/feels/ - Advice & Venting

I'm having a 24/7 existential crisis please make it stop someone I'm gonna kill myself if it doesn't

Really hate how hard it is to find a submissive moid not into penis, racism, cucking or just gross gay shit in general.. I just want a straight subby bf

It's been 10 years since I've been in a relationship, I feel like I'll never be able to have a normal relationship again lol not that any of my prior relationships were normal. I do kinda feel like havi g someone to touch again, one of my classmates is a touchy person and it reminded me that i knda miss it, maybe I should get a pet, i thibk I might be scared of serious relationships lol

My parents are pathologically frugal. I bought a shirt that needs to be washed separately in the washing machine, got into a huge argument because they won't allow me to wash it by itself (it's like 10 cents). I miss my train because I got stuck in a traffic jam for almost 2 hours and they get mad at me over the money I wasted (it is a few euro). As a child everything I wore was too small or too big cause they would only buy from very cheap second-hands or clearence isle. They somewhat disapprove of my relationship because we are semi-long distance and I need to take a bus to see him. I could list a bunch more.

And they both make way above-average and have enough in disposable income to buy a house. I am literally counting down days until I graduate so I will finally be self-sustainable and won't have to argue and beg over every single expense.

Why would an ex unblock you all of a sudden only to just… do nothing? Just complete silence. I've been messing things up at work and making stupid mistakes while driving and losing sleep. All I can think about is this. My brain constantly ruminates on it. We broke up on good terms, mostly, because of college. It's just that I'm halfway convinced it's some sort of trap, or a superiority thing like it's a game of who's emotionally vulnerable enough to crack under the pressure and shoot a text first.

>>129809
Maybe your ex was checking your socials but forgot to block you after checking your profile.

I have a habit of unblocking people when I'm desperate and lonely and so do many others.

There's a small chance of it being malicious but unless something else happens I doubt it.

Base it off of their most recent behavior if you can, is there anything in particular that you're worried about?

From the sounds of it the biggest risk is them wanting to get back with you.

I've been going through so much death anxiety lately and I deeply want to be religious. I just can't push myself to believe we're more than our brains but because of this I keep having these panic attacks where I imagine dying and there just being nothing forever and ever. I can't handle that even if it's likely, I try not to think about it or to look into stories of people with supernatural experiences so I can feel better but nothing really works sadly and I hate it

I'm sad.

>>129808
Samesame nona…

Me and my siblings have all gone to private school (but not next year since my dad is a lazy fuck who has not been working for a few years).

However we are "saving" on electricity/water which means he bangs on the bathroom door to make us take shorter showers. He also keeps Amazon boxes and brings home random junk that people are leaving for free on the street (we have a couple of paintings bought at a garage sale for £5 almost 10 years ago - they have never been on the wall). He also refund-scammed a pair of boots after buying them new and going on a two night trip with them.

>>129822

Haha did I mention that instead of a floor rag he cleans the floor with an old pair of underwear fuuuuuuaaaark

>>129800
trying to find love as a lesbian is so hard… i come from a small ass town with basically no gay people, let alone lesbians. And all the dating apps are filled with troons or normies. Not to mention the straight couples looking for a unicorn. I just want an irl gf who is good with conversation and will talk about her interests to me

>>129825
You can do that with any women if you skip the sexual part.

>>129862
no. i want to hold hands and sometimes have makeout sessions

I havent posted on here in a while but i’m really depressed right now and i’m just angry at myself.
Recently i met this moid and i sort of actually like him. I’m usually so angry at moids and i could never understand why anyone would like one but i’ve met one that seems nice and i feel so stupid for liking him. And it makes me feel even worse knowing i literally have NO shot with him because I look disgusting when i speak and i’m like 10 lbs overweight and i’m super awkward and i know he probably just thinks i’m like. Fucking weird and retarded and ugly.
I don’t know guys. I’m trying to just get over it so I can avoid disappointment but I never let myself have romantic interest in anyone and i just wish i wasn’t me so maybe i could have a chance at a relationship like a normal person. But i’m just going to let it go i guess. It honestly makes it worse that he’s nice to me but I know i’m just taking any kind attention from him and running with it because i’m not used to it haha.
It’s truly over for me nonas

>>129865
Edit: I just found out he has a girlfriend anyway. Of course it’s the one moid ive ever actually liked . it was too good to be true i guess not that i woildve had a chance if he was single anyway.
I guess I’m just gonna go back to being antisocial and not looking for a relationship

I keep getting wasted and saying dumb shit.
I'm a baby faced woman in love with a lolicon 8 years older than me. Kept indirectly trying to tell my friends that he 'shouldn't see my cosplay pictures or else' since all I cosplay is cute youthful anime girls and shit. They told me that it's a bad idea to even view him in any romantic manner regardless of the age gap as he's… dubious anyhow. Now panicking about whether they MIGHT have told him although they likely won't. Drunkposting so apologies for odd wording.

