/feels/ - advice for male friendships

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advice for male friendships Anonymous 11/15/25 (Sat) 05:19:24 AM126733

im 18 freshie in college and most of my interests, clubs etc is male dominated. in the past ive had some issues with male friendships bc of emotional grooming, unreciprocated feeling and also hearing all these stories about male friends turning against the woman/being potential threats. im pretty cautious and have boundaries when it comes to men but something just puts me at unease with them(which makes sense) and makes it kinda hard to bond. i guess growing up and seeing men constantly hate women in male dominated spaces online that i am into+ knowing about the crime stats and everything just makes me distrustful, so i’m kinda biased. most of the men that approach me seem to be a bit older than me and idk if they’re interested just in trying to get with me(which is reasonable to think). i am trying to make new friends and connections. i don’t know why, but it’s hard for me to befriend women. i really want to but it seems like oftentimes they don’t really click with me for some reason, or maybe just because my interests are male-dominated. and i do enjoy a lot of "girly" things, so i’m not sure what’s going on there. i’ve been diagnosed autistic, for reference. then again, my interests are genuinely out there so i have trouble relating and making friendships with alternative/geek people. i don’t approach/try to befriend men generally, i let them approach me first. do any of you nonas have advice for me?

Anonymous 11/15/25 (Sat) 05:42:24 AM126734

I absolutely get not getting along with women easily, it doesn't make you a bad person. I'm not autistic but I'm somewhat dissocial so I find getting along with groups of people intolerable. Bonding is hard too.
What I've accepted is most people will never click with you and you have to stop expecting them to, but you can still enjoy them for what they are. The moids who approach you probably feel less threatened by you cause you're not a part of a group. There isn't ill intent necessarily, a lot of moids are socially stunted.

So yeah I would advise you to be sociable just enough to maintain a connection with most people, but don't try to force a deep connection with them. It can only come from someone who has your experience in life.

Anonymous 11/15/25 (Sat) 06:25:36 AM126735

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>>126734
ty nonita. that makes sense with them not being threatened that im not in a group. i kinda suspect that my androgynous appearance contributes(no makeup, deep unmasked monotone voice, flat chest, kinda masculine face) ive gotten mistaken as mtf before lmao. what you said about most people not clicking is really true. Do you also not get invited to stuff/you’re the one being invited? Ive stopped putting in energy when things no longer feel reciprocal/they don’t click with me. Appreciate the advice

Anonymous 11/15/25 (Sat) 06:38:37 AM126736

>>126735
>Do you also not get invited to stuff/you’re the one being invited?
not usually, but when I do get "invited" I always get some sense that something is not right and I'm just performing or tolerating them. like idc if you don't get me but want to hang out it feels kinda like mockery. I prefer doing the inviting instead.

Glad it helped.

Also I want to add a bit advice just in general - there will be people who seem to kinda "connect", but in reality it's some weird mimicry because they project some image onto you that seems cool and want to own you like a social pet or smth. There will be people motivated to fawn but in reality they don't understand you and are unreliable, because they're motivated by social points and see you as social capital. It's fucking bizzare but it can happen. I wouldn't say you have to avoid these necessarily, it isn't inherently bad, but I feel like it can benefit you to know about this fake type of connection. I think men are probably more motivated to do that but generally it can happen from women too.

Anonymous 11/15/25 (Sat) 07:29:16 AM126737

>>126736
yeah i get why you’d not want to be invited, i would get suspicious as well that they’d want me to “perform”. I can see what you’re saying about the mimicry part too, that’s kinda happened before with friends seeming to idealize me. you ever feel also kinda cursed/chosen in a way as a true social reject/dissocial lol?

Anonymous 11/15/25 (Sat) 07:54:57 AM126738

>>126737
>yeah i get why you’d not want to be invited, i would get suspicious as well that they’d want me to “perform”.
I think normalfags perform all the time too but they seem to enjoy it, or at least it doesn't go against their sense of self. I always thought it was stupid for some reason.

>you ever feel also kinda cursed/chosen in a way as a true social reject/dissocial lol?
I used to! I was medically neglected for a while which kept me very aloof and socially stunted due to stress and pain. Now that I'm healthier I have no problem socializing but I realized I just lack the capacity to care about social norms. I love when people readily share their real feelings instead of hiding behind a mask so it's not like I'm completely asocial. This is why I don't enjoy group dynamics probably, they are never frank, unless full of autistics or smth. They always have some sort of checks and balances that keep you from doing whatever you want.

>I can see what you’re saying about the mimicry part too, that’s kinda happened before with friends seeming to idealize me
Do you also feel like it's nice but hollow?

Anyways I enjoyed this chat a lot nona. Thanks and have a nice day/night wherever you are <3