(un)official blogposting thread Anonymous 69765
tell me about your day cc!
stories also welcome
I have no friends and I feel isolated. The only brething living being that made verbal communication with me was my cat. I went to the store and cried because one of the cashiers was way too pretty. Washed my hair but I could not remove all of the smell so I will wash it tommorow too.
How was you day OP?
>>69767>How was you day OP?
had school, it was the same as always. i should be studying right now but im slacking. i don’t have friends there either so i sort of understand your loneliness, but hopefully things will get better ^_^
Thanks, also remember that doing homework is important. At my school they don't give us much homework but when they do it's mostly importand team tasks.
Remember studying is good for your future.
I also have school tommorow but I'm online because of the plandemic, so I'm just resting around.
i should probably start soon cause i have an exam tomorrow..
do you prefer online to in-person? i’m planning to have all my classes online for my next semester (my anxiety has been pretty bad lately) though i was surprised how many people wanted to go back to school this year
I preffer in person because I don't feel so lonely and isolated. After the second lockdown when I had to be online again my family made me go to a phychologist because I was acting strange. It turned out I have developed two mental disorders, thankfully not so serious to be forced on pills.
Also when I'm in person I can talk to people, witch relieves my stress. I hate the lockdown, it makes me feel caged.
Honestly I wish I could take the lockdown and online studying lightly like you, but being alone with my own thoughts all by myself is not always good for me.
Good luck on your semester!
ah i understand that, it’s good that restrictions have let up at least and you can talk with people irl now.
thank you anon, i hope things will improve for you too!
Found out I filed too late to claim unemployment. There wasn't even a good reason for me waiting so long, I'm just really dumb and lazy.
I went to sleep at 10 in the morning, woke up at 6 in the afternoon only to waste 1 hour getting angry at an imageboard (not this one).
I haven't eaten anything yet. I hate letting this kind of shit get to me and depress me so much as if my life depended on the state of an imageboard.
worked on my online uni class for computer science and I'm really bad at coding, wish there was like a womens only (no troons) coding support/learning group or something cuz I don't feel comfortable getting tutoring from men and the only other resources I have are watching youtube tutorials
also been finishing up christmas gifts - baking macarons and gingersnap cookies, drawing stuff, plus bought a few things that hopefully get here on time
I asked for art supplies from my family as christmas gifts so I can get back into creating art and maybe sewing my own lolita dresses too (though I'll probably have to learn pattern drafting for that first)
What's wrong with YouTube tutorials?
they help a little but I can't rely completely on them if I get stuck or have questions which happens with me a lot
plus when I do projects I can't just copy the code in the tutorials, I need to be able to write it on my own
Is it 4chan? 4chan always manages to get under my skin even though I've lurked since a teen
I only use 4chan for a couple of majority female generals.
No, it's not 4chan.
Also, don't go on the shittier 4chan boards. Better yet leave that shithole forever as soon as you can.
See the 4chan feels thread that is still on the first page.
Thank you anon, I've seen that image before but I needed to see it again
left my house for the first time in a week to go out to eat alone kek. i work tomorrow. i hate the need to wagecuck hah, wonder when i'll just go full hiki
Not a big blog, but I am posting to stay accountable for talking to a guy in a few minutes. I'll report back.
planning my suicide lmao. surprisingly a lot of fun!
I am stupid and his big round eyes distracted me, making my social skills even worse. This dude has even demonstrated a lil mutual intrigue. Perhaps we're both kicking ourselves.
Been suffering too long anon, have nothing to offer this world etc etc. My parents would be sad but it's okay. Hope it goes good with your guy anon :) <3
My job is cushy and I work from home but got dam I cannot work today
Why am I so fucking lazy
>>69846> have nothing to offer this world
Anon, please. Get out of that capitalistic mindset that you’re only worthwhile to live if you contribute to society. Just live your life. Forget about everyone else and just do what feels good. It’s what many others are doing.
Leftypol because I'm into leftist (not liberal) politics and it used to be quite a decent place for women and a breath of fresh air after wasting so many years in the misogynistic and reactionary shithole that is post-Stormfront 4chan, until recent incidents that led to my favorite and the second most active board becoming full of gross incel shit that the mods do practically nothing about, even though they had said they would delete all incel threads. The other day, a dude who was spamming porn videos along with misogynistic rhetoric ("these women are sluts out of their own free will", "feminism is great because it encourages women to do this") was banned, not because of the misogyny but for "spamming gross shit" lmao. This is in addition to all the racist bait (mainly between blacks and whites) and other such retardation. It's like a fucking /pol/ colony at this point; their excuse? "this is the random board, stop complaining about it because wanting any moderation on an imageboard is just like reddit". Oh and the loli apologists in the /anime/ board have done it again and managed to extend a small thread into 100+ posts with their mental gymnastics. The other alt boards are mostly dead. The main board /leftypol/ isn't the same it used to be, either.
I'm finally telling you this because I've given up, there's no point in hiding my frustration with the site anymore.
I honestly think it's time for me to stop using imageboards altogether because none of this is good for my mental health, but this habit is hard to break.
Come on anon, you were already just sweet to me and made me a bit more confident in my situation. If you're not an actively malevolent person then we need more people who are nice in the world.
I used to SH and also want to kms because my inner monologue was "you are a useless piece of shit" 24/7 and it made everything more miserable. But if people who are genuine trash garbage and rape/kill/beat/etc. people are thriving then I needed to stick around at least to spite them. Why do they deserve happiness but I don't?
