Vent Thread Anonymous 132418
I need some form of advice in this situation because its making me feel like i'm in a forever luteal mental state
I befriended this girl at work early last year and we got along really well. She was a bit shy and hard to talk to at the beginning but I saw a lot in her that I liked so I persevered in forming a friendship. As time went on we became really good friends and I thought she would have been a friend I would have for a long time. She hadn't really had much life experience but that wasn't an issue to me as I was more than happy to introduce her to my friends and guide the way and point her in a good direction as she isn't from my city.
I started to notice her saying weird things, villanising our other co workers, talking about the way her body looks which I would obviously be like oh don't be silly you're so pretty, not thinking much of it at the time.
I started dating my boyfriend a couple months after her and I started being friends and that hadn't changed anything at the time. She was very happy for me and all was well. A few months after that so around 8 months after her and I started becoming friends we decided to move in together.
The first month was great and there were no issues at all, the second month rolls around and at night when my boyfriend would stay over she would start slamming the doors and stomping around the house, I talked to her about it immediately but nothing changed snd she only did and does this when my boyfriend stays over. The first time this happened it marked the down hill spiral of this friendship.
I continued to be nothing but nice to her even though she was displaying really scary behaviours that to me are the most violent you can be without causing physical harm. I would continue to invite her to outings, share music and interests with her, invite her to hang out with my boyfriend and I, Cook her dinner occasionally.
Work changed for me, over time she would tell me all these "nasty things the girls were saying" which I later found out were not true and she had forged a story to stop me from finding out that she was complaining to them about me. saying that " I expected more from moving in with her, I expected to go out more"
She started to express extreme levels of jealousy that made my boyfriend and I feel guilty for being in a healthy relationship, we felt extremely policed, we were too scared to talk over a whisper at night not to upset her.
My mental health over the past 6 months hasn't been at its best, so i decided to take a step back from going out as much and spending more time on myself and my relationship and seeing a new psychologist for my OCD.
When I would invite her out in the past she would either not come along or brood in the corner all night and complain that she's tired. As soon as I withdrew she started going to all these outings in place of me very abruptly, I noticed that in this time she has started to mimic the way I speak, buy close to replicas of my clothing days after I buy something and attempt to copy my identity to and extreme, it makes me feel extremely uncomfortable and stressed,
There are many many other details to this story but this is the run down in a brief, I am happy to answer any questions if anyone has any they'd like to ask
Anonymous 132420
I don't want to villainize socially isolated people but sometimes there's a reason they are socially isolated. They might not be necessarily evil but they are malicious and that's why nobody wants to be around them.
Anonymous 132421
And another thing. You can bet she talks shit about you just like she talked shit about other people. I suggest you choose yourself here.
Anonymous 132422
Socially isolated people are isolated unfairly and because of it they know no boundaries, social morality or other things that are a consequence of effective socialization.
Because of it, anyone who assumes the responsability of socializing with those people have the responsability since they are smarter socially to actually introduce them to proper social cues.
Such as properly stablishing boundaries.
This is awful to say, but if you are befriending someone who does not have much life experience, introduicng her to your friends and expectingh er to behave is too much.
Since there is a high probability she will not be socially capable.
The best you can do is treat her for what she deserves, and do the correct thing, put your boundaries.
It means basically learning to put your limits.
"Hey I think you do this and that" if she says that just treat her like you are teaching her boundaries.
Men do this casually with other men all the time. "Bro why say this haha makes no sense" they eventually notice.
Do not adapt things to her, she has to adapt.
It sounds very complicated because I, myself, am socially isolated because of my aspergers chronically. It does not matter how big my friend circle is. I will always be an outcast by nature.
If that is her case, learn to properly put limits with her. Else she will always harm you.
