/feels/ - Advice & Venting

I mean you’ve checked his texts and he hasn’t cheated, I think you’re in the clear.
Personally I think you’re just not used to being loved and now that you have it you're very skeptical and think there’s a catch because you’ve been Pavlov dogged into being mistrustful of men (which is fair enough, they can be assholes)

I’d say to treasure this relationship and hold onto it as tightly as possible, because what you have, plenty of nonas here would kill to have.

He's suspiciously tolerant to your cringe paranoid bullshit, something doesn't seem right. Its like he's intentionally ignoring the red flags, no one is that desperate.

Nona if you’re so suspicious about the necklace why don’t you just ask him where he got it? You can also frame it as a cute conversation starter, so you suspicions don’t get exposed.

curb your control freakness
my bf used to check my phone and then do a fucking letsplay youtube commentary on my dms out loud and it was so fucking weird and annoying.

>>124190
Couples really give each other their passwords? Crazy

i love cc cause i always find out there’s girls just as crazy as me in this world

>>124192
This. He's damaged. Break up with him.

>>124190
Dump him.

>>124204
>>124190
Do you have these types of fears or paranoia in other aspects of your life? It might be worth seeking treatment for these types of things.
I think you're just making a big fuss out of nothing.

>>124205
i think there's 2 possibilities
>nona has been traumatized previously and needs to unlearn this behavior
>nona really is right that something is wrong but dealing with it poorly/can't comprehend what it is exactly and tell the whole story
A mix of these can be true but I don't feel like questioning anyone rn

>>124207
When I was in high-school I was in a long term relationship the moid I fell in love with slowly became a porn addict throught the 3 years we dated. At graduation he cheated on me with one of my friends. I think that fucked me up. So I don't trust moids.
This moid I know he doesn't watch porn, when we started dating he offered me to stay at his apartment when I had finals or midterms since his apartment is closer to our uni, than my house, I agreed and offered to pay the internet bill, he studies pharmaceutical chemistry and isn't interested in tech content so he agreed for Ms to pay the internet bill and change the service under my name…
Aka I can see what he searches if I ask the internet provider I did and well I wasn't disappointed he doesn't watch porn, but he sometimes consumes uhm erotic novels which I kinda find cute. He is weird that's why I think he is too good to be true. He is nerdy but doesn't have an obsession to anything. He told me most people find him really plain and boring. I can see why but honestly I don't mind.
I really like that he is organized it's the most attractive thing about him. Plus I'm amazed he isn't a religious nut head, moids like him mostly are like that.

>>124190
I mean, my first bf and I had a very peaceful breakup and are still very good friends to this day (it's been years since we split), and neither of us has absolutely any feelings for the other, we've grown to be very different people anyway. We both still keep stuff we gifted each other back then because why wouldn't we? Like why would I discard the perfectly adorable yellow teddy he gave just because we're not together? She's mine and she's adorable and I love her, atp it has nothing to do with him being the giver. Idk about your bf but many people keep stuff from previous relationships because they legitimately like the item itself and don't think about it in relation to the person who gave it to them.

>>124190
You suck as his gf. Release him for another nona

>>124209
Ok, this is understandable now. But you too have to understand nona, this attitude isn't very fair towards your partner, especially after he proved himself time and time again.
Is it weird that he seems too good to be true? Maybe, but the mature way of going about this isn't to judge everything he does under scrutiny and you are kinda supposed to have trust in your relationship, otherwise it's not a very good one. If he gives you a real, legitimate reason to suspect himself of wrongdoing, okay. But please don't make someone pay for something someone else did.

>>124207
While it's possible that there is "something wrong," I don't think it's anything worth making a big deal out of. IMO that probability is low enough that the best course of action is to keep enjoying things as is and taking the loss if it turns out poorly. It's better than OP ruining things on their own (because clearly they are unable to handle these things).
>>124209
>moid
>erotic novels
You're dating an FTM. That's why something feels off. It's highly unlikely that a moid would ever READ porn unless it had pictures (unless they are gay or some sort of extreme sexual deviant).
Alternatively this is a LARP and OP has no idea what men are like.

>>124190
First things first: how do you even got the idea to ask for the code of his phone?

