1626760090356.jpg
Anonymous 69157
luhu-sad-cat-1-595…
I know this is "boohoo im lonely" post number 241 but man I really feel tormented about my Secondary School Years. It was awful and I just felt like a kid looking through a window standing outside. I just didn't know how to conduct myself properly and now I'm in Uni I feel like I haven't been able to make the progress I've so badly wanted to make in reinventing myself. COVID robbed the entire first year and I find myself failing to find good decent chances to do social shit. The actual important shit.
My idea of making a friend is honestly just someone I can have some long deep connection with, I want to network and I want to share experiences and share opportunities.
Also there's the person at work I get on well with that I've developed feelings for which only complicates things further.
Anonymous 69160
i sent a really cringy text to someone years ago and I still cant get over it someone help
Anonymous 69162
To dumb to self actualise too weird to fuck and suck. What do.
Anonymous 69163
>>69162Have you tried to seed and or feed?
Anonymous 69164
1592982371800.gif
>>69145If you can, go get your stuff from the apartment. It's a daunting task for sure but trust me when I say that you'll feel better once you get it over with. Good luck!
Anonymous 69165
>>69157Aw anon, me too and I'm in my final year at uni.
Are there no clubs that interest you? Even societies for your major? Ime even if you're a weirdo other weirdos will eventually gravitate to you and not even notice the awkwardness. Or is it just ye olde self-sabotage?
That's what it's been for me, just kind of ruining every possible friendship for 3 years in a row. I've only maintained one and he's moving a town over soon.
So sorry you also feel this way.
Anonymous 69170
squirxicaljelly.pn…
With every passing day, I am getting more and more bored and zoned out in all my classes to the point it is becoming borderline painful more me to just sit there and act like I'm paying attention, when I can't.
I feel like I'm not actually learning anything and that my grades will just keep getting progressively lower every semester.
Anonymous 69178
pug.jpg
lord have mercy i cannot believe how hard I have to work just to LIVE
im not even working nearly as hard as everyone else!!
Anonymous 69179
>>69145gurl don't chu worry your pretty little head about it, you will have your glow up, your life will get better
those first few years of being a mom are sucky and hard, the older you kid gets the easier it will become
saggy boobs at 22 feels like the end of the world but if you saw everyone naked you'd realize they all have saggy boobs too, or some other weird feature
and yes it is his fault, girl he is an aint shit bitch and Im sorry you fell for him, but you wouldn't be the first honey. men are trash and they're even more deplorable when a woman gets pregnant. the leading cause of death in 20% of pregnant women/new moms is…..murder. (from what I've heard)
they're like retarded gerbil fathers that eat their young
Anonymous 69183
>>69178I want to tuck this pug into bed and tell him it'll be ok.
Anonymous 69185
>>69183it will be good if selfish retarded humans stopped breeding them
Anonymous 69186
College is really sad when you’re ugly. You start to realize that this is how the general population treats ugly people, and this is how your life will go.
Anonymous 69187
man even drugs dont work for me.
Anonymous 69209
i tried going on 4chan again after taking a break but jesus christ. I actually started to get angry while reading the threads. they're all so dumb. just regurgitating surface-level analysis of cultural phenomena. their banter is shit, their lives are meaningless and they ejaculate prematurely. the only good boards are the creative ones
Anonymous 69211
1626102907683.gif
lack of sleep just keeps adding up, how am i even functional?
Anonymous 69213
>>69209This isn't really unique to 4chan anon
Anonymous 69226
>>69165Thanks for your reply, and yeah there's a ton of clubs and shit to join. I just don't actually know how to start, I listed myself as available but noone replied to me or responded. Not even sure what it is I want to do but charity shit is always handy. I'll do my best to make an effort.
And sorry to hear of your situation. I also knew a cool person in my workplace but now they're moving :(((
Anonymous 69227
istockphoto-525526…
Does anyone else feel that they sometimes can't even speak properly as if your vocal cords are tired? I was in work today right, and even though I'm not tired I wasn't even able to speak without mumbling or slurring my words.
>inb4 stroke
I literally just wake up some days with a sleepy kinda voice while on other days I can speak normally. If I'm having a "bad" day I'm unable to speak loudly and people usually have a hard time hearing me. I actually hate my voice so much its unreal, I'm so quiet and "low".
Anonymous 69228
>friend keeps talking about her FWB/fuckbuddy taking her out to a cool restaurant for her bday and giving her these really thoughtful, personalized gifts
>meanwhile a guy I've been befriending online rebuffed me with a "you don't have to do that" when I asked if I could send a holiday card when we met on a literal penpal/mail exchange group
I know that I can't quite compare those two situations but still…I just want to feel some fucking affection or closeness from a man pls I am begging…she has all these literal fuckboys who, even though they will tell her they don't want to date/have a committed relationship, will do all these nice and cool things for her. I find it easy to make friends with guys but whether I'm sexually involved with them or not, I have never had a guy do things like that for me and it makes me so sad ;_;
I think I may come off as desperate and that turns guys off (or maybe I lack some sort of allure?) so I have been trying to work on myself (and not involve myself with men while doing so), but seeing my friend share that just made me really sad and jealous. Mostly because like, she's casually fucking this guy and he's doing these nice things, and I feel like an issue I often run into is men will be interested in me sexually but want to have no further involvement beyond that or even if we become friends, it's very bro-y and they would never think to exchange thoughtful gifts or something like that.
Anonymous 69232
for some reason friday nights always trigger my suicidal ideation. i don't even think things are that bad, but i have so many anxieties and stressors that build up over time and while i have friends i can't talk to any of them about how i'm actually feeling. i've tried, but… anyway, i know i just need to work on getting my life to a point where i am satisfied with it so that despite external stressors i won't constantly think of offing myself because i have other things to look forward to. it's just hard to get there and in the meantime i have so many anxieties about everything. i think maybe this is a sign i should probably see a therapist so i can talk to someone, but i just don't have the time to look for one. part of me also wonders what the point would be. i just need to get some sleep. tomorrow will be a new day and then i can think about it then.
Anonymous 69236
Why is it when I try to discuss the recent Rittenhouse trial, 98% of the other women just REEEEE and go "Why should I care, it's just a scrote killing other scrotes?" Like fuck off, you dumb motherfucker, and think with your brain for two seconds instead of your heart, which sounds to be defective, anyway. Just as bad as 4chan REEEEing anytime a woman shows up, I swear to god. You're no different than they are, that's why nobody takes us seriously in serious issues.
Anonymous 69242
>>69236>that's why nobody takes us seriously in serious issues.That's not true, because
>Why should I care, it's just a scrote killing other scrotes?isn't mainstream thinking at all, therefore it could never result in people not taking us seriously
Anonymous 69246
I try my absolute hardest to be like normies and do normal shit but I can't do it. There's just something 'off' about me and I don't know what. I really want to settle on self diagnosing myself as autistic because I truly believe there must be something up with me. I've had this whole complex of feeling like a kid watching through the glass unable to understand what's going on since I was very young.
Anonymous 69252
Reasons it never would have worked anyway:
1. Timing. I haven't been in a position to be in a relationship in all this time anyway.
2. Different socioeconomic backgrounds. I come from a working class family, and he does not. We couldn't possibly have related to each other, and I wouldn't have known how to act or speak around him.
3. It's likely he's kind of a creep who fixates on younger girls.
4. He's pedantic as fuck and would have been insufferable to be around. Better someone else deals with that.
5. I don't like doing the social activities he likes.
6. I would have always felt not smart or pretty enough.
Anonymous 69255
>>69254You're coping if that is what the grounds of a healthy relationship looks like to you.
Anonymous 69268
Came home this week early for thanksgiving, and was honestly really looking forward to spending time with my family and just being back in my hometown. But my whole time here I’ve felt so… out of place? Stuck? Like I’m wasting my time? I’m not really sure
Last time I was home I did not feel like this at all, and was so happy to be back with my family and doing my old routine. Felt like a breath of fresh air. But right now feels so stuffy.
I think one of the main reasons is that none of my friends are here right now, so I’m not doing typical things a person in their 20’s would do. I feel like I should be going out, meeting new people, etc, but I’m not and feel unproductive. I do that all the time when I’m not home, so I’m surprised why I feel like I really need to right now for this short period of time. I feel like I should’ve came to my hometown later and spent more time with my friends.
…I dunno. Feel kinda off lately.
Anonymous 69316
>>69156I swung my head too fast and my glasses flew off and they hit the ground and chipped. God fucking dammit.
Anonymous 69318
I just CAN'T sleep recently. Sleepytime tea, relaxed before bed, melatonin, straight up sleeping pills, and I end up awake til 3 or later every night sometimes with nightmares. What is my problem? Stress?? Cus this insomnia ain't helping
Anonymous 69321
>tfw I can't stop listening to eurobeat
>at work, while riding my bike, at home, on the bus, before sleep
Anonymous 69322
>>69318Iktf, I struggled with anxiety induced insomnia for 2 years whilst I was finishing my studies. I also couldn't sleep until 2 or 3 in the morning around 2 or 3 times a week.
I tried p much everything you did, but sleeping pills aren't probably the adequate medication. You should probably get yourself prescripted some anxiety meds.
Anonymous 69336
>>69321this happened to me after I watched initial d. I would play it at work when I was stocking stuff at night. it's good shit and gets you energized! if you're genuinely annoyed though maybe try integrating the songs into playlists with other genres to wean yourself off it. but I think it's not unusual to suddenly only be able to listen to one genre, I'll go through phases like that myself.
Anonymous 69345
20211025_234008.jp…
I saw a woman at a music event and can't get her off my mind. I noticed her at coat check and the person there asked "are you guys together?" and I could have died and ascended. She made prolonged eye contact with me several times later in the crowd. Maybe she thought "what's that dweeb doing just standing around watching people instead of dancing" but at least that's something.
I saw her with some gay looking friends so I may even have a chance if I could just run into her again.
Losing my mind. She was so cute.
Getting crushes on randoms is so stupid and annoying. What am I supposed to do about this? At least it made the night feel worth it since I otherwise had an anxiety attack and cried.
Anonymous 69346
>>69345If you want to find her, look through photos tagged at the festival.
Anonymous 69353
stare.jpg
ok…is selling stuff online and doing the local pick-up in a cafe surrounded by cameras and people really so unsafe? like, I keep being told I will be human trafficked if I sit in a cafe and a stranger sits with me. oh side note, only considered people with verified identities, 100s of reviews from other people, etc.
Anonymous 69356
>>69353That sounds fine. You can also arrange to meet outside the local police station.
Try and make yourself seem male in the listings though.
Anonymous 69357
double impacto.jpg
I just watched a silly episode of anime and now I'm sad.
The plot was that one of the characters went home after traveling and discovered that her father had passed away while she was gone. It's a comedy fantasy series, so it didn't really examine how traumatic that kind of thing is ti a child, but the whole time I was thinking about this little girl never being able to see her father again.
During the episode, it's revealed that the father was only pretending to be dead to figure out who wanted to kill him and the father and daughter are reunited happily and there are no problems. I have had reoccurring dreams about my father not really be dead for years. Normally they take the form of him being in a coma of some kind and my family hid it from me and he finally wakes up and is all better. So, when I was watching this silly Japanese cartoon and thinking about my father, I saw someone else's father return to their lives just like in my dreams and now I'm sad.
I didn't cry. I'm not crying. But I felt sad and felt like sharing for just one minute.
Anonymous 69358
>>69357I'm sorry you had the bad luck to run into that specific trope. Sounds like a shitty experience.
Anonymous 69365
hj.png
I feel like I'm turning into a moid. I saw a TikTok of a woman saying that people shouldn't wear animal costumes because it's speciesist, but all I could think of or look at was her cleavage. She was wearing like a camisole or a really low cut top or something. I couldn't even be annoyed at how dumb of a statement that was, or how it was obvious reply-bait. My mind was just on her boobs the whole time.
I understand now when moids are like "milkers booba titty". I knew I wasn't straight but jfc
Anonymous 69366
>>69365It's okay, anon. Me, too.
Even worse I'm like this for both men and women.
At least we feel guilt? Most moids don't. The true female power is a conscience.
Anonymous 69376
i find it so hard to relate to people because I don't go out and drink, like how do i start doing actual normal shit like that???
Anonymous 69383
>type out a long post
>carefully select words and make sure I articulate exactly what I want to express
>reread multiple times until I'm satisfied
>decide that no1curr
>don't post it
who else
Anonymous 69384
>>69376If you don't want to then don't.
Join other activities like knitting clubs, tabletop game groups, pottery classes, activist groups, etc.
Ime alcohol and drug users don't give a fuck if you're sober so long as you get along. They may even ask you to go and be the sober one (I always refuse because nightlife is weird).
No idea how to start if you actually want to drink, sorry.
t. Teetotalfag
Anonymous 69387
I have PCOS, and as a result, I have gotten an increasing amount of hairs on my chin.
The chin hairs are long and wiry, and come in tufts.
No matter how many times I cut them, they grow back and make me look like a circus freak.
Every month, I notice a few more.
I’ve gotten nasolabial folds too (due to age).
And weight stuff, too.
Doc found out that I’m officially in the morbidly obese category now, fucking great.
Got no one else to blame but myself, I live on my own and eat crappy processed food, because I’m too unmotivated to cook.
It just feels hopeless to try to better my looks, after so many years of neglecting myself.
Anonymous 69388
i keep thinking about how different i would be if i had grown up with adults who werent obsessed with making me normal so they wouldnt be embarrased by me. i wonder if i would be more confident in myself if i wasnt constantly reminded how abnormal i seem to others and how hard i have to work to seem even partially like other girls. i wonder if i'd be happier if i hadnt grown up around people who told me my God's honest best was just "what you're always supposed to do". i sometimes think of the child i was and i cry for her. these days i try not to cry too hard because i know theres a future for me and if need be, i will build it from the ground myself
Anonymous 69389
1632632922552.jpg
I now realize I was only pretending to be angry at the guy who ghosted me. I wasn't feeling it, I was blaming myself the whole time. It didn't feel possible. "It must've been me, something I said, something I didn't say." No. It was all him. He blew me off because he wanted to, and then he got upset because I didn't fade into nothingness. I hate that there's a substantial part of me that still misses him and wants him back. I guess because I want an explanation, and I miss that connection we had, even if it was nothing. Honestly, I guess it meant 1000x more to me than to him. He obviously didn't value me, so he deserves to have everything taken away. He shouldn't feel special because of my actions, I hope he deluded himself that I treat everyone the way I treated him and feels like shit about it.
There's still a part of me that says "You should've done this or that differently", and I regret it, but only because I'm still under that delusion that he would've not been an asshole if I did everything "right". But who the fuck wants to live that way? Second-guessing every action in fear that some scrote will abandon them? Fuck that. Some people are just dicks, even if they seem nice
Anonymous 69399
feel free for a little while then i’m reminded of my gilded cage :)
Anonymous 69418
>>69384>Join other activities like knitting clubs, tabletop game groups, pottery classes, activist groups, etc.Will never forgive COVID for robbing me of that one year when I was actually finally in a position to join clubs. I've just emailed a bunch of places at my College so hopefully I can make a start.
>Ime alcohol and drug users don't give a fuck if you're sober so long as you get along. They may even ask you to go and be the sober oneThat's fair. I just haven't been able to go do a lot of nightlife shit with myself and I would feel awkward af, don't really want to come off as the mopey type but I just don't know how to enjoy myself hahaha.
Anonymous 69423
>mfw you realize that you have misdiagnosed ADHD
Anonymous 69424
I feel bad and I want to die. Please give me a reason not to do it
Anonymous 69425
>>69424The last thing you do before you die is soil yourself, as your inner muscles relax.
Just imagine your purple body laying on the floor in a puddle of piss, with poop stains on your underwear, with people all around cleaning up the mess.
Dunno about you, but that though sure made me reconsider.
Anonymous 69430
>>69425>The last thing you do before you die is soil yourself, as your inner muscles relax.this only actually happens some of the time
Anonymous 69432
I have BPD and it's only getting worse. Actually, I don't even know what's wrong with my brain (I don't fully trust psychiatrists) but I'm a chronically awful person overall. I regret something that torments me every day, and I can't stop thinking about how terrible everything is. Right now is fine, but I'm scared of what might come to me in the future. I can't feel anything and my bursts of happiness and reassurance my brain bestows upon me are so fucking short. I'm not sure if I can make connections anymore, and I'm beginning to not even crave them. I hope my nicotine addiction kills me soon.
Anonymous 69437
cat.jpg
tbh, it's hard to get over how ugly I am. I'm very tall with a severe, long-faced bone structure with a crooked face from a deformity, terrible skin I've spent 10000$s on (and no I'm not rich) and changed my entire diet for. the only male attention in my life IRL I've gotten has been negative comments about my looks. if a guy did show interest, I'd assume it's because he thinks I'm easy (even though I'm a virgin).
I realize that it's super dumb of me to really try applying makeup and wearing cute clothes because, honestly, it just feels bad lying to myself all the time or focusing on things that maybe bring me up from a 4 to a 5.
Maybe accepting myself as I am is the way, instead of resisting.
Anonymous 69439
>>69432i hate psychiatrists too, but there's a difference between a psychiatrist and a psychologist or a therapist. there's no real medication for BPD (besides off-label things that can manage certain symptoms), but i read that either having the root of your issues psychologically examined (abandonment issues, childhood, etc.) and therapy practices like DBT (if you can't afford a therapist there are workbooks online to do by yourself) can help. good luck managing either way.
Anonymous 69440
>>69432>>69439I'm really uncomfortable with medication and psychiatry in general since it messed with my body when they forced me to take it as a kid, but I currently have a therapist and it's better. Instead of just shoving pills in my face we actually discuss my issues and
I get credited for improvement instead of being told the pills must be working.
I also want to say that a lot of mental health workers only really know how to do cognitive behavioral therapy, which is great for normies that are simply struggling with some stress or pessimism, but it can be unhelpful and even harmful if you have deep rooted trauma or other more serious issues. If you went through abuse or a rough childhood, try to find a trauma-informed therapist.
If therapy isn't an option, a self-help resource I really like is Pete Walker's work, particularly his book "From Surviving to Thriving." It doesn't focus on BPD specifically but there's a lot of overlap. I like how it's low on jargon and generally has a very friendly and digestible tone to it.
Anonymous 69441
>>69440yeah, i've heard cognitive behavioral therapy can be bad for certain people, but dialectal behavioral therapy is supposed to be an improvement on that. personally i haven't benefitted from medication
or therapy but the latter was less harmful for me in the long run
Anonymous 69443
I feel like the female version of an incel in that I’m extremely resentful and bitter towards all men just for existing
Anonymous 69468
Tumblr_l_580632169…
I don't think the boy I want to make love to will ever whore himself for me, no matter how much money I save up to go see him and give him, and the doubt makes me feel miserable and borderline suicidal. My dream is flying out to see him and taking him out on the town for the night, then play with his cock/fuck his brains out somewhere (probably either in my car or in a hotel room), but…
Ugh. I wish he was more normal. I feel like I'll never match up with all the porn he faps to, or the sex workers he's probably hired in the past. I'm still baffled that he jerks it to 3DPD raceplay cuck porn. He even confessed to me that he has some kinda internet brainrot and can't really sexually get off on having a healthy romantic relationship. I don't really know how I can deal with that.
I feel broken inside because I think that I'll never find anyone better than him that hits all the right notes for me. It hurts that he wouldn't want me unless I paid him, but I think I'm so ugly that I would have to pay any of the men I find attractive to even remotely give a shit about me.
Anonymous 69469
>>69468Is he a sex worker himself? How did you paying him for sex cum up lol
Anonymous 69470
>>69468you really just need to get away from his orbit unironically. almost everyone that has their dream relate to a specific person gets fucked over in one way or another.
also in 99.99% of cases where I saw girls acting like someone was perfect for them it was make-believe; these girls hadn't even experienced almost all things with said guys and were just being delusional and making up stuff based off a few shallow cues or a few good conversations, because they were in love with the idea of being in love and chased after it. you say you're broken inside because you think you won't find someone else like him when it really is as simple as you romanticizing what isn't yours, nor shouldn't be bc it'd be a nightmare of a relationship that would slowly tear you any chance of improving to shreds. I doubt you have a healthy social circle or fulfilling life outside of this guy and he's mostly just a coping mechanism that kind of gives you a bit of dopamine.
