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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent
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Vent thread Anonymous 60740

Previous thread >>58197

Anonymous 60744

ive been dating a moid for a little over a month and want to be his girlfriend but i dont know how to bring it up or what to say. i havent been in a relationship for over 2 years, but i have tried. usually i think a boy likes me but then he ends up leaving me for someone else or we just fall apart somehow and i dont want it to happen this time so i feel like i need to trap him with a label so he cant get away. he could still cheat on me or break up with me but at least it wouldnt just be ghosting. i have no idea how to do this and the last time i asked my therapist for advice she said to not talk about my feelings and wait for him to do it. i dont think i want to ask her for any more boy advice so i am just lost and feel like shit. i havent even told him how mentally ill i am either which is important but idk how to do it. im just pretending to be normal and im scared once i talk about my feelings ill be too much of a hassle and bother and will be left again. i hate being stuck in this mind.

Anonymous 60747

>>60744
>the last time i asked my therapist for advice she said to not talk about my feelings and wait for him to do it
based therapist. Most men who date around will play along with anything if they simply don't have many other options at the moment, so you will feel much more secure if he proactively shows he wants something serious. otoh you should also decide on a timeline for yourself so you don't just wait around forever, if he wants you he should be excited about committing to you and if this isn't the case you need to walk away.

To be honest I'm not a fan of dating without labels, especially getting intimate before you know there's mutual interest in a serious relationship. Starting out as friends and getting to know each other is a million times better, my partner and I already knew we would be good for each other and were committed from date 1. I understand that it isn't always so easy to achieve though.

Anonymous 60750

I want a Snufkin bf.

Anonymous 60751

>>60744
>so i feel like i need to trap him with a label so he can't get away
lol, why? if he doesn't want to do that himself why try to force him? i'd rather be ghosted than a guy feel obligated to be with me despite not wanting to be. you do you, but i do not understand this. why not just wait for him to broach the subject? if he wants to date you, he'll say so.

Anonymous 60752

>>60751
In case you can't tell im mentally ill. nothing about what i want makes sense to me either.

Anonymous 60753

>>60752
what kind of mental illness do you have, anon?

Anonymous 60758

>>60753
Anxiety and bpd

Anonymous 60778

Had a sudden illness in the street today, the doctor who helped me said I could've died had I not gotten care immediately, and now my girlfriend decided it was a great time to fight with me. I'm so sick of life, girls.

Anonymous 60779

getwellsoon2.gif

>>60778
that's so horrible, anon. i've been there. please tell her to stop being selfish. i would tell her myself for you if i could! that's really cruel, of all the times to fight, for her to do it when you're this ill…

Anonymous 60782

I'm trying to come to terms with the fact I'm bisexual and it's hard for me. I've only been into women my entire life and now I have feelings for a boy.

Anonymous 60806

872dcb8a1a6cb7498e…

I'm getting so fat, it's a meme. Pretty sure I cracked my highest weight. My weight fluctuates, so I'm usually confident that I'll lose it again but I feel like I jinxed it recently.

Anonymous 60810

1517500882367.png

i'm really nervous miners. my gf of 3 months is moving in with me 11 days from now. i feel like we rushed things but i love her so much, but we're both kind of autistic and terrible at being adults so i'm worried that we'll fight a lot or get really frustrated with each other and fuck things up. every second without her feels like torture, i want her more than anything but at the same time i have no idea how i'll talk to her when she's in front of me at the airport
there's so many things that could go wrong, i'm really bad at expressing my emotions and letting people in due to trauma and she's really emotional and i can barely speak english (her first language) and she can barely speak spanish (my first language) and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa i don't know . i want everything to turn out ok but still i'm so nervous
i don't know if i believe in soulmates but i can definitely see myself spending the rest of my life with her happily, that is if we can overcome our problems

Anonymous 60813

>>60810
This is so exciting anon! Don't worry about it for now and just take things one step at a time. You'll have to figure out the more "technical" stuff first (cleaning, chores, language, etc.) Your english grammar sounds very good so don't worry about your accent and make an effort to speak it. You can worry about the emotional communication stuff once you've settled in.

Anonymous 60819

1625169604583.gif

My blood pressure is so low today I had to leave a shop to go home because of how faint and nauseous I feel. I'm not even old or have any eds, but it's still like that, and it can't be treated like high blood pressure can.

Anonymous 60820

>>60819
I get the same fainting spells due to low blood pressure. I found they eased off when I started going on regular walks, kinda like training myself to go further distances. Hope you feel better soon ~

Anonymous 60821

>>60819
Have you ever got your iron checked?

Anonymous 60823

>>60813
>just take things one step at a time
ahhhh you're right. we'll figure things out together
>This is so exciting anon!
i knowwww she's coming to my country and i wanna do so many things with her, emotional stuff aside i think it'll be really fun teaching a foreigner all the customs and traditions we have here and showing her around

Anonymous 60825

>>60819
Start taking multivitamins including iron. You can raise your blood pressure by drinking plenty water and consuming drinks containing caffeine or salty food like crackers.

Anonymous 60826

>me at 12: I want a bf but I hate men
>me at 18: I want a bf but I hate men
>me at 30: I want a bf but I hate men

Anonymous 60829

D36E0E39-1AB6-4698…

>>60826
>me at 10: i don't want a bf but men are cool
>me at 13: i don't want a bf and I hate men
>me at 16: i want a bf but men don't want me
>me at 20: i want a bf but i hate men

Anonymous 60844

>>60810
>my gf of 3 months is moving in with me 11 days from now. i feel like we rushed things
don't worry anon, you wouldn't be gay if you didn't

Anonymous 60862

jnv1.jpeg

My ex has/had some really depraved kinks, and he basically made me pander to them early on when we were together. I went full retard and accidentally got into them after repeated experiences. Lately, he's been trying to work his way out of those interests and improve, and he has no clue I've actually been getting worse. I can ignore the thoughts for a while, but they always come back, and I literally can't get off without them anymore. It's not even porn. These are all just thoughts in my own head, and I feel like that makes it worse.
I want to explore those things with him again, but I don't want to turn him back into that person. He keeps letting me know that he wants to have sex again, but I'm scared I'll start pushing things in really bad directions if I give in.
I'm really tempted to just get with some other guy who has extremely fucked up fetishes, to the point where there's absolutely no hope for him and no saving him. That way, I can just let everything out on him guilt-free (besides the self-loathing, I mean). The thing is, I can't help but think that hypothetical situation would just end badly for me too, somehow. I don't know what the fuck to do. Everything I find seems to be about porn addiction, but this isn't porn. It's my own decrepit brain. I hate this.

Anonymous 60865

I literally cannot stay away from any of my devices. I spent all day either on a screen or day dreaming in my own head. I have to seriously put a lot of work into creating an environment in which work can be completed. I often feel my head is just too scrambled and I'm better off dead or at least becoming a NEET since I struggle to do such small pathetic tasks.

Anonymous 60867

>>60862
Don't go putting yourself in a dangerous position and try to challenge your thoughts as much as you can to get past them. We can alter how we think with time and effort anon so good luck.
>>60865
i'm a neety neet neet.
are you just getting distracted? depends how far gone you are but doing a dopamine detox helps some people. this NEETY anon found it did not halp at allz though.

what is wrong with having fun though? i spend allz my dayz with the music and anime.
become a NEET! you won't feel any better and maybe feel worse!

Anonymous 60868

>>60862
what are the kinks?

bdsm stuff?

Also since he's not aware you're into it, maybe he's lying about being over it lol.

Anonymous 60874

>>60844
true…

Anonymous 60883

>>60862
jesus. what are they?

Anonymous 60909

I got dropped for being ugly again. I know I’m not a model. I don’t need to be reminded. Why are moids so cruel?

Anonymous 60910

tenor (1).gif

>>60909
i'm sorry, anon.

Anonymous 60911

>>60909
if he dropped you because of being "ugly" he was never worth being with.. hope you can move on. the world is cruel

Anonymous 60919

Seen on /meta/ that an old friend was looking for me so thought I would post my contact for them here as doubt they would check on their meta thread.

[email protected]
anon here! (sorry mods if against rules please don't ban me)

Anonymous 60930

trentinospring.jpg

I've lived in this town for almost a year now and still have no friends. Fucking covid, but also there isn't a big artistic scene here. I don't know where to find other women who aren't just into barhopping and hiking and floating down the damn river all day in a stupid inner tube.

Anonymous 60931

I wish this site was more active

Anonymous 60933

>>60930
Me too anon, I moved 3 years ago, made a single acquaintance, no friends. It's so bleak. I love this little town but I'm so lonely.

Anonymous 60934

>>60744
All male dating coaches and experts teach the idea that it's a feminine trait to seek commitment. Men get taught to wait for the woman to come up with the "what are we?" talk. If a man brings it up, he appears to be insecure and controlling.

Since guys consume such dating coach content, he is more likely to follow this structure of thinking, and it would be your task to ask him about your status.

Anonymous 60983

>>60931
same, i fucking hate 4chan i only use it because i get replies way faster

Anonymous 60984

>>60930
>hiking and floating down the damn river all day in a stupid inner tube.
sounds comfy tbh.

Anonymous 60987

f5753870a40ccef114…

I accidentally sent a text message to the guy who fixes my internet saying "hey [girl's name] at what time should I come over tomorrow" and despite knowing it was a mistake he still replied with "whenever you want" and added a kissing emoji. This guy is much older than me and is married with kids. But I have to put up with his gross comments or I don't get my internet fixed.

Any europoors know if this happens a lot in Europe too? I'll be moving there soon so it would be nice if it were less common.

Anonymous 60993

D559BD7D-0838-48F4…

>>60987
So I’m married and this is gross.
I would so want someone to tell me if my husband was being a totally fucking creep. Not only for their sake but for mine, too.
Do you have his wife’s number of something?
Like anybody else to fix your internet?
Does he work for a company?

Anonymous 60995

>>60987
Also I’m in Europe (Germany specifically) and more men leer at me then when I was living in the states so there’s that.
But then again Germans stare at everybody so take that with a grain of salt.

Anonymous 61001

>>60995
What is it like in Germany compared to the States? And what made you move, if I may ask?

Anonymous 61005

Should I date this moid?
He’s really sweet and into me but he really doesn’t make much money and he’s the same height as me. He’s also not great in bed compared to all the other guys I’ve been with but he’s the only one I’ve slept with that actually wants something more.. he also has mommy issues. Idk if I should try to start a relationship with him or not

Anonymous 61006

>>61005
mommy issues is the only problem there. if you met him on 4chan, automatic no. only mentioning this because you guys seem to meet men on 4chan a lot.

