/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Hey nona. Do you have loved ones that can give you support? Do you eat well, are you sleeping enough etc etc. CPTSD can interfere with all of the above.

>I genuinely don't know how to get my shit together and do well in uni, because there's no one breathing down my back and forcing me to do stuff. I'm genuinely useless when left to my own devices.
This is fairly normal if you have developed CPTSD. So is laying in bed all day. This is happening because CPTSD is a nervous system injury - it gets tired easily, has a hard time recovering. So when you get breathed down your back your system is mobilizing the last of its resources to avoid more pain. So I wonder do you really have to work and study at the same time? This seems a bit harsh for you nona. You need more rest.

It's also possible, but not likely you have other health conditions that might be messing with you. I was an undiagnosed epileptic till 19 because nobody could tell until I had an obvious seizure. But epilepsy is a disorder that can make you have OCD/autism/ADHD/schizophrenia/depression like symptoms due to so called partial seizures - and nobody will investigate it until it's obvious. So sometimes I wonder how many people like me there are out there whose underlying issues go unnoticed.

idk why I said not likely in regards to other health conditions. disregard that. I guess I meant to say they probably are secondary to your CPTSD but it's worth checking still

>>126299
You're still only 19 noona, don't be so hard on yourself. I had debilitating cptsd too and it took me years to process the worst of it, emotional flashbacks and all that, it's genuinely hard and I really feel for you.
I myself did pretty badly in uni, dropped out and learnt a trade instead. Went back to uni (I ended up studying something else) and made it my number 1 priority to just make friends first and foremost because that's what really motivates me to go to any place, without that I really can't get out of bed either and even with that it's a struggle. Or it was, at least. I'm doing pretty well now actually, but it took me a while to get there.
You're still just a teen, nona, be gentle and kind with yourself, you definitely need it. I hope you have people who can and will support you and if you don't, that you'll find them, whether within the people you know or whether it's someone new.
>>126300
Yeah, I agree with that. But your last paragraph, idk. I had depression, cptsd and lots of dissociation and hyperarousal, typical trauma stuff. Never any seizures. But I have a friend who has epilepsy, so I guess it's better to be safe than sorry. She's been really struggling too but she's in the last semester with me, she's really cool.

>>126300
hii this is op!
i'm required by my parents to both work and study. i work approx 20-28 hours each week and also study full time. i'm currently 'at risk' at uni because i already failed two subjects last semester, and i'm on track to fail at least one more this semester. i feel really lazy for resting, and my parents don't like me staying at home doing nothing, so i'm just constantly exhausted.
I don't have any other health issues - my ocd makes me get checkups frequently.
i don't really have any family to reach out to, i'm just trying to work on moving out, but it's hard to take a break from work or uni to get my shit together since my parents would lose their minds if i did.

>>126305
hiii :)
thank you so much for the advice!
it's hard coming to terms with doing so badly considering i've been a straight A student my whole life, but i guess my issues had to catch up with me at some point. better sooner than later i guess.
thank you for the kind words and advice :) much love<33

>>126299
>i'm struck with this debilitating fear that this is all I'll ever amount to
Sounds like catastrophising. Maybe check out this: https://www.healthline.com/health/cognitive-distortions#catastrophizing
My cptsd and personality disorder really led to some distorted thinking and I had to get used to just challenge my own thoughts when that happens because sometimes, you're just stuck in that way of thinking where you think that pessimism is realism because your life just sucked and the worst outcome feels emotionally true and inevitable because your nervous system is just wrecked that way… But it definitely won't stay that way noona, I promise! Intellectually knowing that some of your thinking is a bit distorted by bad experiences and low self-esteem helps a little, but emotions just need more time to catch up with the intellectual stuff. Be patient with yourself, it's okay, you'll get better for sure, it just takes a bit of time.
>because I simply cannot deal with myself enough to do uni.
Depression will do that to you, I couldn't get out of bed for the most simple things for a while, it was so damn hard to just get up, I tried to just roll out of bed to hit the floor and damn, it didn't help either. Sometimes you're just so done… there are good and bad days ofc, days where things are just easier but really, motivating yourself to get up will also be easier over time as you heal.
I sometimes still feel a bit like I just wanna stay glued to my bed, but… I can actually just get up quickly these days if it's necessary. It's not like it used to be, now I can just get up when I want to and the want is enough to make me move. But I do remember times when it wasn't that way and damn, I really feel for you noona…
What I can say in retrospect to all that is that I beat myself up too much and I really didn't have to and you don't have to do that either, please please noona be kind to yourself, you deserve so much kindness after everything and you really deserve it from yourself. It may sound appealing to just beat yourself into shape so you can get up and do what needs to be done, but that maybe works one time and what ends up happening is that you just beat yourself up and it doesn't help at all, at least that's how it was for me. Sometimes you just need to give yourself the time and gentle care you need, to take a day off and just go outside and feel the sunlight without pressure of responsibilities, or even at night if you can't stand the eyes of people on you, but really, whatever is good for your body and mind.
I looked into adhd resources and executive function, analysis paralysis, mental barriers… I tried different things to tackle it and I found that no method really stuck for me 100%, but trying out new methods helped anyway, not all the time, but a little. The only thing that works for me consistently is having other people there I want to impress and be better for so I tried to get people to come over and just help me with the basic stuff. Studying and learning isn't hard for me, but damn if it wasn't hard to get out of bed, take out the study materials and actually read them and employ the learning methods that work for me (I learn best visually). Had to break it all into steps to take off the emotional edge of sitting down or find ways to study spontaneously wherever to get over the hurdle of thinking I need hours to prepare when really, I can do either kind of studying, just gotta try things out to see what works when.