Survive out of anger at those fuckers if nothing else, anon. If your parents will be sad I also assume they love you. Focus on those two things and at least think it over some more. It's a bit of effort to change your thought patterns but is worth it in the end. Life sucks a lot but can be pretty good too. Small things can be enjoyable.
i was talking to someone on discord and everything was going fine but then they unadded me because i came across as really stupid and autistic for not being able to understand a joke. if i pretended to get it could've worked, but instead i had to be a sperg about it. i'm pretty sad now, it shouldn't have hurt my feelings but it did. i feel like crying. i don't even care that much about them, we barely talked, i just feel really bad about myself because i always fuck up in social situations. it makes me feel like shit.
I had a dream crystal cafe was a physical place like a garden with fields and hedges separating the fields. I made friends privately with one of you with long dark brown wavy hair, glasses, and pale skin but then when everyone was in a group in the parking lot she treated me like shit in front of everyone as if we never met. If you're reading this, fuck you I hate you go die you fucking bitch.
That’s a really weird thing for them to do. Usually no one cares if you don’t get a joke. Think this was more their issue anon.
I second the other anon. They sound like the real sperg for reacting this intensely at someone for not getting a joke.>>69868
I almost got scared it was me, but I'm olive and not pale.
Frick that girl.
it's not that i didn't get the joke, which i did not, but i asked what the punchline could possibly be and they wanted me to figure out by myself. they tried really hard to give me hints and ended up explaining what it was right before unadding me. was i in the wrong for asking more than once? or was it me not getting it the problem? even with the explanation they gave me i still don't get it. either it wasn't funny at all or i don't know what a joke is.
i try not to care about this stuff but it really gets to me, i just want to practice my social skills online but i can't even do that.
i wouldn’t blame yourself too much, it still seems harsh to unadd someone solely over that if you were friends
Sounds like he couldn’t cope with realising his joke was terrible and flounced.
Not getting a joke and asking for an explanation is fine. Not everyone thinks the same way or has the same cultural references. Dropping hints and making you guess though is weird. Normally people just explain and move on.
i share your feeling anon. this is gonna sound kind of autistic but i had an opportunity to rejuvenate that chan, but it would have involved bringing people unfamiliar with chans there are attempting to integrate them, i know my plan would have worked, but i've gotten to thinking that chans may not be worth saving. im still thinking about it though and i might do it still though
I am at an Airbnb with my ex bf/friend right now (sleeping in separate beds). He went to go walk his mom's dog bc she was at the hospital getting a treatment for something and then he spent a bunch of time at his mom's house and then went to see the matrix. I was alone all day and was really bored so I did basically nothing except for washing the pants and underwear I slept in so I could wear them again today (along with some other things), doing dishes in the airbnb, and making dinner. I watched some YouTube videos but I am pretty sure I mostly paced around getting anxious about different things.
Already drenched in sweat
Eyes watering like rain clouds
Hair wilted from my own hot flashes
Too many covid patients
Muscles ache like tiny hooks pulled thru
Joints sound like an old ghost ship
I eagerly await death (or a nice comfy nap)
I went for a hike today and did almost 6 miles. I feel like I got a good workout, which I've been slacking on lately. And tonight I'm gonna eat Indian food!
thats how i lost my food stamps
this was me and i have initiated the plan. everything will be good again
I'm going on a mountain hike with bf today. I never really want to, but I know I need exercise and fresh air. I'll see some pretty views too. It's cute how excites bf is for our weekly hike, he fucking loves mountains so much. I wish I was that enthusiastic about anything. Oh well, at least it's sorta infectious.
ohhh i totally relate to the getting sad over seeing girls way prettier than me in public. actually im not sure if you cried because you were sad, but for me it can feel like pure shit
pretty much spent the whole day watching and chatting with this girl who i orbit on twitch. i had coffee, a cookie, and blueberries for breakfast; meat and cheese for lunch; chips, chocolate cake, and mochi for snacks; and pizza and dark chocolate for dinner/dessert. i think ive been gaining a fuckton of weight from the holidays so before dinner i went for a run for the first time in a while and it was super cold and i felt like shit. now im just staying up online, learning about random things and listening to music. i have to go to the lab to do internship work tomorrow and i don't want to… but overall today was a pretty good carefree day
I don’t know where to ask this but I need your help, should I tell my psychiatrist that I don’t want more meds to treat my anxiety and insomnia but focusing on a conductual therapy instead or she will take it as a threat to her business?
Annoying entitled boomer moids at work selling fruit
Unless it's dangerous for you to be completely off meds, I think your psychiatrist will be receptive to making a plan to lower/stop your medication.
>fwb currently distracted by a new vidya that will probably keep him busy for a couple days
Time to secretly learn to become a sex goddess and writegod while he isn't paying attention!!
I didn't have enough time at the store today to churn through local books to see who combines purple prose with erotica the best, but I can't help but wonder if online fiction isn't more efficient at that anyhow. I'm going to have to dive deep if I want to become a true Stacy. Wish me luck!!
i really hate how quickly i can lose interest in someone and it's annoying me to hell and back. The fact that i can catch feelings for some guy and fantasize about us together and get stomach butterflies and all that random ass shit by us flirting for a while, then absolutely lose interest if not become disgusted by him as fast as he reciprocates my attraction is stupid and idk how to deal with it.