>>129907
I just wanted to tell you that you're really pathetic and you need to get it the fuck together.

My boyfriend of nine months "broke up with me" after a bipolar episode I had. He said it was too much & he needs to think, then insinuated he doesn't need to think because he's made up his mind. He still has my house keys & items, it's been radio silence. I know we are done but this type of behavior makes me harbor some hope & I think it's very selfish.

>>129910
I think he's unsure/wants to avoid the hard conversation, but I know 90% that if I reach out he will end it & the odds of him being able to talk to me again are very slim so I am in limbo until he makes up his mind. very frustrating.

>>129911
You have learnt that you can not bipolar too hard in front of people you don't want to loose.
Try to connect again when you are okay, neither up nor down and be honest, say you are sorry and that you need him.

>>129907
Why are you in love with a pedo?

>>129911
If you know he’s going to dump you, you have to dump him first. Paradoxically that’s the only chance you have of getting back together with him, provided you’re able to mentally let him go.
Right now, he associates you with the negative experience he just had plus the burden of having an uncomfortable conversation. Every time he remembers you he feels this pressure, and since he’s a coward that can’t just say what he thinks, he will try to avoid thinking about you to stop stressing.
If you break up with him calmly but firmly, you take away the burdens, and then if he starts thinking about you again he’s more likely to start remembering the good things.
Just make sure to not leave more negative feelings in the breakup convo. Idk what happened during your episode, if you have to apologize for something then do that, but do not have a long heart to heart with someone who’s decided to leave you, even temporarily. Don’t blame him for the break up but don’t blame yourself excessively either, and ideally tell him that you’d like to remain friends and on good terms, and then never actually contact him, or meet him if he wants to hang out. He might want to just check up on you because he’s like, omg I have totally broken her heart (because I’m so awesome) let me see if she has survived - well fuck that. He might be also just reaching out because of residual guilt, fuck that too, once gets over that he will actually be thinking about you with no baggage attached, start remembering all the good times and missing you. So if he eventually starts trying to talk to you casually, always ignore or blow him off, otherwise he will satisfy his curiosity/guilt/whatever and move on. Only give any response if he actually wants to talk seriously or get back together (which there’s a reasonably high chance of if you do all this, but it depends on your previous relationship).
Just remember: it is always better to break it off in this type of situation, because even if he stays with you he already feels like he’s settling/resenting you and you will not be happy, in fact the relationship is guaranteed to get worse. And if you just wait for his decision, you will feel worse and worse every day, because you’re basically giving away control of your life to someone who doesn’t even love you enough, and you’re not respecting yourself. If you break up and he never wants to get back together, it was never going to work out either way, but you actually did something brave, out of respect for yourself. So I encourage you to do it. Whatever you decide, good luck!

I'm having such a bad religious crisis lately and I have no idea what to believe in honestly

>>129921
It'll feel right deep down inside you when it's the right thing to do

>>129922
I have had beliefs but they basically crumbled. I'm just really worried about what happens to us after we die and even what may have happened before we born. I pace around because of it and I've seen some horrifying theories

>>129931
The consciousness is located in the soul. There's actually many proven after death experiences, because it's very easy to prove when someone's brain is dead and yet they claim to have been floating around with 360 degree perfect vision. But this isn't important because you can prove that all day long, you can have video of someone raising from the dead and it won't change people's beliefs, you can see a ghost, see a miracle. It won't change anything, because everything can be explained away based on what people want to believe.
You can watch annoying college-brained kids talk about it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nnTVPCwPjhI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mG2W5ziwo7c

But, if you're interested in eternal life. There's one claim of eternal life that is above all others, you'll hear about it all your life, Jesus. He not only says he was going to raise from the dead, and his disciples say he rose from the dead and many throughout history say they've experience the risen Jesus, physically by the power of the holy Spirit entering them and visions and whatever else.
But also Jesus largely talked about eternal life. Jesus is the number one person in the whole world. The Bible is the number one packet of information in the world. This is #1, the first thing to look into, and investigate Jesus' words for yourself by reading the Gospels. Four Gospels, you can listen to audiobooks on youtube in modern english.
I would CERTAINLY, not be spending time on female 4chan to find out about the answer to the universe, I'd start with bigger smarter longer lasting things. I mean, you're going to get advice from some random girl who's lived a few decades maybe on this planet? That's where you wanna get anything from? Don't listen to me or anyone, I'd look into the Bible and Jesus if you haven't. And from there things get quite interesting.