Anonymous 61008

>>61006
I met him through work friends. The mommy issues aren’t that bad and I have daddy issues too anyways. He’s great but I hate being seen in public with a 5’7 guy

Anonymous 61012

>>61008
Why? If you like him, who cares?
Strangers' opinions are worthless. No one will assault you on the street for being the same height as your boyfriend.

Anonymous 61015

>>61001
It’s nice. There are pros and cons to every place I’ve lived. I’ve moved around a lot. I lived in Japan for ten years growing up then back in the US (all over) and now Germany.
We moved here for work.
I like how quiet people are here in Germany. It reminds me a lot of Japan. While Germans can definitely get rowdy (Oktoberfest is insanity) most of the time people are very quiet.
You can tell who is American just by how loud they are.
But that’s only if they’re speaking English.
Because there are some other Europeans that are pretty freakin loud like Americans are lol
I digress.
The food is spectacular but the only thing I miss is Mexican food and other Latino and Hispanic food. That is non existent here.
But they have almost everything else.
I also miss southern American style comfort food/soul food, like corn bread and pulled pork.
The population density was the most shocking really. There are just so many people everywhere.
And while I love love Europe, it’s just so crowded. Everywhere. That’s not a bad thing mind you. It’s just a thing.

And while it doesn’t feel like it in some places because of infrastructure and how villages are set up, it still was a pretty big culture shock.
While I enjoy visiting cities, I couldn’t live in one. I’ve also spent a lot of time in semi-rural areas where compared to European standards are desolate. Massive wide open spaces. You can see it on google maps.
When you get used to these wide open spaces, especially out west (not the west coast though) you come here and it’s almost like people are living on top of each other. Again, that’s not a bad thing or a criticism.

But other than that, I love it. Mind you it’s not that I don’t like European cities; I love them. Art museums are my jam. I just am not a city person in general. Too much noise gives me anxiety.

However, all the different countries just within short distance of each other is fantastic. The cultures are all so different and the continental US states don’t have that.

It’s really comparing apples to oranges honestly.

Anonymous 61018

I saw a dream last night about being in a relationship, and it really ruined my day.
Reason is, I don’t think I’ll ever find a gf (I’m lesbian).
Everytime I think I might have a chance, I get ghosted again.
I never ghost anyone, and I feel awful when ladies string me along for weeks to months before giving up and ghosting on me for good, and I’m sure I reek of desperation because of it.
First the messages get longer and longer, and then she messages more and more rarely before ghosting for good.
Not that it matters. Nothing I do matters. Who cares anymore.
I just want to stop clinging to the delusion that someone will love me one day. The delusion that someone will lay a compassionate gaze upon me, and melt in my embrace. It hurts so much.

Anonymous 61019

>>61015
>>61001

When you said "we", do you mean you and your family or you and your partner?

I knew a guy who moved to Japan, because of his dad's job. He never learnt the language, despite living there for several years and felt left out because of it.

And yea, Germans are loud, especially after drinking their beloved beer. Always a great experience to be on public transport, when some soccer match takes place.

As a German, I got to say that there are some places I know that offer Mexican food, at least in large cities in the west. Although most of the food is Turkish here.

The population part is surprising, I thought Americans are used to crowded places. When I think of America, I have all those big cities in mind, which have a much higher population than any German city. But I guess that America is much more than its metropolitan areas, as you said. I wish I can go and live in the US at some point in my life, maybe I could get the opportunity through a job. I've tried to apply for diversity visa, but wasn't chosen in the lottery. I've seen YouTube videos of Texas Germans in small towns, with the old people still speaking German. Would be so cool to explore those places. In general, I believe the US has a lot of different places to explore, from cities to nature and people.

What's also funny to me, you've mentioned that everything is so close to each other. When you're German and you're used to it, you don't really pay attention to that / have a different perspective on it. For Americans it's probably a short ride to drive for 4 hours, while Germans see it as a larger time investment, if that makes sense.

In which area of Germany are you anyway?

Anonymous 61021

79166518_XS.jpg

How do you all deal with curt and rude-ish employees who make you feel dumb for asking questions? Yeah, maybe my questions were pointless but I neither shouted at him or made a scene like some Karen. What's wrong with wanting to know more about a product I bought? Why did he seem so rude but his female colleague was nice?

This is why I usually don't go back to a store to clarify stuff, to avoid situations like this one.
I don't know what came over me today. I don't want to go outside anymore.

Anonymous 61029

>>61019
Yeah my family and now my spouse.

We tried some Mexican since being here but after living in Colorado it was um…edible? lol but the Turkish food is wowoowowoowow it fills the spot that Mexican food has left lol yufkas doner kebabs are just Turkish burritos and I love them lol
When I moved from the east coast to Colorado, my spouse and I drove and it took like 3 days of driving about 8 hours a day. It was pretty hardcore.

Denver and other big cities in the US are similar in terms of how crowded it “feels”.
But the infrastructure here in Europe is so much better.

Suburbs in the US are awful. But outside of the suburban nightmare and glaring problems the US has (but all countries have their problems some more than others except places like N Korea they’re just all bad-the government not the ppl), the US is a massive country. While there isn’t many different cultures per se, it’s the untouched wild nature that is fantastic.
Also, small towns can be so interesting (creepy) and fascinating depending on where you are in the country.

Anyways that all leads me to ask do you work in tech? If you work in a field that is eligible for visa maybe that could work outside of diversity visa?

I’m in Rheinland-Pfalz, you?

Anonymous 61031

>>61021
Well if he was being a jerk or an employee is being a jerk I say sorry for bother you and ask a different employee.

Anonymous 61052

>>61021
Don't get this obsession with not "being a Karen" when employees treat you like shit.

Anonymous 61053

im strongly considering alcoholism or drug use just to feel something. i love being drunk alone in my room vibing to music or a movie and enjoying being in my own head in that state. my life is literally unbearable sober and i wish i could be drunk all the time

Anonymous 61060

IMG_20200702_14155…

>>61029

Glad you enjoy Turkish food, as it's basically ubiquitous here, so there's no way that you run out of it haha. I cannot judge how good the Mexican food here is, since I assume you guys had the "original" stuff in the US, but I liked what I had so far.

The longest trips I had were during my exchange semester in Russia. Had my own bed in a 2 day train trip to Saint Petersburg and it felt like a world tour, because I'm used to 3h trips max from living in Germany.

About the infrastructure, better in what way? I heard that public transport is basically non-existent in the US, as you mostly rely on your car to move around.

No, please don't destroy my dream about America's suburbs haha. In my imagination it's a paradise, with a nice community to feel at home with.

Undeniably, the nature is unbelievably beautiful from what I've seen on the internet so far. This also comes from the fact that America has multiple climate zones, making for a very diverse nature.

I'm about to be finished with my information systems degree and got a job secured in external information systems auditing, so it's basically tech in a business context. What industry are you in?

From my point of view, I just think about the US migration system as being "survival of the fittest", where only the best are chosen based on the usefulness of their skillsets for the country. And I wouldn't consider myself to be "best", compared to other talented people from around the world, who also want to migrate.

Funny that you mention Rheinland-Pfalz. My first suggestion for you would've been to visit the city of Trier, as it's not as large, but surrounded by beautiful nature and has old Roman architecture, such as the Porta Nigra. I'm from Nordrhein-Westfalen.

If you have any questions specific to issues in Germany, you can also feel free to ask.

Anonymous 61063

>>61060
>About the infrastructure, better in what way? I heard that public transport is basically non-existent in the US, as you mostly rely on your car to move around.
NTA, but the most apparent issue is that outside some very specific cities, public transit is non-existent. You have a car or you have a bad time. A lot less obvious is the fact that outside major cities infrastructure is incredibly poorly maintained. In contrast to Germany, for example which has about 2 meters of road per a person, the US has about 20 meters of road per a person. This means US citizens would need to be taxed 10x as much as Germans just to maintain the same level of road quality, obviously, this is not the case. So US roads outside of cities are really fucking shitty.

Anonymous 61069

>>61053
same. i’ve been getting hammered every day for the past week. last night i threw up a little but i was having a lot of fun. vining to music while drunk is top tier.

Anonymous 61072

>>61071
All man should die painfully

Anonymous 61074

>>61073
You cute, where you from?

Anonymous 61075

>>61072
based, men suck desu

Anonymous 61077


Anonymous 61088

CCE234E0-A023-4B89…

>>61060
Saint Petersburg would be amazing! I’ve always loved the buildings. I want to see the Church of the Savior on Spilled Blood before I die.

>>61069 is right about the infrastructure of the US. Even in cities there is hardly any room to walk. I love that European cities have designed areas where pedestrians have designated pedestrians only areas (like shopping districts). It’s amazing (and also more quiet for my poor sensitive overstimulated brain lol).

And you’re right about public transport. If you’re outside of a major metropolitan area and you don’t have a car, you’re basically out of luck as there is almost zero public transport.
When my spouse and I moved to Germany, we were blown away by the European train system.

Really rural areas, like here in Germany (and the rest of Europe) don’t need a robust public transport system. That would really just be a waste of resources. But there is a push for an actual high speed public rail system that is cost friendly to the public. The railway lines are already there but Amtrak is stupid expensive. It’s cheaper to fly. One of the reasons why the US never developed a robust public railway system past the 40s was due to the automobile industry lobby.

Well. Okay. Suburbs. Oof. Welp. There are the ticky-tacky mchousing suburbs that are about 80% of what suburbs are now. That’s the suburban nightmare. No one knows each other. All the houses look the same. The constitution is super crappy for the price you pay. No community.

And then there are neighborhoods. Think areas around main street USA. I lived in a house near walking distance of a downtown once. It was built in the mid 50s. Omg that was a dream. That’s what you want. Not some current suburban idea. The original idea of suburbia. Its called the street car suburbs. It’s always within walking distance (or a bit father depending) of Main Street regardless of if the town has a street car or not. Newer towns don’t really have this but old towns and cities do. They are amazing.

Gah! I’m in Info science! I’m working on my masters degree right now! That’s so awesome that you’re in info systems! Go girls in stem fields!

Yeah I think that’s true about the US immigration system. I’ve looked up other places like Austria and Switzerland and they’re really, really hard to immigrate too as well. If I remember correctly, Switzerland is harder than the US?

Oh Trier is amazing! I don’t think I’ve been to Porta Nigra though. I’ll put that on my list!

Oh I’ve been to Düsseldorf! We went to the Classic Remise, my husband loved it lol

Anonymous 61101

IMG_20190914_16401…

>>61088
Saint Petersburg is the most beautiful place I've been to and since it was my exchange semester, it will probably remain the best experience of my life to have been to Russia.

I can't upload videos unfortunately and there are too many pictures to show as well, but there is so much to see, and so many museums to visit, it's just amazing.

