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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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What is actually wrong with you? Anonymous 109642

I often describe myself as a “femcel” to people I meet online/to people I detect to also be overly online. I don’t really see this as a negative/entitled term as an incel, but more I struggle with being a woman but don’t believe in becoming trans to cope with it.
What’s stopping you from looking/like behaving like a normal woman? Do people detect something off with you “quick”?

This is me:
> I didn’t really learn makeup as a teen and didn’t really bother until my early 20s. Although I know outside beauty is the main factor in how people judge you, I wish this wasn’t the case and I hate to wear it except on occasions I would feel uncomfortable NOT to wear it
> general sense of perpetual inferiority due to being the ugly duckling in my childhood
> no long lasting female friends, female friends I have had have only lasted a few months. I blame this on a masculine mentality/ autism and not being able to understand how to comfort upset women or fit in to their cliques. Most of my female friendships have ended in a harsh betrayal but I can’t say that’s a woman’s problem. Nowadays most “normie” or “quirky normie“ girl I avoid out of fear of being manipulated
> preference towards male friends. It’s the snake that eats its own as male friends, even when not actively pursuing you, assert a sense of ownership over you and feel betrayed if you dare live your own life. But they are also easier to talk to for obvious reasons if you can mask a small bit. They lure you in with a facade that they care about you as a person but if you don’t want to be their trophy gf, you’re nothing but a burden
> ironically an addiction to feeling wanted, but live my life friendless now for my own good
> substance abuse- many things and all my fault
> little connection to my family who are fucked up in the own family drama and the presence I have given them once/twice a year for the last 5 years has only made it worse for them
> undiagnosed autism that makes the socialisation aspect of work unbearable and I am shit at following instructions if it isn’t structured like a wikihow guide

Where has it all went wrong for you?

Anonymous 109644



> What’s stopping you from looking/like behaving like a normal woman?

i genuinely don't know. im so distanced from my peers, thinking about it i really don't have any point of reference

i mean i wear so much black stuff it probably predicts a depressive attitude (which is not wrong but i still wish i could detache myself from the all emptiness and darkness). makeup has helped me in feeling better about my looks. had to learn it myself too and still don't know most it

> Where has it all went wrong for you?

by no means an autist, but friendship is kinda foreign for me. when i read people saying that back in kindergarden making friends was so easy i just want to scream. the only person i can think of is this girl in preschool i was friends with. it was just a year or two, but the bits of memorys of us having slumberpartys, playing nintendo, literally just being cheerfull stands in great contrast to my ever lonely life. i think all lonelyness amd some other sexual stuff + bdd has left a traumatic mark on me idk. what i know is that i am still not able to connect with anyone. newest method involves sitting alone in a coffee shop with those special cups that signal that you want to talk. i know desperate, but also scary like i have not for my life had a meaningful conversation with a person i don't know. no idea why everyone is so excessive with talking. i just want to enjoy time with someone

> They lure you in with a facade that they care about you as a person but if you don’t want to be their trophy gf, you’re nothing but a burden

so real im glad i was able leave this behind. there is no reason to really interact with scrotes anymore, i feld no emotional connection with them. why would they you are just an object to them. a bitch that can watch them play their stupid video games ugh

Anonymous 109647

> What’s stopping you from looking/like behaving like a normal woman?

Femininity is a god forsaken load of tripe I don't envy women who run around prioritizing men or respect/ believe their "sources of joy". It all looks fake and insufferable to me. I cant really respect anything to do with performance femininity because the outcome is always looks hollow, sad stupid and desperate

Anonymous 109649


> men […] "sources of joy"

haha yeah no thx, like even how?
i rather stay lonely, then hear about their nonsense + this unpleasant attitude, they make it abundantly clear that you will just be "a female", therefore lower, in their eyes

Anonymous 109651

I wanna punt this little cat into the stratosphere

Anonymous 109660

Honestly I’m just too unhinged and deranged at this point. Grew up with mental illness and many struggles

Anonymous 109661

In the end I want things men can't give me, so they're irrelevant to me. I really hate how ugly they are compared to women, which kills my interest even more. I don't think these are flaws I think I'm blessed to be so free of their bullshit.

Anonymous 109662

i mean i can try to pin it on various events and external circumstances but there are people with the same set of cards who do fine. so i'm sure there's some genetic aspect to it as well.
first of all i moved around a lot as a kid, so never had a lot of friends. i got used to it, and although i felt lonely, the idea of changing the status quo was almost worse because it was unpredictable. i'm not sure why but i've always - i mean always, since i can remember - been afraid of people and just generally an extremely fearful person. i spent a couple years in teenagerhood not attending school and i think that impacted my social development in a permanent way. and it's not just 'social anxiety', i've been told more than once that my first impression is as a very weird person.
so where did it all go wrong? idk probably when some family issues reached a zenith among other things and i basically stopped functioning as a social person. i am doing ok now but still lonely lol. i genuinely have no idea how to talk to people on the most basic level. i have no idea how it works. if anyone read my blogposting and related to it, that's great.

Anonymous 109663

oh and this is particularly about being a woman it seems. ok i'm not great at that either. i hate being a woman. i hate how condescending men are when they 'like' you even if theyre stupid. being attractive to them reduces you to nothing

Anonymous 109664

I've gone so long without any kind of relationship and I've isolated myself for most of my life.
Now even if I can get a relationship, I wouldn't even be able to do it right.

Anonymous 109666

> What’s stopping you from looking/like behaving like a normal woman?

I have ocd, cptsd and severe anxiety due to severe childhood trauma. I don’t have any family that genuinely cares about my well being. It has taken me decades of shadow work to even be slightly comfortable with forming close friendships with others but I still self sabotage a LOT when it comes to romantic relationships. I require so much of space and have a great need for solitude. I fall out of love in every relationship and I often experience limerence for other people and feel immensely guilty all the time while in a relationship. I don’t think I’m capable of being with anyone without hurting myself and the other person. I’m starting to make peace with the fact that I’m probably going to spend my elderly days dyingalone kek. Just spent the night sobbing over the fact that these are the cards I’ve been dealt with. Fuck it all

> Do people detect something off with you “quick”?

Usually the ones that do are mentally ill themselves. The wounded recognises the wounded.

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