/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Being 'pretty' is tiresome. An expectation I think I'm always carrying. I am always called pretty, or something gets complimented, but in the back of my head, I think, "well, I have a fun personality too, y'know." If it isn't that it's strange men treating me like a commodity or something to be conquered. I can't complain about it, cause it's something I actively choose to maintain, simply because life is a bit easier this way. It's strange because I also don't even feel pretty. My face is just flesh, fat, and bone, like every other part of my body. Some days, I want to never shower, or do my hair, or makeup. I want to stop taking care of my skin. Sometimes I want to be hideous. Sometimes I want to go back to being obese and unwanted, because the only expectation was to at the very least be clean. But I guess it doesn't matter. I view myself the same as I always have.