Melancholia-070.jp…
Vent Thread Anonymous 107281
Old thread hit the limit, again.
>>103830Anonymous 107282
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>>107261I don't even want to use the word "boyfriend" to describe him, nona, but yes, I'm completely dependent on him, which is what narcissists do now that I think of. They isolate you and control your actions, or complain about it to the point you stop doing it. I'm thinking of just running back to my parents next time.
The most sad part is he apparently googled "toxic boyfriend" and realized that he fits a lot of the points, and he came and asked me if he was toxic. I knew I should keep quiet and I was trying to be positive but he kept pushing me about how I never gave him a straight answer. He asked me to point out his toxic traits, I did, he got extremely ashamed and stopped talking for a day, and came back the next day with his ego patch worked and I got punished by shifting the blame on me in a 3 hour self-whitewashing session, because he doesn't behave toxic to anyone else except me, and that it is me who brings the worst in him. The Buddha said, 'They blame him who sits silent, they blame him who speaks much, they also blame him who says little; there is no one on earth who is not blamed.' I think it was about narcissists.
t. both retarded and unable to attract
Anonymous 107290
Ermm… im gonna be 22.5 soon. I have no memory of the past 3 years things that happened 2 years ago feels like a week ago lol. Like going on lolcow and seeing some probably underage nona make fun of a 23 year old for buying figures and living with her parents. Well. It’s time for me to start acting mature like i meant to at 20… how strange
Anonymous 107309
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i'm high on marijuana and i'm tired. so sick of work. one more day. one. more. day.
Anonymous 107310
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I've been a shut-in NEET for so many years and now I'm suddenly asked to show up for an interview tomorrow because some stupid family friend had suggested my resume to him. It's going to take me at least an hour to travel to their office. The job involves lot of preparation and talking to a lot of people who are probably not interested to even listen to me, while the management expects good results from me based on their performance. It's teaching!
I feel like everything around me is crumbling and everything inside me is about to explode and I literally have no idea what to do now.
Anonymous 107311
>>107282when youre at the point where you recognize the abuse, especially specific tactics, u can no longer use "well abusers/narcissists do this, so it isnt my fault" as an excuse.. thats only rlly valid when youre unaware, which is how they abuse works in the first place. when you are literally actively acknowledging what abuse tactics he is using on you, youre aware youre being abused and just making excuses for yourself as to why ur staying with him. youre a grown woman with full autonomy and control of yourself
Anonymous 107315
I'm finally giving up. I held onto life for so long, and now I'm at a point where I can really see what I'm up against. Nobody cares about women, not deep down. A woman could be on fire and there would me a moid standing there looking a bit glum and everyone would flock to him. And if the woman screamed people would be like, she's tough, she can handle it :)
My ex has been my primary tormenter for years, and now I'm finally wanting to move on, my mom won't let me stay in our family home because my abusive dad's moved into my childhood room and is taking up all the space. I told her I needed family, I needed community, and she told me there is 'no room'. She's chosen him over me. Nobody cares about me. Nobody cares about me enough to help me out properly. At some point my suffering gets boring and I just need to pull up my bootstraps and get on with life. She's asked me multiple times if I'm going to get back with my ex, even after I've detailed to her the hell I'm going through.
There's nowhere - NOWHERE - I can talk about this properly. If I talk to a therapist they're all going to have the same views unless they're a secret terf, and finding that is going to be a fucking nightmare. I'm going to have to retraumatise myself over and over each time I find yet another person who doesn't really care about me. Nobody cares about women, nobody cares about our suffering, and I want out. I'm done with having to live out the rest of my life with feeling this isolated.
Anonymous 107323
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I have 400 hours in ow 2 and am still on the lowest bronze as a dps, and as a support on bronze 3-4 times. I spent most of the hours playing unrated games and was deceived by the fact that I had a normal aim. This is a complete failure. As soon as I enter the rating game, I turn into a shaking baby who does not kill. I felt desperate and switched to support. My only success was when I raised aim on Kiriko. But that's not enough. I've watched a lot of unranked to gm videos, it all comes down to causing damage. Especially at low ranks. I'm also constantly upset about the selection of players. Perhaps this is a feature of the rank, since there are a minority of players on bronze. Either vegetables like me that can't even capture 1 point, or a strong team that could handle it, even if I stood up afk. Everything upsets me very much, I'm bored with customizations, but in an unrated game, as I understand it, no one gives their best and everyone is sitting with beer.
Anonymous 107340
ARGHHJSDAHJSKAGKJRAHRAARGHHHH WHY WON'T A TREE FALL ON MY HEAD AND TAKE MY LIFE AWAY SO I DON'T HAVE TO SUFFER AREAAGSHFDDFGFDGDFGHH
Anonymous 107342
>>107282>…and unable to attractWhat did you mean by this?
Anonymous 107344
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>>107310Apparently Mr. Scrote-in-charge was busy and forgot that he asked me to meet him today. I later e-mailed him asking for another day and he replied saying that he'll do so. I actually had to travel to the next city to meet him and my body hurts so much now, not to mention all the extreme suicidal thoughts I had to deal with yesterday because of this.
I'm also secretly wishing that he'd completely forgot that I exist and I'd continue to stay jobless [even if it's bad for me], but until then I have to live with this lingering anxiety that I'll get called again.
>>107315The world can be a truly harsh place, nona. You ever seen those Chinese gore videos?
Some kids would be crossing the road with their moms, and a truck would come out of nowhere and hit them, and you'd see other vehicles, bystanders and pedestrians just ignoring them and moving on. Helping those who are in need of help, or just kindness in general, can actually end up being a punishing experience so people are just better off saving their own skin.
>abusive dad>She's chosen him over me.I don't know what's going on but I feel like like she actually chose herself over you. If he had been abusive to you, then he's going to be abusive to her as well.
Anonymous 107350
holy shit reddit type of posting with ratings feels so nerve-wracking. never again
Anonymous 107351
>>107311>>107313I seriously don't understand, so many girls here with toxic boyfriends while consciously aware of their violent behaviours, if you're not desperately money dependent on them there's no reason to still be with them. I don't want to say it but damn, is the cock that good for you? Fuck that
Anonymous 107353
>>107351they either have daddy issues or their instincts tell them being with a violent moid monkey = protected from other violent moid monkeys
Anonymous 107355
Why can't retarded moids go 10 seconds without having to sexualise everything
Anonymous 107357
I hate that you're not supposed to have the same underwear for three days straight
Anonymous 107358
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So a little background info, when I was 5 I was molested by two of my teenage cousins.
when I was about 7 my dad bought me a GameCube and tons of games for it like bratz, Harry Potter, Mario, etc. It was one of my most prized possessions. Well at one point someone lost the cords that plugged into the back of the tv. No one ever put in the time to replace them for me. So my mom being just the lovely women she is, gave my GameCube to the two cousins who molested me. How nice of her, I know.
Anonymous 107371
>>107358This is very unacceptable. It is very painful that most parents think that games for girls are not so important. And treating boys like gods.
Anonymous 107372
>>107350I deleted my old reddit account and only recently started a new one to vent in the bpd sub. Obviously the cunt mods wouldn’t publish my post. I ended up shitposting without filter and it was the best time id had on reddit ever. Fuck karmafags. Fuck reddit etiquette. And fuck. Mods.
Anonymous 107374
>>107372New reddit accounts get automatically shadowbanned for some reason that you can't even message the moderators. I notice this happen only in popular subreddits though.
https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/z5rxnx/are_new_reddit_accounts_automatically_being/r/bpd is a weird sub, lol. A lot of people create threads but very few reply to it unless it's trending or top. It also gets raided a lot by haters and abusive people so there are lot of protective measures and spam filters set up to cope with it.
Anonymous 107409
My brother tried to off himself due to NEETdom shame induced breakdown, so after a mandatory check in in the funny ward, my dad had to get him to come back home (different country), and my mom flew in too. He’s taking meds, but you know fucking what. Everyone else in the house is constantly on edge and stressed all day every day. Like the succubus that i am, this thing was like a wake up call to how puny and insignificant my mental health issues were (this has cured my suicidal ideation instantly). But i still feel incredibly resentful, bitter, helpless and scared. Not in that order maybe. I’m too old to be this helpless so naturally i find myself sliding back to the self hating/self blame hovel, but by God that is useless and pathetic. The bitterness comes mainly from looking online and seeing people from my past living the high life and frankly i think the right thing to do here is to just quit instagram. I go on it seeking a very specific kind of comfort and i end up feeling worse.
This is so shit because i have completely ran out of coping mechanisms. Not a single one. Not even a dingy moid to shoot the shit with. I share hollow laughs with my long distance best friend at the end of the day, but then i have to contend with this sinking empty feeling inside me. Not even religion is filling me up. Nothing.
If this were any other time i would probably type with a perverse kind of self satisfaction “yes… i am still depressed” as if depression is some yielder of credence or something. However, it’s the first time in my life where i am compelled by forces beyond me to be mindfully dishonest, especially around my parents. The poor fucks have become so hyper sensitive and attuned to my sibling’s faintest moods that I now have to put up with my mother asking a thousand times “why are you sad, you look sad, why are you unhappy, why are you quiet.”. I’m really trying to play up my busy-ness because im shit at plastering a faint smile and feigning contentment when I have not felt it for years.
Anonymous 107411
>>107409Stay strong, nona.
I find that people who have their symptoms visible on the outside, like serious autism or like in your brother's case, suicide could even get the help they need, but the ones that are truly suffering and need all the help that they can get are the ones who don't show it to anyone else, and living with it every single day. I really hate the word "high functioning" because of this.
Anonymous 107438
I'm too ugly to find a girlfriend. Anyway, I'm too terrible a person for mutual love. my destiny is to be humiliated and used.
Anonymous 107439
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>>107281My girlfriend cheated on me with a guy right after declaring herself to be bisexual. I moved into a shittier apartment, and I couldn't even get Christmas cards from my family, because she well and truly cares so little for me she's saying they didn't even come. Since going off her meds, she's become abusive I've realized and I let relationships degrade because I believed I had to be there for her and at the same time was trying to hold onto her as she was pulling away. It's so clear that at a certain point, she set out to use me. I'm grieving the loss of her, because the person who cheerily told me we could be friends after this was all over while pushing me to accept her new 'roommate' while denying everything is a shadow of the girl I fell in love with. Her mutual friends came to me because she stonewalled them, and they stand by me after what I've told them but I'm scared to rely on them too much, I know they are still reeling from this too and I wasn't their first choice. I just feel so alone.
It hurts all again because it's a holiday, and it's raining, and I remember how excited we were to move in together under this rain last year.
Anonymous 107440
i honestly don't like a lot of chan culture (not in reference to this site). i feel like imageboards being relatively niche inadvertently pressures its users to accept whatever site culture they find themselves in, which is understandable. but i find that lots of the people i come across e.g. on 4chan are low quality people, the only commonalities i have with them being a disdain for censorship and how brainless consuming popular social media makes one feel. i feel like i wasted a lot of time feeling angry at people that were never going to really understand me nor i them in the first place.
anyone feel the same? this is kind of a vague notion but idk.
Anonymous 107441
>>107357 if it's not impacting your health, who cares what you're "supposed" to do?
Anonymous 107456
>>107441Yeah but imagine the judgement with an intimate partner, so annoying
Anonymous 107466
>>107440Does social media including imageboards allow for quality interactions with strangers? I wouldn't believe so
Anonymous 107467
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>>107440I feel the same way too!
I try to talk about mental health to an audience that doesn't believe in neurodiversity and talks about eugenics and weak will instead. I think I'm surrounded by narcissists and psychopaths who aren't exactly interested in debates and questioning their ideologies but forcing it on others and then experiencing rage when someone disagrees to them. I think I'm also surrounded by nihilists and sadists who only want to watch the world burn, and it's honestly rare to see at least one anon who is trying to be positive in a realistic way, and not too optimistic. I don't even know why I'm online, and sometimes I feel like I'm better off being alone. I wish I learnt something new and mindblowing, instead it's the same recycled threads all over again.
Anonymous 107473
>>107457Are you a man?
>>107440Initially, 4chan was just contrarian. Posting was a game whose sole point was to write the most offending comment in order to bait each other. If someone raged, you won. And if you made someone rage elegantly, you had praised from anon and eventually a screen-cap. That's all.
Retards joined the game and thought it was for real, and eventually they became the majority.
Nowadays, you still have oldfags playing the game the old way, surrounded by SRS BUSINESS idiots trying to elect another idiot in the midst of 'happenings'.
So yeah, you're wasting your time, either with idiots, or with people baiting you.
(One exception: on some chans, specialized boards can have interesting debates).
>>107467You haven't found your people yet.
Anonymous 107482
>>107473She could sell the smelly pairs in the mail nona
Anonymous 107487
>>107290wow. that's REALLY bad. i think you need to cut the internet out of your life before your imagination and memory dies out completely
Anonymous 107488
>>107440The deeply visceral satisfaction of luxuriating in utter contempt for another human being is a demonic bewitchment, & to gorge on hatred makes one impervious to all rationally-based appeals to morality— NEETs are doomed in their vocation & should be disregarded as antisocial & not fit for anything
Anonymous 107489
>>107473>You haven't found your people yet.I hope so too but where are they?
Not on imageboards for sure.
Anonymous 107599
My cousin kill herself, she died on new years eve and I don't think I can deal with that but I don't know what to do.
We're not close but my mom was really close to her and always talked about how me and my cousin look alike.
Seeing my mom crying and asking herself why she would do this being so pretty and having such a sweet soul broke me inside.
I feel more scared than sad, I'm scared of losing myself to depression or to the doom of my neet life.
I don't want to kill myself but I know that at some point I will not have nothing to lose and I will do it.
My cousin was a good woman, religious, the family kind, soon or later would marry some church dude, with a job and good education.
I feel unworthy of being depressed or wanting to kill myself after this.
Her friends told me that she was talking a lot about feeling the pressure of life, the pressure of always being the one to be working and putting food on the table, I don't know, I don't know.
She used to work close me to in a place I go a lot, she kill herself there, in her work place, with poison.
I don't know, I feel like things are normal and I don't know if this is the right think to feel at all.
Sometimes at night I feel scare of the dark and scared that those feelings of suicide are starting again.
I cannot even joke about suicide anymore, it's hurtful.
Anonymous 107600
>>107282My brother would do this.
I would try to lie about him making me feel shitty and he would begin interrogations because he sensed I was lying which made him feel insecure.
If I folded and said what I actually thought, it was just fodder for another assault against every aspect of my character.
And of course it was me whose dishonesty was causing all the problems in the family.
>because he doesn't behave toxic to anyone else except me, and that it is me who brings the worst in himAround me and my mother, my brother would be relentlessly hateful and abusive. Around everyone else, he would be Mr. Shy and self-effacing nice guy. He saved the worst for people he knew were under his control and would listen to his fucking bullshit after lifetimes of conditioning. WHose sympathy he could expect and whose fears and anxieties he could dig into.
When other people glimpsed his true personality, they recoiled and judged him and he teetered on the verge of internal collapse.
But when he said "no one else has a problem with me", even though he was typically on his best behavior around others, it was still a lie.
I found out over the years that tons of people I'd thought were his friends thought he was slimy and made them uncomfortable and he was fully aware of this.
>>107311For many, it's a lifetime (though even several years will do quite a lot) of programming and a lot of cognitive dissonance.
For me, it's like there is a ghost of him inside my mind that is always tilting me back towards sympathizing with him and reigniting an internal process of putting myself on trial for the purpose of vindicating him, excusing everything he did and continues to do.
They are thought patterns that sunk in over a lifetime beginning in early years when I was at my most malleable.
A youtube doc (Ramani) made a comment that despite her success, she still has a voice inside her that continues to say "you're a failure and no one is going to be interested in anything you do" despite decades of professional success and increasing reach and influence.
She then said that she has accepted that this voice will be with her for the rest of her life.
Becoming aware of the process and patterns of abuse is a huge advantage. But it's not enough by itself to stop your susceptibility to it. Even with years, decades of work.
It would be like saying that because someone experienced CSA and understands a lot of the nuances of how it shaped them and influences their behavior that all those effects should now stop.
It doesn't work like that.
Anonymous 107601
>>107489Imageboards are places to chat with people you'll never meet, so yeah, not here.
Life takes time. Whatever you imagine, it takes more time, it feels infinite, but it will eventually happens as long as you keep searching.
Anonymous 107608
I can't figure out if I'm gay or just need to move somewhere else less conservative to find cute and attractive men. Feels like I'm stuck in boomer hell.
Anonymous 107612
I get excited planning stories but when I get down to work they feel ridiculous and so not worthy I hate it
Anonymous 107617
>>107599I'm so sorry, nona. She sounds like an incredible woman, and the world is poorer for her loss.
I think it's okay to not know how to handle it. There is no normal when it comes to grief; we just feel what we need to feel, even if it seems contradictory or disrespectful.
Also, I hope it isn't unwelcome, but I desperately want you to know that suicide is not a foregone conclusion. I've been various degrees of suicidal throughout so much of my life…since before I was even a teenager…and I know those terrifying nights and empty days. I'm still here, past so many ages I told myself I would never see. Please stay. Our world can be cruel, but that's why it needs people with sensitivity and compassion.
Anonymous 107643
"lesbian rape" is so vicious. Guess you can't say "I got raped by a woman" because that sounds ridiculous, right? I don't know why she even had to say that when we were just discussing about trans issues
Anonymous 107645
>>107643How is… women raping someone else a ridiculous thing?…
I really don't wanna talk about my own experiences with this, but women raping men/other women doesn't sound unreal at all…
Anonymous 107673
>>107672This happens and I don't think it's a laughing matter. Female rapists ruin lives as much as male ones do.
Especially when it comes to little boys.
Anonymous 107676
>>107673Exactly, they can have power over little boys, not /men/
Anonymous 107677
tenor-2918065076.g…
>>107672Proof that some women can be rape apologists, no matter how insane it is.
Anonymous 107688
>>107676I am sure they can have power over men too…
Drugs are a thing
Weapons are a thing
Threats are a thing
Non-violent men who do not resist are also a thing
Do you think all men above the age of 18 are some star craft supermarine that can split women in half with his pinky fingers and has no remorese to do so or what???
Anonymous 107689
>>107678
I have a friend who got raped by his aunt…
I don't see why this is funny..
I can't say how it traumatizes them. I will let rape victims speak for themselves. I am sure that it can, because people tend to think of sex as a thing you do only and only with someone you purely and truly love.
You really must know nothing of love if you think like this, Nona…
Anonymous 107690
>>107688Agreed.
I'd even argue that believing men are all ultraviolent gorillas is part of patriarchy.
Anonymous 107692
>>107690I am so losing my faith in women the more I dig in this site. I came in yesterday for the first time expecting to see likeminded people, turns out this place is just as insane, racist, sexist and lewd and disgusting as 4shits is.
I won't try to even argue with the people above. To argue against the existence of an issue such as rape, regardless if its female or male targeted, is just insane. They deserve the SVT-40 treatment.
Anonymous 107693
Back to reddit you MRA activists
Anonymous 107694
>>107693I don't see how this makes me part of MRA.
Why is it wrong to advocate for the rights of a certain group. It is like you are telling me that it is wrong to advocate for the rights of races or other groups. Who hurt you?
Anonymous 107695
>>107692"you're just like men!!!!" Jesus. Handmaidens always come in with these complaints. You don't have good intentions either, women raping men is not as serious as the opposite
Anonymous 107696
>>107694Men don't need to have their rights advocated for, pickmeshas give up
Anonymous 107702
The male parasite in women's brains is so scary…
Anonymous 107704
>>107689>inb4 he's the one who got his advances rejected, maybe even raped her, then made her an outcast with outrageous lies Anonymous 107705
>>107704Jesus nona. That's just uselessly insensitive.
Anonymous 107707
Holy shit this thread…
Anonymous 107709
>>107704What??
His aunt fucked him up, and he was just a kid. What the hell does anything you say apply to this case??
Anonymous 107715
>>107709Well then stop saying women overpower men to rape them when you were talking about a kid
Anonymous 107716
Still waiting for the grown ass men being raped and killed by women news story
Anonymous 107766
I hate how there's always a sissy male dancing in choreography videos now.
Anonymous 107784
>>107777
nice quads dicksucker
Anonymous 107785
>>107782
You're probably underage or a moid
Anonymous 107792
>>107787
Got this new theory that you're all so scared that denying the poor men inesistent rape will be detrimental to women's health, but you're hopeless, totally got roped into the argument shift typical of mra
Anonymous 107794
>>107786
It's just your dumb speech pattern with the ……. actually or what, pretending that's your own pic?