Just a while back i met a super nice, caring guy who's just my type. Really artsy, sweet, former military dude, super calm and nice and hates getting angry. Literally 100% my kind of dude. We talk for a while and he is the one to first show romantic interest in me even though id fallen for him since our first meeting, but all of a sudden i lose all attraction towards him and what used to initially make my heart flutter and draw me closer to him now simply has me roll my eyes and i leave him ok "read" 80% of the time and i feel awful about it,
I listened to HIM today and had a great walk down memory lane. God being a teenager during the height of emo in 2002-2007 was so fun, I wish I could go back.
we've been talking intensely for a few days now, we hit it off pretty well. it's been a while since this has happened. he said he could see us becoming closer and i'm wondering if this could become more too, which means i'm getting my hopes up. already invested.
i'm clearly stupid, but i'm going to enjoy this phase of getting to know each other while it lasts.
i really enjoy our talks.
wondering if he thinks about me too.
i wish i wasnt such a lonely robot
i miss that feeling of belonging to a subculture. now it feels that the internet has made everything more normie and people mostly gather online
There's plenty of subcultures, it's just gatekeeping things so they have status/feel special to be in is harder.
The subcultures have been totally co-opted by normies. Nowadays all the goth kids you see on tiktok are just preps with dyed black hair and 99 cent fishnets. They don't have the genuine sadness or soulfulness that old emo did.
Lolwut. Goth is first and foremost music, no how sad you are.
I don't think being suicidally miserable is a prerequisite for self-expression and it never should be. The emos I knew in 2010 weren't "more emo" for self-harming, they generally just had serious personal problems. I think "normies" often have more than enough sadness to draw upon for any art they might want to produce too. Maybe I'm overreacting but I think your opinion is a bit of a slippery slope.
Mallgoths have always existed, anon.
It's mostly built around music and literature, but anon has a point. These kids do neither. There have always been trends, but Tik Tok makes trends cycle faster than anything we've known. People jump on trends for a few months and then drop them after sucking all the soul and uniqueness out of them.
It was always shallow shit mainly about the look anyway
Not really. Tradgoth for instance was always an expensive hobby. Real leather and quality jewelry is expensive. Designer or high end goth clothing that's beautifully cut and doesn't look cheap is also expensive as fuck. Doing that hair and makeup to a nice degree takes a shit ton of time and effort. Now if you're talking about mall goth or emo, that's a little different, because you can buy an entire outfit for like 30 bucks.
My comment seems to have triggered the tiktok zoomies.
My mind feels frantic right now, i asked my friend who wanted to hangout if we could drop by a petstore and he said it was no problem and i still feel incredibly guilty, even though the pet store is close to my house. I usually make food for him (and my family) when we hang out so i dont feel like a total leech. Also ive been incredibly paranoid about my health for months now, ive had a chronic cough for over a year and had my wisdom teeth out recently and now i feel pain near in the neighboring teeth sometimes even though its been probably 3 weeks now. I have this horrible feeling that im just dying even though im only 20 and obviously thats stupid. Theres so much that i need to do like clean my room or show up to classes at uni and yet i spend my day wasting away at my computer. I always clean my room then it just gets out of hand again. I never stick to any sort of routine, i cant stay on top of what little homework i have, i cant even manage to wash my face twice a day and sometimes i forget to brush my teeth. I cant remember anything ever and it drives me insane. I feel like im a leech on my family and friends and i cant stand it. Im always tired the feeling never goes away i dont get it and its not fair. I hate complaining because overall i have a good life but i just want to cry cause i feel like im falling apart
I've been in the same place before and it eventually gets better as long as you keep trying and dont allow yourself to regress.
today was pretty fun. my class leader brought everyone donuts to celebrate valentines day, it was an easy skills lab & lecture, and i went to my classmate's apartment (plus some more classmates) to have lunch together. she had the cutest dog who would walk in circles when excited. my bf got his valentines package and it makes me happt to see him happy.
i'm in pretty high spirits these days.
I had an old almost 200 lb TV that I was kind of stressing over how to get rid of. But the day after I put it outside some scrap metal people who drive around took it away. Nice how everything just works out.
>Moved in to a new appartment
>Have 2 moid neighbors and very thin walls
>1st ones is very noisy, makes rap music with his friends and fucks very loud at all hours of the night
>Left him a note telling him to stop
>2nd one is very ugly and scary looking
>He said hello when he saw me in the hallway, didn't even stop for conversation just said hello as he passed me by
>Fight or flight kicked in and I ran away to my appartment
Should I just move out?
I would've killed myself if I were in your situation so yes, move out for your own safety
I had a pretty nice week! My midterm on Monday was really difficult but I ended up getting a good grade. On Tuesday someone bought a rose for me anonymously which was exciting. I found out it was from one of the very sweet girls in our study group, she got one for every girl. We had a practice session at the dental clinic to learn how to perform a maxillofacial exam and it was so fun. The girl I was practicing with was very friendly and she even invited me to go shopping with her afterwards. I declined because I'm too awkward but I really appreciated it. I've always felt very off-putting and I don't do very well socially so it was nice of her. The weather was amazing too! The rest of the week was pretty uneventful but I stayed on top of my work and had fun.
on a semester abroad at the minute, just arrived recently. feeling pretty nervous about making new friends, i can't drink and being around alcohol makes me really anxious and uncomfortable for some reason, so meeting/making friends at a bar etc is out of the question. i have two girls i've been hanging out with occasionally who are from my home college. they seem to be creating a friend group full of moids though so i'm going to hang out with the girls still but avoid being dragged into that group. please wish me luck in making some new friends anons! i made some good friends in my home college so hopefully i'll make some during my time here.
