Vent Thread Anonymous 38741
A thread for getting things off your chest, say what's on your mind, organize your thoughts, anything goes.
We reached bump limit. Old thread: >>35766
I've always known I have depression and anxiety but I'm starting to think I have other undiagnosed mental illnesses like mild autism, avoidant personality disorder and ADHD
I don't want people to think I'm trying to brag about how mentally ill I am or something, I don't want these things to define me but I feel like if I give the way I act and how I process things a name it'll be easier to understand myself and try to cope better with my shortcomings
The truth is that giving a name to your problems and calling them an illness is more likely to make you feel defective and helpless than provide understanding and benefit to you. Being introspective is a useful thing. It’s a shame that in the modern age, everything needs to be diagnosed and medicated. It’s okay to work through things. You can overcome it if you want to.
Facial hair on men is DISGUSTING
EVERY GUY has a giant pubebeard and mustache. every one. I go on tinder and it's all a bunch of soyboy fuggos. Even the guys who would be average looking ruin it by having a pile of pubes on their face.
>made thread on 4/adv/ pointing this out, "this is why you don't have a gf. shave your face"
>deleted in under a minute by asspained neckbeard janitor
Now I get to choose between dating micropenised asian men, who at least are incapable of growing a pubeface, or average penised white "men" who make me want to throw up just looking at them. men are like pigs, show them a pile of shit and they rush to throw themselves in it. Men should not be in charge of their own appearance because they will RUSH to do anything possible to ruin themselves. These mens' mothers need to give them a belt buckle to the ass until they learn better. Disgusting, it's just disgusting.
Dumb. Maybe it's because there's a pretty big gap between mental illnesses that feel alien to your own mind and stuff that's just an issue with how you handle your own emotions or something but at least with my own experience with OCD understanding it as a specific problem and pathology instead of as a more mundane albeit unpleasant part of my psyche that I just needed to grapple with emotionally was key in actually doing something about it
This was hilarious, thank you
I think you can safely choose to date non-pubefaced Asian men because looking at this recent YouTube trend of having a South Korean boyfriend, I really doubt they all have micropeepees.
it's 50/50 in my experience. i don't like the girly looking k-pop style boys though. i like the tallthicc ones. tfw no tallthicc azn husband with an average boxer-sausage. their bellies and chests are really smooth and soft, too. few/no hair. the last white guy i had, i took off his shirt and he had hair on his shoulders. his shoulders! if evolution is real, why do i find men so disgusting? you'd think things like pubefaces and shoulderfur would be selected out.
Evolution works on averages. It isn't concerned with anomalies.
You just happened to make an unlucky roll and ended up with a preference (or non-preference, as the case may be) that causes you to be unattracted to a large number of guys, in the same boat as asexuals and such.
I don't think facial hair on guys is as prevalent as you make it out to be overall, though. Have you considered that it might just be a result of the culture in your country/region?
I work at a grocery store in the southern US and I think at least more than half the men I see have no facial hair.
I really hate boomers. Loud, argumentative, ignorant, pig-headed, so damned sure they're right about everything when even a 2 second google search or logical examination could prove them wrong. and they never shut up, they're always in your face looking to start an argument, always trying to attention whore and get people to listen to their retarded opinions about everything. insufferable retarded idiots. boomers are the most uneducated generation to ever exist. most of them haven't read a book since high school in the damned 70s. truly a dangerous combination: loud AND stupid. they're the type of people who will kick you to the ground and then call you a stupid idiot for being on the ground.
I need to get a new passport urgently as proof of ID to rent a flat for next semester, and if I dont I might lose the flat I want, but Im procrastinating because I dont like making phone calls
Im stressed about and online friendsship I have with a girl from my uni
Im generally feeling bad about how Im not really doing anything rn
I'm pretty sure I'm Autistic which really sucks, I also keep being lazy with my work from home job because I'm lazy and because I have serious anxiety and procrastination problems. I know I just let everyone down, especially myself
My friend keeps using me as a therapist, he keeps having breakdowns to me and it's really heavy and hard to deal with. I myself am not in the best of situations but he'd say about how he has it worse than me or how he's jealous of me because he gave me someone in my country's contact details and no one's done that for him. It's upsetting because the majority of his problems are self afflicted, he had friends but got tired of them and cut them off but now misses them. I really want to help him but I don't really know what to do and it's all really taking its toll on me.
I'm really worried about uni and whether or not I'll be able to have a social life there. I'm very isolated at the moment and I was hoping I'd be able to make rl friends and actually meet people and have experiences and such. I just wanna go out with friends and have a good time and I feel like a loser.
if you choose a career you really like you're bound to find people like you. i didn't have any friends in highschool/middleschool because it was full of normies who only cared about partying and sex. i'm majoring in linguistics and all my friends are passionate about the same things i am, languages, culture, literature, anthropology. it's great
I was a shut in NEET before going to uni. for the first 3 years I was at uni I didnt make any friends. just sat in my room while my flatmates had parties and shit down stairs. wanted my kms
at the end of my 3rd year a made 1 friend, but then corona hit and I had to go home. we talk on discord but idk if its a real relationship or not
feel like Ive wasted my time at uni tbh. doubt I'll be able to completely turn things around in my last year
i've been talking to this boy i met on tiktok and i've caught feelings way too quickly. it sucks because he lives in a different continent and there's no way anything could really work out but i'm just so infatuated. it feels like a dream but the crushing reality is that i'm going to be so sad when this inevitably ends. plus i'm really jealous because even though he's not famous or anything on tiktok (he has 4k followers) he gets a bunch of young teenage girls in his comments simping for him hard and my yandere side wants to kill them all. my bpd side is in love with him already and i hate myself for it because i'm going to be so sad.
I recently graduated from university this past May and I didn't make any friends there
I tried joining clubs and being sociable with my fellow students but nothing ever worked out and I never got the college experience I wanted
I recently ran away from an abusive household. Since I worked with my father, I lost my income the moment I cut ties with him. I was lucky enough to move in with my relative, and my insurance covers for therapy, so I can work on my trauma.
However job hunting has been so stressful because of the pandemic. No place is calling me back despite having adequate work experience. I figured that would of been the case since my state is shutting down again and leaving essentials open. My uni is still going to be online this upcoming semester, which is annoying bc I dislike the online learning structure.
I figure I'm not the only young adult struggling during this pandemic.
i guess i just don't connect with people
how frequently should friends talk to eachother? Im pretty new to this. if we only message each other on discord a couple of times a week, should I be worried?
I hate how the beard is seen as “Chad” and “high T” when it’s really just ugly as fuck on 90% of guys. I’m pretty sure guys get them to hide facial flaws such as a weak chin but that very rarely actually work. Most decent looking beards take just as much work to maintain as shaving everyday would be so I don’t understand why lazy internet fuckers think it’ll get them chicks. Whenever my bf doesn’t shave for a week and starts to grow a bit of a chin strap I stare at him autistically until he shaves god I hate facial hair.
>>38917>caught feelings for a boy on tiktok
please return when you are 18
still applying for jobs, but i want a new computer
i hope the latest stimulus check includes dependents
It's been almost a month since my ex dumped me. I'm on my period and I have very explicit sex dreams for the past two days. Is this normal?
Whenever someone raises their voice at me or laughs at me I immediately shut down, and if it doesn't stop very very quickly I start crying. Why are people like this? I know I am a retard who cannot do anything right but you don't need to get offended by my incompetence. Are all people just completely blind to how others react? I literally freeze in my steps sometimes and people still think it is all fun and good, xd. Fuck going outside
I get very horny on my period too. I'm basically in the exact situation you are in but I dumped him.
I have explicit sex dreams all the time. either vanilla, some light BDSM, or full out guro. nothing in the middle. other night it was being fucked by tentacles with spikes on them like cacti spines. sometimes eyefucking.
I don't think I understand what it even means to have friends. All throughout High School I had a "best friend", but, I wasn't able to articulate my deepest thoughts to myself, let alone others. In my work environment I feel like I have to keep a mask on somewhat, or else I could face major negative consequences. Is having friends just trusting other people with your genuine social "face"? Other people are just so strange, it's hard to find ones that understand that thought processes I'm working in.>>39048
All throughout High School I'm uncertain I understood what it is to have a friend. I was barely able to articulate my private thoughts to myself, let alone others. I'm lucky I have a husband, but it sometimes occurs to me that if he dies, I have no other support groups. The only time I go to social gatherings is through his friend group, so there's also that hovering sense of being an "add on."
Maybe I'm overthinking this.
I wish my ex loved me
>>39091>Is having friends just trusting other people with your genuine social "face"?
If it is, then I don't think I've ever had one.
There are people I know better and around whom I can be a bit more open than normal, but there's always that filter there. Every time I think of something to say I always have to run through possible outcomes of whether it's appropriate, how they might react, how it could affect their long-term opinion of me, etc. The only time I've ever devoted no mental effort toward monitoring my own speech or actions is when I'm completely alone.
I feel like this effort requirement is part of why I don't particularly like interacting with people. Even of the "friends" I've had in the past, I only ever spoke with them when I happened to see them in person during school and such. I'm not sure I've ever called or messaged anyone "just to chat" in my entire life.
Do you mind my asking how you were able to get a husband? Did you like being around him from the start, or was he just an acquaintance at first and you grew to like him enough over time that you wanted to go out of your way to see him?
>>39106>Do you mind my asking how you were able to get a husband? Did you like being around him from the start, or was he just an acquaintance at first and you grew to like him enough over time that you wanted to go out of your way to see him?
We met on a now defunct imageboard, or rather, the zeemap on such a board. A common culture of browsing imageboards did wonders for me not having to worry about what kind of things I could or couldn't say around him, in jest or sincerity, and maybe that's just what I needed. Because I knew he should be able to handle it, I was very blunt and straightforward from the start about what I wanted and what I liked. We emailed for the first little bit, had a nice phone call together, and then met in person. I was able to be very forward with how much physical affection I wanted to give, something I've never been able to do in the past with others, not even my own family really. I was probably a bit reckless about the entire process and a bit too quick about it too, but it turns out if you find someone even mildly well-adjusted mentally and socially on an image board there's a relatability you have a hard time finding elsewhere. Maybe it was just the brutal honesty, but we seemed to have amazing chemistry from the first in person meeting. It's not been all perfect mind you, in fact we've both made some major mistakes, but, him and I seem to be of a mutual understanding that we do have each other's best interests in mind, as well as a common sense of "values".
Maybe I could relate to more people if I just acted this way from the start, but it feels like if I make on inappropriate slip up and I'm done for in more ways than one. I completely relate to this.>Every time I think of something to say I always have to run through possible outcomes of whether it's appropriate, how they might react, how it could affect their long-term opinion of me, etc
I do this a lot in unfamiliar social situations, with today's massive level of surveillance, it feels like one fuck up and the rest of your life is ruined. I'm uncertain resolve this other than ignoring it and trying anyway, but then, even if I do manage to, most people just aren't interesting to talk to. I'm not going go full normalfags, but there's just a gap in what others and myself find interesting to talk about, and as much as I like to talk, that's only fun when the other person is having a good time too. Meanwhile, I do my best to shut up and genuinely listen to other people, but so few have anything worthwhile to say. Maybe I just need the right social environment, heading back to University might help, though I know just because someone's at the college level doesn't make them smart or interesting.
same even though i hate them
I'm having a hard time seeing the point of relationships or of friendships.
It's all very random.
I don't see how the connections I make are special in any way at all.
It's just luck. Fragmented worlds.
What's the point of a relationship if I'm just securing traits that were passed from birth?
Things outside of our control, and yet everyone still plays the game.
I'm only valued for things I had no control over…
And yet I do the same. I resent it. To wish for someone kindhearted and yet I can't stir anything inside me if they've got a bad roll…
What makes it even special anymore? It seems like most miners just forget the serendipitous aspect to their relationships.
At this point I don't even want a relationship.
And what's the point of a friendship if I'm just stuck in a continuous external validation cycle and feel barren, hopeless, useless when I turn off my devices. Empty rooms, bland food I cook. I always feel undervalued and hurt, somehow. Then I blame myself for caring as much as I did, when it's clear that's not the new mode of friendship in our modern world.
I wonder if I'll finally pick up interests now that I've blocked everyone.
Luckily the memories from school are at least fading. I don't want to remember the firepits and bike rides.
I just wish I could love my special group of people for who they are. And they might do the same. I'm just not sure who you are, or who I am anymore.I know it's my fault I ended up this way.Thanks for reading my blog post.There are still things to be thankful for, don't you think?https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7HnzrblXZpo
how old are you?>>38970
friendship dynamics are different anon. If you genuinely want to be friends with that person, just discuss if you want it to be low maintenance or not.
God i want an irl friend group so bad, i want to go out with friends and drink with people and bond with people and have long deep lasting friendships instead of having to talk to people behind a screen every day i hate it so much
I feel ya anon, are you a neet?
I feel this too, I’ve isolated myself from everyone in quarantine. My family worries about me having no friends. Everytime I see a friend group of people having fun, it makes me jealous and insecure.
yeah I've been a neet for a while and even when i was working my days would just consist of working and going home neeting.
my whole life has only ever consisted of working and staying at home and nothing remotely in between. now im just in a state of self loathing without even any reoccurring income.
Can't say I am that different, but I think that what helps in making friends is having things you are passionate about. Do you have any normie interests?
>>39150>I feel this too, I’ve isolated myself from everyone in quarantine. My family worries about me having no friends.
I feel this so much, I'm employed, but everytime my Mother calls me one of her questions is always "did you make any friends?" and I have no response other than "No, not yet". It's not that I don't want to make friends either, I just don't know how to find people that find what I find interesting. I'm usually getting talked passed or talking passed someone. >Everytime I see a friend group of people having fun, it makes me jealous and insecure.
Don't understand this part though. The kind of fun I like having doesn't seem to gel with this ever.
I like some normie switch games and i have a lot of experience with administration. I also really like reading and storytelling if that makes sense
i have no idea how any of these interests could net me a lasting friend group at this time though
tfw. i have tennis "friends" but that's it
i see in like, anime and books, people with such deep friendships they would die for eachother and i will never, ever have that. but hey i'll never have a perfect lovely dovey romance either so whatever, everything worth having in life is impossible to attain. you spend your whole life chasing it, trying to keep your chin up, "maybe someday it will happen, i just have to keep trying", and then you die of cancer alone at age 60 after a live of suffering and loneliness.
Well you cannot really make friends with anyone if you have nothing to talk about. Personally, I do not think it is personality that matters that
much in friendships, sure it is important but having common interests is even more important. I usually try to keep up with the typical normie schlock just so that I can join random convos normies have, it is annoying but it works.
aaaah i really feel that reference to fiction, it hurts that nothing i'll ever have will be like the friendship i see in fiction>>39159
I like animal crossing, mario kart and some normie anime here and there is that enough?
i've been seeing this guy and i really want us to start dating but i have trust issues and i'm afraid he'll break my heart..
i just want to be vulnerable and show my true self to someone but i'm so scared of getting hurt
Most relationships that end don't end pleasantly and while that's hard it something you have to deal with or else be celibate. Is the guy somehow giving you a lot of red flags? Otherwise you should go for it and allow yourself to be happy, you shouldn't stay paralyzed by your own fears forever
Open up to him. Remember to reciprocate if he opens up in return.
If you want to be vulnerable, be vulnerable. Ignore the feeling scared part.
if possible, try to turn your online friends into irl friends (while avoiding a ffxiv house situation, of course).
I'd need more UK friends for that, most of them live in the middle of nowhere, I have like one UK friend and she's not that active
he's really nice, he's patient and worries about my mental health, gives me space when i want to be alone, etc. he's perfect in every way except for one little thing
he introduced me to league of legends a few days ago, we've only played once together but he got reported for flaming and he has multiple accounts because he gets banned all the time
…that's definitely a red flag, right? he's so put together and calm the rest of the time, it kind of caught me off guard
It's fucking weird but I wouldn't say it's a deal breaker if only because I'm trusting you to not be absolute shit at reading people and when you say that he's otherwise absolutely perfect I'm assuming that's not a performance
I think you should ask him about it.
i mean it's not like he started yelling or anything like i said he's a pretty chill guy he just made fun of some random guy on our team because he (the other guy) started shit talking us for being bad at the game, when he himself got killed like 10 times by someone who was bronze (he was gold iirc)
maybe that's just how everyone in league is idk? like how everyone in 4chan is toxic i guess>>39213
i think i will later, i'm not very subtle tho i hope he doesn't think he made me angry
Doesn't sound that bad of him, if he was just being defensive. That kind of stuff is just a part of those games. I always. Avoid anything marked with "competitive" advertised in it for this reason. Don't try tearing him away from it. It's like crack. If he gets worse, maybe try pulling him out.
I HAVE NO DESIRES OR INTERESTS I DON'T THINK I DON'T FEEL I'VE DIED I SURE HAVE
Liar. We all face desire. Do not hide your desires.
I feel the same about interests… I’m trying to ease myself back into creative things I used to enjoy like drawing.
I can’t sleep without my boyfriend, it’s 4am and I still haven’t fallen asleep. I don’t want to be unproductive tomorrow so I really hope I can get some sleep. Frickin sucks, just have to wait out six days of this hellish tossing and turning every night.
I've been depressed for so long I don't remember a time when I wasn't depressed. I never thought there was a different plane to live on. I had a strange upbringing, plenty of trauma, more trauma as an adult, and it was difficult to live through.
and all of a sudden, the depression left me over the last few weeks. I almost don't know what to do with myself. It's so weird. I want to cry with happiness at the burden that has been lifted from my back. I feel like I can love freely. I never knew what that was like.
I hope to never return.
