Just one more year. What should I do? Anonymous 126476
I'm stuck in a weird position.
When I newly turned 17, I met with a 30 year old guy from 4chan because I was lonely and wanted a friend. We had some common interests in games. We hung out at the arcade and in the same year, I went to his house to play co-op. However, the friendship was short lived as he asked me to be his girlfriend right after. I was young and stupid, I saw no issue with him. He was unfit and never had a girlfriend before, I never had a boyfriend before. So I thought I should give him a chance.
It's been 1 and a 1/2 years now. Due to feeling unsafe at home, as soon as I turned 18, I moved out to this dude's house. He said he'd support me. So I moved and enrolled to a highschool near his house.
Over time, living with him, I began to pick up on things that do not sit right with me.
Firstly, he has figurines of some anime girls that troubled me from the very first time I came over, but I thought I should just overlook it. Figurines of miku, vtubers and Fate characters. He has plushes of vtubers, his profile picture is a vtuber. He admits that he likes vtubers but doesn't watch them anymore. Yet when I criticise them for milking money from men he opposed me.
Things that disgust me include him loving the anime 'yuru yuri' a show common among lolicons, loving the soundtrack of 'yuru yuri', he downloaded all of them and calling the government 'woke' because the age for marriage is 18. Other than this, I told him I do not use twitter, but everyday, I check what he has posted and who he recently follows. When I checked his following for the first time, I burst into tears. It was anime porn artist after anime porn artists. Most of his following was that. Yet checking his recently followed, he still actively interacts with these anime porn artists. When he shows me something on twitter, he's very wary and cautious of ever scrolling too much, and when he accidently does - it's all vtubers and ecchi drawings of anime girls. Last night, I checked his following again, and I cried again discovering he followed 20 more disgusting anime artists.
The worst thing is, these anime porn artists also draw porn of underage characters… in other words loli. It's a trend I've noticed across the artists he indulges in.
I feel so stupid, I was too young and dumb to notice this before I lived with him. And now I'm stuck with this borderline pedophile. I should've picked it up when I told him my real age and he said "15 is legal and you looked above 15". I now know for certain that this man is only being prevented by the law. I feel so stupid.
Now everytime I go out with him to walk at the park or the city, I'm always wary of him being near children, trying to hinder any path or place that is near children. I'm especially paranoid because I was sexually abused as a child. Even when watching movies with child actors in it, I get on the fucking verge of crying, I feel like closing my eyes or looking away. I can't handle the thoughts of the man next to me looking at them in disgusting ways.
I also feel like a cuck when he shows me his stupid overwatch skins and shows me which ones are attractive on which female characters. I don't fucking care if that female character looks better in the skimpy chun li outfit because they have a huge ass or something dude.
I still have next year left of school before I graduate, and my education is important to me. I need to live another year with this dude before I can get a job and live somewhere else while also paying for my university.
I can't fucking trust men anymore. I can't believe I fell for the stereotypical lolicon 4chan fatass. And it's so putrid to say this but I fucking love him. In my life, he's the only one I can depend on right now. But he doesn't realise that his noncey actions are pedophilic and harmful. He just follows whatever polfag trend and loves to look at young aesthetically pleasing bonerino anime porn, that's all he is to himself. I feel so disgusted at myself that I get horny by him, that I still give him the pleasure of intimacy and sex. I feel disgusted at myself for kissing him every night all over his face, for telling him that he is cute and loveable.
I'm just so fucking desperate for love and to give love. I'm losing my mind because of this. I'm going to school less because I can't get out of bed. I'm performing worse. It's clear to me that he only sees females in this manner, and can never respect them as human beings. When we were browsing the voice actors for a movie, he called a woman 'demon' for looking unattractive. I couldn't believe that. And it's not the first time, he cringes everytime he sees an unattractive female character/actor on tv.
This fucking guy. He's approximately 250 pounds. I actually put in effort to stay fit by running and walking, everytime I tell this grown ass man to exercise he says he cant be bothered or he has an overwatch match. The fact that he's not embarrassed to be told to exercise and have a sense of responsibility by a teenager, tells me that he has no mental maturity or impulse control. My other main concern is that when I leave him, he will kill himself, and I only wouldn't want that because his mom is too nice and cares for him a lot. Other than that I do not care. The process will be a slow and painful one. But I know for certain that I don't want to spend my life always on pins and needles. I can't ever trust him to have children with me.
Nonas, never fucking fall for the internet pressure to give these guys a chance. Let them moan, whine and insult women however they like, just as long as they die alone with their stupidity. You give them all the love they begged for and they keep dehumanising us.
How can I mitigate the mental torment while I endure another year?
Anonymous 126478
>>126476>YuruLoser or not, if he were a threat to real children he'd be watching mitsudomoe and murder drones
Anonymous 126479
I'm sorry but I don't understand. How can you know all this about him and still let him touch you without literally throwing up. I'm not even judging, I just don't get it.
Anonymous 126482
Lie lie lie. Weird im saying this on this site, but take some cues from Cardi B. She outright stole from the John's she was with before her music career took off. Do what you need to do to survive and secure your future. Keep reminding yourself that hes an immature pedo with no discipline or morals. You're not his mother. Do whatever you gotta do to keep a roof over your head but do not fawn over this man. Unfortunately fawning is a trauma response, so look at it as your mind and heart doing what it needs to in order to survive. Get your money up and network now. Maybe try to find some like minded women to become roommates with, but ofc let it happen naturally. If he dies don't let it affect you. Again. You're not his mother. Don't feel bad because that's one less pedophile on the planet. Fr fr
Anonymous 126483
>>126482ALSO! Save as much money as you can. Get a job and keep whatever funds you earn a secret away from this moid
Anonymous 126485
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>>126479I do feel sick when I remind myself of all the information I've gathered about him, there's always an overwhelming feeling of sadness and puke running to my throat. I don't understand myself either, I have nobody else to love and my sex drive is higher than ever since my irregular periods. He also actually listens to me, unlike everyone else in my life. I'm emotionally attached to him.. There was a moment when I was drunk where I was so agitated by the mixed thoughts of him that I was determined to just choke him to death, he managed to get me off him and was angry.
>>126482>>126483Thank you nona (;﹏;) unfortunately I don't get an allowance or any money and I'm too busy with my studies so I can get into a scientific major. I only receive groceries and necessities like socks and school material…
I WILL STOP FAWNING!
I've tried to abstain myself, but it only lasted 3 days at best… I'll try to keep myself busy.
Anonymous 126486
youre such a pathetic cocksucker
Anonymous 126488
>>126478I can see him doing that, he probably has, just too ashamed to tell me.
>>126486>>126487I am. I lick the ground for any affection or attention I can get. I am filthy. Not even my teachers or classmates want to ever talk to me or help me, I feel that they can sense that I'm a putrid whore who willingly serves disgusting adults.
Anonymous 126489
>>126488>>126485 Whatever you do, DO NOT GET PREGNANT WITH THIS MAN. and if you do ABORT IT. You'd be doing both you and your spawn a big favor.
As for the money, you're going to have to do some five finger discounts (aka steal.)
Hey, if this guy has money for loli figurines, then he has money to spare for you. Unfortunately i dont have any tips on how to steal money but maybe some other nonas here can give some tips on how to steal money and not get caught
Anonymous 126491
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>>126488Don't call yourself that. You can't let unfortunate circumstances define who you are for the rest of your life.
Do as
>>126482 said and please be kind to yourself. You deserve good things as much as anybody else.