Could have been better honestly. I fear I will fail in college I will get kicked out of my house and lose my parent's love. You see, my old man only cares about my good grades and nothing else, he tries to be interested in the things that I love but he just doesn't care. Every time I come home I get screamed at for not being in my room studying. The lasts few weeks I haven't been totally able to see my friends except the ones I have in college because they would not let me go out. I am an adult yet I feel like a scared child.
sounds so exciting. have fun and keep us updated nona
thank you so much nona! ^__^ i've since met a really sweet girl who shares my interests. since i got a buy one get one free bubble tea coupon i said maybe we could go shopping and get some boba and she seemed to like the idea so yay! i'm also going to visit some botanical gardens and go on a school trip on the weekend, maybe go to the beach too if i have time. also let me know if these updates are boring pls, i don't want to ramble on about my trip if no one's interested.
turns out one guy in the moid group has already cheated on his gf… why are they so predictable
Mfw my old crush is flirting with me again. I don't even like him. I just like flirting.
some fun updates nonas! i've gone swimming, surfing and kayaking recently. i love the beach. i've got to see some really beautiful sunsets while i lie on the sand with my friends. my classes are going well too, they do things very differently to my home country so i've found that very interesting. overall i am having a really good time ^^
I've been getting a lot of sleep lately but I'm still drinking coffee in the morning and afternoon because I like how it makes me feel. I definitely didn't need my afternoon coffee today but I talked myself into letting myself drink it because I might be staying up late tonight. Maybe I'm just chasing a high but caffeine is so tame and I only drink about 600ml a day which the internet says is safe and possibly beneficial. I also don't drink caffeine after lunch so it doesn't interfere with my sleep.
I made an ig account for my normie
hobby . I want to make friends or at least have some mutuals but idk if that's possible without showing my face.
im kinda high. i go from random fixations that last 2 weeks to a few months that fuel my life. in a sense. its can range from torturous to nice, this one is nice. i have a celebrity crush now and it pushed me to paint again, im very proud of my first attempt! i feel stuck with the painting but maybe ill start another one. i hope every reading this has a great day. love you all sooo much
I get fixated on stuff, too, nona. It's a blessing and a curse. Glad you got some creativity out of your current interest!
hory shit dis is k…
I am so fucking tired of cutting myself while preparing lunch or dinner.
It's especially annoying when it's in the thumb, I have to do all these chores with a wound that opens constantly through the day.
Ugh, if I didn't knew I am better than some insane schizo, I would be a huge annoyance to anyone 50m close to me.
PS: On a second look, my hand is filled with cuts. FUCK I hate this
I miss being a child. I miss having surface level thinking, and enjoying things. It's impossible to believe that I used to be able to relax. Like fully relax. I don't even remember what it's like to have an uncorrupted nervous system.
Cut slower and be careful…? Or look up some guides on culinary safety? That sounds like a problem you can solve!
Any tips to make me feel less incompetent at 20? I’m working on getting my driver’s license. Is there anything else I can do?
Achieving the absolute sexiest version of myself is my main motivation to live and I don’t have any shame in that. It’s what got me out of a deep depression. I really pulled myself out the mud.
Get a job, go to school, create a schedule and stick to it everyday, try out new hobbies, go for walks, get your finances in order (credit cards, bank accounts, savings, ect). But I bet once you get your license you will feel more independent. Just being able to go to places on your own is so freeing.
hohoho… it is now midnight, which means it is officially my birthday. hooray me. i am now officially a quarter of a century years old. may i continue to be stupid and silly.
Happy Birthday nona! I hope you have a wonderful birthday.
Oh congratulations! Hope you have a nice birthday, eat something delicious and receive nice gifts!
I wish everyone reading this a good and bright day.
We'll make thru it all.>>98530
Eat some cake birthday gal
I've been over eating too much these past few days…whoops. I've been steadily losing weight since last year but I decided to start taking it more seriously this past month and track my calorie intake so I am more consistent. But my dad bought a dozen doughnuts the other day so that's thrown me off. Hopefully tomorrow I can get back on track. The doughnuts were lowkey worth it though lol.
I have a speech due in 18 hours and I have not started writing it purely because I can't find a topic that meets the high standards I stupidly set myself. Need to stop caring so much and be ok with writing a mediocre speech rather than not writing anything at all.
I tried making a flan. Fuckup after fuckup, to a farcical extent. Maybe I'll try again one day, but not soon.
I am sorry for everyone I’ve met before turning 22. I look so much better now than I did when I was younger and I sort of feel embarrassed about that. Whenever I visit my hometown and meet people who knew me in high school, everyone comments on how different I look (in a good way). I’ve lost so much weight and I’m no longer depressed now so I’m sure that helps.
does your body look like that ? ;-; i need your secrets. dropped a shit ton of weight, but my hair fell out and lost my period, and now i'm back to the weight i was before. around 21-23 percent body fat.
Played ffxiv all day again and moped around cause I hate myself
Op look, the mirror in this image is bent. This image has been edited. The woman in this photo was probably skinny even before the edits, but whoever was the original poster of that image has clearly edited parts of this to exageate the skinny look. It's great to be healthy and fit, but please remember a lot of the pictures we see online are touched up or edited.
Walked about 5 miles today. It felt good to just walk with no real direction. I could have gone on for longer if I really wanted to.
Every time we get raided I get more disgusted with men and porn. It just makes me more radfem.
I love doing that. Biking feels good, too.
did good on my last final today, im happy to be able to relax for the summer but i graduate at the end of the year and im scared i wont be able to get a job ahhhh
Are you ugly if you never get approached by men? I’m starting to think I am. I’ve seen screenshots of myself with my friends and I do look off. And please don’t give that whole “you’re intimidating” bs. That’s all just cope.