I miss my ex. I wish i could hear his sweet voice tell me he loves me
As someone who plays league a lot, I do not think it means that
much. Playing that game brings out the worse in you and I have seen many calm people (including myself) call someone terrible things while in a heated game. I know someone who got permabanned just for saying something like "the nazis didnt do a good enough job" to a Pole. At worst he has anger managment issues, but he is probably just competetive.
okay i might want a borger. there are some good veggie patties in the freezer i might have one tomorrow if i can face leaving the house before 5pm>>39223
i don't even know. i used to get sad about things at least, being poor, lonely, my many many failures, but now i just don't care. it is actually quite firghtening how little i care about anything these days.
that said i did watch the first episode of series about the iraq war and nearly cry, but i can't go through life only feeling emotions about world changing geo-political events.
i'm tired of being self destructive and idiotic. i know now i can move on since i aknowledge these traits in myself but god, i genuinely had it so good. i used to have lots of kind compliments about my body and skin, which i ruined by failed dieting and using skin picking as a really bad coping mechanism.. i could never see that i looked much nicer until now, and i look back at older photos. i want to go back to being effortlessly beautiful and healthy and not being as destructive. it's not beyond over tier but fuck
i'm destructive in relationships or whatever semblances of them i've had too, i wish i didn't flip flop with this one guy and i still care about him so much but i'm not really the most appropriate person to help him or be there for him. it kills me because i'm not sure if anyone else is truly there for him. idk
Are you getting professional help?
no, i think i'm okay anon.. i think i'm stabilizing these days and doing better, at least in some regards. just sucks to think that my problems were self created to a large extent.
detructive was probably the wrong blanket term to refer to relationships. i think i did bad last one, albeit unintentionally, but most were just volatile due to my poor taste in people.
fuck i responded to myself sorry
You're not okay, anon. You need help. Professional help. There's only so much an anonymous poster can give you in terms of therapy. The sooner you can find help, the sooner you can understand what's truly wrong, and how to fix it.
i don't know, maybe i'm coming off as overdramatic.. i'm worried about having unchecked mental illness sometimes, mostly bpd, but i don't think i'm nearly destructive enough to qualify. i don't manipulate people, no cutting, etc..most of the people around me disagree when i ask. perhaps depression but my current mess of a mental state is definitely due to neetdom, which will be over soon since i'm heading into school.
thank you for the regards though, if this keeps happening i will seek it.. i'm still pretty inexperienced with relationships so i feel like it's natural to be messy to some extent? also i should mention that technically none of these 'relationships' began, which is all the more pathetic in a way. that ultimately they didn't want to date me but we may as well have been dating kind of case.
>made date with guy
>had to put it off a day because of work
>message him 90 minutes ago to confirm we're still okay to go tonight
>message him 20 minutes ago thinking he didn't get the alert
>now it's already the time we would have met and he hasn't responded
i'm real tired of men treating me like shit. i dont know why i bother
>>39227>can't sleep without bf>don't have bf>just abuse sleeping pills and try to function on 3 hours of sleep on nights the pills dont work
You just admitted to being destructive in your own relationships. Get help before you start anew. >>39307
Just try somebody else. Put him behind you and move on. It's not worth getting stuck on cowards.
He doesn't sound like he was worth the time anon, move on and find a non shitty guy
mom's closet friend just died of covid
life is such shit. i'm such shit. if i had money i could buy her something or take her out to lunch but i can't do anything but just be there for her…
this being said i'm still going to take her to her favorite restaurant, don't care if i'm broke, fuck it
and while i'm thinking of her friend…he got it from his gf. incredibly stupid move of this gf (who is a FIRST RESPONDER, LITERALLY ALWAYS DEALING WITH SICK PATIENTS) to go around kissing and hugging this man…with underlying health issues. like jfc woman are you that senseless? how TF did you get a job in the medical industry
this is scrambled but i just hate thinking of my mom and how sad she must be and how it doesn't even have to be like this. fucking hell
mental illnesses are serious, anon. you wouldn't tell a cripple that they need to just "get up and walk"
I really love the idea of getting a tiny home and living off the land. That has to be my ultimate goal in my life. Painting or reading in the free time. Unlike now where I feel trapped in the city.
But I love my boyfriend and he's too much of a city person. We tried to live on my family's farm for two years and he absolutely hated it. He's too use to the conveniences of the city. He's recently is going through a phase of being overly materialistic. I think it's because we have a new apartment and decided to get rid of a lot of stuff during the move. He's wanting replace our items with newer and better. I want to comment on it but I don't want to stand in his way of happiness. At least the new apartment is on the ground and comes with a yard. I'm starting a vegetable garden.
Spend time with your mom. I understand not having the money to take her out but look at ways to spend without money. Like watching a movie together at home. Cooking a dinner together. Going for a nice walk in the park together. Recommend a book that you've read to her, and let her borrow it. Or let her cry on your shoulder if she needs it. Just spend quality time.
I'm sure the man's gf feels terrible and guilty about it enough. It's a tough thing that a lot of people are dealing with.
Dump him. Your lifestyles are incompatible. You're unhappy. He's happy, but he'd probably be even happier with a woman who doesn't resent the city.
yeah. and he still hasn't texted me back. so i made a date with another guy for tomorrow, who is also much more handsome and charming anyway. just annoyed me because i went through the effort of shaving my legs for it and everything.
lifestyles are a valid reason i would avoid or drop a relationship. if you cant even agree on where and how to live, i mean, that's a big issue. people are different. i'm very much a city person, the bigger the city the better. i like being right downtown in a small apartment, i'm minimalist and hate driving. basically all i own are some personal care items, a laptop, a very small amount of kitchen gear, and some clothes. totally incompatible with someone who say, wants to live in the surbubs and drive so they can have a big house full of suburban crap, or wants to live in the country and chill with a big garden.
and don't bother with a garden on a rental property. you invite problems with the landlord like that, and if you have to move then you'll be heartbroken to leave your plants behind. at least keep them all in planters if you do.
Why is every man in a mostly-male space always so rude. They’re rude to each other but even worse to any outsider who comes in. Oddly enough is that these are the same men who will melt like a snowflake in your hand whenever you act genuinely nice and caring towards them (making them super susceptible to the egirls they despise). Why do men gotta be dicks? Both to each other and to women who aren’t giving them an erection? Is it unironically toxic masculinity or is it just “male bonding” that I’m simply too female to understand? I am not looking for answers, as it’s just scrots being dumb idiots. There’s no way to teach them basic empathy without intense reeducation.
This may be worthy of its own thread but I’m posting this in vent because I may come to my senses after I finish my beer. The inspiration of this autistic rant is a bunch of dudes dogpilling me in a discord text chat in this server I am in cuz of my bf. Moral of the story is never associate with men besides (potentially) your family, your employer, and your sexual partner ig
Depending on the context men giving each other shit is either a way to signal comfort and friendship because you have to be comfortable with someone to be ok with them making jokes at your expense, dickishness disguised as bonding, or just open assholery. The thing that signals which is stuff like tone and whether or not the butt of the joke is comfortable with it
>>39376>Why is every man in a mostly-male space always so rude.
You've partially answered your own question with the following statement.>They’re rude to each other but even worse to any outsider who comes in.
You notice the pattern that men give men viewed as friends shit, but are far more hostile to outsiders. This is because, in a more open-violence accepting situation, a man would need to make sure his friends could handle a confrontation. If my friend Bob can't take an insult well from me, how the is he supposed to man up and fight Bill and his gang should we need to. Constant shit tests are for the purposes of verifying dependability even under stress in a casual setting, so should anything actually need to get done, you have a better indicator of who is reliable. Can't be breaking into tears as your bashing some other dudes head in with a rock. This mindset came from years of male bonding being concerned with the ability to express violence against rivals in a coordinated . It looks odd nowadays because society continually needs less and less violence from it's members. The outcome of the pattern of behavior is no longer needed, so the pattern of behavior is no longer useful.>Oddly enough is that these are the same men who will melt like a snowflake in your hand whenever you act genuinely nice and caring towards them
They can't get it from men so else are they supposed to get it from?>Moral of the story is never associate with men besides (potentially) your family, your employer, and your sexual partner ig
This unironically sounds like exactly what a traditionalist male would say women should do.
>>39381>This unironically sounds like exactly what a traditionalist male would say women should do.
Impossible, the Trad Chad would never allow his woman to have an employer.
sorry if i make any mistakes…i thought about writing this in spanish but i don't think anyone would understand and i just really want to vent
i feel like a little girl stuck in a woman's body, and i'm not even sure about that because people never believe me when i tell them i'm 20…
i've been through so much trauma i spent my teenage years trying to fix myself and trying to figure out why i was so broken in the first place, instead of socializing and connecting with other people my age
now i'm an adult, my classmates are finding the love of their lives and buying houses and finding stable jobs and i'm here all alone crying in my room because i'm too emotionally stunted to form any meaningful relationships
i'm 20 and i don't know how to drive, i don't know how to cook i don't know how to find a job i don't know how to show others how i feel and it hurts so much to see how i'm falling behind in life. it hurts so much and i'm so afraid. i've been afraid my whole life. i'm just a scared little girl on the inside and i never grew up
>>39383>i'm 20 and i don't know how to drive
I didn't learn until I was 23 or so. It's never too late.>i don't know how to cook
Just think of something you want to make, google "recipe for this thing" and follow the recipe directions.
You don't have to be a master chef or anything, but basic cooking is dead easy if you really try.
Are you two autistic? Men don't tolerate actual meanness in-group whatsoever. Do you think making fun or playfighting is real? It's actually to make everyone comfortable with eachother.
It depends which mostly-male space you are talking about. Places like 8chan and /pol/ tend to be horrendous because they are full of literal Neo Nazi fanatics and the mentally ill. But some boards on 4chan and Wizchan are a lot more civil with guys just talking about and sharing media that interests them (yes porn and hentai but plenty of other stuff as well). Or commiserating with each other about how shitty life can be (just like here). IRL true malice is not tolerated for long at all in a group of guys. It mostly only occurs on imageboards because of the shield of anonymity and in some cases the need to just blow off some steam because they are angry/unemployed/sexually frustrated. From all the seething I have read on imageboards though, I think it's never a good idea to intentionally wind people up a lot online (no matter their gender). You never know what insane things they might do to the real people around them who are completely innocent but end up being on the receiving end of their internet-related bad mood.
I fell in love with someone I met online. He’s a total weirdo but he’s great and we get eachother and he loves me too. Strange thing is despite all this we don’t even know each others’ names or faces. I don’t really care what he looks like regardless and my intuition is that I’d like him (I kinda instantly fall for anyone with blue eyes,). I just worry, I’m not unattractive and my face is cute but I never liked my nose, it’s something I’ve been continually worrying over since puberty and really now aside from Corona chan the only thing stopping me from getting a nose jobu is the money, and I just have to stop being an insecure little bitch and get a job or sell some of my stuff. It’s just the worry that man, it’ll be a year or more since we’ve gotten together and I have to wait till then to even exchange pictures… For that I couldn’t blame him for getting paranoid and leaving or something. I guess I just have to enjoy my time with him and try my best to get this done sooner rather than later. But we get on so well and he is so sweet, it’d absolutely destroy me for something to go wrong. Maybe this is all so tangential and “meaningless” it doesn’t matter too much if we can never meet. But the fantasies make me so happy and so unhappy at the same time. It’s an anxiety that I’d never ever have something so pure again… But if he is not willing to wait a long time Victorian romance style this shit is worthless anyway, that is my cope.
I just want to say you are all very interesting girls (I’d put on my creepy guy mask-face to pretend to be here for some voyeuristic reason, but really now I’m just happy to know nice relatable and based girls exist), who most importantly hate beards and agree that every soyboy and pajeet I have had the displeasure to see totally deserve their lonely modern existence. We’ll all make it frens, you’ll find what you are looking for. Don’t give up on yourself cuz you are somewhat based simply for existing here, depsite being a self-hating femcel.
>worried about being a virgin and tried to hide it all the way up to my twenties
>ended up finding out that apparently that’s a valuable trait
>so is this an incel thing or should i actually now go out of my way to keep it for purity meme? isn’t it selfish and worrying to see that as a valuable trait and have it become part of my self-image? it’s something i had no reason to give a half shit about before but now because of the warped circles ive hung out in i wonder if should really care
I'm kind of in the same situation with the job and driving situation but in the grand scheme of things 20 is still pretty young so we've got quite a bit of time to get it together. Researchers have found that compared to other generations Generation Z are delaying getting a job, getting a license, and dating, and also drink and smoke less, so you might not be as weird as you think, that's just how the world is going now.
If you want to learn how to cook start with learning the basic stuff like pasta, rice, eggs, and vegetables using the internet.
I recommend doing what I did: wait until you end up losing it to someone who cares about you (at least in that moment) but don’t get with someone who fetishizes it. Sex is better when there’s feelings involved anyway.
Additionally, if you lose your virginity and that man, don’t get that “fuck it” mentality and just have sex with everyone (unless you’re totally sure that’s what you want). The Madonna/whore complex is pretty strong on whatever Cantonese knitting forums you lurk, but you can still value yourself even if you’re not a virgin.
If he likes you to begin with, you at least have an advantage there.
Emotional attraction can cause people to overlook quite a few physical flaws, just as it can cause them to overlook personality flaws.
Remembered a random memory of my birthday party when I was 6 or so at home.
>Everyone walked through to the dining room and grabbed a chair.
>I was last.
>Someone had brought their brother uninvited so I ended up without a chair.
>My mum found a storage stool and I had to sit on that.
>It was too small for the table and I ended up feeling left out.
>When I told her, she said that she couldn't make someone else sit there as they were guests.
While I understand this is normal for adults, was this the right thing to do for a child at their birthday party? Genuinely curious.
Found out after the party ended that my sister had a normal chair but my mum didn't think to make her swap, probably as she favours her.
>>39397>my intuition is that I’d like him
Until you see his face and he's a gorilla. I think you should get to seeing each other before you think about permanently altering your face for a complete stranger.>>39401
Don't fixate on how/when to lose it. Pair bonding is all it matters for, if you want a monogamous marriage deal. Otherwise I wouldn't worry about it.
I'm 25 for goodness sake, I really need to stop feeling guilty for not doing everything my mum tells me. She's not even some kind overbearing life-ruiner, I'm just constantly ashamed all the time.
Also I just realised i've been cooking omlettes wrong for years.
idk what I did wrong. did I say something rude? was I just too boring? did I talk too much about myself or not as enough about you? wot??
I feel this so hard. My sibling is the opposite of me; he doesn't give a fuck about what our mum tells us. I wished I had his mindset.
I may fail my studies at the last year despite almost perfect grades because I didn't complete any phys ed classes, which was required in the curriculum. I had medical leave for them from my psychiatrist, but for three years I was too scared to go and present it to the PE faculty. Like I've tried and physically couldn't do it, I just freeze and break down before entering the building. The staff there are known for being extremely unfriendly and I can't do confrontation.
I personally wouldn't mind that much, it's a degree I chose because I liked it and was decently good at it but it's not something that'd help me get a job in any way. I just dread breaking the news to my father. He has a habit of screaming and belittling people in inconceivably horrendous ways that have made even the most strong willed want to die (he is very intelligent and knows exactly what to say to achieve this) for trivialities like misplacing kitchen utensili, waiting for him to react to anything bigger than that is torture. Public uni is free in my country so it's not as if I wasted his money, he just hates how useless I am. I wish I were braver so I could blow my brains out. Life is nothing but anxiety upon anxiety, and none of the small 'good' things come anywhere close to outweighing this.
what kind of uni makes you take classes not related to your degree subject, let alone something so far removed as PE???
is there anyone you can talk to? maybe you can pick up another class for credits just doing next semester part time or something?
>>39487>what kind of uni makes you take classes not related to your degree subject
Almost every university in the US does this
I’ve never heard of physical education being a requirement though
I don't know about US universities but this is standard procedure here. The amount of hours you have to put in varies by field/uni but every "reputable" uni requires you to take a set amount of classes unrelated to your field + mandatory PE. I hate PE with a burning passion, I'm only comfortable exercising alone.
This is supposed to be my last semester so I'm not sure how that'd work but I could appeal to repeat the year, problem is it costs a lot of money which I don't have. There are 0 job openings on the market, not that I wouldn't get fired after 1 week for being a literal social cripple. My father also went into debt because his business died in the wake of corona. I really don't know what to do.
thats weird. here in the UK you only have to take classes related to your subject but have the option to do other if you want on top
can you do part time for 1 semester instead of repeating the whole year, to save money?
I’m starting to think that my choice in an art major is a mistake. I’ve been wanting to my whole life, but I don’t think I can handle the competitiveness.
I’m genuinely passionate about it but my dad keeps telling me that I’m not going to get anywhere. He said that I can’t handle it and I’m going to be starving even though I’ve been making huge leaps in my skill.
He’s right, I’m nothing special. I can’t communicate with people for shit so how am I gonna even be successful?
Then I see people online say that a million people also want to do the same as me. it’s extremely upsetting and overwhelming. killing myself sounds like a better option.
sorry for the lack of specialized advice, but i just wanted to say that nothing is set in concrete anon. that type of fatalistic thinking only lends itself to be self-destructive a lot of the time. if you really have been making leaps in skill as said, there's no reason to believe any level of achievement you desire is unattainable.
more importantly, do you think limiting interaction with your dad would maybe alleviate your outlook a little? good luck anon.
Fuck your dad. Someone has to be chosen, why can't it be you? A lot of communication these days is done online which is easier. Even if you only do art as a side hustle, that's better than regretting it.
I'm sorry about posting "tfw no bf" rant but I feel so hopeless right now. I'm a 21 year old kissless, hugless virgin. I just want to hold hands with someone. Please. Jesus christ. Just a little bit of physical intimacy would make me feel so much better. Fuck fuck fuck.
are you scared of interacting with others?
No, I interact with others every day lol. I'm just ugly.
so do you have a plan for that or nah
For what? Getting a bf? I already asked out some guys. I'm just too ugly to get a bf.
Moid entitlement tier response. No one needs to justify their ugliness to you.
What did she tell you to do? >>39483
It's okay, anon. >>39504
I think that poster's just trying to help you, anon.
Your mom is crazy. Everyone knows that birthday boy/girl privilege trumps guest privilege, especially for children.
Your guests are getting free cake and at that age aren't even paying for the presents "they're" giving you, so they can shut the hell up about one of them having a different chair.
Hah, try 25.
At this rate I'll be surprised if I find anyone before I'm 30.
I almost failed out of High School for the same reason, while simultaneously almost getting my Associate's at the same time. It was pretty funny.
Do you have to give them the note yourself?
Have a friend go with you to hand the note in and explain the situation.
well, it happened again. joined a community, couldn't mesh, left quietly. i have no clue why it hurts so bad every time–i'm thinking about all the moments where i went wrong, constantly–and just feeling…shitty. sigh.
also i'm sad about being a shit artist/writer/newb programmer/bad at all my hobbies/etc. lol
What happened that you "couldn't mesh"? Was this an online or in person community?
It's 3 semesters' worth of classes so it's not possible to complete them in 1 without spending even more money on registration 'coins' outside of the assigned semestrial limit sadly.>>39552>>39567
You have to hand it yourself, and going with a friend (if I had any to go with) I'd make an even bigger mockery of myself since the staff have a very "lol you're an ADULT, do everything properly yourself or gtfo of uni" attitude
Not to mention there is no longer any point in handing over the note now, since even if you have medical leave you have to earn PE credits through an online course during a set period of time that has obviously long since passed.
