/feels/ - Advice & Venting

>>126416
This sounds somewhat familiar. Are you latina?

>>126416
do you have trauma/abusive relationships? if you have trauma chaos and problems will feel more at home with your nervous system. things like safety and calm could make you feel bored or unsatisfied. keep trying then for the relationship and get therapy and good community/things to do and work on.

or u think hes ugly and got the ick, idk

>>126417
>>126421
These nonas make good points.
Try getting him to argue with or demean you. If that gives the reaction you're waiting for, then you know your issue and can work on it.

I relate, except I made the mistake of marrying him. I thought if I tried hard enough it would get better. I thought it may get better with time. I thought it was just a me-issue. I even thought I may be a lesbian or asexual myself. I thought many things and entirely blamed myself. Now I have come to realise that I am simply not attracted to him and I do not love him romantically. No matter how badly I wish to change my feelings, I just can't. I can't properly express the guilt I feel over this. I really feel terrible for wasting his time. So , my advice to you is honestly break up with him if you can. I know it feels awful, but if you're not very attracted to him just end it. Learn from my mistake!

>>126426
Why can't you be with someone you like just because you don't have romantic feelings? Does it cause any specific issues?

>>126427
one reason is because you will have to see that person every day and tolerate their quirks. meaning, this generally requires a way higher attachment than mere liking or dating out of convenience.
another thing is, what happens once you meet someone you actually like romantically?

>>126426
not trying to be rude but how do you let it get that far? is it just people freak out when they turn thirty and settle for whatever is there?

>>126426
Had something similar happen. He was an objectively good person, we had fun, we shared interests, his family was nice and kind, he never pressured me to do stuff I didn't want to, etc. his only "problem" was that he wasn't really good at listening or offering emotional support when things were bad (like when one of my cats died he just went "oh…" or something), but other than that he was a kind man. I liked him and all but I didn't love him, I remember hugging him on our second date and thinking "is this it? is this what love is supposed to feel like? cause it's so… empty". I really, really tried, when together with friends I'd try to look at him from afar, try to see him in a new light that'd make me truly fall in love (like "well, I guess he looks kinda cute, and his hair is clean and nice, and he has a cute smile, I guess???), or when he wore new clothes, or whenever he helped me with something, or gifted me a cute plushie of my favorite animal, I don't know, anything, but it didn't happen. Even the idea of having sex with him repulsed me, like I had no problem doing other stuff but the idea of actual PIV made me recoil, so we never did. For a long, LONG time I thought I was asexual and that I was the broken one, that I'd grow out of it and start loving him and we would be happy and all, but it just wouldn't happen, on the contrary, something just never fully clicked. I liked hanging out with him but it wasn't exciting, I didn't really look forward to it, and the more we were together the more I wanted to find excuses to not see him because I didn't want to bother thinking of how to fill all that time. It came to a point where I kept thinking I just wanted to go home already whenever we did see each other, and eventually I didn't really feel much when kissing him either. Another thing I noticed is that I never felt truly free to be myself with him, often thought "shouldn't I feel like I can be myself the same way I can when I'm with my friends? isn't a boyfriend like higher in the ladder, and if anything he's the man I should be the most comfortable and open with? then why can't I?" as well as realizing that if I loved him I would have very much wanted to fuck him, but I didn't. It's like I knew he wasn't "the one".

Covid came, it gave me the perfect excuse to not see him, but I realized that even if we were apart it was cruel of me to hold the girlfriend title if I didn't love him, that I should free him. I did really, really care for him, a lot, just not love him. We eventually broke up but in a very peaceful manner and 5 years later we're actually really good friends who talk almost daily and our moms still like each other lol, but yeah, I don't know what it was, specially since I have fallen in love and I do very much have sexual desires, so I'm not aroace or anything, he just… wasn't it. For some reason. And it sucked cause again, he was and still is kind but it just never went beyond "I like you" for me.

>>126417
and not OP but I am latina, yeah