Anonymous 107854
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A member of my uni friendgroup got diagnosed with breast cancer a few months ago. She didn't wanna talk about it much and only told us cause of circumstances at the time forced her to. I didn't know how to handle it, I kind of struggle with empathy sometimes as is and a 21 year old girl getting cancer I had no idea how to deal with. I asked her if she wants to talk about it a few times and she said its ok but other than that we carried on as usual.
That is until some time later when all the members of the friend group started being really cold to me literally overnight and it took me weeks to figure out that it was because the friend with cancer had gathered them all and told them that I am selfish, egoistic, that I do not care for them and only hang out with them to pass some time when I have nothing else to do. What the fuck? I had kinda withdrew from them a little before cause I noticed they started badmouthing mutuals a lot and I was scared they were gonna do it to me too. But they were my friends, I spent so much time with them. Fuck, I WAS THE BRIDESMAID AT ONE OF THEIR WEDDINGS, but they cut me off virtually overnight.
As if this is not bad enough, they then went behind my back to my friends that are not part of the group and (lowkey) tried to persuade them into not being friends with me anymore. One of them even went to my crush (that she had never spoken with before) and painted me as some gaslighting monster in front of him.
I may have come off as indifferent to them a few times before but that really was never my intention I just come off that way, whenever I felt I had wronged them I tried to apologize and make up for it and I tried to be mindful around them and instead they tried to nuke my entire social life almost overnight. I genuinely have no idea how to recover from this, I have even thought of quitting uni cause I cannot bear having classes with these people every day. And I cannot even really accuse them of anything or fight back because this whole situation only happened cause the girl with cancer overreacted and everyone else tried to accommodate her, and everyone is gonna side with the girl with breast cancer over someone who is apparently egoistic and selfish and superficial.
Anonymous 107864
images-original.pn…
>countless sex/moid threads that mushroomed in just 3 days in /feels/
I honestly want to stop posting in here. Even the vent thread isn't safe anymore.
Good bye.
Anonymous 107866
It’s so fucking funny watching the troglodytes on 4CHANNELDOTORG’s /lit/ board twiddling with their pubes and asking “hurrr why le no men are allowed in le publishing? Why le lit is hijacked by le wymyn?”
It’s funny because you can see them reasoning their way towards the point. Their analysis is sound. But then they backtrack to the comfortable convenient poorly cobbled together position of “ooga booga womyn le bad, womyn oppress le poor men, womyn need correctional rape”
My God. These “people” have been placated by a system that tolerates their mediocre output, and even elevates it, so much so that when the playing field’s shifted to include new demographics that were taught they were as worth as what they achieve, they no longer felt compelled to compete and no they’re quitting entire disciplines in droves because shudder womyn might be there.
Anonymous 107868
im 25. I have had no prior relationships. No relevant life experience. I am the very definition of failure by all counts. I have a degree that I’m not very fond of and a disappointing time at uni. So no nice memories to look back on. I have one singular friend from my hs days. All my friends have outpaced me in some way. Either they’re married or they’re working in different countries and traveling it up a notch.
I know I come across as bitter and envious. This is probably because I am bitter and envious. Only I no longer feel it. I am out of that place where i wallow and feel sorry, and even out of the place where i berate and hate myself for all the things mentioned prior. I think I finally reached radical acceptance. Either that life was a murky still lake, with scant a pebble thrown in to curdle the surface. Or… what?
I am trying to practice gratitude. I am trying to cultivate it. I have changed drastically as a person. I am less of a pessimist. I am less rigid, I think. I am less frivolous, somewhat.
But no matter how many layers I peel off of my character. No matter how many adjustments, i still feel a pang of melancholy at not having experienced the things I’d wanted to experience when I wanted to experience them. I guess the one thing that changed is the aftermath of this reflection. I no longer default into suicideation. Nor do i retreat to delusional hope that one day things will be better. I simply dust myself off and get up and move forward. This is like trading two intense ends of the emotional spectrum with a middle ground of sorts. So I feel detached but not lethargic. And things happen and I regard them with tepid curiosity instead of petrifying fear or manic excitement. I may be dysthemic. All I know is i am not contented. But I am not distressed either. I am just.. bleh.
Anonymous 107873
>>107868hey, I'm 29 here with no prior relationships, no relevant life experience, the very definition of failure by all counts. I used to think about suicide so much that I more or less did it, save for the dying, when I completely gave up on myself, retreated from all my friends (because I convinced myself it would be the best thing for them!), neglected taking care of my body, and stopped leaving the house. it's taken years, but I feel like the far end of my long, lonely passage is coming into view, and it's just like you're saying. it's reflection. it's radical acceptance. it has changed me, is changing me – sometimes in ways I feel bitter about when I compare with my peers – but life led me here because change was necessary. the voice of the devil whispers in my mind not that I am changing, but that change isn't possible. the voice of the devil whispers that my melancholy and envy are afflictions to be spiteful of. sometimes the devil wins.
what I want to believe, though, is that they are merely parts of me, no less me than my capacity for love and joy and connection. I want to welcome them in with an open heart, hear their pain, and let my desire to heal them and keep them safe guide me back towards the light. I yearn every day to go back and somehow give younger me the love she desperately needed and experience everything I missed. but if I listen, really listen, to that desire, it's guiding me to rekindle the connections I still have with my past, and cultivate myself so that I can fully embrace the opportunities I find in the future. emotionally, I feel in between states too. sometimes it's intense, and sometimes it's placid (and I crave intensity so sometimes the emptiness is worse.) but I'm more equipped to listen to what my heart is telling me if I accept all of it as me.
I guess what I want to say is that you're not alone in this, and we're both going to make it. it might be boring, but it's still life. life contains multitudes, we contain multitudes. life is never constant, nor are we.
Anonymous 107874
>>107864Just stay out of those threads then and make one about purity or something else. Make your voice louder
Anonymous 107883
>>107868>I am the very definition of failureby normie standards which they learned in their hivemind cause they don't have their own minds and if something is good or bad is decided by what other people decide and others repeat
Anonymous 107888
>>107873We’re all gonna make it nona <3
Anonymous 107911
>>107868>>107873Reading what you both wrote gave me some comfort. I love you both and wish you all the best. Your existence alone is meaningful.
Anonymous 107926
When will I stop being accused of being a moid online for being smart…
Anonymous 107930
>>107281I feel so bad my bf has been sick for a week now and in the beginning I was really worried and cared for him, cooking, cleaning doing all the tasks but later on I keep getting annoyed more and more by his coughing and his sniffling
I feel bad cuz he’s so sick but at the same time why isn’t he any better..
Anonymous 107938
>>107930If it's covid he could end up with long covid and be permanently disabled.
Anonymous 107947
>>107941
they're so pathetic. if they want publishers to cater to men, they should actually read. but all they want to do is read biographies and those self-help books with swear words and pretend they read the classics, so that's all they'll get. it's hilarious honestly, an entire generation of men mogged by twilight
Anonymous 107971
>>107864I've read on kiwi that the soyjack imageboard is run by and filled with literal teenagers and they're on holiday break now.
Anonymous 107977
>>107968
In general women are consumers or would you believe that a neckbeard would leave his basement to shop for groceries or other daily needs? It's all done by their mothers and then they wonder why markets rather cater to women then some neckbeard who is frugal on hygene products
Anonymous 107993
>>107991
Nona, you don't have to ever apologize to a moid for not dating him. Not only is there no moral reason for that, but if you choose to do it, you'll also probably come off as desperate.
Anonymous 108000
au-hasard-balthaza…
>>107874There's a dedicated board to talk about sex in here though. Why not go there?
I open /feels/ and all I see are moid threads and sex threads on the front page.
It's boring and repetitive, also triggering.
Anonymous 108007
>>107941
Once in a blue moon i could stumble on a decent effort post, that’s informative and gives an alternative perspective and makes the noggin go hmmmm. But then, it’s a million other posts of moids trying to gatekeep depression and loneliness? I mean… what a strange experience to want to hoard.
Anonymous 108009
Yes normie, I didn't realize that nothing you say is serious because you never clarified it. No need to mock me for being autistic… I forgot that all normies say is inauthentic…
Anonymous 108010
Yes normie, I didn't realize that nothing you say is serious because you never clarified it. No need to mock me for being autistic… I forgot that all normies say is inauthentic…
Anonymous 108011
>>108000The real reason is most of the users here are new and don't know the secret board exists.
Anonymous 108019
>>108018
I get not wanting to be human but why a frog specifically?
Anonymous 108021
>>107980
I'm not that nona. I'm hardly on /lit/ anymore
Anonymous 108030
Even with a supportive kind boyfriend and my freedom to do what I want I still want to kill myself and fuck up my life further
Anonymous 108031
F5DUBOwXEAEIEDG.pn…
>>107467Beckett! tragic to know there is someone who shares similar sentiments to me and also possesses a VtMB reaction pic stuck on an anonymous board
off topic over, came here to rant, saw Beckett and he made me feel better.
I am feeling so frustrated, I finally bought my first horse which I have been dreaming about and working toward since I was little, and my narcissist mother bought a kitten completely out of the blue at the same time so she and my sister can get all of the attention about their new pet. (my extended family overall has very little interest or tolerance for pet or animal excitement, hard to explain but basically my mother is using up all of anyone's allotted patience to hear about new pet excitement.)
any time I have started talking about my new horse my mom and sister blab right over me or tell me it's boring or to stop talking about it "that's enough, nona", to the point where my husband and I try to just laugh it off because it's become so rude and absurd.
I have absolutely no friends and very weak family bonds so I have no one to share my excitement with that gives a shit, and I've been stewing in this weird funk for days of feeling extremely lonely.
my mom and sister have been doing everything without me and totally excluding me (my dad died a few months ago and I'm just totally fucking isolated from everything worse than ever before) so I'm just like, kind of a wreck even though I think people think I'm holding it together. part of why I made this big decision was to help grow my "family" with my husband and find some comfort in the change.
It's also like, kind of a really scary and big decision I've had to handle almost entirely on my own so it's been a lot of stress. I guess that's it, it just sucks and I'm feeling weepy about it and I wish literally anyone I knew would be excited with me.
Anonymous 108032
GBz-j-5XAAALWGt.jp…
Am I supposed to feel different after getting an autism diagnosis? It's been about a month and it doesn't feel like I've gone through some big revelation about why my life is fucked up the way is it.
I guess I'll try for disability again but it's about 20 years too late to actually make a difference in my life I think.
Anonymous 108033
he did horrible things to me. it was so painful. it's been months but i still feel a lingering pain, i dont know if its really there.
Anonymous 108044
Subhuman pornstar pigs who co create porn with men ruined lives of millions of women. These women are a cruel monsters and should spend their lives in brothels since they love male validation so much that they are willing to become tyrants
Anonymous 108046
>>108044I was mad when I said that. I'm scared of things and human life in general and have genuine concerns
Anonymous 108052
istockphoto-877332…
every time he says these nice sweet things to me i feel cornered and scared and like i owe something in return immediately. showing affection is so hard and im such a cold person compared to him. i feel like im not doing enough
Anonymous 108053
Every time I give him a chance he steps all over me and makes me out to be the crazy one. I feel so pathetic. While I had cancer he sat by my side and he held my hand, he said he’d always love me, but now I get nothing but pain. Nobody will ever love me.
Anonymous 108054
Every time I give him a chance he steps all over me and makes me out to be the crazy one. I feel so pathetic. While I had cancer he sat by my side and he held my hand, he said he’d always love me, but now I get nothing but pain. Nobody will ever love me.
Anonymous 108056
I feel stuck, I'm 32 and still live with my parents. I have a useless degree in my country and last year I decided to do another one which, hopefully, will get me a job that's not cleaning others shit or retail (much respect!). So my money's ending and I've been unable to get a fucking part time because my schedule is full of classes and I can't find normal hours to work. Sent out CVs and nobody hires me. I'm so desperate I'm this close to start selling foot pics or something.
To help my parents still treat me like I'm 10 or something, and I hate it. I have no bf, no friends outside uni (those are more acquaintances) and I'm stuck I hate everything.
Anonymous 108060
>>108056I have a classmate about your age who works part-time for an employment agency, from what she told me she mostly does catering events in the evening and on the weekends. Maybe that's worth looking into? Just an idea. Good luck!
Anonymous 108062
>>108031Well if it's any consolation I'm really happy for you nona :)
Horses are really expensive and that's genuinely quite an impressive feat for someone who's never owned one before, lots of research on care and ofc you'd need to have been able to afford the stables and land. Cats are lovely but in comparison to buying a horse that's not very impressive literally anybody could get one, I reckon ya mum's overcompensating big time out of jealousy especially if she's a narc.
I really hope you enjoy life with your new horse and I'm sure you'll be a great owner! It might also open some doors where you can socialize with other local horse owners who will appreciate your horse autism like it should be <3
Anonymous 108069
been thinking about my relationship w the internet and how it’s affected my view of myself… was anyone else groomed on tumblr/Omegle by gross older moids?
Anonymous 108077
i want someone to love me and treat me well but i fantasise about someone being violent to me at the same time
i really want to get rid of it, it almost feels like an intrusive thought, something coming from some malignant outside source
Anonymous 108078
>>108069if anyone has some advice about this id appreciate it. i guess its a self esteem thing, but really i have no idea what to do about that; the only advice i encounter wrt self esteem is the empty JUST GO TO THERAPY BRO but i cant afford therapy and even if i could….
Anonymous 108079
>>108069omg sorry i replied to the wrong post!! but actually its still relevant. omegle….
Anonymous 108083
Whenever I'd have sex with my girlfriend, I would get acne around my pelvis. I thought this was strange since I never got acne there before meeting her. Until I discovered that she barely takes showers.
Her gentiles often smell horrid. Whenever I ask her, "When's the last time you've taken a shower?" she just stares at me blankly because she doesn't even remember.
I love her so so so much. She is the woman of my dreams… but this so FUCKING DISGUSTING AND I WANT TO PEEL MY SKIN OFF WHENEVER I THINK ABOUT THIS.
She puts off taking showers to play video games all day. When I finally convinced her to take a shower a couple days ago, she said she'd do it after she was done playing games. But when she finished, she said she was too tired and that she'd do it in the morning. SHE DID NOT TAKE THE FUCKING SHOWER IN THE MORNING.
I can smell her stanky ass from several feet away. I CAN SMELL IT THROUGH HER CLOTHES I WANT TO KILL MYSELF SO MUCH HOLLY SHITTTTTT.
I asked if she was depressed, insecure about her physical appearance, if she thought this behavior was normal, or if showers were overstimulating. She said no to all. She just said that she lacks motivation, wants to get better, and is ashamed of her sparse grooming habits.
I fully support her. I've brought up the idea of using a planner, and setting daily reminders. She doesn't want to do any of this.
I'm gonna give her shit loads of soaps for valentines day and gift her soaps for every single occasion from now on.
I don't know what I can do to convince her to take better care of herself.
I will never tell this shit to anyone else. I love her so much but I feel so ashamed for dating someone who barely showers. IT'S SO FUCKING GROSS PLEASE HELP ME.
Anonymous 108084
I take that back. I hate dreaming so fucking much even if they're not even creepy or whatever, I'll take the solo masturbation ones over anything.
Anonymous 108086
>>108085
I've told her to take a shower so many times but she just doesn't listen. I have no idea how to help her.
I've even offered taking showers with her several times and each time she just says later but later never comes.
Sometimes I'll make baths for her but she'll put it off for several hours and by then the water turns cold so I have to drain it.
Anonymous 108088
>>108087
No, she's had a psych evaluation and has never been diagnosed with autism or any other cognitive disability.
She says she's not depressed and that this is the best her life has ever been.
Anonymous 108092
>>108086Baths are plain disgusting though
Anonymous 108094
>>108092Baths are relaxing. Maybe if you don’t clean your bathtub it’d be gross.
Anonymous 108098
>>108083You're talking about a trans girl right?
Anonymous 108100
>>108094Cleaning the bathroon once a week is already pushing limits and you're just wallowing in calcareous water, and dirty water if you haven't showered so I wouldn't say it's a solution here.
Anonymous 108103
>>108100Wym calcerous water, plenty of people have access to soft water. What a dumbass reason to write off baths.
Anonymous 108111
ragonstick.jpg
>>108083Wash her daily like pic related. Pits, crotch and asshole. I seriously mean it. She will never break the habit herself if you don't force it
Anonymous 108112
>>108111>SamefaggingAnd if she has folds then also inbetween folds
Anonymous 108114
>>108113
Remember: The smartest way to do it is right after they shit
Anonymous 108117
>>108116
Have you never had a friend that was too drunk that night and would off been dead if she was left on her own and you cared for her for the night and she puked herself and pissed herself and maybe even shat herself and you made away of the mess because she means something to you? Well it's basically the same. Only difference is that you more likely rationalize it for the drunk friend and not for the whatever reason you can't get handicapped friend
Anonymous 108120
>>108118
Handicapped was an ESL moment. I've meant a mental condition. The OP of the post only said that she asked her if seh had depression and she said no. What kind of proof of anything is that. She clearly avoids selfcare. Anyways I think it's bait because why was she attracted in the first place to her smelly friend and her bath argument can not be meant sincerly
Anonymous 108121
>>108111I suggested this idea but she refused because she said that it's demeaning and it makes her feel like a baby. She also doesn't want me "momming" her.
>>108112She's skinny.
>>108120I wish this was bait but I'm actually living through this and it causes me genuine mental anguish. I don't think ya'll understand the pain I am going through right now. Her lack of self care makes me want to cry.
> why was she attracted in the first place to her smelly friendWhen we first started dating, she would cover her stench up by wearing several layers of clothes. We waited to have sex 4 months into the relationship.
Anonymous 108122
>>108089
I've told her that she stinks so many times. She always acts like this is new information and doesn't believe me.
Anonymous 108123
>>108094I wash the bathtub before every bath.
Anonymous 108124
>>108118
The crazy thing is she DOES groom herself. She brushes her teeth twice a day, brushes her hair, uses deodorant, and shaves daily. She just doesn't take showers for some fucking reason.
Anonymous 108125
>>108124thats so bizzare, there is defo smth mentally up with her. maybe try taking her to bath and body works (or if not have that where you live then some other fancy soap shop) and getting her some cool soaps and lotions she would like, in my experience having sorbet scented soap makes me wanna shower more.
Anonymous 108126
>>108122has she ever like smelled her clothes before and realized "oh shit this smells horrible" that might help her realize she smells
Anonymous 108136
>>108124no way "she" doesn't shower and you didn't see the greasy hair
Anonymous 108141
>>108123Then it smells like cleaning products and it reminds you that chemicals safety levels are being tested on the male body with their different body fat absorption, and how they don't clean anyway the whole week.
Anonymous 108143
>>107438Stop having masochistic thoughs
Anonymous 108145
>>108083I don't understand people who don't take showers lol. Maybe i have ocd but i can't exist without a shower everyday and i feel gross when my armpits smell. It's so comfy to rest in bed after the shower
Anonymous 108148
>>107281When I was 13 a group of 5 guys (all 16 year old boys) took advantage of me because of my innocent mind and I didn't know it was abuse until last year, before that I thought it was my fault and my brain was so washed that I thought I was a "whore" or "i was dirty." It all started when I liked a boy from that group and he approached them but little by little I noticed that they made jokes about my physique or sexualized me a lot. Many times they called me flat and that I needed to exercise to have a better body, everything felt humiliating but I accepted it to continue having friends. Then I fellated the boy I liked and he told his friends to make fun of it, they all called me a whore for what I did. I felt so dirty and bad. Then (I was very stupid) one of the boys invited me to his house to fix things but I only got drunk and abused so that later they would call me a whore again. I feel like this experience traumatized me so much and it is what caused me to this day a very low self-esteem and I still feel anger from that but at least I understand that it was not my fault.
The stupid incel community on image boards was also a bad thing for my brainwashing because it was so misogynist
Anonymous 108149
>>108148And i am not gonna lie, i feel depressed and humilliated sometimes
Anonymous 108151
>>108150
Ur an incel moid or at least an stupid pick me idk
Anonymous 108154
>>108121>I suggested this ideaThat's why I said you have to force it. Bucket, rag, towels, and bar of soap. You get the gist of it
Anonymous 108155
>>108153
You literally write the most misogynistic thing and call yourself Anti misogynist lol but don't cover yourself, it's obvious that you are a moid.