>>39590>You have to hand it yourself, and going with a friend (if I had any to go with) I'd make an even bigger mockery of myself since the staff have a very "lol you're an ADULT, do everything properly yourself or gtfo of uni" attitude
I don't think anyone jokes about doing things with friends, if anything normalfags do almost everything with their fucking friends. You are falling victim to your own made up anxieties. Is that what you want going forward?>Not to mention there is no longer any point in handing over the note now, since even if you have medical leave you have to earn PE credits through an online course during a set period of time that has obviously long since passed.
What the fuck, that's a completely different situation then the one you described. You made it sound like you just needed to hand over a "get out of PE free card", not that you were still expected to take classes. You have literally no one but yourself to blame if you were fully aware you needed to take 3 semesters worth and chose not to. Did you even talk to a counselor? How did they not start fire under your ass 3 semesters ago?
>>39592>made up anxieties
I've literally seen people in my group chewed out or flat out turned down for the things you mentioned, you wouldn't believe how bitter/angry/unsympathetic the people employed in uni education in my country can be.
This was not clear in my previous post, but if I had turned in the leave, I would've only had to solve a 30 minute quiz earlier in the year, not do 3 semesters of anything. When I mentioned 3 semesters I was assuming I wouldn't be able to turn it in and it'd end up being easier to somehow just do the classes the 'normal' way.
>literally no one but yourself to blame
Well yeah, I wasn't trying to imply otherwise.
>>39596>I've literally seen people in my group chewed out or flat out turned down for the things you mentioned, you wouldn't believe how bitter/angry/unsympathetic the people employed in uni education in my country can be.
And? That sounds unpleasant, it sounds confrontational. I don't see the connection between you failing to hand over a note you know you needed to hand over 3 semesters ago, or finding alternative means of doing so.>This was not clear in my previous post, but if I had turned in the leave, I would've only had to solve a 30 minute quiz earlier in the year, not do 3 semesters of anything.
Now I come back to the original point, if it's just a 30 minute quiz (I assume one-time?) why can you not do this now?
>Well yeah, I wasn't trying to imply otherwise.>>39486>I had medical leave for them from my psychiatrist, but for three years I was too scared to go and present it to the PE faculty.>The staff there are known for being extremely unfriendly and I can't do confrontation.
This sounds like you were blaming the staff for you not being able to deliver a note. If you not blaming the staff, what stopped you from doing what you know needed to be done?
online. i couldn't make friends out of game, i was too shy to initiate anything in
game (since this community is an mmo), and apparently too undesirable for anyone to bother approaching me…though the few times someone did, i'll admit i fucked it up anyway. as usual.
>>39597>why can you not do this now?
Registration/completion period for the quiz is long over.
>This sounds like you were blaming the staff for you not being able to deliver a note
Ok, now that I've re-read my own post I can see that I might have worded it poorly and given off that vibe. Basically the root of the problem and what I was attempting to convey at start is that I am a massive, shambling autist that can barely function in society and breaks down into tears the moment a straanger says something not nice to it, not the staff being unfriendly. Other people have surely perservered in the face of worse circumstances, but I just can't do it.
Do you take any anti-anxiety medications?
>>39604>Registration/completion period for the quiz is long over.
Okay, I guess.>Ok, now that I've re-read my own post I can see that I might have worded it poorly and given off that vibe. Basically the root of the problem and what I was attempting to convey at start is that I am a massive, shambling autist that can barely function in society and breaks down into tears the moment a straanger says something not nice to it, not the staff being unfriendly. Other people have surely perservered in the face of worse circumstances, but I just can't do it.
Can you handle your Father belittling you? Because that's what you chose instead.
Thanks for replying. I remembered later that there was a couch in the room too so she could have sat me and another kid there or moved two other kids.
I want to say she just handled that time badly but she also ruined another birthday about that age too. She let another girl be the centre of attention guessing what my gifts were while I sat at the end of the group opening them as they were finally passed down to me. She did eventually move me up next to her but it was too late, I just sat there miserably opening my last few gifts.
Also realised my dad never bothered to come to either of my parties, even though he got a month of holidays per year :(
Why can't people accept it when you say "no"?
No, I do not want to drink more alcohol than I can handle. No, I do not want to stay at your place until 1:00 on a work night. No, I do not want to mess up my diet I worked very hard on and eat junk food every second day.
Why do I have to have these discussions for hours every time I see one of my friends? It's becoming very draining.
They don't really seem like friends. Do they ever do anything nice for you?
Well, we hang out from time to time and it's not like I have a lot of friends either so I always do things with them.
I have this one friend and they keep getting really clingy even though they're just an online friend
I'd tell them to chill but I don't want to have to deal with a potential meltdown, plus they're just in a bad place
my friend is ignoring me :(
Please make real friends, anon. You don't have to settle for being an emotional punching bag to someone.>>39662
Please be there for them, anon. You don't have to tell us what they're going through. Just know that if it's bad enough they need all the love they can get.
I dont know :( she did message me back a couple of hours after posting that, but she always takes several days to reply to me
She's probably busy with something, or maybe she's just lazy. I tend to reply too fast to other people a lot, so they always end up seeming like they don't care, until they finally respond.
I got fired and I feel more guilty over the fact that I don't feel guilty about it.
It's been nice the last few days to truly relax. I've been reading books that I've been wanting to read. I have a rough draft of my resume planned on paper, I just need to type it.
Anxiety and dread, I was late too many times and my numbers in sales haven't approved in six months.
It's okay, anon. I'm sure there's a better place you could find work at.
its really stupid but i am extremely depressed because i will never be able to meet younger michael imperioli
he's old now but when hr was younger he was extremely cute ;-; if only i could time travel back to the 2000s and go to his bands concert, maybe id be able to hug him :3
This is why you should like anime boys instead, they never age and stay beautiful forever
God I'm so poor I wish I had money but no one will call me back
I think some places still pay for blood plasma donations.
i've been applying left and right for shitty retail jobs but i've only gotten radio silence. i have work experience for these jobs too, i cant tell if the hiring manager thinks i'm incompetent, or if its just a result of the pandemic. i feel like i'm destined to remain broke.
corona is probably the final nail in the coffin for irl retail. try applying for factory/warehouse jobs instead
I used to have trouble getting jobs. Now I have a good record and enough contacts that jobs call me. The other week a recruiter called me on friday and was like, "hey are you looking for work right now?" when i was (intentionally) chilling on coronavirus unemploymentbuxx and I was like, "yeah fam". I had a job by monday. Funny I'm the same exact person, but at one point in time I couldn't even get hired as a waitress. Now I wouldn't even work as a waitress if they begged me because I make a real middle class income now, less than 2 years later. HR are the scum of the earth. Every time I've treated HR dismissively and arrogantly like the trash they are, they've rushed to hire me. Back when I was all smiles and friendly no one wanted me. They say they like how "confident" I am, but it's actually thinly veiled contempt.
Not even 2 years ago I actually walked 5 miles in the snow to go to an interview as a waitress at a restaurant and they would barely give me the time of day despite telling me to come in, and then they ghosted me. Now I make better money than the asshat who refused to hire me. Give me 2 more years and I'll make more money than HIS boss and him put together.
Protip from a senpai: major in something that pays the bills and do art on the side. Being a 30 year old barista isn't fun. Sorry if that sounds dismissive but the world is tough and you need to be smart and practical. Art is a hobby and only the top 1% will make a living off it. Life is tough enough–don't make it harder on yourself than it already will be. Go for web dev or something similar and draw on your own time.
they're just pictures on a screen, don't be a loser
So are the male celebrities you gawk at, even on the extremely rare occasion you'll meet them in real like they'll never like you back anyway.
This is me so much. I couldn't even get interviews. The rare ones I did, the interviews weren't interested in me and I felt like I was only there to make up numbers. One had me in and out in 10 minutes (and one of the interviewers was someone who vaguely knew me as well which made it worse when they looked down their nose at me). Another gave up asking questions from the standard list and started poking into my personal life instead. Another still had someone interview me who didn't know what they were doing.
About 7 years after graduating, my partner was able to get me a job at his company (I'd been helping him with his work while being unemployed). It's my first professional job. I have no qualifications in the field or experience aside from helping him. Yet I get consistent good feedback, several of my ideas have been integrated, I got a 10% pay rise after six months, and was headhunted to set up the department in a new company (I turned it down but it could have been a further pay rise). It's an exciting field, work from home, and I get tons of time off. It really is a dream job and I'm now the best paid from my graduating class. I'm not saying this to brag but to contrast it with my former self that had only a few months of bad jobs on their whole resume spanning years. Absolutely nothing has changed about me from that person but here I am.
I agree 100% about HR sucking. They ask questions that aren't even relevant to the job and that only someone who is good at making things up on the spot could excel at. Someone from HR asked me at a STEM job interview "when was the last time you helped a someone while working in a group?". I mean, who remembers that? If someone needs help, I help them and it's not such a big deal that I remember it off the top of my head. I'm a pretty honest person somaking something up didn't come naturally to me and therefore not being able to instantly recall a time was seen as a negative. If they consider it important for the job, why didn't they just put me to work in a group doing something related to the job and then see how I reacted to someone asking for help? It was clear the HR person was asking these vague nothing questions because they didn't understand the job /rant
Or just not fall in love. Resist lizard brain.
>>39749>>39792>I'm the same exact person>Absolutely nothing has changed about me from that person but here I am
I clearly lack reading comprehension because I can't tell what both of you have done differently to go from jobless to being employed with good jobs.
Sorry, it maybe wasn't clear. The point I was trying to make was that I got lucky that I had a connection. I had trouble even getting out of bed and felt useless for a long time. In reality there was nothing wrong with me and I was perfectly capable of working a professional well paid job.
If you want to utilise connections for yourself, tell everyone you know and meet that you are looking for a job. Every time someone asks "how are you?", your answer is now "good thanks, just been looking for a new job", especially to strangers. Also it sucks and is illegal, but do unpaid work. Even if you don't get a job, you will get a recent reference and something to put in your work history. Add lots of people of LinkedIn, particularly people with "mentoring" on their profile and send them a short list of questions to ask how they got where they are and try to get them to connect you to a company.
how old are you
what job do you work
do you have a degree
where do you live
unless you have wealthy parents to fall back on, or have an honest passion for art/have a solid following at the moment/are actually [good] in some way i would really recommend just going for something practical. maybe do go for web dev/coding like that one anon suggested, and build your own games? web dev/coding seems like a creative pursuit, you can probs mix that with art in some way (and still get paid for sure even if u can't)
I feel this in my soul.
I was sending out resumes like crazy, made finding a job my job for a long time. No bites. Everyone told me I wasn't qualified enough or that I needed X, Y, Z. Companies made me pay for my own airfare and then laughed in my face during the interview. I barely landed a small job making utter peanuts where I had to fight the boss for every less-than-minimum wage paycheck.
One day, a top company gave me a chance at an interview. I aced it and am now making more money than any of my previous jobs combined. Got a raise. Am in the top performance percentile. Companies can't even approach me with offers unless it enters absurd amounts. Like you, I was the same person, same resume, as all the other companies that rejected me.
It is an unfair world. You need to get lucky. Sometimes being lucky isn't your first job, more just your first big chance. If you have drive, work ethic, and skill, you will still need to persistently try until you get lucky, even if it takes years. I can't even promise that you'll succeed if you try, but you have to try for the chance.>>39792>Someone from HR asked me at a STEM job interview
Also this gave me flashbacks to a recruiter lining me up with an interview that I was a "perfect fit" for. At the literal last minute over text she revealed that the programming language they were looking for was completely different from the one she had said it was- and then she ghosted both me and the company. Fuck her.
>>39817>At the literal last minute over text she revealed that the programming language they were looking for was completely different from the one she had said it was- and then she ghosted both me and the company.
If you have a knack for math, you could also consider an engineering pursuit with some creative/aesthetic elements, like naval architecture.
i struggle a lot with paranoia and i'm not sure how (or if) i can overcome it
what are you paranoid about anon?
Am I a dick because I feel uncomfortable my boyfriend wants a relationship with my parents when I don't? I want to cut them off to a degree. They were abusive and negligent to me growing up (long story) and he knows, but I feel like it doesn't matter to him. On the other hand, he does seem to care about a family member that sexually abused me and staying away from him. But arguably, my parents were worse because they tried to stop me from telling anyone, they forced me to continue living with the aber, they told me how the abuser was suicidal when I finally went to someone who could do something about my situation, and I got constantly called bitter, etcetera for simply not wanting to live with my abuser. I also got blamed by them for it because I was "charming" and "seductive" as a 9 year old. My parents restricted me from all regular forms of media for the most part, I wasn't allowed on the internet, I was mostly only allowed to read clean classics and biblical related content. I was homeschooled and the only other humans I was in contact with were some people from my church, but I wasn't allowed to have friends. There's numerous other details I could add.
The point is, he still wants a relationship with them, and it makes me suspicious. He says it's only fair since I have a relationship with his parents, but they didn't do nearly the things mine did, and it's really only a beef with his mom and sister of his, not to mention I never asked for such a relationship.
Then I get confused because maybe I am overstepping boundaries by not wanting him to have a relationship with my parents. It seems sour to me, though. I don't know what to do.
He thinks he knows better about your parents than you do. This would be a huge red flag for me. He's not respecting the boundaries you are putting up. You absolutely should not have your family in your life anymore. I would sit down and tell your bf that no contact with your family is non-negotiable. If he doesn't want that then chuck him. Your boundaries, values, mental health, and recovery are the most important thing.
The fact that he specifically wants to know your parents is weird to me. But then, I'm the kind of person who doesn't specifically want to know anyone, so maybe that sort of thing is generally a normal desire for couples.
Still, I feel like he should understand your reasons regarding not wanting to be around people who enabled your abuser.
Maybe he's just the sort of person who thinks family is all-important, and that you should be able to forgive your parents or something.
I don't think you're being unreasonable. It might just be that your belief systems are incompatible. I think you should talk with him about exactly why he thinks that you're wrong in your approach.
After what your parents did to you he should hate them and think as little of you as you do. He should not try to undo the progress you've made just so he can have in-laws.
I'm not trying to sound rude, merely ambivilent to the fact that I will, but he sounds like a complete idiot.
He seems like a reasonable boy. He probably just wants to not be a bad guy and give a middle finger to his fiancé's parents. It's just chance that he wound up with abusive in-laws. He'll learn soon enough. Don't listen to the BPD replies. He's just a bad judge of character. Something tells me you wound with him because of his trusting nature.
>>39827>Am I a dick because I feel uncomfortable my boyfriend wants a relationship with my parents when I don't?
I don't think anyone's a dick for feeling certain things, it's the actions you take in reaction to or in spite of said emotions that determines if you're a dick. The fact you're considering you're one tells me you're at least slightly feeling pings of guilt/sadness/whatever for your current actions and choices, and maybe you should look at why you're referring to yourself as that.
>I want to cut them off to a degree. They were abusive and negligent to me growing up (long story) and he knows, but I feel like it doesn't matter to him. On the other hand, he does seem to care about a family member that sexually abused me and staying away from him. But arguably, my parents were worse because they tried to stop me from telling anyone, they forced me to continue living with the aber, they told me how the abuser was suicidal when I finally went to someone who could do something about my situation, and I got constantly called bitter, etcetera for simply not wanting to live with my abuser. I also got blamed by them for it because I was "charming" and "seductive" as a 9 year old.
These seem like out of average actions.>My parents restricted me from all regular forms of media for the most part, I wasn't allowed on the internet, I was mostly only allowed to read clean classics and biblical related content. I was homeschooled and the only other humans I was in contact with were some people from my church, but I wasn't allowed to have friends. There's numerous other details I could add.
These sound like the typical complaints of living in an average US Christian household no offense. Typical parenting complaints that mostly come from a place of incompetence more than malice. I'm not saying they didn't or shouldn't have effected you, just be aware this is actually a very common complaint.
I can't know all the details of your childhood, and it wouldn't matter if I did. You are an adult, you should decide how close or how far you want the relationship with your parents you want it to be, that's the most important part of independence. The center of power is now on you on how well you do or do not treat your parents. You can justify your decisions in any number of ways, but it's always going to be your responsibility. I would argue your parents aren't worse then actual abuser, because they have a vested interest in just keeping the peace and I doubt you've ever had an in depth discussion with them about why they made the decisions they did. Does that mean you shouldn't have felt the way you did? No. Does that mean they couldn't have made better choices? No. It means exactly what it means, they have some reason for the decisions they made, and if you never talk to them about it you will always be operating off of partial information. I can only give you my perspective on how I interact with my parents, and maybe you can take it into consideration.
I personally had an abusive (not sexual) father and a mother who didn't really know how to handle it, who were both in way over their heads. I don't think either were malicious, just highly incompetent and no good way to regulate their emotions. When I became 19, I left home and cut off all contact with them, moving two states away without telling either of them or my 6 siblings where I was going. It was very effective in forcing both of them to 1. cool their heads, and 2. realize I could with impunity cut them out of my life. It is quite the empowering feeling to be able to have that much emotional sway over someone. In the end, I did eventually move back due to various reasons, after that point though, my parents interacted with me in a completely different way. I always remind them if they get too pushy that I, at any time, reserve the ability to cut them out of my life, even to my own detriment. Years later, I live seperate from them with my husband, they are now divorced, and I can only put up with them in very small doses. I do recognize though, for all their faults, they did clothe me, they did shelter me, they did feed me, and did their best to take care of me. For this, I offer them a token of mercy, and hold a very arms distant but steady communication with them. Whenever I talk, or go to a gathering with them, I always restate I have the ability to leave at any time I wish, and actively use it.
If you wanted the really short version, I would say there's no reason to completely cut them out of your life, and no reason to keep them there. Realize that you can have a healthy relationship with your parents as long as you are strict with the fact you can stop interacting with them, at any point in time.
>The point is, he still wants a relationship with them, and it makes me suspicious. He says it's only fair since I have a relationship with his parents, but they didn't do nearly the things mine did, and it's really only a beef with his mom and sister of his, not to mention I never asked for such a relationship.
I don't have the full story, all I can say is that for most people, meeting each other's family is a very important milestone in the development of the relationship. It's your choice to not do so, it's he's choice to ask to do so. Are there no conditions you can bare even the smallest bit of interactions with your parents?
The reason I feel like a dick is because it seems to me I am restricting the actions of another person when it is not my place to do so. Both my boyfriend and my parents want to know each other better, whereas I do not want that to happen. It is pressure mounting on me from both sides. I feel as if "who am I to deny them a relationship?" though I know that if he were to cultivate a relationship with them, it would prove difficult for me to trust him. He used to say that if he wanted to marry me, he'd ask my dad first, and I said I found that insulting and that would not ever be okay with me. Just the behind the back component of that is enough to arouse suspicion in me.
