/feels/ - Advice & Venting

I still care about you RB. I really do. And maybe my actions dont tell you that. But if we were going by actions alone what would your actions up to this point say? That you're a confused and selfish narcissist? I dont want to believe that but you've left me no other choice.

I made it 14 years without knowing you existed in my life and i can do it again. Im older now. Wiser. My body is now one that you've never touched. And i hope it stays that way until you decide to put a ring on it. My standards are higher now…. you cant get away with just barely responding anymore.

I still dont want to see you. But, a part of me does wants to see you again…. for shits and giggles i guess. You traumatized me and unfortunately i fawned over it. But i want to see you to see how much i can traumatize you back. I know you're afraid of me, but thats besides the point. I wanna see myself suplexing the FUCK outta you in public. Maybe you'll finally call the cops on me. Maybe I'll get some kind of closure that way, some concrete evidence of how you feel about me. I guess in a way youve given me ambition and drive, something worthwhile to motivate myself into doing something different in my life. But maybe thats romanticizing a connection that never took off in the first place.

Im going to live my life now, with or without you in it. And the greatest tragicomedy is the fact that you dont get to be a part of it the way i wanted you to be.

Hey, I still miss you. Do you hate me now? I think you probably do. But I think you miss me for sure. That is if you're alive, which I can't be sure of. I think you are though. I really loved you, even if you won't believe it. You always did prefer believing in your own version, no matter how much I told you how I felt. Just after leaving, I started noticing many things I didn't like about you, but right at this moment, I'm okay with them. We're both ill. I'm enjoying myself, I wish I could do this forever. I'm back on all those things I told you I wanted to leave, and the things I wanted you to leave too. I'm pretty certain you never will, and I might have to at some point. I can't peacefully live like this for too long. But it feels good for the moment. I'll freak out soon and ask myself what am I doing, why I'm setting myself back, I'll do okay for a week and I'll go back, like I always do. At least I threw some things out during a panic attack, it'll be hard getting those back, that should put an end to some of the stuff I wanted to quit. I'm having trouble sleeping lately, and I think about you sometimes, it keeps me away. Most of it is shame, I'm ashamed of having let myself be in a situation like that one, but the thing I'm the most ashamed of is telling people I know about it. Because I can't make them forget. I get really embarrassed thinking about them still knowing while I treat the matter like it was just a dream or something like that. That's why I'm not sharing much of my life with people anymore. If you were here, I'd still share all of it with you. I'd still trust you. You are the only person who has loved me as I really am. I hope you don't regret that. It feels unfair asking you to not regret what we had because in a way I do. I don't regret the whole thing, but I'd change a lot of things. I hope you still think of me, I don't want to be the only one thinking of what we had.

you're incredibly immature and I don't deserve this treatment. any time you don't give me the time of the day to give a dignified and proper response when something bothers me, it pushes me away from you and towards bettering myself
one day you will wake up and find out i'm no longer a part of your life. and I hope it will make you suffer for years.

>>128377
it felt like i was going to for a while. i don’t know why it stopped. i don’t know why i can never fully get better.

I should've never accepted you back in november. Now I'm in pain again because you blocked me out of nowhere.
You were acting distant for a week or so. Barely replying. You said you were frustrated. I asked why - you waited 15 minutes before replying that it's snowy and you have to go to work by foot. But that's not the case is it?
Now the person who siad he will always be here and can't live without me blocked me without even telling me why. I promisied myself if you go, you go, but here I am shaking and crying again.
Thanks for trauma.

M,

i'm not your friend. we only hang out because you glued yourself to me (probably because no one else wants to be your friend). at first i felt sorry for you, but once you started shit talking literally everyone you've ever interacted with i understood you're a toxic, radioactive bitch. i've never met anyone so comically bad to the core. my friends instantly sniffed it, but i wanted to see the good in you. you're young, so i thought you were just an awkward autist and would grow out of it. but you're actually a malignant psycho who gets her kicks out of putting other people down. every time you open your mouth is to belittle others, one-up them, humiliate them or claim parts of their identity as your own to skinwalk. today you did it again and backstabbed your supposed friends to make yourself look better to your superiors. so fuck it, cunt, i wish i could scream this to you.
you're not smart. you're actually the stupidest person around and i'm pretty sure you know it. you only got to where you are because of your constant brown nosing. you're not fooling anyone with your sloppy cheating and outsourcing everything to your shitty (free plan) chatbot. tbh if i were in your situation i would have already killed myself with embarrassment. i have no idea how you can be so immune to impostor syndrome. i guess it must be because you're an actual impostor by choice.
you think you're better than everyone because you're happy being a lapdog with zero thoughts of your own, but once you witness a hint of free will in others that sends you into a jealous coma. your arrogance is completely unwarranted for someone who never achieved anything of note in their life. the way you act like a cop and snitch on your friends to their boss (who you think cares about you for some bizarre reason) is an insane act of self-sabotage. how does it feel knowing that no one will ever cooperate with you? that no one looks up to you? that you're everyone's personal lolcow?
it's disgusting how you pretend to have my illness too. i was too shocked to react, but that obvious lie about something so personal to me and so inconsequential to you made me realize how broken you actually are. if i ever catch you lying about that again i'm going to expose your ass in front of everyone. your abhorrent behavior might not have been bullied out of you in middle school, as it should have, but it's never too late.

