/feels/ - Advice & Venting

My cat gave birth this morning and her only child is deformed, I think it's a premature birth. I'm so creeped out, it looks weird, like a small mass is bulging out between his eyes. I feel horrible for my kitty.
>Inb4 why isn't she neutered?
I cannot possibly afford that sort of procedure, broke college student and all, I never thought of taking her to a vet for that anyway, she is always at home, she didn't even go through a "heat" phase as much as I'm concerned, idk when it happened, but a few months ago she would escape at night and I wouldn't find her until the next morning.
At first I felt neutral about it, bc she wasn't breastfeeding her son, I thought animals sometimes reject their deformed or I'll young, heck, I've even seen mother cats eat their own litter if they're born ill, it's their nature, their instinct, I can't possibly judge them by human standards for it, I have made peace with it, whatever. I was ready for my cat to hate her son.
But she didn't
It's fucking breaking my heart, she keeps coming back to check on him. She wants me to help her feed him, she pushes him towards me to pick up then lies on her side and lifts her hind leg, indicating she wants him to feed. But he won't. He can barely breathe, he will die sooner or later and it breaks my heart that his mom actually cares. She's a small cat, she's only 10 months old. She's always been the sweetest, most gentle girl. I've raised her since she was practically a few weeks old. Her mom was my sister's pet. It hurts to see her so distressed, so scared and confused. I almost wish she’d rejected her child, that'd have made it easier for both of us, however selfish that may sound, that cat is already dead, there's no doubt about it.
Why was it only one cat? Don't cat usually give birth to 4 or so cats at a time? I don't understand anything