Anonymous 108159
>>108157
Relax your ass bitch, i do nothing to you WTF. You are the most pick me girl for blame an underage girl
Anonymous 108163
>>108162
>plenty of Nigels for her who will improve her self esteem and treat her right
ok moid, almost there
Anonymous 108165
I can't move on from a narcissistic friendship and it's killing me. It's not even that I miss her or anything because I realize how much of a garbage person she was but I think that's also why I can't move on. I tried so hard to be nice to her and ignore her tantrums, I tried to work with her on her issues, but when I finally had enough and got upset over her yelling at me for the billionth time she kept acting like I was insane! She had zero clue what I was talking about, kept making it seem like I was on about something else entirely and then on top of that was such a piece of shit. Who the fuck says, "we're worth it but like I'M worth it" when someone is desperately trying to tell you something about your behavior?! Holy shit, why did I not kick you in the teeth for that? And then instead of taking any accountability for anything ever she basically mocks me for putting up with her and blocks me. Amazing.
Anonymous 108167
>>108163I'm not a moid lol there is plenty of moids who can be called nigels by these women's standards but I still don't think they are good however for a male lover it doesn't matter so
Anonymous 108168
>>107281I actually hate women. The tifs were right tbh
Anonymous 108169
>>108168I havent gone outside or talked to anyone online or even been seeing what other people have been up to much though but looking back 99% of girls and adult women have looked down on me and my friend for being weird/ autistic/ introverted. it makes me bitter. 70% of people are all the same and will try to bully you into being like them
Anonymous 108170
>>108169Or at least they value social acceptance and trends so much ugh i really am sick of normie women
Anonymous 108171
>>108170Im sick of this place too IM SICK OF IT ALL!!
Anonymous 108195
3bd07dbe2a2bfc7916…
It's really my own damn fault if I choose to open toxic websites and get frustrated that people are toxic in there.
I don't even know why I do it. I wish I knew why so I understand what's wrong with me, and then work on that instead of wasting time getting depressed and frustrated while I purposefully open something that's only going to make me depressed. I can't stop myself. I get extremely anxious.
It's honestly scary that toxic people exist, and they have a voice on such platforms, but I guess that's free speech for you.
Anonymous 108197
>>108196
I can't distract myself every second. I think I'll be able to move on if I stayed away from shitty sites for like a month but it's too stressful. I can't believe that I make it sound like I'm experiencing a withdrawal.
Anonymous 108204
Internet addiction is so bad I can literally find myself just closing and opening tabs because there's no updates, no social media accounts, not finding anything really, and still circling through tabs like a madwomen
Anonymous 108205
>>108198>>108204Nonas, what are we supposed to do?
I turned off my computer but I didn't know what to do so I just slept. It's no good and I can't sleep all day!
Anonymous 108228
i want friends like the women who post here. i want to be autistic with someone. sigh.
Anonymous 108232
d5f169f2f2a187bda5…
>>108228I wouldn't show my autistic self to anyone IRL, and if I did nobody would want to be friends with me.
Anonymous 108236
>>108195I remember feeling like this. What helps is to understand that even though these people exist, and their toxicity is compounded in online echo chambers, they would never have the gall to behave as such in a real social setting. You might think “hmmm but then their toxicity will be hidden away by social tact and they’ll be deceiving the people around them and pretending to be good people”. Who gives a shit. Everyone masks. That’s the whole point of living in a “civilized” society.
The best thing I did for myself smack dab in a depression was normify myself. I switched imageboards with the awful clock app. Fringe websites with kikebook. Inane political discourse with mindless consumption of the most drab unintelligent content there was.
I realized that normoids and non normoids were really no different. Herd like mentality prevails always whether it champions social rights or the institutionalization of lynching minorities. And the people who retreat to imageboards out of a perverse desire to stand out and compensate for conventional dysfunction, are effectively children.
Anonymous 108237
Isolation does something to the brain. I am not an anthropologist, but isolation def saps you of all the socialization you’d spent years and years accumulating. It doesn’t matter if you’re past the developmental milestones. You WILL forget.
It’s like asking the question, “if I commit to eating my food by hand and never touching a utensil, will I one day forget how to use a spoon?” Apparently yes? Well not entirely. It’s harder to access the information. So in real life, when im having a discussion with an actual person, i am practically a retard. It takes me longer to process the information. It takes me longer to infer hidden meaning (covert insults fly over my head). I can interpret tones and cadence but not facial expressions.
That’s not to say that i’ve ever been proficient at the aforementioned. I’m not a social savant. But I knew how to navigate a conversation.
Anonymous 108239
What really marks transitioning from girlhood to womanhood is when you stop indulging your dad’s lil (harmless) jokes about your mother. He really used to be my favorite parent when I was younger (he was laidback and funny), but it’s evident that was just him removing himself from situations where he had to enforce discipline. As a matter of fact, I hated when he decided to step up because it was evident he DIDNT know HOW to intervene, like he didn’t have a method he just lashed out. My mother at least was predictable with the punishments (corporal or plain verbal). And she was/is always present. And although it feels suffocating, I want to reassure her that she wasn’t a deficient parent (she seems to think so, I think she has low grade depression).
I think that it’s unfair that she’s dedicated so much of her mental/physical energy to caring after us but then i remember that she’s actually contented with that and that that is the ideal scenario in her head. She’s not the kind of woman who was duped into having kids and duped into self effacement, no she literally did it willingly. I also need to remind myself that although I don’t like that she’d lost much of her younger interests (she was a bookworm, type A, politically involved), she is actually quite happy with who she is and her only gripe is with the way her kids turned out. I don’t know if this is maybe a misplaced dissatisfaction. Like she’s projecting her dissatisfaction with her own life on us, but that could also be me projecting my dissatisfaction on her.
Anonymous 108247
64lozu.jpg
I'm reading about how social media changes your brain structure via neuroplasticity.
If this is true, and social media does cause physiological changes similar to that of alcohol addiction, then there's only 5% of chance to overcome this addiction which is the success rate of AlAnon groups.
Anonymous 108252
>>108124>The crazy thing is she DOES groom herself. She brushes her teeth twice a day, brushes her hair, uses deodorant, and shaves dailythis makes me think..
did she get touched in the bath or similar? Anonymous 108253
3rd “Oh noooies my therapist gave up on me, why does everyone give up on me reee” woe is me whinepost in r/BPD.
I really want to be empathetic to people and their suffering but these echochambers are reductive more than helpful. The whole point of therapy is to upskill and “fix” your problematic behavior yet people treat it as a frequent vent sesh where they get validated for all the unhinged shit they do and think. Fucking shit.
Anonymous 108254
pigeons-in-operant…
>>108247I've been reading more about social media and how it affects the brain and social media "addiction" may be the wrong term for it. It's actually social media conditioning, like a dog that is trained to sit when you say sit and you treat it with a reward initially, and after a while the dog would simply sit without any reward, or "extinction burst". So yeah, social media is considered a skinner box, or operant conditioning - A rat would press a lever, which drops food as a reward. After conditioning, the rat would press a lever and it's brain is conditioned to feel that reward even if there was no food that was dropped in there.
Addiction has a meaning, you put some effort, you get a reward, and you repeat. In case of conditioning, there's no real meaning. You don't necessarily need a reward. You just wake up the next day and scroll asking yourself why are you even subjecting yourself to toxicity online?
Scary.
>>108253I'm reading that thread right now.
Okay, the therapist sucks.
She mentions about DBT therapy and the ONE OF THE BASIC RULES OF IT IS that you can't fail in it, and to assume that the client is trying their absolute best all the time. DBT works like this, there's both acceptance and change that has to be balanced at the same time. You validate the client and make them comfortable, and at the same time you also induce changes in them. She failed to do that and instead made her sessions triggering for the OP of that thread.
With that said, I personally feel that DBT is annoying and it's like applying a bandage over a fracture. Psychodynamic therapy [vent session with constructive criticism!], which isn't really about upskilling but just talking and figuring out why you do specific things helps me a whole lot. It's still not 100% enough but still it helped me a lot.
Anonymous 108255
I love prayertime so so much (muzzie here). I love that it gives me structure. I love that I now have a designated crying place (on the rug with my forehead chafing against the material and my nose firmly pressed on the ground leaking boogies). It’s so cathartic. It makes sense that ancient greeks routinely (and ritually haha) induced religious psychosis.
Anonymous 108257
>>108256
I don't know.
Right now, all I see is that social media has to be completely eliminated. Just trying to decrease it won't work because social media tempts to engage you with it by design.
Anonymous 108266
lmao she's always on the verge of a panic attack when I talk to her just because I'm transphobic then said something about the fake Stockholm syndrome and she took that personal because muh mental illness
Anonymous 108287
>>108266>the fake Stockholm syndromeWhy do you think it's fake, nona?
I've been watching a reality TV show right now and I literally saw it in action - a victim falling in love with her abuser and I was able to understand why.
Anonymous 108288
People who judge others solely by the cost of their clothing are the most shallow and detestable people.
I get second-hand embarrassment at their comments tbh
Anonymous 108290
IMG_6473.jpeg
I really want to call my (older) girl crush but she probably thinks I’m a weird freak after an incident that happened bw us and I feel like I ruined any prospects that we had….. I h8 that I have thought about her every day…… I h8 that I miss her, I don’t even really “know” her enough to have feelings for her but I care about her so much already… I h8 that I fall for any girl that gives me a little attention…… I h8 longing for women that will likely never reciprocate these feelings
Anonymous 108292
>>108287It is literally fake, still just a theory that started because the police was incompetent and the girls had to save their own ass. One of them bitched about it and the local psychologist that was also of absolute no help, accused her of this bullshit pathology invented by him because of their pathetic fragile egos.
Also.
>reality TV showCan the underage girlies go back to twitter or something
Anonymous 108294
What's the point of asking me to create an account and to verify with OTP and waste 15 minutes and all that only to find out that my account is shadow banned and nobody sees what I post?
Twitch, reddit, twitter, etc. everything does this shit and I hate it.
Anonymous 108295
1656794408181.jpg
does anyone actually buy $50 tumblr themes
Anonymous 108297
I hate how a lot of guys look down on women for being attracted to them. It’s so fucking retarded. Like making fun of a girl for having sex with him and spreading rumors about her. If that type of guy dies alone because he resents women who actually like him I feel no sympathy
Anonymous 108335
Someone honked at me because THEY weren't paying attention which pissed me off and frazzled me so then I actually did something stupid. This combined with the getting 3 hours of sleep at night, I just can't stop being stupid lately.
Anonymous 108336
>>108335I am so lacking in fortitude to complain about someone honking at me on crystal.cafe
Anonymous 108337
>spent a whole night losing sleep and neglecting hygiene fighting with random accounts simping for a moid celebrity at twitter again
How disgusting.
Anonymous 108338
>>108295Do people still use tumblr wtf?
Anonymous 108407
e7ad4183829b77d3c3…
It's extremely irritating to listen to people talk these days. Blah blah blah blah blah blah. I don't care. I just want to be left alone.
Anonymous 108410
Bonding over being misandrists and first thing she says after I mention being lesbian is if I knew this cute funny guy on tiktok and how she hate guys but she still went to his house for shit and giggles. DICKS for brains I swear
Anonymous 108412
>>108411the facebook chat pop up ruined the whole experience
Anonymous 108463
c7e07205de28da1e67…
Just witnessed an important #metoo figure's A leaked screenshots where she curses another woman B that she hopes in future that B would be accused of something that she didn't do and suffer. B was pointing out A's hypocrisy by supporting A's friend's sister. This sister is another #metoo accused figure. #metooception lmao what the fuck.
Anonymous 108464
>>108463Almost as if it's a movement that has completely lost any of its credibility a few months after its connception and is now just a bat for mentally ill people to defame people they don't like and each other with. I hate the Internet so much it's unreal.
Anonymous 108468
IMG_5343.jpeg
i really don't want to think about coexisting on the same earth
hope you rope and take your disgusting greasy mop with you. you diseased rapist fucking violation of fucking humanity, you didn't ever deserve to be famous and you no longer deserve to live.
not that you think about the things you've done, the women who cry on their floors until their chests burn, the women whose bodies are ruined, the women who can't get aroused anymore, the women who feel physically nauseous at the sight or mention of you, the women whose childhood and agency are gone, the women who for the rest of their lives will be living with trauma. any of that jazz. it's just frivolity to a selfish narcissist manipulator. remember you're the perpetual victim, baby, it's all their fault to you.
women are in fact, you chauvinistic pig, human beings just like you, and someone whose life you ruin.
i don't want to hate you anymore, or even think about you anymore, i just feel sorry that you have to harm others to live. you are projecting every single ounce of hate you give. and with all that hate inside your festering body maybe you shouldn't be alive at all. and the power of suggestion isn't a threat sweetheart it's just a recommendation.
you really should kill yourself, doesn't mean you'll do it. so happy early birthday eldrich abomination manwhore bitch! maybe one of your predator friends will gift you a gun to shoot yourself with! ciao ciao.
Anonymous 108470
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>>108468for the record i went back through every piece of evidence and all my logs once i was fucking medicated and know i ain't crazy.
a $200 million net worth can't fix the incel loser underneath
Anonymous 108476
>>108470Who is this about and why haven't you reported him?
Anonymous 108477
>>108476I think nona is having a schizo meltdown about Jim Carrey.
Anonymous 108479
i feel so bitter because of my bf's realationship in highschool. this is not just jealousy. i was in a very bad mental state during high school (severe insomnia, depression, i was self harming and suicidal) and i had maybe two "friends" and i never had someone liking me, let alona a relationship. i dealt with self confidence issues, i was sure that i was unlovable, ugly, unworthy of living even. in contrast to that, my bf had a 3 year relationship and he was also very popular and loved in school.
i feel shitty for not being happy that he didn't go through the same things as me, bc if he had i know i would be really sad for him. but at the same time i can't help feeling like it is unfair. i can't help being bitter over it
Anonymous 108480
felt lonely so I checked my local lesbian forum and it got even worse, there's literally a tranny spamming searching for friends and how "you FEMININE WOMAN understands me" and I did not edit that shit. he's still not banned that's so embarrassing
Anonymous 108524
231442d07e8511e786…
Tired of all seeing these self-styled productivity and mental health experts with no qualification that sell stickers and pens on instagram and youtube.
Anonymous 108528
>>108524How do you even see that many? Did you get caught in the algorithm?
Anonymous 108534
>>108528It's the damn algorithm yes. The thing that's baffling me is how confident they all are.
Anonymous 108535
>>108534They say "fake it till you make it"… They're just good at faking, I guess
Anonymous 108674
>>107281>>107281Every day i’m getting more annoyed by trannies and aidens. Each time i engage in my obscure “nerd” hobbies like vidya, anime, memes whatnot, there’s always retards going around saying shit like “trans rights” or whatever. It always has to be fucking shoehorned in. And that’s why i dont wanna be a public internet creator in this day and age because if you say anything critcal of le glorified mutalation cult people they’ll attack you like you’re hitler 2. I’m literally scared to lose friends over this.
Anonymous 108690
I have a NPD friend who regularly threatens suicide and gets upset if nobody causes mass chaos over it. I used to get very worried for her when she would do this, but I stopped because I started to catch on to her doing it for attention. She would make her underaged friends have panic attacks over it, then would act like nothing happened.
She makes her 'friends' only talk about her and pay attention to her. If you talk about your life or your interests she goes on a rampage and blocks you. She has a lot of 'friends' that she uses to get things, most of them being underaged. I befriended her when I was underaged.
I want to cut her off but she’s scary, if you simply stop talking to her she will threaten you. Yesterday, she threatened suicide and deleted all her social media (of course, she came back online an hour later), when she didn’t get a reaction she called everyone fake.
Recently, I found out she’s lying about the majority of what goes on in her life for pity. She’s also friends with some pretty shitty people. I strongly dislike having to keep her around. She has scared my friends a few times with fake overdose photos and has even made them call her local police station.
Anonymous 108703
i want to be smarter… i want to retain the information i read more completely and speak my languages better and i wish i were well-read too. if i had better tolerance for boredom, a better attention span…………… well, i'm trying to improve those. i really just want greater understanding of everything. i sort of feel like a useless person with no discernible talent although i have a lot of passion.
Anonymous 108706
>>108690The way you have to repeat the word "underaged" gives off really creepy vibes about that girl.
It's not your responsibility to keep her alive. If she threatens to kill herself, then the right thing to do is call the cops. That's all.
>>108703I'm working on these right now. My poor attention span, intolerance to boredom, poor working memory, and lack of other important life skills really destroyed my life.
I'd go out only to remember that I forgot something and retrace my way back home and waste more time. It's very hard but it used to be even worse.
Anonymous 108712
I’m sorry but I’m going to coopt bpd terminology despite being 80% sure that i dont have the ebin bpd. That or… I sort of outgrew it in a way? My other theory is that my natural inclination to timidity combined with my rampant insecurity along with the uncontrollable desire to be perceived not as defunct as I really am, have played joined roles in curbing all the nefarious impulses that are constantly broiling under the surface. Like when I browse r/bpd (i know, echo chamber and whatnot, i know) i think “literally me… literally me.. literally fucking me.” Only I’ve always been so acutely socially aware that I would contain all my borderline tendencies on the inside.
One time, i was talking to a sweet gentle boy, who had been my favorite person for almost 6 months at that point, and he said one thing that seemed to push a button inside my head. It was instant. One moment i looked at him and felt an immense outpour of love. The next, I was completely empty. And when i saw him after, i was filled with contempt.
Anonymous 108713
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>>108712Everyone experiences intense emotions in their life. A lot of normie songs about heartbreaks and obsessive love are relatable to me but they're not written by borderlines. The difference is that it's too often in BPD and they take a lot of time to calm down.
I think genes play an important role in BPD. Do you see anyone displaying borderline traits in your family?
My mom and grandma does.
Anonymous 108715
>>108712I always thought that BPD traits is what every human has and that it's just natural or not that serious. Maybe a phase due to some suffering or literally just suffering so when people hated on BPD ppl I was like wtf they just suffer because I was projecting since all my mental issues are just… Suffering? Maybe I'm just more aware than other people and control my mental illness more to not behave like the normies who have these illnesses. I regret sympathizing with some of these people. I sometimes really just think that everyone is HSP like me but still why is changing your mood fast seen as an illness
Anonymous 108716
>>108713My mother. Though if I were to armchair diagnose her, I would label her as a neurotic. She used to be so very erratic and would fly off the handle at the slightest provocation. Sometimes it’s a perceived slight or breach of her authority that would make her rage uncontrollably. She would say a lot of mean things. I feared her when I was younger. But grew to understand her more as I grew older. And ultimately she was trying her best to toe the line between loving us and wanting to discipline us, and for that I am grateful. The thing is, you know when a parent speaks one language and the child was born speaking another? So no matter what you do, no matter your best intentions, a child will always misconstrue things? So although I remember a lot of things from my childhood that scream to me about how much my mother loved me, i seldom ever “felt” that love. Like actually felt it. You know maybe im overthinking it. But it’s the same with my mother and her mother. Her own mother broke her back working endless jobs to provide for her kids after losing her husband and yet my mother now laments the fact that her mother never openly showed affection except for she was sick or asleep. It’s a cultural, generational curse.
Anonymous 108717
>>108715There’s a barrier that prevents most people from outwardly manifesting the ugliness of their inner world. My theory is that vice is universal (as is emptiness). Most people aren’t tuned into it. They’re not aware of it. They haven’t had a life curbstomp that forced them into self introspection. And even the . There’s layers to introspection. You could start with the pre conceived conclusion that “I am an evil empty person”. And then you dig within yourself and look backward into your past and you realize. “Oh I enjoy X and Y, and did N and M, therefore there is some goodness in me, and there is an underlying substance to my character.” And that’s it. Really sick people, really suffering people. Don’t stop digging. They dig and dig and nothing is satisfactory. At the very bottom they’ll be confronted with the reality that all people are inherently empty they just pick up interests and passions like ornamentary trinkets to “pass”.
Anonymous 108724
>>108716It surely is. Even if it's not BPD, what you're going through surely some form of CPTSD so no wonder you find r/BPD relatable. I think they're friendly when it comes to self-diagnosing in there and ultimately what matters is a place to feel like you're experiencing the same things that millions of others are experiencing, and maybe ways to cope with it.
I like r/BorderlinePDisorder than r/BPD for some reason.
Anonymous 108727
Nonas.. my period is over. The world feels brighter somehow. And today is the first day in 10 days where I woke up without a deep knot of dread in my throat.
Anyway, more on this point. Seems a bot excessive to get on the lexapro hypertrain when you’re only depressed 10 days of every month no?
Anonymous 108737
Been talking/e-dating this guy for over 5 years, almost 6. Been planning on finally meeting and starting a life together this year, making real plans. He’s an abusive, cold, and demeaning man but for some reason I’ve attached myself to him and have been addicted to him for this whole time, basically revolving my life around him and talking to him online. It’s all very toxic and I know I shouldn’t even be doing this in the first place.
But out of nowhere, the past month or so, I feel like my feelings are dying and I’m just… kind of getting sick of caring about him so much while he treats me pretty badly most of the time. We had a really bad fight in November, but we resolved it. But maybe that time he finally hurt me enough to start detaching from him?
