[ Rules / FAQ ] [ meta / b / media / img / feels / hb / x ]

/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

*Text* => Text

**Text** => Text

***Text*** => Text

[spoiler]Text[/spoiler] => Text

Direct Link
Options NSFW image
Sage (thread won't be bumped)

Check the Catalog before making a new thread.
Do not respond to maleposters. See Rule 7.
Please read the rules! Last update: 04/27/2021


Dating General Anonymous 29416

I didn't know if there was one or if you ladies care. So I made one anyway.

Dating General is for asking questions and or advice, sharing experiences, telling stories and so on

Anonymous 29449

How do you meet people to date in irl?
The internet give them a chance to get creep too fast. What happen to getting to know someone?

Anonymous 29546

>How do you meet people to date in irl?
You meet people irl via school, work, clubs and generally places of activities of your interests.
Sometimes it's also via meeting people via social activities like friends' birthdays etc. so you meet acquaintances of your friends. You can also talk to any strangers like in a bookstore or when in a queue.

Anonymous 29561

What gift should i give my bf for his bday? How much should i spend? Is it rude to spend little money even when youre poor? I received gifts twice in my life so i dont have much experience. Should it be smth useful? Pretty? Money doesnt fit btw

Anonymous 29562

In my experience with guys, how much the gifts cost are not really important. What's most important is the thought. IDK your bf, but you should trust your instincts on what to get him as you know his hobbies and tastes best.
In my experience, my ex loved to read and once complained of being unable to sleep. So I regularly gifted books and a very comfortable pillow with a little bit of my perfume on it. That's just an example from me. I also used to like to make DIY gifts, but my recent ex whom I gifted to made me feel really bad about it.

Anonymous 29563

I like to go for useful gifts, personally. Something that you could see them using often.

Are you crafty? Search online for cheap homemade gifts and see if that sparks any creativity. Draw a cute little comic and frame it.

Does he like to cook? Get him a cool kitchen gadget, like a nice silicon whisk or spatula. If there's a particular dish he likes to cook often, there's probably a tool that would make it easier for him. For example, if he cooks stews or soups, a ladle is really nice to have.

Does he like manual labor? A really nice water bottle is something that would last him for years, and you can find a nice one for about >$20. Bonus points if you get him stickers for it. Same goes for coffee thermoses: a nice one will run you about $25-30 but they last a lifetime if taken care of.

Does he use his computer a lot? Does he need a mousepad? What about a desk fan?

A cute picture of you both is a cheesy gift in my opinion, but some people really like getting those. Or a nice picture of his family, if that matters to him.

If you're super broke and can't afford to spend money at all, take him out on a nice day to the park. Go to a museum. Plan a picnic. Beach trip, mountain drives. If he likes hiking, go for a hike.

Gifts don't have to cost money, they can be small and thoughtful.

Anonymous 29566

Get him a perfume that you think smells good. Benefits both you and him

Anonymous 29581

Gifts shouldnt be expensive,and if he gets upset by the pricetag then you are lucky enough to get that red flag early on.

Sexy underwear are cheap by the way.

Anonymous 29588

>sexy underwear
idk what you mean by this. You will probably have to post some pics. Preferably being used for reference :3

Anonymous 29589

fuck off moid tranny

Anonymous 29605


Thanks for the answers guys. He has chronic back pain so i decided to buy him pic related. Will update once he starts using it

Anonymous 29697

Does anyone else not have anything to talk about with guys? All of my interests are really female-oriented, so I usually run out of things to say with guys and end up with awkward silences.

Anonymous 29701

getting gifts for yourselves and pretending its for your boyfriend? lol

what would you say if your boyfriend bought expensive shoes for himself as a gift to you under the logic "well she'll like the shoes on me"

you should get your SO a real gift

Anonymous 29709

Make him talk about his interest, let him carry the conversation. People on general love talking about themselves and what they like. And don't be afraid to do the same.

Anonymous 29733

I think you've misunderstood this part of dating. People with "boring" and/or "obscure" interests fall into the same trap. Talking about this stuff is actually (most of the time) just an activity in trying to get to know each other.
They're trying to understand you and you're trying to understand them. They're not trying to be interested in the same things as you, they're hopefully interested in you - so explain to them what your interests mean to you, what you like about it, why you like it, what you get out of it, how rewarding it is etc. Encourage the same sort of response out of him when he talks about his own interests.

Remember, you're not trying to sell him your interests, you're not trying to make him also interested in the whatever you like. You're seeing if he's interested in you as a person (and vice versa). What someone likes in itself tells you very little of their personality; it's why they like what they do; it's what it means to them; it's what things they get out of it; and all this extra stuff surrounding someone's interests that really tells you about a person.

Anonymous 30115


Stop assuming stuff, anon asked for gift ideas FOR her boyfriend.

Anonymous 30121

/adv/ on 4chins exists you know. It has lots of female posters too.

Anonymous 30124

message her asking if she wants to hang out. now fuck off and delete your post

Anonymous 31798

How often do you like a guy to text between first and second dates? This guy I went on a first date with is sending me daily good morning and good night texts. Am I weird for finding this to be too much? We’ve only met each other once and aren’t in a relationship yet, so it’s kind of clingy and overeager for him to act like we’re so close. Even though we had a good first date, this type of texting behavior is honestly turning me off.

Anonymous 31800

That is such a non-issue. If you think it's clingy for someone to show basic interest in you you should find someone else. There are plenty of low-effort guys that would be more to your liking.

Anonymous 31802


I see. Maybe it’s just me then (I’m pretty inexperienced with dating). I’m a very introverted/private person who doesn’t let people into my life easily, but maybe I should try to be more open to guys that show interest like this.

Anonymous 31804

Break those walls down, anon.

Anonymous 32142

Only ugly guys are attracted to me (i.e. like me on dating apps). The guys who I find hot enough to be attractive are not attracted to me at all. This probably means I don’t look that great myself. What can I do about it? Glow up? Honestly, if I can’t find a guy I’m attracted to to date, I might just stay a volcel.

Anonymous 32145

Is it normal to be annoyed by things your boyfriend is doing/saying when before when you started dating him you liked and found those things interesting that you now hate? Like I used to think my boyfriend always questioning things and finding random things peculiar that I wouldn't think twice about to be a fascinating and a likable trait of his but now I get very annoyed by it and think things like "it's not even that deep. Why is he so weirded out by such normal and simple things? Can he stop questioning everything I say like every little thing has meaning." of course I never say those things to him because that's rude and hurtful but I am starting to get fed up. Does this just mean I don't really like him anymore and I need to end the relationship? I'm normally not a nitpicky person but maybe I'm starting to turn into one?

Anonymous 32149

I would say that's pretty normal, I've heard it referred to as the "honeymoon being over" in terms of the relationship. The novelty of his quirks has worn off and you've probably been overexposed to them if anything. He might be encountering the same sort of feeling from your little idiosyncrasies too, although in my experience men tend to fetishise the personality quirks in their partners and see them as cute or "part of the package" - whatever that's supposed to mean.

I wouldn't say it's something to break up about but do talk to him about it. If you leave these feelings for too long they could turn to resentment and poison the relationship. I've found that guys will usually react in one of a few ways when approached directly about their flawed personalities, they are all just balls of ego after all, but eventually they come around after a bit of self-reflection if they are mature enough. Either that or just learn to live with it and accept it as "part of the package". I hope you manage to fix this!

Anonymous 32156

Fitness, fashion, and skincare are three things entirely in your control that can help tremendously.

Anonymous 32158

I don't think it's normal. It's understandable that you no longer find that sort of thing endearing, but I don't think it's normal for it to turn into something you dislike. It's still part of who he is, and as long as it's not something that causes you harm, you should be able to simply accept it.
The same thing happened with my bf. I no longer find his autistic personality traits endearing, but I'm not annoyed by it.
But I don't think this necessarily means that you don't like him. From what I've seen, people in general just like to control others and tell them what to do/what they think they should do. They think they know better and feel the need to fix others, or just want them to do things their way. And maybe you do know better, maybe your way is the right one, but nobody likes to be told what to do. The best you can do is accept others how they are.
That said, you can and should offer advice. Just be sensitive about it, and don't get upset if he doesn't want to listen.

Anonymous 32280


This is my first time dating. What's a realistic expectation? I always thought that men were going to do things to try to charm a woman, but this guy just sort of shows up and talks to me. I'm confused and wondering if I should keep seeing him.

Anonymous 32286

Liking someone doesn't just come naturally. You have to consciously like them. Chances are he likes you, but you don't like him. Find something to like about him, and not just carnal lust either, but stuff about his personality you crave. What do you talk about?

Anonymous 32290

You should let him know that you like romantic gestures (if you expect/want them).

Anonymous 32292

He's around my age and we can relate to each other and we share some important values. I'm actually very lucky to have found another virgin my age who is a decent person, so if it works it it'll be quite neat. Biggest point of contention is that he just wants to live the rest of his life in peace while I want to do something with my life. I think gemini/scorpio really captures the dynamic we have.

We talk about politics, anime, videogames etc. We have different taste in all but appreciate our differences. Last time we were out I showed him where I went to school and we talked a bit about that.

I've tried to communicate this with him (we were friends before he asked me out so it's not too hard). But I get the feeling that I'm asking too much of him and that it's just not in his personality to act like a romance novel hero. He can do small things like say I'm cute, though.

Anonymous 32293

Maybe give it some time? It took my bf 1 year to start giving me verbal compliments regularly, and getting comfortable with physical affection in public places also took him a while.
I don't think you should expect any guy to act like a romance novel hero tbh.

Anonymous 32296

I think guys worry we might think it's silly when they try do something romantic. Do you ever rebuff his attempts to show affection?

Anonymous 32299


>pictures posing with 10/10 whores on their bio

Why do men fucking do this

Anonymous 32301

It's to show they can "get" such women to either 1) if you are on their level, demonstrate that he is too or 2) if you are less conventionally attractive, make you think he is blessing you with his attention.

Anonymous 32313

Men do this because they think being popular among women will attract more women to them. They talk about this on dating forums and call it the female herd mentality.
I'm sure there are women out there who act according to it but imo, the average woman is turned off by this "manslut-ish-seeming" behaviour. Although that type of man is probably not looking for average women anyway…

Anonymous 32317

Lmao looks like it’s his relatives. Usually on dating profiles less than attractive men posing with attractive women confess its their sisters or cousins which adds even more to the creepy factor

Anonymous 32318

It's not even herd mentality, it's golddiggers. If you see an average or ugly guy with hot women the logical assumption is that he's loaded. Women only respond to this because he basically has a sign that says "I will give you luxury for your pussy".

Anonymous 32327

I've got a date tonight ladies! Wish me luck.

Anonymous 32334

How did it go?

Anonymous 32337

Odd. Some things happened and I'm not sure how I feel about them.

It was at a bar and like, when I drink I go to get fucked up. So I did. Talking was awkward and slow at first but got much easier as time went on. He told me he had Crohns disease and therefore wasnt able to drink much. Then there were some interactions that in retrospect were odd but I didnt notice because I was in drunk mode.
He asked me to go back to his place and I was like "no haha that's like, far from here". He dropped it shortly after and we (I) got a few more drinks.
At the end of the night he offered to take me home and I was like yea ok fine. We got home and I'm almost certain I invited him in. I showed him around my place. I was sufficiently fucked up but i was still pretty mobile. At one point we made out a little bit and he slipped my dress and my bra off like, really fucking quickly. I was like "no I dont want to do this" and he backed off, and didnt try anything for the rest of the night. That kind of left a weird taste in my mouth that's been bothering me all morning, especially considering that I was like, too fucked up to even put my bra back on and just left it on the floor and slipped my dress back on, and he wasnt really drunk at all.
I havent told this story to any if my irls yet because nobodys up so I havent been able to bounce this story off anyone. He was pretty sweet and kind for the other parts of the night. Am I overreacting? I just feel… kinda dumb honestly.

TL;DR got drunk and maybe almost got taken advantage of? Not sure how to feel. Thanks for coming to my blogpost.

Anonymous 32342

Why does it matter if the guy is drunk or not?

Anonymous 32344

Because I was fucked up and he wasn't.
I could see it as a misread of the situation/low inhibitions if we were both messed up. But it just feels weird since I was messed up and he wasnt at all.

Anonymous 32345

Nta but yeah that was a douche move if he tried to take advantage. I’d avoid him because that’s fucking gross and creepy. A nice man wouldn’t have done that to a drunk woman

Anonymous 32346

Do you guys think its normal for a super hot guy to go out of his way to be nicer to a uglier girl?

Ive never been treated nicely by men before or noticed; but I happened to go on a trip with one of the most attractive guys in my school and he was very kind (and borderline flirted with me I think). Ive never in my life felt like a girl before until that day, and now unfortunately im really smitten by him. Hes super charming and a great conversationalist, and we talked for a long time and seem to have similar tastes and interests. I dont care that hes attractive and i just really miss talking with him because hes such a interesting person honestly.

Ive spoken to a few times and hes polite but doesnt seem too interested. Thats cool and i completely understand, but Im befuddled by his kindness. Most guys literally are rude to me if they dont find me attractive. Was it just pity?

Anonymous 32348

Forgive me if I sound rude but why is you being fucked up and him not being fucked up a problem? I'm seriously curious.

Anonymous 32349

Are you moids? It's fucked up because if you are far less drunk or not at all, you are pushing a person who is far less coherent than you into having sex with you. How is that not creepy in the least? You are using the situation to fuck a drunk, that's low.

Anonymous 32351

No I'm a slut that constantly takes sober guys home, I'm just trying to understand why she would let the get in her house if she had no intention of doing anything?

Anonymous 32355

Because she was under the influence and had impaired thinking. Which is why people who are sober should be responsible and not try to take advantage of obviously drunk people.

Anonymous 32359

You're still responsible for the decisions you make while drunk, or else we couldn't prosecute drunk drivers.

Anonymous 32360

Do you really expect a random guy to know all the decisions you would've made had you been sober? That's a very unrealistic expectation.

Anonymous 32362

So, knowing that you are drunk, you invite a guy into your place, start making out with him, and then act surprised when he tried to take it further? I get that he wasn't drunk, but what would you expect the logical outcome to be? Just keep making out and then say "ok you can go now"? He's not a mind reader, and he must have thought you wanted to fuck him seeing how he stopped when you said no.
You're really both to blame. You got lucky that he was just a horny autist this time, but this type of behavior is way too irresponsible.

Anonymous 32364

let's be real she let the guy in and made out with him, she wanted to get laid. I can almost guarantee she had a lil mini panic and said "no" as a jerk-reaction and then instantly regretted it and at that point there was no way that guy was gonna touch her because the golden word "no" had been uttered

Anonymous 32371


Girl that posted the story here with some updates and explanations.
When I invited him in, I didnt have any intentions of having sex. I honestly just wanted to show him around my place and watch family guy. I was having a fun time so I wanted to "keep the party going" i guess.
Secondly, my issue wasnt really that he tried to take things further, it's that he went straight from kissing me to slipping my clothes off. Drunk time moves differently but it felt like he slipped my dress and bra off crazy fast. It was just weird being fully clothed one moment and feeling super vulnerable the next. I am definitely in the camp of "you're responsible for what you do while drunk" and had extra precautions in place in case he got more forceful.
Now for the update, I talked to him about it yesterday morning, and his response was really disheartening. All i really wanted was a "I'm sorry, I didnt consider your feelings and it won't happen again" but the way he said this just seemed like he was mad I remembered. Theres more to this conversation if anyone is interested in hearing it.

Anonymous 32372

More context would be appreciated, because what you've said in your message to him doesn't fully match with what you've said here.

Anonymous 32373

Can I ask what you're talking about specifically so I can adress it directly?

Anonymous 32374

That doesn't sound angry to me. But you can't know if he was a genuinely socially inept horny autist or if he's lying. If you like him you could try again, just don't get drunk, don't kiss him, and don't invite him over.
In my experience it's better to flat out say what you want to do. If you want to hang out, make it clear and let him know that's all that's going to happen.

Anonymous 32376

Oof. The "told you I was socially inept" hit me more like "well it's your fault for talking to me". Shit. Now I'm starting to think I may have overreacted. I bounced this story off 4 irls (two guys two girls) and they all told me to not talk to him/that I was right to be mad so I'm not sure what to think right now.