When I've introduced partners regularly to my parents in the past, my parents talk to my partners about me in ways I dislike. I'm not keen on that happening again. I've communicated with one parents I do not want that happening again, but I know it's unlikely they will keep that promise as they've lied to me before.
>These sound like the typical complaints of living in an average US Christian household no offense. Typical parenting complaints that mostly come from a place of incompetence more than malice. I'm not saying they didn't or shouldn't have effected you, just be aware this is actually a very common complaint.
Oh yeah, I've accepted long ago it wasn't malicious in intent. But it still affected me quite negatively. I mean, I know it's common for kids to complain about strict parents, but I've never met anyone with strict parents to the degree mine were, irl or online: >not allowed to watch most children's movies>not allowed to own any electronic devices (no cellphones, ipods, handheld gaming, laptops, etcetera) >not allowed to have friends (this was in part because they were scared their rules might be violated)>not allowed to wear tank tops>called a "prostitute" for wearing makeup by my father>not allowed to pluck eyebrows>not allowed to dye hair >not allowed to drive>only allowed to read list of approved books by parents; most children's books did not make the list>not allowed to listen to "secular" (non christian) music>rooms regularly searched by mother for anything written or drawn because it "revealed what was in our minds" and they wanted to know that>not allowed on the internet>no media in general allowed, unless approved by parents>money or gifts given to us were not ours >no video games>no radios>parents installed software connected to the internet which sent them emails of all internet activity in case we tried to sneak on (this was not a bluff)
Maybe it seems strict because I grew up in Southern CA, and maybe it's normal in the midwest or south. Every other kid at my church made fun of me and my siblings because of how little we allowed to partake in the outside world.
>The center of power is now on you on how well you do or do not treat your parents
Unfortunately, right now it's financial I'd say. I have maintained a not-too-close, but amicable relationship with my parents because I've always considered it the proper way to act.
>I would argue your parents aren't worse then actual abuser, because they have a vested interest in just keeping the peace and I doubt you've ever had an in depth discussion with them about why they made the decisions they did
I don't appreciate the way you worded the last part, but I have multiple times and it basically comes down to no one wanting to take responsibility and just the type of thing where it's like ~we were doing our best~ and sure, I get it, but that's not enough for me to be okay with how they treated me.
I consider them worse than my abuser because they excused his behavior to his face. They told me that my account was not as trustworthy as the abuser's account because I was "younger and therefore probably didn't remember things correctly" though I was at an age where I absolutely did remember what happened. They told my abuser and me that since he was technically a child, it wasn't abuse, just consensual sex play when in fact there was definite manipulation and coercion on his part (not to mention an age difference). Before I told a mandatory reporter, I told my dad that what happened still bothered me and he told me "You just need to get over it" and I was only 13 at the time. After telling a mandatory reporter, I was blamed by my dad for "splitting up the family" and my abuser was regularly asspatted for putting up with everything going on. I was also accused of lying when I wasn't. My parents also told family relatives it was not abuse but "consensual" sex play I got upset over. I was told I was a sinner for not reporting this to my parents as the abuse happened though my parents made sex a taboo topic and I was young enough to where I did not understand much about it to even tell, not to mention my abuser told me not to tell anyone. Much of this I learned from other family members. There are other details I forget at the moment. My dad has also left bruises before on me. As for the abuser, he very much sees himself as not doing anything wrong, which I believe my parents greatly contributed to.
Regardless of that, the point is they missed the mark by a lot to the point where though I can say they tried their best, I can also say it was not good enough by a long shot. I am not interested in being near them for a time. As I said, "cut them off to a degree" - not forever, but certainly for a time to where I can heal more completely from them (though I'm always working on that) and then reintroduce myself to them.
>I don't have the full story, all I can say is that for most people, meeting each other's family is a very important milestone in the development of the relationship. It's your choice to not do so, it's he's choice to ask to do so. Are there no conditions you can bare even the smallest bit of interactions with your parents?
Oh, he's met my whole intermediate family once, my mom and an extended family member another time, and my dad a separate time. He is very interested in my family because of those interactions and I wish he'd get over the novelty of them. They can act nice and are fine to be around in small doses, but it feels a little bothersome he acts like the experience of being with them is so nice for him it is more important than how they've treated me. Like I stated at the beginning of this whole post, it makes me feel like I'm selfish to be that way, though. Who am I to tell him no? It would make me feel miserable if I had to endure him talking, talking, talking with my family members when I just want to leave, however. I act amicable with my family in these instances (well, I like to think I do, anyway).
>>39853>he used to say that if he wanted to marry me, he'd ask my dad first
If you were anybody else this would be a non-issue. Your situation is a special one, and in this case he genuinely seems like the right man in the wrong place. Is he a Christian like your parents, or simply well-meaning? Did you meet him through whatever they're involved with? >my parents talk to my partners about me in ways I dislike
What will they say to them? Is it anything to do with your abuser?
Yeah no, fuck this. People in general seem to think family is meant to be some sort of unbreakable bond, but if your family has a bad impact on your life there's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting them out. And that includes leaving them out of your romantic relationship.
My bf also has a bad relationship with his family. At first I used to encourage him to get along with them, but I stopped after learning why he disliked them so much. I'm still nice and polite around them, but that's it. Why would your bf want to be around people who make you miserable? Why would he want to have a relationship with them?
I personally cannot wait for my bf to move out so he doesn't have to deal with things that make him feel bad.
Your bf needs to have a little bit of empathy. I don't understand why he wants to get along with people who hurt you. Does he not know about all this stuff? ffs next he'll say he want to get along with your abuser.
I'm sorry that you had to go through all this anon. That is a truly terrible story. I don't understand why you haven't caught them off completely?! You can legally divorce your parents. I read about situations similar to yours and it really does baffle me that people can think so little of their children. Show no mercy to your parents, and it may take years but you can gain the strength to move past them.
If I was your boyfriend I would understand not wanting to talk to your parents and make you feel welcome into his family. But I would encourage therapy, and tell you that who cares if it's family is supposed to be blood-related or not.>why can you see his family and he can't he see yours?
Highly suspicious. Why would you go through a horrible ordeal for it to be easily doubted. I don't see why anyone in a relationship would continue to think that I er time.
Maybe in due time he will realize what sort of people they are. I'd say talk to him about. If he still wants to meet them then that'll be on him because you gave him a warning. If things get out of control after him meeting them. Try to initiate less contact from your part. Just gotta live with these nasty types of people until they die or someone moves away.
I have to deal with my bf's mom at irregular less times thank god. Narcissistic manipulative bitch she is. I don't want to talk to her or anything yet the times I need do I'm just flat out monotone to her. I don't want to smile or be friendly because that's not what she deserves from me. My bf despite what happened, doesn't understand how much it has affected me and want's to over look it. He forgets and moves on type of person. I'm honestly waiting for her to die.
i have some repressed csa stuff that i havent told anyone before that i feel too ashamed to speak about. i was acting pretty psycho earlier (mumbling to self, pacing around and repeating shit) and my parents saw so now i just feel like shit. or i guess i now feel paranoid about any and all relationships and it ends up ruining them.
Are you seeing a professional about this kind of stuff.
no, i can’t do video/voice calls and theyre not offering in person appointments at the moment. i’m also nervous because my insurance is complete shit (ive tried therapy for depression in the past and the therapist was shit, they only have like 3 therapists that i can see, and theres always long waiting lists)
do they have a rule that you need to talk? my house is small and i cant talk either because people would hear, so my therapist talks on video while i have headphones and i just type.
i actually never considered that, thanks anon. my main issue with voice/video was other people hearing, i was messaging my general doctor for a bit asking about alternatives to digital appointments but i'll bring this up.
Is it healthy to be fueled in life entirely by hate and regret from bad memories? Instead of talking things through with anyone i accept the fact that noone understands and strive to be better than everyone at life in order to show them. I guess i have the mindset of a guy.
I got broken up with 2 months ago and I’m so fucking sad and lonely. I am so touch-starved. I just want to cuddle and hold a guy’s hand. But I know it might be a bad idea to do that because of the pandemic. I’m so alone and just want to feel another person’s warmth. I keep having bad dreams and I just want to nestle into a guy’s chest while he tells me I’ll be okay.
that sucks anon, maybe try building a relationship online with someone local and then meeting them when your relationship is deeper and quarantine has died down.
I’m jealous you have never had to go through the pain of heartbreak, but at the same time, love is such a great feeling.>>40011
It feels wrong even feeling attraction to another guy, because my ex still feels like home to me. I have never felt something as painful as this. I miss hearing him tell me he loves me so much.
can't they make your appointment a bit sooner for something as serious as this?
I hate it that seeing attempted rape or rape in media makes me act strange and on edge. I have been raped numerous times and in many different ways and I'm embarrassed to tell my boyfriend why I get suddenly non-affectionate after we watch certain shows together. I feel like I should be over reacting this way and that I'm pathetic for being so affected by a reenactment. I am afraid he will want to not continue watching or whatever else, I just wish he understood I can't stand being touched or near another person when I see what is supposed to be "rape".
It's also embarrassing that I get this way over certain themes. Like it's been so hard for me to learn to trust in this relationship because of my past relationships, and then if I watch something where people are lying or hiding secrets from each other, it makes me paranoid again of my boyfriend. I wish I could enjoy normal media without it slapping me in the face and yelling at me that I'm stupid for trusting even though I've seen time and time again my boyfriend can be trusted.
Any help is appreciated though this is a vent thread.
I don't have much help to offer on the bf situation since i still don't trust people, but just wanted to say that it's not really overreacting anon. It's quite common to be triggered by media after what you went through, some people can't function after sensing a specific, normal smell that reminds them of the trauma for example. Give yourself some empathy because you're doing good, you're not being pathetic at all.
I promise you anon, time really does heal all wounds
It's normal to feel like this after a couple months, soon itll all go away
>have 3 years experience
>been stuck in entry level hell where i run on a hampster wheel for 8 hours grinding the most boring shit imaginable for wages a barista wouldn't tolerate
i'm so fed up with it. i'm so fucking fed up. is this my life? i could tolerate shit-work or low pay, but not both. i don't even get paid enough to afford healthcare for god's sake.
i have an hour left in the workday and i feel like i'm going to throw my work laptop out of a window. i'm seriously about to cry. i worked my ass off from poverty to graduate university and live on my own. i have never had a vacation. and the minute i plan something, GLOBAL PANDEMIC and all my plans are canceled indefinitely. i'm frustrated and sad and exasperated and miserable I HATE IT
I HATE IT
sit him down and tell him to his face what they did to you.
same, i'm /r/raisedbynarcissists to the letter. i cut my parents out of my life for what they did. if i got married i wouldn't even inform them. if guys i date ask about my parents, i just say, "they aren't good people and i don't talk to them," and they drop it there. get away from your abusers. if your bf tries to drag you back into that, fuck him.>>39792>>39817
iktf. you're the same person. one day they treat you like trash on the street. the next they're kissing your feet. you didn't do anything different, just got lucky. fuckstain employers/HR all want to fellate the guy with experience instead of training someone without any, even if they're equally potentially-qualified and intelligent. same way how no one reads 99% of books but when a book makes it big, suddenly everyone and their mother clambors to read it regardless of its quality. the viral effect. 1% get everything and 99% get fucked. well the people who get a lucky break get everything, huge salaries and offers out the ass, and everyone else gets completely ignored and no one gives them a foot in the door anywhere. it's just sick and lazy and ethically abominable. our work culture is sick.
It's not healthy but it is effective.
At least 4x a day I remember something and just say aloud, "I hate them, I hate them." God, I hate them so much. I'm aiming for a 6 figure salary not because i care about money but out of pure spite for the people who fucked me over and tried to stomp me down. I MUST make more money than them as a last fuck you. those fuckers.
im gonna be 24 in a couple weeks and im realizing i hate my life and i cant do a thing about it, partially because of the pandemic. ive wanted to move out of my hometown for years but im a coward, and college has been an on and off mess. the guy im seeing right now isnt very supportive either.. just a lot of "that sucks" and then he goes and plays video games with his friends. id kill for just a hard reset on my life, move away and forget everyone here. but i cant really, especially not now. i feel stuck and useless. i cant believe it took a pandemic for me to figure this all out.
Honestly that's not a horrible thing. Sometimes you gotta live your best life and rub it in a past asshole's face. I feel pretty good, being in this position right now (making twice as much as past teachers who said I'd amount to nothing- especially grateful for this in current world climate). Don't let it consume you though.>>40172
Sorry to hear that anon. For me I've been sad because I had been working so hard and saving to travel. Worked summers, never took time off. Never traveled, never could afford to, until now. And then, the pandemic hit.
If it helps, you and me and everyone else is in stasis right now. High schoolers have to hold off their college life, college grads in stasis about their first job, old-timers in stasis about their tanked 401Ks. Elementary students will miss 1 - 2 years of education. Everything is on hold, so you're not stuck alone, we're in this together one way or another. If you're reflecting and having thoughts, that's a good a use of time as any right now. Your bf sounds lame and beneath your level.
Hey I don't know your symptoms but I was deadass sure I had VM, crying and scared shitless about it for months, and when I got it checked, turns out it was harmless hyperpigmentation which can happen:
>At any point in a woman's life as they age past initial puberty
>Due to any medication, particularly BC, hormonal etc
>Due to injury, even like, a scratch
>Naturally for no reason
>Suddenly and dramatically in size, shape, irregular borders, and is still usually benign
Go figure there's tons of research and articles on male genital hyperpigmentation but literally near-zero information available to women, and even less for women of color.
Sorry that you were treated so poorly, you deserve professionalism for medical concerns.
Covid is getting to me girls. I started off completely fine and was so glad but now I find myself depressed more and more. I've started going to stores and safe events but nothing is the same and although I don't care at the moment I think it is eating away at my soul. Quietly and slowly so I do not notice until later. I'm pretty busy during the day thankfully but as soon as I come home I'm just certain I'll die early and alone and need weed to not act like a huge bitch to my family.
>>40154>1% get everything and 99% get fucked. well the people who get a lucky break get everything, huge salaries and offers out the ass, and everyone else gets completely ignored and no one gives them a foot in the door anywhere. it's just sick and lazy and ethically abominable. our work culture is sick.
I remember reading a study where they looked at rich people. They all said they had worked very hard and were deserving of everything they had. In fact they all had just got lucky, either through connections, inheritance, or some other type of luck.
Sometimes it's just knowing how things work. If you didn't have a parent or teacher who took the time to explain basic skills to get ahead at uni or in the workforce then you're not going to get far, especially compared to someone who was coached since they were young.
Michael Parenti explains the class struggle really well, I've been binging his lectures when I can because he's funny, interesting, and incredibly well educated on the topic of class. Other writers and speakers never did it for me.
I agree though, I've been more focused on this lately, the 1% get everything because they have the money to advertise to the 99% and tell the 99% to buy what the 1% is selling. There will never be bad press about the 1% because the 1% fund the press and determine what they can and can't publish. The only thing I think we can do is educate people as much as possible, while avoiding emotionally triggering buzzwords like "left" or "right".
Blessed post, 100% agreed. Bald-beard makes me want to vomit and fatty beard-glasses is the epitome of the soyboy look.
Why do moids lie to each other about what actually looks good? Why are they trying to copy their ugly retired grandparents who stopped giving a shit years ago? Why are they surprised that women thirst over twinky gays and smooth men now more than ever?
The belt is not enough, they need la chancla.
I wish I was in stasis, instead we're being treated like guinea pigs for new teaching methods that our college intents to keep permanently in order to "cut costs", even though it puts a greater burden on students and teachers. Everyone is on edge and even though we're a week away there's still nothing set in stone yet.
Academia was a momentary escape from home for me, now I have to fear anytime during a Zoom call that my parents might start having a loud argument or my dad starts blaring gunshots and racist shit on the TV downstairs.
Home is rarely quiet or peaceful for me and I'm scared that my grades are gonna tank this semester because I'll be all stress with no knowledge sticking.
Stasis would be freedom from the hell I'm about to enter.
i read the same study and it's infuriating. because they'll look down at you and say hurtful things like you're just lazy, or you're stupid. i hate it so much. rich fucks all just got a lucky break. i know a guy who graduated with a psych degree and was a party-addict who drank himself through uni. he's a lazy slob, never studies, neither professionally nor personally, just watches tv and plays vidya in his free time. he makes 150k and has stock options worth god knows how much more. why? his friend got him a job somewhere nice. but me, of course i can never have anything. i'm struggling and can barely afford to survive despite being far more intelligent and hard working than him. that's the world, and it's shit. thinking about it too much makes me hate everyone. but the worst is how SNOBBY and arrogant they act. it's insult to injury. sure, have your money,go enjoy things i will never be able to have, fine, whatever. but don't have the gall to INSULT me at the same time because it makes me want to kill them.
Moids my age are already starting to grow ugly beards and mustaches
Wait until their hair lines start receding.
I really wanna take a year off after I finish HS (yes I am 18) but I don't know how to convey that to my parents. I guess they would udnerstand if it were for a real reason like I wanna go and live life with friends and party and stuff but actually I am a friendless loser and I just wanna move out and fix my mental health (which they also had a hand in ruining) so that I can be a complete being when i enroll into uni and actually find friends there. They keep pressuring me into finding a good uni asap and I am so scared of telling them, I do not know how they will take it. I have been trying to get a job so I would have money when I move out and I found one that pays really well but I would have to work nights during weekdays (twice or thrice a week) and they are really frustrated with me for taking it so I do not wanna strain our relationship even more. Sorry for the long blogpost, I am just super frustrated and really needs some advice.
Tell them you want to get some real world experience so you can fully appreciate your time at uni, know that you are studying something you are passionate about, and maybe strengthen your application. More people should take a work gap year in my opinion. Maybe they would feel better if you applied and then deferred your application so you are already accepted.
You can also say that you don’t want to take classes online and want to wait until the pandemic is over. If you end up regretting taking a year out, there is always the Open University online that takes literally everyone who applies and has intake twice a year. You can study with them while working and then transfer to an in person uni the next academic year.
Well I am just starting my senior year in a week or so and I strongly doubt that 12+ months from now we will still have online classes.>>40342
Well that's exactly the thing though, they would 100% understand me taking a year off to go fool around with friends but they know I would do nothing like that.