I’m confused because this whole time, I’ve wanted nothing more than to stop having strong feelings for him. On one hand I’m relieved because I am glad that this is happening before we begin dating irl. But on the other hand, im so confused and scared that if I end it with him, I’d regret it forever. I’ve spent so long dreaming of being with him, and now when I think about him, I find myself more annoyed than happiness, or even sad. I used always be so depressed by him ignoring me or being a jerk to me, but now i barely even feel that. Just annoyance, like nothing he does surprises me anymore.
It is strange too, because I feel like he’s been trying harder lately, too. He is being more considerate and at least pretending to care about my problems. But that last fight and the stuff that he said… feels like it hurt so much it has kind of numbed me out.
I’m confused and retarded. The answer is obvious. Don’t be with him. But I’m still just so confused and I wish I could trust my feelings, instead of being scared of them.
Anonymous 108739
>>108738
Yeah, I wouldn’t call it real dating either. but for the sake of saving words to explain the dysfunctional dynamic it is easier to just say dating. In regards to how long we have been talking without meeting, that is mostly on me and my own hesitation and health problems. We hadn’t started talking seriously about meeting until a couple years ago, then I got really sick and for a year or so I wasn’t sure if i would even survive so I wasn’t rushing to leave to be with a stranger online. Now I’m healthy and that’s not an issue so we have been back to planning things.
Everything else you said is correct, though. I know he wants me to be dependent on him and it has worked. But I need to trust my gut on this. The feelings aren’t the same anymore. I’m tired of being treated like I need to always be the one who changes or compromises on things. He is so cruel, and I do believe that he has genuine feelings for me, but they’re so warped and toxic and unreliable. He can provide for me, but other than that, there’s nothing I gain from being with him.
Anonymous 108741
>>108737>>108739What are you going to do, nona?
I'm in a similar situation like yours. There were many oppurtunties for me to just tell him "I'm fucking done with you" but I can't. I've made him realize that he's toxic and had made me cry and feel depressed a lot to the point he even asked me but I keep begging him to stay because I have nothing else. I keep telling to myself "next time I'm going to leave" but I never do that.
I used to feel love towards him but now it's just anger and annoyance. I desperately hope that things will change for the better between us and I'd start loving him again but I don't even know what "better" looks like anymore. We fight every week because he's so insecure and he always assumes that I'm saying something passive aggressive to insult him or lying about something.
Anonymous 108742
It feels like I can only make myself cum, after like a serious amount of masturbation. My boyfriend can't do it and it makes him frustrated. I think it's cause I took antidepressants for like a year. s, what do I do?
Anonymous 108743
I have this weird philosophy about respect. You see, I'm pretty big, so in my mind, I don't respect you because, well, I could overpower most of you (except UFC fighters, they definitely have my respect) But when it comes to guys, that's a different story. I immediately size them up, thinking about how to assert my dominance or avoid being dominated and they get my respect automatically. It's like with you and your endless chats about breasts, I'm just constantly in this mental tug-of-war about who can dominate who.
Anonymous 108744
>>108741Oh nona, im sorry you’re going through the same thing. I don’t know what I’m going to do yet. I’ve barely talked to him all day. A part of me wants to try to talk things out and try to “fix” something, but I just know it is near impossible to have a constructive conversation with him without it turning into a fight. I don’t even know how to bring anything up or if I even want to. A part of me contemplated just blocking him and ghosting him today and not looking back. I’m worried that if I let him know I’m done with him, he will miraculously turn nice and kind so I don’t leave. I am so tired and something just feels wrong.
Anonymous 108746
>>108744It's so depressing. It's like we both know that the only rational solution is to leave but there's this desperation that things will get better in there going on and I don't even know why. Is it because there's years invested in this? Is it because of all the good moments we had? Is it because there's surely a better way to do this than leaving? I'm just splitting my hairs. In my case he is ready to accept that he's toxic and wants me to leave but I don't want to. I feel like something indescribable is stopping me from doing that.
Anonymous 108749
1700465922939.jpg
damn I have an actual manface
I kinda wonder if this is in any way connected to my masculine hobbies? Like maybe extra testosterone in the womb activated some genes. I don't know.
anyway I need to find myself a baby faced war groom to balance out my facial traits and to truly immerse myself in the amazonian orc experience
Anonymous 108751
>>108750
no, but if we combined our genes I'd probably birth an actual tank
Anonymous 108752
>>108744You really gotta talk to more people. It's much easier to move on when you realize how much better off you could be.
Anonymous 108757
i think there's just something wrong with me. i am probably way too sensitive to exist and i end up attracting negativity anyways. i am too aware of my own ego and this makes me critical of others so i end up doing bad things. why is my brain like this? there's no end to it. at some point you realize you're just too easily overwhelmed by human stimuli and effectively useless socially to others. i cant do this why is human interaction so overwhelming
Anonymous 108758
End-Fing-World-158…
>>108746 here
I just spoke with him and he told me that my attitude has changed and that he thinks I don't respect him anymore.
The more I spent time with him the more I realized he is cringe, sometimes pathetic, and he had been faking a lot of things that impressed me so I'm not feeling any respect anymore. I think that I used to be a door mat that was very clingy to him before and he thought that my clinginess was me being respectful and I also had serious abandonment issues so I never voiced out properly. It's different now. I wonder if things might have changed once I realized that he's just threatening to block/leave me, and I started to develop some self-respect and started to talk back and that's actually what he means by loss of respect towards him.
If this is the case, then it's so scary. No wonder moids want domesticated tradwives that don't talk back and are completely dependent on them. I hope that I'm just exaggerating right now and this isn't the case. In any case, even if I don't really express my frustrations, it somehow gets picked up by him and it's ruining everything. God, why am I pathetic?
Anonymous 108759
>>108758people objectify others because it makes them feel powerful. at the end of the day, some men are more validated by this feeling than others. you can only choose to pursue those that don't have those traits.
Anonymous 108760
>>108757I've experienced so much negativity in my life that I think that my brain is conditioned towards only sensing negative things as if I have to be on high alert and on the watch for negativity all the time, and even if anything positive happens, it doesn't stick in me.
I wish I could stop being so pessimistic but idk how. Lot of self-help advice online suggest starting a gratitude journal but it makes me cringe when I have to feel gratitude for something insignificant like tasting good food.
>>108759He used to be so kind. Now he tells me that I'm the one that changed. All of this makes me feel insane as if I'm the one that is misunderstanding everything. I don't even know if what I said above is true or it's just my paranoid imagination.
Anonymous 108764
Nothing trigger me more than stumbling across these "feminine/masculine" energy YouTube videos. I can't believe I watched a woman with full make up on, smacking her lips and talking about how women have to be on a feminine spiritual path due to our biology as if gender roles are biological. I have to constantly read how disordered I am for not being feminine, and the whole psychoanalysis of women is centered around how feminine or not they are. She said that women have more estrogen because they have the biological role of a nurturer and since we have less testosterone then we can't do masculine things because it will give us psychological issues. She also said that a true feminine woman improves a man's life and the whole bullshit about how if a woman feels safe then she will serve the moid with a smile on her face and turn her brain off cause she doesn't have to use it no more and how woman's role in the world is about surrendering, allowing. Help she even said that she wants to make her videos in a more feminine way to not be in her masculine energy. So I'm pissed as fuck I shouldn't have watched it.
I hate having to be feminine so much as my biology requires me too so this is some extremely triggering content for me that makes me obsess over my own feelings and I keep judging myself trying to find out why the idea of being feminine makes me feel psychologically terrorized so obviously I think I'm disordered and need to be fixed but I don't want it yet these thoughts don't dissapear
Anonymous 108767
What species of mental illness makes you long for someone that YOU REJECTED WITH YOUR OWN DAMN LOGICAL BRAIN.
Anonymous 108768
femininity.png
>>108764Eternal issue for women, it seems. Also, this will be really difficult to wrangle out because most heterosexuals (females especially) revel in sex polarization, so they will gladly undo all the work for gender neutrality that feminists are trying to do.
Who was it that said that most (especially American) women today are descendants of female puritans of the past? Wasn't the entirety of USA built on puritanism culturally?
Anonymous 108769
>>107281i am generally tired of low empathy behavior. empathy is decreasing in the US, no doubt because of the internet and its politicization, people becoming more narcissistic and mentally ill in general. ultimately you have to create your own "safe spaces" on the internet otherwise everywhere you go is filled with people who just… suck. i distinctly remember online interactions being less bad in the past, nowadays i just get pissed off at how dominating the behavior is.
Anonymous 108775
>>108769>i distinctly remember online interactions being less bad in the past, nowadays i just get pissed off at how dominating the behavior is.I don't know if this is what you're talking about but I've noticed that comments on every popular social media website/app have gotten really negative and brutally honest to the point of sounding spiteful and mean. So many rude comments get thousands of likes and nobody calls them out. It used to be just YouTube in my opinion, now this negativity is everywhere, especially on apps that are dominated by teenagers and younger people.
Anonymous 108777
>>108764Yes, genders are biological. Troons have an opinion but it don't make them right.
Anonymous 108779
>>108777Are you discarding the concept of gender altogether?
Anonymous 108780
>>108769It always been like this. If you look at humanity past you see all this tyranny then you look at human minds online and… yep it totally makes sense how this tyranny happened. Human nature have always been the same, if you go online here human minds are completely exposed so for example you can see that misogyny is inherent in moids and handmaid behavior is inherent in women and it's horrifying. It makes misogyny spread like a cancer, they would absolutely cause a total enslavement of women if they got out of hand. That's their default state and beliefs they are stubborn about, what humans speak online is just their real selves and they haven't been better in the past or had more empathy. Humans were doing horrifying things in the past and believed in retarded things. Seeing humans fully exposed online terrifies me and I'm a doomer about life because we will never be free if this is how evil humans are and because of how unconscious they are born and the retardation in them simply dominates and refuses to look past itself so online you can see how stubborn they are, we should honestly fear the tyranny human minds conceive and conceived in the past and the online world allows us to see the thought process behind it. Past terrifies me more than current state of humanity cause they are far worse when they are more unconscious and technology doesn't exist. I would never want to go back to the past especially as a woman
Anonymous 108783
Neuro typicals pretending to have mental illness so they seem interesting and quirky is really getting under my skin. They always talk about how hard it is to get diagnosed and how they’re diagnosed with the wrong things. Maybe because you don’t have anything wrong with you. Just a hunch. The first time I saw my psychologist she was like yup you have ADHD. Within a month of seeing a therapist she was like yup you have ocd. The place I go to is literally subsidized by the government. I pay 8-16 a visit. I had a mental breakdown the other day cause I’m experiencing such bad burn out from my job. I’d rather be normal than fucking “quirky”.
Anonymous 108785
>>108783For me, knowing that I have a disorder messes my mind up. Back then when I was unaware, I didn't care about the toxic things I did and I either blamed something else or just assumed that what I do is a normal behavior. Now, even if I said something insignificant, my mind goes "look at you you are splitting that's a bad behavior!" and I feel like there's a camera lookong at me and telling me how the things I do is because of the disorder.
I don't even understand how these cringe fakers even brag about having disorders. I feel like someone slapped me when I read the words "empowered borderline".
OCD is absolute hell.
Anonymous 108788
>>108782
What's sad is misogyny, handmaiden behavior and ignorant tyrants like you who treat observant and patriarchy hating women as crazies who are making shit up
Anonymous 108790
>>107488are you implying that being a antisocial hateful person is a prerequisite for being a NEET?
Anonymous 108793
d27843b65eabf80517…
I always wanted a man to want me and never get tired of me… To be obsessed with me, to love, to protect me, to provide, to dote on me, and only me, forever. I wanted those things not just for a few years until they feel comfortable and give up the courting… but I wanted to be cherished for my whole life…
You know those videos of elderly women bragging on their husbands, the ones who've always consistently gone above and beyond for them? What luck, right?
Anonymous 108795
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>>108793I somehow feel that in general we lack these old ladies' perspective on the discussions we have here.
They have a life long of experience and would probably give good insights regarding the way they have interacted with men throughout their lives.
Anonymous 108801
1682286654990.jpeg
>>108797Exactly. To be clear it is not about asking for advice necessarily. Getting more diverse perspectives is always good, you don't even need to agree with those to benefit from them.
Anonymous 108805
>>108793>what luckAnd they're probably mentioning the absolute bare minimum the husband should do while they're the one slobbering through housework after work hours, most probably burdened by bone issues or back pain at best
Fictional guys are there for a reason
Anonymous 108825
>>108788I guess I also need to "touch grass" because I agree with your original comment.
Anonymous 108831
Two most boring topics discussed online: sex and boyfriend.
Anonymous 108835
>>108737Consider the possibility that you might be under the influence of the sunk cost fallacy. Just because you've invested a ton of time and effort into something doesn't mean you HAVE TO keep doing so. Yes, it's embarrassing, and yes, you want to avoid admitting you've been beating a dead horse, but you have to be honest with yourself.
I'll say this - don't push the nuclear button until diplomacy proves itself useless.
Anonymous 108840
It is such an underwhelming feeling when you finally realize that a person with whom you were once so intimate, so bare in all things (especially emotional) is now effectively a stranger. When once conversations took their own rhythm. And were easy and without reservations. Now they were an exercise in tactful small talk. Once, the very prospect would have driven me insane. Now I regard the fact with a sober matter-of-factness. Yeah. We outgrew each other. He pined for a while. I hurt him… maybe. He thought I would be willing to try again. I have no lenience with people who disappoint more than once, so I stood my ground. And now when we spoke last, he seemed to have moved on. I want to say that I am happy, or relieved or… but the truth is that I am very underwhelmed. I think i’ve felt all there is to feel and processed all there was to process and now it’s time to turn the page for good. That’s it. That’s the lesson.
Anonymous 108919
>>108914
Not wanting kids with an autistic moid isn't eugenics, you don't know what that term means
Anonymous 108926
1873a10b9779fd183a…
I've started to use tumblr as a vent diary. I've written so much in the past few days that I don't think I'll even go back and read any of them, although I secretly want to because I'm actually impressed by some of the things I've written in there. I think I've written a whole novella in there in just a week.
Anonymous 108929
It was OCD groinal response, possibly, I am diagnosed with OCD but not in this manifestation. So perhaps I just want it to be from OCD and I'm really in denial. Emotionally it disgusts me, but WHAT IF I'M JUST REPRESSED. It's a serious possibility, weighing the evidence, and an external perspective would agree. I hate myself. So that I don't have to wonder whether or not it's real, I've been burning my clit, but only ever managing the most superficial layer of skin. I don't have the mental wiring for self mutilation, which is fortunate, but in this case I wish I did for practical purposes.
Don't laugh at me. I'm self-aware. I know I sound like a psych case making a big deal and needs to get out of my head, and all of that is true. The best thing I can do is keep myself busy. I can distract myself when my thoughts are quiet enough, and it does help. But eventually I have to try to sleep and can't distract myself. And it's only a matter of time before I have more bad dreams.
Anonymous 108930
>>108929It’s absolutely OCD, please don’t hurt yourself
Anonymous 108938
>>108929is it OCD itself is an OCD nona. Obsessing about obsessing. Truth is WE DON'T KNOW. MAYBE IT IS MAYBE IT ISN'T.
What's the groinal response triggering for?
Pedo, holy figures, bestiality, paraphilia?
Anonymous 108943
I want love so much, but I'll be lonely all my life because I'm ugly. Not like love, not even friends. The friends I had actually despised me, and other women shun and avoid, disdain to sit next to me
Anonymous 108988
can't they fucking die already holy shit
Anonymous 108992
I can fix myself physically but no one will care. Why shouldn't I just start drinking myself into comas again? Not like anyone wants me.
Anonymous 108997
I hate that men on social media make everything about women being worse.
Literally was watching a poop joke video and some dude comments "women would never make poop jokes and be this funny!"
Perhaps I took this personally because I am THE toilet humor person among my friends. Fart and poop women deserve rights too. We are in the trenches (the sewers) too.
Don't even get me started on humor and art being subjective in general. Pisses me to hell and back when people try to project their taste onto everyone. I could strangle them if I didn't know violence was senseless and unproductive. Such people have the emotional intelligence and awareness of a lizard or lower. Where is the theory of mind? How are we failing to teach so many children worldwide?
Anonymous 109002
Every time I join discussions about shows or fiction, I come across opinions that no one else bothers to question except me. It's a constant internal debate like should I express my viewpoint or just let it go? Ironically, when I do respond to these consistently online ppl they seem genuinely surprised and lose their composure. The mere act of presenting a mild yet assertive opinion is enough to get angry towards me.
I guess I'm not great at fitting in with communities.
Anonymous 109003
i want love but im afraid id end up using someone so i stay away
Anonymous 109008
I’m so fucking depressed oh my god everything I’m touching is going to shit. all my relationships in my life are fucking imploding. everything i do is pissing people off and everyone has been so mad over stupid things for months. im such a fucking retard I think I’m the problem. Half the problems in my life people are outright blaming me for because I’m such a fucking pussy I just take everything or because I deserve it because I’m a fuck up. Everything hurts and I have no idea how to stop it because it’s coming from every fucking direction. I feel like everything is attached to something and if quit or cut out one bad thing, something significant will fall with it. How the fuck does anyone maintain anything that is important to them? I can barely put my clothes away without screwing something up. I am so confused and I don’t know who I can trust or who I can talk to anymore. Everyone is turning on me all at once and I keep making everything worse. I either feel like I don’t belong or I’m unwanted or I’m being used or trapped. I don’t know what to do about anything and everything is so tangled up I don’t know where to begin. i hate everything I’m such a fuck up.
Anonymous 109012
>>108031If it makes you feel any better, I'm moving out to the countryside with my mom and my aunt's family in a few months, and I'm incredibly jealous of your horse. It's probably gonna be a few years before I can get a horse of my own ;(
GL tho nona ;)May your family grow large and strong.
Anonymous 109022
I'm watching a melodramatic movie but a bad character triggered me so much that my head is starting to hurt now. I understand that that's the point in making these characters to be extremely evil caricatures but…
If I lose my shit to a movie character, how am I going to even deal with such people if I had to interact with them in real life?
Anonymous 109033
>>109002yeah I've stopped engaging with a lot of fandom spaces bc doing this makes me feel horrible. I'm especially tired of all the negativity…it feels like these communities bond over what they hate about media more than what they love sometimes, and they're convinced they actually have an impact that you have a moral imperative to agree or be "part of the problem". but you know what? if you're going to treat me like I'm stupid because I don't hate something you've all agreed is bad, then I'm just not going to participate. no, it's okay, I'm sure you're having more fun with your little hatefest.
>>108997I am at my wit's end with the way some men (it's always men) talk about art. the concept of an authorial choice might as well be alien to them! all that matters is how it lives up to their algorithm of good and bad things, which of course is objectively correct and speaks for everyone. god forbid anything requires interpretation, they're borderline illiterate if it isn't spelled out.
Anonymous 109036
i fear one day i’ll have to see the person who assaulted me. im literally so terrified to leave my house sometimes or visit the workplace i used to go to because im so terrified of this man who hurt me. i hate men. i want to blame myself for what happened, but i think that would excuse what he did to me, and im scared he will do it to another. the fact i havent roped within this year is crazy
Anonymous 109068
I recently had a messy fucked up situation with a schizophrenic guy for like a month and a half and after finally seeing my therapist she described it as scary, traumatic, and "like a hostage situation" which I'm inclined to agree with. I'm exhausted, I wake up with my heart racing, I'm always tense and on edge looking for his car or his face, I'm double checking all the locks and peering out my window if I hear a car go by. He's very unpredictable and I'm scared he'll just show up at my house or workplace again acting sorry for himself and saying I'm an awful person even though I did way more to help him than anyone else would have. I keep feeling like it's my fault. My therapist reminded me that I'm not attracting these people, crazies go where they're allowed to stay and I'm just a nice person. That's a nice way to look at it but I desperately want to be able to better protect myself against shitty people. I don't want to be a doormat to crazies and abusers anymore.
Anonymous 109071
why the fuck are moids so psychotic? some dude i rejected a year ago has been harassing me non stop because he still feels entitled to dating me, the worst part is that i was at the hospital when i had non stop harassment from him and blocking him didnt work. Leggit, sometimes i forget how terrible moids are.
Anonymous 109093
Guys don’t want to sleep with me at all. I know other girls always say that male attention is super cheap and meaningless but for whatever reason guys are just absolutely repelled by me. I feel like society says that men have literally no standards so you have to be super super super ugly to not be able to attract guys, but I’m skinny and facially average and I have decent hygiene. It just feels like something is inherently wrong with me because I have felt rejected by men my whole life and I am different from other girls in this experience.