Anonymous 32378


He sounds alot like the fuckboy Bumble dates I've been on where they get mad I don't put out. He deflected and didn't apologize. He immediately went for pity and hoped his wounded bird ploy would absolve what he did. You're kinda a dumbass for inviting someone to your place after a date and being upset they made moves on you but he's a fuckwit for how he's acting about it too. Talk to other boys.

Anonymous 32380

That should have been the first thing he said. Not the last.

Anonymous 32384

Look. What he did was wrong and if he needs you to tell him that it was wrong, then he isn’t worth talking to. It isn’t a matter of getting an apology, it’s a matter of him not understanding basic boundaries. Block and move on, unless you want to be manipulated by his “pity me I’m socially inept” card.

Anonymous 32386

He took off her clothes after she said no. Learn to read.

Anonymous 32388

He initially asked her to “go back to his place” and she said no. She then had more to drink. She clearly did not want to have sex with him and he took advantage of the fact that she was drunk and quickly tried to have sex with her. This was deliberate and this is where he was wrong.

Anonymous 32392

Having sex with an impaired person alone is illegal. The way he pushed it was harmful and you sound like a male defending this.

Anonymous 32393

They didn't have sex.
He didn't push it, as soon as he was told to stop he did and did not try again.
You sound like you have some sort of moid phobia since you're inventing things to accuse some moid you've never met.

Anonymous 32394

I didn't used to believe that a bedroom could get boring. After all, if both people are interested,sex should happen naturally. I now know that was a retarded way to think. The idea of being with my boyfriend actually seems to turn me off. I don't think he's actively done anything to make me want to do anything, and he doesn't seem to want to do anything with me either. It's just so strange because I absolutely adore sex, and always thought I'd be having a ton with the guy I care about.

I don't really need advice. I'm sure we'll have to break up or resolve this or whatever. Probably the former.

Anonymous 32395

I too am a socially inept autist and I would have worded it in the exact same way. I wouldn't be saying it to blame you, but to make a joke at my expense.
But like I said before you can't know for sure if he's lying or not. Just don't have drunk make out sessions on the first date in the future.

Anonymous 32396

Is it hard to get a bf?

Anonymous 32397

Lie and cheat

Anonymous 32399

I don't know what you mean by that.

Anonymous 32402

Maybe I should refine my question
How hard is it to get a bf in person and not online?
A normal human not some moid on a imageboard or a random hook up from tinder. What your talking about is easily found on /soc or /r9k, that sounds like where you came from.

Anonymous 32404

How hard is for you to visit a pub, party or any sort of gathering?

Anonymous 32405

Too poor to go out drinking and last party I went to was Halloween, I got high and sat quietly in the corner.
But my biggest issue is that I don't know when people flirt with me and it goes over my head. I'm just autistic and don't understand when people are interested so I indirectly turn down a flirt.

Anonymous 32406

you are autistic

Anonymous 32407

Um, no… You communicate with your s/o and see what you two can do to light that spark again. If that doesn’t work out then I guess it’s time for you two to part ways.

Anonymous 32409

>But my biggest issue is that I don't know when people flirt with me and it goes over my head.
You should really consider dating sites/hookup apps and go for a straightforward approach then. You cant miss the cues if there are none to be given.

Anonymous 32489

My bf and I just broke up after over five years together. It was an amicable split, but I definitely ignited it by having a breakdown over all of our pent-up issues. At first everything felt right– the split was definitely necessary– but now that we're both visiting home for the holidays (we come from around the same area, moved away together) everything feels like shit.

Everything in my room, my town, and all around me reminds me of him and all the plans we made together. He is such a positive, sweet soul, but now he talks to me clinically and callously… which I understand, but still, it makes me sad.

Being alone with my family also gives me MASSIVE anxiety, which he always helped with. Without him, I'm a mess. Plus I'm freaking out over finding a new apartment for myself.

It's so weird because right after we broke up, everything felt great. Now that I'm in my hometown, it just hurts. I think I'm just sad over the fact that I no longer have a "safe" person to lean on, but idk.

Tl;dr if anyone has had an amicable split with their partner I'd love to hear some words of encouragement bc right now everything sucks.

Anonymous 32496

This guy sounds like a real self-involved asshole. He's blaming his behaviour on "[losing his] head" and immediately after his faux-understanding remark "if you don't want to see [him] anymore" he tries to guilt you into giving a fuck about HIS feelings. Drop him. Dating someone with Crohn's is already an inconvenience and this guy doesn't seem worth it. you owe nobody an explanation

Anonymous 32502

Idk if I should try dating apps again. It’s like flipping through so much trash to get some treasure. It feels like a waste of time. I have to spend at least an hour of my day swiping to see if I like anyone and then comes the long process of messaging deals/no deal things like watching porn, possibility of having kids, what their education level is, personal values, if they’re a religious nut etc. Plus I get too emotional when I’m rejected or if I find someone who is my standards but then find out later they withheld info or have one “no deal” trait of mine. Thus I feel like I waste my time bothering with dating in general cuz sometimes on the first date I don’t ever feel a spark or chemistry after texting them for about a week. Ugh I don’t think I’m ever going to find love

Maybe I should just dress up nicely and hopefully someone approaches me at a coffee shop or somewhere else. I can know for sure if I’m attracted to them as opposed to judging their carefully angled photo. What are other ways I can meet guys? I’m hoping my sister in med school can hook me up with a classmate but she’s on the hunt for a man herself so that ain’t ever gonna happen. I have no friends to set me up

Anonymous 32510

Why not approach men in real life yourself?

Anonymous 32511

>but then find out later they withheld info or have one “no deal” trait of mine.
I don't think dating is for you. Best way to deal with this problem would be to post a checklist alongside your face on some campus notification board and ask for applicantions.

Seriously, even if you meet someone in real life don't expect them not to have some of the "no deal" traits. What are you going to do? Ask them directly on every issue?

PS. Doctors are some of the biggest dregs of humanity so good luck to you.

Anonymous 32535

Anyone else wish their boyfriend would call/text and ask to see you more? I know without a doubt he loves me, but I hate how often I find myself sending the "whats up" text first or asking to see him. If I don't text him he'll text me first/ask me to do things but it's not the frequency that I want or need. Like if I don't text first at all he may initiate meeting up once a week. He's really not that busy at all right now.

I hate playing the "don't text first" game, we've been dating for 2 years now and that's so juvenile. I asked him to call me first more and told him I don't feel like he puts in enough effort but they were never super serious discussions and change is minimal.

Anonymous 32536

well maybe you need to have a super serious discussion about it with him. Some men are really hopeless bone heads. You can tell them that
>hey i wish you texted me more you know
and they won't even register it as something you really want, it's just small talk to them. You really need to hammer in the point sometimes and be really serious about it

Anonymous 32537

Maybe he saw you as an interesting person and treated you as such instead of someone he wanted to fuck?

Anonymous 32538

So it really doesn't matter now since I broke up with him, but I guess I want a second opinion on it.

>tfw I have really bad anxiety

>date guy for 3 years
>During time I had to deal with his very extroverted friends
>Tried my best
>BF tells me his friends think im weird
>Feel awful
>Meet his family
>BF tells me his parents thought I was weird
>feel awful
>BF himself is nice to me though, bought me Animal CrossingNL when it came out
>Had fun looking at 4chan and watching stupid Youtube vids
>Got along well enough and thought he would marry me
>We move in together
>He talks about how "we" should lose weight and I agree
>after that I get policed on anything I eat
>he tells me my arms are the ugliest part of me
>eventually gets a really bad job and kinda breaks
>tells me hes not sure he loves me anymore so I leave

3 years later

>start talking to him again

>tell him my tubes are tied
>he tells me I crippled myself and made a mistake
>I tell him we cant date if thats really going to bother him
>somehow we end up together again
>things seem much better than before, but I spend more time abroad than with him
>I wear full lolita a lot of days and he told me many times I needed to "grow up" and wear "real clothes"
>Told me to hide my power level
>Every time I brought up how this made me feel he told me he was just being honest and its objectively true that normal people dont dress like I do
>I tell him I dont feel accepted
>He tells me how hes never told me I couldnt do what i liked
>thats true
>He tells me he doesnt understand why my dresses mean so much
>I try to explain
>He doesnt get it
>Tells me I need to see a therapist
>Tells me he doesnt think I should leave
>Tells me he takes care of me and doesnt mind it
>But I just couldnt do it anymore
>He also got angry at me talking at 2 in the morning to a friend who just went through a devastating death
>He also called my childhood friend a "random guy"

It seems so clear if I right it out, but when we talk he made me feel like I was insane to be angry! Was I being insane? Are these normal things? Am I asking for too much? Was I the bitch?

Anonymous 32539

*write not right, ugh

Anonymous 32540

>I wear full lolita a lot of days and he told me many times I needed to "grow up" and wear "real clothes"
he was right

Anonymous 32541

Why? who am I hurting?

Anonymous 32542

If he wore a Shrek costume every other day with body paint and all, trying to mimic the scottish accent, how would you feel?

Anonymous 32543

lol ok, thats quite a bit different than a frilly dress with no body paint or accent change.

But nice try.

When I say full lolita I mean dress, socks, shoes, head piece. I didnt wear like dresses to go see the Queen.

Anonymous 32544

However if he wanted to dress in similar fancy clothing or a suit every day or something then I wouldnt care at all.

Theres a difference between a costume and fancy attire; you cant compare a halloween costume to it.

Anonymous 32545

Why? He wouldn't be hurting anyone. I'm asking this because the answer is simple; you'd find it ridiculous and embarrassing because it differs from our social norms so heavily. It doesn't need to hurt anyone.

Walking around with an adult woman dressed up as a pretty princess is embarrassing because it's not socially acceptable. If you really want to do it, you're free to do so, but feigning ignorance and not understanding why people might not want to be associated with you when you do so is just naive

Anonymous 32546

But I didnt dress up like a princess. I dont wear sweet lolita…

And I never said I didnt understand why he didnt. I said I didnt feel accepted, and I don't think I was.

I also dont think its right to tell someone they need to "grow up" just because you dont like their clothes.

I really dont care much for socially acceptable, but theres just no way to compare body paint and a fake accent to a set of clothes.

If he wanted to wear shreks clothes every single day without the paint or fake accent, I would find it a little funny sure, mainly because it just isnt attractive to me, but I wouldnt tell him to grow up. I wouldnt care about going out in public.

Anonymous 32547

but by not accepting Shrek, don't you see how you're drawing an arbitrary line somewhere in the sand? His line is more strict than yours, there's really not much more to it than that. Also I really doubt him telling you to grow up is solely thanks to the lolita costume, it's probably just a culmination of everything going on with you. You probably are weird anon, like everyone around you has said, and he thinks you should "grow up" as in stop being so weird. I can't really even try to give any meaningful response here because I don't know either of you or your situation. But there's nothing wrong with being weird and I really do find you endearing, but not a lot of people can deal with it in day-to-day life. Maybe you should have a talk with him, tell him that you're unlikely to ever change because there's nothing wrong with who you are, and if he can't deal with that then maybe it's better you guys break up

Anonymous 32548

Well this was some years ago so its all good now, I just sometimes feel the nag because I really dont have anyone to get second opinions on it

Anonymous 32554

it feels shitty, like im begging someone to be more involved. i've always been a "shitty texter" and super introverted but now I just always want to talk to him.

Anonymous 32556

I’m too shy ._. I am also stunted. In high school I was homeschooled so i suck at social interaction let alone flirting and scouting out men. All the cute boys in my college classes are taken too
I don’t have high standards and my list isn’t long and detailed. Just be hygienic, have some chemistry, have hair and teeth, educated, and not be pervy. I love prude men but so many are the opposite nowadays

Anonymous 32561


> Just be hygienic, have some chemistry, have hair and teeth, educated, and not be pervy. I love prude men but so many are the opposite nowadays

Maybe date some Asian guys. I’m Asian and find a lot of Asian guys fall into these criteria.


It sounds like you and that guy are just not compatible honestly. As you say, you don’t really care much about what’s socially acceptable. He clearly cares about what his friends, family, and other outsiders think. Don’t try to force a relationship that’s not gonna work.


I don’t really know the answer to your question, but can really relate to what you wrote, because I’m kind of an ugly girl and had something similar happen to me recently. Especially this > Ive never in my life felt like a girl before until that day
I’m completely smitten by that guy too because of this.

Anonymous 32568


So I met up with him again soon after my post.

It turns out that he has been holding back the entire time because he isn't sure if we'll be able to be together. He knows that I want to save myself and he agrees with it. He had told me something like this in the past but I guess it just didn't register for me that it was the reason he behaved the way he did.

But then he suddenly leans in, gets me to lie down on my back, and then kisses me repeatedly. He said he did it because he thought he was making me impatient, which he did and I showed it, but I thought that he just didn't like me and it made me insecure. What a mess of misunderstandings.

Anonymous 32584

idk anon reading this kind of makes me mad too so i think you're in the right. i wouldn't really expect anything less than support and understanding from my partner about hobbies i enjoyed much less being.. borderline berated for it. but i also don't have really any dating experience and might have high expectations in comparison to what's actually out there. still, it doesn't sound that unreasonable to ask for a partner to understand a hobby that makes me happy considering that hobby isn't hurting anyone. it kind of sounds like he wants you to change into a version of you he wants you to be in his mind.

Anonymous 32718

Is it a red flag if all of your boyfriend’s friends are terrible people? I’ve hung out with them before and don’t like a single one of them. They talk shit about each other behind each other’s backs, act incredibly entitled, are rude to waiters, and are kind of unfaithful to their partners even when in committed relationships (i.e. texting other people flirty texts late at night). My boyfriend hasn’t shown any signs of that, but is there truth to the saying that birds of the same feather flock together? Should I be careful?

Anonymous 32719

Not necessarily. Maybe their friendships are based around shared interests rather than shared values, for instance. You'll have to ask why he's friends with these people.

Anonymous 32727

>always hear guys complain that women don't date nice guys
>finally have the chance to prove them wrong
>choose a guy that treats me like shit, even though I had the chance to go for a nice dude

I think there is seriously something wrong with me

Anonymous 32728

at least you guys have some guts to clear the misunderstandings, usually guys act like they don't give a fuck about your feelings, and you are too embarrassed to mention directly what's making you insecure

Anonymous 32730


Is it possible for a person to truly change drastically for the better and sustain it? There's this guy who I've known for 3 years who used to be kind of an asshole to me and we had a falling out a year ago which resulted in me telling him off about how he needed to work on himself and stop being shitty, etc.

Fast forward a few months ago, he comes back into my life and he is a completely different person. Sweet, considerate, patient, kind, motivated, empathetic, the total opposite to how he used to be. Well I am starting to fall in love and he also confessed feelings for me and basically attributes his whole change and wanting to be a better person to me.

I'm just worried that this change is going to be short lived though I've been given no indication otherwise. I don't want to get hurt is all I guess but I also don't want to miss out on an opportunity to date someone that I actually feel genuine love for and greatly proud of him for his progress. So I guess I would like input on this, thanks.

Oh and some of the things that he did back when he was an asshole was pick on me for my weight despite being fully aware I've suffered from anorexia and that it was triggering to me. Also telling me something along the lines that I deserve to be alone forever because he confessed feelings to me a year ago but I rejected. He seems very regretful about it though and has apologized unprompted many times but I don't hold a grudge and thinking about that past doesnt bother me anymore

Anonymous 32731

Depends what age. Almost every single person I knew in high school at 18 changed drastically by the time I saw them again at 23.

Anonymous 32732

I met them when they were 19 so they're 22 now.

Anonymous 32735

I had only recently got to a healthy weight for my height after being severely underweight for a long time. I don't think its unreasonable that having someone constantly telling me that I got fat and pointing out parts of my body that they thought were especially pudgy would upset me and make me regret gaining weight even though I medically needed to.

Anonymous 32737

have you ever had stomach issues like ulcers and digestion problems or was it just weight? If not… I know someone who had similar problems but that was the only way i knew it was really serious..

Anonymous 32738

What were his issues specifically.. I cannot make a perfect recommendation because i just don't know enough details, but what did he do to you besides this? Did he ever physically harm you?

Anonymous 32740

I actually think I figured out the answer myself based on what >>32731 mentioned. Especially because I remembered I've changed too.I know I'm slow. Realizing now my question was a bit silly to even ask. Also no, it never got physical.

Anonymous 32741

Another important thing I have found is age difference, how many years are you two apart?

