>>113812>>113811She's right. You don't have to volunteer (though it's a great idea), but find people who are worse off than you. Treat them kindly, hang out and bond with them. You'll feel better about yourself just enough. Trust me.
Also uninstalling your negative thoughts takes months/years. That's just how it is. Have faith that you can one day be happy, keep that faith and eventually you really will. Get good at something that benefits your life in any small way. You'll start out shit, but in a few months you'll get good enough to start advising new people on how to do it properly. 1.5-2 years is enough (yeah sure it's a long time, but true meaningful change takes time. In life there are NO easy fixes. Deal with it.)
Continue ignoring men. You're not going to get anything out of them lmfao. When you hone on your strengths and get just a little confident in what you do, you'll find a moid who will genuinely admire you for your confidence and will do anything to stay with you. Based off the men in my family, the kind of men who genuinely value intelligence tend to be constantly single. I know several women who think sexually like men (value looks foremost) and men who think like women (discard looks when there is no chemistry). There are big differences between the sexes. At the end of the day, many people just want to spend time with someone who will put up with and laugh off their eccentricities.
Your distrust for people is completely reasonable. Maybe you had an expectation that people were good and trustworthy, but the truth is there are no "good" people. People do good things and bad. Your best friend will backstab you when the payoff is high enough, that's just rational game theory and a fact of life. To expect otherwise is to hold humanity to an irrationally high standard. That doesn't mean having a best friend doesn't hold great value. Such friendship serves you wonderful company, fun times and comfort when times are rough. If you had a friend who was that loyal to you, you probably wouldn't consider them your best friend anyway because they would pose no challenge or excitement to you.
I don't trust people either. I meet lots of people regularly and I feel very paranoid in the first few meetings, because the risk of identity theft or being roped into harm are real things to fear. Most people though genuinely don't wish to harm you. They just want to be better off today than they were yesterday and spend time with somebody who may understand their struggles and deepest desires.
You do NOT have to put on a "performance" no matter how weird you think you are. If you think you need to perform for others, then you are completely off-base. The weirdos of society who put the hard work in are the famous people you see all over TV. No matter what path you take, somebody is going to tell you it's wrong (even if it's becoming an engineer or studying medicine). You need to tune out all the garbage. They don't know what's best for you, they're trying to figure out what's best for them by projecting it on you to verbally process their own self-reflection. Be yourself to the best of your ability. Hiding your deepest passions will drive away the genuinely great people by making them think you're just some lame normie (which is very unpopular in intelligent and high net worth circles). My family is full of wealthy entrepreneurs and they really look down on such people as sheep who lack critical thinking.
The people who fit in easily, they are the ones putting on the performance. Their lives are so painful, dull and superficial. Then they cry alone about how nobody understands then and jump around from awful relationship to relationship. Somehow it's so difficult for them to just be honest about who they are. They'll never tell you though about how miserable they are though, because that will break the happy, everything-is-good "act". It's funny because most of those "loneliness crisis" articles are actually meant for them. Believe me, no sane person wants to live like that, and that's why most people don't do that. Most of the weirdos actually have deep friendships with people who think like them.
Leave your house, get outside and meet new people. Also be kind. Lots of people put up walls and act rude as a psychological defense mechanism, but that's really not going to get you anywhere. Be wary and on guard for deceptive actors, but be kind to people and help them out when it doesn't hurt you. Kindness is so hard to find. Even a morally dubious person will at least be kind to someone who treats then well to continue getting the good treatment. Keep some attitude too though and be yourself. Just keep moving forward in your own way and life will fall into place.
Do not push everybody away though. That is how you stay miserable forever. Humans are social animals whether you want to admit it or not.
By the way, you keep saying you want your mind back. In objective terms, how are you not in control of your mind? What specific symptoms indicate that you are not control of your mind? Is it just constant stress and hatred of people and the world (which is 100% natural and something every person experiences)? Please, write it all out so you can logically explain why you don't control your mind and figure out how you can get it back.