>paying someone for affectionbeing frank that will just become another massive hang-up for you too.
oh and side note he sounds like a ginormous degenerate and I seriously advise you to get away from people that talk about shit like that, bc they make people like you feel worse.
Anonymous 69479
>>69157Covid fucked with me so hard and really halted so much momentum I had built for my social life. I feel socially retarded these days. Everytime I go out I turn into a stuttering mess and that's when I actually think of something to say. I used to be so confident and cocksure, nothing could tear me down but now I just feel like a numb hollow shell of my former myself. I'm just glad covid didn't rob me of my secondary school years or uni but I'm still way too young to deal with this shit.
Anonymous 69487
FBbbzBTX0AE4a-Q.jp…
>>69468>I feel broken inside because I think that I'll never find anyone better than him that hits all the right notes for me.You sound almost like me just days ago. I was agonizing for literal months over this guy who ticked every box for me. He had some darker interests, but I wasn't bothered and didn't let them stop me. I even overlooked his cringy typos and wording because I was so into him. I was basically in love with him, and he acted like he wanted me, then ghosted lmao. I was sad and literally obsessive about it for months. What finally made me get over it was getting more experience outside of my comfort zone, and realizing that he truly wasn't special. Just a dime a dozen degenerate scrote. He didn't deserve anything I gave him, because he didn't care about me like that. Chances are, he couldn't have satisfied me. I had to figure out what I really wanted, and it wasn't him. Even if I was dead-set convinced he was some beautiful person on the inside or whatever, I was wrong, and I know no one wants to take the L of that knowledge (even if they're already in pain). Dedication and faith in any male must be earned, not given. If you leave your heart in the hands of a fool, it will be broken
It sounds cheesy, but I guarantee there is someone who will hit the right notes for you. You just need to find the right environment, basically go to the moid factory. That scrote is not a unique, once in a lifetime offer, even if he seems that way. You
can find someone who will put a smile on your face, and you'll be able to talk about all those personal things you thought only your crush would understand in time. They'll share your sense of humor, they'll treat you with respect, and they'll want you to be comfortable around them. And they
will like all the same things as you, or be refreshingly open to them. This really does exist. You're not "too ugly" for shit, this faggot you like is probably just concerned because you don't look enough like a giant black cock to make him salivate. I promise.
Anonymous 69488
>>69487Sorry for grammar mistakes, rambling or repetition, I'm multi-tasking
Anonymous 69491
a8a.jpg
weird. I think I just experienced the first pang of jealousy over someone's relationship in my late 20s (and mind you I talk to someone online and have for years but never met him)…
…it was over a girl I thought was very cool being married to another girl.
Awkward.
Anonymous 69494
>>69430Are you willing to take the chance?
Anonymous 69499
Magic Night Sky by…
this is rambly, dumb, and not really venty but I wanted to just blab about it somewhere.
so. I have always been the ugly one. I feel extremely ugly, always have been told so, and I also feel insecure about how tall I am.
when I have posted my face online and how I've been treated people usually get pissed off and say I look like a model. in real I have never gotten such treatment aside from a family member acting like I looked like a tv star after losing weight and saying I could literally weaponize my looks, and a few older women saying I look absolutely gorgeous. I don't know if their standards are just super low (I assume so).
now…aside from my best friend who has the hots for me and thinks I'm one of the two most attractive people she knows and, despite being a stereotypical cute girl, fangirls over me, I have been catcalled over how ugly and pig-faced I am by men dozens upon dozens of time. some girls back at uni kept on going on and on about how I look 50 (in the meantime people think I look like a teen these days so I don't know what's going on there). etc. no guy has ever appeared to find me attractive.
I don't think I'll ever have confidence tbh. I sometimes wonder if maybe being, like, 22 BMI with hilariously bad fat distribution makes it much worse, but if I had an ok face I don't think I would have been called ugly and slurs so many times by male strangers. I'm getting older yet still have no romantic experience besides talking to a guy online (who I was always afraid of catfishing somehow on accident).
sigh. oh well. tbh it's fine to be unattractive, I guess it just gets annoying when women act like…certain things are a universal female experience or something and you never go through them whatsoever, and it leads you to think there must be something horribly off about yourself. it's so shallow and vain.
Anonymous 69503
Just broke into tears talking to my aunt… May write a massive post venting about it all later.
This is probably the first time I've realized just how hard it is to be GNC.
Anonymous 69504
>>69503Just to be clear, when I say "gender non-conforming" I mean not fitting typical expectations of women. I'm not any kind of trans or "non-binary" or anything like that. It also has nothing to do with my sexual orientation, I'm mostly straight.
Anonymous 69505
>>69503>>69504:( Hopefully she was nice to you and they were good tears
Anonymous 69506
>>69505She
was nice to me, though they weren't good tears.
Anonymous 69518
>>69503Uhm hehe… I don't feel like typing all that out anymore. I hate that. I should've just started to write it right away.
I really don't want to think about it right now, I'm relatively happy and don't wanna spoil my time home alone. God I hate it when that happens.
I'm just gonna say that one of the things I hate about being like this is that my mother often makes "joking" comments about me and my sister like "ugh why did my daughters have to be like this" when we don't get excited when she shows us clothes and other "girly" stuff and that not only annoys me but makes me feel extremely guilty and coupled with the other kinds of comments she makes (like telling me not to confess to a guy that likes me back first because I'm "too hasty", insisting that I dress femininely when I go out for any reason and saying that she used to dress like me when she was young (heavily implying that "it's just a phase") or, the straw that broke the camel's back the other day, discouraging me from approaching a guy I saw and liked a lot because "women just shouldn't do that") it just makes me feel like she doesn't accept me as I am and that she STILL, after all these years, wants to force me into a mold of femininity that reflects her own experiences and tastes.
The worst part about it is that my aunt, who's very close to my mother, agrees almost fully with my mother's behavior, and she also questioned my personality and choices, which obviously made me feel worse.
I couldn't hold in the tears and broke down when she kept telling me that I'll experience different things in the future and that maybe I'll find out I'm wrong. Wrong about WHAT?? I asked her several times. She kept saying that sort of stuff and I lost it and started crying and sobbing in front of my dad and sister as I repeated over and over that I don't want to change and asking why I should change just to be like "normal" women. What the fuck is the big deal with me being how I am?? Why can't they just accept me fully and stop trying to make me be someone that I'm not?? I am happy being sort of "masculine" and taking an active role in relationships (which has always worked for me because I find myself guys I'm compatible with), my exes have liked me how I am, my friends like me how I am, I AM COMFORTABLE LIKE THIS, why can't
my own fucking mother stop wishing I was different and telling me to conform to retarded and outdated gender roles???
Anonymous 69523
tumblr_pbnp8skEIm1…
Thinking of cancelling my gym membership, I don't know why I thought I could ever make it in the first place. It's been months and I still haven't been able to score a single fucking visit without having to retreat to the bathroom at least once, because I'm so uncomfortable doing shit around other people I always break down crying at some point. I am burdened by crippling self-awareness of being an ugly autustic freak, on a rational level I realize everyone else is doing their own thing and has no reason to pay any attention to me but I can't help reacting like this. I fucking hate it.
Anonymous 69531
>>69523Don’t feel bad anon, it’s ok. The world isn’t made for people like us.
Now, the important thing here is that you want to exercise, right? Well let’s find a type of exercise that you feel comfortable doing. What about walking? That’s pretty healthy. Or yoga or other things you can do at home?
Anonymous 69554
I’m tired of being pump and dump material. I’m always regretting the stupid choice of whoring myself in date apps at 17. Now I’m 20 and absolutely empty, never had a long term relationship and don’t know what love is. My last experience was the worst
>new in job
>this hot guy flirts with me
>he has a gf but they’re going through a bad time because she’s too moody
>me being easy af as always, felt bad for the gf but ended sleeping with him anyway like 3 times
>“you’re special you know but i still prefer her and i have my own life”
>i knew this since the beginning but it still feels like shit
I don’t consider myself to be fugly, I’m average and I work out. I’m very athletic. His gf isn’t very gifted neither so I don’t believe it has to do with my “high” standards like every 4ch moid always say. I just want a decent looking bf I can give all my love, what the fuck I’m doing wrong? being too easy? not loving myself enough?
Anonymous 69555
>>69554You need to work on your self worth. I don’t mean that as a put down, but as advice from someone who made the same mistakes.
Make a list of all the things you want from a bf. Be very picky. Next time you see a guy you like, compare him to the list so that desperate you doesn’t ignore all the red flags.
Also work on making your non-dating life more fulfilling so that when guy comes along and you realise that he is a loser you are ok letting him go and don’t feel the need to lower your standards because you’re desperate and lonely.
Anonymous 69557
>>69554You are letting shitty men use you. I mean sis you just fucked a cheater while knowing it, without caring about his gf. A good person doesn't do that, sorry. Become a better person yourself and you'll stop falling for assholes who very clearly only want to use you.
It's not just about "not being easy", it about realizing the men who just want to fuck you right away aren't good people and definitely won't want anything serious with you.
Anonymous 69564
I've been obsessed with my ex for 5 months now since we've broken up. It was a 3 month relationship. I feel like a deranged, and creepy. I honestly feel like an insane person. It was the first relationship I ever had following a long term relationship that was, at the best of moments, passionless, and at the worst, emotionally abusive. I feel strange calling it that as I don't hold much resentment towards that ex, but it was what it was. The relationship with my recent ex started somewhat shortly after I ended my first relationship. In the end, I was still too nervous and distrustful of people to fully open up to him, and it ended up coming between us. There were other unfortunate circumstances in my life hindering my ability to form a relationship, as well, especially at that time. I can't really forgive myself for screwing things up with my issues. He had trust issues as well following a bad relationship experience, but he had mostly integrated it by the time we met, so it was definitely me causing issues.
I don't even think that things necessarily ended on bad terms between us, and he even said that he still wanted to be friends. I even asked him if he sincerely meant that and he said yes, but after attempting to strike up a conversation with him a couple of times he seemed wholly uninterested. I'm a lot more stable now and often feel like trying to speak to him again, and we still follow each other on social media. But I am a literal autist and I suck at picking up on social things like that, so I doubt the following thing counts for much. I find myself daydreaming about him constantly, I don't think it is a stretch at all to say that I have thought about him every single day since he broke it off. I'm simultaneously disgusted by this behavior of mine, and yet I also don't want to stop it. I don't think I will ever message him again, because he doesn't need a creepy stalker girl in his life.
Anonymous 69569
>>69518Why do you care so much
If she pisses you off just tell her
Anonymous 69572
>>69554The guy just used you to pleasure himself.
He never at any point had any respect for you, just because he flirted and acted nice doesn't mean he actually likes you at all. I feel like you're a bit naive to the intentions of men if you're getting used like this a lot.
Anonymous 69592
>>69554i doubt youd ever be able to get in contact with his gf but if it ever does happen, id tell her. not while both you and the guy are still working at the same place though.
Anonymous 69593
I’m a complete sperg and feel like my body doesn’t match me. Please im not bragging at all. I have huge boobs, wide hips, an ass but I feel like in my head I should look androgynous
I don’t feel very womanly and I wish my inside matched my outside
Anonymous 69594
>>69593There’s no such thing as “feeling womanly,” women are just people, men are just people, you are simply who you are
Anonymous 69615
>>69593You have to learn how to get comfortable with your own body
It's something that you cannot change
Accepting your body does not mean changing your personality, though
Anonymous 69618
>>69593>I don't feel womanlyI'd watch out posting this kind of stuff here. TERF posters will immediately dogpilling you for experiencing any kind of gender dysphoria even if you aren't and don't plan to troon out.
Anonymous 69619
>>69618rly? I'm terf-ish and I feel very androgynous.
Anonymous 69622
f669758d17bf343294…
Courses in my university are going to be in-person next semester. I'm an international student. I can't travel. They told me to take a short-term withdrawal and wait for Fall 2022. What's the point of that if classes will still be in person?
I feel like my life is over. What now? More years of NEETdom? Why can't they just film their in-person classes? This is not some poor university. Even if I was there and vaccinated, why would I want to risk the new variant? Why does everything have to be forced? I don't even know what to do anymore.
Why even bother with these last few assignments? It all seems pointless.
Anonymous 69625
>>69622When covid lasted until fall 2020 I was super excited that they were letting "real" degrees be earned 100% online and was looking forward to the framework being laid for me to finally get one that way. I'm infuriated they're fighting so hard to revert to pre-covid learning institutions.
As for bothering with your last few assignments, you still want a good grade on your class credit if you can work up the willpower to swing it.
Anonymous 69626
>>69554W-what? Are you honestly surprised that a cheater you
willingly slept with is a shitty man? Girl, c'mon.
Anonymous 69631
>>69622Honestly if you're not attending college classes I don't understand why you're attending. Furthermore, I don't understand why they let you enroll if you never had any intentions of attending in person.
Anonymous 69632
>>69625>When covid lasted until fall 2020 I was super excited that they were letting "real" degrees be earned 100% online and was looking forward to the framework being laid for me to finally get one that way. I'm infuriated they're fighting so hard to revert to pre-covid learning institutions.I can understand why you want online degrees to be taking seriously, but you do realize most of the value of a degree doesn't come from the shiny piece of paper, but the networking you do right? You are giving yourself an incredible disadvantage by not attending in person. The reason "online degrees" are looked down on isn't only because of an assumed level of ease (which may or may not be true) it's because no one fucking knows who you are other than what your paper says, unlike Jill in HR who got in because she knew Bob, the manager's son and got a recommendation.
Anonymous 69642
>>69640
>Agreed. It makes no sense to me why they can't do hybrid courses.
Why they can't? No real reason. Why they should? No reason either, just adds one further layer of complications to an already bloated fat corpse.
>That would please everyone
Immediate red flag for any concept.
>they already have the framework for online classes set up, so it's not like they'd have to start from scratch.
I feel like you're not aware of how much upkeep distance learning takes as a general system. Yes, set up is gone, you are 100% correct. Upkeep is not gone, upkeep is aggravating and present until the project is killed.
>Recorded lectures weren't even unheard of before COVID, you can find Harvard ones on YT.
Yes, I'm certain recorded lectures give you plenty of oppurtunity for networking too, Jesus Christ.
>here are several international students, including those from countries with travel bans who are now fucked over from getting an education, despite putting in the work and tuition, because a lot of universities are just incompetent
This is true, incompetent enough to take students who they shouldn't have given the opportunity to if those students were relying exclusively on distance learning. It is certainly a fuck up on their part that they offered the opportunity in the first place.
>You know you can study, interact with teachers/classmates and do work without physically being in a place, right?
Yes, I am well aware, but at that point it's borderline worthless. You can do it, it isn't worthwhile.
>You can even network if you're persistent and enough of a normie
Bullshit.
>I was accepted and going to travel way before, but wasn't able to because of my fucked up life situation, I had to defer twice. When COVID hit, it was a chance for me to actually do what I set out to do.
Was what you set out to do not attend classes in person? Because you shouldn't have pulled that move unless you assumed COVID would last four years for a degree.
>My situation is still up in the air for moving countries, and the pandemic situation just made it even more murky
Understandable, sounds like gambling on a chance from COVID doesn't always pay off.
Anonymous 69645
>>69642>Why they should? To accommodate their students, including those international and those cucked out of travelling because of travel bans?
Your whole post just has weird "may i play devil's advocate" Reddit scrote energy, I'm tired and over it lol. I don't know where your hateboner for people being able to learn online comes from, but this isn't a point of debate, it's people's actual lives being fucked with, goodnight
Anonymous 69646
>>69645>Your whole post just has weird "may i play devil's advocate" Reddit scrote energy, I'm tired and over it lol.I'm no fucking Devil's Advocate, I hate online teaching with a passion as it causes further degree and credential inflation forcing me even further into the hellhole I currently find myself in. It's a symptom of a larger problem, but it certainly isn't fucking helping matters.
>it's people's actual lives being fucked with, goodnightGood.
Anonymous 69647
>>69646>people's lives being fucked with is goodI feel bad for anyone who'd have you as a teacher, edgy
Anonymous 69649
My boyfriend has fallen for the "grow a beard" meme. He posts on the r/beards subreddit every day, and buys expensive beard grooming products.
I don't mind the expense, we can afford it, but his beard honestly looks awful. It looks like he has a wild animal stuck to his chin.
He's so proud of his chin-pubes as well, showing it off and saying how "mature" it makes him look. Every time I look at his face, I just think of the soy wojack meme.
I feel bad about hurting his feelings and telling him I hate it, but I can't take it any more. I'm going to have to tell him it looks terrible, and that he should stop.
His mustache smells like soup as well.
Anonymous 69650
>>69649Tell him the beard looks bad and if it doesn't look good by X date you won't want to be around him anymore.
>His mustache smells like soup as well.Well that's just a basic grooming problem, tell him wash his facial hair properly.
t. married to husband with mustache
Anonymous 69655
>>69649Girl what the fuck are you doing with a redditor? is he balding too? goddamn scrotes go and change their whole appearance without even asking their partner.
Anonymous 69657
>>69655Rather a reddit scrote than a 4chan scrote tbh.
Reddit is at least "normal", while 4chan scrotes are genuinely mentally ill.
Anonymous 69658
>>69655>change their whole appearance without even asking their partnerUm, how is that a bad thing? I wouldn't want my partner to judge me if I decided to chop all my hair off one day or something.
Anonymous 69665
>>69658Don't give the benefit of doubt to moids. When women change their appearance, they do it for themselves.
When moods do it, it's because of peer pressure or a stupid fad that makes them feel "manly" (read: ugly).
Men have a stunted sense of beauty, they shouldn't be trusted with such things.
Anonymous 69666
>>69665Cope. Women have been fooled about it being "for themselves" when in reality it's just perverted self-consciousness and the neurotic need to conform and measure up to society's standards. You just give it a social-justice empowerment costume to justify it.
It's literal make-believe to pretend that women are 100% beyond peer pressure. It's like acting like there isn't a billion-dollar industry who primarily targets women by pressuring them into wanting to meet certain standards.
Anonymous 69669
>>69665>painting your face is done "for yourself"Right, because you're looking at yourself all day, not putting it on display for performative femininity. Totally.
This is almost as bad as the "porn is empowering" cope.
Anonymous 69670
>>69669I think you can do it for yourself in that you know people will treat you better if you look prettier. Or maybe if you are really creative you might do it for yourself from time to time. But there is no way that waking up half an hour earlier everyday to cover up the smallest of blemishes on your face on a daily basis can ever be "for you".
Anonymous 69671
>>69669No one even mentioned makeup?
It could also be a woman shaving her head or getting a mullet. I've also seen butches dying their mustache hairs haha. I guess those are also trends, but not explicitly for the pleasure of men.
But with that logic nothing anyone ever does is for themselves and it is impossible to develop your own tastes or even have a favorite color because muh society. Can't argue with that, I guess.
Anonymous 69672
>>69666>>69669>>69670This is baseless extrapolation and honestly sounds like moid rhetoric of policing womens' appearance.
Not everything about female and male behavior can be uno-reversed, it's not equivalent. Fact is, women have a better grasp on beauty than men, and moids obsessing over their chin-pubes is objectively pathetic.
Besides, by your own logic, men consuming overpriced hipster grooming products is as bad as women "being bimbos", so what is even your point? Two wrongs make a right?
Anonymous 69674
i applied for grad school and my friend told me i had to really show my passion in my essay. i went totally off topic and now cringe at the thought of anyone reading what i wrote. got rejected because of my grades but i'm sure my rambling trash long essay didn't help either. can only hope it was immediately put in the round file and disappeared from everyone's memory.
Anonymous 69675
>>69672She is 100% correct though. Women don't put makeup "for themselves", they never would if it was not already an established expectation.
The Last Psychiatrist (yeah a moid I know) wrote a post that tears down that idea very well
https://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2013/01/no_self-respecting_woman_would.htmlThere is not point pretending that there isn't a social price to pay for never wearing makeup as a woman. If you must put paint on your face and feel unwell with your bare skin, then there must be something deeply wrong with your self-image (or you're actually not doing it for that reason and you're rationalizing the choice society made for you).
Anonymous 69676
>>69675Yeah, ok, you convinced me, I'm going to stop shaving my armpits and legs, and start "freebleeding" to show society who's the boss.
Looking like a medieval peasant is based, right.
