/feels/ - Advice & Venting

>>126179
I'm so sorry for your situation. I wouldn't know what advice to give, but I also struggle with self-teaching so much. I hate myself and blame it on laziness, but really I think it's just being overwhelmed and paralysed by the fear of failure.

>>126182
It's validating that others struggle with self-teaching too.It's easy to fall into the trap of self-hatred, and blame these struggles on laziness. However,making an effort to teach oneself is not lazy. Instead,it reflects ingenuity, resourcefulness, and dedication. In the realm of education, not everyone has equal access to resources. For example, while some have the means for private tutors, others have to make do with freely available resources. This creates an uneven playing field. Not to mention, one's capacity for learning can be impacted by their environment, intellectual disability,trauma, malnourishment, and so forth. It's understandable to be overwhelmed by the sheer volume of information when learning a new subject. It absolutely makes sense for a fear of failure to create a mental block. The difference between laziness, and avoidance is the root cause of the behavior:lazy people do not do something because they don't feel it, whereas an avoidant person is trying not to confront their discomfort.

>>126179
>>126179
>I struggle immensely with self-teaching mathematics and hard science
Hey, don't worry, I finished school and I still really suck at algebra and chemistry, my 12 year old cousin unironically mogs me in those subjects (admittedly they're a special interest of hers but still). I only did well in Physics when it was about planet stuff (I loove the planetarium, I failed the other physics stuff though lol, I started reading the manga guide to electricity to catch up) and I only still know biology because I like sports and gardening and manga like "Cells at Work" kept me interested in the cellular stuff.

I think it's really cool that you're taking steps to freshen up your education; don't let the formal education stuff nag on your self-esteem, a lot of school grading is less about knowing things and more about putting in an effort. Besides that, everyone has subjects they're better and worse at, everybody starts somewhere and most people generally don't expect advanced knowledge on subjects when you're not working in that field. It's probably harder when you're doing self-education and feeling like you're the only one who's struggling but in school you'd see a lot of others struggling too, it's a normal part of education, nobody is a natural at everything. One of my friends studies physics and never did homework nor required reading for school, avoiding that stuff by reading summaries and copying someone else's homework. Ofc she also had to pass exams to advance on her grade, but it's not unusual to have a lot of last minute learning involved in that only to forget a lot about the subjects after a few weeks post-exams. And exams were only a part of the grade, back in middle school I did well in exams usually but my grades still suffered from me being late, not properly participating in class and rarely doing my homework, without having friends to copy homework from back then.
>Resources
Personally, I've enjoyed the service by https://www.khanacademy.org/math to brush up on my algebra (I personally prefer the app because it loads faster for me, but the website is probably the same).
For history and hard science stuff, I like to watch high-rated documentaries on local multimedia centre websites. I'm German though, so I'm more familiar with sites like the ARD Mediathek, but I know that the US also has free sites like that. PBS is aimed at education specifically and looks very neat:
https://www.pbslearningmedia.org/grades/6-8/?rank_by=popularity&selected_facet=media_type:Collection&selected_facet=subject:8337
(Some of the videos could be region locked, but I was able to access content despite not being in the US so it's probably fine.)
I also made a post on how I keep up with news stuff at >>>/b/313201 but idk if you're interested in tech news and you probably already know calibre…
If you don't mind some piracy, I think this site is quite useful: https://champagne.pages.dev/
(It links some free documentary sites in the general entertainment section and some ai stuff (yeah, overreliance on ai isn't good, but it helped me with getting into coding tbh, I try to avoid vibe coding though).)
I also found this reddit thread with suggestions for self-education https://www.reddit.com/r/education/comments/js2r0f/resources_for_adults_who_never_received_an/ and I think that libraries are also a great place for studying and finding more resources. Many public libraries offer help when it comes to learning and applying to places and stuff (just ask the librarians for what resources they offer, they're not always good at advertising them) and some public libraries even offer the usage of music instruments if that's something you might be interested in.

>I'm insecure about my lack of schooling.
>Perhaps the adage 'insecurity blinds one to their greatness' is true
Yes, it's 100% true!
One of my cousins has an inferiority complex when it comes to her intelligence and even though she's doing well for herself as an artist, she still laments about how she thinks she's not good enough and her siblings are all better and doing better than her (not at all the case, she's extremely creative, talented and smart (formal degree doesn't equal intelligence and intelligence doesn't equal worth) and her designs are amazing, she also casually does singing gigs on the side).
I find that people who haven't completed a traditional education often overestimate how much advanced, difficult subjects children learn and know and really underestimate how much they themselves already know. A big part of school education is really the social aspect of just getting along with peers (my school sucked at handling that, cuz I got bullied).
My school never really taught me internet stuff either, my grandma taught me about it and since you're here and talking about your educational efforts by downloading a plethora of books apparently, I'd assume that you're probably more advanced when it comes to just navigating the web than some of the people I went to school with.