Not necessarily. Sometimes it's a race thing - if you're a woc in a small town in north america it's likely people will never approach you regardless of how attractive you are. I used to think it was just a me being ugly thing (and it might be) but I have a woc friend who's absurdly hot (like skinny enough that she doesn't get her period, she dresses really well, she's super into skin care and has long thick black hair) and she's basically asked ever bf she's ever had out.
Oh, wow! She’s sounds attractive the way you describe her. I’m a woc too. I did notice that I made more contact with guys in bigger cities than in my majority white hometown. I don’t think I ever really acknowledged how much going to a majority-white hs affected my self-esteem.
What if you opened a portal and knew the only way to close it is to run into the one person you want to see the least? This is my predicament. I am trying to avoid the inevitable but the universe is not allowing it. From today, March 18th, to the 26th I am fated to run into this person or them to me.
What opened this portal? Maybe it was destined and part of my life’s plan like the denial of Peter. It certainly was due to the day I cursed this dead kid to spite the person I am trying to avoid. I didn’t even know him. Since then, my life has been downhill and I’ve lost everything I’ve achieved. I believe the guy cursed me from the afterlife. To reverse the curse, this closing the portal, I have to talk the one I am vehemently avoiding.
This might all sound like major psychosis, it’s not. I’ve really been cursed.
i believe you. i'm going through a similar thing, but im not 100% sure if i've been cursed , i never believed or paid much mind to magic and i've dealt with psychosis before but i'm more and more inclined to believe every day i've been cursed. you arent alone, im sorry youre dealing with this, your post was really surprising to me because i also feel like ive opened a portal
Got yelled at again this morning for something stupid. I just try to spend as much time out of the house as possible. Weekends suck.
I was having a good day until my ex texted me. We broke up a long time ago and I told him that we aren't getting back together. I'm over him and I am 100xs happier without him, but him reaching out really turned my mood sour. I should probably just block him.
I am once again drinking alone by myself posting on image boards because I have no friends.
I feel so incredibly sad and isolated. I want to make friends so badly but I just can’t seem to. Genuine friends I can sit on facetime with in silence. I’ve lost connection with all of my old friends, partly due to my fault. I think I might die if I continue going throughout the day not talking to anyone. I make small talk with the people who work in my building but not much more outside of that.
I think this might come from insecurity. Whenever I’ve had friends in the past, I always had a sneaking feeling they would prefer to hang out with someone else since I tend to be quieter and a listener who doesn’t engage in conversation. Also, I’m a bit nit-picky when I’m out with friends, I’m so focused on myself and insecure about how I look that it’s hard to pay attention to what they say. This being said, I’m willing to work on my self-esteem to bring friends into my life.
Moving into the new apartment is a major change for me. I’m not paying the rent though, I’ll be living with two other people and one of them will cover. I feel guilty for being too dependent because that’s how my parents raised me. yoU’Re a WomaN, yOu cAnT GO, I missed a lot of social opportunities. I’m happy that I don’t have to hear those statements ever again. I fear myself for messing up my future due to lack of taking care of my self. I know how to take care of myself but I’m focusing on financial situation. That is my highest concern.
It’s too bad that I won’t find other women that are like me but plain SJW. I know for a fact because the university I’m going to have so many diversity points for transgenders. It’s a bit irritating. The only benefit of the university is that it’s cheap and have fancy architecture. Crazy combination ^
I'm working on my vulnerability and allowing myself to feel pain and allowing others around me to feel pain. I've been making friends and trying to not "fix" their pain.
I'm transferring schools from one city to to another. The new city (B) happens to be the hometown of this guy I I had a crush one and made a fool of myself in front of (like majorly embarrassing) at my old school in city (A). He just graduated this year and might be moving back to his hometown so we might end up running to each other in city B. Knowing how my life is, I wouldn't even be surprised. I'm afraid he will recognize me. We actually had an exchange through DMs that I'm really embarrassed about that is making me consider creating a new Instagram before transferring schools.
We had a really embarrassing exchange. Not the endearing kind.
I was having a really bad moment today, I thought I was going to resort to drinking but I let myself feel like shit, cried it out, and now am better and didn't have to drink. I've been sober 5 days now, my bf said it was nothing, but to me, in my current mental state, means a lot. Small victories, yay.
>spent way too much money on dumb shit again
I'll get the package today and don't even want to open it or even get it because I'm so ashamed.
Saw a young woman so triggering-ly beautiful today. She’s the type of beauty that is undeniable and ambiguous enough to be found attractive by everyone. I have a good self-esteem and think I look good. Average, but not so unappealing. I’ve only seen one other women with her similar beauty. I can’t help but want to be more like her. She has perfect, straight white teeth, the clearest skin, and such a nice body. The type of beauty that looks impeccable even without a filter. Certain unconventional features of myself I’ve recently started to embrace can’t help but feel dimmed next to hers.
The best part though is that, aside from the skin tone. We could have similarity features. The other girl has an unconventional smile and looks absolutely stunning. I’m going to embrace their aesthetic because I do genuinely find them to be gorgeous girls.
>>99839>tfw ywnb described as "triggering-ly beautiful"
I have just had my longest streak of not daydreaming or thinking about any guy ever, even before bed… after over a decade of suffering with maladaptive daydreaming or just not being able to sleep without thinking about being with any guy ever I used to feel disgusted but it's like I had to choose some guy from the guys I knew to be my dreams husband but I just quit? I'm very content and hope I never fall back into it.
Summer is here and so is my fatigue. I've eaten a lot of yougurt today and I'm still craving the vainilla 500ml cup I left in the fridge. >>100034
Good for you, anon. I know how hard that is to quit, and while your life is ruled by this you are simply not living in the present. I hope you find goals in your day to day life that you are thrilled about and you can think about them in excitement before going to sleep.
