lesbian or comphet?? Anonymous 120224
Hi everyone,
I'm not sure if this post is allowed on here, but it's worth a shot. I'm 19 this year, and up until I was 14 I was convinced I was heterosexual. But every time a guy hit on me or asked me out, I'd get this deep feeling of dread and disgust. Once I even cried because I felt 'dirty'. When I was 16, I saw this boy, I really really liked him. I'd talk about him all the time, wish he'd ask me out, got upset when he turned me down, etc. Eventually, I went on a date with him when I was 17, and I came home genuinely wondering if I was a lesbian. I had an on and off thing with him throughout last year, but every time my friends would jokingly refer to him as my boyfriend, I'd feel disgusted that they could even percieve me that way. I'd have so many talking stages with guys, but after a day or two, that 'honeymoon phase' would wear off and I would genuinely hate them. Every time my friends would talk about boys, I'd feel this almost imposter syndrome when I'd talk and try to relate to them. When I'd see guys IRL, I'd study their faces, imagine scenarios, before finally deciding to like them. I liked getting attention and validation from men, but I'd never want it to get serious. My 'feelings' for men i've 'wanted' recently always wittles down unless I see them IRL, then I want them to want me again. Sounds pretty lesbian, right?
Here's my dilemma. I've had two 'talking stages' with girls before, and I lowkey got that same 'ick' feeling. I'd honestly get uncomfortable every time my friends / family members / literally anyone would just percieve me as capable of having romantic feelings period. (I.E., insinutating i'm busy on valentines, asking about relationship prospects, etc.) I find the idea of being with a man appealing, occasionally find myself wanting a boyfriend even, I find male fictional characters attractive, and I've had crushes on IRL men before but they were always unattainable in some way (i.e. tiktok boys or passers by on the street.) I remember having crushes on boys as a kid, before I could conceptualise male validation. I don't feel aversed to being with a man, and I find sex with AMAB individuals appealing. I've had phases where I even questioned my attraction to women and thought I was straight and faking it.
However, I can't differentiate between these feelings towards men being comphet / wanting validation / loving the chase, or if I'm just bisexual and currently going through the 'bi cycle'. My standards for men are so incredibly high, and I'll see couples on tiktok and think 'wow, if this girl can stand being with that ugly ass man, surely I should just push through and settle for this guy. surely I'll like him eventually???', but on the other hand, I've tried labelling myself as a lesbian and it feels like I'm 'missing out'??? But if I call myself bi, or try and have 'boy talk' with my friends, I feel this insane impostor syndrome. UGH!
I know I'm still young, and have time to experiment. but any advice would be really really helpful.
Thank u so much :)
Lots of love !!
Anonymous 120254
Just ask yourself this in this way.
Do you masturbate to boys or girls.
What you masturbate to is your sexuality.
Anonymous 120271
your experience seems more about having a psychological issue with sex rather than about being a straight or bi in general. for example you say you dont like that people can perceive you sexually regardless if its with a man or woman. so maybe its because of trauma or maybe its because being "taken" reduces your worth as a human being in our culture, i dont know, but something tells me its easier for you to have crushes on fictional men and imagine having sex with genderqueers because it doesnt involve any of that. maybe having crushes on extremely attractive men offsets that degradation/disgust since hes already high value himself, it doesnt count enough to reduce your own worth. and as the honeymoon phase finishes the fantasy of romance dies out and the disgusting reality of being expected to give up your body kicks in, like a grotesque corruption of genuine love, you feel sick. but im talking shit. its probably as simple as that other anon puts it. if you masturbate to boys more, even though youre chances of being happy with a woman is higher than a(n ugly) man, youre still likely straight/bihet. i think its normal to be disgusted by men if when youre suppose to be attracted to them. your story sounds less comphet more polilez atp
Anonymous 120290
you're not a lesbian, just catholic
Anonymous 120298
hmm, it sounds like you might be on the aro/ace spectrum, anon. I've had these feelings as well. Sometimes we like to idealize relationships because we've been taught to want them but once reality hits they become icky. asexual people aren't always repulsed by sex. some of them even enjoy it. idk if CC can tell you who you are, but I think you should definitely look into this.
Anonymous 120318
>>120298Asexuality isn't a thing. It's the absence of a thing, and therefore not something to identify as. Stupidest shit ever. Anyway OP you sound like a textbook hysteric, read some Lacan or find an analyst if you can.
Anonymous 120319
>>120298Asexuality isn't a thing. It's the absence of a thing, and therefore not something to identify as. Stupidest shit ever. Anyway OP you sound like a textbook hysterical neurotic, read some Lacan or find an analyst if you can.
