/feels/ - Advice & Venting

So, long story short my boyfriend has trouble with relationships because relationships with some family members/partners were abusive. Sometimes when I try to discuss things with him his brain goes into 'survival mode' and he gets defensive and assumes the worst out of any critical statements I make. Most of the time I can make him see from a rational point of view and he realizes he's being silly. I can accept that it will take time for his perception of love to be normal. I guess it's just new to me.

We both have never been in proper/healthy relationships. I have never truly loved anyone, for the most part it's only just been infatuation, boredom, and love of the chase. I have been treated poorly by a 'situationship' before but I understood how I was being manipulated and how things would end, I just wanted fun I guess?

He on the other hand has only dated one other person that constantly manipulated, used, and cheated on him. So I understand why he sometimes acts the way he does.

He sometimes freaks out when I try discussing stuff, but since I struggle with communication I have a hard time speaking and go quiet. Then he spirals and assumes the worst. I hate how sad it makes him. I'm trying to be better about communicating with him.

Idk this is half a rant half me searching for advice on how to communicate more effectively with someone like this.