I was in your position my first year. To the point I had to write a letter about all my issues to get my financial support back. You need to access your university resources, such as Counseling and Psychological services. It should be either free or really cheap (under 60 bucks), you can get to be medicated (which sounds scary but is better than ending up an alcoholic/another addict later on in life or just becoming a burn out).

Focus on that. Really, don't jump into a relationship because it makes you feel good unless analyzing it as well as a 19 year old can. I did that mistake and now I'm at square 1 in my senior year of uni. Make friends though and get to feel comfortable with your professors and environment, even if you feel like a fuck up. You are 19, many people do.

If you have the counseling services and a person who is treating you medically you can ask for accessibility in your university. You can also access this service if your meeting an outside doctor as well. This could give you more leeway, deadline extensions, and just a general understanding given to your professors about a very face value of your health. Also if things slip too far out of hand and you depends on grants/scholarships/pell grant/etc. they can write to financial services that you are a student that needs extra help and your circumstance and diagnoses, and to get you out of the bureaucratic issues of failing classes.

This is all from an American perspective so I don't know your situation. These are general steps you can take at an American University/college if you want to stay in Uni and to get help.

I've heard Asian households can make getting mental health care difficult, like it's shameful. Your parents won't be notified that your using Counseling resources. They only could maybe be notified about anything if you take the route of medication (as an intake assessment might be routed to your insurance company and also prescriptions, but they would be general labels). You could choose to use insurance or not, depends on how fearful you are. You can always ask these people about costs, and they should get a billing person to speak to you. If you're going no insurance route you can use GoodRX coupons on medications.

These are some of the steps I had to take at your age. Please do them sooner than later. There's probably other things to do like study groups, etc. that could combat the inability to work if no one is watching you as well, or just lock yourself in your university's library till you do necessary tasks.

Again, DO NOT see how much worst this can take you. You are in a really good spot to get help in your first year. If you do not get help and don't have any plans of a crazy way to change your life you probably will be stuck in the muck your in. The biggest thing right now (if your at Risk in a university system) is to get people in your court. Get a counselor who can write letters to the university, reach out to the doctor you see for OCD for also letters about your condition. Get people on your side and it can help greatly. Get accessibility. You are granted these fail safes without much pressure, use them. (again american perspective blah blah)

>>126312
hi nona! this is op!
1. thank you so much for taking time to respond to my post, i really appreciate it.
2. I've been to counselling services and been set up with an academic adjustment plan, but they really didn't do much else besides that. I've also sent emails to professors due to missed assignments or tutorials, but I just feel kinda greedy getting too many special considerations or grants. So i've been really conservative with those, because there's only so much extensions can do when the real problem is just me.
3. I was medicated on lexapro, and then setraline, but I was forcefully taken off it because my parents 'don't like me taking meds,' and refuse to help me find other GPs or Psychologists to get me back on, since I'm out of sessions with my past psychs and my main GP is on leave for a long time. I'm aware that I can do it myself since I'm an adult, but it's just hard and I don't know where to look and stressful accounting for everything else in my life. They also don't really believe in mental health either, and I can't talk to them about my mental health since they are the causes of it and since they think that I'm like this simply because I'm lazy and don't want to get better. I tried to talk to my mom about my OCD and she just told me to hit the gym and sleep better lol.
4. i'm currently working so my main goal is to just save up and get at least uni accoms, maybe getting out of this environment will help greatly with my mental health, who knows.
Thank you again for the response<3 big love

Maybe consider going to uni part time instead of full time? It might make the work load easier despite going to college for a longer time. Heck, it'll cut down the costs for sure though