No one here will get mad at you for "blog posting" within reason since part of the appeal of the site is finding mutual consolation with posters from similar backgrounds. I'd say push as hard for a gap year as you can, unless your parents are batshit enough to disown you for wanting to take a gap year you can get your way at least this once and since it seems like the best thing for you to do for yourself you should go for it. I ended up eating shit in uni and dropping out since I went straight in with a bunch of mental health issues and that's a lot worse of a problem than starting uni a year late
"she took advantage of me just to pass her classes and kicked me out of the team" SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FUCKING LIAR AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I accidentally slapped my boyfriend hard when I was drunk. It was meant to be a playful slap that barely grazed the face, but it came out hard instead. He was clearly viscerally affected by it and I've apologized for it and I've made it so I rarely, if ever, even playfully slap him anymore. He says he forgives me, fine.
I feel terrible about it. I truly did not intend to hurt him, but I did.
That's not even the kicker. The kicker is that when I masturbate, the idea of slapping his face now turns me on immensely. I don't watch porn and I try not to think about slapping him when I'm masturbating. But it's so hot to me. I love the vulnerability he showed me in the moments after me slapping him. His face look so shocked, so hurt, and though that saddens me, especially because I was the one who inflicted the pain on him, it's hot to me that he couldn't help himself from being vulnerable to me in that moment.
I feel sick inside and I wish I didn't find it hot. I wonder if this is how the cycle of abuse gets perpetuated because I was severely abused as a child and by my last partner who liked to make me cry because he found it arousing. I hate myself. I want to tell my boyfriend so he knows what a monster I am, but I also secretly hope he'd be accepting and let us re-enact that, but in a safe way. Even wishing for that makes me feel sick. I feel like a dirty moid and it just want to be good for my partner.
Break up with him. He deserves better.
Currently, I haven't said anything about it to him. I think it is one of those sexual thoughts a person has that you never want to actually indulge in. I would never want to harm him. I think I'd hate myself if I actually did this even with consent from the other person.
This isn't about your fetish. You got drunk and beat someone. You're not worth his time.
she just said it was a playful slap
She said she meant for it to be a playful slap.
That's not the same thing.
Not the anon you replyed to but: what's wrong with that? Most of them can't help it. Yes, I like William Hurt.
she's not a worse person for being unable to make accurate arm motions. also she said she's not even going to play slap in the future.
I've kicked my boyfriend out of bed and elbowed him plenty of times whilst sleeping am I a bad person?
Get a Russian slap-fight sub BF.
>>38746>>made thread on 4/adv/ pointing this out, "this is why you don't have a gf. shave your face">>deleted in under a minute by asspained neckbeard janitor
or maybe it's because you broke the board's rules you retard. it's for asking for advice, not demanding strangers adhere to your specific preference on an anonymous imageboard. Are you narcissistic? Also, while facial hair can easily look bad, on many men the hair is thick and well-kempt. You just don't facial hair, no need to be a child about it.
This technology-hating technophile linguist jumps out of a bush rearing his pubechin at you.
What do you do?
>>40391>I swear baby, I didn't mean to hit you>It's just because I was drunk, I'll never do it again
Abusers are all the same.
slap his butt instead. butts are designed to be slapped, the harder the better.
The exact same story with the genders swapped wouldn't be a playful slap.
That's true but men are also much stronger than women and much more likely to abuse. I'm not defending the anon, and I think what she did was wrong and she needs therapy, but changing the gender is not the exact same situation.
A woman who gets hit by a male partner, especially a drunk one, could be easily killed if he wanted it. Being murdered by their partner is one of the top killers of women. In contrast, a drunk woman is very easily restrained by a sober man. (Obviously this might be different if they are not average size, strength, have weapons, etc).
Both are still domestic abuse, but one situation is a lot more dangerous than the other.
i've relapsed on my eating disorder again. im disappointed i did it but ive also gained so much weight during quarantine from bingeing its scary.
Don't be disappointed in yourself anon. These are difficult times that you weren't prepared for. You're still going and have self awareness. That's a huge accomplishment. If the weight went on then it can come off again in time. No one is going to be socialing much anytime soon so don't worry about it. Just focus on taking care of yourself.
This. My dad, an old guy who did not work out regularly, almost killed my very strong mom with one single punch. Her own punches did nothing. I don't think people realize just how much stronger men are.
True but there are also cases where more sensitive men can get stuck in abusive relationships where nobody sees anything wrong in the woman hitting them occasionally or more commonly from what I've seen throwing things at them because it's only occasional rather than a full on assault. Less likely to be a situation of being drunkenly beaten bloody but more commonly one element of an overall abusive and manipulative situation. Generally for the man in such a situation there's no support mechanism or fighting back for obvious social reasons and any attempt to take the only option of leaving results in emotional blackmail they're not capable of seeing through because of being male. Even when they finally extract themselves from the situation there's usually a lot of negative social fallout as pressure on them from the abuser.
Or think of it like two cases. First you have the classical case of the drunken man beating a woman repeatedly which can happen the other way around perhaps with a knife or whatever but that's much rarer and is generally far less of a threat when reversed. Then you have the manipulative and calculated use of one-off violence that pretends to be and looks to the victim like a random emotional outburst that the victim will then make up excuses for and fits into a wider pattern of controlling behaviour. The latter type is what you'll see with a female abuser and is obviously a pattern with male abusers as well but nobody would question it that way around and is more like only one tool in an abusive toolkit rather than the abuse itself like with the classical wife beating examples.
If either of these two types of violence was a man hitting a woman it's immediately apparent to anyone on the outside what's happening but not so much the other way around. I've seen from the outside what it looks like when a woman is the abuser so I'm pretty touchy about claims it doesn't matter just because she could realistically only hit him occasionally rather than hospitalise him. The constant threat of any amount of violence as consequence for 'wrong' behaviour is a terrible thing for anyone to live with and it tends to be very difficult for a man in that situation to either defend themselves from it physically or to explain it to anyone with them laughing in their face at best or siding with the abuser at worst, police included.
So yeh it probably won't result in their getting murdered ignoring perhaps mental issues and moral responsibility for a potential suicide but it's usually just the most visible symptom of a more subtly fucked up situation. For what it's worth in my direct experience abusive relationships come in lesbian and gay flavours too and those are also generally excused because the symptoms are far less likely to match up to classical drunken beatings like everyone expects and people are worried about appearing homophobic along with the victim in those relationships not wanting to feed negative images of homosexuality.
Also I'm not denying it's significantly more common that the man would be the abuser because it is but female abusers are more than the statistical anomaly you'd expect in many western nations just at a lower level of (visible) severity. The reason for it being a more western issue isn't anything /pol/ about a degenerating society it's the ironic outcome of a better society with the necessary sensitivity around male domestic abuse because obviously in Saudi Arabia even the most submissive man simply has the option of resorting to unrestrained violence in his defence and as is obvious he will win that fight hands down.
tl;dr abusive relationships are bad and come in a lot more varieties than just someone beating you to death and any amount of violence is a sign of abuse though you can have abuse without violence at all as well
I highly suspect, if not know, my boyfriend is having an affair. I also suspect he had previous ones as well. Mostly an emotional one with his current one, but the prior ones I've been told were physical as a way to get back at me for me wanting time alone during a convention. I haven't had sex with him in around 7 months after doubting all of it. I'm going to end it tomorrow. I've emotionally checked out months ago when quarantine started and I realized how thankful I am that I don't feel obligated to hang out with him. And how much of a burden it is just to type or call him and how insistent he is for that. How his lack of companionship and affair partners has turned him into a depressive mess so he needs constant affirmations and even the APs are getting tired of it. I think he lied about some of his mental disorder(s), his sexual history, and mostly to himself. He expressed suicidal feelings about 2 weeks ago, and honestly, I think he probably won't. His prior attempt? An attempt at starving himself to death while obese. He didn't even get out of the obese territory.
I want someone who's honest, loyal, and doesn't belittle me to suit their own ego. He's not worth the grief. Nobody's worth grief, I just want a loving relationship. I'm for sure going to find one.
I'm breaking up tomorrow, I stayed because I really doubted some of it. Then somebody sent me some proof earlier this month that gave me a lot to give to my worst suspicions. Why did I stay? No good reason, kind of dumb and gave the benefit of the doubt in spite of the gift of fear.
I didn't expect my post to gain so much traction.>>40383
To an onlooker, it would have looked like a playful slap that resulted in more pain than intended. There was no bruising or red marks. I immediately apologized and explained I would not try to play slap him again. It was a big deal for us and we talked about it the next day. I still check in on it as he likes being dominated (he has mentioned that since we first started having sex) and I don't want to trigger him. I have looked for gifs of what my previous "play" slaps look like and they all look too hard for how I would do it. They'd barely graze the skin. In this situation, I misjudged where my hand was going and his head was moving at the same time so it went onto his cheek.
I have never shown any violent tendencies towards other people in my life, I've never hit or scratched anyone.
Maybe I am missing something but when I hear the term "beat", I think of a full on attack like one of my friends suffered. Her boyfriend was drunk and literally punched her face in and it was bruised for weeks. Maybe this has colored my view on the matter, but I really wasn't upset or anything, he kept in trying to grab my drink from me (we often share drinks) and I wasn't done yet and I kept on pulling it away, so then I tried to give one of my playful slaps (think of those "omgg josh, stop throwing my phone" stupid girl lite slaps that barely even graze the face) and it didn't end that way.
I think it's terrible what happened and I don't want it to happen again.
I should have been more careful. I don't know what else to say. It wasn't repeated and I'm very sad I gave my boyfriend this experience to remember, and it came from me. >>40411
Okay. I can't change your mind. >>40423
Yes, I'm aware of that double standard. My bf and I have talked about that. We've talked about this incident extensively and he tells me not to worry about it anymore and that he knows it was accidental. I still do, of course, hence my post in this thread.
Oh yes, I think if anything he wishes we were more GFD but the truth is, I have issues with trying to be dominant because I'm afraid of the fact men could overpower me at a moment's notice.
I suspect in the far future it might be possible, but I value him too much to want to bring it up now. My priority is that he feel safe with me and I know that needs time to be established again.
You would not dismiss it simply as an accident were the genders reversed and the situation identical and in fact even the threat of a man raising his hand to a woman is sufficient for most people to label it as abuse and rightly so. The fact that the potential for further violence after the 'accident' is different doesn't make the initial violent act any more excusable. As I said I've seen where this logic can end up because the fact one party can be restrained more easily presupposes they intend to continue into a full assault instead of simply use violence once in a specific targeted manner.
>>40438>Maybe I am missing something but when I hear the term "beat", I think of a full on attack like one of my friends suffered. Her boyfriend was drunk and literally punched her face in and it was bruised for weeks.
My point was that this happens and is often the primary type of abuse in and of itself but that even comparatively minor violence can be part of a pattern of abuse too. You can think of it like on the one hand abuse that is primarily physical aka your conception of the term beat and abuse which is primarily manipulative of which physical abuse is merely one aspect. Obviously it's not so clear cut because even primarily physical abuse will usually have other more subtle elements too.
I also wasn't necessarily accusing you of that type of abuse but more responding to the other anon by explaining what I've seen directly and that direct experience was mostly because I was the only person who didn't laugh at the man when he tried to explain it and I'll admit I initially didn't think it was a big deal either. 'You could just have stopped her hitting you again/hit her back harder so stop complaining' really is not a response when someone explains a pattern of violence to you even if it's technically true and again violence there was really just the most extreme symptom.
By the way if you've never been slapped particularly hard in the face there's a real difference between a play slap and when even a little bit of strength is used far out of proportion to what you'd expect. It's a shockingly different and very specific type of not just pain but disorientation out of proportion to any lasting damage it might do which probably accounts for his reaction as much as emotional shock does. In some ways it can be more immediately disorientating than being punched with the same level of force. If I had to take a guess that's probably because it hits a larger surface area or because it can affect the eyes or something. If you're not sure you can judge the strength to use you should really avoid slapping someone's face or account for the fact you might overdo it even in a sexual situation where there's consent and never when alcohol or drugs might mess with your judgement. Ditto when spanking someone particularly if using a harder implement as aiming slightly too high can do some fairly serious damage to their spine and lower back. Read up on these things if you intend to do anything sexual like that.
This happened ages ago but I just remembered it recently. Spoiler as it involves an animal death.
Two friends talking together.
I walk up and say hello.
One randomly mentioned how bad a driver her dad is.
Says one time he "clipped" a black cat near my home.
Other friend turns to me with a weird smug look on her face.
[Name] didn't you have a black cat?
Realise it was my first pet, a kitten that had been killed.
Her dad was one of my teachers and had to see him near daily for a few years after.
I must have been about 16 when it happened. I really don't understand why they told me this. They already had enough information to add it all together. Even if they weren't sure and still wanted to know for whatever reason, they could have asked in more subtle way. But why was it so important to know anyway.
I still remember the smug hiding-a-laugh look on the second girl's face, like really wanted to see how I would react to being told this. I'm so glad I stop talking to them after high school. I only wish I had know better to ditch them right then. The fucked up thing is that they are both in caring professions now. One is a primary teacher and the smug one is a nurse.
Christ i'm so sorry, that was fucked up. They were simply being cruel, there was no point in it other than to see you distressed.
It's almost a meme at this point that female bullies become nurses and male bullies become cops. Maybe because being a nurse gives you power over the vulnerable whole appearing as a caring hero.
>>40448>It's almost a meme at this point that female bullies become nurses and male bullies become cops. Maybe because being a nurse gives you power over the vulnerable whole appearing as a caring hero.
I realised this myself recently and I've lost faith in public services a lot because of it. I'd like to say that they are able to mature and become better people, but I just don't think that's the case. One of my family members is a nurse and when she doesn't get her own way, she's exactly the same bully she was when she was younger. I really don't understand why these types of people are seen as being suitable for jobs like this.
I've seen dudes get into fist-fights and forgive each other shortly afterwards. If he secretly holds a grudge, he's a little bitch, but I'd be surprised if he even thinks about your slap on a regular basis. Anyway, you can either stop masturbating to the thought of slapping him and hope that this desire goes away, or you can slowly convert him into getting a femdom fetish by first converting him to gentle femdom then slowly upping the amplitude. My bf was already into the idea of gentle femdom because I said I wanted to try it out one day.
If you're not honest with him then it will ruin how you see your relationship.
las estatuas son tan hermosas, ojalá no me dieran tanto miedo…
>>40462>slowly convert him into getting a femdom fetish
She said he wanted gentle
Not a big leap from gfd to fd
He might be a bit too pure for it.
Then the conversion should be easier. As long as you're not delving into CBT territory or anything that will bruise, it should be easy to get him into a more rough playstyle. Also avoid slapping over the ear hole, a mistake I made once.
>>40510>conversionMuahahahahaha, yes. Another innocent boy turned to femdom.
Apparently there's a song with the lyrics "get a real job".
Playing the victim?
I think knowing how to make a hamburger is a BIT more glamorous.
I only have 1 irl friend and she's driving me insane. She spends all her energy catering to other people's needs so she can feel desirable and uses me as her personal therapist because everyone either ghosts her or uses her and she just won't change her behavior. She doesn't want to get therapy because I'm enough for her, I tell her I'm not a therapist and even if I was there's a reason you're not friends with your therapist and that I need space from hearing her repeat the same mistakes every time and asking my advice only to refuse taking it, she says she has nobody else to talk to about it, I tell her that doesn't mean I have to replace a therapist, she cries. Every time. I think I vented about her on here before but it hasn't improved one bit. I'm avoiding her more and more.
My life is just one Shakespearean farce after another.
In 2011 I made a pic titled "personnages auxiliaires" (which is on my Troell account on dA now). I don't remember if I made it before or after Steve Jobs' passing away, but it's a fact I made it before this: https://foxtrot.com/2011/11/06/remembrance/
Just goes to show how insufferably convoluted not only that year was but the fandom anyway if I really was retarded enough to think it was directed at me. Sorry about that.
I'm still not going back due to the default saturation of bad memories with no real agreeable amends (0 pun intended), but at least ONE weight/light has been lifted/shed.
NOW I remember thanks to coffee: I DID make that pic before he passed away. I made it and posted it around the time I had yet to move to another state before July and-
Yeah, as if anyone cares anyway. I'm not an edgelord anymore, get a life.
I recently cut off a super toxic friend, she was also my only irl friend (outside of work and online.) It's kind of bitter in the beginning but you won't regret fading her out of your life.
I won't be able to go to my sister's wedding this year due to reasons, one of them Corona-chan. We were never super close, always had extremely different lives and a way of thinking, but it was okay and I just wanted her to be happy. We are sisters.
Now she's really hurt, she can not understand my decision at all and this is even more painful because she's trying to give me a bad conscience.
I am touched, I sleep terrible and I think about it too often.
I hate how people use corona as this excuse for anything and everything
Can't you socially distance there?
Corona has an impact on my working place and I cannot leave easily, plus I would have to take a plane. It's no excuse, it's a fact.>>40573
Don't know for sure, but the wedding ceremony & party will be indoors.
Just douse everything in oregano oil spray. Oregano oil fucks everything.
It's inside, but you can move off to the side away from everyone, right?
he would like me more if i were skinnier. he'd be more patient and he'd put up with my autism if i were prettier
I'm getting really tired of everything. No matter what I do, I feel so empty and so bored. I have no hobbies and I have nothing interesting to do to pass time. If I try something new I hate it so much because of how boring it is. My future seems bleak and I think I should just drop out of college because I've grown to hate my major and I just want to end everything already. My life is only filled with thoughts of me wanting to kill myself. My memory's a bit fogged up too so I can't even remember anything good from when I used to actually be happy. I want to commit suicide but at the same time I don't because I want to be happy but I know that I will never be happy. I don't even know what will bring me happiness. My family situation isn't the worst, but it isn't the best. I have no actual friends that I hang out with or talk to. I have nothing to do with my spare time. It's getting difficult to find motivation to even go to college and it all seems to much for me. I've thought about going to therapy but I want to own a gun if I actually don't commit suicide so it's best that I don't get any mental illnesses reported. Also, don't reply to this telling me to go to therapy or to talk about my feelings with close friends and family because I don't have anyone close to me. The last time I got a message from someone was about a month ago and it was meant for someone else lol. Sometimes I think that I should do a double suicide with someone. Maybe then I'll feel not so alone.
i just want a bf who will love and cherish me
is that so much to ask? can i really not have this? this fundamentally basic quality of a normal human life?
men either abuse me or try to use me. i hate this. i'm tired of searching and waiting for a decent bf. i'm tired of the disappointment and being hurt.
If you consistently find yourself in abusive relationship, while you don't deserve the abuse, something is wrong about how you're picking these men
>>40618>I've thought about going to therapy but I want to own a gun if I actually don't commit suicide so it's best that I don't get any mental illnesses reported.