>>124192
He don't give the code: he is hiding something!
He give the code: this isn't normal!

>>124215 it's not lapping and his a CIS-male BUT his dad is a doctor and his specialty is neurology and also has a masters in neuroscience *I don't really understand how that works and I haven't ask lol
Early on in our relationship I asked him about that type of behavior he basically told me his dad got his masters by doing a research paper on porn addiction and when he started puberty his dad educated him in the dangers of any type of addiction from porn to drugs. Also he told me porn is to loud for him and hurts his ears, I believe him, I've seen him physically cringe at loud events and movie theaters some times he even brings ear plugs to the movies.
His family is really good. I enjoy spending time with his parents I've only met them twice but both experiences I found them really enjoyable.
He is kind of a sexual deviant he likes if I choke him in bed and if I dig my nails in his skin and stuff like that.
>>124210 yeah but he didn't end things amicably with her why would he have paraphernalia that could remind him of her?? That's weird or am I crazy?
>>124212 NO,FUCK OFF
>>124246 Saw a tiktok about micro cheating and got paranoid after seeing it. But after looking at his phone if I ommit that ex gf part he speaks really well of me and I kinda feel like a bad gf when I get paranoid about this.
He is a moid and fucks up from time to time but at least he is mature enough to own up to it and change. Btw he is 22 yrs old I'm 24.

>>124190
Im sorry nona but its pretty obvious hes cheating on you and covered his tracks so that he could lure you into a false sense of security and do god knows what to you. you need to ghost him now before he has the chance to hurt you.

>>124249
sounds like you're projecting your fears onto the relationship. i think it's worthwhile to at least learn to identify this impulse otherwise you will start to dislike him. he sounds like a great guy and not a sexual deviant at all really. good luck nona

get out while you can Nona, he sounds like a porn addicted loser who will cheat on you and abuse you (didnt read the OP, didn't need to. im right.)

>>124215
You may not want to belive it, but some moids are interested in romance and read things pertaining to it. My husband used to read erotic fanatic before we were together, he's not gay. Why do you think waifu anime shit exists?

UPDATE
IT GETS WORSEEE OMG!!!
SO TODAY HE GOT A TEXT MESSAGE FROM A UNREGISTERED PHONE NUMBERRR
THIS WHORE I HATE HER SO MUCH. WHAT ARE THE ODDS!!!
Her grandma died and went to my man for a sob story that her grandma would have love him to be there for her wake and funeral .
Okay I would like to give props to him before answering he basically texted me and explained the whole situation told me he wanted to go but obviously he wants me to go too, it's today at 4pm, I don't want to go and I don't want him to go. But also I kinda feel bad because he obviously liked her grandma and she was a good influence on him, he told me about it. So i can't tell him we shouldn't go because I don't have a good reason and I'll look like a horrible girlfriend if I tell him we shouldn't go…
>pic related stalked her Instagram since I know EXACTLY who she is now, don't care if I get doxed somehow

>>124356
well she could feel pretty cucked if she sees you with him i guess

>>124356
Seeing you with him is a great way to get that whore to fuck off

>>124356
I can't believe he would even consider doing that for his ex, especially considering how obviously uncomfortable about her you are.
That's really abusive behavior.

How about you just break up with him so he doesn't have to deal with your self sabotaging and paranoia? And you don't have to deal with it either. Win-Win situation. There may be something wrong with him but there is definitely something wrong with you. Seek psychiatric help now. You are too insecure and miserable.

>>124365
abusive? not even in the slightest
but if he was a good bf he would ask, and if nona said no, he wouldn't go

>>124190
You should let your paranoia eat at you until you cheat it on him then leave him, neither he or you deserves any happiness.

>>124190
>My BF is perfect so I'm looking for a reason to hate him and so my undiagnosed paranoia got the better of me, dear God, now I hate him! How could this possibly happen to me!
You sound like a fucking retard. Dump the poor man, let him date a real woman next time and check yourself into a mental hospital.

>>124406
I hate to break it to you but her man is exactly where he wants to be.