And for the record, I never said what other women should or shouldn't do, I said a woman should wear makeup, I said they should be free to change their appearance without expectations from others. This would include changing their appearance to be less "conventionally attractive". I don't know how this turned into a discussion about harmful female beauty standards.
Sure, women trying to look good according to male standards is questionable, but moids trying to look good to impress other moids is even more so.
Anonymous 69677
>>69676>*And for the record, I never said what other women should or shouldn't do, I said they should be free to change their appearance without expectations from others.I accidentally a sentence.
Anonymous 69678
where do you think…
>>69632I don't say this to be mean or even disagree with you (I don't), but networking IRL is for normalfriends. It's a lifestyle that is not in the cards for me and never will be. The good news is my online network is pretty robust and even without a degree I live well enough because of it. I would just really, really like to chip away at a degree from the comfort of my desk at home.
Anonymous 69679
>>69676That's a pretty childish reaction anon. There is no reason to stop doing things just because of being confronted with the actual reason you do those things.
I shave, I wear makeup occasionally. But I am not going to pretend that I would do these things if I were a dude, or like society would evaluate them in the same way.
>Looking like a medieval peasant It is quite telling that you'd perceive a woman who doesn't do these things as a "medieval peasant", while modern men go around quite happily not doing any of them. It illustrates the point perfectly. No one is telling you to stop consooming makeup, just that maybe the fact that you don't want to be perceived as a "medieval peasant" when going around with your bare face has something to do with it.
Anonymous 69680
>>69678Where on earth are you networking with people on the internet that actually gets you jobs/associates for starting up businesses?
Anonymous 69681
>>69672>Not everything about female and male behavior can be uno-reversed, it's not equivalent.Right, in the manner in which men typically wear displays for other men as opposed to women who typically display traits for men, for very different yet altogether the exact same reasons at the same time.
>Fact is, women have a better grasp on beauty than menYes, now ask yourself
why women have been so well-trained in better grasping beauty than men and maybe you will find an answer.
>>69671>It could also be a woman shaving her head or getting a mullet. I've also seen butches dying their mustache hairs haha. I guess those are also trends, but not explicitly for the pleasure of men.And if you were to ask any of them why they were doing that they would probably state it is a direct statement to the opposite of current beauty standards, i.e. pushing the standards of what is socially acceptable in the complete opposite direction, which yes means they aren't putting on a display to the benefit of men. They've understood performative beauty, and now, having understood it, work in the complete opposite direction.
One does not just happen to wake into butch lesbian/gender queer appearance one day, not incidentally.
Anonymous 69682
>>69679>while modern men go around quite happily not doing any of themExactly why moids are trash, they smell like butt sweat and look like shit.
I see no contradiction.
And in their delusional minds, looking even more like a savage, for them is commendable, they will validate and egg each other on to look like cavemen because it's "manly".
Anonymous 69683
>>69672Yes, women can do stuff for their own sake, but what I was responding to was "When women change their appearance, they do it for themselves." A statement stated like a fact, one that is just…straight up ridiculous tbh.
While I was being hyperbolic in implying that it's always because "society" or "fitting in", it's true that what is that age-old and damaging preoccupations for women - beauty - have now been painted with "agency, self-care and individualism." This is what corporations are now preying on–and for good reason. They are now teaching women to have a routine that is bloated, one that encourages them to look at themselves rather than elsewhere…all while subtly encouraging women to chase increasingly unrealistic beauty standards under the guise of "well, she's just doing it for herself!"
That's a dangerous sentiment. It isn't that "you doing you" is bad. It's the entire framework that exists behind it that renders women into doing extremely specific rituals related to boxed-in expectations.
Women do in fact have a massive issue with self-consciousness and self-awareness, one that makes them more hypercritical of themselves; self-sabotage. And it's very much related to this.
Honestly, it's whatever or even AWESOME if a woman would be confident and secure walking outside, going on dates, etc., with no makeup, hair styling,, and clothes as generic and unflattering as any males…just as she would glammed up (which she also loves to do). But if a woman doesn't feel good without it, yes, there's something wrong, and she's dependent on how she looks to feel confident, etc.
I've also seen stories from women who say they used to glam up a ton thinking it was for herself, but it turned out it was usually dependent on how people saw it. It's why almost all makeup styles are basically designed for generic appeal.
Anonymous 69684
>>69682Oh I'm
>>69683I still agree about hygiene and basic grooming being good, etc. idc if that makes me a hypocrite. Moids are nasty shits.
Anonymous 69685
>>69684That's okay, I'm a hypocrite too.
My opinions are entirely flexible as long as they converge on hating moids.
Anonymous 69686
>>69684There is absolutely nothing "nasty" about body hair or a face without paint, and the fact that both of those count as "basic grooming" for women is absurd. You may find moids "nasty shits" for not going around painted like clowns or hairless like children, but that is not an opinion shared by the rest of society.
Anonymous 69687
>>69680Most dork industry networking happens online. A lot of friends I have in this group I met online nearly 15 years ago. Back then being self-taught put you on par (if not ahead in certain aspects) of anybody with a comp sci degree.
If I were a teenager now, things probably never would have worked out how they did. I got very lucky. Not having a degree feels like a weak point in my financial security. It's like high school "GO TO COLLEGE OR YOU FAIL, FOREVER" brainwashing I can't shake. But also I would rather die than set foot on a campus again.
Anonymous 69688
4ad611400097c97c1e…
>>69683I think we should normalize face paint and dyes.
If we're going to paint ourselves, might as well go all out and make it look awesome.
Anonymous 69689
>>69687You really got very lucky anon. Computer science these days is becoming ridiculously competitive. It's almost impossible to get a good job in the industry without a PhD or tons of research experience plus strong recommendations (ie nepotism) from big names, while for getting a PhD you need almost post-doc level experience and published papers/conference abstracts.
Anonymous 69690
>>69686the fuck, anon? I didn't say shit about makeup. I was mostly referring to hygiene and how many men don't even scrub their nasty bits.
Anonymous 69691
>>69690as for "grooming" I wasn't referring to body hair besides armpit hair–which, yes, I am hypocritical about because for some reason mine picks up a smell a few hours after washing.
Anonymous 69693
>>69688unironically 100000x natural than makeup styles these days.
Anonymous 69694
>>69692eBaums's World, Newgrounds, World of Warcraft, gaming IRCs, livejournal… Like I said this was in the 00s. As for options in the 2020s, your best chance to network is on Twitter/Twitch/YouTube. Covid keeps a lot of eyes online. To be observed by them you must be a presence in your chosen community, much like you would need to be IRL (and for whatever reason, I could never swing this IRL).
Anonymous 69695
>>69694So like, you post comments on youtube and if you do this enough another youtube comment offers you a job?
Anonymous 69698
>>69696That's sounds too easy to be true.
Anonymous 69699
>>69227I get this when I'm feeling insecure. When I have to speak in class and I feel like I'm the least knowledgeable person there and don't deserve to be listened to, though it's not as explicitly self-pitying as that. Same with speaking to my family when I remember what a leech I am on them. It's as though my vocal chords are straining to make the noises and my voice comes out weird. I've never asked anyone if they notice.
As for feels - currently I'm so frustrated. My memory is getting worse and worse, although I've noticed the same in my peers?
I have no drive to improve. I don't see myself ever being able to handle a full time job. I get overwhelmed with any commitment like that and become psychosomatically ill in order to get a break.
And it's only a matter of time before my bf gets everything he could want out of me and decides to move on to someone more stable. The only way I see us staying together is if I ask for him to be patient as I figure out how to become my best. I'm doing a lot better with insecurity in this relationship but I'm not as feminine or mature as I'd like to be.
Thanks for reading :)
Anonymous 69702
>>69227>>69699it's because your body is tense from stress. it's a bit cliche but you need to relax your body. specifically your muscles.
Anonymous 69705
>>69569Because I love her even though I hate to admit it right now, and it hurts that she seems to wish I had been different, like she's disappointed in me
Disappointing my parents is something that I've just started to get over this year so it's still hard for me not to let that get to me
Anonymous 69713
I try to quit my unhealthy addictions, but then, when there’s nothing to focus my mind on, I start recalling detailed flashbacks about a SO dying (we were in a car accident together). Images and sounds that won’t go away.
And those always happen in the middle of the night when I’m all alone in my house, so I just cry endlessly until it’s morning and I can call someone and get some sleep.
It has been 2 years. Should I do something about it?
Anonymous 69715
>>69713It seems like you have PTSD anon. If you can, you should go to therapy to sort that out.
Anonymous 69716
>>69715Thanks for the answer. Yeah, I think it might be, but I don’t have like, psychosis and stuff, so I’m not completely sure.
Anonymous 69719
>>69716>Yeah, I think it might be, but I don’t have like, psychosis and stuffHey, you don't need that to have PTSD, those vivid flashbacks are proof enough that you have it. I got the same flashbacks when my cat died last year to be honest. Went to therapy.
Anonymous 69734
>>69719Again, thanks for the answers, I’m going to seek help (I always thought that PTSD required more than unending sadness, but this is very unbearable since the tears simply won’t stop and I get dehydrated all the time).
And so sorry to hear that, anon. Imo pets are akin to family members. Can’t even begin to think of the feels when the brother’s dog (loyal to whole family) eventually passes away.
Anonymous 69735
gupitaro.gif
>>69713seconding
>>69715, i have PTSD and your symptoms def sounds like PTSD to me too
before you get therapy, you should familiarize yourself with the types so you're not confused.
there's a few different types of therapy for PTSD:
>CBTcognitive behavioral therapy helps you recognize patterns in your thoughts/behaviors and learn new ones, basically teaching you better coping skills. usually you start here, and it's short term
>DBTdialectical behavioral therapy is a form of CBT that is long term, and usually people get CBT first especially if you have awful coping mechanisms. DBT involves a lot of writing exercises digesting your trauma and breaking down how you feel about what happened, why you feel that way, and why you react how you do.
>EMDRwhile the former two forms of therapy help treat your symptoms of PTSD, they don't cure it. eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy is a form of psychotherapy that has been shown to help cure PTSD by helping reset the connections in your brain. you recall the trauma, and then you're basically hypnotized into a relaxed state, and it helps you stop associating the memories with trauma. you can jump into EMDR or do it after you've had DBT, usually people do it after they've had DBT.
good luck , i believe you can overcome this.
if you are in the US and need a psychologist, check psychologytoday.com's therapy search engine
you can check off what type of person you want, what therapy you want, what insurance you have, etc
the therapists on there have little profiles too so you can get the vibe of them before committing also
Anonymous 69740
>>69735Thanks anon! Yeah, I think I’ll start easy.
Anonymous 69741
Skeleton_Rollercoa…
Does anyone else's mood go up and down day to day? Currently in a great headspace today, doing a bunch of productive shit to climb out of neetdoom, but I know that tomorrow or some other day I'm gonna be the opposite and down in the dumps. It makes it difficult because I'm doing all I can to make it to new social events but if I'm waking up in a bad mood it sabotages eeeeeverything. Like I feel genuinely ontop of the world atm but at other times I'm in that tunnel vision of despair, worry and anxiety.
Anonymous 69769
so lonely i want to die. :)
Anonymous 69784
>>69741Have you tried talking to a professional?
Anonymous 69785
>>69769you have lots of friends here anon
Anonymous 69787
>>69741I can relate. I hate being like this so much.
Anonymous 69793
20210513_150027.jp…
My friend is leaving in a month to a town 7 hours away and it's got me a bit down.
He's a little shit sometimes but I really do enjoy his presence in my life. I also kind of fear he'll start liking me less after he moves. This is stupid because he has lots of friends anyway. Only child moment I guess. On a knee-jerk level, I want to be my friends' only friend because I'm stupid.
But also I'll miss his antics and it will leave a skinny pothead shaped hole in my heart to see him go. He's somehow become one of my best friends over the past two years despite our differences. I hope he doesn't self-destruct without me keeping him straight…but also, me too. I need to work hard to avoid becoming a hermit without him.
Anonymous 69806
I feel so ugly and disgusting. I was in a deep depression for years. I didn't take care of myself at all. Over that time, I gained so much weight and my stretch marks look so grotesque. My face looks deformed from acne. I despise looking in mirrors.
I've been trying to take care of myself, but it's difficult. I have been working on losing weight (I'm 50 lbs down with another 100 to go) and I'm trying to get into skincare but… it's taking so long. I barely see a change in myself at all. I just want to be cute and pretty now. Ugh. Hopefully soon… I don't know if I can take this much longer.
Anonymous 69838
>>69246i'm late to the party, but i have diagnosed autism and i had the exact same experience growing up and still do to this day. you should consider consulting a doctor about this. treatment will improve your life.
Anonymous 69840
>>69838Nta but what is treatment like?
I also have a feeling I may unironically be on the spectrum but am unsure if the effort to get diagnosed is worth it.
Anonymous 69863
suomi.jpg
My mom told me she's glad that I've gained weight because I look like a methhead when I'm thin. I want to lose thirty pounds.
Anonymous 69870
1638532087466.jpeg
I want to talk shit about some scrote, but he knows about this place. I wish I had miner friends to laugh at scrotes with. Fuck this gay earth
Anonymous 69877
>>69870Just change slightly the story?
Anonymous 69905
38905601_186959921…
I quit university like 1 or 2 months into the first semester started cause I hated it so so so much but now all my previous friends left the city to go study elsewhere and I cannot really make friends with anyone here either cause I have no way to approach people cause corona + I don't do school, how would I even talk to them lol. I made some kinda-friends before Corona happened but we have nowhere to go and most of them are kind of basement dwellers anyway and I do not really know what to talk to them about cause i don't do school lol.
I mean I am studying for entrance exams and I am also learning a language so I have something to do but I just feel so odd and lonely, literally all thing I do every day is study, then I either sit behind the computer by myself or go out by myself. Hopefully I will have find some next year but if it weren't for my parents I would probably forget how to speak. It would be better during the summer where I can at least go sit in a café or on a bench in the park but during the winter with everything closed… I mean I still go outside but less and less.
Anonymous 69907
>>69870>he knows about this placeDamn, is he an imageboard dweller? If not then how do you know he would read your post? Just omit key information (although by saying that he knows about CC you've already made it easy for him to identify you)
>I wish I had miner friends to laugh at scrotes withUse the friend finder thread?
Anonymous 69914
I can't not fuck something up. Everyday, every encounter.
You hand me an item, any object from any category of your choosing, any debate or ethical quagmire, any individual thing or collective system of systems, and I will accidentally offend or destroy that shit so quickly you'll wonder how all those words just got said between then and now. It's dimensionally impossible for something to flash in front of you at this speed - yet nevertheless, here we are. It happened so quickly, too quickly. Here is your item back. Yep, I fucked it up. That's what the flash was, naturally. Do I say sorry? Do you pay me? I do not know. Next in line, please.
Anonymous 69918
>>69227have you tried vocal warmups?
Anonymous 69924
>>69468he's a lost cause just put him down in his sleep
Anonymous 69926
>>69468lmao sis he's way too far gone and your cannot save him, the only thing you can do is stay the fuck away from him, cut off all contact with him to avoid getting sucked more and more into his mental illness. You have to deal with your own issues, he'll only make you feel worse and worse.
Anonymous 69927
>>69468And by the way, yes, you WILL find another guy like him, you could even find yourself one that isn't a fucked up coomer/cuck porn addict who doesn't even like real women/real relationships.
There are billions of men out there, do you seriously think none of them would be able to beat this guy in every way?
Anonymous 69942
>>69914Sounds like you're stressed, Anon. Have you been able to relax lately?
Anonymous 69943
Any religious/semi-religious anons here? Lately I've been noticed that some unpleasant stuff in my life started after i stopped being religious, it seems when i was a kid the images of God, Jesus were comforting to me and then i lost that comfort. Some things i just wrote off as me being a weirdo, but then i realized that they had only started after my disconnection from religion. I kinda wish i could connect with it again even if just a way to cope and find comfort in Jesus, but i am kinda lost. I've only been kinda religious when i was a child so really religious stuff is still kinda alien to me. And also it seems like if i were to embrace Christianity i still would be a bad Christian, so is it really worth it? I don't know if Jesus can comfort someone like me
Anonymous 69979
tumblr_82539af5d8e…
someone new in my workplace who is really cool and who i was getting to know really well has literally just fucking left and is now going home to their home country like wtf NO DONT LEAVE I'LL NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN ;___;
Anonymous 70009
>>69943Hey, I'm a christian :)
for me it's a safe anchor in an otherwise tumultuous world. If you do plan on getting into it, though, it's better to go all in or not do it at all. The worst would be doing it halfways. And I'm pretty sure nobody is beyond salvation, regardless how bad things may seem.
Anonymous 70010
>>70009>>70009>it's better to go all in or not do it at all. >The worst would be doing it halfways.Nice try, tradthot.
Anonymous 70020
a9f.jpeg
It's taken me too long to realise I don't actually enjoy education. I'm in college atm, and I like learning about stuff and reading things…. but I don't actually like writing. I'll learn all that I need to learn but anything that involves doing actual work is left to the very last moment. I don't enjoy this at all holy fuck, I have 2 essays due next week and neither are done. I miss school so much, I want to have my hand held and not be left on my own to do work fuck this.
Anonymous 70023
>>70020Same, that's why I dropped out. I was failing way too often.
I'm a curious person, especially when it comes to topics I have an interest in. But I never developed the proper skills for being a student, namely doing homework and studying, I think I have ADHD (I've been diagnosed with depression already)
I watched this video the other day, and I think the same thing happened to me. Adults made me believe that I was specially smart so I got this superiority complex that made me stop trying at school, then I fell into depression once I stopped fulfilling that expectation everyone had of me, and became a self-loathing perfectionist.
The pandemic has only made things worse for me.
>>69160Do you think the other person cares about it that much? What would you do/how would you react if someone sent you a cringy text? I'm sure it's not as bad as you think it is (it happens to me often but when you really think about it, you realize that the other person is unlikely to give much of a fuck, and in fact they can probably relate to you)
Anonymous 70024
I don’t wanna take care of myself
Anonymous 70028
corner.png
RGHRHRHARHRRRHRHRRHGJRGHRKJHGRKJRHJRRRRRRR
uuuggghghhhhh LOL
Anonymous 70044
>>70023> watched this video the other day, and I think the same thing happened to me. Adults made me believe that I was specially smart so I got this superiority complex that made me stop trying at school, then I fell into depression once I stopped fulfilling that expectation everyone had of me, and became a self-loathing perfectionist.The pandemic has only made things worse for me.
Sorry that all I have to say is "same", but just wanted to let you know that touched me
Anonymous 70052
I feel like I suck at my current job. I've been at it for a few months now and I love the work I do (as physically exhausting as it is) and I love my teammates (well. Most of them).
But I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years (bff's for 15) and I moved into my own studio apartment. My savings are being chipped away and even though I've been really making efforts to go out and meet new people in this city, I feel so utterly alone all the time. I've been feeling very isolated. All I want to do is smoke weed, drink, and do DMT+shrooms all the time. Anything to escape the now.
And I have to find a new job for next semester but part of me wants to just not work and live off my student loans but I know that's not sustainable. And I know that the next job I get, my depression will get in the way of that too and I will suck at it.
Anonymous 70071
I can’t stop thinking about this interaction I had today. I was returning some pants I bought and the lady at the counter angrily tells me I “destroyed” them… because I took the plastic price tags off. The ones that everyone takes off. I hate this old bitch so much. Every time I return something she gets aggressive for no reason.
Anonymous 70072
>>70071I don’t believe stores are allowed to accept returns if you take the price tag off nona. Try it on with the tag first then only rip it off if you are sure you’re going to keep it. I don’t doubt she was aggressive about it, but I thought this was common knowledge to not take it off unless it fits.
Anonymous 70073
>>70071honestly anon if you're repeatedly returning stuff to a store with the stuff ripped off enough to see someone repeatedly…it's probably more on you.
she was being dramatic when she said about destroying them but I'd probably start side eying someone who kept on returning stuff with the tags ripped off.
Anonymous 70079
>>70072>I don’t believe stores are allowed to accept returns if you take the price tag offThis store does according to the return policy.
>Try it on with the tag firstI did, in the dressing room. It was only after being in the pants for more than 5 minutes and bending/moving around that I realized they fit awkwardly.
>>70073>it’s probably more on youOh fuck off. I’ve been shopping at this store for years and have only made a few returns. There are also other yelp reviews about this particular employee being an asshole so no, it’s not just me.
