/feels/ - Advice & Venting

for whatever reason, i could not stop hurting myself and making bad choices since i was a teenager. always doing weed to try to fill the void of being alone. i never just slowed down or took a rational approach to fix the problem. like simply taking care of my body and working hard. instead i coasted by and am now haunted by regret. i hate feeling envious over people in a relationship. but its a constant dagger in my side everywhere i turn. i failed to do simple things that others can do without thinking. i am a loser lol. my brain is legit damaged with severe memory problems now because of escapism with some trash drug and i've been ready to rope because of that for a few years. my life is now 90% more dull than it already was, which was already bad to begin with. i try to ignore the hurt and embrace the absolute joke of a human i am. and i am sometimes okay at it by just stop caring/searching for stuff outside of myself and needing anything from the world. but every shitty music song practically is about love and i am always reminded that i am worthless and defunct. even with my dog who looks like the puppy in pic rel who is the best thing ever i still feel like i am not enough. but not only that, an existential curse of the feelings i have rid myself of. its this transcendental void that kills me inside. i can barely concentrate or do anything with my life because i just rot in a perpetual state of regret. but i try to not be so harsh on myself and dwell on the sad cloud that keeps following me everywhere i step. my mom tells me to move forward, but its so hard your entire life and mind has been irreversibly ruined. i need to let go of this negativity.