The only thing to keep in mind is the fact that it's still Russia, outside of the historical places, you will find yourself in typical commieblocks. But since I dig the melancholic atmosphere of those places, I actually enjoyed it.

Düsseldorf is decent, has its nice places, but is pretty expensive to live in.

From the point of view of an EU citizen, it actually is pretty easy to migrate to Austria and Switzerland. You would just need to find a job within 6 months I think. But I don't know how difficult it is for people outside of the EU.

Oh, I'll have to look up street car suburbs, thanks for the tip. Growing up, we were not the richest, and many middle-class Germans live in their "Einfamilienhaus" in a nice community, which I always saw as the ideal way to live. So when I saw American suburbs, I projected the idea that it must be what people strive towards.

Speaking of infrastructure, it was so funny to see Russian roads outside the cities. Basically death traps, with the way Russians drive.

Anonymous 61103

IMG_20191219_14175…

This is from the second world war museum, which honors the people of Saint Petersburg for their resistance during the city's blockade. It is one of the hero cities, and close to the museum is the victory park. There's just really too much to tell about that city.

What fascinated me is that there's no hate towards Germans, despite the city's history. I would've assumed people would bring up the past a lot, but all people are happy to talk to Germans, especially if they speak Russian as well.

Anonymous 61117

>>61103
>>61101
That’s so cool.

Sorry I had this huge response typed out but the mods banned me for some reason and I lost my freaking response.

Welp.

I’m really glad we talked anon. I hope you get to visit the US someday at least to see all the Nature!

Anonymous 61125

>>61117
Oh, that sucks.

Thank you, let's see what the future brings.

I hope you and your family have a great time in Germany. Liked our convo too!

Anonymous 61129

She looked cute today with her little Farrah Fawcett hair. Really wanted to rub my cheek on it

Anonymous 61131

My job pays so little I can't even stand it. I make $23/hr in accounting. There are unskilled laborers I run the paychecks of who make $25/hr plus tips. There was a low class woman on the bus who was talking on the phone complaining that she makes $20/hr in retail. My job requires a university degree and previous experience. Every single day at work I'm at the verge of crying at my desk. How can I be expected to live like this? This career used to be a middle class income, now I make the same as cashiers. What the fuck?!?!?!?!?!??!?!!?!? And boomers think everything is just fine and I'm just lazy and entitled.

Anonymous 61132

>>61021
When my coworkers are rude sometimes I think about murdering them and how good it would feel. I distract myself by thinking about anime boys.

idk people should really think twice before being rude to someone needlessly.

Anonymous 61141

>>61131
Where the fuck do you live where retail workers make 20 an hour

Anonymous 61155

>>61141
seriously, where. even in manhattan they're not making this. san fran maybe?

Anonymous 61163

>>61141
I heard Wal-Mart is offering that now where I live (Rocky mountain area) because COVID has made them so understaffed. The inflation is going to be so bad.

Anonymous 61170

b772d03d8bcb2717f0…

I'm trying to get in contact with my family again.

My biological mother was a drug addict that neglected me and made me watch porn when I was a toddler. I have so little respect for her that I'm legally changing my name since I was named after her. I have not seen her or the rest of her family since I was a toddler.

I want to meet the rest of my family but not her… I know it wasn't my aunts and uncles fault, and especially not my cousin's, so I want to spend a few days with them sometime. How do you do that? I was briefly in contact with my aunt but she didn't respond to my email. I'm in contact with my great uncle too and he is a very good man, but he is also separated from the rest of the family.

I'm scared I'll finally meet my aunts and uncles, then my biological mother will find out, and have some sort of breakdown after discovering I never want to meet her. It is a traumatic thing to lose a child, but it's not worth putting my trauma aside. I dunno.

Anonymous 61215

EwE5FutXEAM8MYA.pn…

Should I leave my current job after 3 months there miners ?
It pays awfully (25% below market rate) and the management is retarded and keeps yeeting people around (including me) at whatever project strikes their fancy this month.

But something that bothers me even more is the absolute lack of technical skills in the entire company. The projects I work on are really basic, and yet the people there don't seem to have a good grasp of hiw things work. I was hoping to find a mentor of sorts to grow my skills when I joined, but that is obviously not happening. There is also pretty much no hope of advancement in the company, if it even stays alive (It's a startup if you hadn't guessed by now.)

I have lost all motivation to work for them, and just do the absolute bare minimum, which takes me one hour a day. I can't really muster the strength to work more anyways.

There's also the fact that the management has been putting pressure on people to work at night for basically no pay. I refused obviously, and I will never budge on this, but some of my colleagues have succumbed.

The only things that might make me want to stay are the fact that it's a remote position and that I can pretty much just work 5~10 hours a week without anyone noticing anything. Also the fear of unemployment, and having to find another job. I imagine leaving after 3 months would not look good on my resume.

I know the ideal solution is to work there until I find anothrr job, but I have to decide whether to leave or sign a contract which will prevent me from quitting for the next 5 months. I also have zero energy to look for a job while also working this one.

Please offer me your wisdom wise cafe-goers

Anonymous 61217

>>61215
From your post it doesn't sound like you have another job offer available. I would recommend you prepare your resume, start applying to other places immediately, and after you have some offers for other jobs, threaten to leave the company if you don't get a raise of promoted. You should have a fully articulated argument for how it benefit your boss to either give you a raise or promote you, and a set of consequences for you leaving (what you support on your project, why what you do is important). If your boss promotes you, A grade, looks fantastic on your resume and maybe it will convince you to stay, boss says no? Walk away, he can't stop you.

This of course assumes you have the other job, you can try and be this ballsy without the other job prospect, and it can work, but you have to be prepared to be jobless to bargain from a position of strength.

Anonymous 61218

>>61215
I think your reasons to stay are enough for 5 more months. If I were in your position, paranoia about the delta variant snowballing into a big deal would make me want to stick it out at a remote job a little while longer.

The lack of a mentor/growth is troubling, is this the kind of gig where you could be working on certifications on the side (or even on company time, given nobody notices your 10 hour weeks)?

Anonymous 61219

>>61217

I don't really want to extort them. I'm doing very small amounts of work and honestly I can't muster up the will to do more for them. The company is run by idiots, like I said.

I do not have another offer lined up, but I did not have the strength to search for another job while I was on this one. However, I do not mind being jobless for a few months. I am simply worried that leaving this early will make me unemployable.

Your strategy is sound, however if I choose to stay, I have to sign a contract which states I can't leave of my own accord for the next 5 months (have to get employer's agreement, which they're never going to give me, or do a no-show and wait to be fired). I'd basically be locked in for 5 months if I chose to continue, which is a long time to spend in this mess of a company, hence why I am so torn up over this.

Anonymous 61220

>>61218

It's not really the kind of job where certifications are involved, but I could certainly work on personal projects on company time.

The thing is, this job just sucks the life from me. Sounds paradoxical, given how little I actually do, and I can't actually explain why, but at the end of the day I just don't have the will to do anything.
I suppose it's similar to what happens to people who experience brown-out.

Anonymous 61221

>>61220
I understand, especially the unique agony of having superiors that are just braindead. You mentioned in a different comment you'd be okay being jobless for a few months, so I'd bounce. Enjoy the rest of your summer!

Anonymous 61223

I don't know why I'm getting my hopes up
This will fail just like everything else. I'm not meant to do this. My art is bad and no one wants to read what I have to say. It's silly to dream if you're me

Anonymous 61232

I feel like shit. That's all.

Anonymous 61243

My bf refuses to share a bathroom with me
at first he tried to organize my stuff for me in an attempt to keep the bathroom tidy, but I'd have trouble finding things so I asked him to stop that, eventually he just stopped and moved all his stuff to the guest bathroom
I know I'm kind of in the wrong here, but I don't know, I'm kind of miffed despite knowing that I really shouldn't be.

Anonymous 61251

>>61243
Sharing a bathroom is not only horrible but also disgusting. I wish my bf was like that.

Anonymous 61253

>>61243
You are the one at fault here. You are miffed because your boyfriend has a higher standard than you, and you are being judged by that standard. Your options are to improve or to keep mulling over those feelings as your inadequacies are reflected onto you. Is it that important? No, but you're the one posting about it, so obviously it's that important to you.

Anonymous 61254

I wish I could be so much more grateful for my life. I often sit in despair wanting to push for more, while wanting to sit down and be more happy with the small stuff. It's like an emotional rollercoaster sometimes.

Anonymous 61257

>>61251
Stupid. I’m married and my husband and I share a bathroom. Growing up my brother and I shared a bathroom.
Just don’t shit in the bathroom and if you do don’t keep your toothbrush in there or lower the lid on the toilet bowl.
>>61243
I mean it’s really not that big of a deal but if you're that bothered by it, >>61253 is right.

Anonymous 61289

so i've picked up a new hobby and i already want to drop it, i get bored easily. i can't commit to anything lol.

Anonymous 61298

I'm thinking of dating a boy but I feel like a total creep.

For context I was a stupid teen and was in 3 different situations where I let older men do creepy things. When I was 16 a guy tried to groom me then introduced me to 4chan and shit. At 17 my first boyfriend had graduated high school already and I was in junior year. 2nd boyfriend was 8 years older and a straight up pedophile wannabe, but I had just turn 18 so I thought it was ok. Both of them cheated on me and made me do weird stuff sexually that I wasn't comfortable with.

Now I'm 20 and the guy I'm interested in is 18 and is graduating high school this Summer. He has to do some late learning program to graduate because he moved here from another country. I don't want him to feel like I manipulated him into it or anything. Should I just go find someone else?

Anonymous 61306

>>61298
he is an adult, and I assume you have no plans to manipulate or abuse him, so just go for it.

Anonymous 61319

cakee.gif

I'm 1kg away from quitting all my diet and exercise plans and start treating myself with ice-cream and chocolate again as a consolation for my previous life choices. I would spend the whole summer watching Grey's Anatomy (which youtube recommended me) or rewatching SATC if I could. I have 2 weeks to look decent to a small holiday I will spend in a place with a pool, where I will be seen wearing a bikini or short dresses.

Anonymous 61325

>>61289
fucking same, I can't pick up the one thing and continue with it

Anonymous 61334

>>61298
Date him, you seem way to empathic to manipulate anyone.
But be aware that he could still try to manipulate you.

Anonymous 61349

Everyone is against me today
God just fuck them all don't they realize they're the only things keeping me here and how bad I need someone to comfort me and tell me it's okay. I don't need someone to give me tough love. All I ever had was tough love. Fuck all these shitty people. They all want me to die. If this day happened to me a couple months ago maybe I'd be a meat pancake. But I have something to live for now. I have the tiniest sliver of hope that things might get better. So fuck all of them I am going to keep trying. If this doesn't work then I'll kill myself but until then I will keep going to spite them.