Anonymous 109094
>>109093It's normal to want people to want you. Some people just have bad luck regarding the people around them is all. I think that attraction is just a nunbers game; if you meet more men you're bound to run into some who are interested in you.
Anonymous 109096
I hate streaming services. It just seems evil to me - when they came out it seemed too good to be true, so I avoided it like the plague. Somewhere between paying and watching, someone is getting screwed over. Maybe the someone is me, maybe the someone is some down-on-their-luck artist who's getting paid bumfck nothing (artists not getting paid isn't the issue, rather, artists being exploited and making nothing while others profit off their work [and now we have AI, yippee!!! {I guess even the computer I'm using had some design element for which some poor sap was underpaid…}]). Oh but don't worry, people will only complain that you can no longer get 30 movies for the price of 1, you'll see countless articles about that, but not one (1) about how by continuing to subscribe to this garbage, you're actively supporting monopolies that are too big to care about any individual person… But hey, better to strengthen your enemies than feel even slightly left out when everyone else is discussing the latest episode of poopshit sex attack* (gaahhh please don't "spoil" the precious tv show!!! gahhh!)…
I was genuinely hopeful that peoples' interests would branch out a bit more with the advent of the internet, but this concentration of entertainment into a few big services will ultimately give us television/radio 2.0. The hoi polloi will feast from the trough of big business, happily ceding their personal information so that the app can make them feel as unique and special as possible. Wow, your spotify daylist recommended you content from big labels? You're so unique, this is something you should share to your socials! This is how we fit in, by being different! For a quotidian dollar, you'd think that they wouldn't need to sell your data to the highest bidder… But of course they do! Newspapers had the same model over a hundred years ago, they've just improved the available tech so that you buy more stuff. But no-one cares; as the old adage goes: "if you have nothing to hide, then please please let us into your head so that we can manipulate you into serving our purposes". Makes sense to me, and if you disagree, you're probably a terrorist or something…
Where am I going with this? Idk, I witnessed an interaction yesterday that reminded me I'm living in the future, and not a good future. I remembered that no matter how hard I try to escape the propaganda, I'm surrounded by people who think "the world" is this concrete thing that they have immediate access to, and I ultimately get dragged into it, if only for a small amount of time. I know the world isn't real, I know that so much of it is so far beyond me that thinking about it is just a distraction from doing something more worthwhile with my time, but dag-nab-it I'd be a liar if I said I was immune to this poison.
Anonymous 109113
65e368857fce0fa826…
The avoidance is hitting again.
What do I do god what do I do goddddd
If I'm actually built to be eccentric and alone I have never fucking known myself.
Anonymous 109116
>>109115Thanks anon, I appreciate this but I don't think it's about self-esteem anymore.
Just selfishness.
Anonymous 109120
It is tax season. The time of year we’re taking care of my shit mother actually pays off. She basically took a bunch of Benadryl and convinced a psychologist, she had schizophrenia. She’s just an alcoholic but she gets disability now. Well when I do my taxes I get claim her as a dependent because I pay the majority of our bills and have to buy her shit all the time. Cause she either spends all of her money or one of her weird boyfriends take it. Now she wants me to give half of my tax return to her and I don’t fucking think so nonas
Anonymous 109122
>>107454I use a bidet and wear the same underwear for like a week
Anonymous 109126
english bed Guille…
I hate how young women are politically either batshit woke or pickme tradwives. I hate almost everything about leftism and have become very pro-white, but I'm not interested in being submissive housewife or whatever. Every single white woman of my age I know has drunk all the anti-white, pro-sex work, climate hysteria, soulless american liberal kool aid. I can't relate to women at all at this point and I feel like I'm doomed to always be lonely.
Anonymous 109130
>>109126Politics is now almost entirely a matter of branding; you signal to others which "side" you're on, and if you don't match every particular aspect about that "side" you automatically become the enemy by default. Ergo hiveminds.
For example, I wouldn't mind owning a place to live - seems to be a human need of sorts. Alas, there is a lack of supply in housing, and this is in part due to mass immigration. Acknowledging that I don't want things to get even more crowded makes me a racist, and I would be rejected by a large proportion of my nation for thinking this. At the same time, the housing crisis in my country is also mostly caused by dodgy tax laws that lets the wealthy claim
any losses on their properties - if you're earning millions, you'd be stupid not to take advantage of this and convert most of the tax you would normally pay into houses you can own. Pointing out how ridiculous this law is (and that people should just pay tax and invest in things that will actually help society) would have me rejected by the rest of my nation. It's incredible how easily stupid poor people can be manipulated into fighting against their own best interest.
What is most perplexing in all of this is that, economically, importing low-skilled migrants is very much a 'right-wing' thing, because it's cheap labor. Socially, importing low-skilled migrants is 'progressive' (maybe), but it is not 'left-wing' (as an aside, I tend to just avoid the terms left and right altogether because they've become meaningless paradoxes at this point). A true 'left-wing' policy would be to ban the exploitation of third-world workers entirely, which of course is never floated as a legitimate policy because that would disrupt the 'line-goes-up' structure of our economic system. Instead, the media brands wanting immigrants as "left" because that will immediately neutralise any potential threats. At the same time, it really doesn't matter if the "right" faction wants no immigrants, because even if they get their way, they'll never rally for decent living conditions in third-world nations. This buys the elites time, the culturally left will fight the culturally right, and regardless of who wins the fat cats will wind up with more…
People have lost the ability to think for themselves. Actually, even if they had the ability, they'd prefer to be told what to think. They're so fucking lazy. They then assume everyone else is lazy, that everyone else must follow this culture war too and they're either with or against them. No wonder so many people feel fucking lonely - any slight perturbation from the company line and their head's on the chopping block, but like, what else can they do, right? If I don't meet strict requirements for supporting red team, then I must by default support blue team. Simultaneously, if I don't meet strict requirements for supporting blue team, then I support red team. Since I don't support either, then I must support both (this is political relativity - it's observer dependent). This dichotomous thinking is bad, but what's worse is that they truly think that because I'm on the other team, then I'm a threat, or a bad person, and that if I can't be "saved" then I have to be rejected. Heaven forbid you form any new neural connections past the age of ten.
Anonymous 109138
>>109130>No wonder so many people feel fucking lonely - any slight perturbation from the company line and their head's on the chopping block, but like, what else can they do, right?I agree with this. I think it's a big reason why so many young people are lonely and many don't even have the courage to go outside and live a normal life. Everything has become a 24/7 political witch hunt. Every space and hobby now feels like there's some political layer where you have to pretend to agree to fit in.
I live in a small european country that has been flooded with a lot of migrants. This place has changed so much from when I was a kid, and that was not a long time ago. What bothers me more than economic issues or even crime is the loss of culture and identity. We are rapidly becoming americanized and globalized, english language is everywhere and in my lifetime I imagine the natives will be only half the population. Racial tensions are starting to dominate the culture like in USA. Most people don't care, they just want their Tiktok and rap music and porn and never ending childish "revolution", that's all their values are.
Anonymous 109144
You should demand it back, if they refuse spill the beans
Anonymous 109150
>>108690Dare her to do it, a crazy only stops when it meets someone crazier
Anonymous 109154
FqQY5IFXgAAeS7g.jp…
I feel like I'm a horrible person, a monster, but I can't become better, as hard as I try
Its all been a pipeline down this track all my life, I am and always were an extremely anxious person, I was scared of what could happen so I always tried to know, sometimes just predict what would happen so I could prepare myself for it or just run from it as much as I could. Also, since I was a kid, I've never felt traditionally powerful, I didn't have the most athletic body, I was never the best girl in math, no one listened to my suggestions, always followed someone else, I have no sisters or brothers, when I was born all my cousins had the age to be my parents, I'm an only daughter, grandchild and for much of my life an only niece, and of course the adults won't listen to a kid
This anxiety and feeling of powerlessness translated into an extremely good ability of manipulation, lying and gaslighting, to both calm my anxiety by manipulating the events ahead as much as I could to prevent any surprises, and to exert (subtle) power, since I never had done it
Something fucked up happend in the process because I started unironically scheming to further my own goals, and taking pleasure over it, for example 5 couples from my town are only a couple because I got them together as part of various schemes which usually involved this couple indirectly fucking over someone else; this ties to the fact that I do not hesitate to throw people who have wronged me under the bus.
I've started med school (Most prestigous course you can take in my country) in one of the top 5 most prestigious universities in my country right after High School (Very rare to happen), and I'm still doing it, but even with all of this, I'm still unhappy, why am I unhappy when every fucking person in the world would be more then satisfied?? I'm tired of it all, I'm tired of scheaming, of gaslighting others, of making people pleasing politics, of fake personas, of stalking, of never feeling a deep friendship with anyone
My future shines bright but all I feel is like I'm in a war fighting a hard battle at every front; I just wanna recluse myself to some remote mountain range in a cozy cabin and live without human interaction until I drop dead
Also I don't pay any taxes and help a relative do some shady shit which i get a % of the profit
Anonymous 109156
Rightspeech.jpg
>>109154The first benefits of good morals is a clear conscious and sleepful nights.
Start small and get better. It takes time. Tackle one issue at a time (start with the worse one). After a few years, I'm currently working towards eliminating lying.
Anonymous 109157
I was seeing a guy and he was really amazing. Incredibly patient with me and really didn't care about my social ineptitude. We lived about 3 hours a part and saw each other on weekends when fate would allow it. He really went above and beyond. My heart has softened to him and I didnt want to let go of such a good thing. Wanted no contact for a month kinda out of nowhere with little explanation. Ended up dropping me. Im sure he has his reasons,i didn't pry but I feel led on. I don't see new people ever. Hes the 2nd person I've ever slept with in all my years so i really did think he was special. Im moving back to his city mid this year but I really doubt anything will happen between us again despite him saying he would be open to the idea. Im so over it . No one is ever worth pursuing im always left disappointed and angrysad. Nonas i miss him :(
Anonymous 109160
>>109159Thank you. These >>109158 teenage stances have been normalized in adulthood (because people not believing in good consume more I guess), yet they just generate suffering and laziness.
Anonymous 109161
>>109160Why are women so obsessed with policing other women's morals?
Most people have the evil she has in her but since she expressed it then youre pointing the finger at her
Anonymous 109163
>>109161Nobody here has pointed a finger at that nona. She's clearly aware of the problem and has already made the first steps toward fixing it. Although she's also a little too hard on herself I wouldn't consider helping other people get together a sociopathic trope.
Anonymous 109164
>>109161She's professing apathy as an effective strategy for >>109154's unhappiness. It's retarded, I point it, that's all.
>policingLol so much police power displayed in that anonymous post. I'm sorry, is my knee on your neck? Did you need a trigger warning for exposing you to dissenting opinions?
This isn't policing, this is more of a friendly warning, as in - nona, you're fucked in the head, this is no way to live life, there is a less suffering prone way.
Anonymous 109165
>>109164Thats how the whole female socialization works on a mass scale so yes it is a problem.
Anonymous 109166
>>109163They are saying she's bad meanwhile most people are bad like this but that gets ignored. And also most people suffer but that also gets ignored while the finger gets pointed at me and my "suffering" is seen as a punishment for my mentality which other suffering people dont even have
Anonymous 109167
>>109165Female socialization works by women expressing and discussing different opinions? Do you want us to stop doing this? Is it really this difficult to think for more than one step ahead?
>>109166>They are saying she's badCan you point out the posts and quotes saying that she's bad? You're the only one getting criticized here.
Anonymous 109168
>>109166No one is saying she is bad, she is saying that herself.
We are only sharing that acting good tends to lead to feeling good long term. It's strategical as well as moral.
Anonymous 109169
When I was younger I regulated my rage so much id practically culled whatever nerves firing to induce it. Instead of naked anger, my outbursts come out in whines and sullen silences. This is doubly funny since I loathe people of this (mine) temperament and find them insecure (I am that) and passive.
I want to say I miss being loved, but truly I miss loving. I know for a fact my cognitive decline is psychological in basis because for a month last year when I was in love, I could prattle entire passages from a Denial of Death after having just read it. Now my working memory is nonexistent.
I miss so many things about my old self, but it's also freaky that im now old enough to have forgotten most of my teens. And it's not like this happened over a long stretch of time too. One day I was thinking things like 'I so enjoy being imaginative and childish I'm never growing out of being childish. I love the whimsy in my mind.' and the next my mind is blank and I can barely remember what existence was like when I was at that age. I also feel so disconnected from a lot of bodily mundanities that I'd taken for granted. Like there are so many sensations I hadn't experiences in a decade almost. The feel of someone's pattering fingertips on your knee, my mother practically tearing my hair from its roots as she preps me for school, the rancid smell of those yellow flowers littering the sidewalk outside our school, gross wet kisses from nameless relatives on religious occations, pinches on the side of my wrist.
Anyways, I was gonna talk about how vile the people who love to show off are but eh
Anonymous 109171
>>109154>med student>acting like thisNot surprised. I remember I read somewhere that most surgeons have ASPD. I guess they need it to be able to focus on the job.
Anonymous 109178
>>109156>pic>must only say things that are "beneficial" and "accepted"but who decides what is beneficial and accepted, do they your best interests in mind when making that decision, and what could they possibly do to you if you don't comply? some big thinks here
Anonymous 109179
deer jump.png
I live in a mixed race country and I'm mixed race myself, but I'm unable to relate to the local culture or my family culture.
Venting to people in real life results in "whoa, but the country's culture is mixed, how can you not enjoy it? There is a little of everything", venting to foreigns online results in "you should love yourself!1!! You have more than one culture".
Anonymous 109180
>>109179Ethnic identity is a social construct that turns people into chauvinistic idiots. You're better off not having one anyway.
Anonymous 109181
I takes courage to look into the mirror and even more to share your verdict, for it be then
confirmed by peers. But no one threw any stone here: she wants to get better and she is struggling, she actually, is growing up.
>>109166On the other hand, if you plan on living your life professing 'accepting your shitty-self' without questioning your own morals and behaviour, I have bad news for you: we will not let you make us accept that it is acceptable.
Creating a good place to discuss the struggles we face and vent does not equal validating counter productive behaviours.
Almost looks like there is some stuff you can not deal with, want to talk about it?
Anonymous 109186
>>109178Whoever tries to set rules for other people's speech has no moral or rational highground and tries to control the situation
Anonymous 109189
>>109164>>109160>>109166Pfffffft it just sounds like you know next to nothing about how shitty people truly are if you think morals beneft them ina measurable way. Usually when people piss and moan about being wronged by an antisocial behavior nowadays its a low stakes psychological injury and sounds like a joke when you hear what it was and it was always some stupid diva that had a crisis. If that was a day in my life it would be so fucking normal and nobody would have bat an eye.
I can relate to her SO MUCH. I developed extreme detachment from people almost bordering on psychopathy from my experiences with people though im pretty benign. I can see how she would develop this tool to get people to hear her because nobody ever listens or they tell you you're seeking attention or bitching when you're a woman and you feel hollow and indescribably bad. Usually people are so off the charts indifferent to anything that matters but themselves so attributing any problem to morals is just laughable to me. It only benefits certain people
And its hysterical the way you say it, as if people need protecting. You need protection from people if anything.
If you don't like people like her "causing suffering" by not giving a shit and oops accidentally stepping on your toes ina roundabout way, then maybe end the stupid hypocrisy
In the mean time people will fall all over themselves when a GUY is outraged and hurt and wants people to bend their morals to his benefit.
I'm not about to go become an axe murderer but I absolutely get it if you have to get whatever you need that way, through manipulation, since nobody listens.
Half the time when people are offended by "the antisocial" its not actually a shooting its some low stakes drama or inconvenience, a pissing contest turned into a war crime and its almost always some fucking diva that was offendee. Only SOME people who are allowed to be offended at inconvenience and having their toes stepped on. ONLY SOME and its only getting worse with the political polarization in my country
Often it also just sounds like some secret bigot harping and sniping on the sly, so what the fuck am I supposed to think you really even want????? Are you actually just some stupid asshole ? Normal people moralizing always just wanna get in your business and be insufferable half the time. They never have an endgame, theyre never fucking satisfied, all they ever fucking do is bitch. They want to pull you down into their stupid crab bucket and force you to wallow with them in misery or its a bunch of one sided hypocrisy
Thats usually all 'morals' amount to in real life. They usually just end up harrassing whoever they decide to, indefinitely for whatever reason they want and claim their shitty morals were offended. And in the
end you never feel like you got anywhere new, that anything improved, or that people became satisfied. They just go back to moralizing and bitching about something else and you feel the same drained empty desolation you did the day before.
Fuck shitty peope and their entitlement to pissant "social morals"
And fuck female socialization with a rusty pipe while were at it since it benefits nobody but moids.
Anonymous 109191
MakingWaves.png
>>109178Someone didn't read the note
>>109189>as if people need protecting. You need protection from people if anything.So who is people and who isn't?
>and fuck female socialization……with a very patriarchal image.
Anonymous 109193
>>109191>So who is people and who isn't?Who cares lmao, Step on pissant moralizing vampire toes and prosper.
>…with a very patriarchal image.Isn't that exactly what performance femininity wanted anyway ? This is exactly why it's such a great joke.
Anonymous 109194
>>109171>>109172>>109173>>109174>>109175I think she got it nona
Anonymous 109195
I've come to realize that people don't have a consistent concept of justice, they simply believe in justice when it suits them. They're hypocritical and nitpicky with some, while lenient and comfortable with others, all based on superficial perceptions formed by first impressions, whether positive or negative. I often argue against people myself for that sense of justice, which eats away at me inside. Then with time, people come to see things my way, but it takes time. This whole situation demoralizes me.
Anonymous 109196
>>109141
>It feels really great to feel indifferent to all of this and I think focusing on just living your life and your relationships with loved ones is what ultimately matters.
I agree with this, sadly there come points where those with whom you have irl relationships try pull you into their particular camp. Indifference is ultimately opposition when they think everyone's either for or against them.
Anonymous 109204
cantievendream0243…
It's been 4 months since we broke up. My friends and family keep asking me if there's any new guy I'm interested in or want to hook me up with someone. Today I got fed up with that. If I cry in front of you people you will all get uncomfortable like you always do.
Can't you see that I'm devastated? It took me so long to stop feeling unlovable and when I start to feel like it doesn't have to be that way he leaves me. Please leave me alone with my pain
Anonymous 109205
Screenshot_2024012…
>>109196>>109141Ha! Thucydides makes a similar point.
In troubled times, it's dangerous being a moderate, as being a moderate is perceived as being an accomplice of the enemy.
Anonymous 109210
head-spinning-498-…
I need to relax.
I've been thinking too much because it's an important day tomorrow and my head literally started to spin and it's hurting. I can't stop thinking too much. I need to get out.
Anonymous 109212
>>109193So your ideal is to become a moid defined along the radfem lines?
You are a part of the tate cult?
Anonymous 109214
do you find men to be traumatizing? for the record, i'm not one to group all men as being brutish, violent, or abusive. i think a very sizeable amount of men are, however. additionally, the subgroup of men who are violent and abusive end up being enabled by other men, who may not even be as bad as them, and pick me type of women who also enable them, procreate with these types of men, then produce more traumatizing people.
men use sexual and domination based language to traumatize other groups of people, namely women and racial groups. while i don't think language is traumatizing on its own, the history of men waging war against innocent people, raping women, and engaging in unnecessary violence and bloodshed adds a weight to their words. men will punish other men or even women for showing emotional vulnerability. men will kill women who reject them or commit a mass shooting if they feel entitled to do so. fraternity hazing is based on traumatizing other people in order to get them to conform.
the thing is, i have met men who aren't violent or abusive or traumatizing. but they turn a blind eye towards the men who are, or point their fingers at feminists, instead of denouncing the type of men who are. i sometimes just wish men who were truly empathetic were more in abundance. things would be better, or am i just weak? i sometimes wonder if i am just not built for this world.
Anonymous 109215
>>109214I agree, a large sway of men are, indeed, traumatizingly violent, in every aspect.
If I understand correctly, your questions are: Why those who are not like this do not do more in order to fight the violent ones and their abuse? Why do they seem to be sometimes neutral or agreeing with those horrible men? Why do some women seem to be attracted to these terrible men therefore perpetuating this circle?
We can only speculate, here are a few reflexions of mine:
- G1(the 'good' ones) spend a significant amount of their energy to not become G2(the bad ones)
- G1 were G2 before becoming G1, they therefore retain attachement for some bad behaviour they view as normal.
- G1 know better than picking fights where they are always outnumbered by people who they know are insane. Plus arguing with a bunch of retards is not something I would wish to the G1s I know.
- G1 advertising their position againt G2 are often ridiculed and relegated socialy, women sometimes partake in that.