>>124405 20/20 vision nona. I won't cheat on him but something changed.
So update I'm going to break up with him, he didn't do anything wrong btw. We went to the wake and nothing happened it was just a normal funeral, his ex just thanked the both of us for coming and well it was a calm event. After that I kept searching and searching and I found nothing. But 3 days ago we were eating together and I realized he is really boring. He doesn't do anything exciting. We've been together for 7 months and we haven't fought or anything. He is just plain. He isn't uncaring and does nice things for me but outside of me and our relationship, he has such a boring life. He wakes up, showers, goes to college and job, goes to work out, sleeps. Rinse and repeat. That's my boyfriend a sack of nothing. I'm content ?¿ idk I feel nothing for him now. And I've felt like this for 2 days straight. No excitement when he kisses me or calls my name I fill nothing. I think I'm going to break up with him today. Just because he wasn't a shitty boyfriend, I'll take him to a restaurant and do it there and pay the bill.

>>124690
Good! I hope both you and he get everything you both deserve.

P.S: would it be worse if I took my stuff out of his apartment before we went to the restaurant or should I ask him about it later? Knowing him he will give it to me later at some point. Idk. Also the worst part about this is that I have to cancel the internet service of his apartment and basically make him pay for it from now on.
I really thought he would make me happy. Not just empty

>>124690
jesus. turns out you wanted to find something on him all along, I guess, just to find an excuse to leave him.

>>124692
Take it out beforehand

>>124690
you are stunningly retarded, unironically kill yourself

>>124710
Sounds like OP is from one of those countries where its too hot to think straight

>>124690
>And I've felt like this for 2 days straight.

Lmao

>>124690
When flawed - not perfect enough
When perfect - too perfect
Be honest with yourself, you just want someone to play power games with. Get a life nona.

>>124755
This is her life, and that's what's frightening.

>>124755
He wasn't perfect, just lacked flaws. The truth is OP is clearly still mentally developing and needs to go through retarded milestones like being a mean girl at high school or whatever. A wholesome chungus bf that doesn't have a personality is good if you're all grown up and resigned to making a family, but that's like making a teenager hang out with a toddler or grandpa instead of their peers.

>>124690
Good for him and glad someone else can have him. No wonder so many men think women are insane.

>>124690
Reading this made me visibly angry. I feel actual hate.

>>124190
>>124923
Reading your story really resonated with me. A few months ago I was dating what seemed like the perfect man. Smart, intelligent, respectful and everything I could have ever wished for. However I was insecure especially since he had been in a two year relationship before me. His ex girlfriend was drop dead gorgeous and I found myself constantly comparing myself to her. I would stalk her social media mention her name to him and do all sorts of things that I know frustrated him. Despite his obvious frustration I couldn’t stop. I was convinced that he only got into a relationship with me because it was so soon after his breakup. I even convinced myself that I was just a rebound.

There were times when he lied to me when there was no reason to and I noticed he was insecure about himself which made me sad because he was actually stunning and incredibly smart. Eventually I began to find him pretentious which was really disappointing since those were the qualities that initially attracted me to him.

When he broke up with me he said he couldn’t handle the emotional strain I was putting on him. We had been in a long distance relationship met online and I’d even met his family. I begged him to stay but my insecurity and emotional immaturity only made things worse. It’s been a while since the breakup and though we still talk I always text first and he replies quickly. I’m even moving to his city soon. I tried to reconcile things but he told me he didn’t want the relationship and I understand now.

I also saw that he followed his ex back on Instagram which made me doubt if he ever truly cared about me or if I was just a rebound. He seemed to care but I realize now that closure might just be a myth. It’s none of my business what he did to me now. It’s over and I truly understand that it is.

One important thing I’ve learned is to be patient and self-aware in relationships. Before getting into another relationship it’s important to understand your own insecurities and what you need emotionally. Don’t rush getting to know someone. Let the relationship grow naturally during the talking phase and take time to understand the person’s values, intentions and character. Most importantly focus on building your self-worth without needing validation from others. I’ve realized that the biggest mistake I made was letting someone else’s opinion of me be more important than how I see myself. Real growth comes from knowing your own worth and letting that guide your actions. Even though I still have feelings for him I’ve accepted that they’ll fade over time. Right now the most important relationship I need to focus on is the one I have with myself. I’m learning to take my time, reflect and grow before jumping into another relationship.

ps: It is raining here it feels really nice.