[ Rules / FAQ ] [ meta / b / media / img / feels / hb / x ]

/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

*Text* => Text

**Text** => Text

***Text*** => Text

[spoiler]Text[/spoiler] => Text

Direct Link
Options NSFW image
Sage (thread won't be bumped)

Check the Catalog before making a new thread.
Do not respond to maleposters. See Rule 7.
Please read the rules! Last update: 04/27/2021


Ace thread Anonymous 75770

How do asexual or sex repulsed nonas cope in a sex obsessed world where increasing numbers of people are making their entire identity about sex?

Anonymous 75774

Just avoid those people. Theres enough room for everyone. I personally cant stand people whos sexual identity is the depth of their personality and avoid them like the plague. Plenty of others to relate with. I am not asexual or sex repulsed but I would say that sex or men (in a sexual sense) is something I never discuss with the majority of my circle.
As to how to avoid seeing it all entirely? Get off the internet I guess.

Anonymous 75780

Oh hi, ace anon here. I don’t feel the need to cope with being in a sex-obsessed society. Only thing I’m stressed about is that I’ll have to have sex with my bf in order not to lose him.
>I personally cant stand people whos sexual identity is the depth of their personality
Nothing like that was implied in OP’s post.

Anonymous 75785

Never could understand why people make who they want to exchange DNA with the be all end all focus of their limited existence when there's a lot more to do and depth in others to find. I think it's kinda dumb, though I guess people can focus on whatever aspect they want of themselves. That said, I'm asexual and only sex-repulsed when it comes to myself being involved so their wanting to bone only bothers me if it completely overtakes other functions. Maybe there's some interesting part of it I don't understand since the whole idea doesn't appeal to me.

>Nothing like that was implied in OP’s post
Naw, OP asked about people who make their entire identity about sex. Increasingly common. I've had friends who came out as gay or bi and all of our conversation topics ended up disappearing in favor of them talking about their sexuality and what kinds of people they want to bone. Gone were the before times of discussing stories or games or just sharing stuff we found. They used to be fun to hang out with, too. Feels bad man.

Anonymous 75786

I'm not asexual but I am sex-repulsed, and frankly I'm not coping well with the sex-obsessed society in which I find myself. I have never felt that anything was wrong within myself for being disturbed by it. Rather, I find the overtly sexual disturbing. I was disturbed as a child by it, and I still am now. Only, now to some degree I can avoid people who discuss it and it is nice to have that freedom as an adult. Though, it's irksome hearing such talk in so-called professional domains, because I am unable to leave.

Anonymous 75796

>Naw, OP asked about people who make their entire identity about sex
Fuck off, no she didn’t, retard. There is absolutely nothing in OP’s post that says that. Just because someone is gay or ace doesn’t mean it’s their entire identity. You say you’re ace yourself so I don’t get why you’re going on about this.

Anonymous 75799

Yes, she did:
>increasing numbers of people are making their entire identity about sex
Stop acting hostile when you’re incapable of reading a single question.

Anonymous 75829


>You say you’re ace yourself
Well I am. It's just not my entire identity, of course. I was interested to find out that what I was experiencing had a term when I learned it but that's about it. It only comes up if I choose to participate in topics related to it (like this), which isn't too often. Or like, if someone else brings it up.

>Fuck off, no she didn’t, retard.

Fren, did you read the OP text? It's part of the topic.

>I don’t get why you’re going on about this.

I mentioned it once and expanded on my experiences because it's part of the thread topic. Are you doin' okay? Normally if this sort of stuff happens irl I offer to make tea or something, but I can't do that since it's irl and I'm restricted to just asking what's up.

Anonymous 75830

*since it's online
shit lol

Anonymous 75875

>Fren, did you read the OP text?
I thought i did but i guess i only read the op picture. Sorry, I’m defensive because of all the stupid ace discourse blogs I used to look at online about people constantly hating on asexuals.

Anonymous 75880

Society is really only sex obsessed when it comes to women. Women wear more revealing, uncomfortable/flashy clothing far more often than men do because we are socialized to believe we are nothing but sex objects. I'm not asexual, But I'm disgusted by how horny can get to my head if I don't masturbate regularly. Anyway, I am more repulsed by the current misogynistic and male centered sexual ideals. If society prioritized women's sexuality I would be sex obsessed too.

Right now I'm too ashamed to masturbate when I feel aroused and can't finish because of it, because I'm turned on by things I'm otherwise disgusted by.

