/feels/ - Advice & Venting

just call me already brian. i’m sick of these games.

You’re wishing death upon me like a year later over me standing up to you acting like retard? Damn

my days of relying on you are over. you’ll miss how deeply i cared. you will look back and realize you’ll never find someone who loves you the way i have. i gave you everything and you treat me like a joke. i’m giving myself back to me.

I still care about you RB. I really do. And maybe my actions dont tell you that. But if we were going by actions alone what would your actions up to this point say? That you're a confused and selfish narcissist? I dont want to believe that but you've left me no other choice.

I made it 14 years without knowing you existed in my life and i can do it again. Im older now. Wiser. My body is now one that you've never touched. And i hope it stays that way until you decide to put a ring on it. My standards are higher now…. you cant get away with just barely responding anymore.

I still dont want to see you. But, a part of me does wants to see you again…. for shits and giggles i guess. You traumatized me and unfortunately i fawned over it. But i want to see you to see how much i can traumatize you back. I know you're afraid of me, but thats besides the point. I wanna see myself suplexing the FUCK outta you in public. Maybe you'll finally call the cops on me. Maybe I'll get some kind of closure that way, some concrete evidence of how you feel about me. I guess in a way youve given me ambition and drive, something worthwhile to motivate myself into doing something different in my life. But maybe thats romanticizing a connection that never took off in the first place.

Im going to live my life now, with or without you in it. And the greatest tragicomedy is the fact that you dont get to be a part of it the way i wanted you to be.

Hey, I still miss you. Do you hate me now? I think you probably do. But I think you miss me for sure. That is if you're alive, which I can't be sure of. I think you are though. I really loved you, even if you won't believe it. You always did prefer believing in your own version, no matter how much I told you how I felt. Just after leaving, I started noticing many things I didn't like about you, but right at this moment, I'm okay with them. We're both ill. I'm enjoying myself, I wish I could do this forever. I'm back on all those things I told you I wanted to leave, and the things I wanted you to leave too. I'm pretty certain you never will, and I might have to at some point. I can't peacefully live like this for too long. But it feels good for the moment. I'll freak out soon and ask myself what am I doing, why I'm setting myself back, I'll do okay for a week and I'll go back, like I always do. At least I threw some things out during a panic attack, it'll be hard getting those back, that should put an end to some of the stuff I wanted to quit. I'm having trouble sleeping lately, and I think about you sometimes, it keeps me away. Most of it is shame, I'm ashamed of having let myself be in a situation like that one, but the thing I'm the most ashamed of is telling people I know about it. Because I can't make them forget. I get really embarrassed thinking about them still knowing while I treat the matter like it was just a dream or something like that. That's why I'm not sharing much of my life with people anymore. If you were here, I'd still share all of it with you. I'd still trust you. You are the only person who has loved me as I really am. I hope you don't regret that. It feels unfair asking you to not regret what we had because in a way I do. I don't regret the whole thing, but I'd change a lot of things. I hope you still think of me, I don't want to be the only one thinking of what we had.

i thought i hit the jackpot finding such a devoted simp who said all the right things. turns out you’re a devoted simp to quite literally every girl and their mom (literally). you’re a lusty lame. stay the fuck away from me.

you never stop thinking of me or talking about me, both masks have slipped and you’re pretending its the same when it’s not, it will never be the same the illusion period is gone forever with the honeymoon, you’re welcome for the blueprint but you didn’t follow the instructions and you can’t fake an entire identity, glad to see realizing a woman acting in the exact way you instructed with a guidebook on dos and donts still couldn’t make it work and make you happy, glad you’re realizing hobbies and interests are for friends not a love match, glad you’ve realized you’ve maybe found either a true best friend or a woman desperate and sad enough to revolve her life around pretending to be your ex and it’s still not enough. it’s funny watching you heal the wound of your last relationship by finding the version of her that is actually what you wanted in your head, mostly because she stalks your exes online, and realize it doesn’t heal any wound other than that and it’s not a romantic let alone a soulmate connection. i think you will continue seeking dopamine and pouring yourself into fandom to cope. i suggest not making that intense stoic badass face you made holding a light saber ever again.

