/feels/ - Advice & Venting

I was similar to you, I got an ADHD diagnosis and got put on Ritalin
>feel much less urge to binge
>More focus
>Don't constantly doomscroll

I was similar to you but I didn't change until I found someone worth living for.

I think people sometimes underestimate how important close relationships can be.

>I'm ugly.
You probably need a good haircut (very good for emotional release, even just a monthly trim), pluck your eyebrows, shave your face and find clothes that suit your colour season (this is literally the biggest hack to 'looking good' - the right colors make you look healthier which is a instant upgrade). Makes all the difference.

>I'm overweight.
Weight-lifting + cook everything from scratch. Get your thyroid + progesterone/estrogen checked as this can keep you fat/depressed.

>I'm extremely socially anxious and autistic, which is why I haven't had a single friend in almost ten years.
I'm still working on this, I make myself go out to events where I can at least say hi and join in with an activity in a group. Also using Wild Violet bach flower remedy actually helps me relax enough to make small talk.

>I lack hygiene
Mix any shower gel in a cup with lots of white sugar, shave/trim your pubic hair then scrub vigorously. Use a non-aluminium deodorant after. Put a specialised cleaner through your washing machine + clean the tray of any mold. Put your clothes on a hot wash with lots of detergent, sometimes it's just your clothes that smell bad and not you. Also, eat kefir/full-fat greek yoghurt as the final thing right before going to sleep - made a HUGE difference to my personal smell.

>I'm incredibly insecure and feel the need to kill myself when I have to think of my pathetic existence, Nothing is fun to me because I cannot concentrate for the life of me.
If you can't concentrate then you need to see a Doctor, could be ADHD or a nutritional deficiency of some kind (like iron). You sound like a younger me talking OP, it does get better if you try to change one thing. I thought I would need plastic surgery on my body to ever find a man, I was so wrong about what I thought about myself and the world opened up once I forced myself to be brave and try different things. Now I have a home, a husband and beautiful children. I'm rooting for you OP, please see a doctor about your health first.

>>130288
I got diagnosed with ADHD just recently, I had tried Vyvanse before and it made me feel very suicidal in the evenings. Maybe I should make the switch to Ritalin…
>>130290
Thank you for your advice. I will try to take your advice for a month straight and then update if my situation has improved.
One question, what do you do in your free time? I think I can reduce the bedrotting if I find an activity to do… but it is hard…

>>130291
Since having kids, I don't have much free time anymore lol but I've always been into picking up new skills.
I do a lot of gardening (growing veg tastes amazing and makes me actually giddy when I eat it, must be the higher nutrition or something) and crochet, knitting, starting to learn how to paint with acrylics in the evenings. You can get nice frames at second-hand stores and it would be nice to put something in them that I've made.
What kind of things are you interested in?

>>130292
>crochet, knitting, starting to learn how to paint with acrylics
Sounds very lovely! I'm really happy that you are still able to pick up hobbies despite having children, your life sounds like a dream tbh. (´ω｀)
>What kind of things are you interested in?
I'm interested in literature, history, planes, nature, specific countries such as Austria and Japan. Wish I could indulge more in those, but as you and other said, maybe meds could help.

>>130293
My life isn't perfect, but it's so much better than when I was 20. At 20, I couldn't actually imagine being where I am now. I also went through counselling/therapy about my childhood (abuse) and it really 'fixed' a lot of things in my head. I'm generally much calmer now and more appreciative of life.

With your interests there should definitely be groups or clubs around you could join. I go to art groups/event where you don't have to talk much but you can still enjoy the company. I heard book clubs are really popular, also check for events run by museums for history/nature etc.
Please remember to get your iron/ferritin checked as well (regular iron supplements don't work for a lot of people, I have to actually eat organ meat or take dessicated organ meats (yuk!)).

I want you to have a beautiful life OP; take things one step at a time. Look into the colour season analysis as well, I always hated how I looked in clothes until I started paying attention to the colours and the difference was literally like night and day.