i truly wish you can cure whichever mental illness you clearly have, but i doubt you ever will

>>128557
i was stuck in that loop for 7 years and still didn't get out of it. cut it out before it's too late.

>>128589
7 years is rough. But he blocked me, so I'm on my way to move on. Our relationship for the past 6 months felt like a dying animal that no one was brave enough to put down

im in love with another man but he is uninterested so ig ill stay with you

Why am I dreaming about you, about all this

You're not getting anywhere near my son. My little boy is innocent, pure, and perfect. Unlike you. I don't care if you were young during your misogyny phase or whatever, I'm not letting you ruin my child. You don't know what it's like to love and commit yourself to someone because you're a soulless degenerate. Unlike you, my son actually has a good father and he doesn't need your life ruining guidance. I don't forgive you

>>128643
That's one of those things that you need to actually say

being all up in his ass to try and respond to this with fake closeness is repulsive and giving the ick. he wants you to stop touching him. he will intentionally start a game because you can’t be on him and you’re gross. he doesn’t want to spend time with you for real. he lies and says playing the game he wants to play is spending time with you but it’s as if he’s playing with an npc he can boss around at best sometimes. you’re not interesting. he has to stare at screens to be around you. you can never be alone together without the games or the shows or the lo fi. he’s bored but he’s also thirty now so. you’re the only option. you’re the dogfucker rapist lover and no one is willing to roll in the mud like you.

you are a failure of a mother, but i am a failure of a daughter. i wish i didn't affect you so much, and the inverse ofc. i wish you liked and loved me.

One day, born a captive
What they say is what I'll do
Deadly, they've trained me this way
I'm waitin' for the day
How to escape, and how do I get out?
Hm, I want to escape, and how do I get out?

and i hope that one day my limbs stretch to their limits, my body cracking open with rage, he sees me and is afraid.

This dumb bitch is too much of a wilting violet crybaby to call the bank. Just do it you fucking weakling you'll only be talking to a chatbot anyway. This is why I can't take your suicide threats seriously, your risk-aversion is so pathological you can't even bring yourself to make a phone call. I don't think you'd even kill yourself if you had a button right in front of you that would give you a painless instant death if you pressed it.

look, no one is saying you arent allowed to schizo post in the unsent letters thread, but PLEASE can you keep it all in one post? im so fucking tired of the 45 posts all clearly written by the same person during a manic episode.

you're so bad at committing that you can't even keep me blocked. stop unblocking me just to check my profile,not say a thing, then block again. you are such a complete and utter faggot that you can't even confess to me because the shame keeps you silent.
the mask of the good, genuine guy is off. so who are you after you deactivate? a moron who's good at pretending he's a good person when in reality you're constantly running from the guilt of your own wrongdoings.
one day it will catch up and eat you alive

I love you, I don't want to tell you yet but I knew from the moment I met you, I love you

So you sit there silently and what are you waiting for? Did valentines day trigger your loneliness wound?
Are you hoping I still love you? Are you hoping I will be the first to apologize?
Or do you just want the access to me, just in case?

You do not have access to me anymore. Any time I feel like I miss you I remember all the times you hurt me and lied to me and how many days i went not eating and sleeping because of you, cutting myself because of you. All the promises you made that you'll always be here and always love me only to leave me

I'm tired of wasting my time on you. Go fuck yourself. You should die alone

Some posters have been using this thread to vaguely communicate with others and to spam dozens of one-liners one after the other. Don't use this thread as a chat thread. Your posts will be removed.

>>128961
thank you.

>>128239
Mom,
The older I get the more I understand you and realize the things you tried to tell me all along.
I see myself slowly become all the things I used to hate about you.
I was not a good daughter.
I sit and think about all the times you have asked me to come home. They play through my head and it hurts. I'm sorry I hurt you and I know you're right.
I'm too prideful to admit I was wrong.
I love you.

https://www.tiktok.com/@etherealsyd/video/7606845906981309727?_r=1&_t=ZT-94CgREpsT4Y

No, I'll never give the hunt up, and I won't muck it up
Somehow this is it, I knew, maybe fate wants you dead too
We've come together in the very same room, and I'm coming for you
Do you think I'd ever let you get away with it, huh?
He swooned in warm maroon
There's gas in your barrel, and I'm flooded with Doom
You've made a wake of our honeymoon, and I'm coming for you

You barely sound like a native speaker of your only language, how could you possibly think you're qualified to decide what counts as proper english?