Anonymous 75938

Hmm yeah it all feels very one way. Women are to be paraded as flashy fucktoy bimbos, men are allowed to stay fully clothed and dignified while demeaning us. It's annoying.

Anonymous 75939

>I'm disgusted by how horny can get to my head if I don't masturbate regularly.
Why do you feel disgusted by it? I agree it can be annoying, for nstance when you get horny when you have to focus on a task, but why do you feel disgusted? It's just sex. Why do we need to make such a big deal out of it? There is no harm in masturbation if you don't watch porn.

Anonymous 75942

It used to bother me a lot. I hated it because it wasn't what I wanted, but seeing it so much made me feel like I was missing out on something. I stupidly ended up losing my virginity in a ONS because I felt so pressured to have sex and 'join the rest of society' by everything I was seeing. I hated myself for a long while after that (better now though). After having the allure of sex become shattered for me in that experience, I no longer feel the way I did about 'missing out'. I'm pained to say that I feel like I "fit in" more now that I've had it (why couldn't I have fit in before?), and it's a lot easier to brush that stuff aside and go "it's not for me".

With all that said, the internet really exacerbates the problem if you let it. It's like the algorithm realises "this is something you hate, but you can't look away. I'm going to show you this proverbial trainwreck every day for a year". Getting off the internet helps. Talking with real people helps too, you realise most normal people will not mention sex in conversation unless there's some comedic innuendo. Also real people don't walk around as 'sex icons' constantly grinding on everything they see.

Also, I feel I need to point out the irony that you make a thread expressing contempt for this "sex obsessed world where … people are making their entire identity about sex" (and I agree with the sentiments), but you address it to "asexual" or "sex repulsed" people, in a way furthering this reduction of people's identities to their sex-life. I'm neither asexual nor sex-repulsed (anymore), I feel that the concept of sex has been so warped that anyone who doesn't agree with what sex has become is now "asexual" or "sex repulsed". I'm not saying asexual people don't exist, just that there's probably a lot less than what claim to be. I believe would have sex for the purpose of reproduction (if I find the right person and am at a good point in life). Hell, I might even be able to enjoy it one day with the right guy, I enjoy orgasms enough. I don't want to box myself in, and I don't want to stick a label onto something that doesn't need to be a label. I used to think I was asexual because I didn't like sex to the degree everyone else did, but I think in reality I'm on par with what most women were throughout history.

Anonymous 75949

Ah, I see. It happens. I don't go on those places/care about their opinions, but at least now I get where you're coming from. For what it's worth, I feel bad you got subjected to all that since it affected you so strongly. Storytime: The closest I had was a friend who drank the Tumblr Kool-Aid HARD. She'd started to lie and generally be unknind, so after many chances I said I was leaving and it was for the best to split. (Looking at the logs, I'd gone so far as to blame myself for it, which isn't fair but I was blinded by loyalty and didn't want to upset her.)

She started blogging hate about asexuals (I'd mentioned my orientation like twice in the 8 or so years we were friends) and that it's not a real thing and that we're all evil and blah blah. She did this with someone else later with something they liked, too. Then she started saying she was non-binary at around the same time her boyfriend came out as trans and it all went downhill from there. If THAT much insanity can come from just one person over nothing, I can only imagine how weird and unhinged dedicated blogs must be. Hopefully you're keeping well since then.

>With all that said, the internet really exacerbates the problem if you let it.
Definitely. The internet allows for people to say whatever, and often they won't visit a community or post unless it's in their recreational time when sex is more likely to be something they can sit and focus on or indulge in. It's why many imageboards come off as extremely horny regardless of board topic. Gets more concentrated if there's content elsewhere on the site catering to that, too.

>How do asexual or sex repulsed nonas cope
Just realized I didn't actually answer this. The secret is that I just avoid it. I do my hobbies or go to places that don't have that as the focus. You can't dodge all instances of sexual content, but that's not really my goal. Just looking to lessen the intensity and frequency to something more normal, rather than the hypersexuality of some media and some peoples' social media bios. It's a common interest, but it's an interest nonetheless and can be kinda filtered in the same ways.

Anonymous 75954

What exactly is hated about asexuals?
LGB hate I see is either about "unnatural" or "perverted"
Asexual can be seen as "unnatural" too, but form the perspective of the others it could be seen the same as single person of what ever orientation not looking for any relationships
So what's the matter of hate you have met?