Anonymous 32758

What was your decision Anon? I am curious because I am going through a similar situation recently, but it is the opposite. There Is someone who I loved, but they said that they could not be with me until I got more mature, and last week I talked to them. Did you decide to give them a chance, or have you found others and left him? Your last reply makes me think you accept that maybe he is better.

Anonymous 32759

I decided that I would give him a chance but I told him we need to take things slow which he absolutely agreed with. I hope things work out for you.

Anonymous 32770


>Well I am starting to fall in love
>I decided that I would give him a chance
So which one is it anon? Are you philandering around or are you in a fully polyamorous relationship?

From my experience letting the past get in the way of present relationships always ends bad.

Anonymous 32771

Sounds like you fucked him up pretty bad and now he cant stop thinking about you. Hes definitely the same guy for the most part, and the only way for his wounds to heal would be to stay away from you. It might not bother you anymore, but he probably can't go a day without feeling shitty about his interactions with you, or wondering what you would think of him now.

Anonymous 32816

I changed from being bitter and mean to being kind and positive. But it was a gradual process over the course of some years. It was a result of both becoming a more balanced (and happier) person, and from going out of my way to learn how to do nice gestures. (I was raised in a rather frigid household so never knew how to express the good feelings that I did have.)

I wouldn't believe it if someone's actual personality changed over the course of nine months but if his mood improved and that made him nicer then yeah. He may be able to keep it up but expect him to fall back into old habits from time to time.

Anonymous 32901


I messaged my boyfriend saying that we needed to talk about our relationship about a week ago because it's been feeling like we've grown apart. I never got a response and upon investigating further I found out he's blocked on social media so that probably means my numbers blocked too then. Does this just mean it's over? I guess it does. I just wish he had the decency to just tell me especially since he complained about his last ex basically doing this very same thing to him before

Anonymous 32903

How old are the two of you?

Anonymous 33299


There's this guy I met. I didn't expect to meet anyone. I am too busy finishing my post-grad, I live in a different country, but it happened.

When we met, the sparks were flying, we clicked so well, it was a while that I would feel that way about anyone, ever since my ex and I broke up a year ago. I was actually seeing someone, but it wasn't working out, so I ended it.

Anyway, this new guy and I end up talking every day, all day, for a month and a half. We have so much in common, and I feel like he gets me. We say goodnight to each other. We call. We like each other. We flirt. And we decide to go on an "actual" date, a small trip just the two of us, a city break away.

We spend three days together, and it is lovely. But the first day I learn that actually, he went through a pretty bad breakup with a girl he was in a relationship with for over five years, only about two months before meeting me. And they still live together.
Turns out he's a little bit in denial about the effects of the breakup, and it starts sinking in once he moves out. And he's sad. And realises he's not ready for a relationship. Which I get, breakups suck, even if you're the one instigating it, and it takes a while to get over it.
So I try to give him time, and space. The distance is both a blessing and a curse - on one hand, he can have as much time and space as he wants, on the other I wish we could just date like normal people, get to know each other at a casual pace without pressure. I really would like to give it a go… Because I truly believe we could be great together.
But I know he's not ready, and that's ok. I just wish I knew what he wants. If he wants… Me. But maybe in also scared to find out the truth - it won't be easy, either way.
Time will tell. I'm just gonna concentrate on finishing my degree. Ugh. I really know how to choose'em.

Anonymous 33311

Wow, that was real fucking rude of him. Definitely not relationship material. Sorry that he did that to you though, it really sucks, speaking from experience.

Anonymous 33329

I'm virtually uninterested in sex unless I'm dating. Then I'm kind of obsessed with it mostly cheating on them. I wish I could stop doing it.

I tried everything but soon as soon as I start meeting up I do it. I hit on others right in front of them blatantly and don't bother to try and hide it. I just don't care if it hurts them I just have this compulsion to try flirting with men. I feel dizzy and light headed, kind of like the opposite of fainting like my fucking head will explode or my heart will burst out of my chest like the chest bursters in aliens if I don't hit on other men when I'm dating one.

Anonymous 33330

It sounds like an open relationship could solve your dilemma. It's not cheating if both parties agreed to it as a condition of their relationship. Have you considered that? Or is it aspect of cheating itself what gets you going?

Anonymous 33331


>dat cuckoldress energy

Anonymous 33334

Sounds like genuine mental disease.

Anonymous 33380

I've dated my bf for a year and 3 months and have never had an actual fight. Is this normal?

Anonymous 33389

I would say its common for some people to not expierence fights and you should feel lucky that you guys dont. It probably means you guys are good at handling your feelings towards each other before it gets heated and thats a good thing. On the other hand if you ever do expierence one eventually just make sure you both realize its not the end of you relationship and somethings things happen. Its only really bad if you're pushing things under the rug and letting any negative feelings you have fester and being kept to yourself then one day one of you is just gonna flip out if thats the case.Its good to let some things slide because it can lead to nitpicking if you bring it up often but if you're letting major things that upset you and that keep bothering you slide then thats a problem that you need to address.

Anonymous 33391

Yeah I'm not sweeping stuff under the rug, I just don't have anything to be angry about and neither does he I think. But my automatic response to confrontations is avoiding them at all cost so I'm afraid that no fights could be a bad thing. We've had small disagreements and arguments but no big fights. I'm afraid it could be a lack of communication too.

Anonymous 33465

someone ask me a question in the context of this thread and I'll try to answer it based on my own unique experience

Anonymous 33497

Trying to understand what happened with my ex. I tended to see only the good in him–desireable qualities, what we had in common, good parts about him, times he was kind, etc. Once in a while he'd do something off but I ignored it, like I was blindfolded. He broke up with me because he "couldn't see himself marrying me, and he had this ex 5 years ago he did feel that way for so he knows what it feels like." It wasn't a super long relationship so I'm fine with it. However, some things are still bothering me. He used to insult me a lot. He'd disguise it as a joke, but it wasn't, it was really venomous. And his insults never even made sense. One time I got a bag of salad for my dinner (he was eating his own special food) and he said, "that's rare, you never eat vegetables." I eat vegetables all the time…My diet is really healthy and full of vegetables and lean protein. I almost never eat junk food. He is actually overweight and does have a horrible diet, though, and never eats vegetables. So when he said that I wasn't even upset, just confused and gave him a look. But I'm an adult so I just carried on. He would say mean things about his exes all the time and it bothered me, but I just ignored it. Another time, whenever I went to his place I'd put my things in a pile on the floor at the foot of the bed, because he didn't have an open shelf for me or anything. He said something like, I can just imagine what your apartment must look like, implying it was super messy, and he said it in a mean way. My place is actually spotlessly clean, and besides, where else am I going to put my stuff, you don't care enough about me to leave me a shelf and it's full of decorative items, despite my going to his place 2x a week. I had some things I would leave at his place (sweatpants and a blanket) and instead of giving me a place to put them he just shoved them in the closet against the dust-rag, and they started smelling like closet. Another time he was like, "Why do you always lean on me?" You know how a woman will rest her head on her man's shoulder when they're sitting on the couch? I'm not fat, I'm 120 lbs. Then he said that in a nasty voice one day and started leaning all his bodyweight on me, and it actually hurt and he wouldn't stop.

These are probably warning flags of an abuser. I'm over it. The problem is, I don't understand why I put up with that shit for so long. A lot of the guys I date start doing abusive things, and my parents were abusive too. Usually I'm pretty good at recognizing signs, but they're everywhere, it's like the universe put an "abuse me" sign on my back and every asshole in 50 miles just flocks to me. So I start second guessing myself like, is literally every guy I date abusive or at what point is it normal and I'm just overreacting? It's like the planet is gaslighting me. So I'm upset at myself for being blind to it for 6 months.

A guy on tinder insulted me 3 texts in and I unmatched him instantly.

Idk, is it possible to find a guy who isn't abusive, or should I just give up and buy a dakimakura?

Anonymous 33499

>he tells me I crippled myself and made a mistake
I mean. Sounds like a fundamental difference in lifestyle choices right there. There's more than one guy in the world, just find a new one.
As long as you aren't being super autistic and crawling under the tables, that's pretty scummy. It sounds like the woman he wants isn't the type of person you are. Do yourself a favor and move on. If you have to change yourself to fit his ideal then that's neither a favor to yourself nor him.

Anonymous 33548


Am I crazy? My boyfriend construes many of my criticisms of him as projection. It's pretty much his go-to response. I don't even know what's real anymore.

It's tough because I don't like to immediately assume the reasons why anyone does anything is necessarily projection, I think a person needs more information before they can definitively claim that. He sometimes appears to project a good amount himself, but I don't assume and I don't accuse him of that because I think it'd be unfair of me.

Is there some helpful way to handle this situation? Am I just too cautious in making assumptions about what people are thinking?

Anonymous 33550

Using "projecting" as a argument only works in anonymous imageboards because you don't know the other person. If you know them in real life it's obvious if they're projecting or not. If the flaws you're criticizing don't exist you're projecting, if they do exist you're not.

Anonymous 33551

Well, he is often condescending and this has been confirmed by a friend of his that he comes off that way. Him being condescending to me makes me think he views me as inferior to him or weaker. He claims the fact I get the idea he view me that way is only projection on my part. I am trying to gauge whether that is true or not - I haven't felt that my past partners viewed me that way, and I don't consciously think I am inferior or weaker than him, and even to an extent I know he doesn't at least consciously think that, but I do think he may feel that way about me due to his actions.

Anonymous 33552

But maybe this is all an elaborate ploy of mine to justify my projection?

I appreciate outside opinions.

Anonymous 33563

Honestly it sounds like he is gaslighting you and trying to get you to believe that how you feel is invalid and make you seem crazy for it. You don't seem to be crazy, I think he's just an asshole and doesn't want to accept that anything could be wrong with him. You shouldn't put up with that kind of behavior honestly, it'll take a huge toll on you.

Anonymous 33564

You might be projecting, but it doesn't matter. The point is that you feel this way, so you two should try to solve the problem together. Being condescending is not a good thing, that alone is enough to make you feel bad without you thinking about the other stuff. Forget about the whole weak and inferior thing, just explain that the way he talks to you makes you feel bad and that you would like him to stop.
If he does see you as someone inferior there's nothing you can do anyway (except change his mind through your actions) so just live with what you have and try to make things work. He might not understand or even disagree, but that doesn't mean he should brush off the problem.

Anonymous 33566

Should I follow a guy's social media that I found? We aren't dating yet (or maybe ever) but figured my query should go itt.
Surrounding circumstances:
>he asked me to coffee today and we talked a lot
>he paid for mine
>didn't exchange social media despite almost doing it several times
>we have a group project coming up
>his instagram is just his first name, not like I had to go digging far
>his profile is public

I could also just wait until Monday to ask but I'm an impatient baby.
Truth is I found it before even talking to him, but back then it was clear I shouldn't follow. Now? Weh.

Mostly I just want him to see my art so he knows he can 100% go ahead and pursue me if he wants. I draw guys who look kind of like him lmao. I just also don't want to be too creepy.

Anonymous 33567

>Mostly I just want him to see my art so he knows he can 100% go ahead and pursue me if he wants. I draw guys who look kind of like him
Lmao. This will not occur to him at all.

Anonymous 33568

What if it's a very clear feature? He's really small and I draw a lot of short guys. He even brought up his size a couple of times today.

He also makes art and, surprisingly, listens to what I have to say. Would that make it more likely?

Anonymous 33583

I feel like I owe getting my current bf due to the law of attraction. I was so frustrated with the lack of progression in my relationship with my ex and how stagnant he was in his personal and work life. I broke up with him but I wished him all the best. However that inspired me create a mental list and manifest what I wanted in my next relationship. The list had 4 traits my ex did not have; I quickly made it up out of frustration and jest.

A month later, I met a guy irl that was everything on the list. From the first day we met, the chemistry and attraction between us was nothing like I had ever experienced. Our relationship works because we understand each other on a deep personal level even though we grew up differently and had life experiences.

And also this is the very first guy that has actively pursued me and talked about our future. I think that has made a difference too. Never chase after a man, ladies. If he wants you, he will make sure no one else gets you.

Anonymous 33621

>Never chase after a man, ladies. If he wants you, he will make sure no one else gets you.
>implying all men and women are the same and like the same things

Anonymous 33622

follow him already, why not, if you're looking for a sign this is it

Anonymous 33648

>lol just wait for a guy to chase you down it's that easy bee urself lmao what you are actually trying to get a boyfriend? great way to get a shitty one
Fucking Stacies out REEEE

Anonymous 33657

>Never chase after a man, ladies. If he wants you, he will make sure no one else gets you.
This is such retarded advice. Obviously don't "chase" anyone, but if you want to date someone then ultimately it's on you to make a move.

Anonymous 33662

Alright anonymous ladies dismiss my advice and do whatever you want.
But look at sexual dimorphism and how in the reproductive system the sperm goes to the EGG.

Oh yeah, dudes are horrible at taking hints so be direct/ obvious as possible when showing interest.

Anonymous 33668

>the sperm goes to the EGG
This sounds just as retarded as the key-lock comparison where key = dick and lock = pussy.

Anonymous 33683


Boyfriend said he’s afraid he’ll do something dumb and lose me. I reassure him and tell him I won’t be leaving him.

Something I didn’t think about until now is… Why did he randomly say that?

Anonymous 33684

He can be feeling insecure about his:
personality, appearance, status.
Maybe you are less affectionate to him than he is used to, or he's about to take a big risk, maybe he got into or is planning some shit that he doesn't want you to know about yet.

Anonymous 33685

I think it's safe to assume that he jerks off to loli.

Anonymous 33686

I'm so sorry

Anonymous 33687

Anonymous 33695

So the only date I ever went on wound up under a bridge during a rainstorm with the guy I liked complaining non stop about his nice shoes getting wet until he called a taxi and went home. I have no experience. I've just met a guy at uni, he's kind of weird, but intensely smart, extremely funny, generous and he likes me. I asked him out and I can't tell if his suggestion of going to a shooting range was a joke or not. Is this kind of thing a big red flag?

Anonymous 33696

Ummm that doesn’t sound like a very good date unless you’re into shooting as well. He kind of seems like a hick… But try and make a suggestion and see if he’s open to it.

Anonymous 33697

I've never shot a gun before, so I have no idea.

Anonymous 33698

Thank you for this, anon.
I vented the bad stuff in the other thread, but this worked out in the end.
I might have something here and it's partially thanks to you hehehe.

Anonymous 33699

I don't think so, but depends on the guy. Lol I think >>33696 is right, shooting seems like a hick hobby. When I was living in a college town, I attracted townies (country guys) that would be into that sort of thing. The guys that were students (mostly suburban) never looked at me twice, REEEE

Anonymous 33704

It sounds like he wants to share his hobby with you/show off his skills and possibly sneak in some light body touching. I'd go!!

Anonymous 33705

He's probably testing the waters with you. I'm assuming you live in the US or Canada, and even though recreational shooting is much more common in these countries, there are still many people who view it as "weird" or "scary." Like >>33704 said, he probably wants to make sure you won't judge him because of his hobby.

Anonymous 33706

proposing a shooting range isn't necessarily a hick thing, it can also just be a "ah you've never shot a gun before? it's not crazy, and it's worth a try"

Anonymous 33708

>meet guy
>super nice and respectful
>good conversations
>compliments me a lot for my personality and skills but also for my looks (which is super rare for me)
>has 3 kids and an ex-wife (dealbreaker)


Anonymous 33710

He probably just wants you to take care of his kids. Harsh but true.

Anonymous 33713

obviously you're supposed to reply "b-baka!!" But tbh I know what you mean I think I am one too, but I'm becoming more normal I hope

Anonymous 33718

This will actually set him off and make him feel unloved. Reality does not imitate art. Just reciprocate his affection until your inevitable breakdown from finally being touched. Hopefully his love is genuine.

Anonymous 33721

Is it wrong to date a guy just because he's handy? I met a guy and he's not really my type, more masculine than I like, very opinionated and with a "broad" AKA edgy sense of humour, but after we went out together with friends, he noticed my car's starter was kind of struggling and fixed it on the spot, which I found out would have cost me like $400. He came to a party at a friend's place and fixed a leaky tap, then came back and fixed their plumbing.

I have a bunch of shit that needs fixing an no money to do it. How morally wrong would it be for me to date him until he fixes it? Sure I'm misleading him, but I'm not abusing him and he seems to enjoy helping people, so I'm just repaying him with companionship and intimacy rather than cash.