- G1 has a view that being empathetic and being weak are two different things. Although they are able to show empathy, they will be very harsh against a lack of character or a lack of self discipline.
They will not condone overindulgence or self pity as it does a disservice to individual. These can be seen as being part of G2, especially when encountered as a teenager.
- Women who enable G2 to still be a thing don't know better. That's why women education is what will make us move forward.
Anonymous 109216
Nobody likes to listen to me vent. Some of them tell me that I'm stupid and weak for even having bad thoughts, and some of them get extremely stressed and just ask me to please stop because it overwhelms them.
Anonymous 109217
>>109216Perhaps choosing your venting partner by advertising up front you will be venting is the way to go?
If you allow someone to vent to you, you are right to feel entitled to ask the same no?
Do you, yourself, find it pleasant to listen someone vent?
I understand some people are not meant to be listeners like that.
Anonymous 109218
>>109217I don't know. Nobody vents to me. Everyone around me seems composed and keep their shit together.
Anonymous 109219
>>109218Maybe you can find someone to 'vent with' in the thread to get someone to exchange with.
Journaling can be something nice for you.
Anonymous 109220
first time my head ringed this much I literally just fell off my ass lmao
Anonymous 109221
>>109220because I tried masturbating again but my arm cramped and first thing I do after I can see things again is ventin on cc. shit shouldn't be this funny
Anonymous 109251
>>109215you make good points. i even think one of your reasonings, that G1 was originally G2, can be extended to be that G1 grew up with family or friends who were G2. "good," or at the very least decent men, who observed their fathers and school friends being abusive and then believing them to be reflective of what should be real world values instead of wholly flawed.
i've been thinking in general how traumatizing it is being a woman. i realize, as a woman, youre constantly witnessing the bad ones, "G2," do awful shit in the world like rape, murder, prey after young children. then you observe the types of things men say, the types of behavior they enable, and it starts to chip away at your spirit. even if women act like pick mes or say offensive things, there's no weight to any of their words the same way there is to mens. when has femininity, feminism, or female solidarity ever meant the destruction of other peoples or physically harming other people?
why can't we, even the good men, all agree that we hate the same people, the ones who are harming others and speak out against them, instead of enabling their behavior or acting as if it's a matter of man hating feminists hating everything men do. i have met enough bad men to know how traumatizing masculinity can be. it feels like being a woman is constantly biting your tongue about how traumatizing men are, i can't take it anymore
Anonymous 109252
>>109251Bad men are not as bad to good men as they are to women: the urgency is not there in the first place.
Radfems would like there to be no peace to be found, so other extremities could be considered.
They are seen more like problem makers than solution providers, which is a tragedy when this image propagates to more constructive movements.
All of this can add up to create distance.
For a lot of men, women's suffering is even less tangible than wars in distant countries.
Nameless victims of an evil that justifies itself, at some point it is just the works of nature to them.
These 'good men' are probably the most 'blackpilled' (I dont like the term but it fits here) as they share a bleak view on male behaviour on par with the radfems'. They experience helplessness as they just have to look within themselves to see the darkness lingering there.
I'd say, how much help can you expect from people whose primary defining trait is to not like themselves?
On the bright side, some do speak out, not enough, but some do.
I feel your pain on so many levels, I really do nona. Even though I think(hope) their shit can be sorted, I think they will not be able to do it by themselves.
Anonymous 109275
the knee jerk reactions to "polilez" are so funny when in that same breath they cry "accept you're a lesbian!!" when a "struggling lesbian" has sex with men
Anonymous 109276
superpissedbenson.…
I hate social media sites that won't let me view their content unless I make an account. How desperate for data mining me are you?
Anonymous 109277
>>109276I feel the same way, that's why I started using frontend alts ages ago
Anonymous 109289
I guess we've gotten toxic but I don't care anymore. Used to look past all his childish behaviours but it's boiling over. We were spending the day together and I stopped by a place to get some food, but when the QR ordering bugged we left for somewhere else. He said "that was really embarrassing for me". I snapped. This same guy who only eats off the kids menu, never takes me anywhere nice because he won't eat at any place other than fast food. He's a perpetual tag alonger so I went and found an Italian place, I choose the most standard spaghetti and he tries to save face and orders the same. He's forcing himself to eat the most basic meal ever holding back gags until he can't and runs to the bathroom.
I got a lot of joy watching him suffer and it's a shame because it used to be genuinely wholesome and sweet. Oh well he's a disgusting fetishist who gets off dressing like an anime girl when I'm not home, so fuck him.
Anonymous 109291
>>109290
imagine the smell ew
Anonymous 109292
>>109289I once went on a couple of dates with a moid who would unironically remove all vegetables from the food he ordered. And, like, sure, it's okay to have your preferences, some people really hate tomatoes or we, but ALL of them!? I asked him and he told that the fries are the only vegetable food he tolerates. I noped the fuck out and ghosted him.
Anonymous 109293
I'm not a fan of vanity, but I believe people should have a healthy level of self-esteem and not feel ashamed of considering themselves pretty. I don't mean constantly proclaiming they are pretty publically, but rather having a balanced awareness of it. Otherwise people (especially scrotes) will try to gaslight them into feeling worthless, and getting plastic surgery or being a pickme.
Anonymous 109300
i am so lonely. unfortunately i hate everyone.
Anonymous 109301
>>109293I completely agree, this is often an overlooked issue.
I do not believe one can love someone else if they do not love themselves first.
Anonymous 109304
I have a really bad case of Covid. Now my drunk, shit breed mother keeps pulling nonsense and I’m about to lose it nonas
Anonymous 109333
sitting between two couples makes me want to cry holy shit how can they kiss hairy ogres like them it's so disgusting
Anonymous 109334
I don't know how they can find that easy and funny to badmouth an older women that clearly has autism or something. Fucking bullies.
Anonymous 109337
Please for the love of God don't let me be blackpilled any further. If my current boyfriend's (who is a good, stable, successful man) dick game cannot compare to my narcissistic BPD ex's I will not be able to settle. The dirty talk and the motion of the ocean will be some of the biggest factors, but please God do not let him be smaller than my ex or circumcised. Otherwise I will have to commit to momentary volsingleness and celibacy until I could be in the position to find a man that is a synthesis of the hentai-mouthed uncut devil and the decent person who shows even a modicum of maturity, compassion, and providerly/fatherly instincts. I know true love is out there but I want it to be him. I know I could find true love with all the perks also through a very soulless process but clearly I'm entitled, I want it come by certain means as well for the full fairytale package. Fuck. Please even if I do not end up marrying him let us both have a good decently long relationship where we help each other grow and heal.
Anonymous 109340
I interviewed for a job and didn't get it.
Anonymous 109342
fucking had it with my grandma. she's going demented and she knows it but won't admit it. this makes her nasty to everyone around her as she is afraid people are trying to take control from her. she's super paranoid and i know everytime she goes out, say to a doctor's appointment or something, all the people she interacts with are saying "oh fuck a crazy lady, better remove her from the building". she always carries multiple copies of some kind of documentation like an email or something to prove she ought to be there. she's also lost all faith in others to perform even the most simple fasks. if she has to give me a key to do something she explain what keys do as she hands it to me. i hope i don't live that long and end up like her.
>>109333same. i find couples with one attractive person and one uggo to be the worst. it proves that it isn't just my looks holding me back.
>>109326fuck that bitch. i hate her too.
>>109300i feel it.
>>109337circumcision fucked. fingers crossed for you.
>>109340bummer. my dad used to have to fire people af his place of work and he'd always remind them that when they eventually did get a new job there would quickly come a day when they missed being unemployed, so try and make the most of it while it lasts. "this too shall pass".
Anonymous 109343
My mom tried to kill herself in front of me well she didn’t try she’s probably gonna die. When I tried to get the pills out of her mouth she bit me and that’s probably gonna be the last memory I have of her. My life has been so traumatic I’m taking this pretty well. If she does die I’m gonna end up homeless cause the house we live in belongs to my abusive step father who was in the process of divorcing her. She would have gotten the house but now if she dies it’s his.
Anonymous 109344
>>109343Jesus Christ that's awful. I hope things turn out ok for you. I can't imagine being in your position right now.
Anonymous 109345
>>108929Hahaha, I'm so relieved. I thought of a normal fantasy that put a smile on my face and it made me remember the difference between enjoying a thought and wanting to throw up over it. Sounds very silly and obvious, right? I bet this is just short lived and I'll just start using that fantasy as a reassurance compulsion, which will get stupid and annoying. Right now I feel free and light.
Anonymous 109347
I have a job interview tomorrow for a job that I'm not even sure I want. I don't want to girlboss anymore. I just want to be happy.
Anonymous 109361
1660432207004114.j…
Just what the fuck is wrong with people?
If you enter most social media without trying to fiddle with the algorithm it's nothing but sex obsessed fuckwits.
I wish everyone in the world was castrated and became eunuchs, maybe them they'd have to develop real interests.
Anonymous 109362
Hitler was a better artist than I will ever be
Anonymous 109366
>>109362Wrong. Females are superior by default. You got this anonette.
Anonymous 109369
I am so tired of trying to plan things with my friend. We were supposed to go camping and she just doesn’t communicate fully what’s happening, what the game plan is, where we’re meeting, etc. We’re living in different towns now so it’s a little more difficult to meet. But when I ask her this stuff, like what the address is, she gets all shitty with me like I’m slow or something. Ok what if I’m slow?! Come on. Just give me the address of the airbnb or whatever, ok? How can it be that difficult to easily copy paste some bit of numbers to me and text it? The last time we met up, I literally just drove towards a city I knew was closest and just waited at a gas station for her to give me directions the rest of the way and it fucking sucked! How does she not understand this? I’ve talked to her abt this that it stresses me out to not know exactly where I’m going, and she just says I’m the only person who has a problem with it and I should just get over it. How about work with me? I work with all her needs, I just want the same amount of empathy I provide her.
Anonymous 109370
>>109369i feel like i read this post before what the fuck. anyway your friend sounds like an asshole gaslighting you about addresses to purposefully stress you out. either that or she's an idiot. it's reasonable to want to know the destination of some place before camping or meeting up so she's being weird as fuck for that
Anonymous 109377
I hate being so fucking ugly oh my god. I hate everyone and every single thing. I try so hard to understand myself, to not pay attention to the taunts of boys, to live like a normal girl. Everything makes me insecure, my friends can joke around with me but the biggest joke is my face, so I can’t even join them because that’s the first thing they’ll point out. I hate being Latina yet I can’t adhere to my own culture’s beauty standards. I am short and a little chubby, but that’s not the worst part. My face looks like a baby’s and not in the cute way— the underdeveloped way. I WANNA KMSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS I AM SO HYPER SEXUAL AND REPRESSED and I can’t even fantasize about nice and comfy situations because I know it will never happen with any guy. I keep having rape fantasies because that’s the only way I will ever get physical contact (if a bag is put over my head). Violent and masochist images form in my head so much, I don’t feel like a proper girl. I am deeply and forever broken. I just want to cuddle with someone.
Anonymous 109379
Im so tired of being around people. Everyone is obsessed with sex, they cant even joke without making it sex related. Boring gross people.
Anonymous 109383
i think it's unrealistic for me to find love. i've liked guys over the internet but i'm done with that and i have no way of meeting men irl due to multiple factors (personal issues, don't go out much, weird) i'm picky too which makes it even more difficult. i'm used to being alone so it's not like i'm moping around all the time but sometimes i just wonder if there's something wrong with me. sometimes i just wish i could be loved but i don't have much to offer. i'm a loser. it seems this is how my life will always be. i can't talk about this to normies because they don't understand. they say things like "no one will love you if you don't love yourself" "you don't need a man" etc well how come most girls don't have to overcome hurdles like this, they have guys liking them and hitting on them their whole lives ever since they were in school, no matter how they feel about themselves at a given time. i guess some of us are just unlucky.
Anonymous 109397
>>109379I feel you sister. I've felt for about 20 years now that I am completely alien on this fucking planet. Yes, everyone has a biological proclivity toward sex, but everyone else is utterly obsessed with it every minute of every day.
I have an extremely hard time relating to 'normal' people
Anonymous 109398
I spent an hour mending a tear, and I messed up the finishing knot.
Anonymous 109412
I am socially behind at my age because throughout my life I was always too anxious to interact with anyone.
I started to get out of my shell bit by bit during the last few months, but it sucks being reminded that there are younger people much more accomplished than you are. They're better at advocating their points, better at charming other (important) people, better at organizing others, and the list could go on but these are the important ones.
Of course, I cope with the idea that if you realize how flawed you are you're halfway done with solving them.
Still, none of that cope is going to bring these years back. I can only imagine what I could've accomplished if it weren't for my issues.
I'm mostly wondering if anyone is in a similar position right now. Would be interesting to see another perspective.
Anonymous 109416
im drunk
sometimes i wonder what im doing with my life. how much of it ive wasted on the internet. i miss my old school friends. i wish i never stopped talking to them
i am probably going to become a hermit at this rate. ive made my soul so ugly i think maybe i would be doing society a favor anyways. when youve been hurt so much you debase yourself to understand but its really not worth it in the end
Anonymous 109418
>>109412This is exactly how I feel! I suffered with PTSD induced social anxiety disorder and I feel like I've wasted my youth. I have trust issues with people and have a hard time connecting with them. I always keep them at arm's length.
Anonymous 109427
asukadisgusting.jp…
i think he might be secretely a degenerate.inb4 not a pedo thank god
either he hides it from me because he is trying to change or he is pretenting to be normal to get with me. i don't know what to do i have no one else to talk to about it
Anonymous 109438
I've been chronically ill for years and lately I've been trying to get back into working out to try to feel a bit healthier. It's incredibly demoralizing to come to terms with how weak I am, especially in comparison with everyone around me. My friends are all active and I can't even do a bodyweight squat. My bf told me he's never met a single person who couldn't do a squat, and my brother said he didn't understand how I physically couldn't do one either. It's so frustrating that I want to give up, I just feel like I shouldn't even bother to be fit if I'm this far behind already.
Anonymous 109444
>>109438Keep at it!
I want to give you some advice, from someone who used to be weak (and morbidly obese):
You have your own circumstances and so does everyone else. The only person you should strive to be better than is yourself.
Use whatever help you can to make things easier for yourself, like resistance bands or chairs and stools and gradually work your way to going deeper.
Oh, and let it take time if you need to. It took me nearly ten years to get my weight and habits under control. Who cares as long as you're getting better when the alternative is standing still or regressing?
Anonymous 109447
I want to ask for a job, but I have too much social anxiety to do it.
Anonymous 109448
It's so disgusting seeing my mother slaving around my brothers
Anonymous 109457
2a0632eea2de8f9d1a…
I feel cripplingly lonely all the time I can't make friends because everyone in college is in already pre established friend groups and I feel like I'm annoying the girls of my class by making small talk with them and I hate that I feel so romantically lonely as well, I really want a boyfriend but I've been too pinkpilled by both my real life experiences with men (catcalled and sexualized all my middle school and highschool years by grown men in the streets, mentally and physically abusive NPD father) couple that with constant doomscrolling here and on rad fem Twitter.
I go months and months being disgusted by the existence of moids and everything about them until a wave of particularly sharp loneliness overtakes me and I resort to emotionally whoring myself online, posting my discord on /r9k and Twitter and talking to men who would probably find me ugly irl too and whom I grow to despise after a few days. Again, after the momentary loneliness and yearning for affection is sated I go back to months of emotional repression and hatred.
And it isn't even like they give me affection, more like crumbs of attention
Anonymous 109458
1655053330651.jpg
>>109457you are obviously not alone i have top get off the feels board and change. hope things work out for you nona DO NOT FALL IN TOO DEEP
Anonymous 109462
img_0813_3-2071651…
I don't know what to do with myself. University makes me miserable, I have no motivation and no dreams. I wish I'd never been born, I'm tired of having to do things just because it's what you have to do. There's nothing I actually want to do.
I envy my relative and my classmate who killed themselves, they knew it's better to be dead than to put up with all this shit.
Also, I'm tired of psychiatrists and psychologists telling me I'll get better. It's been 10 years! They are the ones who are fucking delusional about how great it is to be alive.
Anonymous 109463
>>109462>wasting money on males psychiatrists and meds collauded for males onlyjust drink water and eat vegan
Anonymous 109467
>>109466Yeah fair, I read about it recently but did you think they put effort testing meds for depression in consideration to how hormones fluctuates during periods? using a 50/50 sex ratio for examples? naive lol. Drinking water, eating vegan, tracking how you feel and vitamins you're lacking is the healthiest thing you can do as a female. Dead serious. Life is still shit but at least waste money on things you like.
Anonymous 109468
>>109467Fair point, you shouldn't trust psychiatry wholeheartedly.
But I've been eating vegan diet almost since birth because of my genetic disorder, always drank a lot of water, because I like its taste, controlled my vitamin and minerals intake (again, because of disorder), but still ended up being depressed and schizotypal. Having a better lifestyle can help you, but it cannot cure you completely.
Anonymous 109471
>>109468Shit, well. Blackpill material or something. I wish you all the money nonette. I see nothing worth in life except drowning in different hobbies.
Anonymous 109474
IMG_9476.jpeg
>>108477I'm back on psych meds and have been for months
there is in no way anything organic about the shit I dealt with when criticizing that washed up pasty prick. I will die on the hill that incel jim jacks off to his own google alerts. nobody likes j*m enough to harass people with walls of text defending him. not even me and I'm a former fan. I can attest how dormant and minuscule his "fandom" was back when I was in it, even at the robotnik 2020 height it was a teeny pool of people, and there wasn't much discussion over the girlfriend thing since it was mostly unknown to us or we had our facts wrong based on his media manipulation and our own biases. ergo I say that I doubt there were a lot of delululu fans whod harass someone cross platform. oh and I had some really fucking weird interactions when I was in his fandom with people who seemed not necessarily delusional but just off, and I look back on that with a really creepy lens
and now the bitch is coming back for another Sonic movie no one asked for with what appears to be the beginning of a campaign to astroturf his abuse out of existence again. fuck my life.
you know what? the final stage of grief is acceptance. as in, acceptance that you can't topple the filthy power structure that still upholds this pig unless the institution chooses to do it. so I ask Hollywood to stop being spineless and protecting him already, but it's not my job to do it. I'm tired
Anonymous 109475
>>109344Yeah it’s been a real bad two weeks.
>my car started driving funny so I took it in and two struts need fixed and their gonna charge me $800 to do it. >two days later I go to the doctor and find out I have Covid so I had to miss a week of work>a day after getting Covid my long distance bf had to leave to go back home (he’s a peach)>that same day my mom took all those pills and tried to bite me well she didn’t try she did bit me when I tried to scope them out >early early that morning she stopped breathing because the er didn’t pump her stomach (she’s okay now but she does have to stay at the state institution for like a week) >the day after that my power almost got shut off because when she was on a bender she didn’t pay the bill. So my bf had to send me $800 to make sure the power wasn’t shut off >the day I went back to work after having Covid for a week my abusive step dad was paroled (no one told us) and came to the house to pick up his things. Then went to the ICU to tell my mom how terrible she was. Now I’m terrified I’m gonna go homeless since he’s out and the house is in his name. They aren’t divorced or anything but yeah. Anonymous 109477
>>109475Life is quite literally so bad for me my therapist doesn’t even pull the oh ya know just persevere and everything should be fine act. She’s straight up told me today she was sorry she couldn’t give me a pill to fix everything. She was just baffled
Anonymous 109481
F5rWC18XoAAJ-va.jp…
>>109463I have one of those huge bottles of water, drink 1.5 a day approx. and I'm vegetarian, but I'll consider going vegan. Did you notice any improvement in your mood?
>>109467A mood tracker is a great idea. I do believe my mood gets worse when I take birth control pills.
>>109468How's your experience with mental health treatments? I constantly feel like I'm lying to myself, trying to participate in a fantasy I can see isn't real.
Anonymous 109488
>>109477>>109475On the bright side, the source of your problems is clearly identified.
Anonymous 109492
>>109463>veganWomen need to eat red meat and offal even more than men. Iron, saturated fats, zinc, B vitamins and vitamin A are all important for women's health.
Anonymous 109493
>>109471>>109481I am
>>109468 I am not a shill, but meds actually worked well for me (I've been put on quite strong ones, not prozac or similar shit) I got out of psychotic episode, voices in my head stopped (but so did my imaginary friend, I swear I am over 18, but she's been my only friend since 14), I am no longer suicidal. Meds are definetely making me addicted to them, because I can't sleep well without them (especiall without antipsychotic) and their dosage is slowly growing over time. I think, my psychiatrist will raise it again soon, because I have gotten anotheir weird voice talking with me recently. My psychiatrist is a nice person, she genuinely cares about my (and my friend's) wellbeing and is a good specialist, but I am just lucky to go to her, I know that most of them suck. But pills work only if you have actual problems with brain, like schizo spectrum disorders or bipolar disorder. Also, pharmacoresistance to pills develops really quickly.