Are you in the US? If so, the only way mental illness would affect your ability to buy a gun is if you were ever involuntarily committed to a mental institution or were declared mentally incompetent by the state. HIPPA laws mean that there's no way anything you say or do in a psychiatric or therapy session can be made public unless you demonstrate a clear and present danger to yourself or others.
You literally have nothing to lose trying therapy and meds. The worst that happens is that you waste your time (which you already admit you're doing anyway), or you end up deciding to buy a gun and kill yourself anyway (which you already admit you're considering).
If you decide to be confident, none of that will matter.
I feel like I'll end up saying something that would get me involuntarily hospitalized otherwise then what's the point of therapy. There is no deep underlying trauma for my mental problems. I know someone who went to therapy and it didn't even help them and all their therapist did was make them read some stupid positivity quotes and to say one positive thing a day about yourself. Therapy seems like a waste of money to me which is something I don't have anyway. I'd try it if I could get it free but I'm tight on money.
Money that you'll need after you kill yourself? Honestly I share your skepticism about therapy since in my experience a large chunk of it is dedicated to helping relatively healthy people deal with basic emotional problems instead of actually treating mental illness but you don't enjoy the way that you feel since otherwise you wouldn't be contemplating suicide so it's worth pursuing something at the very least. Rationally you probably understand that this is an illness and therefore if the circumstances are correct you'll be able to feel joy again but depression interferes with your thought process so instead of pursuing that your mind leads to killing yourself. Of course it's one thing to realize that rationally if you do the right things you can escape your depression and another to actually muster the energy to do so when literally nothing brings you joy but it's either that or kill yourself and if you can muster the energy to plan out your suicide you can muster the energy to seek help
By being tight on money I mean that I'm living paycheck to paycheck so I don't even have the time or money to go to therapy even if I wanted to. It just seems better to kill myself since no one would even notice that I'm gone and I don't want to live anyway so what's the point of living. I'll have no mark on this world so might as well just kill myself.
I live in Florida which has particularly strict laws about involuntary commitment, so it's a state by state thing. But in general, the only thing I could see you saying that will get you involuntarily hospitalized is if you say that you're going to kill yourself soon and that you have an actionable plan to do it, like if you told them that you have a gun or that you're going to drive your car off a bridge. Just saying that you wish you were dead wouldn't be enough to get you committed.
There doesn't have to be deep, underlying trauma for mental problems, and most modern therapy doesn't take that view. It's a complex mix of neurochemical issues, patterns of thought, and your surrounding pressures. All good therapy will do is try to discern what your likely neurochemical issues you have, what patterns of thought you've built that are negatively affecting you, what your surrounding circumstances are doing to your mental health, and help you reach a space to start making changes across all of those things. Dealing with your past is only helpful if you think it's relevant to how you're feeling now.
You are right though that there can be a lot of bad experiences with therapists because it's a treatment that requires a personal connection by definition, so you'd have to find the kind of person you could make that connection with. They're possible to find though, and all that involves is recognizing if someone doesn't seem to be clicking with you and trying someone else.>>40636
I feel you about your money situation. I lost my insurance, but thankfully my therapist is letting me see him half price and my psychiatrist has reduced rates for the uninsured. Many doctors have sliding scale prices for different incomes. You might also want to look into something like Betterhelp, which you can do through your phone and is likely cheaper than a doctor.
I might look into it, but right now especially with the pandemic, it's difficult to have any extra money laying around. But thanks for the advice.
For sure. For what it's worth, I feel almost exactly the way you do. There's just this black hole inside myself where my desire to live should be, like a void that's collapsing everything around it. Every day is like pushing a slowly descending weight off of me just to reach a starting baseline of "mediocre." There doesn't seem to be hope on the horizon, and I have a constant yearning to die and finally be free of all this. The only thing keeping me here is that my family relies on me, and I feel trapped by my connections to them and my friends. But the therapy and meds do take some of the edge off and help me take small steps to better my life instead of just laying in bed and giving up, so it feels kinda important to me to at least suggest them as a real possibility to people. But I totally feel you.
You've already left a mark on the world and do so whether you wish to or not. By the mere nature of existing you've already effected the entire system around you. Granted, while you be glamorized as some herioc pioneer figure if you died today? Probably not from the sound of your posts, but you have already changed this world by choice or not.
I've forgiven my boyfriend for saying some mean, though apparently unintentional things regarding my body, but I hate my body. I already did, it's just now it's justified. He tries to be better, and good for him, but my perception of myself, and myself to him, is ruined. I want to feel sexy to someone and to someone I enjoy having sex with. The sex is good, but I feel ugly. I wish I could let go.
You should tell him you still feel bad. Maybe the reminder will have him scrambling to help, or at least keep him away.
Why do men dress like either wiggers or soyboys? what the fuck is wrong with them?
Being in a relationship just isn't worth it.
Because the men who don't dress like wiggers and soyboys don't interact with you.
Been feeling burnt out. Might've just failed a fucking online class that's a huge pre-req for me being able to graduate on time. I don't think there's any way around this fuck up. My family is going to be really upset with me for not graduating on time. I might just go into a trade or some shit.
I ruin everything that I touch and I'm not a good person. I'm lazy, entitled, selfish, and a liar. I'm trying to be better but it's too late.
All I ever do is make the wrong choices. It seems the only thing I'm good at is making everyone mad at me. It's so tiring. Im not the villain everyone makes me out to be. I'm just so tired.
Any other women deeply feel like they can't be free incubators for men anymore? With all the revenge porn and websites dedicating to documenting innocent women, it gives me more incentive to avoid them, not let them use my body as a free get offspring card
Are you a man pretending to be a biological woman? Most bio women are expected to be pregnant unconditionally and get called special snowflakes if they wait too long. I don't care though
I don't want him scrambling to help, I want him to not make it worse. I hate it when he calls me positive names, it makes me feel even filthier because I know he's just saying it.
He complains when I've told him it's better not to say anything about my appearance at all, even if positive.
I just want to have sex with a person who accepts me. I'm thin, measurements are 36-24-36, blah, blah, blah, things that should make a person attractive, but I'm not. I feel bitter when I get complimented by people because I wish I could tell them how they'd find me deficient like my boyfriend did, too.
Anon. I think this might be a problem you have with yourself, not with others.
Is the problem that I hate myself and wish someone else wouldn't? Or are you talking about another kind of problem in addition to or besides that one
Look at it this way: I was essentially the king of an empire of influence and pain similar to The Crow (which lasted MORE than 30 hours) that I also did not want anymore of since I made that shoujo style comic in 2017. You have basically inherited that throne to the point even I will be inspired by you when the right time comes. Take advantage of it however you want (or can, from what I've experienced) since it is something that will give you thick skin when you are ready to give it up (because I am not just talking on behalf of me when I tell you that you are going to WANT to give it up at the right time).
>turning 29 soon
>don't even have a long term bf (had to break up with the last one)
is the christmas cake thing just incel memes or should I just go ahead and buy 12 cats now? but i'm not joking, i'm actually really upset. men in their low and mid 20s just want to screw around and play bachelor, so unless i wanted to marry a guy 15 years older than me… i mean what the fuck are we supposed to do with that? why are men like this? i don't want to marry a creepy old man! but guys who were my age never wanted to settle down until now and now I am the one feeling pressure about running out of time. i hate this, fuck this shit. moids should all be forcibly married at age 22 before they can go insane and pussy-crazed and act like horny dogs all over the fucking place. disgusting fucking sleep-around skanky men. they are willing to waste a decade trying to stick their dick in as many holes as possible, and the SAD, SAD, SAD thing is that after sacrificing chances with a perfect girl who would have married them and a decade of happiness with a long term spouse, all they get for it is MAYBE 5 lousy one-nights with mediocre randoms. why do men do this? god, i just want to start taking a baseball bat to every moid i see. starting at age 20 they should just be beaten up every day until they learn humility and gratitude.
i mean, if you got naked on camera for him you probably know where he lives. just knock on his door and greet him with a nail-bat.
>>40847>is the christmas cake thing just incel memes or should I just go ahead and buy 12 cats now?
That phrase comes from Japan, a pretty misogynistic country. I wouldn't pay much attention to it.
>>40847>is the christmas cake thing just incel memes or should I just go ahead and buy 12 cats now?
Christmas cake is a purely Japanese meme, but to suggest that your chances aren't diminishing with age would be disingenuous.
>>40847>is the christmas cake thing just incel memes
I literally only see "christmas cake" used in a positive context online. Usually fetish-y, but still. Plenty of guys want an older woman. Certainly not most guys, you'll probably have to do some digging, but still plenty in the grand scheme of things.
You only have reason to worry if you live in Japan, where the term originated because they do have some actual IRL cultural hangups around unmarried women past age 30 specifically.
I hope you feel better after resting, anon.>>40841
He's trying to make up for it. It's just that you're letting that moment worm it's way into you.
>>40843>I was essentially the king of an empire of influence and pain similar to The Crow
Don't know what are you talking about but this made me laugh.
That's the way sexual liberation works. The top tier of both genders sleeps around constantly because they can always get someone new and novelty trumps stability. You personally see it more in men because they're willing to have casual sex 'down' more often and the men who don't partake have long since turned to either extreme political ideology, the tranny meme or have given up on society entirely. Like think of it as the top 20% of men and women will both be constantly having casual sex but the top 20% of women won't ever fuck anything below where they rate themselves while the top 20% of men, being less picky, will happily take a one night stand with almost any woman who offers and they view as reasonably attractive.
Probably you got yourself stuck into shitty circles that partake in that behaviour like university students/graduates where the handful who don't will have paired of very early on. Also living in an urban area past your early 20s when you're not in a serious long term relationship is another indicator for taking the convenient short term route.
I think "making up for it" is a shitty way to go in this case. It doesn't make me feel better
How would you want him to make up for it? Have you considered telling him?
I don't want him to make up for it. I want to understand why he said those things beyond a "because I was dumb" response. I want to know the truth behind what he thought of my body.
I'm pretty sure you can tell he was serious when he said those things about you, and then he realised his mistake once you found out. If you can't forgive him, then you know where this relationship should go.
He said them to my face. Nothing to find out. He apparently didn't realize they were hurtful.
i just melted a hole in my favorite blanket.
>walking around wearing throw blanket as poncho because chilly
>fetch moka pot from kitchen, coffee is ready
>handle is hot
>it's dripping down the handle burning hot coffee on my fingers
>about to drop it all over the floor
>use blanket as oven mitt to keep from dropping it
>??? blanket sticks to it
>get to table to set it down
>ring shaped hole melted into blanket
i feel like crying. i've had this blanket for 8 years.
I want to ride a cop's dick while i stuff his gun inside his mouth
Sew a cute patch on it anon.
I thought you read the messages on his phone? Anyway it sounds like he's just moody if he'll fling insults like that so casually. Does he have problems expressing himself?
Don't buy chink garbage blankets next time.
My bf is extremely emotionally immature, every time I try and have a conversation about how he's hurt me and about how I can't trust him anymore he just acts like a spoiled child and leaves. But not before going "I see" and going from passive aggressive to just flat out rude to me. I try and give this guy so many chances but as soon as I try and talk about what he did calmly and without raising my voice he just gets upset at me, views the smallest thing as a personal attack and leaves. He's 22 and can't seem to comprehend why I'm emotionally hurt by him and flips out when j try and tell him why, we've dated for over a year now and nothing has changed.
Are you older than him? Maybe you should reconsider him if he's so immature.
I'm a year younger, sadly we live together so it'll be difficult to leave and find something better.
You should really just start looking for somewhere else to live. Are you far from your parents?
Not too far but I just feel like I've invested so much time in this person and I want to be able to have a better relationship with him. But no matter how hard I try I can't get him to have adult conversations with me. I still love him I just wish he'd try.
I will watch Rise of Skywalker, but consider it the last movie I'm watching from both the director and the franchise. I've seen pretty much every other movie from him and feel like it's time for me to outgrow him the same way I've outgrown Del Toro and Nolan.
May the force live long and prosper.
Confront him about this once more, anon. If he acts the same way, you know this won't work out.
Missed out on al, pivotal high school milestones(except graduating, but that’s mostly because I went to a private school that my grandmother was an alumn of and still had a lot of clout). No friends remaining from high school or college. Ruined my boyfriend‘s career by lying about family connections to “keep” him. I should’ve gotten my drivers license 15 years ago but never did. Took the physical test once and failed it. A few years ago my boyfriend’s family member had an “in” to get me a scooter/motorcycle license with no effort on my part, but I was an alcoholic at the time and went on a bender the night/morning before instead. Never made my grandparents proud and now they’re gone.
No relationship at all with my younger brother which is completely my fault. Squandered a chance at a good education and world travel as a kid because I didn’t like my grandma. Etc.
And my boyfriend also told me a few days ago that he hates me and he hates that he loves me and still wants to be with me. It hurts but is completely justified. I don’t understand why he’s still with me despite everything I’ve done, sometimes it even makes me angry.
I'm having a mental breakdown right now after getting through the week decently enough. Full blown gone where I'm pretty sure I won't notice or remember if I hurt myself right now.
I really need to start caring for my mental health. Didn't realize how worn down I'd gotten.
I feel as though the collaborations I did with people last decade, from fanfiction and fanfiction covers to storyboarding animation and comics, were a bit more direct and organised.
Then again I only did 5 throughout those years (3 with the same person) and the last one I did, a comic in 2019, I was a MILIMETRE close to not doing it due to repressed anger issues(in fact all I did was hand the person the finished product and haul ass).
Fortunately the person happened to be on the same spectrum as me, despite being older, so it checked out.
Hang in there. Keeping your mind on what you're doing is a good way to not get lost in yourself, but it's just as easily a way to lose track of yourself altogether. Do you have any coping strategies? Any way to keep yourself from doing anything harmful?
He wants to save you, anon. What's stopping you from letting him help you? You can change as a person.
Why would anyone waste their time on a dead end relationship
I'm lonely. Slightly horny. I really want to cuddle under a warm blanket with some nice smelling, shorter, chubby tan/brown skinned guy with big, comfy muscles(I have a fetish). I want him to hold me in his arms and bury his face in my hair. I want that so so badly. I need that.
Oh and I am going through old memories cause I can't make new ones(Being a NEET is tough) and I just remembered this time where I was at girl scouts camp when I was 13 and I was using my Ipod I snuck in to look at pictures of Super Sonico I saved. Well, I was masturbating to them and the girl that was in the same bed as me found out and screamed at me. I kinda forgot what happened next but I remember being confused. Fuck being autistic with no social awareness.
I was twelve, not thirteen. I don't know why I wrote thirteen.
Wow that is so gross. Are you a lesbian or something?
It's good that you can come out with this information so easily, anon. It takes a lot for people to be so open even on the Internet. You should really try your luck at talking with people. Someone who's open like yourself would have a good chance at making friends.
I don't know. I'm aroused by women's bodies but women's bodies are kinda meant to be pretty instead of practical, right? >>40920
This is an anonymous board, right? Why wouldn't I be open?
Because anything as shameful as what you've just posted is something even I
wouldn't post on the Internet, through an anonymous imageboard, and then delete for confession's sake. It takes a lot to mention someone catching you masturbating in a tent to anime girls at summer camp. Even if it's here. What makes you think it'd be a bad idea to talk to someone?
> It takes a lot to mention someone catching you masturbating
It doesn't really. I've done worse.
Well, what do you mean by "practical?" Women's bodies don't have the muscle mass to do physical stuff exactly as men do, but they're as practical as you can get for bearing and rearing children. And I think a well kept man's body can be pretty.
I was talking about boobs. I like boobs, I some of my own now but bra shopping and laying on your back are a pain sometimes and they serve very little purpose other than to attract mates, therefor they are "pretty" instead of "practical".
I apologize if what I said was odd, I wasn't really thinking when I typed it all out.
Well, they have milk ducts that get used to feed babies far more efficiently and effectively than any man-made food, so that seems like a pretty big purpose. But you're right, outside of that there isn't a whole lot they do.
Not that person, but it seems like you're picking on some one more than having a conversation with them. I think what they meant by practical is men don't have to deal with regular periods and testosterone allows them to perform better at certain tasks. Maybe I'm reading the situation wrong but it seems like some of you really need to relax.
I think this is one of those times where text doesn't convey tone. I wasn't trying to pick on her, I was just idly responding. That's why I agreed with her that outside of breastfeeding, there isn't much they do.
Well I saw it.
The stuff that had stuff in it was VEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRY stuffy. X3
My sister found and sent us a family picture where my abuser shows up (a teenage boy not related to the family). She doesn't know he was a pedo, so I wanted to tell her to erase him out of the pic because I just think it's disturbing. My mom told me not to, so my sister could keep the picture as a good memory. Neither of them know he managed to abuse me.
I still want to tell her to erase him, but I'm obviously biased. Do you think I should?
It's obviously not perfect (nor even the best Star Wars), but there were too many things that rubbed me the right way to say I didn't from The architectural scope that reminded me of a PG-13 Metabaron (not that they don't go further than that when they first mention the spy in terms of edge)to that thing with Chewie at the end that had been overdue.
Did you think it was the best of the sequels?
I would be telling her he is a pedo. I don't think she would want to keep him in if she knew.
NTA, but I was sorta going on the assumption that there was a reason you didn't tell them you were abused. But if you feel comfortable with explaining that, then you'd be totally justified in asking that you'd rather not have him be present in that memory.
I used to walk around in public with my pants around my ankles because I liked the feeling of waddling, I would change my clothing in the middle of class whenever I felt it was uncomfortable, I used to climb anything, anywhere and would wave my hands around in public because I liked the sensation of my arms moving through the air.
I didn't grow out of it until I was 15.
That's pretty cute, anon. What draws you away from approaching brown manlet moids? Are you afraid of being rejected, or do you fear being manipulated?
>>40962>Are you afraid of being rejected
Yes and I have problems with social anxiety.
Well you better get started on getting a rejection. People talk about losing your virginity as the "first step" to socialising, but really it's your first social rejection that gets you started.
You need to get courageous, and approach them. Observe them and make an approach without planning. I know you can do this. It's only your choice if you don't want to.
You know how the prequel trilogy started out with two bad ones and ended with a good one? This is pretty much its opposite. Then again the director did well when he directed the first two Trek films. He should've done so here as well and saved the third one for Johnson.
We don't see eye to eye here - I thought Episode 2 was the closest thing the prequels got to "good." Which was your favorite of the sequels?
Oh, yeah the 2nd one was the best for me too.