revolving your entire life around “getting to do your interests” is preventing you from getting to do your hobbies and meeting your goals and living things out like everyone else does. everyone has interests. everyone gets to do them more than you and when they do, they don’t get made fun of. why is that? is it possible even people with identical interests are just mocking you for the way you act autistic about them and no one is oppressing you for “having hobbies”? much to think about.

remember - the feeling of emptiness and dissatisfaction and the paranoia it will all come tumbling down again are not just in your head. they’re reality. remember you’re here forever.

you never used to need to escape into your computer. remember when life was worth living? the golden days? when you could be present and there was always something going on or you could be happy just sitting in silence looking at nature? life is still like that.

just not for you anymore. stage another moment and let it really sit there so you can sit in the hollowness of performing a gesture that everyone can feel is insincere.

it really is all visible in the eyes.

“my perfect match is me in a wig”

cartoons aren’t art. comic books can be. but not middle school weeb scribbles you are half assing because you found out his ex is in galleries. everyone doodles as a kid in middle school. you weren’t ever an artist and you never will be. picking it back up only to try and grift online or compete for a man no one wants is hilarious but you must need something to do while he ignores you.

his screen time and trying to hide it after being called out still say everything. he actually can’t stay away even when he’s trying to prove a point. full time workers who never see each other and he can’t stop spending all his free time in one player games or playing the same games just alone so he can try and fool on lookers. you’re not even in the same room most of the time. “it would interfere with the audio” hes jerking off to his ex upstairs on mute that’s why it’s dead silence between you when you lose and are in the audio chat alone and he only goes heh and mmm.

you actually have never really had conversations that aren’t about his interests you’re imitating, his exes, his exes you’re imitating, his problems being canceled publicly, how it’s just you two and fuck her she’s wrong i’ll take you to the same places i did as a message to her you’ll only find out about after! like he can’t even pretend to be interested in your mind or you. it’s hilarious. the only thing you have to talk about is cosplay planning. he can’t even act excited about the wedding you had to make him post about it after he wouldn’t.

thank you for allowing me to choose both of your destinies and how people will view you for the rest of your lives.

>>128298
Nurse she’s out again

can’t wait to decide if you’re allowed to keep your next job or not.

>>128298
>>128305
>>128307
You're all the same moid

it’s crazy how you only kept one friend.

may 4th save the date !

modern technology is incredible. using scans from the skull of a neanderathal, we’ve been able to digitally bring to life what prehistoric men looked like. we’ve been able to do the same with bog bodies and bodies found in ice. it’s incredible this is what we evolved from. i just wish they had made him look happy instead of a grotesque contorted face of physical agony and abject misery. i’m sure that a long time ago, he was happy even if at the moment the scan captured he was clearly being tortured.

>>128315
Why does bog man have a handlebar mustache

you're incredibly immature and I don't deserve this treatment. any time you don't give me the time of the day to give a dignified and proper response when something bothers me, it pushes me away from you and towards bettering myself
one day you will wake up and find out i'm no longer a part of your life. and I hope it will make you suffer for years.

>>128323
What if he isn't doing it on purpose?

>>128324
I know he's not doing it on purpose, but being so self unaware and not doing anything to self-reflect on your behavior or trying to change only leaves me one thing to do

>>128325
Typical male behavior

>>128326
typical avoidant behavior too. they cannot handle the smallest of conflicts.

>>128325
Don't be hasty. Going back to the dating market in its current state might not be the best course of action.

>>128329
I'm not being hasty, I'll only cut contact if he does it first. And I don't think I'll be looking for anyone for a while if that ends up happening

>>128319
i assume some of his skin/eye were destroyed before the scan

>>128336
one of the eyes is missing i think it’s AI half chimp/half man not a scan because that looks way too simian (t anthropology student)

>>128323
this better not be who i think it is

>>128338
Down schizo

i hope one day we can finally work it out.

thank you for stopping being friends with the girl who was tormenting me.

literally shut hte fuck up and go fuck yourself you stupid fucking bitch

>>128295
damn clock it

thank you for defending me and never them.

the way your wedding will be worse than this and the one you posed for pictures in blows my mind. is anyone even going?