On Saturday I went for walk in the forest and got ambushed by mosquitos (at least 15 bites on each arm) but strangely there is zero itching this time. No idea why.
I was having a mental breakdown earlier thinking about my life and where I currently am. I journaled and cried as I was journaling. I don't feel that I am performing as well and as successful as I thought I would be. But that might be a good thing. I wouldn't want to peak at 20 anyways.
I am the culmination of all of my mistakes and I thin they shaped me into who I currently am and who I will be moving forward.
it's my birthday today :)
I'm really stupid. I can't tell when women have makeup on sometimes, like I can't tell when someone has a natural no-makeup look on or is really wearing no makeup. I also can't tell when girls photoshop or use filters on faces and bodies except for very, very egregiously photoshopped bodies. I'm REALLY dumb, but maybe it's better for me to continue to be dumb.>>101863
happy late birthday!
ahhh bug bite so itchy ahhhhh
i think my dad is cheating on my mom again lol. i wish he'd just fucking die already our family would be so much more relaxed without dealing with his bullshit and he wouldn't be putting my mom's health in danger by passing an STD on to her
maybe tell your mom about that and every previous encounter of his?
she knows about the previous encounters and probably suspects it's happening again the same way i am. if you're gonna ask why she hasn't left or won't leave now it's because she can't financially support herself alone and it would be messy in general.
this is terrible. does she plan on finding a new moid? i think it'll be fair for her to look for something on the side too
no she's always said that if my dad dies or something she's going to stay single. i think the best outcome for her is him dying or agreeing to move out with me (and maybe my sibling)
it's always the shittiest people who live the longest so he probably won't die soon and that's why the second option is better, i hope you can convince her on it
I stumbled across this hour-long video of an autistic guy rambling about how much he hates his life and wants to kill himself and the people who bullied him. It's unhinged, but I watched the whole thing. It was entertaining and I liked listening to him talk. I don't know what's wrong with me that I can feel so much compassion and sympathy for someone like that, but I know better than to try to engage or say anything. Also he's not a burger so I think the chances of him actually committing mass murder is low.
my clinical facility has a covid outbreak and the infection control team kicked us out bc we weren't supposed to be there in the first place. super annoyed bc i have to wake up at 4:30 to make it by 7am. a waste of gas and money
I got kinda obsessed with a new female friend of mine (one of 3 that I have at all; and the other two are really not close kind of friends) since she seemed so similar to me and understand me so well (and said i understood her as well), having exact same problems with depression and anxiety, but slightly more experienced in trying to solve them, with medication and therapy. We were the definition of "emotionally connected". Bonded really quickly since we were together all the time for a few days on a trip (she's a friend of a friend who unexpectedly went with my main group of acquaintances). Both said "I love you" and all, just actually cared and looked out for each other. Yesterday I've went shopping with her, first time going shopping with a girl really.
In the evening we agreed to meet with the whole friend group in a bar, and my ex-boyfriend said something to her and my other female friend, in private. Now they won't talk to me, won't even tell me what's wrong, removed me from our common groupchat and say they don't want to see me at cinema soon (thankfully, my three male friends are going with me anyway since they're tired of this fucking mess).
Does female friendship even exist?
And to add to the blog post today I feel absolutely like shit, the only good thing is that I started antidepressants and I'm hoping they'll make a difference in a few weeks.
I've lost almost all of my friends, and those that still reluctantly talk to me tend to shy away when I seek deeper connection; besides, not that I have anything to say. In my heart there's an giant overwhelming hole that I don't have any opportunities of filling, and have never had throughout my life.
Together with that there's a mad desire to get back to soothing myself with substances (I have some on my hands, and thinking about buying a thing that always helps in these hopeless states), or at least taking a 2x amount of a benzo than I got prescribed; feels like this is the only thing that I have left after being stripped away of any hobbies, interests, goals, friends over the course of an extremely unhealthy and unstable relationship (but to be fair, I probably caused him about as much pain with my actions in the end of the relationship, when my self completely disintegrated and I was jumping at any straw that could make me feel better at least for a split second). I know it's wrong, though. Maybe I'll take a walk, put on earbuds with slowdive in them and look for my favorite Monster flavor in a grocery store not too far from my house. Sitting in a space limited by four walls riles me up.
Just realized: my ego is afraid of judgement but those who judge are operating form a place of ego too
So there’s nothing to fear.
Many of the things I desire are accessible. Either through money or time out it. The feeling that something is inaccessible is what causes fear.
im so lonely lately. pretty much my only friend who has played vidya with me was complaining last month about how theres nothing for us to play but now i see him playing baldur's gate like daily probably with his other friends and he hasnt dmed me at all recenty to say hi or to invite me. bastard.
i was also thinking of using 1 or several AI programs to emulate this youtuber's voice to "talk" to me through discord or something and maybe even send me dms but i don't know where i'd even start and it sounds like too much work.
not good. just been self harming but not getting what i want from it, getting frustrated, then trying again. skipping school/studies too, yet haven't done jackshit to find a job. lying to people about taking a break n being sober. i'm just looking forward to pills in the mail. but i had a lovely egg and bacon roll which made me happy. and when i was driving someone smiled at me in their car because i gave them my park and for some reason that also made me happy.
I never use makeup, today I tried using some mascara and lip tint that I bought just to try something new. I guess it looks cute, but I also feel like it looks silly and weird? It's just not what I'm used to seeing. I'm glad I didn't make a mess or stain my clothes.