It’s so easy for me to spiral into negative thoughts about my past, and just feel anxious and scared for hours from a single trigger. I hate when I come across someone I once knew from years ago, and I’m sent back into the state of mind I was back then and spiral from there. When it happens at work like it did today, I just pretend I don’t recognize them. Which it isn’t unusual for me to forget people since my memory is very poor and spacey, so I don’t feel too guilty about it. I wish I could really start over again if I could afford it, without having to return to this filthy pothole. I don't want to see any of them ever again. I just want to live in a lonely shack in the swamp.

>>129941
I know about NDEs, they help me cope a little but I have such doubts. I know people have the same experiences on certain drugs. Many NDEs also point to the idea of reincarnation which is scary to me but so is the idea of heaven forever
>I would CERTAINLY, not be spending time on female 4chan to find out about the answer to the universe
After you preach about Jesus, christcucks are so unserious

>>129943
Genuinely not sure what you mean. But like I said, go to Jesus for answers, not idiots on the internet. You're not going to get any answers here. But if you don't want to explore the ONE path to eternal life being put forward, then don't. No time now to think of religion, but eventually you'll find time to die.

"Well waht about… uhhh Hinduism or like stuff." Yeah you can waste your time with polytheism culture religion. Ultimately it's Jesus who has overcome death and is offering others eternal life, and with that we have evidence physical and by experience you will see it's true.

I don't know why they feel the need to check on me after 13 years. Multiple times this week they checked my tiktok.
It wouldn't be a problem if I just let go and get over them, but something in my brain keeps the dopamine channel alive. I know I'm going to meltdown if I reach out, and I'm sure they know I will too.
I miss talking to them, I miss sharing things with them, I miss fucking them. I'm 28 God damn years old and I still can't get over them. Maybe if I got over my executive dysfunction I could work it out, but I feel like I've been in a trench for so long my brain has rotted from the inside out. Decaying in my bed doesn't help the impulse to stalk their socials, reading will always lead me back, gaming is unsatisfying anymore.

I thought I had got over him but randomly after four month Ive started to keep going over ways that I could break no contact.

I know that since hes the one who left it would just be pathetic of me to reach out but I want someway to make him know that I would be ok with starting over but I'm the one who pushed for no contact and have been avoiding him so he probably thinks I want nothing to do with him.

I have to see him in two days at a party for a mutual friend and Im tweaking. Part of me doesnt want to talk to him and I know I have no self respect basically wanting to be his second choice. I literally ran away when I saw him walking down the same sidewalk as me yesterday. I know that even if we started talking again i would be spiralling the whole time so why tf would i want to put myself in that position

I am so confused on how to continue my life. I made a lot of big changes 6 to 7 months ago. Quit smoking weed and drinking everyday, quit microdosing, and am tapering off my meds still. The anxiety I went through was mind shattering. I thought nothing was real and thought about killing myself constantly. I still have issues with reality and suicidal thoughts but they're not as bad anymore.

I've always been "successful" - really good grades, polite, and a great worker, but at the cost of being anxiety ridden and feeling like I never belong. Always listening to what other people say and going along with it while regretting it inside, hating them for it. Wishing I could be me fully, but everyone around me always seems to shut it down. I think I'm intelligent but I hate it and I know how conceited that sounds. The drugs made me forgetful and happy and I lost myself for four years. I've had "me" back awhile and I don't know if I like it. My memory is great, my intelligence is back, and I'm more productive in certain areas and social. But it's back at the cost of hating myself and everyone. Feeling like an outsider, like a manipulator. I love everyone and hate them just as much.

I don't know if the drugs made me more "me" or not. My head is so fucked from my thoughts spinning and reality falling apart a few months ago. I don't know if there's a way for me to moderate. I want to try again but I don't in fear of something. I'm so all over the place now and I hate it.

