>>109642i mean i can try to pin it on various events and external circumstances but there are people with the same set of cards who do fine. so i'm sure there's some genetic aspect to it as well.
first of all i moved around a lot as a kid, so never had a lot of friends. i got used to it, and although i felt lonely, the idea of changing the status quo was almost worse because it was unpredictable. i'm not sure why but i've always - i mean always, since i can remember - been afraid of people and just generally an extremely fearful person. i spent a couple years in teenagerhood not attending school and i think that impacted my social development in a permanent way. and it's not just 'social anxiety', i've been told more than once that my first impression is as a very weird person.
so where did it all go wrong? idk probably when some family issues reached a zenith among other things and i basically stopped functioning as a social person. i am doing ok now but still lonely lol. i genuinely have no idea how to talk to people on the most basic level. i have no idea how it works. if anyone read my blogposting and related to it, that's great.
