/feels/ - Advice & Venting

i left unaliving too late and now i am living with consequences and dragging my dead life along

sounds like me but better
it will get better for you

>>112092
better…?

>>112093
you have stuff to look forward to
you do well at school it seems, college wont be too hard for you and then you'll get a nice job

>>112094
also consider dropping social media for a while or you will end up constantly comparing yourself to others and feel like shit all the time

>>112094
not really.. i spend my days just listening to music and wasting away on the internet. education is a privilege i know but i feel like i am just coping, im not even going to a 'good' uni becuase of my past mistakes so that is a main factor in all this, carries on into getting a job like you mentioned, the career i am probably going towards is very prestige based so i am hopeless. not trying to scare u by sounding like a fed but how is your situation similar/ not, im just curious.. )

>>112095
you're right, i think today was my final straw for this and wanting to stop all the brainrot i consume, focusing on 'better' things but idek. it just all feels like cope or something else that i seem to have an aversion to and ultimately sabotaging myself. i dont knowwwwwwwwwwwwww

i was you 8 years ago, i have no real advice because i am stupid and learned nothing from my mistakes. time just passes and the problems that are inside you compound while you spend more and more time avoiding the mirror. maybe it would help to see things as okay the way they are, even if everything is twisted. i coped by looking down on normies, despising and avoiding them. but when you come out of the box you will need to beg and kneel for a place at the table regardless. can you do it? the self-effacing wears you down only once.

>>112097
>i spend my days just listening to music and wasting away on the internet
you're not the only one. i dont even play vidya anymore. i just rot in my room while listening to random songs or lurking the net

>how is your situation similar/ not, im just curious.. )
i essentially dont have any human contact other than my parents. im a very avoidant person, but i think your problem has a different root

>>112099
>i was you 8 years ago
so how did you stop being like that?

>>112099
>i coped by looking down on normies, despising and avoiding them

i literally had an epiphany today about how stupid and useless i was for doing this, if anything it just made me feel worse and piled onto the mountain of my regrets and unexplainable things that make me the worst

>>112100
i feel disgusted when i catch myself using my mum/brothers mannerisms because they are basically the only people i interact with now. i want nothing more than a drastic event to happen that will change my entire life or even to run away or something. anything to really remove me from what is my current reality. young peoples hubris i know i know

>>112104
you will have another opportunity at making friends once you're in college. dont miss your chance. i dont even know what else to tell you, im a bit of a loser myself :(

>>112105
yeah i guess so, but i think youre pretty cool nona thank you for your wisdom

>>112106
ur welcome!!

>>112102
i didn't stop being like that, i got a lot worse for a long time. i will say though that you learn to cope better over time with the way things are. i tried to hang myself a month into college and became very psychotic in my room, tyrannized by the normal people surrounding me, obsessed with death, then spent years stalking males to cope with the loneliness. it's easy to become a bug person like that when isolated. what i hated the most was the laughter. the angles you take will determine how you respond to them. you can see them as robots, debase and cruel as i did. or you can see faint shadows of different lives, and yourself as a passerby. most reserve kindness to loved ones. there is no reaction to people like us that can cure the ailment. they will notice your non-participation in their world. it will push you deeper and deeper into yourself, and you will be powerless to stop it. well, that's how it went for me. but maybe you'll be different?
i never gave up on chasing love, feeling that it was the only thing that could save me. i now have a bf that i got a year ago and that has made me feel better even though i have never met him. i feel the sad me of the past being washed away a bit by the constant affection. it hasn't made me anew, but i'm calmer. i'd like to be someone else, to erase all the people i've been. i never got rid of the obsessive stalking urges either. i was just checking his linkedin again 5 minutes ago. but i wouldn't recommend rushing into that sort of thing. you will remember everything, if you are unlucky. the alienated ones do not all belong together, and it would be a mistake to pair yourself with the most deranged moids, no matter how similar they present themselves to you. but it could be that this isn't something you want at all. even alike i'm sure we are very different.
the other bit that i can say is that it is an opportunity to escape. chasing competence, chasing greed, these are also suitable options, for they can pull you out of the pit of dependence. you can make a lot of money, which will not cure you, but the you of the future will be in a better position once you've gained a greater sense of the world.
it's a bit like concealing yourself forever. but the nothingness is common still, the less connected the more statue-like it'll be. because the days begin and end the same way. in another place, in another room, with different colored blinds on your window, you will still be that same person.