Anonymous 70090
>>70071Not sure why the other anons are being so extra. Even if you had done something wrong, the assistant should have just politely told you it wasn't possible to accept them. If she could accept them, then there is no need to give you a lecture. Just accept them and move onto the next customer.
So many Western stores have terrible customer service where assistants seem to think that arguing or being rude to customers is fine but then are shocked pikachu face if a customer gets upset in return. Respect goes two ways.
If you compare to somewhere like Japan that had god level service, you never see heated arguments in shops. You never see signs telling people to respect the staff. The assistant will just calmly tell you if it is not possible, apologise, and escort you to the door if necessary.
Anyway, forget about her. She's in the wrong here, not you.
Anonymous 70096
>>70090>Anyway, forget about her. She's in the wrong here, not you.THANK you anon! Aggressively telling someone that they “destroyed” clothes because they took off the plastic tags is so insane I actually went “excuse me?” She did accept the return because there was no reason not to. This woman just likes to act like every single customer is a huge burden to her and hassles every return.
Anonymous 70125
My childhood was ripped away from me. My dad was in and out of prison for 2-3 years at a time, multiple times throughout my life. Why should a 4 year old be visiting prisons every other week?
Mother is an alocholic. Don't blame her, she's not the only one let down by him.
But she fucked up too. So many nights as a child crying and being ignored, kept up till 6am due to partying. I found out what drugs were pretty quick from that.
My needs were never met, who cared if I had school in the morning?
Once they're sober, they just act like it didn't happen and repeat.
I have been alone so much, was it so much to play cluedo with me? Or anything? I asked so much.
I'm an unstable wreck in my 20s,but I'm trying.
Anonymous 70126
benson.jpg
I hate when people message me without bothering to reply to my last messages. It makes me want to beat the shit out of them. My one friend does this and I know it's on purpose, because she also ignores and talks over me all the time IRL.
Anonymous 70127
Is it bad that I want to change my name and avoid my family forever?
I don't want them to know when I get married or buy a house or have children. don't want them to ever see me again.
my stepmother is abusive and my dad is just a loser. the rest of my family that i know is ok, but most of my family has been disowned and i will never see them again.
i wanna go missing like they did. am I a bad person?
Anonymous 70133
>>70127Why did they go "missing" ? Are you still in contact ?
Anonymous 70134
I have a moderately severe mental illness that periodically leaves me dysfunctional.
I want a relationship so badly, but it feels selfish of my to basically burden someone with having to deal with a mentally ill person.
I fantasize about all those romantic experiences, the emotional connections, the fun things we could do together. And then I remember that I can become a walking vegetable for months on end, and in reality it will be either him having to deal with my mental problems, the relationship just going on pause for months, me dragging him down while wallowing in my own misery, or him just dumping me when he realizes it's too much.
I don't even have a social life and barely leave the house, so all of this is just pointless fantasies and imagined scenarios. I will probably just die alone.
Anonymous 70135
>>70133my biological mom was abusive and crazy and her family wanted to keep me. so when my dad won the custody battle he cut all contact. the only contact i have is through an aunt but she doesn't respond to my emails.
Anonymous 70137
>>70134have you thought about trying to have a ldr? there might be someone similar out there who understanding
Anonymous 70138
>>70125>>70127I recommend you both look at r/raisedbynarcissits and r/cptsd . I had a terrible upbringing too and reading about other people's experiences and healing really helped me a lot.
Anonymous 70139
>>70126just call them the fuck out on ignoring you, simple
Anonymous 70140
>>69793skinny stupid potheads arent endangered, another pathetic one will fill his place
Anonymous 70141
>>70138I was on the latter the other day. I have bought the book "Running on Empty" that I saw recommended in a few of the 'child neglect' forums I was visiting. I hope it can help.
Anonymous 70142
>>70141If it doesn't help, don't give up, try another one. I've seen some books highly recommended that didn't do much for me and then found that random ones I came across myself helped more.
Anonymous 70148
>>70137I have read enough horror stories about LDRs to be afraid of them.
Besides, mentally ill moids are even worse and scarier than mentally ill girls. A lot of them are straight up abusive because they think their mental illness entitles them to lash out at other people.
I have no discord, no social media, no account on any forum or messageboard, because the idea of having a permanent identity scares the crap out of me. What would I even contribute to those things? I have no personality, no wisdon, no knowledge, nothing. I have nothing to give to this world. I'd rather rot alone, and not bother anyone with my existence.
I feel like I just want to cry myself to sleep every day, and then cry myself to death. All I can do is cry. I'm so useless.
Sorry for the whiny post, I just want to let it out..
Anonymous 70150
>>70148It's ok anon. Why not try joining an interest group with a throwaway email and a unique username, dp, and password? If you don't post anything personal, there is no way to trace it to you. It's good to have good security practices but not to the point that it is preventing you from doing anything.
I bet you have lots to contribute, you just don't know it yet. Even if you think it's just a stupid opinion, other people will be interested or relate to it.
Anonymous 70152
>>70150I don't know.
I don't want to do anything.
just want to stop existing.
It's all too much.
Having a mental illness sucks. All the motivational images on instagram couldn't convince me that there's a way out.
I've seen enough to know that none of us are in control. We are all subject to the whims of our neurochemistry.
It's easy to think that you can turn things around, that you can take control somehow. But when your own mind turns against you, you realize that nothing is in your control.
We are merely leave blown around by the wind. Things happen to use, and then we tell ourselves stories about how it was us who decided to land here, and there. But it is all a cope. We end up where we end up, and we can only hope that the stories we tell to ourselves, about ourselves, are good ones.
Anonymous 70154
>>70152You seem like a good writer anon, have thought about exploring that, even if just by yourself?
Anonymous 70155
>>70142Did the books do much for you?
Anonymous 70157
>>70155Yes, the books and reading on the subreddits helped me process things a lot. I think I had a lot of cptsd traits before but I'm mostly over it now. It still hurts but not like it did before. I did a lot more reading of the subreddits so that probably helped more but the books are written by professionals so they still are worth reading and will have more developed ideas. Sometimes there is only one take away point from the whole book, but it'll be a really good one.
Now and again I will remember something I hadn't thought about before and I find it helpful to search for people that have been in similar situations and it helps me process it. I'm not really a "go to therapy" type of person as I don't like to share my feelings so reading a lot helped me work through things instead.
One thing I will add is that if you want post on the subreddits, you're better doing it as a comment on someone else's post as a lot of started posts don't get much attention as there's just so many of them.
Anonymous 70158
>>69156another sob story but im almost 21, neet, can't seem to land a job and parents say i'm too unstable to return to college for the spring semester. on meds for the first time, had to quit smoking fagplant bc of psychosis and now im perma depressed. trying my best to work through things but life with bipolar disorder feels so hopeless. psych appts are hard to get, understanding what's wrong is difficult, taking meds makes me feel like a miserable veg. in love w a guy in a different country, but broke and a piece of shit to him but can't seem to stop steamrolling all of my relationships. can't seem to fucking get myself together
Anonymous 70160
1526076217576.png
>>70158congrats on starting meds anon, that's a big step in the right direction. don't be afraid to take some time off and sort things out.
Anonymous 70255
3446.JPG
I fucking need male affection so fucking bad
Anonymous 70270
I’m so fucking mad I can actually feel the adrenaline spreading in my body. I get angry every single day ugh.
Anonymous 70271
22588CE7-2DA6-41FF…
I feel so miserable for no reason at all and it’s not going away. I’ve felt like this for about year or two now and it feels like it’s getting worse and I’m regressing. I physically can’t make it inside of my class without crying like I got my arms chopped off unless I make it to my class an hour early. I can barely make eye contact and talking to people makes me want to barf and cry even sitting a few meters down the hall from someone makes me sick. I am borderline failing one of my classes because looking at the material and thinking about it makes me hyperventilate. I constantly think my friends hate me, my dad is always disappointed in how much of a social retard I am and my mom is worried half to death about how dysfunctional I am. I either have to work or go to school but I don’t know if I can get into what i want because my social anxiety is so bad and I’m probably autistic too which makes me want to shoot myself even more. I’m an ugly fat retard freak and I hate it so fucking much I can’t stop thinking of dying and the only thing stopping me is that I would be more pathetic dead than alive. I’m sorry for typos or grammar I’m just retarded. Sorry
Anonymous 70273
i'm also 21, a neet and stopped go to college last year. today is so sad, i've been crying so hard my head and eyes hurt. i got no one to talk to right now. my head hurts so much
Anonymous 70274
>>70273Did you cry today for no reason at all? Yeah, I know what it feels like.
The best I can tell you is that there's a point where you have to stop thinking so much about your failures and move on, and start again. There's no shame in doing so, there's no shame in fucking up badly and getting back up.
Anonymous 70276
>>70271You’re not retarded anon. Your post was perfectly readable. Do you think you should take a short break from school? I had burnout in highschool and also would hyperventilate when I saw my schoolwork because I was so exhausted. Have you tried medication as well? Imm still depressed but it eliminated my physical anxiety symptoms like pounding heart, sweating, nausea, etc
Anonymous 70277
Another day wasted on browsing imageboards all day and not drawing or programming or studying or writing or doing the laundry or anything else! Not even playing the games I've been wanting to play!
Anonymous 70279
d0ee2f2edb8f16e5ef…
I'd honestly rather be alone forever than date a black or Arab man. I can't relate to any women who date them or even find them attractive, except maybe really unfortunate ones who have no choice. I feel lucky I've never had to be with one, but I'm also sick of the expectation that I ever would
This isn't bait of any sort. There's just nowhere I can say this without getting yelled at, and it's unfair because scrotes can talk all the time everywhere about what women they don't like
Anonymous 70282
I got the vax and the side effects were so bad someone had to take care of me because I couldn't move. it made my periods worse for awhile, and they're already dehabilitating some months.
my mom wants me to get the booster for no fucking reason. it's not even recommended by my doctor that I get it. it's just for the sake of virtue signalling. I'm not risking anyone's fucking life or anything.
I might have to move out because of this, and if I do, I also have to give up a sport that pretty much keeps me living. Hell, I might have to stop going to college too.
fuck these fucking people I live with. why should I have to put my health on the line for this stupid abusive bitch?
Anonymous 70284
>>70283I could try to. could something like that put my job at risk? they don't require boosters or anything.
Anonymous 70287
>>70286yeah, but i'll have to spoof paperwork. maybe. it depends on how it goes.
Anonymous 70291
>>70282ugh, fuck, in the same boat as you nearly. I don't live with my parents but see them weekly- my dad is immunosuppressed, so my mom is pressuring me to get the booster. I was laid out and completely invalid for over a week after the J&J shot, and I still get muscle spasms and my arm muscle tenses up like crazy out of nowhere where I got the injection. I thought I was having a heart attack when I first got it because the pain was so bad- sharp stabbing in my heart for over an hour. It was so bad the lady who gave me the injection started freaking out. My whole arm went numb and I couldn't even move it right after she administered it. Still let me go home and panic over my arm being numb, so thanks for that lady.
Feeling major guilt for not wanting to get the booster, but fuck I'm not even over the flu I got on Thanksgiving, so I really don't want to hop into getting ill again.
I don't think I am going to get it, and just going to lie if it comes up. I have serious medical phobia so it was already freaking insanely nerve wracking to get the first one. Not to mention it being the J&J with all of the blood clot deaths. Don't get the fucking thing if you don't feel comfortable with it. I'm so sick of fuckers virtue signaling and shaming people with phobias or horrible reactions to the vaccine. I would get it if it hadn't royally fucked me last time, and I assume you would too. It's NOT like other vaccines, and some people have horrid reactions to it. The worst reactions I ever had to a shot is the flu shot (yeah, fuck you flu shot I got the flu anyways what's the point) and that was like 2 days of fever and then it was over.
Anonymous 70294
I was going to ask a guy out but ran into my friend and I couldn't ask him out in front of him. But now my chance has passed.
The universe just cockblocked me and I'm so mad. If there's a reason I refuse to listen.
Anonymous 70296
nebss8gkugh51.png
does anyone else go through periods of guilt for being able to enjoy so many basic luxuries compared to others? I get to be basically a NEET with my feet up sitting on my magic computer to post on image boards or some shit while someone on the other side of the world has to go through basically torture each and every day just to live
picrel is the world's biggest french speaking city and capital city of one of the richest (in natural resourceS) nations of the world
Anonymous 70297
>>70296Yeah, I kind of always have that going on in the background. I really hate seeing people being over indulgent or wasteful.
If it helps anon, you have to realise that things like that are not your fault and beyond your control. Even if you donated all your money and everything that you own, it wouldn't change anything because places like that are so corrupt with all the money being siphoned off into tax havens by their politicians and by foreign companies.
The best thing that you can do is be informed on these issues, vote with your wallet, actually vote, and spread awareness to others.
Anonymous 70318
my bf is falling in love with someone else. I can sense it..
Anonymous 70322
>>70318Time to turn him loose then.
Anonymous 70342
>>70293
Well, obviously that's a concern, hence it being something I am struggling with. And I literally said I wasn't mildly sick, I had a horrible reaction, reading comprehension- who is she? I was fucked up royally, laid up in bed and practically invalid with horrific chest/head pain and muscle spasms for 2 weeks.
mildly sick, stfu. my dad is fully vaccinated and he interacts with more people every day than I do in a month. plus I AM VACCINATED, I just don't want the booster. if it was literally that cut and dry - 3 days of "mild sickness" or my dad dies, of course I'd fucking get it.
Anonymous 70358
just had a review session for a test tomorrow morning and i felt so lost, i didnt know any of the answers so i just cried (thankfully it was on zoom and camera was off). i feel so stupid. its gotten harder and harder for me to focus, i barely cranked out 10 solid hours of studying since friday which is just not good enough. but it doesnt matter anyways because other people seem to not need as much work as i do to understand the material. probably because i struggle paying attention in class. and that sent me into a imposter syndrome spiral about being the ugliest and weirdest girl in our cohort and how i dont belong here so i think im just going to go to bed now and cram more when i wake up
Anonymous 70362
>>70358Have you considered that you might have ADHD?
Anonymous 70369
I’ve been showing too much of my political power level to my bf and now I’m scared he thinks I’m a bad person. The world is just going to shit and I get angrier every day.
Anonymous 70385
>>70274I have been on meds for almost three years now and people around me say it seems to work but I can’t tell. I take the highest dose of my meds but I feel like nothing, fake or I feel everything and I’m so confused. I think im just frustrated because I have diagnosed social anxiety since I was little and I just get so frustrated because I feel so inhuman and that I can’t do anything right. school work is getting so painful because I feel so stupid and I’m scared for people to see my work or me. I logically know it’s stupid and makes no sense which makes it even more frustrating. I have done therapy almost four years ago and I’ve tried a few different program things but they say the same “positive thoughts! You got this girl!” Thing and I just want a lobotomy or something at this point. I’d give everything just to be a normal mediocre human because that’s better than the pathetic autist I am. Sorry if I miss typed anything
Anonymous 70386
>>70377
>Is this news to you?
If it makes you better to think as such sure. Do you have a solid number on how many boosters one will have to take overall to satisfy the vaccination requirement? What was original advertised as "just get the shots" is actually "just take boosters for the rest of your life"?
Anonymous 70398
>>70395
>No, because not enough time has passed to know that yet and scientists are not magicians with a crystal ball.
Don't give a shit about side effects, just hate that the field for what is considered "vaccinated" and "good enough" slides all around as times goes by.
>No, and that is not what I said but I understand that you're interpreting it like that because you wish to confirm your negative priors related to the vaccine anyway.
Just like you're just posting things that confirm your positive priors. Functionally the same
>but the science
doesn't have a crystal ball remember?
Anonymous 70399
>>70398>>70395The correct answer for how many boosters it takes is "whatever makes big pharma the most money".
Anonymous 70400
96b37b6ad5a88aae05…
How the hell am I supposed to figure out my sexual orientation if I never like anybody and am incapable of developing a crush
Anonymous 70402
>>70401
>The "field keeps shifting" and will continue shifting until we know what the optimal dosage for the longest immunity.
And the standards that are being used to force guidelines while that shift while it occurs will occur as well. I am aware.
Again I'm just retarded according to you, so I'm uncertain whose the bigger retard, me, or the one who keeps responding.
Anonymous 70404
>>70403
The fact you don't know what I'm talking about seems to cast my doubt on your knowledge of any of this really.
Anonymous 70405
>>70400Maybe you're asexual/aromantic and that's okay.
Anonymous 70406
>>70405Maybe "low libido" shouldn't be it's own sexuality.
Anonymous 70409
>>70406She also said she's incapable of crushing on someone. A lot of people develop crushes as early as in kindergarten or primary school. I don't think that has anything to do with libido. That's why I suggested she could be aromantic.
Anonymous 70410
>>70406It's just a term/terms to describe a specific experience. Never understood why some of you people have such beef with it. There are already other synonyms like "frigid" so why get angered at this one?
Not asexual or aro myself btw (literally the opposite, sleazy yet permavirgin bi).
Anonymous 70411
>>70406That’s not what asexuality means. Asexuality is the absence of any sex drive
Anonymous 70412
>>70410>There are already other synonyms like "frigid" so why get angered at this one?Then why do we need a term that isn't just "frigid"? As you literally say.
>It's just a term/terms to describe a specific experience.If frigid is good enough, why use it? If it isn't good enough, why not? Why classify "little interest in sex" with being straight, lesbian, gay, whatever?
Anonymous 70413
>>69156my mother told me that nobody wants me around, that i ruin everything for everyone. i know im better off dead, cant even afford to move out because i work part time and im in college full time. i dont know how id ever afford to live on my own, suicide is the only way to escape the way she treats me. i want to feel at peace.
Anonymous 70418
>>70409>A lot of people develop crushes as early as in kindergarten or primary school. I don't think that has anything to do with libido.Well, that's certainly one conclusion you can draw. There's another one, but we're not allowed to talk about that one, so I give the round to you.
Anonymous 70419
>>70417So libido so low as to be felt as if it were an absence.
Anonymous 70436
>>70412I'd assume because frigid has often been used as an insult. Asexual is a neutral term made for themselves.
And attraction to one, the other, both, and neither seems like a related set of concepts to me. Covers all bases so why not include it?
These are just my thoughts though. I am still genuinely curious as to why you dislike it. Does it feel as if they're claiming oppression or something?
Anonymous 70441
>>70436frigid always seemed odd to me because it's often said by males that don't even want to cuddle without there being some sort of sex thing attached to it. some even claim it's being "used" for emotional support or lead on.
Anonymous 70448
>>70436>These are just my thoughts though. I am still genuinely curious as to why you dislike it.I've already told you why, you said you disagreed, that's that really. Only other thing is because it opens the door to all kinds of trans bullshit too.
>oh but just allowing asexuals to do that doesn't cause any problemsIt completely enables the cancerous mindset.
Anonymous 70449
>>70436>I'd assume because frigid has often been used as an insult. Asexual is a neutral term made for themselves.Blacks reclaimed the n-word and faggots reclaimed faggot, why can't frigid people reclaim frigid?
Anonymous 70451
>>70419Ok…?
>>70448>it opens the door to all kinds of trans bullshit too.How?
>cancerous mindsetWhat cancerous mindset? Why are you so butthurt?
>>70449Why can’t we use a neutral, community-created word, “asexual”? Who is is hurting?
Anonymous 70452
ffd.jpg
>>70400>>70405>>70409I do want to have sex but I just can't trust anyone. Maybe my lack of self esteem and inability to trust people are keeping me from messing around with people.
Anonymous 70454
the TA said I missed most of my assignments, even though I sent all of them already
Anonymous 70455
hey can i talk to someone
Anonymous 70482
I think there might be something broken with me. I'm in a great relationship somehow but I'm slowly realizing that I'm so deeply horrified by the thought of losing someone to illness or an accident that I'd prefer never even having any attachments ever. Seriously it isn't like I'm thinking about it often but when it does, it fucks up my whole day. And I start wondering why I even bother because there's so much more safety in solitude.
Anonymous 70484
>>70482Implying you wouldn't regret wasting your whole life being a spinster and that that's not worth being scared of
You are just looking for reasons to be sad
Anonymous 70485
>>69156I'm thinking about cheating on my boyfriend. He is cute, he treats me well but I never cum when we have sex. We've been together for three years. I want to try with a different guy to see if it will make a difference. I don't want to hurt him and I don't want to end the relationship yet. As an autist, I have few friends as it is. He's not hurt by what he doesn't know… right?