For me, there's no stretch of the imagination I can make to have the prequels be "good," so deciding quality is strictly a matter of what had the most potential for something good, and Sherlock Kenobi and the Case of the Clone Army was the most interesting the trilogy got, and Dooku had a real chance to be a complicated, multifaceted character - the actual "political idealist" turned villain that the movie hinted at, but didn't deliver. Last Jedi was the best of the sequels for me for similar "good potential" reasons. From what you're saying about Abrams, I assume you liked Force Awakens the best of the sequels?
I am changing for the better, little by little. But I’ve come to realize my “trying my best” is still really low effort. Because I know even if I don’t try, I’ll still get by somehow. And like I said, I’ve already done so much damage. Honestly, I often feel like I’m an abuser and I’ve cornered him into this relationship.
For some reason we both can see a future worth fighting for together. Maybe it’s a dead end relationship like the other anon said. I don’t know. But we have some kind of spark between us keeping us together. Most of our unhappiness is from me not holding up my promises (or having no intention of following up on them in the first place). So I’m taking more responsibility for my actions and fixing what I’ve broken. I’m just an idiot so what should be simple for an adult to do is difficult for me.
I've actually only seen The Phantom Menace and Revenge of the Sith completely while Attack of the clones I've only seen 10 to 20 minutes of because the decade it came out in was too bumpy of a ride to maintain my interests (and I wasn't even a teenager yet at the time) so I can't really be one to judge it.
I didn't enjoy The Force Awakens as much as The Last Jedi, I just felt that Rian Johnson should've made another film after Looper instead of a Star Wars film since, as enjoyable and fun as TLJ was, he was obviously not even hiding how creatively exhausted he was (particularly in The Gorilla AT ATs and Snoke's unpolished death scene imo) in trying to go from one Sci-fi film after another.
I had actually never watched Star Wars (beyond what's in the culture) until a couple years ago or so when a friend had me watch all of them with him to discuss.
I haven't seen Looper, though I've heard it's good. I wonder how much was Johnson being tired of sci-fi and how much might have been tiredness with Star Wars as a franchise. TLJ had those self-conscious questions that come from when someone starts to think that the rules of a setting are stifling genuine creativity: Does the Force need to be solely owned by the Jedi and the Sith? Does there have to be an Empire and Rebellion? Do we have to keep playing these same stories of good vs evil forever? All of those are great questions to ask, but a little cruel to force another director to answer in the sequel to your movie.
>>40960>I would change my clothing in the middle of class whenever I felt it was uncomfortable
Was it like, you kept a change of clothes in your bag or locker and you'd bring them with you when you'd go to the bathroom?
A random eperson who harassed me and spent a lot of time reading my posts just to make up insults for me want to jail. Yeah that sounds about right. I'm not being lolrandom his posts were so specific it was obvious.
I'd usually change into my gym clothes because the shorts were much more comfortable than my school skirt or take off my shirt and put on a new one that I kept in my bag because the collar was uncomfortable
and I did not leave the classroom to change.
Then it's time for you to put in the effort, anon! There's obviously some meandering of fate into your lives since you can't seem to shake him off. Make the most of his love, anon. Don't waste it away. >>40986
Wow. That's pretty bizarre. It means a lot that you'd explain this so thoroughly. Do you feel a sense of pressure when you talk to people irl?
Wouldn't you get in trouble for taking your clothes off in class?
What did he say? How long did he do it for? He went to jail because of you reporting him or some other thing?
Some other thing, unrelated to me.
I still need to see the original trilogy completely.
It's good but it has that grit you'd usually expect from a foreign director like Nicolas Winding Refn or even Bong Joon-Ho, in a scene or two, for a time travel film.
It's hard to tell since he did confirm he was set to write and direct three years prior to TLJ's release, though I can recall Rogue One explored the force more with Chirrut in terms of whether he could use it or not.
As for everything else it's like any generation: the more time passes the more intricacies arise. Even Lucas himself thought that the only thing he would have to worry about when directing the new trilogy, after a 16 year hiatus, is how impressive the effects would look. But he hadn't even directed a film himself alone since A New Hope. What did people expect from someone emerging out of cinematic hibernation since the 70s in 1999?
And this was just 21 years ago. The best way I can describe Rian Johnson's choice to tackle a Star Wars movie, compared to Abrams, is that scene where Bender and Brian argue over the ceramic elephant in The Breakfast Club: https://www.moviequotedb.com/movies/breakfast-club-the/quote_4407.html
with Johnson being Brian (kek, they have the same last name) who had only directed original work and thought making a sequel would be easy, while Abrams, despite only having made just one original movie, wasn't as cocky and DEFINITELY knew more about directing as much adaptations and sequels and was used to the backlash that came with it the same was Bender was used to all the backlash of being the criminal in the group.
i hate everyone
i wish i was never born
i hate it
i hate everything and everyone
should i even bother ttryig to get a bf? i just wanted love and affection but i'm tired of men trying to use me, all they want is sex or to use me as a status symbol. they're disgustign and exhausting and stressful, and you know what i hate sleeping next to other people and dealing with other people all the time. i don't even want kids so what the fuck, why not just be alone forever and do whatever the fuck i want?
i sacrifice so much to try and find a guy to marry and what do i get for it? every guy is a sick depraved narcissist and annoying and dirty and ugly. i fuck myself better than any guy has ever fucked me, so what the hell why bother
Sounds like you've been repeatedly fuck-zoned if you've actually had relationships. Have you tried having some standards and expectations for the guys that entered your life before sex?
nice way to shame a fellow woman over something men did>>41000
yeah, i know, 80% of my dating pool is out the window from the start, unless i want to really be a bitch and just like, lie, and secretly get my tubes tied or something and not tell him.
Having the OT under your belt is critical, if only because it gives so much context to what the prequels and sequels are biting and ripping off.
I couldn't remember the name of any character from Rogue One if my life depended on it, other than Forest Whittaker saying "bogalit." But yeah, that dude was the most exciting idea in terms of opening up the ideology from the rigid binaries of the series. It's a whole ass galaxy and a whole ass universal life essence, and there's really only two ways every single person on every single planet could interpret it?
But that said, as much as I think Johnson's heart was in the right place, I think the real problem is just that Star Wars as a mythology is inherently limiting. The core of what makes it what it is is the light side and dark side, the Rebels and the Empire, the Hero's journey through strange worlds (which, after over 40 years, aren't so strange anymore) to discover their place within the prophecies of good triumphing over evil. Those rules can be bent, but they can't break without making something alienating to a lot of people, especially the kids that many people were when they first watched Star Wars. (Though seeing the results of breaking long established rules can be a meaningful experience, like KOTOR 2, but certainly not for a mainline series.) As adults, we have to either accept being told the same stories over and over or accept that we need to move on, like you're saying with you and Abrams as a director.
I think all this movie talk might be undermining the spirit of the vent thread though.
I only remember Krennic, K2-SO, Jyn Erso, and Cassian (had to look up Chirrut).Yup.
Nah, we're venting about Star Wars here and there cause we care to some degree.
I got in trouble every time I did it and was made to sit in the hallway. Once I even got after-school detention.>>40987
Yes, so I avoid doing so.
Do you live in America? I know it sounds like a copypasta but many straight men only see women as sexual conquests to brag to their male friends to. I know so many women and they were only treated as incubators and left by their man
anything in particular happen?
>>41007>I got in trouble every time I did it and was made to sit in the hallway. Once I even got after-school detention.
Your commitment to comfort in the face of the law is an inspiration, anon.
When you "grew out of it," do you remember how that felt? Like, did you just get the thought of "wait, this is really weird and I shouldn't be doing it?" Or did you find yourself not wanting to do it anymore and then realize in retrospect that you shouldn't have been doing it anyway?
"Care" is a strong word. My friend is super into it, but in that Red Letter Media way where he's also really tired and cynical about it. For me it's interesting to think about, though I do genuinely believe Empire is a really good movie and Luke's arc in Return was emotionally resonant.
Did you see Solo?
I got bullied so I had to be homeschooled and since I wasn't wearing uncomfortable clothing, I didn't feel the need to take anything off and then a while later I realized that I probably shouldn't have done that.
Did you end up being homeschooled all through high school? Also, how long did you do Scouts for?
>>41011>Did you end up being homeschooled all through high school?
Yes.>Also, how long did you do Scouts for?
I started when I was 10(I was late to the party, I know) and stopped when I was 13.
I won't stop being a dumbass
go to here>>41015
I'm sorry about your school experience. Weird stuff or not, you didn't deserve to be bullied.
How did you feel about Scouts? Are you happy you did it?
I guess I am. I really liked insects at the time and going outside on a regular basis with my troop gave me a chance to catch and learn about a bunch of different insects.
Most of the girls kinda ignored me because I was 'that one weird kid' so I was just left alone with my friend's mom and sometimes my friend would come back over to us and play with me, which was nice.
What sort of friends did you have growing up? Are you still in touch with them now?
I didn't have many friends growing up(partially my overbearing mother's fault for that) and the few friends I did have, I cut off contact with because I was scared they'd bully me.
Not being able to tell people's intentions really fucks with you. You could be surrounded by good people and all it takes is a few terrible people masking around as good to make you paranoid that everyone you come into contact with is just a terrible person who wants to hurt you and is just masking as a good person wanting to be your friend.
For sure. Unfortunately, not being able to tell intentions is just being human. Anyone can betray us, and any one of us can be betrayed. Life is just trying to trust in spite of that.
Did you have any experiences of your friends actually bullying you or betraying you, or were you just worried that it could happen?
I feel really lonely.
Being an extrovert quarantine is just destroying my mental health.
Where are you at? Evidence seems to suggest that if you mask up and stay outside, virus spread is minimal. Could you get a coffee with a friend outdoors?
yes. is this an american thing?
i've used proxies and desktop tinder to look at men in other countries, and from what i can see, american men are uglier than average by very far and also have higher standards and screw around more. is this a national thing after all?
like i needed any more reason to hate this country and being trapped here.
>>38743>I've always known I have depression and anxiety but I'm starting to think I have other undiagnosed mental illnesses like mild autism, avoidant personality disorder
My life is terrible and no matter how hard I try it's never enough. I can never have a single thing. Everything I try fails. I'm so depressed that I think about suicide every single day and have done so since I was a child. I'm not stupid, I can get myself out of bad situations, I just can't get into any good ones. Every path I look into is impossible for some reason or other when I get far enough down it. everything i want is ripped from my grasp. everywhere i want to go is fenced off and barred. everyone else can have things, and so easily, but i can't have anything at all.
So nothing in particular just the stress getting a little too loud to ignore. I've been sobbing all day today. life is just too difficult and i can't keep my head above water, and everyone i meet does everything in their power to assist in drowning me.
>You will know someone is truly good when they act out of kindness without wanting anything in return
Or they're playing the long game.
I occasionally do nice things for the people I know, helping them without compensation or giving them gifts, things like that. But I do still get something out of it, in that it improves their opinion of me and makes them more likely to help me in the future if I ever need it.
I've never really felt any kind of emotional satisfaction from helping people or doing good deeds or anything like that.
I’ve been being played with for a long time but it took a crack in the glass to finally see how far gone I am. Delusion is real. It’s amazing how far I would have gone for a lofty idea as real love. Now things are shattering it’s like a burst of clarity. A painful clarity. I don’t want to deal with any people again for a long time. It hurts too much
I get you. Just the burning weight of misery you're already carrying feeling heavier and hotter than usual.>I'm not stupid, I can get myself out of bad situations
I know this may not sound like it's very comforting, but this is a much bigger skill than it seems. A lot of life is chaos and luck, and there are a lot of good people who could have ended up somewhere better than they are now if they didn't get their feet caught in the swamp of something bad. I'm not gonna bullshit you and say it gets better because it doesn't really feel like it has for me neither, but the bare minimum requirement of getting something good is knowing how to keep away from the bad.
There's a path for you, and you can make it with your own hands. You're stronger than you think.
How do you find that person?
It's hard not to give up hope after having been exposed to thousands of different people through my life so far and not feeling a strong attraction toward a single one.
Most people that say something along those lines feel that way because they have a reductive understanding of people that alienates them. That or you're just ace but the way you speak implies you haven't had a good friendship either
I've had people that I've spent a lot of time with, who I'm sure consider me a friend, but I'm not certain that I regard them as my own friends because I've never felt the desire to go out of my way to see or talk to any of them, except occasionally as a means to an end for some possible event or activity.
There were people I spoke with in high school literally every day to whom I haven't said a single word since graduating. Same thing with the people I knew in college. I just haven't felt any desire to reach out to anyone in particular even though I have all their contact information and everything. Now that I'm no longer in school, I don't really ever speak to anyone except the immediate family I live with and the customers at my job to whom I give canned greetings and such.
I've suspected in the past that I might have schizoid personality disorder or something.
Being saddled with the desire for a romantic relationship as well as the inability to form one would be a pretty cruel twist of fate, though.
This ride of hopeless self-destruction is clearly not at it's end, anon. I hope you can come to peace with yourself.>>41007
You're holding your true self back anon. I seem like you were a very bold person back in your youth. If you made the effort to make friends, there wouldn't be any fear of rejection at all.
I just turned 18 a week ago and I was hoping to go to a therapist once I am an adult since my parents wouldn't let me go, but then I realized that the sessions are covered by medical insurance(europe) and my parents would probably see the insurance paying for some kind of medical professional. I was really really hoping to get better but I do not even know anymore, I just spent the last week half-drunk cause I just feel so lost now, no one will ever help me get better.
I am not looking forward to going to uni and being totally broke and living on instant noodles, my bf gets to have his parents pay all his rent and have a couple grand over for spending money and I have to sell most of what I have on eBay to be able to pay rent.
Do you have anyone you consider a genuine friend?
Then don't go to uni. Unless you really need a STEM degree to work in a specific field you have your heart set on it's unnecessary and mostly a waste of time for anyone young. If you're an autistic shutin you won't even get the fun of going out drinking with other students. Just go get a laid back job for a few years and work on your finances then transition that experience into a career and go to university later on in your life part time.
>>41061>live in world full of amazing opportunities to study abroad, do internships at top companies, go to bootcamps, do gap years, study in another state and use it to move to your dream place>born poor as dirt, didn't have $5 to my name>wasn't able to do jack shit>especially when i was depressed from growing up in an abusive household and physically ill from severe neglect>have to compete with rich pampered little assholes who had everything handed to them
i mean, i guess at least i wasn't born in africa or something, sure.
I have been accused of having internet friends again which is odd because it's been over ten years since I used the internet in any serious use. Even people who know me irl accuse me of doing shit on the internet that I haven't done.
I still use it casually but don't invest emotionally in it anymore or pretend to be a internet cool kid anymore
I know that feel anon. I wasn't dirt poor (not well off either) but my parents were controlling misers and I never got to do any of those things either, except a gap year because I took a shitty exploitative job abroad to get away from my parents.
Now I've managed to get myself to a situation where I have a decent job, a reasonable amount of money and the sense to cut my parents out of my life. I can't turn the clock back but I can go on trips abroad myself and do short adult courses while traveling. It sucks not having been able to do things when everyone else could but I'm happy that I can now.
>>41094>Even people who know me irl accuse me of doing shit on the internet that I haven't done.
Like what, anon? Can I ask?
I don't want to clog up the thread with my posts but basically someone I know in person claimed I was talking to internet people again when I haven't done that seriously in over ten years, when I was underage
We're able to yeah, he's mentioned that I can always come over to him to cook and stuff but having him pay for everything would not sit well with me.>>41077
It's a bit too late for that, although I have my worries I do want to take part in the social aspect and meet new people.
I don't know why I even bother being sad or complaining about being a virgin hag when I still spend my free time watching bl and shipping videos.
I just never found a normal man attractive, I either want to become famous and able to date cute celebrity boys or stay a single fangirl forever. I know that I wouldn't be content with an average dude, I wouldn't be able to stop dreaming for somebody more handsome and exciting. Do other women just stop being fujos/fangirls after they meet their guy or how does this work?
My only hope is that I can spend all the extra time I have thanks to not dating all these years to better myself (in looks, talents, etc) and then someday maybe get a man who's goodlooking enough and not completely bland who makes me forget about my previous hobbies and dreams…
I've mellowed out a lot but even after getting my first boyfriend I still liked BL and owned a lot of them. Recently I've mellowed out a considerable amount but I still do enjoy it on the odd occasion, my current bf is short and cute but looks nothing like the average uke but tbh I wouldn't want him any other way. If you meet someone really special I don't think you'd care if they're a 10/10 bishie boy anon.
Not the same anon. It's not that easy. The amount of stress abused kids are under just living their daily life makes it very hard to succeed at anything. While the anon might qualify for financial aid and loans, it's really difficult to get good grades, come across charismatic in interviews, or have something worth writing about in scholarship essays if you've had abusive parents. Other people with normal parents will find these things easier, then be more likely to get more internships etc once they've done well at one. On top of that, no one cares that you have abusive parents unless someone noticed and you were taken away from them so you can't even try to use it to your advantage. I don't want to seem pessimistic and that it's impossible for them to do these things but your situations are not the same at all and it comes across as a bit patronizing to say there are opportunities available. There are opportunities for you maybe, but nowhere near as many will be possible for the anon.
I also feel like I get judged hard on tinder and the dating scene for not having traveled to 100 countries by age 25 or live in a luxury apartment or wear designer clothes and other ridiculous flexes. like, no, sorry, I don't have glamorous vacation selfies on a tropical beach and in front of the tower of Pisa, sorry about that, I was busy selling possessions to make rent and applying for hundreds and hundreds of jobs.
Thank you for acknowledging it. If kids who are from normal loving middle class families, who receive love, support, care, encouragement, guidance, etc, they can look at some rich kid with connections who got ivy league education and private tutoring, and they feel like it's an unfair advantage, right? Well, the gap between a trust fund kid and a normal middle class kid is the same as the gap between a normal kid and an abused kid. But it's not as visible, and normal kids don't have empathy for anyone under them, so no one cares. If I even reveal the fact I'll be ostracised and people don't even realize how horrible that is, because no one ever told them it was. There's all sorts of anti-discrimination based on gender and race, but as for class there's blatant open discrimination against poor kids, and everyone victim blames abused kids. I've had parents snatch my friends away from me because they all said I was a "bad influence." I was a straight-A student who loved reading and nature. But I was dressed in rags with holes in them, so they acted like I was a leper who would get their kid hooked on meth.