Anonymous 33723

Very. He could be with the one he loves, and you're occupying his mind. At least try to love him.

Anonymous 33724

That's really fucked up. Stop giving the incels lurking on here ammunition.

Anonymous 33726

lmfao anon you heartless bitch what the fuck
How about you treat him well as a human being and as a friend

Anonymous 33727

Give him to me, I would actually appreciate him.

Anonymous 33728

Go for it. If it doesn't work out then it doesn't work out, he has no right to complain about it.

Anonymous 33730

This post reeks of must.

Anonymous 33802

So I went for it, we had lunch and he just fixed the malfunctioning lights in my room that would have cost soothe $400 or so. I'm also kind of softening up to the whole overt masculinity thing, even if he does make jokes at the expense of the worst and most obscure tragedies in human history.

Anonymous 33803

Anonymous 33807

I dislike both of you.
So you probably belong together.

Anonymous 33809

He's probably the type of /pol/ tier men who complain precisely about women like you. Thanks for proving him right and contributing to the incel problem.

Anonymous 33810

I don't get these replies. Anon said she was having money problems and you act all and mighty lol. It's a white lie.

Anonymous 33811

And then she's gonna dump the guy when there's nothing left for him to fix. How would you feel if someone used you like that?
This isn't even about being male or female or romantically involved. She's being a bad person.

Anonymous 33812

Not everyone has the choice to be good. Did you even watch Parasite?

Anonymous 33813

How should I escalate with a guy I'm doing a uni project with?
We get along very well and he seems to enjoy my company, I just don't want to ruin it or make the project awkward since it's just the two of us.

How do I drop hints? Or should I just wait until after exams to bluntly confess?

We have a break soon, also. Should I ask to hang out if we've known each other for two weeks?

Anonymous 33814

what subject are you doing anon? Im having a very similar situation I posted about in a vent thread lmao

Anonymous 33815

Those people should just kill themselves desu.

Anonymous 33816

>not everyone has the choice to be good
Obviously, yet their choice in being criminals as opposed to revolutionary is retarded.

Anonymous 33818

It's a business course.
Are you the anon who keeps updating? If so, I always wish you the best.
Or…are you him? Kek I did hint that I post on a tiny imageboard.

Anonymous 33819

yeah Im the anon who post updates lol. I doubt your guy knows about this place

Id say two weeks is enough time to ask him to hang out. maybe ask him if he wants to go see parasite. it p popular

Anonymous 33822

Thank you, anon. I'll try to build up to it this weekend.
The last push from this board has brought us closer so hopefully this also works. It gives me confidence to know some gal out there supports me, haha.

And for you: do you think knowing him is what makes him less exciting now, as well? Or do you even think his personality contributes (since you mentioned he's a bit odd)?

Anonymous 33823

I think its a mixture of the fact its hard to have a "flowing" conversation with him and also the fact that the group project is forcing me to talk to people basically every day so my desire for socialising is pretty depleted

hes also someone who shows genuine enthusiasm for things, but Im more sarcastic. I think he took some of what I intended to be jokes the wrong way, which has put some distance between us

good luck tho. I hope things go well for you!

Anonymous 33834

>guy is hurt because his ex didn't break up with him in person
>send him a message about wanting to break up with him
>shocked that he blocked you
Yes, i know it's a little different but not THAT much, you know? with his ex he just noticed he was blocked one day, with you he just got a message about "needing to talk" AKA i'm breaking up with you.

Anonymous 33956

Is it a bad idea to stay friends with someone who rejected you? i had a guy recently who i really clicked and we were flirting together reject me because his ex who he loves came back into his life. i feel very disappointed to say the least and a little hurt but i'm not devastated because its not like we had been talking for THAT long. i just worry if we continue to stay friends that i will just be hurt in the long run. does anyone have expierence with this?

Anonymous 33970

Cut it. Unless he's really good with conversation, I wouldn't stick around for the fallout.

Anonymous 33974


He ended up telling me that he wants to continue talking to me incase things with his ex (now gf again) doesn't work out. To have me around as a second option. So I guess I got my answer

Anonymous 33984

If he rarely messages first does it mean he doesn't like me?
He replies quickly (and often in detail) and always interacts with my social media posts. We have met up twice outside of convenient times (meaning right after class). He seems to enjoy interacting with me in person and always like to extend our time together.

It's just this. We aren't dating so I'm worried he actually doesn't feel the same because of it.

Anonymous 33986

maybe he feels like hes bothering you if hes messaging you often

Anonymous 33995

Nope, don't make excuses for this. Chances are he forgets you when you aren't in his immediate vision. Some people only go for things when they are convenient and don't have to do any work. If you really want to be sure, hold off on messaging him first for a while and see if he even bothers to reach out. If he doesn't, you have your answer.

Anonymous 34003

>lol just ghost him
Do you try to ruin relationships on purpose, or is it just subconscious?

Anonymous 34006

Maybe, idk. He has expressed insecurity about being boring before but he's not a shy boy. Kind of passive, but not shy.

See, I was doing this but then caved and messaged him today since I simply love talking to the man. Eh, it might be easier to do when I'm not on holiday. But by then I'll be seeing him almost every day so neither of us would need to anyway!

He does remember details about me if that means anything. A friend of his also followed me out of the blue at some point, which could indicate talking about me.

…if I messaged him then ghosted over a weekend it probably would cause intrigue. But it's also manipulative and bad.
I only ghost when my mental health demands alone time. Honest ghosting.

Anonymous 34007

It isn't ghosting. It's simply taking a step the fuck back so she can actually gauge his interest and willingness to put in the effort and talk to her. Why would you want a relationship where the other party puts in no effort for you and is completely passive? That can be detrimental later on, when you realize you were supporting the relationship the entire time and they were just along for the ride. I've observed this many times with friends, and it's almost always the woman who is putting in the most effort. If someone wants to talk to you they would make it very clear, like that Anon is doing by initiating. This is coming from someone who loves to initiate and is very proactive too. But conversation and communication takes effort from both parties. From what we've seen, he talks and meets with her mostly when it's convenient instead of making her a priority.

Basically, if you want a serious relationship, you should be gauging if he puts in the effort to talk to you, and actually arranges to meet up outside of convenient times. It's good that he remembers things you say, but keep in mind that is the bare minimum.

Anonymous 34011

I know he's a mouse. There's no doubt about it, but he could just be putting up a façade. Simply reaching out to him about it, or just telling him you'd like to be messaged by him. Prepare for cling.
Remember that he could he thinking that if he so much as sends two texts in a row, that he'll be ghosted. The key is to diffuse the social faux pas, rather than shake the tree until it comes down.

Anonymous 34012

I'm under the assumption that she's actively texting him (multiple times in a row) and trying to have conversations. She can correct me if I'm wrong. If she's reaching out that much, then I'm having a hard time believing that he thinks he can't sent her multiple or longer messages and also initiate more.

But yeah, I guess she can just straight up ask him if they could talk more. Hopefully it doesn't turn into her having to ask for everything, though. Usually having to ask guys to do basic shit like this can be indicative of a bigger problem (laziness, low effort, bad compatibility)

Anonymous 34013

It doesn't mean that at all.

Anonymous 34015

>I'm having a hard time believing that he thinks he can't sent her multiple or longer messages and also initiate more
You'd be surprised. He could be scared to death of rejection. Maybe he's been through it before, or more likely he hasn't. He's probably not lazy, just a nervous wreck.

Anonymous 34017

I guess OP will find out eventually. It's just annoying when men are portrayed as little innocent babby bois when in reality they are simply being apathetic or inconsiderate.

Anonymous 34018

>convenient times
tbf we haven't known each other very long, only a few weeks. 2/6 times have been outside of our regular lunch meets. He also always pays for my food unless I intervene.

It's just bizarre since he is chatty and nice irl, and even during messaging he never lets me be the last one to send a message. He simply also rarely starts them.

What exactly constitutes multiple texts, anyway? I'm sometimes longwinded and often split up messages to avoid wall of text.
Like I said, he usually replies similarly. Even his few starters have been a couple messages long.

I'll try to cool off, though. I've moved a tiny bit past initial infatuation so it should be easier to stop thinking of him 24/7.

My ego likes the narrative that he's intimidated and afraid to bug me, but who knows. I guess I'm more "together" than he is, too, and he has said things that imply he feels this to be the case. I think he's more socially adjusted than me though…

For now I'll just be nice but also stop bothering him.

Anonymous 34020

Ah, that's not a long time at all. I apologize for being nitpicky. You are fine then. If he is still doing this months in then he probably is not interested. It's ok to be enthusiastic but he should also be matching your effort as well. Give it more time.

Anonymous 34021

>he also always pays for my food unless I intervene
All of what you're saying just tells me he's really polite. It'd be a shame if his affection was met with coldness. He might think you're bored of him. Don't waste an opportunity, anon.

Anonymous 34022

Paying for her food is not mere politeness. That's a clear sign he's interested in her.

Anonymous 34029

Nvm, pretty sure he hates me now.
I replied to his message after he went to sleep last night and he hasn't even read it this morning despite being online. I made a good joke and everything.

I thought it was too good to be true. Oh well. I'll probably feel bad for a week and then wait for the next boy to come along.

Anonymous 34030

I think you are being too sensitive. What could he possibly hate you for? And even if he did, that would be completely irrational and I say you dodged a bullet.

Anonymous 34032

Going out of his way every time unless she orders him not to? That's ridiculously gentle. He must be trying really hard to make a good impression. I wonder if he'll put his coat down on puddles, too.

Anonymous 34039


…you were right. He revealed that he apparently listens to a playlist I made him everyday. And he's been throwing (a long!) one together for me, which may have been taking up his free time. FFFFuck.

He's too uwu for this world. Maybe he doesn't like me romantically, but he is very sweet and at least a good friend.
I'll learn to be less paranoid.

Anonymous 34040

>maybe he doesn't like me romantically
I'm pretty sure he only likes you romantically.
No, no, no. You take him and you run! This is seriously a rare find. Don't give me that "too good for me" talk. You need to take advantage of the situation first and foremost!

Anonymous 34068

Some men are just retarded on how to use texting, they don't understand them or something

My longterm BF of 2 years almost never messages me first but in person he is the most loving, warm individual I've ever met.

Anonymous 34070

my kinda cereal.jp…

there's this guy I like but I can't figure out if he likes me back wtf do I do
>used to have Italian classes together last semester
>saw him every other day at school, didn't talk much back then though
>now we're taking Japanese together
>see him once a week
>we're both introverts
>don't talk much but we have a lot of things in common
>I'm the only one he talks to in class
>one day we're both in his car just talking about school and stuff
>he asks me if I want to try taking a drag on his cigarette
>asked him out on a date on valentine's day
>he accepted
>met at a bar/coffee shop thing and had a good time, overall it was pretty chill
>he dropped me off at my house
>gave him a tiny cactus as a present
>he says thanks and hugs me
>we message each other all the time
>i send him heart emojis and stickers but he never reciprocates/leaves me on read when i do
>notice he's never been directly romantic with me
>didn't go to class this week so haven't seen him in a while
is he just really shy or does he put up with me because i'm his only friend?
i feel so dumb for being so openly and obviously into him when i'm not even sure he sees me that way, he's like a solid 8/10 and i'm a 6 at best
i really like him but this is all just too confusing

Anonymous 34072

maybe there right…..
that some times internet
DOES CAUSE loneliness

Anonymous 34073

Who Dat Boy.jpg

A guy I met at a cafe recently posted pic related.
He is pretty cool and lovely, and I want to ask him out. The thing is, he's the vocalist of a relatively well known local band, and I am so freaking paranoid because I think "famous" guys tend to be such fuckboy cunts when they have a girl. Should I do it if I want him for more than a mere date?

Anonymous 34074

Unless he's an idol, you shouldn't worry about being chased away. It's just a Hollywood stereotype, but if he wants to go big and not just make music, then I'd say your suspicions are correct.

Anonymous 34075

Just an update, although my problem is essentially solved.
That anon was right about him having a bad experience in the past. Apparently, a girl he liked for most of his youth lead him along on social media before breaking his heart. He didn't blame her (because he's a sweetie) but it's given him doubt/low confidence. We also talked deeply about feels and stuff today…I don't want to leap into anything too soon, but I can see myself falling in love with him.

Thanks for supporting me, gals. Both in this thread and others.

Anonymous 34078

You are so blessed to have this opportunity. Please, anon. Help him feel loved. Hope the best for both of you.

Anonymous 34079

Their music is pretty good tho, and he said the whole concept came from him. But he mentioned something about rockstar life and leaving the shithole he lives in.
Seems pretty genuine but I don't know how to see this (ToT)

Anonymous 34108

More then that, some of you need to learn to understand that not everyone is as enthusiastic as you are when it comes to talking for its own sake. Especially for introverted people, simple things like tezting6/talking on the phone can be an emotionally draining experience, and a lot of people like that only talk when they specifically feel that they have something they need to say. I used to think that my brother hated the family or something because whenever we text him memes or jokes it takes hours or even DAYS for him to respond. But then when you approach him in person he will talk your ear off, especially when on a subject that he's passionate about.

I think for boys especially a lot of them do not get mental stimulation from talking and sharing ideas purely for its own sake. If bring in constant communication with your SO is a personal line in the Sand for you then sure, move on, but I think it's a grave mistake to jump straight to "this person doesn't care about me/love me because I keep sending them dank memes but they never send me anything!"!

Anonymous 34124

Anon with the original issue here. What's funny is that I AM one of those introverts. I've ruined many friendships because I just start ghosting people for months when we don't see each other daily. Even my best friend. At one point I didn't reply to him for a year.

But it's just different when I want to date someone. I want to interact every day; it doesn't tire me out if we get along and I like them so much. The magic of love…or infatuation. Whatever. So I guess I assumed it would be similar for others.

I think the issue here with this guy (which has become clear) is that we're both generally listeners. I talk a bit more, but neither of us are used to leading the conversation. It's kind of great though since we can really share ideas and opinions without either party being too pushy. I'd rather this than someone super outgoing who never hears me out.

He does like talking to me though, and has started a couple conversations now too. I was simply criticizing him for being how I am lmao. Imagine!

Anonymous 34151

Has anyone tried any of the fancier sites like eharmony? I tried Match but it was just a long line of low quality normies.

Anonymous 34152

eharmony is great for guys because the gender ratio is reversed, most dating sites are 60+ men but eharmony is 66% women, that means there are two women for every man on the site

Anonymous 34167

Apparently I read you have to answer 100 or more questions, explains why it chases away more men

Anonymous 34245

I've been single since high school, but I've met a really great guy. We've been together for a while now and while he is smart, funny, strong-willed and warm, there's something I just can't ignore and I don't know if it's a genuine red flag or me imagining it. He seems to be overly cold and logical, able and willing to completely ignore his and other's feelings about anything and everything. He's a scientist, so I knew he'd be very rational, but this is kind of on another level.

It started with small things, like dismissing mass international tragedies without a hint of compassion or surprise. It started to worry me when we witnessed a car crash and instead of helping the kids in the back seat, ran to turn the ignition off. What's concerning me more than that is the fact his uncle, who he was apparently very close to, died weeks ago and he hasn't showed a hint of sadness or grief.

Lots of these events have been cropping up and I don't know if I'm right to worry or just overreacting.

Anonymous 34246

That sounds very normal for guys. What about it concerns you?

Anonymous 34249

It's normal for some guys, and some women are into that.
But if anon wants an emotional boy she should perhaps reconsider. If you're an empathetic/sympathetic person it makes sense to wish for a partner who is similar. I know since I've been seeking even moderately soft boys myself (and have found several, they're not even that rare tbh).

Anonymous 34250

I guess I just don't have the experience. It seems like worrying sociopath behaviour and it's not something I see in my male friends.

Anonymous 34251

He's soft, warm and loving when it comes to me, but it seems like he can just switch it all off as soon as he needs to.

Anonymous 34252

Why not just date your friends?

Anonymous 34253

They're great friends, just not boyfriend material.

Anonymous 34254

What makes them not boyfriend material?

Anonymous 34276

This sounds like every boy ever.