Anonymous 70489
>>70485The sort of guy who will sleep with you in that situation, or not knowing you well, will not care about making you orgasm and the sex will be worse. Trust me.
You're better off to communicate with your bf and try some new things.
Anonymous 70490
>>70485You're a shitty girlfriend. Just talk to the man about your issue.
Anonymous 70494
1638752067783.png
Ol, so I told one of my classmates that LGBQ has too many unneeded sexualities and I got attacked.
They said that since the movement existed way before I do and that I'm not a part of LBGQI can't critique it (wich is the same as saying you can't critique the KKK or Nazis because you're not a part of their movement and they existed before you).
I said that demisexual (requering to have a strong bond, knowing well somebody or be married to have sexual intercourse) is not a real sexuality but common sense used by people to avoid sexually transmitted deseases and unwanted pregnancy, and that "fluid bonding" is a distorded and perverted word for something normal that couples do.
They said that everything can be normal and I must stop being closed minded. Their arguments were things that I've seen so many times on the internet that I at first thought they were joking.
Anonymous 70495
>>70494>They said that everything can be normal and I must stop being closed minded.I don't understand your problem. You said acting "demisexual" is normal, and he agreed with you that being demisexual should be considered normal. Where does the communication lapse happen? Do you think demisexuals
aren't acting normal?
Anonymous 70499
>>70495For me it's normal behavior that doesn't need a special sexuality name. It's pointless.
Anonymous 70500
>>70495>>70497>>70499>Demi- is a prefix that means half, partially, or something that is slightly inferior."Demisexual" implies that not being a sexual deviant, and having a normal, heterosexual, monogamous sexuality is some kind of "below normal" deprivation or deficiency.
Anonymous 70503
60a.jpg
I think a cute dude was just trying to start a conversation with me but clearly got a bit chicken after he said it.
Sucks that I also was shocked and didn't know how to continue, but I'm glad I'm not alone in fucking up like this anyway. The other week I somehow ended up pretending to buy a phone just to talk to a dude only to not escalate, so I felt like a dumb idiot.
We are all just spaghetti-spillers together…
Anonymous 70504
1631408579137.png
So my friends want to add a 6th member to our gaming group who I have had beef with a few times, and I'm trying to decide how to deal with it.
This tranny has:
>gotten offended over my monster kink
>accused me and a fwb of ""supporting rape culture"" over us talking about our monster kink bc it involved a character he views as "exclusively lesbian" (there is no canon proof of this lmfao)
>stormed out of chat and left over this, refusing to talk, reminiscent of other abusive people I've known in the past to do
>clearly takes shipping and fiction too srsly, as seen in a couple other interactions besides that one
>once took a joke I made and then used it to flirt with two other people, excluding me from the play-flirting in the process
>wanted those two people to "fight" over his affection unironically (vomit, huge red flags)
>cheated in the video game and then lied about it when given the power to add illegally gotten items into it.
>has really just not bothered to be very friendly with me at all.
My friends have said apparently he is okay with racist jokes but I really don't care about that, I care about not having to deal with someone who is just going to immaturely blow up and ruin everyone else's day instead of talking about their problems like an adult. My personally funded server is not going to be fun for me anymore if I have to walk around eggshells on topics I don't have a problem with that will be read into as "problematic".
I am trying to decide whether I want to talk with this cringe nonbinary transbian or just passively see if my friends try to squeeze him in anyways.
Anonymous 70505
>>70497>>70499>>70500I was around on the internet when the term "demisexual" was invented on a RP forum in order to justify a slutty character being a slut but not having to "commit to sex". It was used to pass off horny ERPfags with "I'm demisexual" as a form of saying "No" to sex.
It's very dumb and its existence implies just saying "No" isn't valid enough, and you need a rainbow label to tell someone you aren't interested in having sex with them because you don't love them.
Any time the origin of the word gets brought up, it's hilarious to witness the backpedalling from snowflake aces.
Anonymous 70508
D8845DEA-5DCD-4862…
>Be me
>Graduate from college 5yr ago, start working corporate job right out of school.
>Job is top-of-the-crop by industry standards, which isn’t saying much because that’s an insanely low standard
> Like my job ok at first, but steadily become very depressed and burnt out.
> Dedicate roughly 10 hours a day to my job plus another 2 including commute, am earning just enough to maintain okay financial health but there’s no way I’ll ever be able to buy a house or have time to raise a child with this lifestyle.
> Begin feeling like I am losing my own sense of identity because I don’t have time to spend on my hobbies, personal development or anything that feels meaningful
I want to make a career change, but I have no idea what I could do do where I won’t run into a similar quandary of low pay and poor work-life balance.
I have toyed with the idea of doing some kind of coding bootcamp but I fear that that industry will soon be as over saturated with eager desperate people too.
Anonymous 70512
>>70504Ask your friends what you're supposed to do if he does any of that shit (or something worse) again. Tell them that you're going to try to act like normal and won't change just because a new member finds every other thing you say offensive in some way. React to the retard's whining in a way that makes him look immature and you in the right.
Anonymous 70513
>>70504Why are you talking about kinks with your friends? Honest question I've seen people do this and I never understand why, like talking about sex or a specific sexual encounter can make sense but kinks? Don't lie anon are you in a polycule
Anonymous 70515
>>70508I don't know if you're looking for a real answer in a vent thread, but I'd look into Rad Techs. It's a two year degree you can pick up for cheap at a lot of community colleges. Pays pretty good. Even if it doesn't interest you, it might be good to have a backup plan
Anonymous 70517
>>70484dumb misogynistic response. I didn't regret having 0 romantic experience in my teens and didn't desire a relationship. And also, a ton of women regularly regret getting married, etc. Grass is greener on the other side, all that.
You sound more like you're the one that'd be scared of being a spinster. It is true that it's dumb to look for reasons to feel sad though.
Anonymous 70522
>>70512Ooh, this is a smart way to look at it. Thank you, I'll try just that! He's kind of a manipulative pos and my fwb is semi-aware of this.
>>70513It's like a polycule but there's no romance because it's long distance, basically. There is sexual stuff involved between various vectors. I'm not the center, and almost nobody else is interested in me besides the center, but arguably we have one of the closer relationships of the others. I
have been trying to connect with the other branches, though.
I also lately have been feeling a little unsatisfied with it and sort of crave actually falling in love again, because I feel pretty affection starved. But that's a separate issue for another day.
Anonymous 70524
cropped.jpg
Sorry this will probably be long
But I feel like I seriously can only function in extremes, in like everything. I either feel absolutely no empathy for someone or I feel so much it makes me want to cry. I can either study for 10-12 hours a day or zero. I can read 2 or 200 pages of a book a day. I can go to church 3 times a week or 0. I can be the most talkative/outgoing/self-confident person in the group or the least. I can either love someone or hate them. There is no in-between.
I have kinda gotten good at hiding it so people only thing I am just sort of moody but I am a complete mess. I have "dropped" my favorite hobbies or my favorite people over the span of like one conversation, then go back on it again in a few hours, then again in a few etc. When people ask me what are my hobbies I don't even know what to say, not because I do not do anything, but because there is a high chance I will start to detest whatever I am currently doing within like a month or two.
I mean my swings are not like BPD but like what the fuck is wrong with me??? I admit I get a lot of shit done like this, but it is so not fun changing your entire worldview like two or three times per month. There was a week where I would mentally change my religion like 2 or 3 times a day. (Am I supposed to mention that during the confessional?). Fml
Anonymous 70526
>>70525
Well it's like, for like 7 weeks up until some 10 days ago I would study for 10-12 hours a day, then I found out that I am really quite ahead of schedule so I can afford to slow down (2-3 hours a day would be completely enough (by my standards anyway I would still finish the thing way ahead of its deadline)) but instead I am now doing 0 cause I don't need to hurry. I will probably wait a few weeks like this and when I start to feel like the deadline is coming close I will do 10-12 hours a day for a few one or two more weeks and finish it. Not like last minute, just whenever I start to feel pressured into it.
I mostly meant Borderline, I thing that I change too quickly and inconsistently to even be considered bipolar. It's more like, let's say we are talking about some singer whose music and personality I really like and then you tell me "oh yeah but did you know that he is a pedo" or something like that and the second I check it true I will start to hate him and pretty openly and never listen to any of his music again. Oftentimes it happens that I found out this was not true and I immediately reverse to my original state. It is like this with everything basically, I am at one extreme and the slightest thing tips me to the other.
Anonymous 70529
>>70527
I don't think I have bpd though cause I can control my anger fairly well, sure I am a choleric but its not like I go nuclear every 5 seconds and I also dont like cut myself or shit like that with the abandonment I only share the moodiness symptoms, really this goes for most disorders where I share all the moodiness symptoms but little else.
Anonymous 70533
Too gay for sex with a man, too autistic for dating a woman.
Anonymous 70537
Is there any true recovery for people who have dealt with prolonged child sexual abuse? I feel like even after all of these years of therapy I still reek of cluster B.
Anonymous 70541
I hate what my country is becoming. It’s not the country I grew up in anymore. I feel like I fit nowhere.
Anonymous 70558
i love my country/home and i wish i could live here forever but my bf wants to stay in his country and i have no job/life oppurtunities. i feel disconnected from who i am and visiting home for the holidays just feels right. i havent lived here for two years now.
Anonymous 70560
>>70558I have a similar thing going on. We live in my country but my boyfriend wants to go back to his but I want to stay here.
Anonymous 70564
>>70553>>70554USA. I live near LA and it’s gross.
>>70555Sorry anon, I know our politics are obnoxious.
Anonymous 70575
i'm fucking tired of having adhd. whenever im medicated i tend to downplay the effects in a self-deprecating way, like "oh youre just lazy" but then i take a medication break and i remember how hard it is to function. i cant get out of bed, i cant get off my phone, i cant finish tasks, im always so hungry. this is hellish.
Anonymous 70599
I'm exhausted. My insomnia problems got worse since march this year and I can’t remember the last day I rested well enough to not be extremely low energy, dissociating all day and forgetting basic stuff. I’m even taking meds but the problem it’s not solved. I started working at mcdonald’s in october and I was so optimistic at the beginning but my sleeping problems are affecting my work performance. I also need to stay working because mom it’s having economic problems to maintain the home and I’m going to start college next year. I just leave early today because I felt like fainting any time…I can’t take it anymore. I want a good sleep, there’s nothing I desire more.
Anonymous 70609
7e78d312a258e19ea8…
Does any one else get January depression? I love December, it makes winter actually bearable. I love seeing the town packed with people and the lights everywhere and being on holiday and all that shit. But just knowing in a few weeks it'll all be over and it'll be fucking mid January and it's nothing left except the manky 24/7 grey sky is so depressing. There's no actual holidays or occasions to even look forward to for a while after that point.
Anonymous 70613
cancer.png
Do any of you pretend to be male in online communities? I'm too autistic for offline friendship so the internet is all I have. I love the kind of (ironically) genuine and drama free interaction you can have with men by pretending to be one of them, but inevitably as the group grows closer I have to exclude myself from certain activities to maintain the lie. It's hard to stay close when they switch from mainly text to VCing all day.
I revealed myself twice thinking after multiple years of online friendship their attitude towards me wouldn't change, but both times it did dramatically and both times I had to leave the group because at least one member would make things unbearably awkward.
I tried looking for female only communities but I've been unsuccessful. Either there are none that are related to my hobbies or they're so very normie I feel like an alien.
Anonymous 70620
>>70609Oh my god, YES. I love the sentimental 50s Christmas music, I love the multicolored lights, I love the smell of pine and cookies, I love walking througb decked out shopping malls and getting Christmas gifts, etc. December 26th is the most depressing day of the year.
Anonymous 70629
>>70613>men>drama free interactionThis has to be bait
Anonymous 70635
>>70620nah nah nah, the 26th is universal "do fuck all" day, and you have new years to look forward to, then it's all downhill
Anonymous 70636
I want to go out and participate in activities so that I can find some friends. But there is nothing going on thanks to Corona.
Anonymous 70642
Gramgram just died.
It hasn't been a day and there's already family politics.
Religious or ethnic/traditional burial? Where did her savings go? Who gets the inheritance?
I feel disgusted. Not by my relatives, but by myself.
Because she, for some reason, I don't know why, had such high hopes for me. Of all the grandchildren she's had, I was her favorite. She always said how she hoped I'd succeed in life, and how she wishes she'd see my children some day.
I'm sorry grammy. I'm a failure.
Anonymous 70644
>>70629When they think you're one of them it sure is. Over several years it was all video games and chill, no weird conflicts or disagreements. It only went to shit when I outed myself and they all chose to act like I'm a completely different person now.
Anonymous 70648
>>70636 this may sound funny but I suggest you start searching juggling, it is really fun, challenging and super addicting. It can be done almost anywhere! good luck.
Anonymous 70654
>>70648Nta but I need to express my amusement toward the fact that your mind went immediately to juggling.
Never change, CC.
Anonymous 70673
1525978139421.png
My dad just came home from work and told me about his day. Although he didn't recognize it as such, he said something naively racist to a customer as a joke or something. Now I'm worrying that the same customer will stereotype people like us as prejudiced and stupid or even talk about his negative experience on social media.
I wished I could stop caring about my dad saying dumb stuff in public which he often does. Why does it even matter to me? I don't know.
Anonymous 70674
I'm always going to be an outsider no matter where I go.
Anonymous 70683
Just saw a video of myself actually taken with the back camera and…wow. I look horrifying. I understand why so many people have called ugly or why random men call me slurs a lot. I might never have to money to fix myself.
Idk why life had to be so unfair. All I needed was to be a 5 and be plain. And it wouldn't matter that much. But so often people have reminded me of it.
For the longest time I skated by on the cope that people were just being mean. But I am genuinely one of the worst people I've ever seen and just for the record I probably go weeks without seeing anyone notably ugly.
The skin of a haggard ghoul. Dead, droopy, sunken eyes with long lines cutting into my cheeks. The two sides of my face look completely different and I get comments over this. Deformed ears. Droopy, crooked nose. Fucked up teeth (starting from when I was a child).
Like. Seriously. Why tf. I might just wear a mask for the rest of my life bc if anything I've found myself LESS VAIN and self conscious while wearing it even though it is such an act of self consciousness.
Anonymous 70685
>>70683Anon, you don’t have to look like that if you don’t want to. Get some plastic surgery. Take out some loans and so you can get it sooner.
You can make a big improvement right now with just make-up to mimimise your nose and eyes, keeping your hair in front of your ears, and not smiling with your teeth.
Anonymous 70705
I feel so miserable again. Haven't feel like this in a while, but it always comes back.
This time I feel pathetic, lonely and I honestly just want to kill myself. Got to see my bf again after some months but he leaves again today for a few months. Finished college but can't find work at all, the only friend I have started ghosting me most of the time and just answers with 1-2 messages every now and then. I'm just a mess in every possible way. I'll probably cut myself again in a couple days. I honestly don't know what I'm doing, I'm locked in the bathroom with my laptop while my bf sleeps, I'm just here crying for some reason.
But well, don't mind me, I'm just another BPD
Anonymous 70711
any friendcels here? im in my mid 20s and havent had a friend group since high school. im like an incel getting triggered whenever people talk about relationships but for me its friendships (i dont say anything out loud ofc)
Anonymous 70713
>>70711that's me. being a moid-obssessed pushover in 2 relationships for about 7 years destroyed all traces of friendship I managed to acquire in my teens.
Anonymous 70731
>>70711i always felt like there's something wrong since i never had childhood friends growing up. i'm very distanced from the people i knew as a teenager, i was not remotely popular or liked in middle or high school. hearing about friendship from other people doesn't trigger me though because even though i'm jealous i can't really miss something i never had
Anonymous 70736
>>69156there is no one else in my whole life that will just ask for money like my sister does. like anon buy me and my friends this game. no im not gonna pay you back but youre the one with a job, buy me this or that and she will practically hover over me and get me to put in my info and purchase and im such a weak willed beta i just fucking do it. otherwise she guilt trips the shit out of me and acts like i do nothing for her and i owe her the world when shes literally told me she gets stressed whenever i even try to talk to her and that im a burden to her. how is it my fucking fault that she dropped out and quit her job and fell for some nigerian prince scam. she even gets me to buy her shit for her boyfriend. living in this house is making me insane Anonymous 70737
>>70711Me too. Always thought I was a normie but realised a few years ago that I never really had any proper friends. Was always a pity friend, being used, one sided, etc. I gave up on friends a while ago and actually much happier for it. Don't have to fawn over others and neglect my own needs, don't get used and dumped, no more being second choice.
>>70736If you've always struggled with friendships, you're probably autistic. I think this is part of my issue anyway (late diagnosis).
Anonymous 70738
crying cat 8.jpg
I will never have a guy that genuinely loves me and puts an arm around me because he wants me to feel embraced. I have had relationships with them but they were always focused around sex or they wanted me to be their mommy. Will I ever experience what it feels like to be loved by someone? These thoughts have kept me crying for hours now
Anonymous 70761
>>70713please . dont be so real, i cant handle it
>>70731tism? social anxiety? maybe youre just freaked out about getting close to people, which i understand
>>70737you have to be a special kind of ted kaczinsky to be able to give up on friends. companionship is a fundamental human need, without other humans to be close to you start to feel like youre not one anymore. how can you be friendless and still feel like a person? everything is so lonely, there are things that are so much more fun with two people than one…
Anonymous 70763
>>70737Just realised this was meant for
>>70731 and not
>>70736>>70761As someone else said, it’s hard to miss what you’ve never had. I do have a bf I live with so I’m not a complete loner but being alone doesn’t really bother me. I have to work hard to pretend to be normal around others and it’s nice to be able to relax and be myself and have everything exactly how I want it (I can be very picky and get bored easily).
Anonymous 70770
Emb4vo9U4AE3YmB.jp…
Starting to struggle with this pandemic shit now. I had a really horrible time in school and wasn't able to really have much more than a tiny group of friends, was extremely shy and anxious and all that. I've felt myself coming out my shell though, I can hang out with all the normies at work and be normal and funny (according to them c:). But I'm in Uni also and it's no going well at all. My entire first year was wasted, entirely online, almost dropped out or probably almost even killed myself. Now there's talk of a second lockdown. Like holy fuck I chose the worse time to go to Uni. Really running out of this golden time to make connections and make actual friends fuck 2022 is just going to be more hell isn't it?? :(
Anonymous 70771
mistake.png
i am so acutely aware of what is wrong with me and i feel like i am waiting to die.
Anonymous 70776
I have been posting about my husbando on /a/ for years already, almost every day, and people generally ignored my posts, until tonight someone told me to take a break from those threads. Apparently I've been in them for almost four years.
It feels so weird to be acknowledged like that. It feels slightly cathartic
Anonymous 70778
>>70776Lmao who is the character anon?
Anonymous 70784
>>70763my issue was that when i did end up having to separate from men my loneliness became more prevalent. since they were kind of what kept me feeling friendship. if you ever have to lose your moid, which if he’s good i hope you don’t, you will be facing the same situation. it might feel contenting now but friends can be things to you that a romantic partner can’t, and will be there steady for you when you are experiencing fluxes in your romantic relationship
Anonymous 70787
>>70763>I gave up on friends a while ago>I do have a bf>bf>boy-friend>friendOpinion discarded
Anonymous 70789
>>70776What series? I'm glad that's the reply you got though, and not something nasty.
Maybe you could post in the waifu threads instead?
Anonymous 70791
about to do a full day of babysitting on 4 hours of sleep wish me luck
Anonymous 70807
>>70784>>70787I do see both your points but we regularly spend months apart at a time.