Anonymous 61353

>>61349
Okay I think I'm fine now I'm a rock in the sewer all this bullshit just flows around me. Ommmm

Anonymous 61375

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I miss my mom. My parents relocated across the country when my dad got a promotion and I feel guilty about only missing my mom and not my dad.
Moms are just better than dads.

My dad only ever knew how to show affection by buying me things because he was always working or traveling for work. He would work during family vacations, and he was always on his work email for something no matter where he was.
I see one of my male co-workers doing the same thing and it makes me sad. His daughter is going to end up with daddy issues like me if he keeps it up.

I also kind of hate myself for doing the same thing though, so I'm not one to talk. If I had a work phone with my work email on it, I'd likely also always be doing work too.

There's no way I can have kids with the way I am and expect them to come out okay, the earth is dying anyway so they won't even have a habitable planet to live on.

I wish my dad would have just turned down the promotion so I could see my mom more.

Anonymous 61395

>>61375
do you have younger siblings? or does he give you financial support? If I no longer had kids to provide for I don't think I'd accept a promotion, I'd value time with my kids instead. That's just me though, some people actually like working I think.

Anonymous 61418

I keep getting these images in my mind of me shooting myself in the head and all of my thoughts are about how useless I am and how my life is going nowhere. I don't know why

Anonymous 61429

>>61395
I'm the youngest and all my siblings are self sufficient. The man is just a workaholic who doesn't want to retire. He has more than enough wealth to live more than comfortably for the remainder of his life.
He doesn't know how to not work, I would much rather have a father than an inheritance

Anonymous 61453

GODS PLAN.jpg

i'm always worried my friends will get tired of my shit and secretly dislike my company

Anonymous 61461

I get stressed over minor things, my brain goes a bit scrambly.

If someone is on the phone to me I have to listen very carefully and make sure they relay instructions to me slowly. Then if I have time schedules to meet I have to think about how I get there and what time I leave and if my dog is alone in the house aaaaaaaa

Anonymous 61476

>>61453
Me too
It just kind of got worse and worse for me and now I'm half crazy from it and friendless
I would say nip it in the bud if you can

Anonymous 61497

I don't get why my ex sent me this.
https://www.youtube.com/embed/rptLcA0E4ps

Is he saying he regrets tossing me aside like trash for not being attractive enough or was the time we spent so worthless he laments that the memories like this he made don't "count"? Right up to the fake smiles and pretending I don't feel dead inside part. Sometimes I question why I'm still friends with someone who is either too much of a coward to be honest about his regrets or is such a moron he unironically thinks it's possible to try to keep some kind of FWB relationship with an ex and not make her grow to resent him. Moids perplex me and I wish I wasn't so spineless and considerate of a person who clearly doesn't consider me even half as much. At least I can think of every excuse under the sun to not give him the "benefits" he seems to want all the time I guess.

Anonymous 61498

>>61418
You're depressed and need to talk to a shrink.

Anonymous 61499

>>61298
It's just a two year age difference, anon. I'd say go for it but if it bothers you then cut your losses and move on.

Anonymous 61500

>>61418
Well, do you have any counter-evidence that your life is indeed going somewhere?

Anonymous 61501

I'm in the midst of an identity crisis and it's fucking killing me.

Anonymous 61502

giphy.gif

lol I hate myself

Anonymous 61503

>>61501
What is your identity?

Anonymous 61505

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>>61476
yeah, even being a situation where you have paranoia is favourable from being a total loner

Anonymous 61511

I have no one to talk to but I don't want to post online where there are trolls lurking. Sad. I should start writing in a diary.

Anonymous 61515

catgoHRBJLR.jpeg

Last night at approximately 11:30 I vomited on my mom's work bag, it's like a fabric suitcase that carries files and her laptop.

So I HURBURLURBLRLRLR over the mirror, the floor, my sleeve and this work bag, and I managed to wipe it off everything BUT the bag, and there's white stuff in the zipper parts. She hasn't noticed it yet, but I think it's going to smell soon, and then I may have to tell her, but she might get angry. But I had to wipe quickly because she makes me go to bed at 10:30 normally, I'm not allowed to be downstairs past then. So I had to leave it after so many attempts to wipe it. I hope she doesn't find out.

Anonymous 61516

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>>61515
How old are you anon? Why do you have a bedtime?
Also, that sucks. Having an upset stomach and vomiting all over the place is bad enough as it is, but having people get mad at you for it is the worst.

Anonymous 61517


Anonymous 61521

>>61516
I'm 18 but it was for high school so I would wake up in time (im done now) but now it's summer the sun rises early so my mother rises early too due to the light so I have to be silent after 10:30.
Also thank you queen, I'm fine now but it's sweet of you to understand the pain of vomiting on everything lol

Anonymous 61524

efa1ef487daef94922…

>>61522
That's a pretty good idea. I don't think I can take the zipper part off, but she's going out this evening, so I can take all her things out the bag, submerge the bag in the bath, and then dry it with a hairdryer. Thank you anon, I think this could work.

Anonymous 61528

stickman_sad.png

Since leaving school I've been quite lonely. I've become such a shut in and engaged in unsociable hobbies that aren't very productive. I have a few contacts but I fantasise about meeting new people all the time or atleast getting the chance to gain one true friend I can be clingy with. The weather's been so nice lately and I wish I had was enjoying it with someone. I'm even more bummed out I didn't pick up a part time job when I was younger so I could at least have some co-workers in my life.

Man, I just want to enjoy the rare bit of sunshine we get. And a hug.

Anonymous 61529

>>61429
>I would much rather have a father than an inheritance
a tale as old as time

Anonymous 61531

ab657d3e7e2b04b785…

>get a full time job at a furniture store
>it fucking sucks and i hate it
>capitalism has made it so that it's either slaving away or not affording neccessities
AAAA I just want to be a neet forever

Anonymous 61542

2p6ad9.jpg

>>61528
I get it and I'm so sorry you aren't feeling so happy because of it. I don't know if by leaving school you're a graduated senior from hs (bc same if so), but I dislike the lack of structure and never appreciated how easy it was to talk to people my age when I was at school. And yeah, I talked to lots of people, but was never close with anyone.

If I had one true friend it would be a lot easier. I'm tired of going out by myself in this nice weather, it feels pointless by myself. This is the worst age to be a loser lol. (but a sad, acquiescent lol i mean). I hope you get a friend. The fact that many other people feel this way probably means you have some opportunity to make one.

Anonymous 61555

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I was cyberstalking my friend's friend because I'm a madwoman, and I think I accidentally found out my friend is a certified piece of shit.

The Friend's-friend posted about an abusive ex and detailed some horrid shit he did. Now, I have no proof it's my friend - I've never met friend's-friend and he allegedly wasn't dating her when I asked if she was his gf. But I did notice they had a falling out last year and mutual friends of theirs also unfollowed him.

Since I don't actually know anyone in this group it could definitely be someone else and the drama with my friend was separate, but it doesn't look great. I really thought they were dating before I asked and he could just have lied lmao.
He's always been overly kind with me (as nice as a man can be) and even the opposite of shit this bf did to friend's-friend. I'd assume he'd do this specific shit to every woman but who knows. Some men lose their morals only when dating a woman.

Just feels bad to stay his bro if he's abused women. But I also don't know if it's him and can't ask directly because it would out me as a weirdo. I'll have to covertly ask about her or befriend her friends or something.

Anonymous 61558

>>61555
You sound like you have paranoia.

Anonymous 61564

>>61497
You're probably overthinking things.

Anonymous 61575

My boyfriend plays with toys
He orders these new beyblades from japan and is obsessed with them, I don't know what to think
I guess I can kind of understand, they are pretty interesting, but still…

Anonymous 61582

>>61575
He has a hobby, just let him have the hobby. It's not like he's decorating the house with beyblade merchandise right? He's not asking you to fuck on the beyblade bed?

Anonymous 61584

>>61582
I guess I am just fishing for validation, I know it's not uncommon for them to have hobbies that don't "fit their age".

Anonymous 61585

>>61584
tons of people have hobbies and interests that don't "fit their age", and that's just fine. the question is how much it intrudes on normal life. if it becomes an extremely expensive hobby you're uncomfortable with the cost of, or if he wants to play with beyblades rather than working when necessary or tending to his responsibilities, or if he's turning the house into a beyblade shrine, it can be troubling.

ultimately, you aren't forced to stay with someone who has an obsession with tops though if you don't want to. it's whatever you're comfortable with. it can be normal, people like kids toys for reasons, but it is a pretty stupid toy imho.

Anonymous 61586

>>61585
my insecurities got the better of me I guess
he's been trying to get me into them as well, and it's actually fascinating the things they can do these days
I guess they have to innovate to survive in a market when kids can just go play the latest F2P game on their phone.

Anonymous 61587

>>61586
>and it's actually fascinating the things they can do these days
what do they do?

Anonymous 61589

>>61587
they have these tiny mechanisms that transform mid fight now, saw a few tops that'd suddenly speed up mid fight and it's like something out of an anime
they even got motorized ones now that give an extra boost in speed or make the tops spin the other way mid fight.

Anonymous 61593

>>61558
Maybe?
For a side note, I don't stalk his friends to learn about him. I do it to get social needs met without having to meet and be judged by them. They all seem like cool people who party and shit, which is interesting to observe but not desirable in my life. And vice versa; I understand I am a wet blanket to such people.

I just like this friend a lot and it would be sad if he was awful.

Anonymous 61623

There's oreo cheescake in the fridge right know. It would be very inconvenient for me to eat it since I'm not doing exercise regularly and I've actually gained some weight. I've tried to talk about my circulatory problems with my mother but she laughs at me, just like she didn't care about my first stretch marks when I was a preteen. On top of that, my sister is the one who made the cake and she is skinny as fuck (eats very small portions) and she will likely won't taste her fucking cake. I feel like she's trying to ridicule me for telling her calmly the other day why I don't like her at all and why I don't have to work on ''our relationship'' because she's been a childish bitch since I was born and still is.

Anonymous 61624


Anonymous 61635

>>61623
Don't eat the cake, just drink a ton of water or tea. If you're doing it to fill a void, don't, you'll never feel enough if it's an emotional hole. Yeah, it's a poopy thing of her to do.

I don't know why you dislike your sister. It can be worth it to make small steps to get on better, but maybe she's unreasonable.