There was this moid I met online (alongside some others) and we all became a sort of friend group. I became drawn to him because we had similar tastes in music and in our views, and he was just so interesting. We never really grew that close or anything though. Almost every time we did dm it was him reaching out to me about something, but our conversations would never go any deeper beyond whatever it was that he was going to show me or that I was going to show him. I started to develop this big crush on him. He was very smart and working on a PhD but I liked how we both had the same terminally online humor and that he allowed himself to be silly which I found to be pretty cool as he had to do all of these projects and even teach classes. He did eventually show his face when we all did at some point and was pretty hot which just added to it.

This might sound delusional, but I did feel like feelings were mutual. He once said I was attractive to someone but then afterwards said something dumb so it was possible he was just not being serious, but he’d also bring up wanting to move to my state for work a lot. We jokingly got married as that was a feature on this site and he would always say he “loved me as his wife” but I just saw it as being silly and didn’t read into it. I wasn’t the only one who sensed that there was possibly something between us. He did tell me a bit about something bad happening to a family member of his which is pretty personal and I guess he trusted me with that which I appreciated. I haven’t seen him active on the site in months but we did have each other on discord and we’re a part of a discord server consisting of a small group. I noticed he left the server a few weeks ago very suddenly and I haven’t spoken to him in forever so decided to just reach out the other day and ask how he’s doing. I didn’t want to immediately say anything because I didn’t want to put any pressure on him or seem like I was keeping track. I genuinely wondered why he left as he was somewhat active in this chat and we are all pretty chill. He didn’t respond and I did happen to see he was active the other day which meant he ignored me. I’ve been trying to not spiral about this because it’s not like we’ve ever even met each other, and I know he probably is going through his own problems. I just wonder if I did something wrong or if I weirded him out because I am pretty sure he has spoken to the others but just not me. It didn’t help that there was a time he thought I was giving out personal info about him and everyone else to someone who used to be friends with some of us but ended up having a meltdown and turned out to be a weirdo. But that did end up being resolved when everyone realized there was a big misunderstanding. Idk I feel like I’m too caught up in details and things that don’t matter. I mostly just feel pathetic and embarrassed that this is even happening to me. I feel like a creep especially since this is probably one sided, and this is all over the internet, not even irl. I don’t know if I genuinely thought that I had some kind of chance, but things wouldn’t have been possible anyway just because of the distance and cultural differences. I still miss talking to him even as just a friend though and wonder what he’s up to. Idk if it’s insane I even feel this way but it’s like mourning a loss of a friendship or something.

>>129905
Did u get over him? Why was he talking to you when he had a girlfriend?

My bf is suffocation me. We have to do everything together. I watch a tv show by myself. He wants to watch it with me. Even if it’s something he doesn’t want to watch. I play a game, he has to watch me play. I just want to do my own things and him to do his own things but it’s like he wants to consume me. He likes me too much. Like I’m a kitten he’s about to squeeze to death. I’m not trying to be a bitch but god forbid I wanna do things without him interjecting that he wants to do them with me. I literally stopped playing baulders gate because if I tried to just play it without streaming it. He’d throw a fit and bother me about it. So I just felt bad for wanting to play it without an audience. I just quit playing all together

>>130002
Dump him

>>130002
Kill him

People jump into a conversation that’s obviously heading into one direction, but when it gets to it they all get angry it got there.lmao Sure dodge it, keep going in circles with excuses and half assed explanations. That will surely help you in the long run.

>>129800
I'm sick of being the emotionally stable friend that everyone relies on. My friends need to grow up and start handling their shit because I'm not gonna be their mommy.

anyone else noticing the rise in male manipulators?

was waiting for class to start today and overheard a pair of men talking about how they intentionally make their partners angry for entertainment

my dad was acting really weird and provoking my mom constantly at one point last year. i know (dont ask me how) that they were having gross hate sex. theyre not like that anymore but i wanted to shoot my dad in his sleep. i have no idea where he learned this behavior from

i wish male manipulators were constantly ragebaited. i hope their children are beat within an inch of their life and i can laugh about how they were not intelligent enough to avoid it

I phoned Samaritans yesterday and not only did many of my assumptions go unchallenged, my jokes barely got a laugh. I miss my therapist.

Also can I have a job? You, reading this, can you give me money for a job and do so over an extended period of time?

>>130013
dont let em stress u out and just hit them with the dam thas crazy idk what u gonna do bout that if they hit u with smt weird lol

>>130025
Well, gotta find something to insult you for, even if we have only one post to go off of