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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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antisocial Anonymous 109500

Does anyone else here feel like they hate everyone on the planet, like deep black hate, but you're still really polite and kind to people?

It's so weird, it's like, standing back as a whole, I am so disappointed by people. People in my life and people outside of it in general. But I also really strive to be kind to people, even when they don't deserve it. I get extremely upset if I upset anyone. I can't stand my mom but I run to comfort her when she's upset.

I don't have any friends at all. I have too high of standards and I'm offputting/weird so it's impossible. The people who do meet my standards avoid me like I am outputting some kind of repellent frequency. I seem to only attract grotesque autistic men for 'friends' who only want to talk about themselves, and I have to work to flick them away like a piece of tape stuck to me.

I feel like a fake. If I could isolate myself in a hut forever I would do it. I often just want to disappear. I don't want to die- I love reading and animals and existing, but I hate people. I often feel like I don't belong here. That I'm an alien or something. People don't like me, I don't like them, but I keep trying. I'm almost 30 years old and I have been feeling this way my entire life. It only gets more isolating the older I get.

I feel like I'm stuck as a black rock in a sea of white sand. Not special, just "wrong."

I don't want to hurt anyone, I just want to be left alone forever.

Anonymous 109509

Are you someone that really values social harmony? I often feel the need to downplay my own concerns and wishes for the sake of others in my life to "not cause a fuss"; it's an impulse I've been trying to rein in lately since it's very taxing on my mental health.

What are some of the issues you have with others? Do you feel like you're being taken advantage of, or that other people aren't on your wavelength? I feel a lot of negativity too, but mine's a more generalized feeling of internal dread than misanthropy.

Anonymous 109510

Have you tried living according to your values? (with animals, away from people) You'd probably feel better.

Anonymous 109513

I dream of making a shitton of money so I can buy a home with a lot of land and that I don't ever have to interact with people ever again. I don't vibe with anyone and interacting with people is tiring. I don't feel a connection anyway. Never felt a connection with any one.

Anonymous 109514

same, except instead of dreaming about it, it is the light that pushes me to work hard and make it a reality.

Anonymous 109516

I believe this is the only way to live, at least trying to reach a goal, rather than pointlessly lament.

Anonymous 109520


Yes, I think that probably comes down to a lot of it when you put it like that. I feel very obligated to take everything I can on because I hate it when things go poorly. For example, I used to always be the one to host people when my friends were getting together, because if I didn't do it people's needs wouldn't be met or they wouldn't have as much fun. When I'm with family, I am the first one to get up and go fuss and help my grandma or help clean up when everyone else just sits around.

I think it's a mix of feeling taken advantage of, because I always feel like I'm giving more, while also no one being on my wavelength. I listen intently to people and I can see their eyes glaze over when I talk.


I'm trying- right now I leave the house only to go see my horse or go to the store. I actually interact with people IRL very little- however I HAVE to interact with a lot of people online for work. I have social media accounts I have to manage or I'll starve to death. I know I'm extremely lucky to be able to live the life I do and do it from home, but even that amount of human interaction just lays me out entirely and makes me so cynical sometimes. The only interactions I do have with people at all (online) are extremely forced and fake.

I think I probably live what a lot of people on here would consider a dream life and still sometimes I'm so numb to it all, I just keep waiting to get whisked away to a new dimension or something.

Anonymous 109521

OP adding on to this as well but I just realize I made it sound like I'm a sex worker or an influencer or something- I'm not, it's a creative career. I can see how if I was a camgirl or something that would make my mental situation seem more understandable lol

Anonymous 109547

Have you read Marlen Haushofer's 'The Wall'? It's about a woman living alone with animals. >If I could isolate myself in a hut forever I would do it.
Fun fact: there is currently a (small but) increasing number of people living as religious hermits in Europe. 70% of them are women.

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