Anonymous 34313


posting ITT because I don't want to make a separate thread for this.
I'm often catching myself wanting a BF from 4chan, maybe it's something to do with having someone you don't need to hide your so called power level from and maybe it also has something to do with being too much of an emotional idiot to imagine attracting someone outside of the internet.
While I'm sure there are plenty of guys who'd like that, I can't imagine where to look and how to contact them, specifically, those that are one of the nicer ones instead of the mouth breathing idiots the site is infested with.
Only thing that comes to mind is /soc/, which is a board meant for people to come in contact with one another, but the whole place is just so… sleazy? downright pornographic? I can barely stomach going there without feeling weird and I can't imagine anyone half decent being there.

Does anyone have or has ever had a BF from 4chan? how did you meet him? is it a reasonable idea or a moronic thought stemming from loneliness?

Anonymous 34315

4chan is really diverse in the type of people who post there, so it's kinda hard to know what you mean by, "wanting a BF from 4chan." Like, there's /pol/tards, /v/edditors, /k/ommandos, /jp/sies, /a/ weebs, the mentally disturbed of /r9k/, /g/entoomen, and on, and on, and on…

Pretty much the only places you can find people are /r9k/ (wouldn't recommend it, though. Even the "normal" ones are often just time bombs waiting to go off. There's also a lot of underaged there.) and /soc/. If you're committed, /soc/ can be worth it, but your mileage may vary. If you're going to use /soc/, I'd recommend lurking the discord threads and adding anyone who catches your interest; do not post your own account you'll just get spammed to death by like 30+ horny dudes. Generally, avoid people who put one sentence answers to stuff; if they're not going to put in any effort, they're probably just horny dudes looking for a fling and nothing serious. /soc/ is pretty gross, but occasionally there are a few diamonds in the rough.

Anonymous 34316

Avoid the social boards /b/soc/r9k/cgl/fit/ they are full of narcissistic sociopaths and also are often underage.
Avoid the politics related boards /pol/int/his/ unless youunironically want to find a racist
Avoid /a/v/tv/ because they're manchildren who rabidly hate women
Go to one of the hobbyist boards like /diy/o/out/an/p/
Avoid /k/ it's /pol/-lite

Anonymous 34317

Can I add onto this?
I would put avoid /ic. That board is full of man children. Or treat it how >>34315 mentions /soc. Add people but don't post your info.

Anonymous 34320


Really need some advice guys. A year ago I nearly kissed another guy when very drunk at a club. To this day I’m still wrecked by guilt and I could never tell him, I don’t think I could cope with hurting him like that. Our relationship is beautiful and I love him so much, I don’t even understand what made me nearly do such a thing. I quit drinking for a year until I felt I could trust myself and know I’d never do anything like that again. I just don’t know how to deal with this pain

Anonymous 34323

Nearly kissing means you didn't kiss, which prompts the question of what, exactly, did you do that you now feel guilty about?

Anonymous 34324

Just promise yourself you won't do it again. Don't shame yourself over it.
Intent to kiss is an intent to kiss. Also being drunk is kind of bad.

Anonymous 34327

>worth it

Anonymous 34328

>Intent to kiss is an intent to kiss.
Sure, but she never said anything about having the intent.

Anonymous 34332

so basically just give /soc/'s discord threads a shot anyway and hope to strike gold?

Anonymous 34333

I leaned in to kiss him but he kind of moved away so I quickly got the hint and we acted like it never happened. It honestly scares the fuck out of me to think what could have happened if he didn’t move away

Anonymous 34336

It's okay, anon. Just never get intoxicated. It's bad for you, and this proves it.

Anonymous 34392

Post the rest of the context.
He probably misunderstood what you wanted, usually when you "go back to my/your place" it means that you want to have sex, not watch Family Guy.
It's not a problem that you wanted to stop, but try to make it clear to him why you did, that you were drunk etc.

Anonymous 34404

I mean you were going to break up with him anyway right? Are you just mad he beat you to the punch?

Anonymous 34410

When you say that you tried to kiss him,you mean like a litle innocent kiss?or a passionate k i s s ?you know,with your tongue and that stuff

Anonymous 34411

What difference does it make? Either would be cheating.

Anonymous 34413

you are ridiculous

Anonymous 34414

And you are dense. If someone is truly sorry, they apologize immediately instead of trying to deflect. It's a subtle thing you don't really notice. Trust me. He was trying to push boundaries and see where it went. It was good in the end he backed off, but a guy who does shit to women in the first place when they're drunk isn't a good dude. Pass.

Anonymous 34415

Tell your SO you nearly made a mistake, recognized you nearly made a mistake, made corrections to avoid it, and how much it's been racking you with guilt. Simple as.

Anonymous 34417

>you nearly made a mistake, recognized you nearly made a mistake, made corrections to avoid it, and how much it's been racking you with guilt.
This comes off like a conceited attempt at asking for forgiveness for actually cheating. Don't do this.

In my opinion, it'd be better to try and tie it into a question, like, "Have you ever done something stupid while you were drunk?" and then talk about yourself and why you feel so guilty about what happened.

Anonymous 34418

No. Hundred times no to this. Just come forward blunt and honest. Beg for him to forgive you.

Anonymous 34430

>Just come forward blunt and honest.
This is fine.

>Beg for him to forgive you.

This is not.

Asking someone to forgive you for something you almost did almost always comes across as if you really did do it.

Anonymous 34431

Being shameless and prideful over what you technically didn't do is very, very bad for your partner's trust. If he forgives you, don't do it again, and if he doesn't, you still shouldn't do it again.

Anonymous 34432

I'm not saying to be prideful or even shameless, I'm saying that going in the opposite direction and outright begging for forgiveness sends the wrong message too.

Anonymous 34433

Then what does?

Anonymous 34434

What does send the wrong message is both extremes. Seeming too remorseful makes it seem as if that thing you didn't do, that you're really torn up about, you actually did do. And not caring at all, makes it seem as if you think it's fine to kiss strangers. Either one of those things makes it sound as if she has cheated or would cheat in the future.

I'm really not sure there's any avenue for going about this that doesn't send some kind of wrong message. To most people, feeling bad about something you didn't do only really "makes sense" if you could have prevented someone from getting hurt or similar.

Obviously, it makes sense that she would feel distraught about nearly kissing some random guy while drunk, but this whole situation just owes itself to misinterpretation no matter how you present it is the thing. After all, you can't forgive someone for not doing something wrong, which is why asking for forgiveness sounds wrong in the first place.

Anonymous 34440

>To most people, feeling bad about something you didn't do only really "makes sense" if you could have prevented someone from getting hurt or similar.
Why? Most people don't care if they fail to help someone.

Anonymous 34723


Bi-anons in mono relationships with men, how do you deal with potentially never touching women (again if applicable)?

I may finally have a chance with my dream guy, but now am suddenly being hit with more intense gay thoughts than usual. Is this decision right? Should I search for a wife instead? Will I regret it?

Anonymous 34728

I'm in the same situation, I've always liked women a bit more than men but there's no available bi/lesbians where I live and ldr's are a real pain
recently I met a really cute guy and we might start dating soon
I thought about hooking up with a random girl just to see what it's like before I'm taken but I'm scared of liking it so much I'll lose interest in the guy I'm seeing lol
internalized homophobia is fun

Anonymous 34754

I was just trying to avoid anyone suggesting "just open the relationship, sis" because that's not what I want, either.
Same, although I consider myself a 50/50 bisexual currently. I also fear I'd lose interest in men, even to the point of restricting masturbation to women off and on for years in order to encourage my attraction to men.
God. That sounds awful now that I've written it out.

At this point I'm just going with "if it doesn't work out, I'll only date women afterwards." But what if I'm blessed and it does work out? I feel like I can never dedicate myself like I thought I could. What a curse.

I hope you can work your issue out, too, anon.

Anonymous 34838

Passionate kiss, I was just horny. I’m scared I could have gone even further than that and the thought of it makes me want to throw up. It’s been well over a year now and I still feel fucking awful about it

Anonymous 34839

I think he’ll believe what I tell him and know I’m truly sorry so that really isn’t an issue. This is a long term relationship and we live together, so he knows me well enough. I don’t know how the fuck I’ll gather the courage to even tell him this though, he’s highly sensitive and seeing him hurt would be the end of me. I feel sick and horrible just thinking about it

Anonymous 34840

A good guy won't care if you have a girlfriend as well even if he doesn't get any threesome action.

Anonymous 34843

Just confess, anon.
Most people aren't perfect, anon. Don't throw out the baby with the bathwater.

Anonymous 34893


Bi girl in a straight relationship here. I was heavily in the closet for years (only experience was hooking up with a girl at overnight camp as a teen but never told anyone) but I started to come out to online friends in my early 20's. A few years later I found a boyfriend but the lesbian urges did not go away (so much for straight relationship = straight for life).

So far I just get off to lesbian bdsm and cuckquean porn while I do straight stuff with my bf which is good enough for me. Pretty much halted any plans of coming out though since it will just confuse people. My bf doesn't know the extent of it since I was never fully out, but I recommend telling yours once you are comfortable with each other. You'll be the cool gf who "lets" her man have threesomes.

Anonymous 34936

I appreciate your responses, but I'm really not into the idea of have two partners or threesomes. My ideal is to dedicate myself to one person for life, I guess I just have an extra bump in the road to doing it.

That said, if you guys are functioning well then all the power to you.

Anonymous 35407

He probably just doesn't want to appear clingy or is too shy.

Anonymous 35512

Thank you for replying to an old post, anon.
He actually does like me, it turns out. But we aren't dating for complicated reasons.

Anonymous 35852

There's a guy I'm seeing, and he's super nerdy and submissive. But my problem is that I've only dated girls before and, despite his very sub nature, I'm still terrified of males and their different body.

I know what's wrong with me, but I can't figure out how to fix it. It's not as easy as "just let him touch you", that's not how it works.


Anonymous 35855

But that's the problem.

I'm not sexually attracted to him as much as I am mentally attracted to him. I crave his attention but I'm worried he's gonna leave if I don't give him that back.

And the reason I can't is because I'm still very uncomfortable with the idea of a man touching me.

Anonymous 35865

No, he's made it crystal clear he wants more. And I didn't turn him down either, because to be brutally honest… I want more too.

I just can't stand how my body and mind are two separate things over this. I don't want to let my issue be a dealbreaker, but it's definitely getting in the way, and for once I don't want to give up.

How do people do it?? I just don't understand how it can look so comfortable to you, when I can't even begin to imagine the idea of being touched.

Anonymous 35997


This is my first time posting on this board, and I hope that someone can help me with my problems when it comes to dating and such.

I'm a girl who has a genetic disease called Muscular Dystrophy although the subtype of my illness is still unknown, and I also use a wheelchair. I live in a SEA country with my strict parents. I've never dated anyone IRL, but I've been into 3 online relationships before, which sadly didn't last long, and most of the guys I loved were from foreign countries. I still want to that a person with marriage in mind, but I have way too many imperfections that I feel so insecure and inferior. All I want is to be with a guy who I can share my interests and hobbies with, who can accept me for who I am, and to be with them until I die. I have no choice but to rely on others due to my physical limitations, and I'm scared that anyone would be turned off by it and think that I'm useless or inadequate. My inferiority complex has gone pretty bad that I even developed social anxiety, and it makes it even harder for me to speak to people.

I'm not even interested in dating people who live in my country because I hardly have anything in common with them, and the ones I end up liking are always from the other side of the world.

I don't want to give up, but it's getting really hard. Even if I found someone who I like, I always have to pull myself away because I feel like they deserve someone better. I want to help my family and focus on them, but I really want to be loved and accepted by someone else. How should I go on about it and what can I do to find someone who won't ever mind spending his life with a disabled person?

Anonymous 36000

Anonymous 36001

Speaking from personal experience - there really are some guys who have a nurturing personality and actually will enjoy being caregivers while in a relationship. Some of them take if too far and it can seem patronising or like they see you as a child. But there are others who will find it fulfilling to cherish and take care of you. That said, in many Western countries it has been shown in research that men are not socialised to value caring, and when wives become ill e.g. with cancer, the husbands will often leave them. So it is less common to find these people.

As to how you can find someone, I'm not sure I can give advice as I don't know your living situation. But I would say that for all relationships you have to build some sense of self - not just think of yourself as a burden, but someone worthwhile who is unique and charming. Even if you aren't perfect. And when you do find someone that you develop feelings for, let them know that you think they are worthwhile and charming too! Best of luck anon.

Anonymous 36008

It's less important to share hobbies and interests with your significant other than you might think, anon.

I've had 3 long term relationships and technically the first relationship was the one where I shared the most interests with my partner. But our personalities weren't compatible at all. I don't like loud displays of affection, I don't like silly, harmless childish antics (like they weren't harmful, but it bugged me), I am not a social butterfly like he was, and we came from very different families.

My next relationship lasted a long time. I didn't share a fuckload of interests with this guy, but it was alright; we were accommodating of our different interests. We would also do things together than "leaned" towards the other's interest. For example, he really liked certain movies so we'd watch them together, and although I didn't like them on a certain "natural" level, I learned to appreciate them in ways I wouldn't have otherwise. I really cherished them, as a result. He would do the same for me. What was important in that relationship is we were both joined at the hip, so to speak. We were constantly talking and making each other feel understood. I knew I could tell him anything and it was the same for him. Our personalities gelled together despite the fact we didn't share interests, and in fact, I would argue that us not sharing interests strengthened our bond.

However, he bypassed some serious boundaries, and even though they were mistakes, I knew I could not ever stay with him.

My current boyfriend I fell in love with and he's the first person I've felt that way with That's it. Our relationship kind of sucks, but I blame it on my BPD. We share some interests, not many, and our personalities are so similar that we butt heads a lot.

The point is, interests and hobbies are not the most important thing, I'd argue personality compatibility is (which again, for some people could be an opposite personality, but for some, it's a person with a similar personality to their own), and as for
>be with them until I die
Who knows. Every relationship is a bit of a gamble in that regard. I accept it, even in the times where I'd really like that to be true.

sorry. It turns out I was venting myself. But I hope my experiences have been of use to you.

Anonymous 36012

>he bypassed some serious boundaries
sorry, I don't mean to be nosey, but I wondered what exactly you mean by this?

Anonymous 36037

Anonymous 36091


Any tips on how to get over a guy I never dated?

We flirted with each other for a few months but he made the right call because we would be a horrible match lmao. Our lifestyles and the morals we live by are quite different.

Yet I just can't stop being sentimental about the good, hours long chats and how kind and sentimental he was. It's awful.

We're already no longer talking (at my request), any other advice is welcome.

Anonymous 36100

Oh, definitely. Still can't get the lil bugger out of my head though.

Anonymous 36103

My boyfriend is coming over tomorrow (we haven't seen each other in person since the beginning of quarantine) to sit down and have a conversation about our relationship. He's been acting weird recently, and I suspect he'll break up with me tomorrow. I kind of agree that it might be the right choice to make, and I've thought about it a lot before now. It still makes me very sad though, and I can't help but be afraid that I'm making the wrong choice, and that if I tried harder or something it would work. There wasn't a huge incident or argument or anything to trigger this. What if he's the one and I can't do better? What if I can't find another person like him? At the moment he's my best friend, and I'd be extremely lonely, which isnt great considering quarantine going on. Does anyone have advice? I've gathered up his things, deleted pictures, etc. So I'm prepared in terms of that. I'm just scared, I haven't been in a ton of relationships so I don't have a lot of experience with how to handle this. Feelsbadman :,^(

Anonymous 36132

TIL a new word

Anonymous 37107

Healthy distractions.
What happened, Anon?

Anonymous 38327


I have a massive crush on my boss (just a couple years older than me, not some gross midlife crisis case). I don't even care about the outcome at the office because I have another great option lined up in case anything happens to my current position but lol. He's just constantly really kind, values my input and and pushes me to succeed which I like because I appreciate it when people understand my ambitions. He seems to like very similar hobbies, shares my values, and I recently learned he loves dogs and had a vasectomy, lmfao be still my heart.

My problems are 1) this is highly retarded regardless, and 2) I'm near volcel and tbh kinda lean towards female separatism. I do think good and devoted men exist and I even used to date one, but the risk is just so high that this will become some horrifying soul-sucking mess. I pair-bond pretty strongly, and have high standards for intimacy and mutual devotion, so I mostly expect to be disappointed. Still, I haven't felt this happy in months, I look forward to days when I see him, daydreams are fun, music sounds nice again, etc. He might have too much integrity to even start anything, but he has said that talking to me is fun both intellectually and otherwise, and generally seems to like hanging out with me. On the other hand, he's just nice like that to everyone, probably he doesn't want to treat me differently just because I'm gril. On the other other hand, every time a guy has said something like that he has ultimately developed a crush on me too.

