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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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How to make friends? Anonymous 47255

I have a hard time making friends with others both online and irl. Does anyone have advice in how to make friends and be likable and sociable?

Anonymous 47257

I can mabe help but what is the issue?
Is it other people not liking you or you not liking other people?
Tell a story of your usual experience

Anonymous 47263

Say compliments to them always, believe in them, help em out, play the same games they play, get into the same hobbies they are into, etc.

Anonymous 47264

I usually met people online because I barely leave the house in real life. I contact people from different sites and try to establish conversation. If I click with them, I try to talk with them and play games, watch films ect but after a few months, they either stop answering messages, disappear or we run out of things to share. I try to be as kind as possible. I am tired of that cycle. It has made me discouraged to find other people.

Anonymous 47324

do you discuss emotional things?
IK anon but I can never find anyone I enjoy talking to even if they like talking to me.
when you click with someone you can just talk about anything and it works.

Maybe try learn about psychology and stuff as it can help you understand people if that is the issue.
also if you make friends with normalfags they do not see online people as real friends usually and you will only be substitute for offline friends.

Make friends with some other hikikomori maybe? join hikki communities but they are shit anyway.

Anonymous 47325

I know about psychology and put effort but even after clicking with someone, it all fades after a few months. I tried joining some hikki/loner groups but they were not that good. Maybe it's because, as you said, most of the people I have talked to online are normalfags and it can be hard to relate to them. Or with guys, once they get a gf, it's like you don't exist to them. I'll leave my discord in case anyone is interested in talking ghossty#5021

Anonymous 47327

100% sadly we may be able to relate to normalfags about discussion of various topics such as philosophy etc but when you try to relate on a deeper level we are basically aliens to them.

Even a lot of hikki come off as normalfags and they can be so immature plus there is some overlap with the incel community and NEETs in general.
o you reveal your gender?
I know that a lot of guys from hikki community will not even talk to you if they know you are a girl from you saying so straight away.
Not because they hate woman but so many e girls just try validate themselves and stuff.

It is very very hard to find cool people to get along with but dont give up as it is possible.
Also anon I think you should know that it can be risking leaving the tag of your legit discord as they often get posted over on r9k so can be best to have people add your alt.

You only stop existing when a guy gets a gf if that guy never truly valued you for who you are ayway.

Keep trying anon

Anonymous 47332

It is possible to relate in general stuff but when it comes to personal topics, the difference is massive and they might not understand what I'm trying to convey. Aliens, as you said.

Most hikki groups are filled with guys that just so happen to be incels or toxic. I didn't reveal my gender because I was barely active but just seeing the conversations made me not want to interact at all.
I don't want to give up because I've met decent people in the past. I am using a temporary discord so if I meet someone nice, I'll just add them to my main. I didn't know discords got posted in r9k. Thanks for the warning.

You seem very sweet and I hope you have a wonderful day and meet equally nice people anon thanks

Anonymous 47333

I had only heard of NEETs and shut ins before, but the hikikomori description also applies to me.
Kind of wary to send you a request, as I never talk to anyone online. Should I? I don't even play games anymore. No idea about what we could have in common tbh.

I hope it gets better for you anyways. I'm also at a similar situation, i just don't know what to do with people's attention; can't keep a conversation going or started.

Anonymous 47334

wow thanks soo much for being a nice poster anon!!

I think you should know that unless the community you join is using true incel talk like "looksmaxxing" and all that stupid shit it could just mean they are meming but I know what it is like out there.
For some reason incel stuff is everywhere.
Incels are failed normies.

You will make a friend eventually I have met the most autistic girls as in mid functioning full spergs and even they managed to make friends.

hikikomori is a shut in.

Anonymous 48165

look at what youre really interested in/do on the regular basis. Do you watch movies all day? Why not join some movie forum and discuss about them. Do you like music? Why not pick up an instrument or become a music critic? Do you like fighting for justice? Why not join a group that advocates for this and that. But also know making friends as adults is hard and has more luck involved. I too want friends but its really hard.

Anonymous 48173

As someone who also didn't have friends for a long time because I missed out on socializing as a child, I can say to you that it's definitely possible to make friends as an adult, but getting started is the most difficult part. Because if you have friends who you like you can easily meet new people through them. But if you don't have any friends at all it can be kinda difficult. First of all, stop searching online, as people before me already stated, most people won't get really close with people they only know online. Instead try joining a club or going to an event with likeminded people. For example I met some really cool people at a jam session in a bar and started hanging out with them occasionally. Another advice I would give you is dont be shy. I know it's easier said than done but you just have to force yourself to get out of your comfort zone, drink some alcohol if that helps you. Don't wait for the others to start a conversation, most people already have many friends and probably won't even notice you. Start talking to them, just be yourself. You can even say something like "Hey I'm trying to find some more people who are also into subject of the club or event you're at, what is your name?" most people are actually nice and interested in meeting new people. And even if they're not: fuck them and talk to somebody else. Whenever I feel too socially awkward I just try to pretend that they are just Npcs in a game and you're not afraid to talk to those, aren't you? ;) Good luck to you and I hope you will make some friends!

Anonymous 49610

As someone who had to learn social skills from scratch as a late teenager, I can say the thing that worked for me is treating socialising like you're playing an RPG. You have to be mindful that when you say specific things, or encounter people in specific situations, you'll get specific responses. You also have to grind for XP in areas such as music, TV, and sports (which isn't fun) so you have enough small talk to have with strangers. If you pass the small talk speech check, you unlock new speech options about deeper topics. Most of all, you need to start side quests by going out of your way to join hobby clubs or talk with people outside work/school. Be sure to say hi to people you see regularly or compliment them every now and then. Remember that your best bet is to talk to real human beings, not loners on the internet. The people you surround yourself with leave an imprint on you.

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