Anonymous 70819
yurm.jpg
so, last year i decided i should start being sweeter to this guy i grew up with ( i have known him since kindergarten and was autistically
playfully mean to him ) because he has been really down with his parent's divorce and abuse + his depression diagnosis always complaining about being lonely and sad ETC. i wanted him to have a good experience with a girl so he wouldnt turn out incel, and to generally have a nice time with all the bad things happening to him, so i started giving him hugs and he started giving them back spontaneously, and i didnt mind at first but then i suddenly changed my mind and started avoiding him… well it turns out this whole time he was being sexual to me without me knowing, though i should have known since his main thing is being a pervert (weeaboo type porn addict coomeroid always talking about being h*rny and boobs ETC) but i thought he didnt see me that way (although he did grope me in middle/high school. but in his defense sometimes it was because he wanted to see if i had any boobs because i looked so flat) because i am very far from his "type" which is very curvy women and also because he said he saw me as his little sister (he actually has one for real). IDK, i feel sick, and everytime i remember how i used to let him touch me i feel like peeling my skin off and like a whore. am i being exaggerative ?
still, i hope he had a nice experience with me because i really dont want him to turn into an incel/have him get a skewed perception of females, and i hope i made some sort of positive impact in his life regardless
Anonymous 70822
Screenshot 2021-12…
ya girl is going out tomorrow im scared havent had a night out in donkey's
Anonymous 70824
>>70819>well it turns out this whole time he was being sexual to me without me knowingHow? Your hugs were giving him boners?
Anonymous 70826
>>70778Anon I would be happy to tell you but I've through the archives and there are hundreds of posts that I have made routinely, I am too ashamed even for crystal cafe.
>>70789It's not the same, I like being part of the generals. I honestly found the answer pretty funny, I'm still laughing about it.
Anonymous 70841
>>70819>his main thing is being a pervert>weeaboo type porn addict coomeroid always talking about being h*rny and boobs ETC>he did grope me in middle/high school>little sister shit>i thought he didnt see me that wayNow what's I call autism. What can I say ? Learn from that experience, and don't expect respect from that type of bottom of the barrel moid. You can't fix them.
Anonymous 70843
im sorry.jpg
>>70824he was feeling me up. i didnt notice or maybe i did and just chose to ignore it and forgot about it as i have a terrible memory. IDK. he admitted to it to my face
and he laughed about subtly "dryhumping" me on multiple occasions this is so embarrassing i havent told anybody this is the first time i am saying this… but that taught me a lesson to never let people touch you from behind so it all worked out in the end sometimes he did get boners when he was with me but he always told me it was because he was thinking of s*x or watching porn ETC so i just pretended like i didnt hear and ignored the situation and honestly what else is one to do TBH>>70841indeed i have an intellectual disability. well i thought he changed or at least didnt see me specifically like that since he compared me to a/his little sister so often. now i realize how egotistical that is. sorry about my autism
PS:i am against pornography and all things sexual in nature but i put up with his behavior since he had no friends/got bullied and we grew up together so i felt bad for him. and hes been that way as early as the fifth grade so obviously he wasnt going to change anytime soon now that we're no longer minors/teenagers… i never liked him romantically at all i just wanted to prevent him from turning into an incel or violent misogynist and showed him that nice girls do exist. IDK.
Anonymous 70849
>>70771I hope you come to accept whatever you think is wrong with yourself. There are a lot of things wrong with me too but I don't care anymore. Be proudly yourself.
Anonymous 70863
having my regular existential crisis about getting older and my lack of experience. 26, still a virgin, have gone on just one date, had a weird online relationship that I'm not sure if can count as real or not…at the very least, it's obviously a completely different experience than having a relationship in person.
men have never really approached me, and I know it's ultimately because I'm fat. I'm a bit of an oddball but I can usually play it off is quirkiness, which men don't seem to mind as long as you're attractive. I'm working on losing weight, but I'm still worried that by the time I'm finally conventionally attractive men are going to be too turned off by my lack of experience in conjunction with my age, especially considering that I kind of want a trad-ish relationship…not like crazy fundy rightwinger type but I'm pretty sure I want kids (maybe it's just baby fever) and I don't want to deal with that retarded polycule bullshit. I keep anticipating finally looking good but now only being looked at as a hookup option, and desirable dating options thinking there's something wrong with me for having gone this long without significant relationship or sexual experience. because I think I want kids I'm also worried that like…I'm getting older, finding a man takes time, what if I miss my window? idk.
Anonymous 70868
Waiting on bad news that could take weeks to come in. I feel stuck and hopeless
Anonymous 70869
>>70863Not fat and old beats fat and old. Not much you can do other than keep your efforts. You dont need to have a Victoria Secret body. Just to be not extremely fat. Keep the good work!
Anonymous 70877
>>70822update: fucking success :DDDDDD
Anonymous 70878
>>70863>having my regular existential crisis about getting older and my lack of experienceThis is something I'm struggling to deal with myself. Was on a night out and saw my friends using snapchat to leave funny stupid messages to eachother. I wish I could go back in time and be more ready to do social shit in school, like I wish I couldve been social and did social media and all that there. I'm only getting to this stage now and pretty late. It's heartbreaking, but be kind to yourself. You weren't ready for it back then, but you can enjoy it now.
Anonymous 70880
1b1.jpeg
No one has made this post yet so let's get it out there, on behalf of myself and any fellow miners who are stuck with dysfunctional families and may share the sentiment:
AHEM
FUCK CHRISTM*S
WORST FUCKING DAY OF THE YEAR
Seriously I get knots in my stomach every year when I first see holiday ads and decorations spawn around me and I'm once again confronted with the reality of this loathsome shit and how I'm going to have to be involved in it. Heralds of doom wrapped in sparkles. What an absolute fucking nightmare. Holy fuck.
Anonymous 70914
>>70869that's true, but being old and alone seems pretty painful in and of itself…I'd rather be alone than compromise for a shitty relationship, but like, I also really just want to be loved you know ;_; I don't know why but I have this fear I will put in all this work to improve myself (not just in fitness but in other areas of my life) and still just be a lonely loser.
>>70878>be kind to yourselfdifficult, but thank you anon
Anonymous 70915
>>70737>>70761i'm diagnosed, so i know. i wish that aspect could be cured, but it feels too late for me. i grew out of having social anxiety but i regretted getting close to people, every time.
>>70863i'm slightly older and feel like shit for having no experience. i don't like men so i guess i'm "lucky" in that sense but also not since women have been nasty to me since puberty, i just feel like table scraps in compared to other "options"
Anonymous 70949
Lately I’ve been in a man hating mood but I had to go to the ER two nights ago and the young doctor I met there softened me up a bit. A lot of drs seem like they couldn’t give a shit about their patients and just want to get them out the door, but not only was this guy extremely cute and handsome but was also incredibly attentive, caring, gentle, and soft spoken. I think young women are used to doctors dismissing our concerns but this man listened intently to everything I said and when I looked into his lovely blue eyes he had so much kindness and compassion in them. We made small talk and he asked me if there was anything more private or difficult I needed to talk about with him, he fetched me tea (I thought only nurses do that lol) and at the end told me it was lovely to meet me and a pleasure to have such a patient, he even waited with me at the end and made sure I was okay, helping me get into my cab and making sure the driver was safe. If it wasn’t a professional situation it could be mistaken for flirting but nope, he just seemed like a really caring kind person who looks after his patients well. This was my first positive interaction with a moid in a long while and it felt so nice to interact with such a pure person. It’s almost like meeting an angel.
Anonymous 70952
>>70949I don't want to dismiss your experience but this guy was literally just doing his job. It's so sad that moids not doing the bare minimum has been so normalised that when a guy does do his job properly we automatically think he must be doing it for sex.
Anonymous 70957
>>70952Oh I understand he’s just doing his job but I’ve met many horrible shitty uncaring doctors and nurses that this guy was just like an angel by comparison. Lots of doctors are just meh and don’t really care about the patients and just bark orders at the nurses or are generally arrogant assholes but this man was so kind and sweet and cute and you could just tell he was a really nice person who actually genuinely cares about his patients. And just his mannerisms and gentleness, it was like real life ASMR. He was so lovely to talk to and we joked around a bit, it honestly made my week.
Anonymous 70958
>>70952Also I definitely don’t think he was being nice for sexual reasons or really flirting lol that would be inappropriate given the context. It’s just nice to meet a truly kind male for once. And I’ve definitely never had an ER doctor offer to make me tea or wait with me at the door to get home lol.
Anonymous 70959
>>70957>>70958I totally agree with all of this, I just meant it's so unusual that it seems like he must have another reason when he was just acting like all doctors should and we're not used to that
Anonymous 71052
NEZ6JqP.png
My family barely scrapes by while both of one of my cousins has a 2 year old child and the other one got married recently and will probably get pregnant soon. And we have to gift her money because we ~that's how it's supposed to be~
They can afford pretty much everything within reasonable limitations and won't give any of us a dime, they don't even gift me or or my mom anything on our birthdays.
Anonymous 71053
>>71052Fake a pregnancy and beg for money from them
Anonymous 71061
>>71053My parents will refuse to play along and when they find out that the baby is not here I don't know how they'll react. probably will ask for the money back
Anonymous 71083
46C1625E-03FB-4076…
Just found out my favourite person i obsess over talks to other people other than me
Anonymous 71125
QaJ66CC.png
I'm contemplating pretending to be retarded just so I won't have high expectations/responsibilities placed on me and I'll have an excuse for my parents to aid me in almost everything.
Seriously, I can't do almost anything without the help of my parents. Is this normal for a 19 year old? Like I can't go to the doctor or the dentist without my mom, or someplace unknown to me.
I can't embrace the neet because my family can't support me for me to be a comfy one.
I don't know what to do, should I just push myself to the limit? I guess it's not going to get better if I give up at everything. I'm honestly dreading what future has for me since I can't "adult" properly, what the fuck will I be doing when I'm 40 if I make it that far.
Anonymous 71126
>>71125Also, i really want new friends or even a cute boyf, i want to talk to someone all the time but when I think about it there's nothing really I can talk about that is interesting. Maybe some weird experiences from childhood, i guess, but since I don't have a job and I don't go out often, I don't really have any cool experiences to share and bond over. Sure I can sperg about some niche topics here and there or complain endlessly about my mental issues, but it gets old quickly even if you're interested in hearing them, hell I'm too lazy/depressed to learn about things I'm actually interested in. Seriously no wonder that guy on reddit stopped talking to me, he asks me how my day was or what I'm doing and all I can reply is the same shit every day. That or maybe it's because it's christmas time, I don't know.
I know I shouldn't be focusing on socializing I should be focusing on getting my life together first, but everything feels worse when you have no one to talk to.
Anonymous 71127
>>71125>>71126Sounds like you actually have something? Maybe seek a real diagnosis?
Anonymous 71131
>>71127That seems like the best option for me, but I'll have to have money for that, that means I'll have to work as an unmedicated probably autistic girl with almost 0 real life experience, and I'll have to juggle visiting a therapist with my job and a bunch of other things
Anonymous 71132
>>71131maybe look for work online? depending on what you think you might have, you might only need to see a psychiatrist once for a diagnosis
Anonymous 71134
Just wasted $4 in theater ticket convenience fees because it decided to snow in December for the first time in 20 years…
At least it's pretty even if I'm to lazy to make a snowman.
Anonymous 71166
2008_Juneau_Stelle…
I am completely obsessed by seals and sea lions. There isn't any single day getting by without me looking at pictures of them. I read articles and wikipedia pages about them everyday at work, making me lose focus and productivity (I still get by). It has been few months. I used to obsess about small wildcats, I still think about them but now I can't stop thinking about seals. I'm going to make a cute seal pendant. I love seals and sea lions, even the ugly ones (pic related). I only dislike leopard seals because they eat other seals.
I can't wait to watch harbor seals resting like couch bananas in the wild.
Anonymous 71174
Don't know if I have cancer, a tumor(s), or something else entirely. Waiting on scan results for my mystery health issue.
I'm also constantly exhausted, and working towards an engineering degree. I'm trying to apply for internships, despite the fact that I have limited volunteer and club experience, due to the fact that I always feel like shit.
The only health insurance I have is through my university, and I also have to deal with the fact that I'll probably have to take out student loans next semester.
Basically, if I don't perform well enough in uni, I won't have insurance, and will likely be saddled with medical debt–assuming I can get treatment without insurance.
Despite this whole mountain of shit, I just wish I felt more energetic. I'm 19, but I feel like my body is already failing me.
Anonymous 71175
Made the mistake of going to a male gyno today. I thought it was a women. My symptoms have never been dismissed so quickly lmao.
Anonymous 71179
>>71175Sorry to hear that anon. Most male gynos are in to for the money as it's one of the best best fields (due to pregnancy). They don't actually care about women's health.
Anonymous 71182
My left upper eyelid has been twitching off and on for the last 3 weeks. It's getting more frequent. It's just the left one. I've read it could be caffeine intake. But I don't have that much… one cup of coffee in the morning, which I've been drinking for years, and a cup of green tea on my last break at work. It could be a lack of sleep thing. I think I'm developing insomnia, I wake up at like 1 or 2am nightly and can't get back to sleep and just lay there til my alarm goes off. I think I might only get 3 or 4 hours of sleep a night.
The twitching is getting worse…
Anonymous 71187
i just turned 20 and i don't know what to do with myself. i got into university at 16 but because of stupid immigration stuff i can't legally work or afford the international student fees. after 3 years of living like this i've gotten over being lonely but now i just feel so purposeless. i live in a very isolated community too (30 minute walk away from a gas station) and i can't drive yet, so i'm pretty much stuck at home all the time. i've taken some online classes already but at this point i just feel so demoralized and tired i don't know what else i can do.
i only have a few irl friends and whenever i see them they always ask about whether or not i'm in school yet and it all just makes me feel so suicidal. i even dread going to the dentist sometimes because they'll inevitably ask what i'm doing and i'll have to bring up my subtitling side gig.
i just want to go to university and get a job and experience the world. i'm very grateful that i have parents who will house me but it's still very frustrating to be an involuntary neetcel.
Anonymous 71189
>>71182Anon are you vegetarian or vegan? Or do you have stomach issues or bowel issues? This reads as the beginnings of B12 deficiency (or another vitamin, a few do this)
I am still recovering after being diagnosed with in it October. Insomnia was one of my symptoms and twitching is still hanging around too, in my left eyelid as well (though it's in most of my body). I have about 3 more months of nerve recovery to go still
This sounds like "weird hypochondriac homeopathic person on the internet" bullshit but I try to make sure other people are aware it's an actual issue now since it sucks ass. Hope it's that easy for you
Anonymous 71190
>>71189This could be helpful. I'm not vegetarian but I used to be. I have a known vitamin D deficiency that I take gummies for. Also since I never get sunlight or go outside if its not going to work.
Do you just take B12? Is there anything else you're doing?
Anonymous 71191
1535111992423.png
>come home for the holidays, excited to see family and friends
>remembers i only have one semester of college left before i enter the ~real world~
>worried about future and grad school applications
>guy i like gets a gf, other guy i like doesn't pay attention to me anymore
>weather is dark and rainy
>mental health worsens
>gets covid, family and friends judge me
>new years eve plans probably canceled
>has nothing to look forward to
>stuck at home
when will it end
Anonymous 71196
>>71187Just make things up or say you are busy with classes.
> i even dread going to the dentist sometimes because they'll inevitably ask what i'm doing and i'll have to bring up my subtitling side gig.I hate that it’s socially acceptable to pry and then make judgey comments about people you don’t even know or understand.
Anonymous 71201
>>71196probably the best thing to do. thank you. and yeah it is really annoying… why can't we talk about my teeth or something? why assume that everyone is in the same situation?
hope you have a good day!
Anonymous 71204
>>71196NTA but when my friend went to a doctor last year and the doctor asked where she works, the doc called her lazy when she said she isn't working anywhere. It's especially embarrassing telling you're a dropout and will probably never have a high paying career to someone you're trying to make friends with.
Anonymous 71208
>>71204I hate this too, especially people who immediately ask where you work/what’s your job/where you went to college/etc. It’s them trying to work out your social ranking and (perceived) intelligence compared to them.
You’d think a doctor would be more aware of depression, ADHD, and whatnot that can prevent someone from working.
Anonymous 71209
93943314_p0.jpg
I wish I was smooth and charismatic, I hate that I'm stuck being a friendless autist getting socially rejected by other autists.
I often feel like socially retarded women like me are the most hated group. When trying to open up I keep getting shit on, even by autistic men because "girls being shy is cute, people accept them unlike shy men" when society rejects any mentaly ill/friendless woman that doesn't fit the cute shy girl uwu stereotype.
It feels like the world literally views me as broken.
Anonymous 71211
>>71209I don't think they like shy women much either to be honest. I try to keep quiet as much as possible around people I don't know. If they ask me something I am polite. Yet I am always annoying people even if I don't say something wrong. If you're ND and not 100% perfect at masking, you just can't win.
Anonymous 71213
110592649299738.jp…
>>71211>I don't think they like shy women much either to be honest. Yeah, you are right, sorry if I sounded judgmental in my post anon. I was more talking about how incel men have this media/anime influenced view of how shy women act and reject and isolate any woman that doesn't fit in that fantasy.
>If you're ND and not 100% perfect at masking, you just can't win.I feel the same way, most people irl find me being quiet annoying, I guess it just hurts a little that online friendships with people that I thought were similar to me end because of something as stupid as the "women can't be TRULY ND" argument. But I guess that's scrotum havers for you, at this point I don't even try to be friends with or relate to male spergs anymore, and I'm probably better off for it.
Anonymous 71215
>>71213It didn't come across as judgemental, just sharing my IRL experiences.
>women can't be TRULY NDThis is so 20 years ago.
Anonymous 71222
>>71190Yep, I take a methylcobalamin liquid under the tongue, 1000 mcg x3 a day. Methylcobalamin can make certain people really anxious though so you can try the other types of B12 as well (cyanocobalamin or hydroxocobalamin, with hydroxo being the second best type after methyl). From the studies I read on pubmed, to treat a deficiency you need at least 3000 mcg in supplements per day of B12. You theoretically can't take too much B12 either, you just pee out the excess.
This is all I'm doing right now. Doctors are supposed to give B12 injections for neurological symptoms but mine never prescribed them so I was left to figure shit out myself
Also, you may want to make sure your gummies are working or enough since from what I read vit D deficiencies have similar symptoms. You would know more about that than me though
Good luck anon
Anonymous 71231
6D3B8F1B-868B-4E62…
Probably not the perfect thread for this but I couldn’t keep it to myself lol. I stumbled upon this youtuber who seems nice but I can’t get over the insane lip fillers. They look like a deformity. Bimbo fetish? Body dysmorphia?
Anonymous 71235
>>71213>"women can't be TRULY ND" argumentWho actually says this and why? I guess moids, but what can lead to such conclusion?
Anonymous 71236
>>71235It’s because the doctor who first studied Aspergers only studied boys and so everything was written around them. It’s only in the last 10-15 years that everyone has realised that girls are autistic at about the same rate but mask better and present slightly differently.
Anonymous 71238
>>71235In my experience, it has more to do with autistic moids thinking that women and girls are so coddled by society that them having a mental illness doesn't matter, which is obvious bullshit.
Keep in mind, I only heard them say that on the internet, but it really bothered me when I was a lonely teenager. It doesn't really bother me anymore, since they are just idiots writing manifestos about how woman bad, but it's still the main reason why I don't even bother trying to have internet friendships with men anymore.
Anonymous 71257
9780c6950081ed69d9…
How the FUCK do you cope with the fact that there is porn of your husbando out there? Especially if you consider your husbando to be pure (or at least you have a pure image of him in your mind)?
He's not even my husbando anymore and hasn't been in years, but a couple hours ago I found some Pixiv artist's gallery who has my husbando as her profile pic. I was there because I opened a link to an R18 doujinshi of hers about an unrelated character. Seeing that avatar (with my husbando's image) attached to that porn doujinshi made me nervous. And then, in the recommendations, I saw an R18 gallery of hers about my ex-husbando, the cover wasn't even sexual but just the fact that it said "R18"… God, it made me so upset, I think at this point I should've already accepted that he's definitely gonna have some porn, that some girls are (understandably) so horny for him that they're gonna make their fantasies about him into drawings. I was horny for him too, but I would never dare cross that line (due to my fear of sexualizing him, sometimes I had quick intrusive thoughts about it). He was special, he's an angel, he's too pure for me to defile. It's not like this with any of the other husbandos I've had at all (there's one that comes close, but I was willing to sexualize him only if it was vanilla love-making with me, and it was too embarrassing to think about it so I fantasized about it little by little, but I digress).
Sometimes when I think about this, I remember that I can just go to Rule34 at any time and look him up in the hopes that he has 0 pics there because he's much more well-known in Japan and his source is super niche in the west. But I used to be able to ignore those thoughts before finding this shit.