I've tried therapy, it helped me in a way, I became a bit more talkative and managed to make two friends in real life, but genuinely, it is just gaslighting yourself into thinking that everything is ok and this world is full of pink ponies and butterflys and no evil ever happens. I am still depressed, paranoid and anxious. I don't like this world, it is vile on many levels, starting from biological one. So many of humanity's problems roots lie in those ancient evolution and sexual selection strategies and I have to somehow throw all of this knowledge out of my head and suddenly became happy and cheerful. After I've learned so much (I know, I sound like a typical schizo with this statement, but I know some deep knowledge which most of ordinary people don't know) it just feels like self-sabotaging.
I try to cope by daydreaming, indulging in hobbies and trying to notice small good details about life, but honestly, it feels like walking near battlefield and collecting flowers while ignoring obvious piles of dead soldiers.
Worst thing about my mental health is that it is connected with my gut help. Even after I chugged liters of water and ate fuckton of fruits and vegetables I still can't shit ;_; Anonymous 109494
I used to consider myself a hopeless romantic (in a way that applies to both friendships and relationships) but everyone I meet nowadays is so fucking boring and goalless. You are lucky nowadays to find a person with at least 1 cool interest that isn't some "current events" abstraction or muh vidya gayme or muh tv show. I hate how they expect me to watch their dull shitcoms or play their "totally unique!!" fps games. I don't even care if someone's interests are different than mine if it actually harbored a bit of soul
Anonymous 109499
>>109492Then just eat more vegs that has all of that without eating a dead animal, having bacterias all over your kitchen and unhealthy fats your body can't digest. There's this show on Netflix that shows it well "You are what you eat: a twin experiment"
Anonymous 109504
>>109499I'm with you nona, but you can't expect your argument relying on a Netflix production to be taken seriously.
Anonymous 109507
the majority of men are just bad
maybe 1-5 percent of them are not, but the rest are violent npcs who cause global conflict and derisiveness. women would not be mentally ill and depressed if their male counterpart stopped being so traumatizingly aggressive for no reason. i hate "masculine" men, who arent even masculine most of the time, just annoyingly animalistic, i dont care
Anonymous 109508
This week has been really hard on me. If if it wasn't something at work it was something at home. It seems like everyone is sick of my crippling self doubt and paralyzing anxiety, my boss, my bf, even me. I don't know what to do anymore. It's gotten so bad I don't even know how to interact with the people around me. I'm just trying so hard, yet multiple people around me have expressed their disappointment in me for one reason or another and I can't take it anymore. How am I supposed to get better?
Anonymous 109512
>>109499but veggies don't "have all of that". our guts have evolved to digest meat, it's not 'unhealthy' for us unless it's processed or full of antibiotics etc. also documentaries are literal propaganda, that's their whole point + dietary "science" is almost always bullshit, follow the money.
Anonymous 109535
It's so cruel that health anxiety can manifest the same symptoms it's about. I'm not in great fitness and my doctor gives me dramatic warnings about it so I can't even be sure that it's just my imagination.
Anonymous 109541
>>109343>>109475>>109522Covid and the car, that's just life. Everything else is the consequences of your mother's actions (her attempting suicide, her attacking you, her not paying the bills, her leaving you to deal with a bad man she put in her bed).
I don't know how old you are, but I'd suspect running for the hills would solve most of it. Emancipation? Finding a job and roommates? Telling a friend and their decent family what is going on in your life so they can offer shelter, or at least advice? Calling that far away friend/family, and telling them: "Can I come? I need a new life, lend me your couch for two months."
In any case, (if you can, and I hope you can) you shouldn't stay in this terrible situation that has been engineered by your mother, especially as she checks out and leaves you to deal with the consequences.
This looks like one of those times when you need to save yourself first.
Anonymous 109544
>>109543They think they're o' so great with their stupid mobile homes.
Anonymous 109546
What the fuck was that, that was even dumber than usual. Learn to shut up.
Anonymous 109549
Here's a random thought I had.
Can anyone think of a way of gatekeeping regressive (actually regressive, particularly for women's rights, not meaning conservative or other political alignment) people from a community?
People think of feminism as this force that is destroying cultures, when I see it as women gatekeeping violent and abusive men from taking advantage of a community. Some people are skeptical of feminism, and I suppose that is natural, but the ones who are particularly against women's rights also tend to bring regressive ideologies with them. The more female equality is valued in a country, the less likely it is to breed narcissistic men who only care about being more powerful than others in lieu of progressing their community.
I'm not even sure if any of this makes sense. Can anyone think of any more social mechanisms similar to what I'm thinking of, or am I just manic and babbling?
Anonymous 109551
>>109549on second thought i am probably just manic.
Anonymous 109552
>>109535it seems there is a lot of "health anxiety" in first world countries, particularly around the modern diet and the high rates of obesity.
in my opinion, there is not enough community around making high quality foods accessible/more local and making our cities better for our health. people are touchy about the types of food that they eat and so we avoid intellectualizing it. (not that that was what you were talking about specifically, but i just thought of it when you mentioned health anxiety.) of course it varies from country to country, state to state, etc.
healthiness should bring about community instead of causing anxiety.
Anonymous 109555
>>109154As a fellow med student I can guarantee you that >60% of people in medschool are gaslighters, manipulators and extremely insecure. You will find out on your own soon enough
Anonymous 109557
>>109555not that anon but I am applying to medical school this year, I'm afraid even though it's really what I want to do. how do I survive that competitive atmosphere
Anonymous 109560
desu demure.png
Just why are all imageboards supposed to be hatred fueled? I keep saying to myself "this time I'll drop imageboards for good" but then time and time again I keep going to these pits that only harm me.
I can't put the "friends" excuse because most of the time I just ditch people that get into my life.
Anonymous 109562
IMG_8398.jpeg
>>109560The internet fuels a lot of our negativity and allows us to shed our skins we usually wouldn't in a public facing setting. Anonymity provides us the tools to be negative and we stew in it surrounded by the negativity of others.
I'm guilty of this myself and want to kick the IB habit, and because of my social isolation I have virtually no IRL friends left. I wanna join a local dbt group but I can't seem to find any that are women only. Fucking sucks
Anonymous 109568
people point out that i work hard a lot. i know i'll be successful. but all this started after a heartbreak. even before then, i already felt that i had something to prove to other people, by whom i felt entirely hated and rejected. i'm worried that my aspirations are just vengeful and that when i reach where i'm headed i will be the same person, feeling the same things.
Anonymous 109570
IMG_4077.jpeg
Not really a vent more of a sad post idk
But seeing all the pictures of Taylor swift and her friends at the superbowl just makes me wish I had friends:/
Anonymous 109571
240650053_38706757…
I've recently started to work and it's consuming my whole thought process to the point I end up waking up in the middle of the night at like 4 in the morning and unable to fall asleep again. I keep thinking about how I can't trust people, I keep thinking about how my boss is a narcissist psychopath, and I just keep thinking about constantly failing, being incompetent and making some critical mistake at work that'll make people get mad at me.
Anonymous 109573
I'm getting tired of telling my ugly fatcel brother that one day he'll get a girl because he's still stuck on being a weirdo after several years but I do want to see him happy and maybe make me an aunt some day
Anonymous 109576
>>109572
Honestly they are but it’s also so cute
Anonymous 109591
1707868732113664.p…
thinking a lot about high school recently.. when i was in 11th grade there was a pair of best friends in the year above me who both liked me. one was this blonde skater artsy guy and the other was this tall really shy halfjapanese guy…at the time looking at them i was thinking omg tamaki and kuoya irl lmao…
and my school did this thing where u could sign up to send someone at the school a note and some candy in first period on valentines day and it was a big deal lots of people used it to ask people out. on valentines day in first period i got a note from both of the guys. i felt like gods gift 2 earth that day lol. i liked both of them but i had been undecided who i liked more and ended up picking the skater guy basically because i was enamoured with any1 "alt" .. which was a huge mistake he sucked to date! we were both so awkward talking alone and he dumped me after like a month.
we al lwent to the same college and i dated the skater guy again for two months when i was first year but lost touch with his friend aftr high school. eventually i ran into the half japanese guy again in third year like a month before the end of the 2nd semester and we went on a couple dates and i was obsessed with him. by far the most ive been obsessed w any guy ive seen or crushed on my adult life. but when the semester ended and a month passed he moved across the country for a job and we hadnt been like an offcia;l couple or whatever and it had been a month so there wasnt really like any idea that we would go long distance
i regret not picking him over his friend in high school so much!! college sucked cause i lost two years i nthe middle cause of covid bs and now im a neet and i never meet anybody bruh i wish my life was fun like it was then.. im in spain but the s is silent..
Anonymous 109593
I went to get my bangs trimmed and the lady asked if I was doing anything for Valentine’s Day. I said no not really my bf is out of town (he lives in the uk). This oooooo this women hit me with the “oh Valentine’s Day is overrated anyways”, like I was lying about having a bf.
Anonymous 109597
fuck this society. if I make comments I'm annoying, and when my comment from last time was actually useful they attribute it right away to a male FUCK YOU ALL
Anonymous 109645
I'm used to spinelessness from my friend who's been religiously brainwashed from birth to obey and submit to men, but from my fucking mother?! There are situations where politeness is not due. She is being oh so courteous to this exhibitionist old dude who harrasses her with long and explicit descriptions of himself masturbating, instead of telling him kindly to go fuck off.
So many women think they have to just accept that sort of thing.
Anonymous 109674
i hate my stupid fucking boyfriend so much sometimes. he can be so wonderful and sweet and then simultaneously the most self centered stupid incompetent person to ever walk gods green earth
Anonymous 109714
Rich normie women are the worst. The tifs and incels were right.
Anonymous 109720
>>109571If your boss is a moid or moid brained like some women beccome when they are in power he will see you as faulty anyway no matter what you are doing as you can get pregnant. I was told this into my face and I was too timid to jump into this assholes face back then but after I stomached this it made me think. If men see me as faulty for no reason at all other than being a woman then it doesn't really matter what I do and so I stopped caring about making mistakes alltogether. Just fuck them scrotes
Anonymous 109722
ah yeah, this is why I stopped going into fandom spaces. I was proud of something then I ended comparing myself to the first fan art shared and now I realise mine it's just pure garbage. gdi
Anonymous 109724
This girl who decided to invade radfem spaces to talk about her Nigel under every single post and spread the idea of perfect hetero romance also cried about him multiple times and based on what she overshares, he's watching Andrew Tate, only meet up with her for sex etc. Like she spent over half a year bragging about him everywhere anonymously online to own the incels and be like "women deserve better, my boyfriend is not like y'all, seethe and cope!" But anytime her bf pissed her off she pretended to be bisexual and suddenly acted like she wants a gf however when they almost broke up she immediately started talking about wanting to meet a new moid lol?
Nigel havers are so insufferable they just spread delusions. Istg Nigel havers are the same as non Nigel havers but just delusional
Anonymous 109726
My father and stepmother decided to have a talk to me, inquiring about my lack of taste in fashion.
It revolved around how I'm already too old to not care about It, I get that appearance is important in your daily life to be taken seriously tho.
They didn't say it in a explicit way, but I felt a little bit pathologized, as if having no desire to dress well = low self esteem; abnormal behavior, which isn't the case for me.
Anonymous 109727
How many nonas does it take to have some wishful thinking succeeding? I just want him drop dead already
Anonymous 109793
Brother is still passively suicidal. He fucking drains me. He fucking drains my parents. I feel frustrated because if i were his older brother i would probably be unapologetically violent with him. But now im regurgitating platitudes that drain me of my will to live every day. I sound infinitely trite and unserious, but i keep playing life coach to everyone in our family now that we’ve collectively decided to become the loony bunch. I hate this because i remember myself 4 years ago and how i relished in professing my wish to kill myself to whomever would listen. What a stupid dumb fucking whore of a person i was. Fuck you. Suicidal “”””people”””” are cowardly and self centered, but those are the least of their flaws compared to their sheer ineptitude. Your misery is a cesspit constantly spewing feces and toxins on the people around you. Suffer in silence like the rest of us. Oh you don’t have a reason to live? Fuck. You. You don’t exist in a vacuum. Fuck you and your irresponsibility. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU.
The truth is that most people with that urge are probably partly right. They’re disappointed with something or they’re suffering and they want a practical end to it. But where their sufferIng ends the suffering of others begin. It’s a simple matter of maximizing individual suffering versus minimizing collective suffering.
Anonymous 109795
>>109571Pop a xannie the fuck. The profits from your labour go to unnamed billionaire shareholder’s lanky, brown haired, twig ass son’s trustfund. Stay woke.
Anonymous 109799
>be me
>sheltered middle class academically oriented kid
>personality of a wet paper towel bc of domineering overbearing parental influence
>first exposure to the real world in college
>extremely insecure, extremely anxious, extremely executively defunct, extreme underachievement, extreme humiliation, extremely depressed
>tweak at 20 and pull ye olde handful of pills charade
>attention whoring stunt exposes me as a charlatan to parents
>didnt live up to their high expectations
>effectively pissed away own potential
>finally get the mental health check ive been clamoring for since the start of the tweak
>get prescribed a light dose of escitalopram and diet benzodiazepines
>literally babby’s first chemical script
>zone out for the next 3 years
>continue to underperform but without the neurochemical fortitude to stress about it(and therefore fix it)
>taper off on my own bc retarded doctor keeps ignoring my expressed desire to go off the meds
>kinda ok
>regain spark after 2 years off meds
>feel like younger self again
>tge realization that i sabotaged and wasted my formative late teens/early 20s finally sets in
>regret.jpg
>depression.png
>incremental_acceptance.webmp
Idk. What a journey. I still can’t let go of the nagging feeling that i could have amounted to something much better than what i am. But the truth is, one’s capacity to perform and excel isn’t exclusive to smarts/wits/aptitude. It is also about mental resilience, which I had thought i had, but manifestly i was short on that. I wish id reached this conclusion sooner, but i can’t help but think this is one of those nuggets of wisdom thats only effective when you uncover it on your own and that it stems/reinforced from life experience and maturity.
Anonymous 109813
>>109808
more than god mode, lately I've been comparing moids to kids with a knife running around. everyone is on edge, they're violent with no emotional regulation and get to do what they want with everyone still coddling them up
Anonymous 109820
>>109736
Best case scenario is my other brother goes crazy and kills him. One is dead and the other in jail. But I'm fine with an actual successful car accident or a deadly cancer with all the smoking he does. Damn why are the worst kind of men surviving shit and so hard to die, life is so unfair.
Anonymous 109825
>>109807
>Or you will have nothing
No you won't
You'll have self respect and dignity
No wonder they treat you like a pet cock sucker
If you act like one they'll treat you like one
You want to talk about men do this men do that, take a page from them maybe and when someone treats you like shit cut them off
Anonymous 109829
>>109807
>don't tolerate disrespect and just straight up cut you off when you disrespect them
this is something you could do too if you like having self respect
Anonymous 109832
I have to end a toxic friendship and i've been paralyzed by longing, literally all i've done in the past few days is listen to music and scroll through advice in my dorm. I have to see her tomorrow in class and i'm thinking of cutting her off then for good but i'm so fucking scared. I wish she could just have been a better friend. Nonas what should I do?
Anonymous 109852
i hate how the narrative that females are inherently manipulative effects literal toddlers. if a boy toddler cries it must be because he's hurt, because boys never cry; boys shouldn't cry, so why would he cry unless he's actually hurt? if a girl cries, it's because she's manipulative. a literal toddler is manipulating her parents by pretending to cry. motherfuckers.
Anonymous 109889
Disgusting faced boomers shitting on a girl because "she lacks elegance and class" are the most soulless, putrid, "human" beings ever.
Anonymous 109893
IMG_8836.jpeg
>>109474Hey nonas I am having some really pressing health issues. I do fear before I can see a GP (I don't preexisting and nobody can fit me as new patient till March) I'll end up severely hospitalized or dead. I went to the ER, my issues were trivialized and now I'm thousands in the hole. The problems seemingly disappeared and they resurged. As of the last few days I'm chronically fatigued and can barely function.
You know, I don't want to believe in curses. But it's like I'm doomed. Like someone cursed me. Every time I try and better my life I'm dealt a loser's hand. It's not funny anymore. I was trying to move on, despite me still occasionally blabbing about j*m, I was.
Went back on meds, improved my lifestyle, diet, exercise, in therapy, working through what happened, establishing better coping mechanisms, was going to start job searching, rekindle the friendships I'd neglected. I was doing better till the last few weeks hit me. You wanna live and then your body responds "not today bitch".
Fuck all this.
Anonymous 109899
Muh therapist wants me to feel feelings or some bullshit. Im perpetually sad what do you want ne to feel more for fuck’s sake.
Anonymous 109902
i wish i didn't have to defend myself from rumors. i can be defensive as it is because of anxiety sometimes making me overthink if i did something wrong but now i've been going over my memories just to reassure myself of what really happened and that i handled it properly. sucks sharing some tmi as proof but what can you do.
Anonymous 109903
Got this sick realisation that yes, women have generational trauma like dogs, so it shouldn't be a fun meme that girls overdiagnosise themselves with autism because it is still true that they all have crippling anxiety. And on the other side girls are dick sucker braindead. Before the world ends women will be no better than dogs.
Feminism history feels like putting cushions in our slave status, and there's always been so much backslash about it anyway. What a shitty timeline.
Anonymous 109904
>>109903Where do you people get this shit? Were you raised by sopping wet rags?
Anonymous 109905
1708024412677186.j…
>>109903>generational trauma like dogswhat is this again
Anonymous 109906
burned my fucking pancakes to a crisp. life is pain
Anonymous 109911
Just got kicked from a rf/gc telegram chat bc they decided I was a moid. I did everything, voice, video, pics, video of my hands. I look nothing like a moid, but I have "male interests" like tech, working out, vidya. And I'm in a male dominated field (tech). I'm ass burgered, so I'm stupid as fuck with social intelligence, idgi at all. But I also knit, crochet, spin and dye yarn. I garden, I foster kittens, I have penpals. I'm also, ya know, literally a woman. I don't know what else to say or do! Like, that's just it! I am XX natal woman, natural born womyn, whatever! I am literally female! What do I need to post? My fucking mooncup? GOD
Anonymous 109913
>>109911How’d you get into that space in the first place. Dying to find some like minded women to talk to.
Anonymous 109914
>>109911they probably didn't like you so they half-assed that excuse
Anonymous 109916
>>109914Fair, would have prefered to just be told I'm disliked rather than be called a scrote.
>>109913I was in a discord that got nuked so we moved to telegram. Before that, radblr
Anonymous 109918
Decentring men also means not seething about them, but nobody’s ready for that take.
Anyways, i consider it a triumph for feminism that most old crones in my country are now pissing shitting crying themselves because they didn’t birth more daughters. Sometimes i worry what i might do to my eldest son when i have him. In gonna have him first because second born sons are insecure and the world isn’t in need of more insecure moids whose complexes were rooted in a home where they simply underachieved compared to their amazing elder sisters. My aunt has three boys. Poor woman. After the echo with her third she wouldn’t stop crying about it. Littlest fucker is probably on the spectrum. Then again all kids born after 2010 are on some variation of a spectrum. It’s those nefarious little devices. The bugger is barely sentient and he knows how to click not interested on tiktok, jfc. Can’t blame his mother. My uncle is a neurotic wax figurine on the verge of a meltdown. He won’t even let his eldest kid cross the street after 7pm. Idk but that kind of smothering is very motherly. There’s a species of mental illness circling around in mom’s family. Only they won’t admit it. Mental illness is giving it too much credit. An intensity of personality is more apt. Not a single person is relaxed in that family. Even my quietest uncle goes from 0 to 9000 in a split second. He likes animals better than people.
Anonymous 109919
>>109918Ummm how about just not having sons tho?
Anonymous 109920
>>109919She speaks abouts decentring men when she's fucking one, but I guess she's not ready for that take uh.
Anonymous 109921
>>109920Girls like her makes me seethe 10 times worse about men because EVERYONE is sucking their dicks, even the so called NLOG blackpilled and feminist girlies
Anonymous 109922
Nothing to complain if I never cut myself or had panic attacks… guess I was the one wallowing in self pity…
Anonymous 109923
>>109921I'm one year dick-sucking-free. Please applaud
Anonymous 109925
freaky.jpg
>>109921am i a bad feminist if i want to suck one Anonymous 109929
>>109925ew. a man's beard has 4 times more bacteria than a dog that goes outside. do you still want to suck dicks that's even worse and never properly washed? EW
Anonymous 109930
>>109929beards are gross i agree moids must shave
i wouldn't suck an unwashed dick Anonymous 109932
>>109927
My translation:
>I realized that women and dogs have generational trauma.