>>112109
>but maybe you'll be different?
no, seems about right actually.
>it's a bit like concealing yourself forever. but the nothingness is common still, the less connected the more statue-like it'll be. because the days begin and end the same way. in another place, in another room, with different colored blinds on your window, you will still be that same person.
that's what i fear the most. it seems i'll never be normal. when i was a teenager i always thought it would get better as i aged. but every year that passed, i was more mentally ill and more isolated than the previous year. i don't know if there's a point in living like this past 30, but i'll still try, maybe something miraculous will happen and i'll become normal all of a sudden. who knows.

>>112087
i'm also 18 and a total fucking loser but i'm sure you'll do better than me in life nona
>>112100
>i just rot in my room while listening to random songs or lurking the net
this is literally what i do everyday. i can't even be bothered to read my books

>>112098
update, i woke up and am continuing the same self sabotaging routine……….

>>112183
stoooop!! or you'll end up like me

>>112195
maybe when Monday comes we'll be better…

>>112198
my mondays are not particularly different than my sundays since i study online. you might think its a perk. its really not, it's not healthy to be that lonely for such a long period of time

>>112200
me too nona, bbut im not really getting much studying done at all anyways :(

>>112201
lol, same. i'm virtually a NEET because of that. i still manage to pass my tests, somehow.

>>112202
yuup im also virtually a neet, i did have a full time job back in the winter but i quit that to 'focus on my studies'. jfl im shamelessly hopeless and scared of what will happen if i carry on like this… i have my final exams in just over a month and i havent even learnt all the material. i dont know how i expect to compete where i dont even compare and it feels too late to even try at this point and i dont know why i continue to do this to myself.

You have so much time to fix things in your life that aren't ideal or going well, so much time to change things. And you don't have to do it all at once and you don't have to get it right tomorrow.

And you know, if you think about it, your problems are very fixable. You're not in a highly abusive household you can't escape from, you're not disabled with no job or educational prospects, you're not struggling with severe poverty. No your problems boil down to "I waste my time by doing nothing productive, I have no social life and I'm not in a great place emotionally." I'm not minimising your feelings but you also need to be realistic and see that your problems are very much overcomeable if you put in the effort. If you suspect you have mental health issues (depression perhaps), seek out help.

>>112206
all the things i dont want to hear but should._.~~~~~

you are right of course nona i really should put in the effort and not create more things for myself to regret

>>112204
i also have my exams in about 1 month. you still have plenty of time. maybe you're subconsciously trying to find excuses not to start studying
dont worry, i do that all the time too

>>112208
ccute kitty

feels everyday is like a new excuse not to study and more than anything i am just scared, like actually terrified. is it possible to learn 2 years worth of content in so little time and do well and not disappoint and disgust everyone and myself, what else can i do but try anyways at this point.

>>112210
also, maybe you're feeling this way because of your finals and you don't know it. when my exams are approaching my overall mood becomes much worse, i start feeling like shit all the time.

i'd love to keep talking about how miserable we feel but i don't wanna waste your time nona, you really need to start studying asap and so do i

>>112214
i dont think its that, it doesnt even feel like a real thing that is happening to me, at least not yet and it really should do. i think i feel bad because i am, but not naturally.

>i'd love to keep talking about how miserable we feel but i don't wanna waste your time nona, you really need to start studying asap and so do i

yesyes u r right good luck with everythiing btw, and do you have any study tips at all?