>>126182
>I struggle
>hate myself and blame it on lazyness
>but really I think it's just being overwhelmed and paralysed by the fear of failure.
Indeed, I agree with what >>126183 said, it's not really laziness if you're struggling and paralysed by a mental block.
I don't have diagnosed anxiety nor ADHD but I find that some resources for those can be useful for people's mental health in general, like the stuff about Executive Dysfunction, being kind to yourself and working on ways to follow your own plans while handling anxiety and the feeling of being overwhelmed by breaking things into small steps, changing your environment, approaching things more slowly, stuff like that. What helps will depend on the person but for me, I work much better when I just have someone else to work with or alongside with, even if that's just strangers at the library when I study there. The change of environment helps too. Also, addressing the fear of failure, like, what does failure mean to you? Wouldn't there be a second attempt or another good thing you can do instead if this attempt at whatever you're working on doesn't work out? Also, the economy sucks right now and everyone is at a different starting position, so even if you struggle, don't self-internalise it all as your fault, things in society really could be better… Like, taking responsibility for bettering your life and trying your best is one thing, but you're already doing that and I think you can and should take pride in it.

>>126186
Despite everyone having their strengths and weaknesses, and advanced knowledge in subject not being necessary for the layman, it is demoralizing to not have the algebraic ability to pass secondary school math courses. Unfortunately, no amount of hardwork has lead to meaningful progress in this domain. Even though dyscalculia exists, the myth of not being a "maths person" is problematic to me. It comes down to the quality of maths instruction, alongside the attitudes instilled in you towards math. Obviously, not every secondary school graduate is proficient in algebra. In fact, in many western countries mathematics performance is declining.

I am grateful for resources, unfortunately, I'm familiar with everything listed.Thank you for the effort anyway; it's much appreciated. Need not feel bad, I neglected to state I have an extensive list of resources I compiled.

I'm glad that you mentioned public libraries. Although, it's true that some public libraries offer workshops, tutoring, classes, and other resources, my public library is barebones.

Regardless of these resources not being relevant to me, I hope that it will help another adult learner. God bless sharing this information.

With that out of the way, I have an abundance of information I have yet to make use of. My problem lies in navigating a poorly funded adult education system. Not having equivalency is creating immense issues for me. Essentially, I'm unable to progress in life: lots of jobs are inaccessible to those with less than a secondary school diploma, and universities often gatekeep access to higher education for those without a secondary school diploma. Although, it is likely I can go to university a mature student, the standard admissions require specific secondary school credits.
The quality of adult education is abysmal. Society does not see the economic benefit of uplifting adult learners. What this means for me is I am trapped with obsolete correspondence courses without guidance, despite it wreaking havoc on my wellbeing. As an educational neglect survivor, who was denied enrollment to secondary school by my parent for being"retarded", trying to overcome these challenges in a system that does not support me is exhausting.

It's well understood that learning is hindered when in a survival state. For me, formal education is a necessity. Certainly, those who find themselves in a similar predicament should have compassion for themselves. It's not their fault that they are behind, but it is their responsibility. Coming to terms with being dealt a hand of cards that inevitably lead to me being an uneducated adult is something that I struggle to make peace with. It's no random chance that I have less than a secondary school diploma, as family environment, socioeconomic status, parental education attainment, et cetera, determine the likelihood that someone will graduate.

I haven't done any schooling since I was 14. I have passable verbal intelligence, and that fools people because my words are all they're interacting with, but I have middle school level knowledge in mathematics, science, everything else.

Ultimately I think I'm just built for unskilled work, for the same set of personal flaws that had me drop out of school in the first place.

>>126190
Unskilled labor is important. Earning an honest living with a menial job is commendable. It's okay to not excel in skilled trades, or regulated occupations. After all, these unskilled jobs are often essential to the functioning of society, we cannot all be white-collar workers.

For those who are deficient in mathematics and science,which rely heavily on critical thinking, abstract thinking, and problem solving skills, the ability to present your ideas verbally and in writing coherently is a mask. Admittedly, this feels like hiding that you are an imbecile. However, imposter syndrome causes you to feel like you are a fraud even when you are successful.

Although the circumstances of anon are unclear, I sense that they have low self-esteem based on how they are talking about themself. A minor who dropped out is in crisis. A well-supported teenager does not make such a life-changing decision. Not to mention, when a teenager drops out, their parent, or guardian has to be okay with their decision. In a household where education is valued, and the parents are in tune with their childrens needs, dropping out would not be on the table. It is okay to grieve the opportunities you lost for not graduating high school, but enduring struggle does not make you worthless.

>>126191
>the ability to present your ideas verbally and in writing coherently is a mask
It's not inherently a mask, it's its own skill.
I know people who are well-versed in math but really struggle to convey the most basic information in a comprehensive manner.