/feels/ - Advice & Venting

autism and ADHD are trashcan diagnoses nowadays that house people with other developmental, psychological and psychiatric issues
you sound like cptsd adjacent type of gal (not bullied, but never made feel welcome so you don't know how it happens)
if you were given a favorable social environment you probably would do much better
(correct me if you feel I'm wrong, this is only an opinion from someone who also missed all the milestones but made up later in life)

I'm almost the same as you, but the problem is that i just cant improve. I just stare at myself and cry about how ugly i am. HOW DO I GET OUT OF THIS

>>123299
sorry that this might sound cliche but it doesn't get better until you really put effort into it. i started a calorie deficit for weigh loss, very strict with it, same with my skincare, doesn't matter if im falling apart i just do it because i don't want to be back to being ugly. i had hyperpigmentation in my elbows, armpits and inner thighs, got better with glycolic acid, for hair idk what you prefer or what your texture is but i get mine permanently straightened every 3~4 months, kept my natural color and let it grew. it takes a ton shit of time and effort so its discouraging but you have to force yourself

>>123295
first thing i am not seeing you practice is the belief that "it is possible for you". that's the thing you have to keep focus on for so the less conscious parts of you to do not drown in hopelessness.

1)it is possible
2)you choose to make it happen
3)you are involving yourself in the process of making it happen
4)that's how you make it happen

once you truly believe it is possible, it is but the simple formality of choosing to make it possible.

>>123299
>that i just cant improve

wat? blasphemy!

find someone as ugly as you

>>123316
ugly men are awful outside and inside so ill prefer having high physical standards for them. since i improved why they can't?

>>123317
key word: as ugly as you

>>123321
right mb that doesn't fix the fact that idk how to talk to them though

>>123324
true

>>123324

not knowing what to say is not a problem. you not initiating contact is the problem. "not knowing what to say" is just the excuse for not initiation. have you tried saying 'hi' while walking? or making a cute short catwave while someone walks by. just don't approach with any long prepared speech or interview; no theater productions what so ever.

>>123327
i don't approach people like that because i think it might be weird since i don't see other people waving and saying hi randomly, and they are just passing by, usually i don't even make eye contact with people on street but if im in a place with men i do interact with them (work, uni, parties, etc) but i become some sort of listener rather than an active part of the conversation which make the thing awkward, specially if im feeling some sort of attraction towards them. i avoided a lot being perceived because of how i looked, i thought guys might feel offended by my interest on them if that makes sense.. so it doesn't matter if i say hi or whatever, what comes after that is what terrorize me

>>123328
>i don't approach people like that because i think it might be weird

it will most certainly get weird but as with everything you get better with it and as you get better it will get less weird. don't be paralyzed from the weirdness rather notice and question the weirdness and i am sure you will learn from it how to be less weird the next time.

>since i don't see other people waving and saying hi randomly, and they are just passing by, usually i don't even make eye contact with people on street

>but if im in a place with men i do interact with them (work, uni, parties, etc) but i become some sort of listener

sounds boring and self-sacrificial to me

>rather than an active part of the conversation which make the thing awkward, specially if im feeling some sort of attraction towards them.

i think when you feel something you have the duty to express the feeling. that's just you fulfilling your obligation being born a human on planet earth. i wouldn't start with going full force because the expression of feelings can indeed get weird but if you start to look for it, you will find little ways of expressing your feelings. being too ashamed to express the feelings, that is the worst, don't let that be you. look for the subtle, non-smothering ways to casually release your feelings into the universe instead of botteling them up.

try lighthearted humor. if you think a dude is hot, have a little collapsible hand-fan and cool yourself off frantically for a few seconds as if you can't take how hot he is but do it with a gentle smile to let him know it is not all that serious or threatening. mumble "there must be some male model convention nearby" again not all the serious. as long as you don't overdo it, that's perfectly legal, acceptible human behavior. the better you get at dancing btw, the less you are ashamed. dancing is the antidote to shame.

>i avoided a lot being perceived because of how i looked, i thought guys might feel offended by my interest on them if that makes sense..

yeah makes sense and is also a valid concern. the better you get, the better you become at noticing beforehand who doesn't want to be considered interesting by you. you get better at that. might be awkward in the beginning but don't let that dishearten you.

>so it doesn't matter if i say hi or whatever, what comes after that is what terrorize me

just say that. "hot dudes make me nervous, i don't know what to say. if you are stuck and worry it might get awkward, just say that. i can feel the awkwardness, good bye handsome!" why would you even say anything else then what is going on for you.

messed up the quotation.

just say that. "hot dudes make me nervous, i don't know what to say". if you are stuck and worry it might get awkward, just say that. "i can feel the awkwardness, good bye handsome!" why would you even say anything else then what is going on for you.