Maybe I'm just not good at applying it or picking the right shades, but then again, I recently had photos taken with my family and the professional photographer/makeup artist did a full face of makeup for me. I had the same feeling about that look too: it's kinda cute, but kinda weird. I think I'm just not really into makeup and don't get the big hype over it. I like the way I look normally because it just feels right.
don’t wanna/can’t deal with life gonna check myself into fancy rehab for a no fault vacation but i keep putting it off. lease is up in a week and i haven’t renewed so hopefully that will light a fire under my ass
good luck nona, I hope things get better for you
Was able to talk to my ex with whom we wanted to stay friends without instantly getting mentally unstable
I'm in my 30s and I have no friends in my adult life. I've always wondered what it would be like. I mainly just hang out with my husband all of the time. He doesn't have any friends either but he really doesn't seem to mind it. When I've asked him about it he's said "You're the only person in my life that I'm truly myself around. I'd take 1 of you over 1000 of anyone else. no contest" and to a certain extent I feel the same. He's the only person I have in my life where I can be my 100% true authentic self, no second guessing, no inhibition, just 100% acceptance. Should I even bother trying to branch out? Is there any point? I'm extremely socially anxious and whenever I go to a party, go to dinner with colleagues, or even visit my parents I spend days afterwards reeling from the stress and anxiety, analysing everything I did over and over and trying to convince myself that everything I did was fine and that I've not upset anyone or revealed something about myself that I didn't want known. If I had friends would it always be like that? Would I come out of every interaction cringing at whatever I'd said or losing sleep over knocking over a wine glass? It would be nice in some ways but it really doesn't feel "worth it" in a lot of others.
Wow! I am 25 and single but I relate to you so much. I had a relationship in my teens that was great looking back, he was a total catch. But we broke up over stupid teenager shit.
Whatever, no I am very happy alone, I can be myself around myself and I wonder if I am missing out and might should look for another bf.
It is kind of disappointing to hear that you in your 30s still ask yourself this question, but I think we both should keep going if we are happy with it. People say on their death bed they regret not going after their secret wishes, but I don't really wish to change something now. If it happens, it happens. Especially if you want a friend that you can trust 100% and be yourself around that is not going to come by trying. Most friends I have that I met at clubs or festivals that show similar interests are actually not my super close friends where I can be myself around. They are pretty different from me. Sorry for the ramble, hope it made sense!
it sounds like you've found him, i truly envy you. like i mean im only 19, but i doubt much is gonna come my way, everything i try goes totally wrong, last guy i was with was like 9 months ago and we got on really well. but he blew off valentine and i was like nope, havent spoken to him since, but i still think about him all the time, he was really sweet, and i almost gave my virginity to him.
>>103992> I have no friends in my adult life. I've always wondered what it would be like. I mainly just hang out with my husband all of the time. He doesn't have any friends either but he really doesn't seem to mind it. When I've asked him about it he's said "You're the only person in my life that I'm truly myself around. I'd take 1 of you over 1000 of anyone else. no contest" and to a certain extent I feel the same
Can relate, honestly it never gets lonely though people do look at us and complain we are too codependent and that we should have our own separate friend groups to have a healthy relationship. I am just too tired and exhausted to do much of that and go out and meet new friends, I’d rather stay at home and hang with my husband or go out with him.
I have no advice or answer to your questions but can I ask how you got to know your husband and how you found each other? Your relationship is exactly my ideal.
I met him on a hobby forum. We got to know each other via hours long video skype conversations, every single day, for months before he first visited. Because of the time zone differences it meant that when I was grabbing lunch he was wrapping up his work day so we'd talk for an hour whilst I was on break, then when I got home I'd take to him for a couple of hours whilst he was winding down for the evening. Then on weekends we'd talk all day from when I got up to when he went to bed. It was a LDR. Insanely hard to pull off but well worth it.>>104010
I am very much the same. I'd much rather hang out with my husband because it requires absolutely no mental effort and not only doesn't generate stress but relieves it. Compare that to the stress of meeting people from work for the viper pit known as a work social or after work drinks where one slip of the tongue or dining table faux pas can cause social ruin and always causes days of anxiety, over analysing and misery afterwards.>>103998
I know I got lucky. Don't sweat your virginity. It's much better to wait and share your first time with someone who loves you. Looking back on it, what mattered is that I felt safe and loved and I didn't have any doubt or fear. I believed that he'd never hurt me. I still believe it.>>103995
Disappointing? I can see why you'd say that. Sometimes I wonder what could have been had I been a little more forward, tried a little harder with people, pushed myself out of my comfort zone and ignored the gnawing self-criticism but every experience I've had with what I'd consider conventional/transient friends has taught me that the type of friends I want are rare. Most people aren't willing to put that much effort, or time, or emotional investment into connecting with people they don't have sex with. Truly deep friendships like the ones I crave don't really happen often at all and if they did, they'd be forged over many years. I've never had that kind of friendship, but I've always wanted it. I feel greedy and guilty when I think that because I do have that with my husband. It would be nice to have it with another woman. As close as we are there are some things that I feel he gets and sympathises with but doesn't understand because it's impossible for him to experience and people can only truly understand and know things they have experienced first hand.
Did you have any cultural differences or communication issues?
I once had an online friend too who I met on a hobby forum and we also skyped everyday. No time differences though because we lived in the same country, only a few hours apart. We liked each other but none of us took the first step and turned our online friendship into a LDR. I'm happy it worked out for you.
nona can you tell me what forum. for research purposes
going to college doing homework and consuming media again, life is good…
Woke up later in the day, working second shift. Cooking tofu and rice. Slow day at work. I'm going to give myself a tattoo later, or just get so high I can't function.