>>112215
>i think i feel bad because i am, but not naturally.
for me its the opposite, i feel a little down most of the time. but it gets especially harder when something big is approaching, like my finals

>and do you have any study tips at all?
not really. i'm not a very good student, i'm sorry

>>112216
its okay, thank u for ur help nona and good luck <3

>>112215
>and do you have any study tips at all?
First, are grades really that important or do you have a pass or fail mindset.
Second, get organized.
Third, make a schedule for when you learn with fixed days and hours.
Fourth, try to keep your established order and only change if you want to improve it.
Fifth, introduce something else into your life that is separate from learning and NEETdom.
Sixth, try to keep everything in balance such that NEETness does not invade the other activities or doesn't allow you to do chores

Yeah same
At least I had an easy time in uni and graduated and got a decent job. I'm financially stable but my life these days is just work, stare at chans or just rot in my bedroom for the evening, sleep. Obtain money in bank account, don't even spend it beyond the bare minimum to survive, and otherwise do nothing.
Sometimes I play a vidya but then (ironically enough) it feels like a waste of time and I get annoyed at myself. It's easier to just… exist.

I've been trying to go out recently and meet some people, got a group of buddies that go out and do stuff sometimes and I've tagged along a few times and they don't hate me or anything, but every time I'm out and "socialising" I wish I was at home.

>>112215
>study tips
What worked for me was just re-read all the material available for each topic. Start about a week before the exam.

Honestly in a way this makes me even more disappointed in myself, I feel like I had an easy enough time that I could've made something good out of myself, I've got decent financial freedom now, and it's just going to waste because I have no desire to do anything. Wasted potential or something.

Good luck nona, one thing I can say is that at least I don't feel hopeless - my existence, such as it is, is stable. If you can get good results in college and kickstart your career, you'll have that stability to rely on, and you'll be in a way better place than those surviving on soul-crushing minimum wage gigs just because it's the only choice they have to not go hungry.

>>112223
>are grades really that important or do you have a pass or fail mindset.

what im currently studying is not important to me but getting a good grade is because thats what determines if i get into university or not so i really need to get a good grade.

do you think 10-12 hours everyday is doable? also what other activities do you think i should introduce

>>112237
i think this is my future to be honest and im okay with that lol, what im worried about is actually getting in to university and then also getting a good job afterwards ofc.

also i completely understand what youre feeling (i think), i wish i could create something great or make something that impacts peoples lives, make something good out of myself or something. you should be proud of yourself even still, not all people can make it to where you are and if anything its my current goal..

>>112215
Nta I used to be (and still am to a degree) a massive procrastinator because everything overwhelmed me. Timeblocking in combination with the pomodoro technique helps me a lot. Basically on sunday I look at my school schedule for the coming week, write down all classes I have to follow, obligations like job, appointments, meetups with people etc. That leaves me with space to dedicate to studying. I usually plan blocks of 2 hours, but you can do shorter if 2 hours is overwhelming. So ahead of time I know that, for example, on wednesday I'll study from 10 to 12am and 4pm to 6pm (or whatever). During that time I work on whatever needs working on, if I don't finish it; that's fine, I'll work on it during next study block. In a study block I study for 25 minutes, take a 5 minute break, repeat. I use this website to keep a timer: pomofocus.io. For planning I use google calendar and literally just schedule an appointment called 'studying'. It helps me get more out of my spare time too because I know I earned it and spend enough time on studying and other obligations already.

For me this method gives me structure and takes some of the pressure off my shoulder. All I have to do is study when I planned it, I'm not aiming to finish specific tasks in a specific amount of time.

>>112320
Do you mean 10-12 hours of studying daily? 10-12 hours seems a lot, especially if you're coming from a place of not studying much if at all. Don't overwhelm yourself.

Most universities (where I am anyway) assign X amount of time investment for X amount of credits, it provides a guideline how much time you should be reasonably spending on a course every week. Generally they assume 40 hour time investment a week including classes and self study. Maybe it's different where you are, but it's worth checking.

>>112323
Thanks for this nona I’ll try do something similar to organise myself but I think my lifestyle is more arbitrary and I tend to have an aversion to strict schedules, maybe this is what I need tho. And yeah I did mean 10-12 hours a day, I feel likethat it’s what I need to do or at least aim to do in order to catch up, I don’t think there is any other solution at the point I’m at.

