/feels/ - daddy issues

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daddy issues Anonymous 04/18/25 (Fri) 03:11:21 AM121289

every day, i feel like i am hollow inside. abusive parents, bad childhood, you know the rest. i want someone to hold me and want to take care of me. i feel like theres some psychological need to have someone want to care for you above anything else. i think thats where we get our will to live. from someone else who feels so strongly about us growing and living well. i feel like i can barely function without someone to validate the effort im putting in, and i just cant do it for myself. i try to be my own mom a bit. when i talk to myself or in my thoughts, it's almost always "let's do this, we can do this, we can make it". like i'm a girl trying to encourage a girl, not just, one person alone. but i can't be my own dad. it's different.

it feels like every other girl dates some older guy to fill the hole. but i don't want to date my father. or father replacement. i want my boyfriend to be boyish and silly and immature and we grow together and learn together. i want my dad to be totally solid. a big rock. a storm shelter i can always run back to. i have nobody, and like, it feels like the world basically has no care for someone who needs a father but doesn't have one the moment i'm not a little kid anymore. so whore out for the luxury of being loved that way or just suck it up? i don't want to. i wish i could be close with a man who cares and wants to protect me and would hold me and encourage me but have no sexual tension, no questions or worries that things could be weird. but nobody would even believe me if i explained that. not that normal people accept the mentally ill clearly defining their desires anyway. i guess i just want to know if anyone feels this way too? am i crazy? are women who date older settling for the next best thing or are my "daddy issues" categorically different from that behavior? am i nuts?

Anonymous 04/20/25 (Sun) 08:40:14 AM121364

Sounds like you want to be a boymom

Anonymous 04/20/25 (Sun) 08:52:53 AM121366

if you actually had such a figure it would take you all of 2 days to fuck him because you don't know what you want

Anonymous 04/20/25 (Sun) 09:16:14 AM121367

>>121289
>i try to be my own mom a bit.
you also have to be your own dad

read Addiction to Perfection. the book is trash but useful enough

Anonymous 04/20/25 (Sun) 01:24:17 PM121381

>>121364
tf is that? like having a son? i want kids one day maybe but i need to figure myself out first and i really dont see how it's relevant to the post

>>121366
no i wouldn't.

>>121367
i just don't see how that's possible really. single moms can't also be dads. i think it's crazy enough that i'm sort of momming myself.

why recommend a book you think is trash

Anonymous 04/20/25 (Sun) 01:57:45 PM121384

>>121381
there isn't a better book on the topic.

Anonymous 04/20/25 (Sun) 04:56:56 PM121389

>>121384
i kinda find it hard to make "bad book" and "best option" play nice together. it feels like that means you know the topic better than the book? which either means theres a better place to learn it or you're like making psych breakthroughs on your own and id rather just hear you explain it

Anonymous 04/20/25 (Sun) 05:31:25 PM121391

>>121289
>but i can't be my own dad. it's different.
why not? what's different, exactly? encouragement is unisex. being your own parent is stressful and tiring enough, true, but this point in particular i don't quite understand

Anonymous 04/20/25 (Sun) 05:43:44 PM121393

>>121289
crazy is a spectrum and everybody moves up and down on it all the time. sometimes we all do things that don't make sense to others, often because of we've learned to navigate the world from an unsafe place; that's the struggle of a difficult upbringing. you say "am i crazy?", "am i nuts?"; this is not a binary, and you are not broken. don't be scared of yourself, and try to be less self-critical. the fact that you're trying to reflect and trying to understand is a huge thing. just keep doing your best. love and care from someone else does help; but you really need to get to a place where you can be comfortable in your own mind. this is not easy, but it is possible.

take it slow. it sounds like your heart is tied up in knots, and for good reason, but you can't untangle it by force. you have to let it settle, and gently reflect on your feelings and experiences without being critical and stressing yourself more.

with love; i know you can do it!

Anonymous 04/20/25 (Sun) 05:48:17 PM121394

>>121391
i dont know. maybe its male validation. maybe im not good at loving myself. maybe idk what a father is really like. a mom to me feels like a being-a-girl-tutorial. im catching up on that. a dad feels like being loved tutorial. dealing with men tutorial. some shit like that. i can't give myself insight on men or external validation. or advice i wouldnt have thought of. or cool stories. its a self worth thing partly. i dont know.

Anonymous 04/20/25 (Sun) 05:54:06 PM121395

>>121393
this feels like parent level advice. maybe im not really my own mom either. im more like an older sister doing my best. but its still in the mom box. just not filling it very good. i feel at least abit broken but i try not to think that way. i dont know how to be comfy on my own. i have always said if im still alone when i turn 30 ill probably kill myself. living life without anybody else feels impossible and hellish to me. and ive never been good at dealing with knots and problems gently. i chew the knots out of my hair or yank them out. i know its bad for my roots but still. and split ends. but still. i hate the knots.