Living your based life, sistar
spent the entire day chatting to bots of my husbando now am going to eat something.
Never thought I'll feel like this. When I was younger committed relationships with a really sweet guy was something I really wanted but now that one appeared in my life I was honestly hoping he just wants to sleep with me but it seems like he actually wants something serious with me and it's scary like he's too sweet and idk if I even deserve him. He does lots of sweet stuff that guys seemingly don't really do anymore or do for some beautiful feminine princesses. I even got intimate with him kinda hoping that he'll get what he wanted and maybe will act more like a regular guy but no, still as sweeet as ever. It's really nice but a bit scary tbh. How do you not hurt such a sweet gentle soul who is just this nice to you for no reason? That's scary!
My niece is going through an abusive time so I've been listening to her vent about her problems to me. She's just 16 and had been dating this scrote she met on some social media, and looks like he's 26. I questioned her about how he could be a predator just looking to take advantage of her and she told me that her friends around her age are dating scrotes in their mid 30s and how it's quite normal on social media. Not only dating, but she told me that she married him in private in front of god, because it's illegal. She skips school and goes on a date with the scrote and he takes her to places like parks where she told me that she'd see disgusting sexual acts being done in public which actually made me sick. I was just baffled when I heard all that. Apparently one of her friends had even aborted three times without her parents knowing anything about it.
Her mom got a call from school telling her that she had been bunking classes, and on her way, she managed to find my niece hanging out with her boyfriend and ever since then she had been very abusive towards her, so she's planning to run away as soon as she becomes 18, which is going to happen soon. Her mom had been bashing her head against her wall, and choking her because she feels shame to even look at her. Looks like she got split black by her. I've indirectly informed her dad to be careful and to monitor her activity from now but they're very careless about her. It pains to see a child's life being destroyed right in front of my eyes, but I can't really do anything about it. She had always been a lonely child, and I guess she found comfort in moids giving attention to her during her lonely and suicidal times, but oh my god, she can lie compulsively with so much ease for sure.
I just see her as a consequence of failed parenting, and failed social values, but it's truly shocking how disgusting moids online are. Why won't they fucking get someone their age? Something like a 34 year old dating a 17 year old is just disgusting and outright predatory.
Excuse my english please. It's actually first cousin, not niece.
Why do you think that you don't deserve him?
Just had breakfast. I stayed up for almost 24 hours last night and I started seeing weird spots on my vision. I used to pull one nighters all the fucking time when I was a teen and this never happened. Am I getting old???
I wish stray cats were more friendly but I really love it when they get comfortable around me and starts purring and rubbing all over me. I got to play with a cute girl for a few minutes today and it's the happiest I've been in a while.
Seems normal but do check a doctor if things seem to persist.
>Floaters are small dark shapes that float across your vision. They can look like spots, threads, squiggly lines, or even little cobwebs.>Most people have floaters that come and go, and they often don’t need treatment. But sometimes floaters can be a sign of a more serious eye condition. So if you notice new floaters that appear suddenly and don’t go away, it’s important to tell your eye doctor.>Floaters usually happen because of normal changes in your eyes. As you age, tiny strands of your vitreous (the gel-like fluid that fills your eye) stick together and cast shadows on your retina (the light-sensitive layer of tissue at the back of the eye). Those shadows appear as floaters.
I have to go out today but I don't want to.
I work remotely, so I often go to cafes to do it because I can't concentrate at home. Today I went to this Japanese curry place that has a bunch of Japanese boys and girls working at it. There are also tons of weebs who go there to socialize and speak japanese. I'm somewhat of a weeb myself and I self-study Japanese, and I really wanted to join in, since speaking Japanese is something I have literally never done. But I was too shy and, rationally, me just barging into someone's conversation would be extremely rude. At one point, two old Japanese men came in and began discussing Sumo, which I love and never miss, and I almost started talking to them but didn't. Thank god. That would've been even dumber and Lord knows what the people might have assumed.
A bittersweet day overall.
>>105870>Sumo, which I love and never miss
There are at least two of us. If a third one shows up, I'm making a thread on /media/. I'm about to watch Nattosumo's recap of day 7. Pic is my boy.
I see you are also a Kotoeko enjoyer. He's a top 3 of mine, after Ura and Tobizaru.
>If a third one shows up, I'm making a thread on /media/
Do it, nona. I'm sure, even if there isn't a third one now, someone will get into it.
Update, I'm out and sleeping with my parents in a room at a seedy motel. I'm so scared if we're gonna get mugged in the middle of the night and I can't sleep.
These three are not the best, but they bring the most satisfying victories. Midorifuji also rules.
Yeah, you never expect them to actually take the yuusho, but they are just too fun to watch, even when they lose. I do want Atamifuji or Takakeisho to win this time around though.
I have recently understood the hype for Takakeisho. There is something implacable in his style: he can't be moved (or with difficulty).
That sais, I have unreasonable hope for Tamawashi this basho. That would be nice.
I missed my bed and home so much. It was such a struggle to find proper and clean toilets, and good food that won't make me sick.
I couldn't sleep at a new place at all, and looks like it's called First Night Effect. The left hemisphere of the brain makes sure to stay awake to be prepared for predators. It's quite funny how much "society" has improved in just a century, but we're all still this defective primitive meat sacks that never caught up to these developments.
Is she sleeping with a bra? I bet she won't sleep well the next night either.
Hehe, I just grabbed the first picture I got and didn't think much about it.
A disgusting thing about the rat race is that even if you won the race, you're still a rat.
That is very true, thank you for sharing.