I also hate the idea of sexualizing the other guys from the franchise he comes from, but I've already (unfortunately) come across one doujinshi in another artist's Pixiv gallery and a couple of explicit pics posted on an imageboard. But none of those involved my ex-husbando so I learned to accept it and was able to move on (with only a slight feeling of disgust). How the fuck am I supposed to move on from this?
Anonymous 71264
image.jpg
I don't want to post in the pinkpill thread on /b/ because it's not really a contribution.
But holy shit, I hate men so much it's unreal. The difference between a man hating women and a woman hating men is that, I won't go out of my way to abuse/rape/kill men. I don't care about them, I find them disgusting. If I had my way, I'd never cross paths with a man again.
That's it. I'm drunk, and needed to vent.
Anonymous 71291
>>71257Not much you can do except limit your online exposure to him as much as you can.
It also sounds like you might have some sexual hangups but take that with a grain of salt. Anonymous 71298
7F9F39DC-F295-4AA5…
>picrel
does anyone else do this? i used to all the time back in middle and high school, and still now to some degree. like i will change my humor or typing style slightly to match whoever i’m talking to, only online though. im always the same irl
Anonymous 71299
Just remembered a random pickme moment that’s left me cringing. I met this guy when I entered college and it was his birthday a few weeks later. Being a tryhard, when we went shopping and he was buying some new shoes, I offered to pay for them as a gift, about ~$100. I got other stuff for him to open on the day too.
When my birthday came, he got me about 5 books. They weren’t even any books I was that interested in. Not only that, but he had got the cheapest copies available. Some used, some just incredibly cheap editions of classics on poor quality paper. He didn’t buy a card and wrapped them in newspaper.
I remember opening them in front of his flatmates and trying so hard to hide how disappointed I was. I didn’t say anything after either and kept dating for another year and a half, during which he got me other books, games, and movies that I had no interest in.
One of which was a book he wanted to read but told me he would read it first before giving it to me. I had no interest in the book and it was clear he gave it to me just to justify buying it for himself.
The last gift he gave me was a phone table for Valentine’s day that I said I liked in passing outside a shop. I didn’t have a permanent apartment so I ended up giving it my parents. He then had the gall the throw a tantrum because I didn’t get him anything because I wasn’t sure what he wanted and wanted to give him something he’s actually like, even if it meant it being late. You’d have thought he had put great effort into his gift by the way he acted.
Anyway, remembering it all makes me sad to think how low my self esteem must have been to put up with that and worse behaviour. How desperate must I have been for any type of attention, for someone to just acknowledge my existence. I would have been clearly better off being single but I lacked something so deeply that I preferred being constantly reminded how little he cared about me.
Anonymous 71300
>>71298No, honestly I can't relate. I have heard of that concept before and iirc it's named something like 'Social Chameleon'.
Not sure if it's the exact same thing but uh, there it is.
Anonymous 71301
ruska trolling.png
i am friends w this guy who occasionally sends cat pics but sometimes he says some real triggering shit and it bothers me. i dont want to abandon the guy in his hour of need or whatever but as someone who is trying to make honest steps to some semblance of recovery its really tough dealing w someone whose constantly self defeating and talking about how they harm themselves. its not a convo i enjoy having and i dont care if i sound cold or like a pussy about it. i dont always want to be someone's emotional support and i most definitely /do not/ want to spend 30 minutes hearing about how good you are at self harming!!!!!!!! get a fucking hobby like the rest of us
Anonymous 71303
>>71301It's compassion fatigue and it's okay to feel like this. Some people really don't understand that their mental trauma isn't a 24/7 free pass to another person's time and brain space. You would not be in the wrong if you blocked him.
Anonymous 71304
>>71298I do it because I have to. Around my friends and my boyfriend's family, my humour and views are acceptable and no one is going to be offended. With my own family and work friends, I have to be absolutely neutral at all times, with no opinions or thoughts beyond the most basic and latest official MSM endorsed talking points. With friends from my hobby groups, I can inject a little bit of my actual personality, but not too much to avoid being suddenly blacklisted one day for some minor joke or opinion.
Anonymous 71305
>>71304I feel you. I can only express my political beliefs on the internet.
Anonymous 71306
I was so fucking careful about covid all this time, and just once, I had a conversation with my mom while neither of us wore a mask. It was less than 5 minutes. Now I think I have it. I thought I'd be freaking out but I just feel nothing at this point. Truly I am tired of all of this shit.
coping for my laziness and autism 71307
>we're not trying to look pretty for men, we're doing it for ourselves
t. spends 1h a day painting her face, buys overpriced clothing that's uncomfortable or even harmful for one's health
I swear to god, these things shouldn't be normalized.
I'm already too dysfunctional to take care of myself, and now I'm expected to put on an elaborate costume every time I go out fuck this shit
life is not a theater play
besides, the "doing it for yourself" thing is bullshit in majority of cases, most women DO spend a lot of time trying to look appealing to moids.
and even in cases where it is the real reason, nobody questions why looking a certain way is perceived as "pretty" by both girls and moids.
girls who are WAY into makeup and stuff like that honestly end up looking like freaks, there I said it
You can even see this happening to moids, particularly in bodybuilding. like, those roided out freaks who look like a condom stuffed with watermelons in the shape of a human. I honestly doubt any women find something like that attractive.
roided freaks are "doing it for themselves", as in trying to impress other moids, and without a reality check from the opposite sex, they just turn into horrific mutated abominations
Anonymous 71308
>>71307I think this makes sense, and really that being too into anything is going to be harmful. If you like to throw on a little eyeliner or something simple, cool. I like to do this before work. It's not
for anybody but myself. It takes less than 5 minutes, so its not like I'm committing my day to it.
If you get up 2 hours early so you can "put on your face" and refuse to be seen outside without it, then yeah, you've got a major insecurity problem, and are either doing it to impress moids or have deep seated issues about your own appearance.
Anonymous 71317
>>71308Another angle to this is a philosophical one.
Is it even possibly to do something purely for oneself?
When a peacock fans his tail, does he do it for himself?
Maybe fanning his tail does give him personal satisfaction, but the very reason it does so, is because the peahens have selected the appearance of their tails to be their species' idea of beauty.
There's no such thing as an idea of beauty / prettiness in a vacuum. One sex's idea of prettiness is a mirror of the opposite sex's idea of beauty that they selected each other for.
I've seldom seen anyone, girl or moid, strive for an appearance that they themselves consider beautiful but other people including the opposite sex don't.
Aside from the aforementioned body disphoric freaks, that is.
I'm not saying that nobody should wear makup or strive to be pretty, ofc. But I've noticed that on days when I don't go outside, I don't do any of that. I just sit in front of the computer in my pajamas and messy hair. So, if I do it for myself, why do I only do it when I know people will see me?
Anonymous 71323
>>71317I think that's a really interesting question. I was actually talking about this with a co worker of mine the other day regarding tattoos. Some people clearly get them to show off in highly visible spots - arms, hands, etc. But people also get tattoos in places that are ordinarily never visible unless they are totally naked.. It makes me wonder, is the intent to get it to display it for others? Or is it some sort of self actualization thing? The only answer I could come up with is that people probably get them for different reasons. Some to show off, some just to have it there.
Anything visual is hard to explain as "just for me", because normally we arent looking at ourselves, others are.
Anonymous 71327
some mentally ill tranny on another site i use keeps posting about browsing cc and hating it. like take a hint and get a life freak
Anonymous 71347
AF801379-609D-4374…
How do I get over letting myself be used for sex many times when I was younger? I let them do all the depraved shit. I didn't know better, I didn't know men see sex the way they do.
Anonymous 71350
My brother is such a disgusting pig that it gets increasingly uncomfortable for me to be back home for the holidays. He lives and looks like a complete neckbeard or deadbeat druggie. When my dad calls me, he constantly asks me to tell him to call him, but I feel bad because he doesn't realize what a hobo-looking mongrel my brother has turned into.
His closet is so disgusting, there isn't a single place on the floor you can step on because he just throws all his clothes on it. I went to use his bathroom one time, and it was completely black on the inside. My mom enables him by constantly cleaning up after him.
The chair I used to sit on for my desk at home was given to him when I moved out, and now the top part of the leather is completely ripped up and ruined. This hairy ogre managed to crack and destroy even the tiles in his bathroom.
To top it off, he has no respect for our family. He refused to have dinner with us on Christmas Eve, Christmas, or New Year's. He just barricades himself in his room and talks completely disrespectfully to his mom.
To be fair, I almost ended up like him but I moved out and have been trying really hard to get my shit together. I'm now much more capable and responsible than him, so in a way this is quite satisying because of all the times he called me "retarded", bullied (He's assaulted it me multiple times. Once by trying to strangle me and another by throwing a glass table at me.) and acted better than me when I was younger. My mom has also always treated him like the golden child and still acts delusional about how dirty (Saying he's her "cleanest boy") and deadbeat he really is.
Anonymous 71354
>>71347I find getting absolutely furious at the men involved helped. Afterwards I was able to accept my "share" of guilt so to speak (letting my low self-esteem control me to that extent) but first I had to realize that men who are willing to treat a woman like shit for their own sexual pleasure are worse than dog shit.
Anonymous 71356
I hate the way my brother talks to our mom. He acts like she's ruining his world when all she's asking him is to do his job correctly. A job that she gave to him because she felt sorry for him. I hate him so much.
Anonymous 71358
>>71257I am sorry, but it has to be said; you and moids who act like you right now towards their waifus are mentally unwell, disturbingly controlling, and have highly unhealthy views about porn and sex.
I hope you're just 18ish and stupid because "oh no, someone else drew porn of the character I like, he's ruined for me 5ever :'^(" is childish as hell. The fact that you want to search his r34 results and hope they're 0 makes you sound like a cuckquean
hoping to make yourself cry
on purpose. Anonymous 71359
>>71354I guess. All I feel now is powerless shame, and guilt over being so stupid. All those men have gotten off scot free even though they treated others like shit, and if I'd say anything all I get is something akin to "you're too ugly and probably lying because you're bitter" or "fucking used slut" (people don't have to say it out loud, many guys will be disgusted and try to find a non-damaged 18 year old he can mold into being Trad and Pure)
Anonymous 71360
20211220_231239.jp…
I really hope he didn't break his computer like a dumb-dumb while trying to rebuild it.
His silence is giving me bad anxiety. Talk to me. Use your phone or laptop or something so I know you're okay.
Anonymous 71363
>>71291Yeah, I guess. That's what I usually do.
>spoilerI never considered that before, but I don't think that's it, it's probably related to another issue I have that is way too specific.
>>71358>mentally unwellWhy yes, how could you tell?
>disturbingly controllingNo, I'm not like that with real partners, at all.
>highly unhealthy views about porn and sexI don't know exactly what kind of views you mean, it could mean anything from being a fucked up coomer, to being completely repulsed by the existence of those two things and wanting to ban them. But I don't think my views on sex and porn are unhealthy, and you don't know anything about me except for this one little thing that upset me at that moment but I already got over.
I literally said this only happens with one of my previous husbandos, who I fell in love with when I was a teen, and when it comes to the others I don't mind seeing that kind of stuff.
>makes you sound like a cuckqueanNah. Personally, I think deep down I do wanna lewd him but I feel too guilty about tainting his image to cross the line.
Anonymous 71370
FHZy7oTVEAAsR6-.jp…
oh NOOOOOO i'm feeling loneliness again
i want to connect to someone! i want to connect just once! but imageboards are all slow and 4chan is full of shit now!
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa even moreso than usual!!!
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH where are socially maldaptive autists like me meant to go
Anonymous 71372
>>71370very relate, being like us is hell
nice picture at least
Anonymous 71375
I paid 80$ so a psychiatrist could prescribe me 40$ worth of medication that’s just making me sluggish and exhausted. Fuck this shit. I’m keeping my mental illness, these people are sharks.
Anonymous 71379
The other day was my last day at this job that I really liked. Sometimes I hated it, but overall the work was fulfilling and relevant to my field of study, so having to quit the job to finish school was sort of a blow for me.
My team was a very close-knit group of folks that I respected and liked being around. But lately I've gotten the impression that nobody there really enjoyed my company and everyone was just waiting for me to leave.
On my last day, my team lead was like "we should all get together and do something! I won't hug you now because we WILL see each other again!" And another coworker was playing with the idea of asking his wife if they could hold a get-together at their house…
I would really like this, seeing them all one last time. But I sort of get the feeling that that won't happen, that nobody actually wants a get-together for me, that they all just want me gone.
One coworker, who I became somewhat closer to than the others in terms of talking and relating to him, made a big deal about "we're gonna miss you dawg" and "we're so proud of you for graduating" but he was the only person saying this. And then on my last day I sent him a thoughtful video (nothing weird, just a funny video about cigs because he wants to quit in 2022) and a text saying I'll miss working with him. He hasn't responded for days yet he responds to the group chat everyone else is in quickly.
I'm sorry, I know this is long. I feel like a total chump. I really like these people. I tried so hard to make good relations. And yet I feel like I've been cast aside.
I really really want to get myself out there but COVID makes going to social gatherings hard. I was hoping this work group would be a ticket to making new friends but that apparently couldn't work out in my favor, either.
I turn 30 in three months and I'm starting to get the impression that I'm just better off a loner.
Anonymous 71382
I've lost attraction to real men. I read a lot of books, fantasize, daydream and imagine stories that I've made up myself. I can literally read an entire book and see everything as a movie, my imagination is so strong that sometimes I mistake it for reality. I've always been into entomology, paleontology and biology starting at 7 years old while hunting for butterflies and other insects, and collecting animal bones at 9 years old.
Sometimes before I go to sleep, I fantasize about love stories with human-animal hybrids or centauroids. Sometimes I get so invested into the stories I make that sometimes I cry becouse I got too emotional with them.
Most of the main characters in the stories are beautifull young men, that are htbrids or centauroids, and because I got so used to these characters now I've lost attraction to real men because I want a merman or beetle bf. My entire gallery is filled with pictures of insects, mostly beetles, now having over 400 images.
Now because I constantly fantasize about pretty-beautifull, kind insect boys I can't get used to the real thing. Honestly I want to always live in my fantasy world, but I'm worried that I might turn into a fujo (if I'm not already one). I don't know why this worries me so much, considering that I don't even search for a bf.
The species of insects I mostly fantasize about is phanaeus, they're called rainbow scarabs.
Anonymous 71383
>>71370From where did you get this image
Anonymous 71385
I want female irl friends. I want to feel held and loved by another woman. I want to hear other women talk about things that interest them, or vent about their problems. Fuck, at this point I'm so lonely and starved for female companionship I'd settle for a friend who does nothing but complain about her asshole boyfriend, that's how desperate I am.
Anonymous 71391
How can you be a real human being who does stuff and experience things? I have kind of the same issue as
>>69157, and I don't know how to change. How do I network? How do I grab my own life with my very hands and fucking shake it and get to it? How do I meet people with similar interests and experience things with them? How do I meet life-long friends? I'm in my third year of uni and the last two years were lost to COVID. I am lost.
I tried putting in effort and stopping to talk to everyone, trying to take initiative. I met some fairly nice people, but we do not mesh well. Then I met this group of kids who have similar interests and thought, hey, maybe this is it, but we only managed to become acquaintances. Later they alienated me and I started understanding that they'd never let me part of their friend group. Thing is they didn't clue me in, like I genuinely thought they liked me. They put in effort and kept talking about how we should do this and that but I always ended up being ignored.
I feel alienated. And tired of trying and being lost. I'm not sure how you meet the people you're supposed to meet.
Anonymous 71393
>>71385Me too . I tried Bumble BFF and it wasn't great but maybe you'll have better luck. Every time I chatted with another woman she would always end up ghosting me or she wouldn't try to help the conversation along. Like I would be the one asking all the questions to try to make conversation and it was awful. Felt like no one else really wanted another friend but was on the app out of boredom
I did make one friend and we've gone out together like twice and chatted on insta a fair amount, but we're not at that intimate level of friendship that I want and I'm not sure if we'll ever get there
Anonymous 71394
70f28c4c3064cc7c79…
Romance and love are beautiful and something that everyone should experience in its purest form. Sex by contrast is usually nice at first but quickly turns into something gross and mundanely routine, with the nastiest people I met always being obsessed with it, usually all types of moids and lesbians, y'all so desperate I'm sorry. Makes me wish honeymoon periods lasted forever where it was all sweet talk and love and there was some mystery left to discover.
At this point I just indulge in flirting when I actually feel no desire for most people but I do seek out attention ironically enough.
Anonymous 71402
phoque3.jpg
>>71307>I'm already too dysfunctional to take care of myself>let's blame other women for my dysfonctionsYou know you don't have to ear makeup and buy overpriced clothing, kek
>>71317excellent post
>the peahens have selected the appearance of their tails to be their species' idea of beautyIt's interesting because male birds with bright beautiful colors evolved like this to attract females of their species
>>71370here, a cute seal picture for you anon
>>71394do you have ADHD perhaps?
Anonymous 71407
>>71391I feel the same way. I try to be nice to others that i see on a constant basis like at work and school and people are nice but it rarely goes above surface level stuff and into "hey let's hang out" stuff.
It did once with a coworker and then… Well, I thought it went really well, but then they never asked to hang out again. And now it's just weird.
I just want a group of friends that we can like go see movies and go hiking and go to bars and OH WAIT fucking COVID is ruining those opportunities for me. "Do you wanna insta?" Fuck no I don't wanna shove my face in front of my screen for an awkward conversation, I want I hang out. Jesus.
Anonymous 71410
I don't want to make a post for this so I'm just gonna post it here
Is it normal to be too embarrassed to fantasize about a person who is currently present in your life?
Anonymous 71437
>>71394i can't even be offended by your spoiler because it's half-true in my experience. it's crazy how half of the lesbians i knew were hypersexual as fuck despite the stereotypes about dykes being frigid feminists exists, makes me feel fake lmao
Anonymous 71466
Bf of three years left because he caught me cheating and I can't even explain why I cheated on him.
Anonymous 71472
>>71410Yes, it's normal, don't worry about that.
Anonymous 71489
I’m dissociating so hard and it’s scary. Everything is so scary.
Anonymous 71491
Why is he so fake.
Why is my sadness a repellent to anyone I know. I can't talk to anyone about how I hurt and how I feel, it hurts so bad. Everyone just wants me to smile and be strong for them all the time, and they hurt or punish me if I don't obey or when I fall apart.
>"you don't have to hide that you're hurting, we'll hear you"
>literally just goofs off with his other friends instead and doesn't invite me
>waited for him to say something back to me while I was having health problems
>just dropped and ignored
>get yelled at by my family for not accomplishing chores during their waking hours
>even though I rested most of the day due to being sick
When will I stop falling apart and disappointing everyone around me.
Why is women's pain and sadness such a repellent to men? It feels like,
>oh, you're not happy? I guess I'll just go fuck around with a woman that is happy then.
No one loves you when you're in pain.
You need to be "fun" for people to love you, and when you need love most and reality decks you in the face harder than facediving into the pavement, it isn't there for you.
Anonymous 71493
Sad-Cats.jpg
I don't know what I want for myself anymore and I feel so awful and torn up inside.
I don't love myself. I feel like such a mistake.
Anonymous 71494
>>71493God anon, same. I have no idea what I want out of life and how to go about accomplishing it, and it makes me feel like a failure.
Anonymous 71495
93e18ae8d46320b164…
My days have been the same for at least 11 months at this point, I sleep at 6-7 am and wake up in the afternoon or the evening depending on how much I'm willing to talk to my family, sometimes I don't wake up at all and sleep all through day and night then wake up when I feel hungry and go back in my blanket just to surf the web or play games. My dad broke my door lock and won't get it fixed because "closing your door always accumulates negative vibes and it's the reason you're so autistic" (Translation: we need to monitor you every hour of the day or we'll go crazy because you're so precious to us <3) I've been living a monotonous life like this for 3 years. I have friends that I love, but they all live far away and I have no mode of transportation or financial independence so I could uber my way to them. I can only see them once every 5-6 months after fighting a lot for it and getting my dad to drop me at their place. I don't even want to invite them to my house, I don't want them to meet my parents. My mom copied my friends numbers from my phone and now whenever we have any form of disagreement she just calls one of them and says "she won't listen to me, you should explain it to her because she clearly likes you more than her own family" Like wtf. What will a 3rd person even do, they just tell me that they understand it's hard for me but I should just go along with my parents this one time to not blow things up. I'm so tired of it all, I'm too old for this shit. I'm waiting to see if I'll get into the med school I want that's away from here or not, if not then ill kill myself.there's literally nothing I enjoy and no hope for even a decently comfortable life, talks about arranged marriage have already started and im barely 20
Anonymous 71501
>>71495You’re Middle Eastern/come from a Muslim family?