Ugh anons do I go for it, i.e. very gradually seduce him over the next 6 months by occasionally looking in his direction slightly longer than normal and inadvertently ending up in conversations with him where I must reveal more details of my life story which shows how simultaneously very fragile and vulnerable but also deep and strong I am Y/N?

Anonymous 38331

Y! And tbh imo, female separatism is a con. I circled around those groups for a while too, but I circled back out. It only really works for lesbians and women-exclusive bi's (and if you're not a lesbian that's weird for them as well, understandably). If you're a heterosexual woman denying yourself love is not psychologically good for you.

Most marriages of our generation are successful - we're reversing the trends of a century. We guard our hearts and take care before committing, and we don't get married for the sake of it but only for the sake of love and stability. You're on the right track, so don't undercut yourself with pessimism or niche political dogmatism.

Anonymous 38334

Your reasoning for not going for this seems remarkably poor. Who cares about some dumb ideology when potentially lifelong happiness is at stake?

Anonymous 38336

oh fuck i have this too, how do you get rid of it anon?

Anonymous 38373

>had a vasectomy
major red flag

Anonymous 38651


>>38327 here, I don't want to tell anyone I know yet so I'm just going to keep crushposting ITT. We had a supervisor meeting last week which was actually a two-hour walk along a canal because there's an outdoor bookstore there with a dog you can pet. Jesus, in the abstract I had thought I could handle seeing him pet that pup and laugh when it licks his face but this was not the case, I almost said something immediately damning (and even though I caught myself in time, still mentioned being jealous he got dog kisses or something, ahh man). We just had so much to talk about and flagged many fun conversations we wanted to continue later, it was such a good date for a meeting that wasn't a date.

Yeah you are right, I think I'm gonna yolo it. Ahhgh, I really hope it works out. I'm still not definitively sure he likes me because he's so nice and fun around everyone. But he seems to be trying to get to know me more thoroughly in a sense, like asking if I like plants when I mentioned some houseplant, and asking if I often have vivid dreams when I told him about some silly dream event. Would he try to generalize things in that way if male coworkers mentioned plants or some random dream stuff??

Anyway he said he wants to try and see a hedgehog in this woodsy area near me… they're nocturnal, so I'm sensing an opportunity for setting up some good old romantic night walk vibes with plausible deniability… and perhaps for accidentally brushing my hand against his in the darkness…

Nooo, I'm dead set on not having kids and horrified about getting trapped with someone who secretly hopes I'll change my mind eventually. I can see why it would also be a bad sign though. I'll keep my eyes peeled in case there are any indicators of some general irresponsible fuckboyism but I hope he's just similar to me in this respect.

Anonymous 38693

>tfw no qt Shrek bf

Anonymous 40085


>mfw his hobbies are anime, vidya and lifting weights

Anonymous 40096

I need some relationship advice. So.. my mother’s friend has two sons. The older one is the same age as me and the younger one is maybe 4-5 years younger. Now the thing is I find the younger one attractive and the older one unattractive, I know for a fact the older one has a crush on me, I kinda suspected it before, but his drunk mother also told me almost directly that he has a crush on me.
When the older one was not home, I tried having a personal conversation with the younger one however the younger one is very shy and barely says anything I have to initiate all conversations, I tried taking it really slow I didn’t show immediate attraction (I guess), tried not to openly flirt or anything, made a few successful jokes, asked him rather normal questions about how is he spending the summer etc, but again it’s a one way convo - I initiate everything and he only answers, I even tried making longer pauses and he didn’t say a word, I assumed that maybe he’s not attracted to me, but if he was he could just leave me be, ignore me and go to his room and yet he stayed near me and listen to me and showed positive body language. So in general I like his looks, but his personality needs work. Now the older brother has a nice personality, but looks wise is unattractive to me.
So I’m thinking since they are brothers the younger one probably knows that the older one likes me and I don’t know if it’s even worth it escalating the relationship.
So I guess here are my options:
A – try to bf the younger one.
B – try to bf the older one.
C – leave the brothers alone, since I risk ruining their and our relationship.
What should I do? I find it hard to decide.

Anonymous 40097

Leave both the fuck alone, don't involve yourself romantically with anyone whom you deem lacking enough in any aspect to ponder on whether some other guy would be a 'better' pick

Anonymous 40102

how's that hard to decide? both A and B will almost certainly lead to drama and heartbreak
or is that what you're looking for

Anonymous 40104

C is the only option here.

Anonymous 40107

Well then, C it is, thx for helping me decide.

Anonymous 40109

I've got a friend who's like that, he's not very attractive though since he has no experience with women and just can't into sexual situations at all, like he doesn't flirt and gets really uncomfortable when he knows someone is attracted to him. I swear he's probably ace or something since I've never seen him express any sexual interest in anything fictional or real

Anonymous 40111

A. A guy's personality can improve but his looks can't.

Anonymous 40157

AB (threesome)

Anonymous 40205


Men won't always try to fuck you or ignore you if you're ugly. Men are human beings with morals and awareness of other people and empathy and won't be horrible to you just because you're ugly.

Anonymous 40553

Please tell me if I'm just socially retarded or if my bf is just overacting.
>in bf's house with his male friend
>it's the morning after we both stayed over
>am sitting alone with bf in bed in another room
>friend asks if he can come in to show us something
>Bf says no
>I thought he said no because he thought I wasn't dressed, but I was so I said yes
>he comes in and sits in bed with us to show us the thing

Then a couple days later bf texts me saying he thought that was inappropriate, basically scolds both his friend and me separately and tells me not to do that again. Is this an appropriate reaction on his end? I think he's exaggerating, and feel bad for his friend because we really get along well. If one of my female friends did this I wouldn't think anything of it. But this is also my only relationship and I don't have many friends so I'm not sure if this is just a normal reaction that I'm too autistic to understand.

Anonymous 40554

He probably just wanted privacy with you since you had the door closed. Don't take it too hard, he just felt differently about it than you did.

Anonymous 40559

hes exaggerating,you guys were just sitting and the door was unlocked. neither you or the friend did anything wrong or inappropriate.

Anonymous 40560

It seems silly but if the roles were reversed you may feel the same way he does. Whenever i consider wether something is fair I just reflect on how I would feel if it happened to me.

Anonymous 40562

it was dumb of you to assume that the reason why your bf didn't want the friend to come in was because he thought you were naked and then sort of make the decision for your bf to invite the friend in because you felt you knew his preferences better than he did but On the other hand it really weird of him to scold you and the friend two whole days later. I get the impression that you're not super adept at social situation so I can understand you misreading the situation and making a small mistake, on the other hand having to drag up the event two days later to lecture you about is pretty autistic, especially when it seems like he didn't talk to you about it initially after the event

Anonymous 40638


I love my boyfriend but whenever we watch things together, including anime and films with subtitles, he always just browses his phone the whole time
He says he has "two eyes" but I feel like if he's going to just browse Twitter theres no point in us watching something together

Anonymous 40639

That's slightly annoying. Nothing I would bother with really.

Anonymous 40641

Yeah, I've let him know it bothers me but there is not really much else I can say about it.

Anonymous 40658

Are you watching sub or dub? He can't read subtitles and twitter at the same time, unless your bf has some neat chameleon eyes going on.

Anonymous 40664

I just became official with this stunningly beautiful guy that's way out of my league. I can feel myself falling for him really hard, I haven't felt this way about someone for a very long time.

But of course there always has to be something. He's a very popular person. I wouldn't say he's internet famous but he's friends with a lot of people who are and just generally has a lot of connections with all sorts of people. This includes many female influencers, some of which are for lack of a better term insta-hoes, complete with onlyfans. You know the ones.

Basically this means I get to see him liking all of their provacative photos that show up on his Instagram feed daily. It honestly makes me really sad because I look frumpy as fuck in comparison to a lot of them.

His excuse is that he has to do it for work/connection purposes and because they're his "friends" so he can't just stop liking their photos. I have no idea how I should feel about this or if I should accept that as a valid reason. Obviously I hate that this is happening but should I just suck it up?

Anonymous 40665

>should I just suck it up

Anonymous 40667

This is sadly step 1 of dating a man above your league. Step 2 is when he wastes your youth and leaves you for a young girl in his league after a few years. You can’t win. Men don’t marry under their league. Leave.

Anonymous 40670

You're probably right god I'm stupid

Anonymous 40671

Let it off softly. Start looking for someone else immediately as soon as it's done. Try to look for a slightly more humble option in the next one.

Anonymous 40672

You’re not stupid, just growing pains. You’ll find a man in your league who loves and respects you.

Anonymous 40674

Don't watch dubs you absolute pleb.

Anonymous 40685

Wait, no. Are you officially dating him?
Look, there's no telling what's going to happen. Letting other people dictate how happy you get to be by following their advice instead of how you feel might be a massive mistake. The influencer thing is blowing up red flags though, and the thots are not desirable competition. Men do exist though that think those women are revolting, no matter how attractive.
If it bothers you and you're feeling like ending it anyway, you could bring it upto him.

Anonymous 40699


I did say "anime and films with subtitles"

Anonymous 40700

Then he's the pleb or more correctly a modern smartphone/social media addict. Assuming you're not forcing him to watch only films and anime you like then getting surprised he's not paying attention of course.

Anonymous 40702

He's a film buff too and usually choses watch we watch so I'm guessing he might just be a bit of a social media addict. It doesn't usually cause problems though

Anonymous 40705

>He's a film buff too and usually choses watch we watch so I'm guessing he might just be a bit of a social media addict.
If he always chooses what you watch he probably has already seen the majority of movies and anime. Choose something yourself, if it's novel he'll pay attention

Anonymous 40712


My boyfriend is a really cool social guy and I'm a massive autist, even though we have the same interests he's cool about them and I'm just weird and creepy. I really wish I could be more like him but I just don't have it in me. I'm going to the same uni as him this autumn but I'm worried so much I won't have to cool social experience he had. I feel like I'm destined to be the wallflower quiet girl my whole life regardless of how I go about things.

Anonymous 40716

That's actually very sweet anon, thank you.

Anonymous 40738

The problem is with him then. Explain you'd like to spend time together where his attention is on the activity and not on his phone. If not films then something like coop vidya could be more suitable. If you're already doing another activity together then whatever. Do you spend a lot of time together outside of watching things? Conversely do you spend enough time doing your own things as well?

If you don't do much else together it's a rude thing for him to do and doubly so if you've told him to stop. If you're together all the time or if watching things is really your only hobby and you expect him to participate in it whenever nothing else is happening that could be why he gets bored. Probably though he's just ~21 or younger and addicted to social media. Are you sure he's actually a film buff and not just one of those people who wants to watch the big name films and anime to build a 'geek' identity for his social media?

Anonymous 41319


Boss crush anon reporting in. We went on the night walk, even spotted some hedgehogs which made him so visibly happy I lost it fggfhghh, and then another night walk, during which he confessed feelings while we were sitting in silence by this small misty lake. Second date was uhhh mud wrestling in the woods after a thunderstorm (I suggested it half jokingly and he took up on the offer lmfao, it was great fun and very intense but soooo gentle), and now we got a tent and will probably do some light camping soon or just hang out in the forest all cuddly and ahhhh.

I'm still nervous because he's objectively fucking hot and I've never dated anyone like him before. But we do have so much in common and he made it really clear he's not looking for a fling and thinks we could make a great team in the long term and brought up being official even if it's a bit early and he's just really caring and affectionate ; ___ ; Plus the organization is really important to him so if he wanted to torment someone, probably he would just find some stacy instead of a coworker?? How do I prevent myself from self sabotaging with some black pill shit? Idk friends it all seems too good to be true, is love and happiness real, I have never literally ever wanted to suck a dick so bad

Anonymous 41326

Keep a good attitude, anon. Don't fellate him so hastily or you'll spoil him. More importantly, claim him. Make it known, then he's yours for sure. Blessings!

Anonymous 41347


Ahahaha thank you friend, I want to spoil him though, I want to give him everything forever if he keeps being as sweet as he is ; ___ ;

I-i think he wants to claim me too, he told our coworkers right away after we decided to make it official… it's so hard to relax and not stress about everything imploding but maybe he really is just the wholesome caring guy he seems to be

Anonymous 41391

Keep it smooth, anon. You've got this. If he wants marriage, let it come. Don't spoil him before then.

Anonymous 41393

Subscribe for more advice from happy singles

Anonymous 41417

unironically what the point in dating another human, or even having sex. i can get off by myself

Anonymous 41419


Anonymous 41435

Kind of same. I just want to pleasure someone I love (am indifferent and even against being touched myself) so I truly have NO IDEA why people do hookups with randoms who they don't care about/who they don't want to please. It baffles me.

Bitch…..just jerk off. Imagine risking STDs and expending so much time and effort when you could touch your genitals for five minutes instead.

Anonymous 41444

Same, but I'd rather just give someone companionship, instead of sex. I want to make someone feel loved, and be there for them. Just hold hands with each other and all of that gooey stuff. I wish things could be so simple, but it's all flesh these days. At least I have my hands.

Anonymous 41452

the connection must be nice

Anonymous 41713

been with my boyfriend for three years and all this time i've been telling him he's been making me cum… when he hasn't. he always asks me after sex so i feel so much pressure. it's not his fault either, i simply can only orgasm on my own. basically i'm murdering myself with guilt for lying but i'm terrified of his self esteem being destroyed if i confess ):

Anonymous 41715

I know that feel. I have a weird technique of masturbating and rub my clit way too hard. It’s probably impossible for me to cum during sex, I don’t even like the feeling of a dick or dildo in me to be honest. You could start asking if you can use a vibrator on your clit during. Some guys like the look of a girl pleasuring herself while they fuck her. The thing is vibrators only give me weak shitty orgasms.

Anonymous 41767


I can only really cum by crossing my legs and grinding whilst wearing jeans which sucks.

Anonymous 41771

you’ve probably sandpapered your nerves to oblivion. have you ever taken a break from doing that?

Anonymous 41775

I've tried to gently transition to fingering with panties and crossing my legs which actually feels a lot nicer. I can cum in under thirty seconds by grinding with jeans on but it doesn't feel as good

Anonymous 41801

I used to masturbate like this too. Squeezing my thighs together. I've tried flicking the bean instead and the orgasms are nicer, but I'd finish much faster before.

Anonymous 41807

relationships aren't just about sex

Anonymous 41818


>mfw can cum from penetration alone
>can even cum just from nipple stim
I don't really like my clit being rubbed tbh. Clitty is always hanging out deep inside its hood. but scientifically speaking the clit extends and wraps around internally, it isn't just the external pearl. So penetration IS clitoral stimulation. nothing beats the D.

Anonymous 41869


I read some of my boyfriend's poetry on his Twitter aloud and he got really upset and blocked me and said he'll delete it. I wasn't trying to mock him, my autism just kicked in and I didn't see how reading it allowed would come across, what do I say?

Anonymous 41871

Anonymous 41873

Have you tried apologizing?

Anonymous 41876

roses are red
violets are blue
damn that was cringe, but I still love you

Anonymous 41881


I apologised and he added me back on twitter, all is well.
You have good music tastes

Anonymous 41883

I hope you told him they were good.

Anonymous 41911

I did yes, he's a talented guy.

Anonymous 41916

Sweet! I hope you encourage him to make more. Poems are nice, and poets are even nicer.

Anonymous 41918


They are yes, I'm glad to have a bf who's atuned to these sorts of things. I'm very glad he didn't delete it.

Anonymous 42050


Anonymous 42124


Is it normal to not have much interest in romance yourself but greatly enjoy hearing about your friends love lives? I feel uncomfortable when people want to date me but I really enjoy hearing about people's live stories.

Anonymous 42136

An observer's mindset? I suppose you were taught by stories and not by people. Right?

Anonymous 42155

Yeah I think so, my parents weren't present much in my life either.

Anonymous 42184

That can be fixed. Just as long as you're not 40 or anything.

Anonymous 42201


I'm 20 so yeah I have time hopefully, but I'm cool with yhe way things are now

Anonymous 42325


Anonymous 46757

Have anyone dated or e-dated a man from arabic country? How was your experience?

Anonymous 47036


Ugh, my bf has a lot of female friends which sucks but he doesn't talk to most of them that often. Lately he occasionally chats/calls/games with this girl from one of his online classes. I met her once at a party she invited us to and she gave me weird vibes, barely tried to talk to either of us but her boyfriend was there so who knows.

