>>109603Self hatred is internalized hate. So at some point, someone prominent in your life didn't like you and/or wasn't very nice to you, and you internalized their false views and beliefs about you - and now you do their job for them, and see the same hatred in most relationships and interactions you have.
>how to cope?1 - Work on your self image, your beliefs about yourself: what are they? (take a time to think about it and actually write them down).
2 - Compare them to reality (reflect on the past, observe the present, find examples, ask friends, family for their advice).
3 - Test these false beliefs and make them wrong (put yourself in situations).
If you believe: I'm mean with my friends. First you find examples of it in your life, find examples of the contrary. Which are the more numerous? Ask (proprer, decent, trustable) people around you what do they think. Then, actually be nice, take a note of it and realize the belief is wrong.
Do this for every shitty wrong belief you carry about yourself. It takes time but it's worth it.
Additional tools:
-therapy can be a good crutch and helps not giving up on this long work.
-A diary help you keep tract of events (because if you have false beliefs about yourself, you don't see reality right; the diary helps remaining anchored to reality, vent frustration etc.).
-A change of environment. Can be as simple as a new hobby with new people. It allows you to be you, without the baggage, and helps realizing how false are those beliefs that undermine yourself.
-Thinking about what you want to be/become. There's hope, there's desire for a better life, nurture it sketching it (in your diary etc.).
You won't realize you're a saint, but you will realize that you are human, with flaws, and not the evil insignificant monster you think deserve all that hate.
