/feels/ - Advice & Venting

i hate these freaking guys who follow only fans twitch streamers or whatever it makes me sick when im talking to a guy and i find out he follows them. Or when a man tells me he has like 15 bodies it just feels like so is that what I am to you? am i another one? what did the other 5 girlfriends do so wrong by you? I know its 90% cause of just my own insecurity but I literally cant stop it. I decided to try and be normal and date but i have never hated myself more. i want to retreat into my body and never face anyone again. I'm so sick of being the pursuer too like just once it would be nice to be pursued. never date nerd guys they all fucking suck. all guys fucking suck. It doesnt help that im not pretty and i have to consciously make the effort to cope and push it to the back of my mind. when im talking to or dating a guy the thought of him looking at another girl makes me physcially sick. I literally feel insane. I feel like im one of those crazy obsssessive ppl. which to be honest i lowkey am. I had a better time single and just watching edits on instagram. its crazy cause ive always been the avoidant type