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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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scared of intimacy Anonymous 107544

every time I become close with a man I can never get far with it because the thought of intimacy is so scary to me. Holding hands hasn't even happened for me because I just cant bring myself to do it. It's not like I haven't had the chance, because there's been multiple romantic opportunities in my life. Ive just pushed them all away. Does anyone else struggle with this? If so how can I get over it? I've never had some sort of trauma that could cause this so i'm very confused as to why im like this. Maybe I'll just be kissless and hugless forever.

Anonymous 107545

I've always felt this way around guys I didn't truly have feelings for. When you genuinely like someone (as opposed to just thinking that they're better than most or that it'd make sense for you to like them) you tend to act a bit like a coomer for a bit.

Anonymous 107546


I think I'm just projecting but that sounds like anxious-avoidant attachment style. Read about it.

I don't have any "trauma" but I've been neglected by both my working parents, and my sister bullied me. I'm also a minority. I consider all of these traumatic too, or rather, complex trauma, but I understand that it's different from post-traumatic consequences.

Anonymous 107548

>. Good job. You won't be trusted now.
uh thanks?
>What exactly are you afraid of?
I guess just anytime i've gotten close to anything physical, wether it be a kiss or something I just feel the urge to vomit

Anonymous 107552

Kissing is disgusting. I also think sex and penetrative acts are disgusting.
I'm okay with fondling and non-penetrative sexual acts.

I have contamination OCD.

Anonymous 107554


Nona, it's OCD. Yes, I know, it's stupid. It's the exchange of body fluids that disgust me. I'm KHHV just like OP btw.


I don't know. I think I just understood my parents were just struggling and did what they could. They were forced to work at a young age because of alcoholic parents. My emotional needs weren't met, but they did what they could with the time they had after work. I guess I also didn't experience important events like death of grandparents that can mess a child even more. I don't know how to explain this Turning Red analogy. I wouldn't exactly call it forgiveness, but it's more like I don't let it bother me. I do recognize that it messed me up.

I don't know what to say about your family, or how to cope. It sure sucks that you couldn't get the love that you needed when you were young, and these things are considered "adverse childhood experiences" that can result in permanent changes that continue to affect even as an adult.

>I am thinking, hoping even that the army (when I enlist at last) will fix that.

I don't know it'll fix that, but army sounds really exciting and it could maybe even offer you something better!

Anonymous 107558

But you dont have to change your mind

Anonymous 107561


It's nothing.
Eww is that spit! I really have to drink 2 cups of water and wash my face or else I'm going to die!
Yes, it's KalasHnikova Heckler 500 V.

>Will I reap the consequences of my actions or will I find what I was searching for all this time?

Hope good things happen and you're very cool!

Anonymous 107563



Anonymous 107566

Why y'all replying to moids

Anonymous 107568

Erm no idea who that is. I also don't know who you are I was just joking in >>107563

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