/feels/ - Ive resent my bf for years

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Ive resent my bf for years Anonymous 10/27/25 (Mon) 05:07:11 AM126195

I resent my bf.

I met him back when we were both 16, when we started to date each other, he seemed like a unique and honest guy, who i was truly falling in love with, we even got to know pretty early on that this was gonna be both our first serious relationship.

During one of our late night calls, he was at this birthday party with some friends of his, so our call ended sooner than usual. Couple of days later, we started dating for reals as a couple, and just a few weeks later I learned that on "that night" he kinda screwed with one of his closest friends. This led to a whole heated up argument that day, which eventually ending up in me still wanting to be with him.

Years later, I still havent forgotten about any of it. Ive become the most insecure version of myself ive ever known, whenever hes out i cant control my anxiety panics, i havent tell him anything, but i cant do anything but remember how i felt that day. I know this is all stupid, that i shouldnt make a big deal out of it, i know but i cant not think about it. and iknow that i cant really blame him for anything, since we werent a couple that day (we began the day after), he even apologized and cut friendships with that girl, but how could someone be telling me such delicate and romantic things on that call during that day, while at the same time thinking about getting intimate with someone else than me? How are men such incapable of perceiving love as us? Why arent they capable of not behaving like animals? I dont get it. I thought i wouldve forget it by now, i thought time healed everything, but every passing day i feel worse, i do still love him, but i also resent him SO much for it

Anonymous 10/27/25 (Mon) 10:49:48 AM126205

>>126195
It's possible to be in love with one person and also have some sexual attraction to someone else, especially in the early stages of a relationship when you're just starting out. One of my friends felt this way about a guy she met even though she was already dating someone else, but she decided to let go of those feelings because she loves her boyfriend and wouldn't want to hurt him like that. It was a fleeting sort of attraction and she never intended to do anything with it. Some people never feel this way about others while in a relationship, but if someone does, it doesn't mean they'll just cheat on their partner. It'd be a cruel and frankly stupid thing to do. Even if things are not going well in a relationship, normal people will break up (if they can/aren't in an abusive relationship) instead of cheating. For one, because most people wouldn't want to hurt their partner and also because being a known cheater has the potential to endanger future relationships.
>screwed with one of his closest friends
Sounds like he'd wanted to have sex with her for a while and wanted to do it before he couldn't anymore, presumably because he doesn't want to cheat. You can have sex with someone without it being that romantic, although a friendship can feel similar I suppose. I'd imagine that this step messed with their friendship anyway though. Probably also made it easy to cut ties with her.
>I resent him SO much for it
>I haven't told him anything
He did apologise and cut ties with that girl, but imagine if you confronted him now. Is there anything he could say to ease your worries? Anything he could do? Or just listen and be empathetic?
>I've become the most insecure
Can that one instance really do that? Did he ever flirt with anyone else in front of you or said things about being able to get with other women easily? Bragging about anything even close to that he could be a player if he wanted to? If yes, that's a definite red flag, but if not, he's probably fine, right? Maybe you should tell him about your insecurities regardless. In fact, why haven't you talked to him about it? Do you think he'll blame you for feeling that way, for not being able to let go, are you worried about him being angry about it? If you convey that you do think that he did his best there and that it's really about you and your insecurities and wanting him to support you to ease your anxiety you can't seem to let go of, he should have nothing to be upset about. It's not something he can just "fix" but for me, I'd want my boyfriend to know, I wouldn't feel good about something that worries me so much to just be invisible to someone so close to my heart…