/feels/ - Advice & Venting

>>119399
>I lost my virginity to him so I am afraid I will regret my decision to split up
This is why you shouldn't have sex before marriage, otherwise, if you lose your virginity to a loser moid, you'll be afraid to leave him.

>>119399
Gross. Leave.

Play silly games, win silly prizes.

>>119400
And if you marry a loser moid AND lose your virginity to him, you'll be happy and excited to leave? Doesn't add up.

Tell him he has to also be okay with you having a threesome with another guy, and see how he reacts.

I am now starting to rationalize his sexual appetite god I’m so pathetic it’s so hard to leave

>>119414
Why would you marry a loser? If he's a loser, don't marry him. The point is, don't have sex unless you're certain you want to spend the rest of your life with him.

>>119420
By that logic, why not just avoid the often time-consuming maze of marriage as a social and legal contract, and just not date a loser? If he's a loser, don't have sex with him. What makes marriage a safer option than dating? What stops a man from lying about himself to get a wife (they already do this)?
>The point is, don't have sex unless you're certain you want to spend the rest of your life with him.
I don't entirely disagree with this, but marriage helps nothing in this scenario. Many women have gotten married and ended up in situations like OP's or worse.

>>119418
Non-zero chance he's going to cheat on you and then try to rationalize it as you putting the idea in his head. Have some self-respect, anon. Be honest and tell him you were just saying shit. His reaction will tell you some things.
It sounds like you want to leave, and you've probably seen other red flags, but you're coping because you're already there. You'll be better off if you break up before things get any deeper (especially if you don't live together).

>>119422
We do live together and I have no way to move my stuff because I never got my driver's license and I'm only friends with women who don't drive either fml. Anyway I told him about the shit test and here he is pretending to not remember

>>119424
Huge issue that he's acting like he doesn't remember and lying that he "never" thinks of such things.
If he can't even be honest about this, it's best to just break up. Do it as amiably as you can, just don't let him lie to you anymore. If Uber with luggage is available, use that to get your stuff out or maybe contact a family member.

>>119421
>time-consuming maze of marriage as a social and legal contract
You can get married without a wedding, you know.
>just not date a loser
The problem is, you can't know he's a loser until you've spent some time with him, and date him. It's a Catch-22. But you don't marry a guy off the bat, you marry after a long time of dating him.
>What stops a man from lying about himself to get a wife (they already do this)?
Men are afraid of commitment. They lie to get sex, not marriage. Or if they are willing to lie to get marriage, they are much much more willing to lie to get sex.
>What makes marriage a safer option than dating?
Waiting for marriage itself does not make a moid better. Rather, it discourages moids who don't really love you from trying to seduce you and lie to you.
A bf has a 95% chance of dumping you, since he has no obligation whatsoever to stay with you. A husband has a much smaller chance, and if he does, at least he has to pay alimony. Which would you take your chances with?
>marriage helps nothing in this scenario
I bet if OP had told her bf, "No sex before marriage", he would have left her immediately, and she wouldn't be in the mess she is in now.

>>119428
>You can get married without a wedding, you know.
It's not just the wedding, it's the documentation involved and the mess of exiting when things go badly. In a heavily pro-marriage society, women are also shamed for divorcing instead of "staying to fix things", even if their situation is hell.
>The problem is, you can't know he's a loser until you've spent some time with him, and date him. It's a Catch-22. But you don't marry a guy off the bat, you marry after a long time of dating him.
The real killer (sometimes literally) is men who seem to switch personalities the moment they get married.
>Men are afraid of commitment. They lie to get sex, not marriage. Or if they are willing to lie to get marriage, they are much much more willing to lie to get sex.
There are men who fear commitment, and there are men who want a woman to keep prisoner for life. Many want to have it both ways, a wife at home and a life chasing women outside marriage, but they pretend to only want one. If women start saying "No sex before marriage", all that's going to happen is men will say "Yes, I will marry you, I'm a trad man babe" (it's even worse if they're "trad", because that comes with some ridiculous norms and stipulations). There will be women who just need to hear those words before their walls start coming down and they become more and more pliant, and the women who hold fast to their word will still get the shit end of the stick when men put on airs to quickly tie potential wives to them, get the sex they want and a bangmaid. The aspect of waiting for marriage loses its weight if he's wealthy or reckless enough to say "Sure, let's get married within a year because I'm serious about you" or the much more simple poor/lazy man tactic of "That's okay, I'll wait patiently until we can get married (I will cheat on you until our marriage happens)".
>A bf has a 95% chance of dumping you, since he has no obligation whatsoever to stay with you. A husband has a much smaller chance, and if he does, at least he has to pay alimony. Which would you take your chances with?
Yes, he'd rather keep the marriage and intimidate and manipulate you so he can enjoy the increased funds/prestige that come with being a husband. Plus, if he's wealthy enough to get a good lawyer, there's a good chance he'll be able to avoid alimony, too. I'm not worried about being dumped, but about getting stuck with someone I'll want to dump and carrying the stain of time spent with that kind of person for life.
>I bet if OP had told her bf, "No sex before marriage", he would have left her immediately, and she wouldn't be in the mess she is in now.
He probably would've lied and said he wanted marriage too, then made both internal and external excuses to cheat. After all, men aren't the ones saying "No sex before marriage".