Anonymous 61639

>>61623
Eat it

Anonymous 61645

I don't thimk I can keep going. I just don't see any reason. I live in a shitty country where you earn like 1% of what you normally make in any normal country. Even third world countries earn way more. My family has a lot of debts, my mom can't keep working and they're doing everything they can to help me study but I'm not good enough at anything. They've sold a lot of things to pay for my education, but I keep failing in all my classes and they don't know about it. I feel like the biggest piece of shit. Today I've been crying all day because they sent me my grades and they are awful again, but my parents think I'm doing great because I've always been the good daugther, because I used to be the smart child who helped their parents and I never gave them a reason for not to trust in me, because I'm too scared of how they'll feel when they know that I'm a failure. They believe me everything and that hurts even more, because I know they love me, I know they work hard to give me a chance for my future. They want me to finish my education and find me a way to leave this shithole, but I can't make it. I honestly try, but I just can't focus on studying, I can't remember the dates, I can't do anything. Sometimes when I'm trying to study I just end up crying because I feel so stupid for not being able to understand anything.
I guess I could try to be honest with them and accept my life working in a shitty job for the rest of my life, but I don't think I'm capable of keeping a job. I can't focus on anything, even writing this is hard.
I tried talking with an old friend which I haven't talk in a while because I really needed to talk with someone and she tried to understand, but at the end she just told me "Why don't you try going to therapy?". I wish I could, but we're barely eating, we don't have the money for those things. I don't blame her for not understanding, because she left the country years ago before this turned into a nightmare, but still… I wish someone could hug me and tell me everything is going to okay, but I don't have anyone.
I'm supposed to graduate at the end of the year, so they'll know eventually, but I don't know what to do. My mom will fucking die when she finds out.
I wish I could die tonight while I'm sleeping

Anonymous 61647

>>61635
Thank you, I will take some tea between meals and avoid the sweet sin. Only wished I had some better quality green tea!
As for my relationship with her goes, I'm not comfortable letting her approach me neither I want to be involved in her life at all. I'm pretty sure about the last thing but again thanks for talking to me.
>>61639
>:(

Anonymous 61650

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>>61645
Anon, I'm sorry to hear that, really. Being unable to focus is very familiar to me and it has also affected my studies. Have you always had this difficulty to focus? Has it gotten worst as you grow up? For the last couple years I have felt particulary unfocused and things have now slowly gotten better. My economical situation is not good either (debts,only small spendings allowed, etc). In order to pay my education I've relied on scholarships, those my country gives to students whose parents (in my case my mother, my father is deceased) earn little. This is unrelated to grades, so as far as you pass a certain number of subject you will have the money. Does your country have something similar? I'm assuming you're in your last year of HS so maybe this isn't an option yet, but if by any chance you're in college you could ask for those even if you need to repeat the last year of college, and if you would like to start college next year this is something to bear in mind. I hope you have another chance after summer to do the exams again.
It is extremely important that you fix you attention span. A proper nutrition (iron and B12 are very important for this, also magnesium) is key. I know fancy food and quality fruit, vegetables, fish and meat are expensive, but in summer fruit is very affordable, specially if you buy things from your local area. Meat and fish about to expire usually become cheaper on supermarkets. You could search for some affordable vitamins in a pharmacy. Avoiding bad habits and meditating can help too. And then there's the ''serotoning retriction'' thing, I can't remember the exact name. Is when you cut off spontaneous desires like finding a video on yt, eating random snacks or whatever your gut asks you to do without thinking. It's about learning self control while dedicating all that time to the things you MUST do.
What would you like to do with your life if thing get better? Establishing reasonable goals is a healthy way to approach your future.
I hope something of what I've said is of any help to you.

Anonymous 61664

>>61650
Not the anon you were talking to but this is really good advice. >>61645 I hope you can find a scholarship to get out of the country. Maybe the lack of focus is from emotional stress? Finding things that make you laugh and venting in a diary could help, but your situation isn't one I understand first hand and I'm sorry you're dealing with this much. Also, try reading the questions on the material, and then reading the material. It puts it into perspective and it makes a little more sense. Much love anon.

Anonymous 61673

IMG_6380.jpg

You single-handedly fuel my misogyny, because I’ve never seen a moid who would have the personality of overcooked rice. That said, rice doesn’t make me nauseous, unlike talking to you. You’re like a Sunday school preacher who’s for all the good and against all the bad, except you have an unrealistically low plank for what you consider bad, and the moment i cross it, you start painfully twisting my nipples until you’re tired. You always try to be as inoffensive as chewed crumb, except that you want others to be so, and except that this behavior is sickening. A person doesn’t have to larp as nice and gentle all the time, you aren’t a fucking smurf villager, being straightforward or having some confidence isn’t bad, you castrated sloth. You always act like you have the moral high ground, and when I disagree, that’s when you squeeze your toxic glands and shower me with their goo. You never came across as a big schizo but damn, what the fuck is wrong with you? Why do I have to watch myself with you as if I were talking to my grandma? Also, you’re a shit friend. Knowing someone over the internet doesn’t always equal physical friendships for everyone, but you still pretend I’m some kind of hacker and never share anything personal at all. Like I’ll fucking dox you if you ever reveal your brother’s name. Or anyone’s, really. The only name I know from your life is of your dumb old cat. And whenever there’s a [n imaginary] conflict of interests that puts me on one side and some random fucker on the opposite, you always choose to white-knight the other person and shit on me. Or even when there’s no conflict at all, I am the last to get a piece of your precious normie attention. I get it, we aren’t soulmates, but why do I still have to be the one doing the dirty job of bearing with your toxic niceness and let it slip? If you had at least one vertebra in your spine, you could just tell me you don’t want to be friends. Four years ago, as I was scrolling through that app, I saw a photo of a teen girl who looked like an elementary school librarian. I thought, if I practice with an NPC, it’s still practice. Well fuck. Big mistake. I am tired of trying to open the door to the engaging part of your personality because it seems there’s nothing behind. Fuck you, cunt.

Anonymous 61674

1627134050187.png

wall of text warning.. sorry

I have this online friend I've known for around a year that I feel really close to, a lot closer than most friends I have even IRL and we've shared a lot together. I know what some will think, that it's not real or online friendships can't be real, etc, but he has been a good friend to me.

anyway. we used to talk every single day but in the past two months that has slowed down significantly. part of that is because we both have gotten busier and can't just talk all the time like we used to but another thing is he has been suffering from really bad depression and stress lately. it's gotten to the point where our interactions have grinded to a halt, and it feels like our friendship is basically on pause. I checked up on him two months ago after it had been nearly a week without a word, and he got back to me the same day and we had a conversation about his stress, what he was going through, anxiety, panic attacks, etc. we ended off by saying our good nights and I asked him to check up when he can so I know he's doing well. I cringe at this in retrospect.. he probably felt like I was mommying him. anyway. I got nothing for two weeks and got worried so I messaged again just checking in, he apologized for not saying anything and said that the stress has been making it hard for him to reach out and that he's wanted some alone time. I asked if he wanted to talk about it and he said not really, so we talked about some other stuff until the conversation died. since then, it's been over two weeks now without a word again and I'm feeling that urge to check in again but I feel like such a both. it's something I've done twice now and I just get the vibe that he doesn't want to talk to me right now, but I also really need someone to talk and agh.. I just feel selfish. maybe I am overthinking it and he wouldn't be bothered but it really does feel like that, like he's lost interest in speaking to me and our friendship is fading. the talks slowing down before this big loss of communication between us is what really got me all anxious and worked up I think. idk. I'm just nervous.

what should I do? even just an hour ago I debated sending a message like "it's been a while, how have things been with you?" but something about it feels wrong or like I shouldn't. and I feel like maybe I should wait for him to send something first when he's ready. I know I must sound obsessive and stupid writing all this and trust me I have been trying to keep myself busy and distracted.. work, exercise, reading, hobbies, etc. I just can't help it.

TL;DR: I've had little to no communication with a friend I care deeply about for two months, I've checked in twice with some success but weeks between every interaction, wanting to check in a third time but not sure if it's a good idea or if I should just wait for him to come to me.

Anonymous 61675

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I feel like I've been choosing men over the mere fact they gave me attention and weren't optionally mean to me. Which led me a quite miserable dating life. I'm 18 years old, now, and I've lived 3 awful relationships and one that was pretty much grooming (i was just 15 when he was an adult).

I started my dating life in quite a desperate cry for help in the end of middle school because I craved internet attention to escape the fact other girls bullied me at school. These girls made my childhood and coming of age part of my life awful and made myself deeply misogynistic if not totally hateful towards my female peers.

So here I was dating men for long-term relationships with almost little to no break in-between as a massive cope for my loneliness and these men weren't the most respectful. I was just a bro with a vagina for them because I don't have enough of a feminine aura but have lots of male aura. And this confusion made me believe I was a ftm for quite the long time. While in fact I just need a supportive lady group, because I never got to know one and keep hiding behind a tomboyish style and way of though. I just wish to be feminine.

My mom didn't let me hang out after school with anybody , my mom also refused pajama parties with girls so eventually, my mom made me cut ties with any other girls of my age and totally forbid me to date anyone… Which made me date people in secret and it lead to quite de desastreous result.

I repeat myself by saying that but.. I really wish to be cute, to be elegant, not a femme Fatale but just a cute and elegant girl.. I'm tired of letting myself go, never styling my short hair nor wax or shave because I find it too painful or put make up, i just look like a butch Lesbian when I'm pretty much heterosexual or maybe biscum. Adding to that that I'm still sort of young, I am 18, and i still don't know if I'll go to university or ask for online formations because I'm too afraid of men(i want to study informatics and maths, a mostly masculine field).

I really wish to stop being a tomboy. Tomboys don't attract men, they attract boys that don't want to be anything more than a casual relationship, which I'm not into, because I'm tired of being used as a ladder.

I've seen some publications about how to train your feminine aura but i really come from far far far away I'd need a group to help me out and support me.

Also I do seek therapy but therapies aren't like a friend group, therapy makes you feel heard and cope about the past, a friend group is for present and future. Thank you for reading

Anonymous 61676

>>61675
What’s hard about styling your hair or wearing feminine clothes? I can understand shaving takes time and brings a little pain, but hair and wardrobe are quite easy to fix. Unless you’re curly

Anonymous 61677

>>61676
I have curly hair but not like afro afro, just Mediterranean curly (i have North African genes) and I cut my hair real short the other day out of spite of my womanhood.

Anonymous 61678

>>61677
Do you have curly hair salons where you live? If you’re amerimutt, there’s Deva Curl. They give all kinds of haircuts. I think it’s worth to grow it a little bit, curly hair looks gorgeous when it’s taken care of, the problem is the said care can be tricky.

Anonymous 61679

>>61674
There's nothing wrong with saying hi or checking in. By the sound of it there's not even a potential for it to be annoying since you are speaking so infrequently. If that bothers him it's on him and not you.

Anonymous 61682

>>61675
I don't know about informatics, but my pure math classes were about 30% female. Not too bad compared to other stem fields (my cs/applied math courses were 90-95% male).