i appreciate that you’re trying to improve yourself and be a better man. i appreciate you told them to stop. i appreciate you reached out. i appreciate you defended me both privately and publicly and did not defend their actions to me. i appreciate you recognizing the type of woman to say those things is no woman at all and that’s probably why they all looked and acted like men instead of women. i hope you can take this to its logical conclusion and see it to the end. i hope you can really drop everything and move and make some changes in yourself and the people you surround yourself with. you’ve broken things off at this level before and you have a better excuse than last time for ending things. i’m glad you’re not choosing to be that person who believes those things are okay and want to better your life. i hope it’s not too late and you don’t chicken out. everything about the last ten years has been designed to show us how wrong what happened was.

i still feel scared and sad when i think about what you did to me. i often find myself wondering why i feel scared all of the sudden and my mind just always goes straight to you. what might happen in the future. what happened in the past. what you did to me. i hope you know. i’m scared and hurting over it. i dont know if i’m going to be okay. i don’t know how to let people close to me. you did that. i would have been okay. i will never understand why you did this to me. i did nothing to you.

>>128376
you can still heal :'(

>>128377
it felt like i was going to for a while. i don’t know why it stopped. i don’t know why i can never fully get better.

It hurts how easily you can willingly choose to go more than 24 hours without checking in on the supposed love of your life. you’re not clingy needy or obsessive. why would you lie to me and say you were?

you never should have done those things to me. you should have gone abroad and left me alone to be happy and start school that year instead of waiting for you. there were about half a dozen people willing to treat me better than you did but you wanted to win the game. you could have let me be in love for real, you could have let me have my dreams and my values intact, you could have let me start my life. instead you had me staying at a retail job for another year to save to be with you and start a college program together you never ended up going to. you are so selfish. you are so so selfish. aren’t you ashamed?

still die of laughter at the thought of your dumbass actually believing i was really gonna buy you all that designer shit after you used me and left me for another girl

i’m trying to forgive you. really, i am. it’s just there was so much blood and i don’t quite know what to do with it all now.

you look into her eyes and you think someday you will be loved. but not by me. but you try and do the right thing even though the right thing is always not wasting people’s time. you made a mistake. you’re stubborn and trying to change and trying to prove yourself and you’ve made your third biggest mistake. i hope someday you wake up in the middle of the night and just hop on a train and leave and save yourself. the sunk cost fallacy sank you. i can see it all laid out how you think staying will solve the leaving but the problem was never the leaving. the problem was you got stuck. leaving was the best idea you’ve ever had. go buy a bike with your dad and just fucking get out of here before you end up blowing your brains out. i see the end and it’s not that far away.

you aren’t going to make it living this way.

It’s really stupid how you’re acting like the prize here pal.

everyone is like oh the portent of the end times let’s gouge her eyes out and cut out her tongue. no one is ever like. thank you for warning us. wow if we hadn’t listened that would have been the fall of a civilization. they always kill kassandra first.

it’s weird to see how you’ve dumbed yourself down to try and fit where you don’t belong. most people wouldn’t hang out with most people at a comic con.

i feel sorry that you act only out of fear. making that career commitment because you feared instability, the first engagement for housing, settling for the first person who would look at you since your mid twenties because you’re scared of being alone, not getting an education because you’re scared of failing/debt and things you aren’t good at. not moving to be where you really want to live because you’re afraid of being alone. not growing as a person and admitting to your mistakes because of who that would make you as a person and what that would mean and accepting that is terrifying. but you can change and heal and grow. you just can’t do it while you’re lying and hiding. i think you fear growing up most of all but attempting to seem grown without doing any growing is going to result in two horrifying mistakes within the next year that you will never ever be free from again for the rest of your life. you have three paths before them and two are death, one instant and one that will last for the rest of your life. you need to start over honestly this time. maybe spend some time at a monastery.

i’m sorry i made your life so small and left you with such horrible options.

i keep replaying those horrible words you said to me in my head, hoping they were just some stupid shit you didn’t mean. but, man it’s really hard. i probably will never get an explanation or an apology though. that somehow hurts even more. you really feel these things and i need to let go.

