/feels/ - Advice & Venting

i feel like the ugliest person ever. every single time i see my face in the mirror, i start crying because of how ugly i feel. i’ve been insecure my whole life, struggling with an eating disorder since i was eight, and with my appearance in general. i’ve always known i wasn’t conventionally attractive, but over the summer i was talking to a guy i really liked, and he started talking about looksmaxxing and things like that. i began looking into it, and ever since then my insecurities have gotten so much worse.
then in october, i found out he was dating another girl and had been talking to her at the same time as me. that made everything even worse. i hate it so much. for the past few months, i’ve only gone outside at night because i don’t want anyone to see how ugly i am. i hate going to school so much. it’s horrible. half the time i end up skipping my classes because i don’t want anyone to see me.
i only have one friend, and i don’t know what i would do without her. i’ve told her how ugly i feel, and she always tells me that i’m not, but that’s what everyone would say in that situation. she’s one of the prettiest people i’ve ever seen in my life, and i know she’s my best friend and i shouldn’t be jealous of her but i am.
i don’t know what to do anymore. i honestly feel like there’s no hope and i should just slime myself out. i also think i just need to deal with it for now and hope it gets better once i’m older cause i’m only 15. i obviously want to get a good amount of plastic surgery when i’m older but i don’t think i’ll ever be able to afford it.
idk if anyone is actually going to see this let alone read all of it but if you have any advice on being less insecure or any tips on being less chopped i would really appreciate it