Anonymous 61697

>>61675
> I'm 18 years old, now, and I've lived 3 awful relationships and one that was pretty much grooming (i was just 15 when he was an adult).
> my mom made me cut ties with any other girls of my age and totally forbid me to date anyone
Hod did that even happen if she forbid you? Your mother was probably trying to protect you. The other things she forbid you don't make any sense but this… Does she even know you have dated men? Did you sleep with them?

Anonymous 61698

>>61674
Sounds like he found a new female emotional tampon tbqh :/

Anonymous 61699

I feel awful for being such an emotionally and verbally abusive piece of shit to my ex boyfriend. I want to apologise at times but I know I would probably only make things worse. To be fair, I was often on drugs, but that doesn’t excuse it. I don’t even recognise that person I used to be. I feel so much guilt for hurting the poor dude. He didn’t deserve it. It saddens me that I will forever be that abusing bitch in his mind.

Anonymous 61725

>>61697
I could date men when I could make enough plausible lies. I lied to my mom to hang out with with exes, i lost my v card last month because I thought that i could keep a man with sex. And now i hate myself for it because I didn't save my first time for the right one.

Anonymous 61726

>>61699
>I want to apologise at times but I know I would probably only make things worse

Why do you think that

Anonymous 61730

>>61650
Thanks anon. It makes me feel better to know about someone that got better. I was freaking out last night and I still feel sad, but I feel better right now.
I'm in college, but I'm fairly young to be in my last year.
My country has scholarships, but it isn't easy to get one. You need to know someone who works for the government, be a supporter of the main party or be the perfect student. I probably would have more luck looking for someone to pay for my education, because there is plenty of people who help people from my country.
Eating better isn't an option. I don't think I'm eating everything I need, but I don't think what I'm eating is awful.
The serotoning restriction sounds good, I'll read about it.
>>61664
>Maybe the lack of focus is from emotional stress?
Yeah, probably. My mom is sick and my dad works almost 24/7, and I managed to get out from an abussive relationship just when the pandemic was starting. Since then, I've been at home pretty much all the time. The only social interaction I have is with a few internet friends and the rest is just cooking, studying and cleaning.
I was trying to hide how all these makes me feel, but I don't think is helping me at all.

Anonymous 61734

ec88bd09785ae6f9ab…

I feel really alone and rejected. I don't know what to do with myself either in terms of goals and fixing myself. I don't feel passionate about anything. I just feel numb and selfish for existing. I'm pretty sure no one will ever like me or be a genuine friend and it is miserable to come to terms with it.

Anonymous 61735

>>61726
Because I know if someone had acted that way towards me then popped up years later just to say sorry, I probably wouldn’t give them the time of day unless I was sure they really meant it. Idk. I guess I just want to lessen my guilt conscience. But I am genuinely remorseful for it.

Anonymous 61736

1627147648445.jpg

>>61674
I sent something to him. we will see how it goes. tbh at best I'm just expecting a brief conversation and then the same long communication drought to happen again.. and if that is the case then I will just try to cut my losses as best as I can and stop investing but leave the door open to him. that way I stop disappointing myself but he can still come and say something if he wants. but who knows maybe this will go better than I think.. not crossing my fingers tho

Anonymous 61742

>>61735
I’m sure he’d be elated to talk to you again

Anonymous 61743

>>61742
>>61735
I disagree. I wouldn't want someone who may have been emotionally harmful coming out from my past to open old wounds or undo efforts I've made to forget them even if that's not their intention. My thoughts are to let sleeping dogs lie, and make it up to him by never doing it to another person. You can't change the past, you grow from it.

Anonymous 61747

>>61743
Ok but you’re not thinking like a moid

Anonymous 61755

>>61736
You should talk about the state of your communication if you don't want it to become infrequent again. If he's made a pattern out of growing distant from you before, he can probably do it again.

Anonymous 61757

>>61736
As soon as a guy feels like you will orbit him, he gets very arrogant and will pick you up and drop you when he pleases. Ignore him back and I guarantee he will become interested again. Its just how stupid moid brains act. Dont be a doormat, it already sounds like he is using you as an emotional tampon.

Anonymous 61764

>>61734
you just sound boring. get a hobby lol

Anonymous 61768

I'm so tired of our neighbors dragging their kid around our yard every single day and constantly finding excuses for us to entertain the kid or hold or feed or whatever the fuck comes to their mind next. If you weren't prepaired to have a child then they shouldn't have had it. #2 is on the way as well, which is great, ANOTHER kid that'll just get dragged along and need to be taken care of.

It's not like the kid has nothing else to do. They're pretty well of, shower the kid with toys, are basically constantly around him etc. Raising a kid isn't easy, I understand. But I'm not gonna take care of someone else's kid. I should not be expected to drop everything I'm doing at the moment because it feels bored. We all have our lives to live.

Anonymous 61770

My sister wore a low cut top showing her cleavage. Just a simple cute crop top, nothing sexual. And my boyfriend stared at it continuously, so obviously too. he thought he was so discrete. He got a raging boner and tried to hide it. It was so obvious he had one coz he crossed his legs and adjusted his pockets.
Why can’t my boyfriend get boners only for me.
I don’t get wet at the thought of other men. Or gawk and leer at them…
I’m so jealous I don’t know what to do with myself.
Is this a normal thing for men? Thinking about sex when they see a big pair of NOT their girlfriends boobs?

Anonymous 61771

>>61768
I don't understand your wording, do you own where you live or are you living with someone else?

Anonymous 61772

>>61757
I get what you're saying and agree with the idea, and that's essentially what I've been doing anyway although probably not for long enough.. and still thinking about it too much. but one thing I don't agree with is being used as an "emotional tampon". if anything it was me who felt like I was being a user for a lot of the time but I also really just don't think there's anything wrong with discussing those kinds of emotional or heavy things with someone unless it's the only reason you want to keep them around, like the way an attention seeker keeps simps. if the friendship is normal and healthy otherwise though I think it's ok.

Anonymous 61775

366316996146cbda3d…

My college financial aid department is emailing me about how I need to appeal to reinstate my scholarship. And here I am with no idea how I violated the requirements of the scholarship in order to have to reinstate it. My life has been a mess recently and I don't need this nonsense stress on top of it. Fuck.

Anonymous 61776

I don't think I'm as smart as I think I am. I see a strong cognitive decline, maybe the "if you don't use it, you lose it," sentiment. I have let my brain rot to vidya and maladaptive daydreaming. PTSD took over my fucking life, and I was lazy - I didn't get help. I've just deteriorated. Maybe it's imposter syndrome, or because I don't have any external achievements to show for my intellect.

I think I'm unconsciously manipulating people. One of those idiots that appear intelligent on a surface level, but when you analyze the contents of their speech, there's no depth. I think they call that a thought leader. I'm a linguist. I am relatively articulate and eloquent, but a bloody moron who has not accomplished anything in my life. I'm too scared to go to college, because I can't even get out of bed to even make it to my therapy appointments. I have a completely scattered mind, and I can't structure it once so ever. I want to try Adderall, but my psychiatrist is a stupid bitch who is impossible to get in touch with.

Anonymous 61782

1eac601fedf1851e8b…

the only thing I have going for me atm was that I was able to move out of very bad living conditions recently.
other than that
>contracted multiple high-risk HPV strands in a bad relationship a year ago where I was exposed to STDs with my ex's knowledge. this renders me a femcel until I'm recovered and even then I'll have to disclose my history. it's also making me paranoid about spreading the viruses in every day life and generally makes me feel dirty and like a risk to others and I obsess over cleanliness or spreading.
>anti-depressants seem to have no effect anymore which is why attempted quitting them but now I'm tired all day and may have to go back on them still
>I'm in my late twenties and still have nothing to show for it
>avoidant and anxious and lonely, have to fight for my life everyday beating this and it will still take a lifetime of recovery
>my physical and mental health actually makes me a femcel which is hard to digest
>guess it could be worse still

Anonymous 61783

It's alright, it's okay, there's something to live for, jesus told me so

Anonymous 61786

Been thinking about death lately

Anonymous 61787

>>61764
What do you like to do anon.

Anonymous 61799

bad bad not good!

Anonymous 61801

I guess I prefer the Slightly Sweet Twisted Tea to the original. The original one is too sweet and comes dangerously close to being a girly drink.

Anonymous 61827

Dopamine Fasting.j…

>>61730
>>61650
>serotonin restriction
It's dopamine fasting, completely different ballgame, though you both got the message so maybe this doesn't need to be pointed out. image related has the basics of what you abstain from for a week, this is taken from /fit/ so it was built for moids, but the general idea applies if you really want to dry. Just go for a week without the things in red.

Anonymous 61844

I had some notepad files where I vented to myself and wrote down some thoughts, and in them I would occasionally vent about my bf and the things I am unsatisfied with in our relationship. For the record it was for my own catharsis and I would bring things up with him and talk things out, it was just meant for me.

Anyways, he found them. And he read every last one of them. And now he's acting pissy with me and has major passive-aggression and condescension to his tone any time he talks to me now, and he goes out of his way to make little snipes in reference to things I vented about. When I ask to talk about it he says he needs time or brushes it off, and earlier today told me to "go write about it".

I'm really just tired of this. I guess he feels that I went behind his back and have withheld some kind of anger or feelings of resentment or something against him since some of those notepad documents were a little harsh, but again, they were for ME. They were private. He isn't even considering that he went behind my back to look at them, and instead of asking me about any of it or even giving me time lately to talk through it, he just assumes that I'm some vindictive bitch and is choosing to be mad about it. FML. I feel like I'm being gaslit into feeling bad for having feelings that can't be immediately expressed.

Anonymous 61847

>>61844
Dump him

Anonymous 61849

>>61844
How severe were the things in there? Can you honestly say you wouldn't feel angry if you found he was thinking the same things about you? He just found out how you really feel about him, he has the right to be emotional

Anonymous 61851

>>61772
My family owns it yes. We can't stop them from coming because of complicated reasons that I don't really feel like typing out. It just gets really annoying at times.

Anonymous 61852

>>61849
Firstly I wouldn't snoop and invade someone else's privacy like that. And the things in there weren't severe when it comes to the actual issues, it's not like I was writing in there that I thought he was a failure of a man or that I couldn't wait to cheat on him or something. Almost everything I have written there are things that I later brought to him as points of conversation and issues we have worked through together.. sometimes it just starts as something to vent my frustrations about. That's all. What makes it harsh or "severe" sometimes is the level of frustration but I still don't think it was ever THAT bad. But I do understand if he would read it and get his feelings hurt or feel offended, insulted. However, if he just shuts me out and doesn't let me explain anything and assumes I was just being some evil bitch behind his back, how can I ever answer for that or even apologize?