>>130294
>through counselling/therapy about my childhood (abuse) and it really 'fixed' a lot of things in my head
I always find it astonishing when I hear of people who found therapy to be effective… It seems like this is more of a rare case, in which you need to be lucky to get paired with the right one who actually listens to you. I'm very glad therapy helped you overcome hurtful memories and experiences, I think those tend to hold one back a lot later in adulthood.
>With your interests there should definitely be groups or clubs around you could join.
I would love to join a book club but unfortunately I'm even too anxious to leave the house. My autism isn't displayed when I talk only, for some reason "normal" people can clock it immediately when seeing me. Maybe due to gestures, I don't know eugh (it's exhausting).
>Look into the colour season analysis
Do you have advice on how to do that? I know people pay tons of money to get one done professionally.
Also thank you again for your kind words!! :3

>>130298
>I always find it astonishing when I hear of people who found therapy to be effective… It seems like this is more of a rare case, in which you need to be lucky to get paired with the right one who actually listens to you. I'm very glad therapy helped you overcome hurtful memories and experiences, I think those tend to hold one back a lot later in adulthood.
The first therapist messed me up (not personally just using the wrong method - CBT). My next therapist used 'talking therapy' which involved me getting things off my chest, then they would give their professional feedback on thought patterns or behaviours. It was a great way for me to get over trauma and for my body to actually release the stored stress (that was rough lol). Ever since then I've been trying to be more outgoing, and I actually want to be too.

>I would love to join a book club but unfortunately I'm even too anxious to leave the house. My autism isn't displayed when I talk only, for some reason "normal" people can clock it immediately when seeing me. Maybe due to gestures, I don't know eugh (it's exhausting).
How about attending a talk or a lecture on a subject you enjoy? You can sit at the back and not talk to anyone, but you're still in a group of people who want to focus on the same thing. I've been to a few and it still feels 'social' without having to be proactively social if that makes sense? Also you'd be surprised at the amount of people who don't care about your autism or awkwardness, there are extroverted nice people who like the same things you do and will make the effort to connect - so please don't hide from them :)

>Do you have advice on how to do that? I know people pay tons of money to get one done professionally. Also thank you again for your kind words!! :3
You absolutely don't need to spend money. There's so many useful posts on Pinterest + IG for it, I think as long as you understand the difference between contrast, saturation and cool/warm that's all you really need. I initially didn't like the colours for my season, but once I saw myself in the mirror wearing them I was like "Ok maybe there's something to this after all…"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xqE4EIvMJhI

You're welcome, I just remember being exactly where you were (except from having to work, otherwise I would self-isolate) and I want you to have fun. You're still so young!! Keep posting here with updates:) I believe in you!

I relate anon, I can't get out of bed until 1 or 2 or 3 some days, I have crippling anxiety and am unable to find any joy in life sometimes. My only cope is to remind myself I've gotten out of similar ruts in the past but even then it can only do so much for me. I want to kill myself but I'm too scared to go through with it, I want to feel better but I'm not able to even find joy in the smallest things, I just want to rip all my anxiety and sadness out of my brain and let it fade off so I can be happier but I just can't

>>130288
my doctor wont prescribe stimulants for my adhd because I am fat and my blood pressure is too high T.T

>>130300
>My next therapist used 'talking therapy' which involved me getting things off my chest, then they would give their professional feedback on thought patterns or behaviours.
That does sound helpful, and even though I didn't go to therapy because of childhood trauma, I wish mine was like that too. I wish she would give her professional insights on my problems but instead, she just invalidates every single one of mine. I tell her I have issues with masking constantly since I was a child, and her response to these kinds of things is "No, you don't seem to have that problem"?? It's like going to the doctor because your knee hurts, and they just tell you "No, your knee doesn't hurt. I think you're just imagining the pain!" She also told me that I cannot be autistic because my of my good ability read and write, and because I can feel emotions (I thought she was kidding me but no). What she probably meant was that I cannot be autistic because I'm a woman lol.
>there are extroverted nice people who like the same things you do and will make the effort to connect - so please don't hide from them :)
Well that sounds encouraging, I have met extroverts before who were very kind to me, I guess they liked that I'm quiet because that gave them more space to talk hah. I think I will try to attend such meeting, and if it sucked, I won't have to see the people ever again.
>Keep posting here with updates:) I believe in you!
Thank you anon, I will update under this thread in a month or two from now, I'll try to do as much of your advice as I can!

>>130301
I'm really sorry about that, but I am positive that we can make it out of it. As you have said, you were able to pull yourself out before a couple of times. Also I think it helps to hear of other nonas who went through the same and got better eventually. I think putting in a bunch of effort is worth a try, no matter how hard it will be.
>>130303
Hmm, I have heard of obese people being prescribed stimulants such as vyvanse for weightloss since it suppresses your hunger a lot… Maybe make him aware of that. You'd solve two problems at once.

>>130301
How does your body feel physically? Do you have an illness? I know I said to the OP, but please also get a full blood panel (including serum iron + ferritin) if possible.