i’m so sorry i make you listen to such sad music. please don’t hurt yourself. i wish we could be honest and i could say the things i’ve never said to you.

we left so much unsaid that neither of us have ever said anywhere. i can barely admit it in my own head and i’ve never even written it in my own diaries let alone told another soul.

please don’t go through with hurting yourself. you aren’t trapped. it’s going to be okay.

i’m sorry i pushed you that far and if you want i can make everything go away for you and fix everything.

you aren’t trapped.

i’m sorry i hurt you back. you hurt me so much worse but i shouldn’t have done it.

i’m sorry i made you feel like you couldn’t use your coping mechanism and you had to take the first disgusting thing that would settle down with you. i didn’t mean to ruin your entire life. please don’t kill yourself. go with your friends to japan. go with your dad across the country on motorcycles to colorado. your options are not kill yourself or stay trapped and die slowly. you’re not even as old as her you’ve got at least five years before you need to have this breakdown. don’t kill yourself please. don’t end your life and destroy yourself like this. that was never my goal and i feel sick that it ended up this way. it’s not right that this happened because of me. you would never be in the position you are without what i did. with work and where you live and relationships and friendships and education and money all of it. i ruined your mental health and confidence. i’m sorry. i can fix this. just please don’t end up like your father. you’re on a worse path and it makes me feel sick. your life is so fucked i’m so sorry. i can even help you fix your skin and hair.

i know when you’ve been listening to the end of the beginning it’s been a bad thing. i know you’re saying goodbye to happiness and maybe your entire life.

it’s not the end of happiness and youth unless you choose to close the door on everything good and begin to die. i know that’s the choice you’re making. i know you’ve been left no other options and feel grateful for any support by anyone at all. even if it’s misguided and evil and not love but enabling. even if it supports the most evil crimes committed by man. you’re a villain with an evil advisor.

i’m so sorry i degraded you until you saw yourself as on this level. i’m so sorry.

just please don’t end your life. i know you’ve been thinking of doing that to get out of this. it’s going to be okay. everyone will understand why you would want to start again. you need a come to jesus moment and hard reset and you’ll be okay again. just don’t end it all.

i think you know looking at that picture of your friends wedding you participated in that that is not up to your standards and i think you know you have fewer people and even less than those people did. it will be worse. please stop embarrassing yourself. hard restart. stop listening to these fucked up incels and the woman sad enough to cater to like three at once in front of you. it’s so desperate.

it’s shocking seeing you at a rock bottom this low. i didn’t think you could go lower and now i see you’re in free fall. your life is like an episode of hoarders or my strange addiction. it is terrifying what she has led you to. the absolute degenerate way you are living where you’ll end up on the streets together is horrifying. you have no future like this. you look like you’re fifty. you’ve aged decades in the year you’ve been in that relationship.

this is the lowest you’ve ever been and i’m terrified for you.

three more days and i think that we could actually both be okay if you what you said to me before was true. i think we could meet somewhere in the middle and bury the hatchet. i don’t want you to die. i don’t want your entire life to be so depressing and awful.

I'm bleeding because of you, my life hasn't been the same since I met you, I can't even live a normal life anymore

Coping with life while trying to deal with incontinence is almost too much, maybe if you got raped by a silverback you'd understand my feelings

seeing those zero hours because i told you you were disassociating your life away really impressed me. thank you for listening. i hope
you’ll feel better and keep taking my advice until you are free and a good person.

>>128514
i really like it when you show me with actions and not words.

thank you for showing me how much you care and prioritize fixing things with me.

i hope soon you make your double life one single honest life.

stop making me spell everything out for you you fucking imbecile

the only thing i’m sorry for is ever believing a word that came out of your lying mouth

🍯

I should've never accepted you back in november. Now I'm in pain again because you blocked me out of nowhere.
You were acting distant for a week or so. Barely replying. You said you were frustrated. I asked why - you waited 15 minutes before replying that it's snowy and you have to go to work by foot. But that's not the case is it?
Now the person who siad he will always be here and can't live without me blocked me without even telling me why. I promisied myself if you go, you go, but here I am shaking and crying again.
Thanks for trauma.