/feels/ - Advice & Venting

I feel lonely, but I also want to be left alone. I miss familiarity, intimate conversations, and the kind of easy banter that comes naturally with people who know you well. But when it comes to the reality of maintaining friendships: texting regularly, making plans, calling, showing up consistently, and all the emotional labor that goes into sustaining those relationships… I just can’t bring myself to do it.

I don’t know if it’s because I’m lazy, emotionally drained, or because I’ve learned how fragile friendships can be. People move away, get caught up in work, partners, kids, and family. Life changes, and relationships fade. After seeing that happen enough times, it’s hard to convince myself that it’s worth investing so much effort, especially when it often feels like I’m the one doing the chasing while the other person doesn’t seem to bother.

I envy people who seem to fit into life like a glove. People who belong wherever they go, who can find familiarity almost anywhere. I knew someone like that once. I hope they’re still enjoying that wrinkle in the fabric of life, where belonging comes so effortlessly.