>>129275
me when my enemy makes a spelling mistake

if you were going to tell me to kms you
probably should have hidden your offline status and not needed to aggressively kill stuff in a game afterward for the first time in a week. i meant that shit i said to you. i’m going to outlive you.

you don’t get to have power anymore

I want to gloat to you that I know how to access your deleted posts and decoded the stupid cipher you write them in, but then you would stop doing it lmao

i long to know the solved cipher it sounds fun

1 ed 67 3 pm 67 69 420

>>129549
Just a basic ass substitution cipher with each letter corresponding to only one punctuation mark or special character. Which is not secure at all because any random moron (like me) can figure it out, the only difficulty is it's full of typos. E is a divided sign, T is a forward slash, etc. It's still divided by spaces which makes common words extra recognizable.

>>129553
wait you’re so cool that sounds so hard. where did you see this or can you not reveal it here

>>129557
It's just the reddit account of someone I know personally. If you've ever had a reddit account and value your privacy, you should send an archive removal request to arctic shift ASAP.

you. do. not. get. to. declare. yourself. absolved. you are not forgiven. you have not repented. you have not faced justice or punishment. the only absolution for you is a bullet to the brain. i’m not that merciful. i am going to let you rot of cancer unforgiven and then i get to torture you in hell. you do not get closure and there is no end to this.

It's been a month since I've stopped flushing the toilet. I hope you get the message

Come back to me. Come back to me so we can finish what we started. I know you still want to finish it. Don't even lie to me. Don't pretend you don't care. And honestly, I know I still tug at the back of your mind, but you won't admit it to yourself. So come back. Just for a little bit.

>>129616

Ima pretend this is him speaking to me.

I'll keep you around to regulate me but I will never ever be close to you again. I will never be vulnerable around you or allow you to touch me again. Keep thinking I forgave you but I'm actually gonna use you like you use me. And no matter what you promise I know you will run away again but I won't chase

my dear I miss you so much

It's been almost half a year since we last talked. Even longer since we were friends. I know you still like me. I can hear you start to talk louder when I'm around at school. During geography you avoided eye contact while bringing me my test but I could see you smiling. I was smiling to you too. You follow me every so often on spotify. Changed your bio to send me messages. You're so endearing, I wish you weren't so shy.

I know it is kind of my fault things ended but I couldn't keep waiting and only texting online. I want real contact. I think you understand that too. I was always planning efforts to talk to you, for example before exams. A shame you kept coming in late and had to sit in the front.

I miss your humor. You were so fun to talk to. Sometimes I read back our old, now ancient, conversations and find myself smiling. Somewhere I also think I might've took you for granted. I didn't see your spirit at the time. Now I see how sweet you were to me.

I wonder what I have to offer to you though? Looking back on our messages you were mostly carrying the conversations. I feel like I am too,, mentally ill. You are shy and have no experience while I've been in too many toxic relationships- though you don't know that yet. I'm afraid you might not be able to handle it, and support me right. I don't want to "infect" you either. Sometimes you skipped school after I did and it felt really shitty because I don't want to influence you like that. And what if you are just in love with the idea of me or the idea of having a girlfriend? Would you be okay not having sex? It is my greatest fear. I am too afraid to share all of my history with you- but that should be a part of having a partner.

I don't know. I also don't want myself to keep making excuses and not try anything due to my fear of abandonment and pushing people away. I mean, I'm not (yet) scared you'll leave me but more so, that we wouldn't work out and both end up very hurt. There's lots of "practical" reasons why we are "too" different to work but I still feel so strongly about you- that I wonder if I should just give it a shot.

I am planning on making more contact with you- just you wait. But you need to stop being shy. I hope that if you see I like you too- you have more courage to be direct.

When I can't sleep at night I think of you. I fantasize about us finally talking, going on a date. I want to hug and kiss you so bad. It's very comforting but I don't know for how long I can hold on to this. Our friendship was always so vague, on-and-off that it is normal for me to wonder about the possibility of "more", or the next time we talk again. It's been half a year but I know us and I know we won't end like that.

Perhaps I am delusional though. Maybe it is better for us to stay away from eachother. Maybe this is the last message I will ever write to you again- and I'm not even sending it to you.

I want clarity. I want you.