>>119429
>it's the documentation involved
A courthouse wedding won't even take an hour
>In a heavily pro-marriage society,
I hope you don't think 2024 America is a pro-marriage society (assuming you live in America).
>men who seem to switch personalities the moment they get married
Where there's smoke, there's fire. It's like watching how he treats the waiter at a restaurant: there will always be signs.
>What if this
>What if that
Unlikely to happen, especially if he's also a virgin. Just date someone younger so you'll have power over him.
>I'm not worried about being dumped, but about getting stuck with someone I'll want to dump
But OP is stuck with someone she wants to dump, because she lost her virginity to him.
>He probably would've lied and said he wanted marriage too, then made both internal and external excuses to cheat.
Yeah, I doubt OP is a millionaire superstar that he wants to hold on to her and go through all the effort of cheating, rather than simply leaving her for someone else.
>After all, men aren't the ones saying "No sex before marriage".
Yeah, you're supposed to find one who does.

>>119431
>A courthouse wedding won't even take an hour
There's also the marriage license, joint funds/property, responsibility over life affairs and debts, and other legal bindings that depend from country to country.
>I hope you don't think 2024 America is a pro-marriage society (assuming you live in America).
I'm not talking about 2024 America, I'm talking about all pro-marriage societies. Even America before now works as an example, divorce was not smiled upon.
>Where there's smoke, there's fire. It's like watching how he treats the waiter at a restaurant: there will always be signs.
And when there aren't? These are just the same tips you give to women dating. "Just watch them", but that doesn't prevent it from happening or him from covering up. Face it, marriage doesn't prevent abuse or maltreatment. It just traps women.
>Unlikely to happen, especially if he's also a virgin. Just date someone younger so you'll have power over him.
We've seen from incels that virgin men aren't exactly pure of heart or intention, kek. Many of them don't even attach to the women they lose their virginities to, they just start wondering about other women, get into porn and have other men lie to them about shit. Dating someone younger reduces women's life expectancy even more than dating some older moid does, too.
>But OP is stuck with someone she wants to dump, because she lost her virginity to him.
Being married to the moid would've made it even harder to get away. As a cohabiting girlfriend, there's less shit involved in leaving.
>Yeah, I doubt OP is a millionaire superstar that he wants to hold on to her and go through all the effort of cheating, rather than simply leaving her for someone else.
You think only millionaire superstars get cheated on and two-timed? It happens to all kinds of women too, because a lot of men like having pussy at home and someone to cuddle them and make them meals, and pussy outside the home on the side. It's not even a huge effort to cheat, men will do it for nothing but curiosity or boredom.
>Yeah, you're supposed to find one who does.
They lie about it and there's little to no way of finding out until it's already happened, so marriage isn't a safety net.

>>119432
>Dating someone younger reduces women's life expectancy even more than dating some older moid does, too.
My bad, *marrying someone younger reduces women's life expectancy even more than marrying some older moid does.

>>119432
>I'm not talking about 2024 America,
Well, I am.
>virgin men aren't exactly pure of heart or intention, kek
Why would you want a nonvirgin? Do you expect a nonvirgin to wait until marriage?
>Being married to the moid would've made it even harder to get away.
Exactly! That's why moids who are only in it for sex don't want to get married.
>a lot of men like having pussy at home and someone to cuddle them and make them meals, and pussy outside the home on the side.
Don't get close to a slutty moid. If he's been saving himself for marriage his whole life, why would he want to cheat on you?
>They lie about it and there's little to no way of finding out until it's already happened,
Men are not likely to lie about being virgins.

>>119434
>Well, I am.
And if 2024 America follows your advice, the exact same thing I described will be the case. Pro-marriage societies don't sympathize with women who choose divorce, that's reality.
>Why would you want a nonvirgin? Do you expect a nonvirgin to wait until marriage?
Virgin men won't either. It's a mistake to equate female virgins to male virgins.
>Exactly! That's why moids who are only in it for sex don't want to get married.
You denying moids sex until marriage won't stop them from having sex with other women behind your back and lying to your face. Also, a virgin moid wouldn't turn down a threesome, kek.
>Don't get close to a slutty moid. If he's been saving himself for marriage his whole life, why would he want to cheat on you?
Because he's seen porn and been brainwashed to think his existence is lacking if he doesn't have sex. This is the mindset of virgin men in general. They don't see it as some beautiful gift for their partner, they just see themselves as losers who haven't fucked, and they'll take the easiest chance to do so.
>Men are not likely to lie about being virgins.
They will if women start saying they want virgins.

>>119435
>Virgin men won't either.
What makes you think a slut moid will be more willing to wait until marriage than a virgin?
>won't stop them from having sex with other women behind your back and lying to your face
If they're gonna do that, they're just gonna dump you instead.
>a virgin moid wouldn't turn down a threesome
Maybe an incel wouldn't, but an innocent prude will.
>They don't see it as some beautiful gift for their partner, they just see themselves as losers who haven't fucked
I'm not talking about incels, I'm talking about guys who genuinely want to save themselves for their wives.
>They will if women start saying they want virgins.
That's not the case yet.