Now just yesterday she apparently broke up with her bf and she ended up calling my bf last night and telling him all about it. Then he consoled her in this sweet voice he puts on.

It made me feel so fucking awkward. Am I just being a cunt or am I right to be put off by this? I'm not sure who I feel more skeeved out by, the girl or my bf.

Anonymous 47038

It is totally understandable you would feel this way even if you did trust him not to cheat on you.
be careful of that girl though because she may try to take your man.

I think you are doing a very good job of staying calm!! I would have lost my mind from him having any girl friends even if I never said anything to him.

Would it be crazy for me to think your bf should be careful having girl friends as in knowing it may upset you?
Keep an eye on your bf anon

Anonymous 47039

Thank you, I was feeling like I'm going crazy because I don't want to be a "crazy gf" so it's nice to not have my feelings invalidated. My boyfriend is an extrovert so I try to be understanding of his need for friends but I've never been in a relationship where this sort of thing happens before so I'm not sure how to handle it.

What I do know is that it's not uncommon for a girl to catch feelings for the guy who consoles her/gives her a shoulder to cry on after a break-up. I know, because I've been there. Especially if that guy is attractive, which my bf is.

I just feel so weird about it… and I don't know how to bring it up without coming off as coo-coo.

Anonymous 47040

Sis… no.
He has likely already imagined cheating on you. You give men an inch and they take a light year. You are projecting decency onto them.

Anonymous 47048

a crazy GF would be a stereotypical BPD girl that threatens to kill herself unless the BF stops talking to any woman that asks him a question on the street.
You are introvert and he is extravert…
I hope he is not cheating on you like >>47040 said.

One thing is sure though and that is you need to find a way to bring up this issue with your BF.
Sometimes we just need to be reassured

Anonymous 47049

may or may not have immaturely encountered a somewhat similar situation where I ended up crying in the car for an hour or so afraid of something wrong but really my bf was rtarded and genuinely fucked up simply speaking to this person (who had no irl friends only e-friends). Anyway, we worked on fixing our issues and completely cut off the chick as well as chewed out my bf for not knowing how to properly engage in an appropriate relationship. Even though it hurt, I’m glad we both grew from it, even if its a little. Confrontation or not, you need to protect yourself

Anonymous 47091

Yeah, don't date men (right now). Invest time and care in yourself, it seems you need it.
Also accept that most men just stink so dating one should considered a lucky draw, not something you expect or have as an ultimate goal. It would be pretty neat, but you'd also be happy if it never happens.

You can get there. If I, a person who obsesses over finding a life partner 24/7 and has gotten up to some spergy hijinks in my efforts, can do it then so can you.

Anonymous 47092

girl don't do it, it's not worth it

Anonymous 47093

I'm not gonna do it girl, I'm just thinking about it.

Anonymous 47099

If it's sudden onset, yeah, probably over. If he just got a label attached to a history of shitty behavior you were already tolerating, why drop him now?

Anonymous 47101

>>bf got diagnosed as schizoid

Schizoid or schizophenic?
Schizoid does not mean what you and some others actually think it means my gosh.
Schizoid people just find it hard to feel a emotional connection to others and enjoy solitude as being in company is painful for them.
I am schizoid/bpd according to psychologist.

Please know that if he actually enjoys your company he truly means it as it is very rare for a schizoid to enjoy others company beyond purely online.


>Give it some time to see how it goes with his meds
There are no meds for schizoid anon….
>If it's sudden onset, yeah, probably over.
reeee it is schizoid not schizo

Anonymous 47109


I wish I knew because it is very confusing being myself.

So basically I find socializing painful especially irl but not due to inability to socialize it is because I find being near others so exhausting.

I have never actually felt lonely and know what isolation from all socialization feels like.
I self harm at times mostly because I feel so detached and hate myself sometimes for being so different although I accepted it.

I truly do not have empathy for others* in the same way normal people do yet I do not seek to harm anyone and at most upset others with my comments that are brutally honest.
I can look autistic basically as in if I want to not give off a flat affect I have to turn the switch on.

unlike autistic people I have all the skills for socializing and actually am quite skilled at it if I try being beyond average in my experience.

This makes me hate socializing though as I personally feel it is so fake in person.
I have been called a robot by family yet I can be very emotional sometimes to an extreme amount.

Here is the kicker though anon: I can get attached to someone but it never really happens but when I do I become typical BPD nightmare.

I also have all the identity issues bpd people do and black and white thinking despite seeming logical and robotic for anything but interpersonal things or how I see myself.

I read into it and it seems borderline and schizoid is just alternate reaction to same trauma.
I do not typically like labels so the shrink could be wrong but it was what I suspected anyway as it seems to explain a lot.

It does not make any sense how I turned out like this I would rather be normal bpd.

Anonymous 47110

>reeee it is schizoid not schizo

So that means it can't emerge suddenly? Awesome, then nothing has changed.

Anonymous 47111

Read up on it please for his sake.
It means you are very special and do not expect him to ever cheat on you as he is a schizoid os makes no sense.
You are lucky to have a schizoid feel something for you just make sure he really feels for you and is not just giving being normal a try.

Anonymous 47113

What did he say that means?

Anonymous 47114

unless he can actually care for her anon which is super rare

Anonymous 47142

BPD is aids you like want favourite person but then it makes you lose your mind.

Anonymous 47154

Holy shit he puts on this "voice" while gaming with females like he tries to sound like Corpse or some shit. What the fuckkk

Anonymous 47159

Try therapy undiagnosed bpd anon..
I spoke to some bpd people who have had therapy and even a decade into their marriage they still freak out but just control it better.
That just makes me depressed to think it is life long torment.
I wish I had advice other than therapy.. Try to refrain from harming yourself because you freak out.
Not that I do lol

Anonymous 47233

Can you girls explain why? My personal snowflake from IRL was ragely searching for arabic men to E-date this whole year while looking for them in a shooter comp game. She is a complete retard who hates other women and catfishes others, but it still makes me worry for her because I do not think women deserve to be treated bad.

Anonymous 47235

E dating arabs is just a good way to make money as long as they are not in a war torn shithole.

Why does she like arabs so much anon?

Anonymous 47244



Anonymous 47248

holy based

just be aware that if they're into simming they might not be around for long

Anonymous 47252


god i wish i was a bit more interested in dating because i do miss the fluttery feelings i uses to have. I do really enjoy spending time with my new friends though and wouldn't want to have to spend less time with them tho

Anonymous 47259

yeah partly because the men attracted to that are going to be psychopaths/machiavellian, so 100% of the time the worst of the worst men

i knew one who actually got away with it. he was 19 and he seemed like such a nice guy. he told me he even lurked female-oriented communities so that he could learn more about how people different from him thought or something like that. turned out he was still a massive piece of shit and lost all interest once i felt i could tell him i wasn't a virgin lol.

psychopathic men are literally only good for money. they deserve to be used and then some.

Anonymous 47266

funny part is this guy actually detested ogu and made fun of most of them for being insecure and caring about "pixels on a screen", but then he got mad about me not being a virgin??? oh wait, it's because he couldn't be "first", bc he viewed a woman as a commodity tainted by prior "use" like something you'd get off fucking amazon or something.

i actually felt like maybe he might be different, he could really relate to women and put effort into it… he didn't even give me anything, i just talked to him because i enjoyed it. and ofc he ended up being a racist groomer who was just as bad as all of them, just smarter and better at hiding it. he's a slavic/caucasian guy who thinks he's an aryan LOL

genuinely feel like no men truly respect women or have healthy views, all i want at this point is a shy nerdy boy who ISN'T secretly a piece of shit… what the fuck do i do sisters?

Anonymous 47273

he never seemed creepy, he even told me how it had helped him to understand things he didn't before. he talked about how he used to think that "women lived life on easy mode" from when he hung around echo chambers, but then he began to understand that it was more complex after reading and talking to women… but i feel like i have to second guess everything he ever did or said because it could all have been to try and manipulate


every human wants love or partnership… he never tried to tell me what to do and always respected my boundaries, he didn't even want me to send nudes or anything

hmm now that i think about it that's probably because he wanted purity for the girl he would date but didnt care about it with the "impure" nonvirgins… I fucking hate men :)

Anonymous 47276

LOL I fucking hate corpses stupid fucking grabley gravely voice someone give him some lemon water, run from any man who chooses to make his "deep voice" a personality trait, just like you would run from one of the server thots that makes her voice sound like an anime girl

Anonymous 47279

i stay farrr away from anyone who associates themselves w/that community particularly BECAUSE i would have figured it was toxic and full of psychopaths! so when he started talking to me and talking about how he didn't really want to talk too much about what he had done before and saying it was because it made him feel bad, now i know that was all bullshit he told me. i don't even consider myself an egirl or anything, and i thought i was good at pointing out shit men

iiii guess i knew him as michael but that probably isn't much. he was talking all this about how he wanted to distance from what he had done before because it was fucked up and "it just wasnt him" and what just astounds me the most is that if he actually wanted to date me he wasn't going to MENTION that he was psychopathic or that he had X mental illness so that maybe i could try to help him get better! he didn't want any help at all, he was HAPPY manipulating others and lying to people he claimed to love.

so, yes i fell for the "i can fix him" meme. no i won't ever do it again. you just can't fix men.

Anonymous 47281

oh and he is 5'11 but tells girls he's 6'3 and literally buys lifts/tall shoes to do it :) just a total fucking loser

Anonymous 47287

why do people like his voice? do people actually find corpse's voice attractive? it sounds awful, like a middle aged man but isn't he like… 23?

Anonymous 47292

dumb dumb here asking what simming is google only told me about switching sim cards out

Anonymous 47295

what if you do all this and yet you still dont have access to his crypto wallet? is it really that simple for allegedly techy people to have their shit in crypto wallets stolen?

Anonymous 47299


What kind of a break-up letter is better, a long one that thoroughly explains why we can't be together or a short one? Or somewhere in-between?
Yes I have no social skills and I have no idea how to behave correctly in these kinds of situations.
Can someone explain to me how not to fuck it up completely?

Anonymous 47304

Just try to be honest anon.
Why are you breaking up?

Anonymous 47305


He just doesn't seem to be in love with me anymore. We've gone from contacting each other from every day to 1 time in a week, and often he doesn't even reply to my texts. That hurts even more than if he would to straight up say that he's not interested, and that's just one effect of his emotional immaturity (though I have to admit most men are emotionally immature).
Also I've noticed some red flags, for example, lack of empathy. One day we were talking about eating disorders (idk why) and he said that bulimic people are just dumb. I tried to explain that they're not choosing to be mentally ill (just like schizophrenics don't choose to), but he didn't seem to understand. I was really hurt by his words then, he clearly saw me "being weird with food" and even if I don't think of myself as bulimic, I still took it to heart.

probably dumb and unrelated but he loves at least 1 of the picrel albums. are the memes true?

Anonymous 47306

sounds like an asshole who is uninterested but doesn't feel like dealing with confrontation. time to leave, yes. i don't think he cares enough for you to write out a long explanation unless you really want to. like, i don't know that he'll care about a long explanation or care about why you're leaving if he's this apathetic. just write out a short explanation and say bye.

Anonymous 47307

It sounds like he is just immature and ignorant it can take years for men to grow up if they ever do but if he does not have mental issues I would not expect true understanding.
You deserve better than to be played around like that.
>is he maybe too depressed or something?
Based on what you said he just seems not to care which is sad as you obviously did/do

Can you explain why being a /mu/fag means he is manipulative?
What is wrong with liking the smiths or any of those albums?
At most if he only likes that music you could try claim he just does not know much music.

Anonymous 47308

>doesn't feel like dealing with confrontation
True. We've talked about that several times and I've made it crystal clear that if he's discontent with something he should tell me right away, I wouldn't want him to suffer in silence and keeping his mouth shut makes everything worse for us both but it seems like the conversations had no effect on him at all.
>he does not have mental issues
ADHD, diagnosed. At least that's what he told me.
Another problem is, we go to the same college IRL and I don't know how seeing each other every day (after the quarantine ends) after the break up would affect him.
I could possibly catch him after the first day (this Monday) and explain everything to him in person. Is it even worth the effort though?

>What is wrong with liking the smiths or any of those albums?

No, nothing wrong with liking these albums, this is a random meme I pulled off some corner of the web and saved because it felt relatable at the moment. No idea why the author decided liking them automatically equals to being a male manipulator.
However dating a /mu/tant doesn't sound really good to me bc you visit 4chinz/etc to get on there and possibly visit other boards which are filled with misogyny. A moid that lurks 4chan isn't boyfriend material.

Anonymous 47309

yeahh it's no coincidence that they post "ironic" pedo memes and egirl grooming memes like 24/7, definition of LVM


based robin hood sister

Anonymous 47310

>A moid that lurks 4chan isn't boyfriend material.
undeniable fact

Anonymous 47311

Agreeing with the other anon just say it, but also be polite if you can when I broke up with my ex I said it was all because of me because men sometimes go fucking insane when they're dumped and I don't need to be a revenge porn victim (don't send nudes ladies especially if it's your first bf), also would make seeing him irl easier if you leave on a better note, give him the old "I gotta work on me~"

Anonymous 47312

> I don't need to be a revenge porn victim (don't send nudes ladies especially if it's your first bf)
There is no good reason to ever send your nudes so he can fap over it.

Anonymous 47313

We're all young and dumb and easily manipulated once, but you're right I've learned a bit from the horrible mistake that relationship was

Anonymous 47314

Mine posts there.

Anonymous 47315

I tend to be wary of "emotional" guys it's a sign they don't have the emotional intelligence to handle themselves. They do tend to be manipulative. The most accessible emotion to men is anger, and if you're not concordant with an emotional guy's perfect image of the world, they're going to turn it on you sooner or later.

Anonymous 47316

>men sometimes go fucking insane when they're dumped
God I hope that won't happen. Though I never sent him nudes, actually it was him who sent me nudes and some embarrassing pics of himself.
So, emotionally immature moids only handle their emotions in two ways, either showing too much or none at all?

Anyway thanks for your advice, anons. This is my first relationship and I don't plan to get in any more (with men, at least) for a long time it seems. I don't want to do all the emotional work while the partner is sitting there and expecting me to solve him.

Are there any 4chanisms you've noticed in his speech? Like calling someone cucks, etc.

Anonymous 47317

this is very true.

Anonymous 47318

in all reality if a guy uses 4chan terminology when talking to a girl, he doesn't have any emotional intelligence to begin with

Anonymous 47319

>Are there any 4chanisms you've noticed in his speech? Like calling someone cucks, etc
No, I don't think he takes it seriously, usually just winding-up the rest of them.

Anonymous 47320

If you both use imageboards who cares?
I would be fine with it personally
Just like a normalfag using their new speak

Anonymous 47321


Anonymous 47322

top kek desu mega lol ebic meming winrar larpfag go an hero

Anonymous 47329

SO date guys from reddit?

Anonymous 47331

yes in what world are guys on reddit not far better than guys on 4chan

i would prefer a total loser with literally no clue how to talk to a girl but at least with respect for others and who holds few, if any, misogynistic views, and nothing egregious like "women are emotional and shouldn't vote," only the low-key misogyny conditioned into men by society

Anonymous 47335

Holy shit I think you need to meet some more chan peopple aside from the loudest shitposting meme swallowing retards.
Imagine wanting to date a reddit using soyboy cuck.
I know men on chan are trash tier but you serously paint them all as incels when that is not entirely true.

Why not just try to make some friends and the ones that you truly like date them?
At least you can talk to chanfags like humans instead of toddlers like reddte guys that get offended on everyone elses behalf

Anonymous 47338

Definitely depends on the type of redditor if he's a haha take my upvote good sir dude he's probably just annoying but this can be overlooked if you like him if he's a turbo coomer like anon was talking about yeah don't. I prefer my men to be instagram normies personally

Anonymous 47339

You are clearly male
>soyboy cuck.
>reddte guys that get offended on everyone elses behalf
>aggressive sentence structure

What's the issue, something hit ya personally or you forgot to dilate?


Maybe this, but I don't think that you can >>47338
hold an intellectual conversation w/an ig normie?

Anonymous 47341

just avoid men from the internet
bad times all around

Anonymous 47342

I also dream of a shy nerdy bf who isn't a piece of shit but I don't think I can find one.

Anonymous 47343

only normalfags go outside.