And just having a loving, supportive family is a HUGE benefit people don't appreciate because they take it for granted. You're comparing healthy people with a support network to people who started their adult life with crippling mental disorders and have no one to turn to. I simply lost about 5 years of my young-adult life merely trying to "fix" myself to the point where I could function in daily life. In today's hyper competitive world that meant I was fucked from the start. It's really hard to get into a fancy top-company internship when you can't even speak to someone in the college admin office without starting to cry. I'm fine NOW but I'm very, very far behind my peers. Just consider how often people ask their parents for help or advice and understand that would never be an option for me.
i want to play ffxv but i don't have a pc that can handle it, i don't have the money to buy a pc that can, and i don't have a job to get the money. i wish i could just spawn in money/get it by doing nothing, man…or at least enjoy studying enough/be able to commit to studying in order to get a decent job.
but whenever i sit down (while even using the pomrado method) i can barely surpass 45 minutes per day per subject. fucking hell
tomorrow i think i'll take the meds i got from my doc (focalin, it never really helped but who knows), down some of the tea i bought that's supposed to help focus, and just see what happens. so tired of living like this lol
I felt powerful anorexic. I didn't care if people hated my body, I loved it. I've gained nearly 30 lbs from that era and am healthy now, and I despise my body every single day. I want implants if I'm at this gross weight.
I just wish I were anorexic again. I used to be content with myself. It was a battle against the scale for me, not a battle against what looked aesthetically pleasing or what was culturally pleasing.
He said things to my face which were insulting, but in the sense that he didn't think what he was saying would insult me.
I'm trying to get better at forgiving and moving on.
I might be able to move on, I'll just never feel attractive to my partner, ever. Lol.
I don't think I do.
I do currently have people I talk to online on a regular basis, but ultimately I don't think there's a single person in my life outside my immediate family who I would miss if they were to suddenly disappear. I'm not sure there ever has been.
Buy stuff like dry rice and beans in bulk, it's cheaper than instant noodles in the long run and won't make you feel like garbage.
I didn't sleep well and i really don't want to deal with my therapist today. He's good with some things but feels pushy with me getting over things like assault and phobias.
I just want to vent about these topics some days, not rework my mind to make myself more vulnerable, so i waste entire sessions sometimes just dodging his observations and non-comforting words.
Feels like today will be one of these wasted days.
Yeah I feel like I'll probably buy a lot of rice and add some sauce to make a it bearable. I hear pasta can also be good as a cheap meal.
>>41131>I just want to vent about these topics some days, not rework my mind to make myself more vulnerable
What happens when you tell him that? At least, saying that you're just interested in verbalizing your thoughts right now rather than trying to "fix" them?
>went to 4chan
>thread about "practice gfs" (where you deceive and use a girl to get your mistakes out on someone you intend to dump eventually anyway)
>thread about girl who is in late 20s finding dating prospects poor and whole thread is about "empty egg cartons" and "men peak at 40" memes
i know they're just retarded incels who no woman would ever even touch to begin with, but i'm still angry. how do you NOT hate men?
convince workplace HR teams that introverts are not actually lepers, make it as socially unacceptable to ask about someone's parents as it is to ask about their sexual preference, better education about college/internships/careers etc for kids/teens/young adults who need it, education that encouraging abused kids to love their parents anyway or to "reconnect" with them is a really fucked up concept. just throwing money at it won't really do much, most charity of any type just gets stolen by admin. i was hoping social justice and inclusivity would be about neurodiversity instead of just racial/sexual checkboxes tbqfh but i expected too much of humanity.
some kind of free socialization therapy for neglected/abused kids would be nice too, but hell, we can't even get medical care in this country, let alone mental care. there's really nothing to be done. maybe more books like harry potter to raise awareness/acceptance.
/adv/? I saw that thread too.
>ordered glasses online to try and save a buck
>the frames to try on look great, pay and order
>lenses are falling out
>somehow looks horrible on me
>look like an owl
>lenses are ridiculously thick even when i paid for high index (special thinner material)
>now have to return them and find some IRL place to do it the old way, costs $~300
christ. and i can't help but feel my eyes are so horrible (-9) because my asshole lazy horrible bitch of a mother used the television as a babysitter and never let me go outside. lack of looking at things at a distance (IE being outdoors) is said to make you nearsighted. why is it fair that i get fucked over for life because my parents didn't give a tenth of a fuck about me? and no, i'm not getting lasik. i know a lot of people who got their eyes fucked for life by botched lasik.
i think they were both on /adv/. and it's one of the less shitty boards so it was surprising to see that kind of filth there.
>>41168>looking at irl glasses places>they all need you to wear a mask
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TRY ON GLASSES WITH A FREAKING MASK COVERING HALF MY FACE
i really fucking need new glasses and there is no information on when these fucking mask requirements will ever be over. i'm crying right now, i hate it so much, i'm so sick of it. i just want new glasses, my old ones are beat to hell and scratched up, oh my god stop with these fucking masks i hate it i hate it i'm so fucking tired of it, 6 months of this bullshit, SIX MONTHS. i'm tired of stores treating me like a god damned leper. how am i supposed to see if glasses look good on my stupid face if half my stupid face is covered in a damned rag?
It can be good for general advice but anytime women get mentioned it turns into incel territory.
Aren't you going to be wearing a mask when you go out with your new glasses, anyway? You could try shooping frames on your face. Or look at shape guides to see what size/shape should compliment your face.
>>41160>male dominated board>men peak at 40
I'm paying $300 for glasses, I expect to wear them more than 2 more weeks, anon.
I just want to be fucking funny and make people laugh. I love comedy so much and laugh probably 20+ times a day at various people I talk to IRL, online posts, and TV shows/movies.
>tfw too retarded to think quickly enough to be funny in social settings
>tfw can't do impressions worth a shit
>tfw can't even write a funny thing online
The only time I'm mildly funny is when I'm 2-3 beers in and around the right people.
This actually makes me want to kms sometimes
I know this is the vent thread, so isn't what you're looking for, but:>Near-work activities, such as reading, writing, computer use, and playing video games, have been suggested to be possibly responsible for the remarkable increase in the prevalence of myopia as well as increased odds for myopia. However, there also have been some studies reporting a weak or absent association between heavier load of near work and the prevalence or incidence of myopia, especially early myopia.>Outdoor activity, as either a potential prophylactic measure or a possible risk factor, has aroused considerable interest. Although it is still not clear whether outdoor activity can help prevent the onset and progression of myopia, several recent epidemiological studies suggested that greater time spent outdoors might be associated with reduced prevalence of myopia. The underlying mechanism of this association remains poorly understood.
Basically, there's no real way to know if you being inside all the time did it because we don't know for sure what causes it outside of inheritance. You very well could have just gotten it all the same. I'm not saying you don't probably have other legitimate reasons to hate your parents, but being nearsighted is something where you might as well take it up with God.
I remember in middle school I was having one of those heart to heart vulnerable conversations with my best friend, and I admitted that being funny was really important to me, and I was worried if I wasn't actually funny. He started laughing.
>>41182>being nearsighted is something where you might as well take it up with God.
very well then, i shall. thank you for effortposting but i dont see how my ancestors survived to breed with eyesight this lousy
Nobody's going to hunt you down for telling someone else's joke, anon. Just say "did you hear the one about" before it.>>41184
They just didn't think about it.
A lot dumber shit has made it this far. Once we got enough technological power to decide that we don't give a shit what God or Nature has to say about the way things should be, all bets were off, type 1 diabetes, sickle cell anemia, erectile dysfunction and vaginismus be damned.
I'm sick of having crushes and doing nothing about them. I worked with a guy about three weeks back when we got rostered in the same department together (though I had first met him around 2 months back) and it was just us talking and laughing and shit. He's really cute and he made me feel really funny and desirable because he would laugh at things I would say and we met on the same level in our conversations. He seemed genuinely interested in me - asked about my favourite movies, work, bantered with me etc. And after only this one shift did I start to develop feelings which is pretty copey. But I know I'm not likely to get another chance to talk to him openly in that setting again, so I kinda fucked my chances in getting his social media or whatnot. It pisses me off every time I think about what I could have said to him to get to know more about him, or to ask for his fb/whatever, but I blew my chances. I saw him the next day when I clocked out and he was clocking in and I felt the feelz which is when I knew I was fucked. I just wanna get opportunities to talk to him but I know it's not up to me. It's probably just infatuation bc what he showed me in terms of personality was something I'd been missing from guys in my life and I wanted it, but it's all I've been able to think about lately.
Yeah and then we have to deal with splicers and cyberdemons.
At least ADAM and teleportation/harnessing Hell energy seemed like good ideas at the time. Though I guess inventing and making glasses for people with bad eyesight is maybe a bit more sustainable in the long run than giving them magic slug genes.
Just seek him. Don't look for excuses to meet him, anon. You panic just thinking about this, but it has to be done. Do it.
I don't entirely understand the situation, but what's stopping you from just asking around about him and finding a way to get in touch? If he enjoys your company and you enjoy his, it sounds like exactly the thing that would make him want to at least be your friend, which seems like a pretty good step to something more.
He's kinda like new-ish to my work and we're part time in customer service so it's hard to talk to him on the clock which is the problem ig, the one shift we had when we spoke was out the back which was completely random and not likely to happen again. When I do see him he's too far away to have an actual chat. I found his social media but I know it's weird as fuck to just randomly follow someone provided we've spoken like on one occasion and he hasn't actually given me his username.
Maybe I'm a little autistic, but I feel like in this day and age, everyone knows that someone can be easily looked up on social media. Maybe don't just add him out of the blue, but are you able to at least run into him long enough to ask a quick "hey, I really liked talking with you, do you have a [insert social media] I can add you on?" I feel like if he has the heads up that you're interested in adding him, he'd be open to letting you.
Yeah, I guess I could kinda picture myself doing that, but I'm a major pussy and have an intense fear of rejection due to low self esteem in the past surrounding opening up about wanting a relationship. I just gotta man up and do it. Thanks anon.
If it's any consolation, you don't have to think about it as setting up a relationship right now. You talked with this dude once and had a good time, and you're just getting the chance to talk with him some more. Just having him in your life even as a friend will probably feel great, and the chance of something more can come naturally as it may. I believe in you, anon!
I think like a lot of skills, it's just a matter of knowing what to practice and then practicing it. A lot of comedy is just observing something, realizing that there's some ridiculous underneath it, and finding the words to say it. Snatch jokes you love like >>41185
says, but also think about what makes them funny to you, and try coming up with and writing down stuff similar to it from things you notice or think about. Most of it probably won't be funny, but once you start making yourself laugh, you'll know you're on the right track of how to tell good ones. Then it's just letting yourself look like a dipshit around your friends until you can translate the funny in your head into your mouth.>This actually makes me want to kms sometimes
I feel bad saying this, but this is kinda funny.
I had heard about the sickle cell malaria resistance idea, but the rest is news to me. Solid knowledge of the literature, anon.
i'm so glad there's an equivalent /adv/ for women only!! plus anyone i may know inrl are less likely to find my shitty ass boohoo baby posts.
i have a lot to unpack, although my brain feels weirdly happy. i've been such a depressed mess lately. i need a new notebook to write in, i really hate myself for not doing daily journaling for years.
being anorexic was a simpler time. being lonely was so much easier then
also, it's super hard to make girl friends. i feel like i'm bullied by girls more, esp when they have bpd
i wish i generally had more drugs
i like tall boys but my bf is 5"5 at best. he's also rlly dumb himbo
cats are okay but i prefer big happy dogs or farm animals
i probably have autism and/or ocd
i don't really have any crazy secrets, just abused.
all i do is make bubble tea at home and wish for plastic surgery and play videogames
i really want a loving gf. girls are just hot & cute. or at least a friend where we can be platonically mutually beneficial to eachother, like we cook for eachother or something <3
typing this all out makes my life sound simpler than it is, but there's constant chatter in my head and i don't have $$ to get medicated and the effects of meds scare me!!
ok bye i love you
I love you too anon, I think you might be on your way to seeing the better path
>>41209>i like tall boys but my bf is 5"5 at best. he's also rlly dumb himbo>i really want a loving gf.
Sounds like you don't like your boyfriend.
>>41209>Having a 5'5 bf and not cherishing him while still holding the preference for lanklets and wishing you were in a lesbian relationship.
Does your first name begin with a B? You sound like someone I know
my name doesn't start with a b, sorry!! ;;
my bf knows how i feel, our relationship has many problems dab
but we'd still be friends no matter what happens. i'm 5"4 so it's not a huge thing i just avoid heels which does make me unhappy :- (
do still want gf
also thank you anon, i am moving in the right path!! <3
>>41229>my bf knows how i feel, our relationship has many problems but we'd still be friends no matter what happens.
I don't mean to sound curt, but why not just be friends then and start your journey to find a cute girl? I realize your situation may be more emotionally complicated than it reads to me, but it seems like you know that something isn't right here and you also know what you actually want.
no worries anon.
i am trying to figure that out currently!! it's def much more emotionally complicated.
i know what i want but i'm v committment driven and want to figure out if i can get past everything he did since he is actually trying to do n be better. despite my post im v loyal & monogamous (sp?) i simplified the issues down to his height bc a lot of my problems in our relationship boils down to me overcompensating, compromising, caring, and he does not.
i really wish i had someone to talk to about it, that wont just say, "break up" but no one wants to "be a therapist" so i will just keep googling, posting anonymously, and such.
i'm not exclusively looking for a wlw, but the chances of success seem much higher than a hetship. i am just looking for someone who will provide as much care, thought, and kindness as i do. <3
How long have you been with this guy anon? Do you live together? Has he been disloyal?
I think it could still work out. Has he told you directly that he doesn't want you to be taller than him?
I have this irrational hatred of my housemate because I had a crush on him until he revealed himself to be ultra right wing nearing actual Nazi levels. Last week he found out he got an aging receptionist pregnant and I was fucking savouring the hell he was walking into, but now he's over the moon with excitement and just told me I have to leave when my rental agreement expires to make room for them.
I've been sitting in my room fucking fuming with anger while he has been nicer to me than ever before. It's fucking 5am and he's turning an office room in a nursery. I just want to seal up all the doors and windows and gas us all.
Anon this guy is definitely gonna cheat on this woman in less than a decade. As soon as the dopamine rush ends and he realises what he's done he'll be fucked for life.
Good, and I hope it fucking destroys his life. I pray she takes literally everything he has in a divorce or settlement.>>41252
40 or so. Unsure.
>go to board train
>guy and me try for the same door at the same time, we both stop
>i hope he will go but he just stands there looking at me, then he lifts his leg up and kicks me
>was wearing shitty sweatpants so not concerned, didn't hurt, I just get in, like, okay
>sit towards side, the very end exit is apparently blocked off due to corona, however reducing the # of exits can help with that I don't know, but sure
>so between me and the remaining exit that guy sits down in the middle of the floor and sprawls out
>riding, notice he's out of it, moaning and grabbing his head and crawling around muttering
>keep watching him, trying to see if he has any weapons, have pepper spray in my pocket
>i'm actually seated sideways (always like this so i don't feel like i'm moving backwards) so i'm the only one who can see this guy
>he takes out a butterfly knife and starts flicking it open and closed
>grab pepper spray and check it
>ride continues, i can't get off without passing this guy who is sprawled across the center aisle, no way around him
>other guy sitting behind me, while the knife guy has his back turned i use a gesture and mouth "knife" to him, flick my eyes back and forth to the guy
>passenger gets the message and we start trying to figure out what to do
>at the next stop i try the blocked off door behind me, but it doesn't open (real nice for safety, really, amazing job)
>knife guy eventually gets up and stands further down, facing out, using some kind of drug
>i can get around behind him without being noticed now
>next stop me and passenger book it out
>obviously call 911 to report it
>woman is dismissive, asks, "well did he actually threaten or stab anyone?"
>reply, "no, i suppose he was just standing around flipping a butterfly knife open for fun," in the most sarcastic tone i can muster
>repeat that he kicked me when i was boarding
>she gets the message and takes a description, says will alert the police
EXCUSE ME BUT WTF
and in hind sight, the pepper spray would have been pretty useless. best bet would have been to get him to stab my grocery bag and push past him to get out. why do things like this happen to me i just wanted to buy groceries. literally anemic and on my period, too, just the worst
he hasn't been disloyal and doesn't mind taller girls at all. it could definitely still work out!! we do live together and have been together for 2 years.
at the beginning he seemed like a normal guy with anxiety and i found out he regularly lied, especially about himself & his past. i caught on and called him out over time.
he was a different person for sure – he even said he feels like he "tricked me" into the relationship.
i don't really know what to do best he is
improving, but i don't know if any romantic feelings will come back. it's like i've had to teach him to be an adult :- /
You kinda sound like a crazy bitch tbh. The guy has a right to a personal life and to fuck who he wants. Yeah it sucks he turned out to be a Nazi but that might be bad judgment on your part. Just let the guy live his life. Also>the fact he chose an ageing receptionist over a girl his own age
Well at least there's a good chance of his "pure" aryan baby being retarded.
tfw so bad at communication that i've tried 3 times to vent on something entirely different than not being able to express myself so i just made this vent instead
I think you should try wearing heels around him. If he doesn't mind then there's no reason not to. >anxious>lied>had to teach him to be an adult
Sounds like the same person to me, anon. Did he lie and say he was a badass or something?
he lied about past cheating and all of the friends he had that he slept with before. turned out to also be an alcoholic. :- /
i had to teach him to be an adult because he doesn't schedule things, do chores, cook, etc. he was born with mommy and daddy money.
thank you for your help btw <3 i just bought some heels to overcome it!!
i hope the universe sends some real answers my way soon but i guess i'll just have to have patience.
I don't know about trusting a cheater, but has he stayed away from alcohol lately? If so, it might just work out!
could you cool it with the casual racism?
It's because threads are never pushed off the board. They can only be filled, or exist awaiting replies forever.
It's also because there's a lot less traffic here
Feels has 43k messages in 3ish years so really small
It's also easy to be scrolling through the catalogue, see a thread, make a post before seeing that the last post was months or years ago
The solution to that is to just automatically lock threads when they reach a certain age, if not a certain post count.
I think the best method would be to lock or archive threads once they've been inactive for a week.
At that point of we want to bring up an old subject when can just make a new thread
why bump to say this? they've probably migrated to the new vent thread now
This could easily be solved by limiting the number of threads per a board from 950 to 100~150>>43296
Traffic is not the problem. 4chan/a/ has only 100 threads up at at time, for some godforsaken reason, admin thinks boards need 950 max threads. We certainly don't have 9.5 times the number of users 4chan has, I have no clue why we need this number of threads open at one time.>>43315
8chan already does this with each thread being archived once it falls off the board. No need to lock threads, just reduce the number of threads per a board and archive threads that fall off.
Anonymous Admin 43465
I can decrease the comment limit, please weigh in here: >>>/meta/3057
However, archiving threads in the sense that you're describing isn't possible with our current platform, they have to be manually locked - which is something we can start doing. I just think it'll lead to having the same basic conversations at the start of each new incarnation of a thread.