>>119437
>What makes you think a slut moid will be more willing to wait until marriage than a virgin?
They're both sluts.
>If they're gonna do that, they're just gonna dump you instead.
Nope, an extremely high number of women have been cheated on and are being cheated on as we speak.
>Maybe an incel wouldn't, but an innocent prude will.
No such thing as an adult male who's an innocent prude, only porn addicted LARPers. Religious communities are even worse for that, just the most disgusting and unfaithful men possible.
>I'm not talking about incels, I'm talking about guys who genuinely want to save themselves for their wives.
See above.
>That's not the case yet.
Yet.

>>119438
>virgins are sluts
C'mon.
>Nope, an extremely high number of women have been cheated on and are being cheated on as we speak.
Because they're with slutty moids.
>No such thing as an adult male who's an innocent prude
Then no moid is worth dating at all, and you shouldn't be having sex with them to begin with.
>Religious communities are even worse for that, just the most disgusting and unfaithful men possible.
Depends on the religion and even the individual church

>>119439
>C'mon.
Adult moids in 2024 aren't pure or "innocent". They watch porn, all their friends do it too and they see sex with lots of women as a sign of power.
>Because they're with slutty moids.
Which are 99.9% of moids, and always has been. "Pure" men only exist in CC user's fantasies.
>Then no moid is worth dating at all, and you shouldn't be having sex with them to begin with.
Fair.
>Depends on the religion and even the individual church
Nope, they're all like that because men are like that, and religion makes them go into a cycle of repression, hypocrisy and indulgence.

>>119440
>"Pure" men only exist in CC user's fantasies.
They exist, I've known a few, although they are really rare. I don't want miners to lose hope that they can find one, because once they've lost hope, they never will find.
>religion makes them go into a cycle of repression, hypocrisy and indulgence.
It's a lot more nuanced than all religions always make moids worse, but since religious discussion is banned on cc, I don't want to get into it further.

>>119440
isnt attitude towards religion usually a side effect and not a cause?

>>119446
Being raised in a religious household fucks boys up. Girls too (and entire families, really). Anybody who says otherwise is turning a blind eye to the ugly truth, probably for appearance or ideological LARP purposes (all men, especially those from the internet, who go looking for girlfriends in churches should be stoned to death).

>>119424
>and I have no way to move my stuff because I never got my driver's license and I'm only friends with women who don't drive either fml

So you're a loser too then, sounds like you deserve each other.

>>119448
Who cares, plenty of famous people don't have drivers licences.

>>119447
What is this ugly truth you talk about?
Would it be better that everyone should be promiscuous? Or just to live their sexual lives with no moral compass.

What are you trying to tell here. Maybe I'm getting it all wrong

>>119453
The fact that you think promiscuity and a lack of morals are the opposite of a religious lifestyle doesn't bode well. Religion does not provide a moral compass, only the aesthetic and veneer of it, because its building blocks are in hypocrisy, greed, doublethink and the rationalizations of powerful men. This is why it's part of nearly every single religious community's culture to not only cover up, but defend child abusers, domestic abusers and rapists in every branch. Anyone who was raised in such a community has literally seen the doublethink in action, and the lists of excuses made for actual promiscuity and degeneracy abound. For example, incest is abuse, cheating on your wife is wrong, and child molestation is evil, whether or not you pray every day and whatever your position you have in your local church or community. Religious people struggle to follow this very basic principle, and they think not talking about it or blaming the victim is better than holding those who do these things accountable. It's "Oh, but he's a holy man, it cannot be that bad, and anyway, I don't want to rock the boat, judge not lest ye be judged", not "He is a holy man, so he must staunchly be held to our stated moral values for the good of our community. If he commits abusive and immoral acts, he shames and harms us all, regardless of whether said acts are public-facing or private". The amount of people who turn a blind eye to grown men who prey on little boys as long as they're of high enough status in the community or have deep enough pockets is a feature of the entire structure, not a bug, and you see this happening across multiple religions. Anyone who knows about these things and still defends these communities as "morally upright" either has no understanding or experience with these groups, secretly believes that if you have power, degeneracy is okay, or just has the personal goal of socially climbing their way up to be able to get away with immorality and still be praised as "good", too.
A strong moral compass comes from personal integrity and empathy, two things religious communities lack and try to replace with congregation, stated (not practiced) cultural values, "vibes" and status games. If you need the threat of hell to not want to hurt others or become a complete and total reprobate, you should be avoided.

>>119457
>moral compass
Reddit terminology

>>119459
I'm just using the same language as >>119453 so they'll understand me better

>>119399
>Should I change boyfriends or myself?
tl dr
Answer is BOTH

>They don't see it as some beautiful gift for their partner, they just see themselves as losers who haven't fucked, and they'll take the easiest chance to do so.

How can this even change when both men and women shame virgin men in general?

>>119463
We need to start slut-shaming men.
NO CHERRY NO MARRY