/feels/ - Advice & Venting

I think my gf hates me

or at least has grown to like me a lot less over the course of our relationship. We have been dating for almost 6 months now and at first it was really good but than she started ignoring me more and more

like for example she is like super chronically online and has a screentime of like 16 hours a day on her phone when she doesnt have uni or work or wtv

but she takes ages to respond to me im talking like 8 hours WHILE ACTIVE, like not including when she is sleeping.like on valentines day i wished her happy valentines at 7am and she didnt respond till 9pm

and like idk at our one month she got me a handwritten letter and flowers and than for the months after that she wrote me a letter which was super sweet. But for our five months she didnt get me anything so im starting to wonder if i have upset her. also i always for our anniversaries i always get her gifts like plushies, flowers, a card and her fav chocolate and snacks

idk i also just feel like she doesnt see a future with me. I feel like a placeholder until a prettier girl comes. idk i know i need to talk to her but i dont know how

i also was recently with diagonsed bpd which she doesnt know about yet and it makes me really unstable espically when she ignores me or treats me differently.

i am so so scared to lose her and i am so afraid she will leave me. I genuinely think I would kill myself. Over the course of the relationship i have attempted sucicde twice because i felt ignored and unloved by her which i know is not her fault and that it is my own perception.

she doesnt know that she caused these attempts as I know it would be unfair to put that pressure on her but i dont know what to do i just want to crawl into a hole and die