>The meme that girls over diagnose themselves with autism isn’t funny.
>They all have crippling anxiety instead (?).
>other women are brain dead over men, so before the world ends, women will be no better than dogs.
>Feminism history feels like total cope, like we’re barely making a dent, but people complain it’s gone too far anyway.
>What a shitty timeline (most coherent statement)
So not that bad, I guess. But dogs have generational trauma? They don't even remember what time the post comes every day.
Anonymous 109933
>>107281So so exhausted of half-naked bitches being shoved down my throat everywhere
Anonymous 109936
>>109920At first i was confused because i thought what about my stream of consciousness sounded scrotish, but apparently you think im getting fucked (or was ever fucked) by a moid? Is that the gist of it?
lol, lmao even. Always astounding that the only universally comprehensible, unmisinterpretable, ranties on imageboards are about “ah bloo bloo me sad me wanna die so bad.”
Anonymous 109937
Today on r/BPD
Someone is seething because their husband loves their daughter more than he loves her.
Oh my God. Oh my fucking God. Oh my God.
Serves me right. I identify with some aspects of certain posts, but the complete lack of a moral compass? The fucking, the fucking comparison to an infant CHILD. A CHILD YOU GAVE BIRTH TO INSTEAD OF ABORTING WHEN YOU FOUND OUT IT WOULD BE A GIRL AND NOT A BOY LIKE YOU STATED IN YOUR POST.
I don’t even know why I’m angry. I don’t even know why I’m brewing with anger, about some fucking stranger on the internet professing that they’re triggered by their infant daughter and the affection her father heaps on her. A defenseless baby. I’m the dumb fucking cunt for never really registering that these people actually exist and thinking they’re just caricatures. Fucking fuck
Anonymous 109941
>still unemployed 3 years after graduating
>never even got an entry level job or internship
>have to constantly read online now that entry level jobs are extremely scarce in my field and "everyone was getting jobs" 2020-2021 even though all i saw then were a shit ton of internships being canceled >even though i was applying to entry level jobs back then i never got shit
>slowly coming to terms that i will likely end this year also unemployed or working as something crappy like an office assistant because I can't do anything else
I don't know what I expected in my 20s but it wasn't this miserable reality
Anonymous 109942
>>109938
I don’t know why im angry either. Maybe at myself for not appreciating how good i have it with my parents. Obviously people like that exist, i mean how else do so many people walk out on their families with no warning. I can emphasize with the parents on r/parenting crying about how hard and draining being a parent is, but in this specific instance? God. What a vile person.
Anonymous 109943
>>109932You didn't translate anything, you just reformulated.
>>109936wat
>>109937She >>109938 is right, this is just a rage dispenser.
>>109941It gets better.
Anonymous 109944
i want my father to die
Anonymous 109945
>>109918Lmao its easy to not date men when you're not feminine or submissive or a blowjob giving pig, female sexual behavior is gross and sex basically only serves men so what's the point if you're not servile however it's sad how nature made the female biology to serve others like children and men but not us, I hate these biological gender roles. I wish there was a space for women like me but so far I only took damages from being gaslighted and demonized and being critical of sex men and women too.
Anonymous 109946
>>109937She can't acknowledge that "loving her" means helping her around the house and having basic respect when she talks, so it's easier to blame a girl and him being cute to her. The "resentment" to her, aka just a mother being stressed out she has to do everything, will affect the daughter and she will complain about her evil mother (that spends money and time for her) while praising the useless father lying around just because "he was nice and played with her"
Anonymous 109947
I went on a date with this guy and he was creepy and was kissing me without my consent etc etc… i reached out to him 2 months later because im lonely and needed some loving and was pretty rude in the way i talked to him i guess and he agreed but he woke up and blocked me the next day? Wtf… my heart hurts bro but i deserve that tbh… i really was excited to see him again. Im gonna throw up
Anonymous 109948
>>109947He probably deserved that too tbh
Anonymous 109950
>>109948Im literally in shock wtf why would he block me
Anonymous 109952
>>109950You ghost him because of his gross behaviour. He ghosts you because he doesn't want to be used. Not rocket science
Anonymous 109953
>>109943Oh mb
Obtive essa terrível realização de que sim, as mulheres têm traumas geracionais como os cães, então não deveria ser um meme divertido que as meninas se diagnostiquem em excesso com autismo, pois ainda é verdade que todas têm uma ansiedade debilitante. E do outro lado, as meninas são cérebros mortos que chupam paus. Antes que o mundo acabe, as mulheres não serão melhores do que os cães.
A história do feminismo parece como colocar almofadas em nosso status de escravas, e sempre houve tanto retrocesso sobre isso de qualquer maneira. Que linha do tempo horrível.
There, hope that helps more.
Anonymous 109958
>>109950Yeah, clearly, you deserve each other.
Anonymous 109959
>>109958We deserve each other but im very much blocked kek
Anonymous 109964
depressed-hello-ki…
At first I couldn't pinpoint how he was making me feel pathetic and unworthy, but then it dawned on me that his promiscious past bothers me a lot. His descriptions of how much and in what versatile ways he fucked made me, someone who didn't even hold hands before meeting him, think that I'm a huge loser. And i just let myself think that way for too long. There was nothing wrong about me being a quiet virgin, and the fact I felt obliged to change that for him makes me fucking sick to my stomach. He didn't pressure me into much, but I regret what I did do. I wish I had said no. I wish I had said it the moment he mentioned sex, which was actually during our first conversation, fucking coomer. I should have preserved my dignity and left. I should not have handed my v-card to a fucking whore who didn't appreciate it at all. Who only thinks of me as an inferior to the other whores that he dated or had one-night stands with. And the worst thing? I probably won't be the one who will initiate the upcoming breakup. I'll keep letting him treat me like good-for-nothing garbage because there's no one better to date, and I forgot how to live life as a single. I know it would be for the better to set myself free, but for some reason I can't.
Anonymous 109965
Also unironically literally shaking rn. I'm a joke.
Anonymous 109967
>>109966I know, I agree. I just wish I hadn't discarded it with someone who looks down on me for being bad at fucking.
Anonymous 109968
>>109966This graffiti is a load of shit. The idea that there's nothing detrimental to having sex with disgusting moids is an idea made by disgusting moids to convice women to have sex with them.
Anonymous 109970
>>109967Break up with him ASAP an never be in touch with him again.
You deserve better.
Anonymous 109972
>>109968What the fuck are you talking about. That's not what the graffiti is saying.
Anonymous 109973
>>109964there is something wrong about being a shy virgin. being shy is neither cute nor a vibe, it shows you are stunted and unable to stand up for yourself
Anonymous 109974
>>109966It literally is tho, which is why rape is so traumatic.
"Sex means nothing" is giga cope. Theres a reason pornstars kill themselves so much when they aren't lucky to find some retard to marry them.
Anonymous 109976
>>109974Let me guess, you think that having had sex decreases a woman's quality, yet it's perfectly fine for a man to be a whore. Correct?
Anonymous 109978
>>109976it doesnt decrease a woman's "Quality" as if she was an object, but men are pigs and awful. It devaluates her well being and inner sense of beauty. A woman that has tons of sex with men is highly likely to find her sexuality gratifying (for being objectified and taken by pigs). the one exepction to this would be a woman in a fictitious hypotethetical setting that has managed to have sex with tons of guys that aren't awful. (98% of men are awful at most points during their lives)
Anonymous 109979
>>109976nta but having sex decreases a man's quality
Anonymous 109981
>>109972>the concept of virginity was created by menSo it's impossible for a woman to truly value her own virginity, or virginity in men?
>their penises were so important it changes who a woman isThe opposite, "Sex is nothing", is moid propaganda so they can easier have one night stands.
Anonymous 109983
>>109974"Sex means nothing" is not what it's saying. Sex is meaningful to most women because they are allowing men to be in and touch their bodies. I understand the OP is upset because they wished they had experienced this with another person. But the OP also touched on the "discard/loss" of their V-card, which is when the graffiti comes to play, because to my understanding, the graffiti states that the idea you lost something by having sex for the first time is made up. Even when the hymen "breaking" = virginity loss argument is brought up, sometimes the hymen doesn't break during sex at all so what are you then? a non-virgin by penetration but a virgin by hymen? Idk, maybe I am hella dumb for that.
Anonymous 109984
>>109983>the graffiti states that the idea you lost something by having sex for the first time is made up>is made up>made up>made upOr in other words, it's nothing, nothing real. But sex is not nothing, despite what slutty moids want you to think.
>But the OP also touched on the "discard/loss" of their V-cardShe's just using a cliché. If you had sex with a disgusting moid, you would regret it too, no doubt.
Anonymous 109987
>>109984I've already said why sex is not nothing. Allowing somebody inside you, trusting somebody, is not "nothing".
Anonymous 109988
>>109984The idea you lost anything as for example value or a "card" by having sex for the first time is what I said is nothing and made up. Sex is real.
Anonymous 109989
1660547848880634.j…
All I ever wanted in life was a friend and people to stick around with. I'm so tired of being s complete hermit and getting no one to even share some words with.
Anonymous 109992
582f33b5c1dfbc66a7…
You wouldn't end the relationship of a lifetime and slide into something with someone you suffered over for 4+ years, would you? Wouldn't that be stupid?
Expecting something different, or maybe longing for the comfort of the lower expectations. I feel like I can be a truer self. And the dopamine and oxytocin from finally getting to do these things with him is intoxicating.
I've definitely made countless posts about him. He'd haunt me eternally if I didn't do this.
But my future is ruined. At least a future in which I pretend to be the person I wish I could be, and grow old with someone "just like me." I don't think I ever wanted that in the first place. I was raised for social independence and selfishness. It's my fault for trying to force myself into a pattern of behaviour.
I, too, just want to spend unlabelled time with someone I like to have around. I'm not made for pressure and expectations, I get enough of that from work. Maybe I'm done wishing I was that person and I can accept what I am.
Anonymous 112158
It feels so good realizing you'll be fine on your own
Anonymous 112159
>>109968No longer being a virgin and having loads of unsafe sex are two different things
Anonymous 112161
I am truly, truly alone in this world and have to get it through my head. I have to stop expecting anything from my family. They don't have it.
Anonymous 112218
Trying a new molecule for my acne. Hope it works.
Anonymous 112240
It makes me really sad that I was abused
I don't want to be a victim so I won't whine about it, but I think it's very sad how I did my best to make him happy and it was never enough
Sometimes I'm scared that it might be impossible to have a relationship without one of the two abusing the other
I've been the abuser, I've been abused, it doesn't seem to end
Maybe it's just me who is unlucky
But a good lesson to bear in mind is that even if relationships are doomed, I'll be fine on my own and there is no point revolting against it or ruminating
Anonymous 112378
>get with bf years ago. Now husband
>Explain why I do not want him watching porn and that he should tell me early so we can find partners who are compatible my abusive ex tried forcing me into getting surgery to look like the porn girls he got off to and I cannot be with anyone who watches it now. He made me wear these giant drag queen fake breasts for sex and would hurt me when I was trying to get out of the relationship and avoid the boob surgery consultation appointments he'd made for me. And never liked the idea of watching porn to begin with anyways
>Conversation seemingly goes well and the compromise is that he gets pictures and videos of me since he's "visual". Tbh I was happy with that and was embarrassingly flattered
Fast forward to now and I find out he'd been using porn anyways and lying the entire time, he literally just admits these things he hides from me once he thinks it's been long enough but it's literally months or years later so I was incapable of making choices for myself while he is using freely behind my back and knowing all my issues. My stuff was literally just bonus material to him if even that. He was even asking for a new supply of pictures every little while so here my naive ass was thinking he was actually using them. But no, he used the pics once on average (checked the view stats on drive I'd left them on) and then would only ask for new stuff when he was actually in the mood for me instead of his porn stars. I feel so used, heartbroken, angry, and tbh I think this just shattered the sliver of trust he'd built that he was actually as attracted to me as he claims because for all I know it's equally bullshit (and he blatantly has a favourite body type that isn't mine) and either way he knew exactly what I went through with my ex and he just told me he'd been getting off to porn this whole time anyways and showed the body type to me. The way he said it it was like he'd forgotten why he never talked porn around me before, he just couldn't contain himself to talk about the AI porn he'd made. That he halfway through started claiming "looks so much like me" except it was literally a flashback to before, the images he loved that were "inspired" by me is just a normal porn star body with a brown skin tone. It's the same damn bolt ons my ex tried to force me to get. My tits are quite small, and the pictures he showed me was all massive, circular bolt on tits (I could see of all the options selected he'd anti selected for small or natural boobs…). All the photos he generated were of bolt on boobs and primarily them, basically no full body shots and none of them look a damn thing like me. And I don't mean in a nitpicky way, I mean straight up you could be a face blind autist and tell the bodies are not in the same ballpark. God I feel so pathetic and gross. I've removed his access to the stuff I'd made, I only did it cause I thought he liked it and because he promised it would mean no porn so knowing he prefers nudes from strangers or AI generation over me and doesn't care about my feelings anyways, I'm getting less than nothing from this except pain. It's probably worse knowing he has the option to get off to me or someone else and he chooses them than if he just masturbated to them when I'm not an option. Tbh I don't expect him to even notice I cut off access. I don't know if I want to count the months it takes for him to notice or mention it but I probably won't be able to help it. I cannot believe I married this man. for lots of reasons but this hurts extra right now because I've been here before. At this point I don't think I'm attracted to him anymore so I guess it doesn't matter if he's getting of to other women now, it'll be easier to just let him do his thing and work on myself. Wonder if he sees my passiveness as a success on his part that I'm here still and he can do what he wants and I barely spoke about the porn. Probably so considering I gave him a divorce ultimatum recently and he's not taking it seriously or even made an attempt to change (as he does with my feelings) but I'm sticking with it. I'm staying just until I'm not fucked if I leave and me no longer being on your ass for your bullshit isn't a sign of good things. Also I'm internally going back to my old husbando/waifu harem I felt bad about keeping up with while with him it was self imposed so what's the point? Tbh probably should have stuck with them until I was old enough to know men's tricks and not bothered dating until 30 or just gone full febfem and just dealt with the lack of real bi/lesbian women in my town. I'm too fucking trusting to men and think they think in equality when they fucking do not. It's not even just my husband but me realising all my male friends treat me like I'm beneath them or incapable compared with them one way or another. This is so long but I'm just devastated at the lies and the fact that this was a trust issue and he just bulldozed all over the smidge of trust he'd bothered to create. Cause thinking back he didn't really build up any trust, looking back all he did was hide what I told him would hurt me and he didn't think twice about eliminating that out of his own excitement for fucking AI porn
Anonymous 112379
>>112378I'm so sorry nona. Hope you're stable enough soon to divorce this disgusting coomer faggot.
Anonymous 112392
>>112378I was on your side until you mentioned you're going back to your anime support harem. How are you any different than him in that case? Even so nona I wish you the best. You shouldn't hold out much longer and you should start to get your life under control and ready for divorce. There really are better men out there, it's a shame you married this nasty scrote.
Anonymous 112393
>>112378why did you even stay with him for as long as you did? idk why women do this to themselves as if these men don't show their true colors from the start
Anonymous 112421
>>112378Is it really that hard to find men who don't watch porn?
With my ex we agreed pretty quickly "no porn, no getting off without each other". The relationship lasted two years before he dumped me
Anonymous 112422
>>112421I should add that it was a long distance relationship
Anonymous 112423
I felt tired and hungover all day even though I just had one drink last night. Blegh.
Anonymous 112447
>>112393First few years after my ex I was too fucked up with PTSD so I wasn't really evaluating my current situation, more just living with the guy and "getting support" (he was an angel compared with my ex and I didn't realise how low my standards were) while being too agoraphobic to leave the house and trying to process and get over my problems (helped by COVID giving me a reason to stay inside). I was with my ex for around 7 years so it took a while to have any sense of reality or grounding to what was going on in the now vs ruminating or just being an anxious mess about the past. It was just constant awfulness even after I'd left him. I'd be triggered by anything and everything around me to the point I couldn't even get myself to phone or irl therapy. I'd maybe send out the first message and follow up once before getting hit with terrors and not be able to do anything for a month or longer.
The reason I stayed with the old guy so long was because it took a while to find a way to get out while safe (a couple times I tried to run away he beat and choked me until I was unconscious because he figured out I was leaving) and he did lots of gaslighting and bullshit prior to him first starting to be physical so for the first while of getting harmed I was the stereotypical partner thinking if I was just better my fiance wouldn't get so angry he'd slap me and it didn't really fully go away for a while. Then when I realised it was him that was the problem, unfortunately I realised it in an argument with him so after that he would scare and financially fuck me into staying.
also I discovered he'd gotten away with abuse before and gotten the other girl arrested for defending herself and a couple of times I broke down and banged on his chest. Something my twig arms left no evidence of but I was terrified his knowledge of law and ability to manipulate (plus connection with a lawyer that defended him once already) would absolutely screw me. Speaking of financial fuckery, he made dead sure to put us in massive debt I couldn't hope to pay right before starting the physical abuse. He used my cards and suddenly I was 10k in debt as a student (before I dropped out from depression). Made me throw out half my shit in our move together too when he arrived with the truck. Thinking back there were so many red flags prior, but I didn't recognize them as wrong cause I didn't really know better nor had parents I could turn to about my relationship issues so I just had to trust the guy who had more experience than I did that I was the unreasonable one for xyz issue. Plus he'd use all my issues against me. I have ocd and heavy depression which was easy to manipulate against me because I'd been taught the accomodation for my issues was wrong to ask of someone so any request or anxiety was turned into an OCD claim even if it was not my OCD thoughts but a real issue.
Looking back I should never have gotten engaged and moved in with the guy but hindsight is 20/20 and tbh I had nothing but progressively abusive and toxic relationships from friends to eventually bfs so it almost feels inevitable I'd have gotten with a wife beater because I'd learned to accept worse and worse. My first friendship I noticed was going toxic my parents yelled at me for making things up about such a "nice girl" and made me call her up while I was crying to invite her over and at least once a week they'd make me do it when they realised I was avoiding her. Meanwhile she'd come over and mock me the entire time if she didn't use me as a wall to monologue her bullshit emotional issues at. I can't totally blame them cause I still didn't learn better for myself until later but I can't help but think about those nights forced to be nice with her under threat of punishment when I think of nights with my ex.
Sorry this just turned into another vent. I don't know if it explains things but basically it took a while to be aware of anything going on now or notice that even better did exist. Plus this porn lie was an actual blindside, other stuff in the relationship had gotten to a breaking point now too but I didn't notice and had such low standards to start it took a while for me to get a backbone and bring up stuff to then realise he's a bit of a jackass. And I think he's seen me have so many panic attacks about my ex that he treats all my issues with him too like over emotional reactions now which I didn't realise because he would lie and placate in the moment and those issues usually didn't come up again cause he'd hide things better and I wasn't really in a state to go looking
>>112379Thanks Nona, I am just to going keep working on improving myself up until I can make it on my own. My agoraphobia is the worst but actually I think being detached from him might help because I noticed I'd kept up a fear that everything I do has to be with him from my ex, so now I feel a bit more free to take tiny excursions. Once I'm done school and am capable of working and going out to other places I need like the doctors and stores suddenly, I'll be good to go!
I feel like there's still a part of me that wishes he'd snap out of porn and also be emotionally there for me, but tbh that guy just isn't the dude I married even if he claimed otherwise and seemed like he was super emotional at the start. It was just really low expectations. But in all honesty, even though I wish he'd done more, he has paid for me to live while I kind of totally floundered badly through recovery so it's not the absolute worst. He didn't exactly make me a bangmaid and if anything cleans up my depression messes without complaint which I appreciate. I wouldn't feel as safe having panic attacks in my parent's home, and know that I'd get equal if not less emotional support from them. Plus on my own I have no way of making an income in my state so at least if I emotionally detach myself from his actions I am in a pretty good situation now considering. I just need to use it to my advantage and not worry about the relationship since he isn't taking my discussions on the matter seriously anyways so why should I? The burden to fix this isn't on me
Sorry this is so long
Anonymous 112475
>>112423that's unfortunately how drinking works once you get older
Anonymous 112480
I finally came out to my boyfriend that I have people pleasing issues and he is now starting to question if anything I've ever done in the past is real. He's right to question me.
Anonymous 112481
My boyfriend ended things with me because of a stupid communication issue, he was my first, I love him so much, I want him back.
Anonymous 112746
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seriously why do I keep attracting mentally ill people? it's draining me and I'm so tired
(no offense to anyone with mental illnesses though)
