>>123351I'm in a similar boat nona.
I often feel like i rotted before i had a chance to flower.
You just have to come to terms with what happened and what makes you happy.
There's nothing wrong with having strange fetishes as long as they dont hurt anybody.
I try to think that life is meaningless, my time on this earth is very one dimensional. I think back to the past and think of all the sexual deviants that existed during roman or greek times and then i dont feel so bad.
tldr you only feel bad becuase of societies idealistic view of purity and cleanliness. be as dirty as you want, you only live for yourself.