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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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I am Pathetic Anonymous 108437

I am so pathetic it is disgusting to me sometimes. I dont know if I have always been this way, I think I have, but i have such low self esteem, dignity, and worth that I let myself be treated like garbage by everyone I choose to spend my time with. Not only do I stay with someone who refuses to be monogamous, I am realizing that I also voluntarily choose to spend my time with people who I dont even think like me, they just tolerate me, if that. I remember growing up I was so desperate to be liked, i would let people beat me up for fun and sometimes I would be seriously injured or in pain, but i would let them do it until they grew out of it and never told my parents even when they were concerned by my bruises lol. I dont know why make these bad decisions all the way into adulthood. Not wanting advice necessarily, just wanted to get this out.

Anonymous 108443

>i would let people beat me up for fun

That's fucked up. Why did they want to do that anyway?

Anonymous 108444

I’m not even sure other than adolescent aggression and hormones? There’s a chance they were doing the whole “boys who like you will tease you” thing, only ramped up to the next level. But, I don’t even believe that cope anymore and think they just wanted someone to bully and I was a punching bag that was around.

Anonymous 108445

Damn it was boys too huh. There was one girl at my highschool who got bullied by boys as well.

Anonymous 108446

Yeah, in hindsight I realize how messed up it was especially because they were much larger than me, but in the moment I think I was just happy that people who were kind of “cool” or “popular” were talking to me. Blah.

Anonymous 108447


>I dont know why make these bad decisions all the way into adulthood.
I know I'm saying something that's conceptualized by the F guy but this is a classic case of Repetition Compulsion, nona.

When we want to make a decision, we unconsciously consult our past experiences that are burnt in our psyche through strong emotions, and we choose to repeat it. We find comfort in certainty even if past moments brought intense discomfort.

Anonymous 108448

Thank you for putting a term to the behavior. I’ve heard of that before but never related it to myself, but yep. That describes a lot of my life. Fuck.

Anonymous 108452


I think I make it sound grim but this is not something you have to live with forever. You can still change.

I think that the reason why you still find yourself in situations where people treat you like trash is because you attract such people who love to take advantage of that.
If you have low self-esteem, dignity and self-worth, and you display these insecurities outside, knowingly or unknowingly, then this is what people will see as well.
People who don't like those things would stay away, people who are indifferent to it wouldn't care about you, and people who want to fix you [and fail because they can't and they're not qualified for it and eventually leave], or people will take advantage of these traits. They abuse you because you tolerate it and they can get away with it.
So once you start working on these things, and start to display positive traits, then people who admire those traits will be attracted towards you.

Regarding past memories where you were abused or bullied, there are ways to deal with that too. We are made up of our memories, but we can rewrite them by convincing our mind that something different happened. You can imagine that you're traveling to the past and then helping the younger you to fight against the bullies and assure yourself that you're there to protect her, or you can write a letter to her asking her to stay strong. There are other things that you can do.

It'll take time, but in the meanwhile don't get into these shitty relationships and hang around idiots. You're just opening past wounds over and over again if you do that without even letting it to heal.

Anonymous 108465

Great post. (not OP but in a very similar situation down to being bullied by males)
I recently realized how much it was affecting me to hang out with "friends" that subtly denigrated me constantly and used me for narc supply, I was afraid that being alone would be worse and that my social skills would "atrophy" or whatever but the only thing that was doing was conditioning me to take more shit. Way better to just be alone for a while and make friends with yourself.

Anonymous 108481

Thank you so much for this. It’s so nice to hear some empathetic and hopeful advice for a change.

Anonymous 108496

That's how you choose to express the anger that happens to everyone but you turn it onto yourself or you want to be treated like shit to express that life or life as a woman in this context since you mentioned the monogamy thing, makes you feel like a victim. Some women literally want to be beat to express how they feel as a woman in heterosexual relationships to express their position in life

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