Also, can I ask what you do in the 5 minute periods of the Pomodoro technique?

>>112326
Aw well maybe it helps someone else in this thread!

>can I ask what you do in the 5 minute periods of the Pomodoro technique?
I think they recommend you to actively walk away from the screen to do something else for a bit, but I find 5 minutes to be too short for that. So I usually read a book, play with my cats for a bit or write in my journal. Sometimes I browse but I try not to do that.

>>112087
>I am not even studying like I should be
Why are you in university if you don't care about your field?
>I do care about my field
Ok then your university degree is denying you an education, not uncommon. Where is the gun to your head telling you you're not allowed to read outside of course material
>I have too many assessments
So you spend your whole time outside of class working on assessment?
>No actually, I procrastinate too much by watching people who are better than me on youtube
They're not better than you. The people who are better than us are all dead. If you spent that time reading outside course material you could be good enough to fool your current self into thinking you're smart (NB: this is a trap, you only ever get dumber by reading, but in a good way)
>But I don't do that
Why not? It's engaging to learn about things that interest you, pick up a book
>I have
Was it published in the last 20 years? If yes, put it down. Go to your university library instead and read the old books that have a bunch of stamps from when they used to be read all the time - universities used to be quality institutions so it's pretty likely that the popular book in 1970 was popular by merit.
>I can't find the energy to do that
You can either be the cool grandma or the infuriating grandma, but you have to make that choice now, and by now I mean within the next 5 years. You've fallen for the ennui of our time, and you have to snap out of it.

>>112353
i'm not in uni yet, i have my final exam soon which decides if i get into uni or not and thats what is stressing me out right now. im not passionate about what i have applied to study for but it at least interests me and has good job prospects for the future, i do have my worries about the prestige of the institution i will attend and how that will matter/affect me.

>No actually, I procrastinate too much by watching people who are better than me on youtube
They're not better than you. The people who are better than us are all dead.

can you elaborate? i know that no one is genuinely better than anyone else but these people have a lot more to be proud of in their lives and i want to be like that too but it feels hopeless or like im too late.

>You've fallen for the ennui of our time, and you have to snap out of it.

you are right nona, and i do appreciate your response it is triggering but very constructive also. i made the op 4 days ago and since then i have been more productive than what my past months lump of existence has been but still not where i want and need to be.

>>112321
Yeah good luck nona. If you can get that much going, you'll at least be able to go about your days without hating everything about your life including your job. I'll take self-dissatisfaction and a feeling of missed potential any day over constant stress, poverty, and no way to escape.

Of course I only really have myself to blame for said dissatisfaction - and so I do. But it's certainly a starting place.

>>112326
You know I always hated schedules too and never did pomodoro but looking back it would probably have been helpful for actually getting things done better. Nothing feels better than the rare days where I finish my obligations so my free time is actually FREE, without being eaten away by constant remorse over things I should have done or even should be doing.
And the idea of just timeblocking some work time, short enough that it's easy to just focus on "getting through it" till the next break without trying to cheat by whiling away the time - that sounds like a fantastic tool to give yourself peace of mind, AND also get things done in the process because you're using that time to ACTUALLY work.
Shit, I should try out doing that nowadays even, it might help me in my job honestly.

Taking a walk and stretching during your break is probably best from a physiological perspective, keep the blood flowing and relax your eyes from staring at the screen. Maybe having something interesting to thinker with (still outside the screen) would be good - a puzzle you want to finish so spend a couple minutes laying out the pieces, some handicraft project you tinker with a bit to make a small bit of progress. Or grab a slice of apple and a glass of water.

Sincerely wish you the best of luck in getting back on track, nona. Sounds like you really need to focus on these next couple of months, maybe even to the detriment of enjoying life (in a way that wouldn't be sustainable long-term), which definitely isn't ideal - but if you pull through then it will be worth it.