Anonymous 47347

yeah and what kind of sucks is that if a guy knows the right things to say and he's a really good conversationalist but he also happens to be shy or not have many friends, he's probably just a shy psychopath that has high inhibitions meeting people

obviously this isn't every guy but it is a lot of them that i've met. i'm the same girl from >>47279 and this guy actually told me all about how he used to be really shy but he "broke out of his shell" gradually, but he was always good at keeping up a conversation.

the point of this is that if you find an autist who doesn't know how to talk to you and seems to be walking on eggshells… maybe it's a good thing? he probably just really wants you to like him and doesn't want to lose you!

once he starts LYING and MISLEADING you to like him, instead of just being sheepish, that's the problem. but that's only some guys, there are a few that just genuinely don't know what to say and don't want you to think they're weird :( gl sis!

Anonymous 47355

Not dated but knew a girl that dated one… he promised to marry her and turned out to be a scammer and was chatting to 3 other girls.

Anonymous 47371


It's a weird situation all around. The snowflake I am talking about is a womanchild who never wants to work a day in her life (at age of 27 she worked only for 3-ish months because her ex kicked her out cause he got sick of her, being a manipulative 'muh mentall illness' flake). She kept and keeps screaming everywhere on Discord or Reddit on how traditional and right-wing she is, while not doing a jack shit: she lives in a basement of her mother and grandmother's house, doesn't do such basic things as cooking, helping them to clean out or with garden (that is 3 steps away from her, she always turns on 'IM DEPRESSED' mode to scream on Discord while playing videogames instead), never cooks or even puts her own laundry. When she started working her own mother had to prepare her clothing all the time, as if she is going to school. Woman is so sheltered that she cannot seriously talk to people her age or older, because her whole personality consists of nothing but videogames and 'depression' that involves her, talking shit about herself on her Discord server that has only men who r interested in talking to her because she could e-date them. Well, and talking about how she is 'not like the other girls'.
After she broke up, she kept furiously stalking her ex's medias, just to later then give up and try convincing her American friend to e-date her and marry her like in her fave shitshow '90 days fiance', to which he nopped out of there. After that for some reason she started looking after arabs, 2 times failed because they all ran away from her quickly. Ah, and she also blames her being overweight for all of her problems instead of her personality. She cannot stand being around women, always ends up being rude, jealous or acting like a petty kid, or worse trying to make it a competition.
However the 3rd one is a literal kid compared to her, but he also has something fishy it seems like. He turned 22 recently, is nothing special, a very fat guy who still has a huge babyface, I literally thought its my ex classmate at first. They knew eachother for less than half of a year just to start e-dating recently (which she tries to hide from her family, while also lying about his age, making him older. But I believe her mother knows everything because u can hear all the shit she is yelling from the basement everywhere.). In this situation it's really obvious how she started e-dating him because he is the only guy who is willing to listen to her whining, basically the 'I WILL SAVE EVERYONE' personality type. However he also seems a bit manipulative, there is no way for her to talk to anyone without him involved, and he calls her all the time, even when a guest comes over for dinner. She can never turn on Discord unless it's for or with him and his friends. A lot of his tweets that I looked at seemed like a 'soft boy' play pretend that would actually manipulate the shit out of you, it also seems like he gets off people who are not too well mentally. The weirdest part is he appears to be 'so rich' that he buys himself new gaming equipment weekly, eg he just randomly buys a huge pack of razer keyboards, mouses etc and brags about having lots of boxes, saying that he actually earned the money himself, not his parents.

The snowflake is a complete idiot, but it makes me worry for her a bit. She left her 3 month job randomly, just to start e-dating this guy 2 weeks later without telling her mother about it while knowing mother's money are tight right now because her company is falling apart, but now somehow she 'magically' makes some money. Cant believe its from freelance because her 'art' is a complete shit from elementary school, she has nothing else to 'offer'. >>47235

Anonymous 47378


Guy that calls sex workers "whores" instead of prostitutes. Red flag or no?

Anonymous 47381


Anonymous 47382

It's not whiteknighting, you retard. A man who calls any woman a "whore" is an obvious misogynist. Don't blame women who try to survive for male degeneracy.

Anonymous 47384

Imagine dating a man who watches porn in the first place KEK. Hets are disgusting. Your porn watching scrote is way more disgusting than the prostitute.

Anonymous 47385

theyre all fat and ugly but ok

Anonymous 47387

internalized misogyny: the post

Anonymous 47388

I dont give a single fuck about sex work positivity, but if a man calls any woman a whore that is a red flag.

Anonymous 47394


What else do you like about him? I don't mean to sound like I'm belittling, I apologize if I do, but do you like other stuff about him other than what he looks like? Or is he kinda shallow?

Anonymous 47395

this is either a moid or a woman so deeply embroiled in self-hate that i can't possibly see why their posting can be useful here

u guys have the entire rest of the internet to use misogynistic slurs, get the fuck out of here

Anonymous 47396

She sounds very immature. Maybe she's playing the tradfu part because arabs usually expect women to be traditional. Maybe she's trying to latch on to him for that gulf money? Either way, arab men online are shady and they should be avoided. Especially rich arabs, they are psychopaths.

Anonymous 47398

what's simming?

Anonymous 47445


It's pretty sad to notice just how incompatible you are with someone all of a sudden.
I've been dating this woman for awhile and our libidos have become totally mismatched. Worse still, I can't help but be paranoid given we've had issues with her cheating before (as in full blown relationships).

Anonymous 47450


>Be me
>lesbian looking to date
>join tinder and arrange a date with a cute girl
>she's one of the few people that liked my profile
>I find her smile pretty
>I know she's insecure when smiling because of 1 crooked tooth
>on date
>I tell her I think her smile is pretty
>She smiles and tries to return a compliment
>"uhhm, uh.. I like your hair colour anonette"
>It wasn't even my natural hair colour
>… I had dyed my hair a prettier shade of brown the other day
>We never spoke again

Anonymous 47451

wtf you guys sounded like you would have been rather sweet together, message her anon she'd probably like it

Anonymous 47452

What? No. She obviously wasn't into me. She didn't even put any effort into any conversation.

Anonymous 47453

How long did she cheat for anon? there is more to relationships than sex but it can be an issue if severely mismatched

Anonymous 47454

maybe she was nervous?

Anonymous 47455

This was about 2 years ago. She has a boyfriend now.

Anonymous 47461


Rip anon, there's other fish in the sea so please keep putting yourself out there

Anonymous 47504

I wish it was easier to meet other girls who like girls honestly

Anonymous 47509

Sounds like my ideal girlfriend.

Anonymous 47523



Anonymous 47526


Is this true?

Anonymous 47527

i don't believe these things but if i had to, infp, infj, or isfj

Anonymous 47528

Yes and no. It's true about not getting laid, that doesn't matter and any woman can. I also think any woman can get "commitment" but it's meaningless. even the most attractive women have men who are thinking of fucking women behind their backs, imagining fucking other women while they cum, would cheat if they couldn't get caught, etc. The bar for fidelity is very low. It's all worthless unless all you care about is companionship basically on par with having a dog. If they're useful to you in other ways, legally or financially, I can understand that too. But it's all unfaithful and not true commitment the way women usually give to men.

Anonymous 47529

labels don't really mean shit just call yourself internally whatever you want

Anonymous 47530

Femcels don't exist

Anonymous 47533

Tell me where we a…

Anonymous 47609


I only have a problem of self-sabotage not in romantic relationships but in friendships and my relationship with food/weight.

>I feel like it’s too good to be true

I constantly feel like that when introduced to a new friend circle, especially if they seem to like me. I start getting paranoid and/or obsessed with some crazy idea of reference, like if one of them secretly loves me and sends me signals subconsciously and subtly through their body language/etc. Sounds fucking insane (and it is), luckily I can recognize the thoughts and stop before it gets too bad. Wasn't able to do that a while ago and that led me to some mental anguish and weird behaviour.

Anonymous 47617



you are worthy of love and care and respect, anon. next time try to tell your bf if you are feeling scared and fighting the urge to push him away. maybe he can help you to trust him and he can remind you of his love when you need it.

we are all scared of intimacy but also we all need it.

Anonymous 47680

men say the same thing about women

Anonymous 47695

Projection is another thing men do all the time.

Anonymous 47705


this month i'm meeting with a guy i've been chatting for 6 months
he's more experienced than me and i'm a clueless virgin
some tips to not screw up on our first date?
also general relationship tips are ok

Anonymous 47709


It's me again. Things are going so well, I never imagined a relationship could feel so comfortable and natural. All my previous relationships had tons of weird issues, and even with good intentions nothing worked well regardless of how much we communicated for hours and hours. I really thought that's how it normally is even if you manage to dodge actual adversarial vibes, and I would be a dumbass to give in to crush feelings yet again, as if this time would be any different. But now I really think it might be! Of course it's still early, but the past few months have felt so healthy and refreshing.

We have a lot of fun together, but I guess another hugely important thing is that we're a match in expressing things more through spontaneous actions rather than just talking. It's hard for me to trust people because I'm still pretty blackpilled on a fundamental level and have deeply internalized how easy it is for anyone to say anything, so in a relationship taking people's words at face value requires an unreasonable leap of faith considering the emotional investment. But it turns out actions are immediately more credible especially when I don't need to ask for them. It feels like he enjoys putting in effort to make me happy, not just doing the bare minimum when I ask so that it's enough to make me stick around. Even though he was in the middle of a crazy work week that had him stay up until 5am some nights, he found the time to help me move. I got a puppy which is insanely exhausting since he requires constant supervision and doesn't sleep through the night yet, but my bf made sure I had food and stayed over every night, even though this meant he would also get woken up constantly and bitten by the little demon and would step in the occasional pee puddle, all because I have a hard time falling asleep while stressed and cuddling helps me calm down. And in his sleep he's always pulling me closer and holding me really tight, it's so sweet.

He is in another country finishing his PhD now so we can't spend Christmas together, despite both of us being very into the cozy aesthetics surrounding it haha. A while ago I mentioned something about how sad that is, and he just said it'll be fine because we get to spend all the other Christmases together. Oh god anons, I think we might actually make it, of course the hormonal honeymoon period will end but I feel like we're doing a good job so far building a foundation beyond that and I'm so super excited about the future if it can be even a fraction of this happiness and warmth.

Anonymous 47710

I'm so glad to read that it's going well anon, just remember that if something small goes wrong (and it will) you must remember to keep your learned blackpill reflexes under control and not tilt. Love and happiness can be real.

Anonymous 47714

It can be both. Assigning bad behaviour to an entire group and then insisting that the entire group does it therefore the other group can't is a trap that some fall into and others use in bad faith. A lot of the terror between the sexes comes down to each sex trying to avoid the predators and parasites who cloak themselves in their opposite sex's population. The first thing any parasite does is try to hide from the body's immune system, so too do human parasites try to jam social immune systems by confusing norms, blurring motivations, normalising abuse, and so on.

Likewise, confidence is a weapon. Predators know how to use it to demolish others who don't have weaker positions but do have normal pro-social self-doubt. It's a great position for them to take because they aren't distinguishable from those who're simply slow, so they can never be proven to be acting in bad faith.

It's an arms race, and we're a mess.

Anonymous 47717

What are you afraid you'll do to screw up, Anon? Dating isn't a contest. Some people get very haughty and judgey about dates, yeah, but if he's one of those people then you probably don't want to date him again. My experience is that men are usually much easier-going than women are about this.

The goal of a date is to get to know the other person, to help them to know you, and to build attraction + comfort between you. Anything that does that is good. In your case you've been chatting with him for half a year so the goal is to get to know him in person and see if you like him like that. That's it, that's all. Even if the date fizzles out then you win, right? So who cares if he's more experienced than you, because his goal will be the same as yours. For me, the best dates are those where you click and feel like you're both working together to make each other feel good about things.

There's lots of stuff that a person's body sends out like smell signals or body language or a huge number of other things that determine compatibility. So you might be incompatible with him even though you like him enough from chatting to meet him. You should remember that this outcome is also okay, it's your two bodies communicating on their own and then sending the results to you. Your body will do this on its own so be aware of what it's telling you, keeping in mind that bodies have their own interests and it's just one input on what you decide to do.

If you want to know the basics of being on a date then mirror his body language, smile, think of conversation topics ahead of time, and be open. The usual pattern is for you both to find if your vibe overlaps. If you like him and he likes you then you should expect to become closer during the date, both physically and vibewise. Expect him to touch you, starting at places like your shoulder or arm. If you like it then let him, and if you don't like it then close off or move his hand to somewhere you do feel comfortable being touched. If you do like him and it's just a matter of pace then you can say something like "not yet" and smile, or if you're seriously turned off and do want to reject the touch then you can flinch, move his hand away, and/or say "no". Some men are bad at touching so if he doesn't touch you it doesn't mean that he doesn't want to. If you do want him to touch you then move closer to him, brush up against him, smile, make eye contact, and so on.

Hygiene is obvious, so dress in nice clean clothes, wash your hair the night before, and so on. See if he gives you chances to speak, see if he's sincerely interested in what you have to say. You should do the same for him. If you're too nervous to talk much then guide the conversation to things you know he'll want to talk about and let him do the lifting, but make an effort to participate in the conversation or he'll think that you're closing off and the date isn't going well. If he knows what he's doing then he'll try to match your pace and make you comfortable. Your job is to be open to that, and try to do the same for him. Don't close off and look at your phone, that's a real vibe-killer.

If either of you fuck up any or all of the above then fall back on your intuition and try to sincerely engage with the date. I've had dates that fucked up nearly everything above but I still enjoyed.

Unfortunate but necessary: Let someone you trust know where you're going, when, and with whom. You can set up a "safety check" where you arrange to call that person at a certain time and let them know you're alright. If you don't check in or use the wording you arranged with them then they should assume something bad has happened to you. Don't miss the check-in. Know where you'll be going and always make sure you have a way to get back home on your own from each point (transport/taxi fare, don't drink if you need to drive, etc.). If you're in a bar or something and shit's going real bad then say you're going to the restroom, approach the bar staff, act like you're ordering something, tell them you need to escape and ask them to quietly call you a cab. If you get a creeped-out or threatened feeling then listen to it, try to figure out where it's coming from, then if necessary execute a plan to end the date and escape.

If you're worried about being caught in the moment then plan things ahead of time, and imagine how you'll act. Specifics depend on what you're worried about and what you want.

What are you going to do for the date? Do you know?

Anonymous 47732

this helps a lot tbh

anyw i'm mostly nervous because i'm inexperienced and i'm afraid i'll screw up and stuff
but i'll try being chill abt it

as for the date
we're prob going to hang at a cafe or something similar, we've yet to decide kek

Anonymous 47733

Always happy to help, Anon. The ways that someone can "screw up" a date fall into accidentally sending the wrong signals, failing to pick up the other person's signals properly, or causing a social break of some kind, but there's lots of leeway if you both genuinely like each other. Think of it as a co-op game where you're working together to try and have a good time, and remember that he's probably nervous about it as well because even if you're experienced the nerves don't go away entirely.

>hang at a cafe

Good first date. Try not to sit directly opposite him if you can because that makes building physical rapport harder. Find a nook or corner of the cafe if one's available; it's hard to build intimacy and comfort if you're in an open spot with lots of eyes on you. If caffeine makes you a blabbermouth like it does me then be aware of it and try to make sure he gets turns to talk. Some girls get snooty about going Dutch but I think it's better to try and pay for yourself and if he wants to pay for you then he'll stop you and insist. If he lets you then don't think anything of it, the modern world's difficult enough without dissecting that stuff.

If the vibe's good and he's got the date planned then he might suggest to move along to a different place and activity after a while. If he doesn't then that doesn't mean anything in particular, but you might want to think of some things to do together with him after the cafe part in case you want to suggest something.

I'll stop vomiting information now; I'm just happy to hear Anon has a date.

Anonymous 47811


this really helps, especially because i didn't even know where to start!
also i'll update when we'll meet each other if the thread still holds up!!

Anonymous 49148



so, little update on this situation.
We've seen eachother for the first time and i went better than I expected, he was really chill and easygoing.
I might have done some cringy stuff but nothing too bad bc he knows that i freak out when i'm stressed and he reassured me it was ok.

i hope i can see him again soon!

Anonymous 49164

glad to hear anon!

[Return] [Catalog]
[ Rules / FAQ ] [ meta / b / media / img / feels / hb / x ]