And as I was saying.. almost NONE of this was kept from him. I would say at least 80 to 90 percent of those documents were things we have already covered and talked about, the exception being some newer things. I do get why he is feeling this way but I am upset because he 1. went through my things in a sketchy way and 2. is now making an effort to withhold from me out of spite, and the lack of communication here is making it so I can't even defend myself.

>>61847
I don't want to do extreme like get in a big argument or break it off but it's getting bad.

Anonymous 61853

>>61851
Crap, sorry meant for>>61771

Anonymous 61860

>>61852
>>61852
In that case I would say just give him time. How long ago did this happen? He feels betrayed and isn't in the mental state to listen to you rn but eventually he will.
When you do talk to him I wouldn't get into "you shouldn't have read that in the first place". If it was me I would not want to hear that. I am picturing if I found out my bf was cheating on me and his defense was "Well you weren't supposed to find out." It just has nothing to do with the issue at hand. Just tell him it was a way for you to privately get your thoughts in order before bringing them to him and that it was never meant to be a secret, just workshopping what you wanted to say. It kind of sounds like that's what it was.

Anonymous 61864

>>61851
I don't really understand. I know you don't want to go into details, but in the most general case, if your parents are consenting to allow the neighbors kids in the yard, then just deal or convince them to stop consenting.

Anonymous 61869

>>61860
He found the stuff about a week ago and I have tried talking to him about it off and on, the most recent attempt being just a few days ago. I'm just going to wait for him to talk about it.

I do agree with you that telling him he shouldn't have found it would probably not be the best approach.. BUT, I am still hurt that he invaded my privacy. I don't think I can just leave that unsaid. I won't open with it, though. The main thing here is I want to explain to him what those documents are for, why I said those things, why I sometimes feel I need that catharsis, etc. It feels like a bad case of misunderstanding but I also don't want to make him feel undermined or like he's not heard so I will have to be careful when we do talk about I guess.

Anonymous 61870

>>61869
That is fair, it is reasonable for you to be upset that your privacy was invaded. I think you have a good game plan there.

Anonymous 61871

>>61869
Fucking lol. Women usually holster this shit until their moid is heavily committed, mostly likely married. Then bombard them with all their faults and try to change them. You were dumb enough to write it down.

Anonymous 61872

I found a dimple on my breast today and I am terrified.

Anonymous 61879

>>61844
Same thing happened with me and my ex, except it was him who wrote a bunch of forum posts that he never intended me to see, and I stumbled upon them. Needless to say a lot of the stuff in there was hurtful and upsetting and a bit disturbing. I tried to let it go but like your bf I also couldn’t help making snide remarks at times - yeah it’s immature but it was coming from a place of deep hurt and insecurity, since my bf had been saying similar things about how he wasn’t sure how he really felt about me or whether he saw a future with me, and talking about other women. It pretty much destroyed our relationship and in the end the mistrust and resentment on my side was so strong I couldn’t do it anymore. I wish I could have been more forgiving, but some of the things I read were pretty unforgivable.

Shit happens, everyone says things in private they regret, and I’m sure your bf has said stuff about you too to friends or strangers online, if you’re meant to stay together then you will work through it. If he can’t get over it. And you were venting about how unhappy you were anyway. Maybe you should just break up.

Anonymous 61887

>>61879
what did your ex write that was disturbing?

Anonymous 61888

I think I have a crush on my bfs sister, simply because she resembles him so much. It makes me feel very awkward around her though.

Anonymous 61889

>>61887
>>61879
I would like to know too please.

Anonymous 61898

Im so tired of having no fucking friends.

Anonymous 61905

Every morning when I wake up I feel sick and terrified. Last night I had another night terror and woke up screaming at the top of my lungs. I’m so tired.

Anonymous 61920

Two nights in a row I've dreamed about arguing with my dad. Tonight I dreamed I was angry at him and told him that he's the reason I'm in therapy. He seemed crushed to hear it. I don't know anymore. It is hard to forgive.

Anonymous 61971

>Guy finally approaches me for the first time in almost 3 years
>Looks similar to and has almost identical mannerisms to the pedo that groomed me and almost knocked me up.

WHY WHYHYWH WH WY HWYHW HWYHWYHWYHWYHWYHWYWHYWHWY HWYH YWHYWHWYHWYHWYHWYWHYWH YW HYWHWYHWYHWYWHYWH WYHWYYHW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous 62117

genshinimpact.png

Last night I dreamt about one of my old bullies from middle school. He walked up to me to laugh at me, while I was just sitting on my desk minding my own business (As it usually happened IRL). Instead of not doing or saying anything as I normally would, however, I snapped his arm in half and then he just walked away without saying anything. My dominance was asserted and after that I knew he or any other number of horrible classmates I used to have in that class would absolutely never bully me again.

Normally I have very (muchemore so) violent and messed up dreams, so it's nothing new but ones where I committ the violence myself still tend to surprise me. IRL I am pretty non-confrontational and consider myself pretty peaceful. I've never had any aggressive behaviors. If anything I feel emotionally constipated most of the time, but in that case I wonder if I don't get these dreams as a way to channel my anger.

One of the dreams that scarred me was where I sawed off one of my middle school classmate's arms and legs, and he wasn't even a bully. He was just someone I didn't like and that kind of annoyed me IRL. I would never have thought of doing something like that IRL.

Anonymous 62158

Everyday i dread leaving the house and getting killed by one of the two people that have reasons to seek revenge against me.
And I can't stop dreaming about my enemy (not really dreams as much as nightmares, she haunts me).
My life is now static, it doesn't go anywhere. I got lost between my decisions and the only thing that changes is i'm aging into a hag and the people I care about are moving on, away from me. I got a person waiting on me to decide if we're going to be together forever or permanently apart (burning love but huge hurt between us, and way too many other stuff i'm not going to get into).

Anonymous 62163

>>61971
You need to get therapy to lay the chapter with the gross pedo to rest. You’re manifesting similar men into your life by giving him so much headspace.

Anonymous 62164

>>62158
Are you me, it's probably the vagueness but all those things ring so true for me too.

Anonymous 62165

Every morning for the last two weeks when I wake up I need to poop so badly and my stomach hurts. This is weird, I usually need to poop at night.

Anonymous 62166

400.jpg

I got hungry and had a cheeky bit of honey that I couldn't stop thinking about. It was amazing. But I feel bad for eating honey before bed, even though it was on my mind. I will have to go to bed hungry tomorrow night to make up for it.

Anonymous 62168

My tooth has been rotting for a few years now and I'm pissed my mom never took me to the dentist. I need to receive proper dental care now or my teeth will end up like hers - 50% of them fell out, the other ones are slowly losing their enamel and rotting from inside out. But every time I remind her she says "yeah we need to go" and forgets. Trying to remind my mom to do anything is useless.

Anonymous 62182

I can't stand wageslaving. how am i supposed to be caged up in an office in full view of normalfaggots for 8 hours straight doing mind numbing work and i can't even take a 5 minute break to think about what i'm doing before submitting because they track every single minute of our time and i just sit there terrified. it's even worse because my desk faces a wall and thus my back is to the rest of the office and makes me horribly uncomfortable. the bathroom smells like shit and i cant relax to poop so i'm constipated all day and being in public view 8+ hours (really more like 9.5 hours including commute and lunch break) stresses me out. i can't do it. humans were not designed to work for 8 fucking hours a day at grindy wageslave shit. this is a human rights violation.

i sat in the disgusting bathroom for 20 minutes today because i couldnt stop crying and i had to go home early because crying in the office is utterly humiliating so what choice did i have if i couldnt stop crying because i'm fucking absolutely MISERABLE. i requested wfh, even just partially, and they refused saying they "ran out of computers to issue." i have to sit in that fucking cage 8 hours a day 5 days a week and every minute of it i have suicidal ideation i never had while working from home

every other aspect of this job is alright enough but i can't stand offices, oh my god i hate it i hate it I HATE IT I HATE IT. in public view the entire time, no privacy, no chance to relax and let my guard down even a minute, it's always freezing cold and i'm uncomfortable and want to stretch or rest my eyes but can't. how the fuck am i supposed to keep this fucking bullshit up

they promised to give me training after 6 months so i can get promoted and start making better money but i've been promised shit like that before and the company fucked me over. and given how fucking MISERABLE i am it's hard to stay ENTHUSIASTIC AND HAPPY AND POSITIVE all fucking day long so they'll probably use the excuse "you dont seem passionate enough so we'll have to keep you in the entry level meat grinding position at poverty wages". god i just want to die i want to blow my fucking brains out i sit there in that fucking wagecage and just think about how shit it is and how i wish i was dead

Anonymous 62192

E5pjfQDXEAITvS4.jp…

Playing a PvP RP game where your character could die at, virtually, any moment. I do adore the RP aspects, but I'm so bad at the PvP portions (despite enjoying them!) and the idea of losing my character to some…dudebro that only wants to grime people does depress me a little.

To a further extent, I realize I'm only hyper-focusing on this minor stuff to take my mind off of the bigger, harder issues in my day to day, but whatever.

Anonymous 62215

I still can't bring myself to talk about my personal life to my nosey overbearing mother. She CRIED to me, in front of me, at one point this year because she wanted to know what was going on in my life, and yet I still can't bring myself to tell her prude Christian ass that I talk about sex and kinks with my fwbs.

I'm trying to think about what else I can lie to her about to cover for it because I just don't know what to say that will make her stop snooping.

I do not enjoy these forced conversations.

Anonymous 62216

>>62192
Is the death permanent for your character or can you revive? All the RP games I play except 1 let you revive if your character dies, the one that doesn't kind of has problems like that. Not necessarily dudebros but spergs who churn out like paragraphs of crap to get points to spend on their set-up to make them basically untouchable.

I haven't been playing it much for that reason, on top of just kind of my 1 char getting pushed into a corner growth-wise and I like playing multiple characters.

Anonymous 62217

The last few days I have had no appetite whatsoever which is strange for me, my period just started yesterday. Does anyone else lose their appetite right before and during their period?

Anonymous 62229

Since the guy I liked ghosted me, I’ve been going through dating sites and threads and adding anyone who looks even remotely like him. Pathetic I know.

Anonymous 62246

I have horrible abandonment issues stemming from parental emotional neglect, early death in the family, and a certain significant other in the past, and it has hampered me my entire life

Anonymous 62255

I need to stop eating like a fucking pig.

Anonymous 62257

>>62182
relatable.
also for me personally I wonder why should I work so hard? what am I even doing?
why should I work my fingers to the bone for some corporate overlord only for them to fuck me over. what is the point in working everyday to come home to no one? what is the point of building a future for a legacy that will never exist? (I'll probably never be able to have children, probably for the best as the world would only be worse for them)
Am I supposed to just consume media for the rest of my life? what it the point. I have no idea what to do.