Anonymous 71502
>>71495If you’re from a muslim family you might find r/exmuslim useful as they have experience and resources for situations like this. Don’t kys, get out any way you can.
Anonymous 71503
>>71502>>71501I'm indian and hindu, though I will check out that subreddit since most of our societal culture tends to be the same anyway
honestly for me I think the only way to make it out is to get into uni away from here,I can't really take a leap into more adventurous methods of getting away since I've never really left my room and I have no real experience so trying something brave and then failing would actually get me killed before I can do it myself
Anonymous 71504
>SSRI makes me gain weight
>Start trying to slowly wean off it
>Immediately feel suicidal again
Why does it gotta be like this. I want to die
Anonymous 71505
>>71495>My mom copied my friends numbers from my phone and now whenever we have any form of disagreement she just calls one of them and says "she won't listen to me, you should explain it to her because she clearly likes you more than her own family" Like wtfmy mother does the same if it makes you feel any better, i stopped getting my friends phone numbers so she won't call them and embarrass me when we fight.
I lived a similar life to yours until i got to college, i delibrately picked the farthest college away from home so i would live in a dorm. I was secluded from the world for so long so my interactions with people were super awkward but i was determined to make up for the lost time and learn about the world as much as i could no matter how much it scared me while i was there and I did manage to make some friends who were willing to tolerate my autism, I learned how to go to a café and make an order, I learned how to navigate my way through the city and many more. Right now I still come off as extremely eccentric to strangers and i still struggle with communicating with others, I can't just easily shake off All the time my mother sheltered during my formative years, I just accepted that she damaged me permenantly in some ways and that I have to live with that but it's not the end, you too will find your way around these obstacles eventually.
Anonymous 71539
nopnipm.JPG
How am i supposed to fix my issues when my sister is just like me but even worse? (depressed, dissociating, a useless neet etc.) I dont know how to help her and it hurts, and i dont know how to improve myself when whenever i try to forget everything and be happy shes there to remind me of the way i am deep down.
Anonymous 71563
>>71502cool to see other cc'ers know about r/exmuslim :) they're how i started making major life choices
Anonymous 71570
I’m really really thirsty for a white guy. Goddamn they’re so hot and sexy ;_;
Anonymous 71644
I can't focus on anything, hobbies or work, for more than a few minutes at a time. And when I do, I force myself to focus so hard I stop breathing, which makes me dizzy and anxious. But then I get sucked into a black hole of scrolling twitter or imageboards for hours and completely check out from reality. This is an awful way to live, I can't study or work, I feel fucking disabled
Anonymous 71651
happy.jpeg
I'm wearing a tampon for the first time today.
It's alright. At first, it leaked, and I got scared it wasn't working. It's doing its job now, though. More convenient than pads for sure. My mom was worried it'd be "too big" for me. I can definitely see myself doing this over and over again.
I think I want to try out a menstrual cup next time. I don't have anyone to talk to about any of this, but CC is comfy
Anonymous 71657
i failed an exam and usually i would't care but it's the first time in ages i feel so bad bc of an exam. it was smt i was really confident in, i got a high score in the first exam but right now i feel like crying or cutting. how do i cope with being not smart enough for uni
Anonymous 71658
images (2).jpg
>>71657samefag but also i'm going to fuck up my already low gpa too, so there's that
Anonymous 71664
>>71644Try to use your pc/phone less. It really fuck with your attention and ability to focus.
Anonymous 71670
>>71664I second this. Legitimately good advice. Lately I only use my phone for GPS and messaging. Even deleted most games and social apps off of it. Now I only really use my PC for that kinda stuff. So much shit just gets done now lol. It helps that my PC set-up is in my garage so it's kind of an out of sight, out of mind deal.
Anonymous 71672
>>71651>My mom was worried it'd be "too big" for me. I can definitely see myself doing this over and over again.Massive tranny fetish vibes
Anonymous 71674
>>71657If it helps, a big part of getting good results in exams that no one talks about is that, like everything in life, there is a huge element of luck involved. Everyone thinks doing well it bad must automatically mean that person is smart or stupid when it isn’t that clean cut.
For example, did the part of the course that you are best or worst at come up? Were the questions written in a way that made sense to you? Did your professor teach the course properly? Did you feel good on that day? Did you have as many opportunities as everyone else to prepare? Were you physically comfortable during the exam? Do you have diagnosed or undiagnosed special needs? Etc etc.
This isn’t to make excuses but just to point out that a bad result doesn’t make you stupid.
Anonymous 71675
>>71674> Everyone thinks doing well it bad I mean “well or badly”
Anonymous 71693
>>71657I got a 60 on my second exam after doing well on the first and essentially 1. begged the teacher to give extra credit (not always possible) and acquired a 70 and then 2. studied hard as fuck for the final and got a 96. Just let it be a lesson to you, I cried so bad after my second exam I could barely talk to anyone the next day, but it turned out alright
Anonymous 71695
After getting the hormonal IUD for my periods few days ago, I’m already feeling regret.
I swear I can feel the strings when I move around and they’re so itchy.
Also I’m instinctively afraid to relax my stomach, because I fear that the thing will poke through the uterus walls.
And there’s this numb pain once in a while, as if it’s swelling.
Pretty sure I’m just being paranoid, but damn, it’s some body horror shit.
Thank fuck I’m a lesbian since I can’t ever get preggers.
Too bad my value in the WLW dating market also turned to negative, since only bi girls with scrote partners use this shit. I must be the only lesbian in the world carrying this fork condom around fuckkk.
I would’ve stayed on the pills to preven that, but they weren’t helping with the intense bleeding and pain at all. Plus osteoporosis from long-term pill use.
Fuck My Life.
Anonymous 71711
Not long ago I broke up with my bf and it felt good. Now I'm thinking about dating girls for the first time because I always felt bicurious. Signed on Tinder, matched a couple of girls and I had a huge anxiety episode and I don't understand why.
I have dating experience , why it would make me anxious to date a girl? I couldn't even read what she wrote because I just close the app and uninstalled. I wasn't even thinking when I did, after a few minutes it's when I managed to understand what happened and I find it absurd. I always felt like I was okay with being bicurious, but I guess I wasn't
Anonymous 71722
>>71711Maybe it has less to do with their gender and more to do with you being
happy finally being single? You said breaking up felt good so maybe you're freaking out over that?
Anonymous 71741
I hate the country I live in, the people are extremely unfriendly and became even more so with corona so I'm extremely isolated, but I can't afford to move anywhere else since I'm too mentally ill to work, which is being made worse by living in this shithole. I've been debating taking all my pills at once and just getting it over with.
Anonymous 71757
This place used to be so cosy, now it's so obviously overrun with moids, trannies and lolcow farm dregs, it feels like it gets more toxic by the day. It makes me pretty sad.
Anonymous 71772
Tired of having attachment issues. Fuck this noise.
Just want to run away before he does, but if I do I'll regret it like always. But what if he secretly hates me? I can't tell. I'm incapable of having real gut feelings or picking up signals. I just think everyone dislikes me which has kept me safe for years, but you can't do that when you're dating someone. The point is vulnerability.
This blows.
Anonymous 71777
I miss my dad, I know it sounds shitty because he only works on another city and I get to see him two days a week but my mom doesn't get me often times and I wish he were here all the time because I tend to feel alienated with my mom and I wish things were different
Anonymous 71778
>>71757I am new, I tries 4chan but it brought me great stress, I just want a safe space to discuss whatever with other women, if you have any thread recommendations around here please do tell! hopefully it can become more active because there is no other ib like this one imo
Anonymous 71788
fx5ij74jmeu71.jpg
>>71757It really did used to be a kinder and supportive place. The tone can get so harsh and bitchy now. Sad. It's definitely a moid-y vibe.
Anonymous 71789
>>71777Aw, anon, do you think your dad knows this? Maybe there are ways for you two to stay in closer touch throughout the week.
Anonymous 71793
>>71789He knows I soemtimes miss him so he always keeps in touch and never misses his visists, I want to go with him over the break but he's very busy in his job so I'm still thinking if I should go or not
Anonymous 71796
>>71794
me and my older brother who recently moved out
Anonymous 71799
I was in the car with my mom and stepdad, and my mom was contradicting literally everything that my stepdad was saying and it was so irritating I actually wanted to kick her chair. I actually feel slightly bad for him.
Anonymous 71802
If I don't get this job, my confidence will be fucked for a while. I'm so excited and hopeful to get into this field that isn't retail, it's almost embarrassing. It took me many years to start realizing I can accomplish adult things (sustaining a job, being able to drive/obtain a license, balance money, ect). My brain isn't used to success and is bracing for failure. The entire interview I tried my hardest but I was awkward as fuck and spoke too highly of my abilities. Looking back on it I cringe. I can only hope my competitors for the job had a horrible interview by comparison.. or demanded more money or something. God help me. I would literally spend hundreds on office attire. I just want to answer phones and do paperwork, fucks sake.
Anonymous 71805
>>71801sorry! english is not my mother tongue
Anonymous 71818
1499917547310.jpg
The braincancer is really starting to take my mom. I'm glad I had her til christmas - and she did REALLY well the week before christmas. She'd just received a blood transfusion and was walking around on her own and chatting constantly with friends. I was letting myself hope that she'd get better.
But now she hasn't eaten in three days (except for two yogurts) and won't even open her eyes when you talk to her. The doctors said bringing her to the hospital again for further blood transfusions would only stress her out and she said she didn't want to go either.
I'm not ready to be an orphan. We haven't even gone to Amsterdam and Venice like we promised each other.
Anonymous 71822
>>71722I felt good because it was barely a relationship at this point. He was always traveling because of work and we just spent a weekend or two every 2 or 3 months. I didn't break with him soon enough because it was a really long relationship, but I realized it wasn't going to change, so officially breaking up with him felt good.
>>71745Idk, I get along pretty well with other girls and most of my friendships have been girls. But for some reason it freaks me out to imagine myself dating one, even if I've had crushes on girls before.
Anonymous 71823
>>71818I'm so sorry. I hope she gets better. I lost my mom almost 2 years ago and now my dad is sick on bed, so I kinda understand how you must feel.
I would hug you if I could, but all I can do is to wish the best for you and your mom.
Anonymous 71830
>>71491Laugh, and the world laughs with you;
Weep, and you weep alone;
For the sad old earth must borrow its mirth,
But has trouble enough of its own.
Sing, and the hills will answer;
Sigh, it is lost on the air;
The echoes bound to a joyful sound,
But shrink from voicing care.
Rejoice, and men will seek you;
Grieve, and they turn and go;
They want full measure of all your pleasure,
But they do not need your woe.
Be glad, and your friends are many;
Be sad, and you lose them all,—
There are none to decline your nectared wine,
But alone you must drink life’s gall.
Anonymous 71846
I fucking hate how much German is shilled. Oh yeah come learn German, come work to Germany, its like such a cool country and you can get so much money!
I Dont care!!! I hate the language, I hate the country, I hate the people, I hate the country . Seriously this is the 3rd time I am trying to learn german and I really dont care about it, meanwhile I learned c1 French (by myself) in like 9 or 10 months.
I fucking hate it so much, why didnt Italy or Spain or some other cool country become economically dominant? I fucking hate german so much holy shit, I dont know how I will ever learn this language. At this point I feel like I have to cause I tried and failted so many times but I swear I just sooo so so dont care
Anonymous 71848
>>71846Why do you hate the people and the country?
Anonymous 71849
spongebob.jpg
In a few months I'll be 25 and I still don't know how to do makeup, so I thought I'd learn to looksmax.
I have acne scars that I've always really hated and have been trying all kinds of skincare products to desparately get rid of them. They haven't done much so I thought I would try with makeup, but it's not covering them that much either. Unfortunately, some kind of laser treatment that's probably going to cost like $2,000+ is only ever going to properly hide them, so I guess I'll have to accept that I'm stuck with them at the moment.
I'm also interested in eye makeup, but I don't know how to not fuck up eyeliner and mascara when my eyes keep twitching and blinking too much. How do women do this? I end up looking like picrel.
Anonymous 71851
The_Duke.png
I'm in love with the only person who is nice to me.
They always ask me to eat with them and laugh at my jokes.
I know they only pity me.
Found out that they are having a baby now.
They promised they would still talk to me when they go to look after the baby.
They even got me a rare vinyl for Xmas. I listen to it everyday.
I hope the kid is still born so I can be there for them as support.
Anonymous 71852
B12 deficiency poster from above. I'm just waiting to get 100% better (I'm at the minimum time for recovery but have like 3 more months til I'll be basically fully healed) but every couple weeks my brain tries to convince me that it's actually a rare chronic disease vs this common issue I was diagnosed with, even though I've been getting better from my treatment.
I talk to my therapist about it and she walks me through everything–coping mechanisms, questioning the thoughts, journaling– but whenever I do it on my own I can't stop the anxiety.
My anxiety really only happens right before the week of my period. I'm on the pill so I'm confused as to why this keeps happening, I thought the pill was supposed to level out hormones. I've been on it for years too though I've been on a slightly higher dose for the past two years due to painful periods. So the rest of the month I talk to my therapist like "yeah no I actually had a good week, not much to talk about" and then this one week I'm in a panic.
Before I started treatment I had anxiety all the time nonstop I never realized it seemed tied to my cycle…
Anonymous 71853
>>71846Then move to another country. There are other countries where maybe the economy isn't that great but it's possible to have a decent life.
Anonymous 71854
>>71852Your body remembers the pain.
Anonymous 71926
1618930720653.jpg
at random points my emotions just go completely on the fritz, especially with saddness+crying. My bf tolerates it and deals with it pretty well but I feel like i'm taking a toll on him everytime I do it. Does anyone have any management tips? Whenever I get even slightly bummed I start to tear up and my bf can tell immedietely so how to I alleviate his distress at my own?
Anonymous 71927
>>71926Dump your bf. Crying is normal human thing.
Anonymous 71929
>>71927might explained wrong-he handles it really well and is an amazing bf, i just feel bad for making him have to deal with it
Anonymous 71931
>>71926I understand why you worry about that, but you should be asking yourself why that happens at random points. Have you tried going to therapy? It sounds cliche but I can't think of something else, especially without knowing anything about you or your personal problems
Anonymous 71936
CEDA3C8B-420E-4A65…
So when I was 14 I had a sexual experience with one of my only friends at the time who was 12. To put it into perspective she was born in August and I in March. I’m just now realizing maybe that was kinda messed up? It was only a two year age gap? I don’t know if my OCD if acting up or I’m actually crying over this for a good reason. It’s honestly fucking with my head
Anonymous 71937
>>71926When you are stable just ask him how he is doing.
Say that your there for him if he needs you to do anything.
That you really appreciate all the things he does. (don't put yourself down at this point, that makes it about you. Make it about him)
Say thank you.
Anonymous 71945
>>71936Not messed up and if it was “consensual” then don’t feel guilty. Obviously a 12 year old can’t really consent, but you can’t really be considered a “predator” despite the fact that she consented and you preyed on her. Lots of kids have sexual experiences.
Anonymous 71952
>>71945I don’t think 14 year olds can consent either and we both agreed to it and laughed about it after. At the time it just felt like I was messing around with my friend. I had done it before with another girl when I was 12 and she was like maybe 13 or something. So it didn’t feel predatory. Just normal even though that sounds messed up. Cause it shouldn’t be
Anonymous 72000
84c134bdffc1ffdb4f…
women around me keep getting asked out. some of these women are even getting flowers and compliments and whatever. i've never even been treated like a woman. i got asked out once but it was a pedophile who tried to groom me.
i don't feel human anymore. all areas of my life are normal and healthy, and i'm even more successful than the average person my age. yet any attempt at love ends in failure. i can't do it anymore.
Anonymous 72030
God, I hate living around and with other people.
I just heard my roommate come back to our apartment awhile ago, from whever she must have been staying over the break, and she already keeps laughing obnoxiously loud again. She hasn't been messy or bad in personality to get along with, but I just can't stand living with any noise from other people. I was enjoying the peace and quiet while she was gone, but now I'm going to have to hear her loud talking/laughing and her boyfriend constantly again.
I can't stand my neighbors, either. They're always screaming like banshees and blasting loud music, even late into the night, and it annoys me so much that I start contemplating knocking on the wall repeatedly with a dumbell to signal them to stfu (Unfortunately, I'm worried that will make them retaliate against me. They sound like they're ghetto black people).
Anonymous 72046
How can I balance being very picky because I’m ND and gifts.
I got an expensive gift recently that I don’t want or need and I feel like I have to show myself being happy using it. If I don’t, the giver will be upset that I’m difficult to please and feel that they did something wrong. I will seem ungrateful too.
I can’t be truly honest about how I feel because me being picky is an issue and I have to try to avoid it coming up as much as possible.
I just find minimalism very calming and having stuff around that I don’t like or need or don’t want to waste time on very stressing and irritating.
Anonymous 72062
Even though I love skirts and dresses and wearing them at home, I have a phobia of wearing any type of revealing clothing outside. Even if it's just my arms or legs showing, I feel nauseous when other people look at my flesh or skin especially men. I'm not exaggerating when I say I feel like I'm being raped when a strange man looks at me in public. It's this horrible heebie jeebie feeling that washes over me. Does anyone else feel this way or am I just crazy?
Anonymous 72070
>>72062yup i feel like that
revealing clothing is cringe
men are too stimulated by it and women are too dumb to understand that
Anonymous 72073
41573ec02a8a884aef…
I wish I wasn't so sentimental because goodbyes hurt more than they should.
I soft "broke up" with a friend last night and have been mourning the loss today. The reason was out of respect for my boyfriend, since I was once in love with this friend for over a year. Not that we officially dated or did anything, it was kind of a weird friendship that skirted the line which he didn't want to cross for various reasons. Bf didn't ask or pressure me I to do it (he's very sweet), but the concept went against my personal morals and standards for myself. I put a lot of thought into the decision since this is a best friend who knows me better than most.
The thing is, he arguably wasn't a great friend to me and even admitted this himself. I forgave a lot since he is clearly mentally unwell and I care about him, but I got very little out of the relationship. Recently it has been especially depressing to know him since he is spiraling and won't accept help. So it was kind of inevitable that things would end which aligns with something he even said during the first few months of our friendship. He knew this was temporary but I guess I hoped it would be forever and, at that time, he'd turn his life around and love me the way I wanted.
But the loss of the level of emotional intimacy and familiarity we had just leaves me sobbing on and off today. And all the plans that are now lost to time because we just won't be as present in each other's lives…makes me so sad. It's something I'll probably still cry about years from now like I do about all lost friends, but time must go on.
I hope he knows how much I cared about him, and I know he cared too even if he was too fucked up to express it well. Heck, so was I to a degree.
If any anons have advice for speeding up healing from a friend break up I'll take it haha. This is painful.
Anonymous 72077
>>72073Are you sure you still aren't in love with this guy friend? It sounds like your feelings are still strong for him and that you're still very attached.
Anonymous 72081
>>72073Sounds like we have the same exact friend anon.
Anonymous 72089
>>72077It's hard to say. At some point it transformed into some sort of familial-esque bond because he was such an obviously bad match.
I've felt just as intensely about purely platonic friendships so I think it's just my clinginess. I loved him but was no longer
in love.Mixed maybe with some guilt that I'm letting him down by moving on. But he never took my advice and kept getting progressively worse so I doubt that it matters.
>>72081I'm sorry to hear that, anon. Loving someone that hurts to care about is hard. I hope your friend can also get better.
Anonymous 72105
I feel like I don't want to leave my city and always live near my family, we have been separated briefly but for the longest time so far and I miss them so much, Indo love hacing them in my life and being near, I'm feeling lonely because they are the people that I love most
Anonymous 72382
I am obese.
I despise myself.
I want to kill myself because I will never be loved or attractive to anyone.
I don't even blame them. I see myself as ugly as well.
Not to mention how being fat reflects my character.
I am losing weight slowly, but I am nearing my 30s. By the time I'm normal weight, I will already be past my prime. Not to mention the loose skin.
I want to kms
