/feels/ - Advice & Venting

ive been with this guy for 6 months now and i’ve never felt so fucking horrible in my entire life because of him. we were dating but then he ghosted me for 5 days because i hung up a call to talk to my friend real quick. i was literally gonna call him back and that call only last 10 minutes. after that everything went to shit. he was saying he didn’t love me anymore out of no where. i felt like i got stabbed in my heart 5000 times. i begged him not to leave, bawling my fucking eyes out on call. and he did. so now we’ve been talking and flirting but to him we’re not official, to him we’re “just friends” despite how fucking much he flirts with me. the love he gives me doesn’t even feel real now. also i don’t know how to time all of this, its a lot, i’m sorry. but also i think i may have bpd or something i don’t know. it’s like all the littlest things he does makes me feel like shit and then i bawl my eyes out and start cutting myself. whenever he doesn’t wanna call i do that. or when he slightly sounds like he thinks another girl is attractive or something even though he’s not directly saying that. but also he views women in a very object way. because of that i cant really see men the same either. he’s told me whenever he saw a girl that he thought that was hot, talked about the porn he watched. i felt horrible. i loved him so much i didnt even think of any other guys i just thought, “wow this guy is so fucking ugly and boring my boyfriend is so much better” whenever i saw other guys. and he doesn’t even feel that way back. and when i told him about how i felt about it he just brushed it off saying it wasnt a big deal saying all men do that. but anyway, me and him just got into an argument because he promised me to call but he said he didn’t want to and i started crying and cutting myself. he didn’t even comfort me. he never comforts me. i feel like if he did i wouldnt even care that he didn’t wanna call. but its the fact that it’s like wow he just doesn’t give a shit about me. i just blocked him. please tell me am i fucking crazy? am i overreacting? i’m also partially asking this because he thinks i’m crazy.