Anonymous 62259

>>62182
Sounds awful. You do keep applying for jobs even when you're employed, right?

>>62257
You could try pursuing what is meaningful to yourself as opposed to what's expedient and comfortable, mostly because you'll be less miserable that way.

Anonymous 62260

>>62259
>You could try pursuing what is meaningful to yourself as opposed to what's expedient and comfortable, mostly because you'll be less miserable that way.
This is what I meant. I don't want to spend the rest of my life in pointless comfort, consuming media, products and being vain on social media.
what is supposed to be meaningful? everything just feels so pointless and empty. I'll just have to find a way of coping with my lack of prospects in regard to having a family

Anonymous 62261

>>62246
Me too and I think it made me borderline. I’ve never had a job and I lie in my bed all day. I won’t even tell you how old I am. I’m pretty sure I’m going to be homeless at some point in my life.
Fortunately most people don’t know I’m retarded just by looking at me because I dress okay. Poverty is going to hit hard when my parents die.

Anonymous 62262

>>62260
>what is supposed to be meaningful?
Most people tend to have an internal representation of what that is, even if it's nonverbal. Meaning is usually going to be found in places where you need to load yourself up with responsibility though, it's not for the light-hearted.

>everything just feels so pointless and empty. I'll just have to find a way of coping with my lack of prospects in regard to having a family

Coping sounds like what you're doing right now, do yo enjoy what you're doing right now?

Anonymous 62263

>>62262
>do yo enjoy what you're doing right now?
I don't enjoy anything and haven't in years lol

Anonymous 62264

>>62263
Understandable, hard to enjoy things if you aren't moving towards something meaningful. Generally what is meaningful is what you view as being good or interesting in the world. You say it's heading in a bad direction, which means at some point it was in a good state, what was good about the world while it was good? What was interesting?

Anonymous 62265

>>62261
I'm on the same boat as you, anon. After my parent's death I think I want to snort coke before running in front of a big truck, or maybe I'll just shoot myself on top of some moss deep in a forest so my body can become one with it.

Anonymous 62266

>>62261
NTA, I've got a job after hearing (reading) stories like yours. I suggest you get one too.

Anonymous 62268

Is it irrational to be hurt that my friend doesn't really reach out or come to talk to me about things anymore?

Anonymous 62277

>>62264
>what was good about the world while it was good? What was interesting?
I honestly can't remember it was so long ago

Anonymous 62289

I hate the fact that god made women physically weaker than men
I wish I lived on planet snu snu

Anonymous 62290

listening to rep boebert claim a congressman "simped for pelosi" is truly on another level of retardation and embarrassment. simped. these losers pandering to young male rightoids are using "simp" in speeches now.

Anonymous 62293

>>62290
internet buzzwords are making everyone intellectually lazy and reducing people’s vocabulary, it’s sad

Anonymous 62301

>>62216
Death is permanent, yeah…

Unless, of course, people care enough about your character to have them revived (as is what happened to an…admin's, character).

I wonder if we play the same game. It starts with an 'E'.

Anonymous 62307

>>62289
Media is a good escapism. In comics and games the girls are as strong as the men. And when that's not enough I can write my goofy stories.
But anyway don't feel too down about it because we're stronger in other ways.

Anonymous 62315

C8C4E7BF-B089-427F…

I hate being affection and touch-deprived. There's a mildly cute guy at work and I can't stop thinking about him even though I do not like him nor do I know much about him. It doesn't help that we work with kids and that they keep teasing us about being a couple/liking each other. Hell I think he might be gay but I just keep thinking about his cute eye smile and the way I feel safer when I am close to him because he's so tall. I'm the most stereotypical man-hating cc poster online but I truly hate the way I fall for any man I come close to IRL… Even though I'm not interested in dating whatsoever. I think I just want him to have a crush on me.

Anonymous 62317

>>62315
>I feel safer when I am close to him because he's so tall
Are you afraid of being attacked by children?

Anonymous 62318

>>62317
Probably geese. She needs those tall men to protect her from being dive bombed by angry birds.

What she should really look for is someone physically fit and trained in some form of MMA. All other things equal, lanky men are weaker and slower because their longer limbs make it more difficult to generate force over a larger frame.

Anonymous 62326

>>62315
>I'm the most stereotypical man-hating cc poster online but I truly hate the way I fall for any man I come close to IRL…

That's probably because it feels good to meet a guy who is fairly decent compared to what you see online and shitty moids you encounter IRL. I'm not blaming ya, it feels like a blessing to meet a decent one. Don't crush too hard though, I'm not one of those "it's all a long con to trap you in" people, but the more you give in the harder the fall is when they don't meet your expectations.

Anonymous 62328

>>62326
Um, she didn't say he was a good guy. Just that he was tall and attractive

Anonymous 62331

>>62289
You could always buy a gun. It's the great equalizer.

Anonymous 62332

>>62328
Yeah i guess i read into that too much. but if you're hetero or bi it's not going to be possible to stop being attracted to moids. if you're not planning on dating them, I don't see the problem. Just enjoy the attention, get your hetero fix and move on.

Anonymous 62338

My mother is dying and I can't do shit about it.

Anonymous 62341

>>62338
Pray for her soul.

Anonymous 62345

1625013189271.jpg

Mom-has-braincancer-anon back to complain about it some more.
Brother just told me that since the brain tumor came back really quickly and next weeks operation probably won't change that, that I should expect mom to only live a few more months.

Meanwhile my sister is pining for the inheritence in the weirdest way. It was always the plan for brother to get the weekend house, sis get the apartment and me to get the savings + be paid out by sister (since the apartment is by far the most valuable asset).

Now my sister is acting weird. She says it's unfair that I get to live in the apartment rent free (I actually pay rent to my mom, she doesn't despite being in the apartment most weeks). She wants me out of it but she also doesn't want to have to pay me my share of the inheritance or pay for maintenance while she studies in a different town BUT she also wants to keep it since she is here so often and needs a place to stay.

Like, I offered to pay maintenance and loan as long as I live here. I offered to take the apartment and pay her out. I offered to move out immediately but then I wouldn't pay into the apartment. And from the beginning I said I don't need my part of the inheritance immediately, she can start paying me out in 5-10 years.
None of it is good enough for her.

It's like she wants me to just take the money mom has saved and immediately move out of the apartment but then still pay maintenance so she can afford this apartment and the one in her college town.

My brother stepped in and said he'd be willing to take the apartment as well and take up a loan to pay us both out immediately which seems like the smartest option. He already has an apartment in our hometown and so he'd be close enough to handle being a landlord. But again, then my sister wouldn't have anywhere to stay when she wants to during her weeks off. God, that girl is and has always been a pain.

My plans are pretty open. I was hoping to keep living at home and save up for a few more years so I can move to a cheaper part of europe and buy a house. But whether I do that next year or in 5 years is unimportant. Still, I feel thrown into the deep end by all of this.

Also damn about everyone acting so casual when mom is literally on the verge of death. Feels like the time to take out a loan and fly to god knows where and finish off moms bucket list but I have literally only now been told that she probably has less than two years.

Sorry for the constant ramblings on here but I don't have anywhere else to talk about it.

Anonymous 62349

>>62345
i'm so sorry, anon. that must be devastating. i fucking hate moneygrubbing creeps that make grieving even more difficult with this inheritance shit. i hope this doesn't interfere with your time with your mom, but unfortunately, greedy psychos don't care and people will go nuts and burn all bridges and create so much misery over the prospect of inheriting even very little.

>And from the beginning I said I don't need my part of the inheritance immediately, she can start paying me out in 5-10 years.

terrible idea. this is a prime opportunity for her to take your money and it becoming an absolute nightmare in order to recover it. stop kowtowing to your sister, she seems far more interested in the money than your mother's wellbeing. DO NOT cede ground to people like this, they DO NOT stop pushing it further and further. who is set to be the executor of her estate? does she have a POA and an advance directive? why aren't you all getting equal portions of the estate? it doesn't need to be divided like this, and your sister's childish demands can fuck off. it's your mom's choice as to who she wants what to go to, not hers. while it's good to be prepared, things also get really nasty when people start aching for their relatives to die. braincancer is grim, but there's always a chance she might live quite a bit longer than expected. i hope for her sake and yours that that's the case.

Anonymous 62350

>>62341
weird response…

Anonymous 62356


Anonymous 62362

>>62345
this must be very concerning, for your sister to act with such greed and to be so unreasonable at such a delicate time. It is an extremely ugly and disrespectful thing. I hope it all works out well for your family.

Anonymous 62366

that was a very beautiful album thank u

Anonymous 62376

I’ve been talking to a guy I met on 4chan, he is cute and sweet but he admitted he lost his virginity to a hooker last year and I’m…just so turned off and disgusted by that I am considering just ghosting him. Even if he was a 40 year old virgin this would be 1000x less pathetic than paying for sex, it just makes me feel nauseated knowing someone treats sex that cheaply, and I don’t want to give someone like that my virginity. Its disappointing because he is good in every other way.

Anonymous 62377

>>62376
Give him a chance. Moids are conditioned from childhood to think of sex as something cheap. Just make sure to give him a nudge in the right direction and make sure he regrets it.

Also props to him for not denying it, I'd imagine that most men would.

Anonymous 62378

>>62377
It’s way too disgusting and offputting for me to overlook. Any guy who is happy to pay strangers for sex is probably going to cheat or end up using escorts later on in his relationships too if he views sex that way and is fine with illegal activities. If I continue to talk to him I will probably just end up being passive aggressive and snarky about it. I cbf compromising on my principles anymore.

Anonymous 62379

>>62378
nta but good on you for sticking to your gut

Anonymous 62380

>>62377
>Also props to him for not denying it, I'd imagine that most men would
ones on 4chan? have you acquainted yourself with the 4chan male? they have virtually no shame. also awful advice.

>>62378
good idea. not sure why you're speaking to men from 4chan though.

Anonymous 62381

I am pretty positive I have afib. How fucked am I? I wish I cared about being healthy when I was younger, and that I wasn't anorexic back then.

Anonymous 62393

The people who bullied me won. I will die soon having accomplished nothing and having not lived up to any potential I might have had. The worthless parasites ruined my life so I could be a stepping stone for them.

Anonymous 62394

>>62393
2/2
They all grew up to have perfect normie lives doing stuff like fitness training and instruction and real estate. They have faced no reprisals for what they did, none of them have reached out to me to apologize. They ruined my life and I can't forgive them. I want them all to die, hopefully a wildfire takes their houses in the night.

Anonymous 62397

>>62394
how did they bully you?



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