Anonymous 75956

i've seen some radfem places have hate for asexuals as they think it is another new trendy sexuality and don't get that it's more about people wanting a way to describe what they already are. it's annoying because a lot of asexuals are women who have been turned off sex by pornographic culture or being treated badly or because of menopause but radfems just don't get this for some reason

aces are literally the least problematic or dramatic identity to have

Anonymous 75971

Sexuals hate me because I look down on them.

Anonymous 75972

I assume it comes down to entitlement, primarily from men. I've seen men just hate a woman for wanting to be chaste. A lot of them see asexuals as a "fuck you, I'm not accessible" label which triggers a lot of misogynists.

Anonymous 75977

>because I'm turned on by things I'm otherwise disgusted by.

Anonymous 75979

reddit asexuals.pn…

Have you not spent time in mainstream asexual communities? They're flooded with people who are obviously chasing labels and/or have no idea how sexuality actually works. I think a lot of women don't realize the degree to which basically all cultural representations of sexuality are operating off the assumption that the viewers' sexuality is basically male sexuality.

It is normal for women to rarely (if ever) feel attracted to strangers.
It is normal for women to never want to engage in hookup culture.
It is normal for women to dislike hardcore pornography.
It is normal for women to find male actors that are shilled as "attractive" repulsive.

Do real asexuals exist? Yes, of course, but they're rare relative to the fucking masses of neurotic and/or damaged people that constitute the majority of online asexual communities, as all the sane ones left long ago. It's an /r/actuallesbians situation, but instead of being filled with straight men who've convinced themselves they're women, it's filled with people who are fixated on their sexual desires that they've convinced themselves are abnormal.

I've seen men obsessed with nutting and chasing women that identify as asexual solely because they have intimacy issues. I've seen women who actively seek out sex from strangers nebulously claim to be asexual because they're only interested in having sex but aren't actually "attracted" to people. And very commonly, I see women who claim to be asexual because they've chosen celibacy.
>a lot of asexuals are women who have been turned off sex by pornographic culture or being treated badly
Celibacy is valid and fine, but it is NOT the same as fundamentally not being capable of attraction to males. It's very alienating to be different in that way, and it shouldn't be surprising that many lesbian radfems take offense to people with fundamentally normal sexualities appropriating LGBT struggles. I do dislike that radfems often fail to acknowledge that true asexuals do exist, but I can't even blame them when 9 in 10 visible online "asexuals" are obvious label-chasers.

A quick scroll through /r/asexual is telling. Some of the most upvoted answers on a question about whether asexuals watch porn are largely people saying "yes, but only because I need to get off, and I totally don't even like it!" The answers that explicitly say "no, I don't like it" largely have fewer than 10 upvotes each, which in communities like these, indicates how relatable the comment is to lurkers.
How is seeking out explicit sexual imagery in order to relieve your sexual desires at all compatible with asexuality? Imagine if a man claimed that despite being "totally straight," he could only get off to gay porn. Basically everybody would doubt his supposed heterosexuality, so why is it any different when these internet "asexuals" regularly and frequently seek out pornography and/or sex? Sure, maybe they identify with aspects of asexuality, but their sexualities are sure as fuck closer to allosexual than ace.

Pic source: https://old.reddit.com/r/Asexual/comments/u23h68/do_you_watch_porn/
##"I be watching porn like it's animal planet" made me lol though##

Anonymous 75980

>Nothing like that was implied in OP’s post.
>>increasing numbers of people are making their entire identity about sex

Anonymous 75982

>it's annoying because a lot of asexuals are women who have been turned off sex by pornographic culture or being treated badly or because of menopause but radfems just don't get this for some reason
If it's a sexuality inflicted by current state of affairs, that doesn't sound like a sexuality. It sounds like a legitimate mental illness.

Anonymous 75986


Aces are hated or disliked most of the time within radfem/LGB spaces for self-inserting themselves into gay problems. I'm a lesbian and I ultimately do not care, but I'm sure you've seen plenty of online aces trying to make our spaces about them. Straight asexuals are not apart of the community, but gay/lesbian asexuals are. Unfortunately, the former self-insert themselves a lot.

Being straight ultimately but identifying as "asexual" yet seeing that you're somehow within the same boat as gay women or lesbian women is pretty much like saying you're an atheist but belong in a religious community. Just don't do this.

Anonymous 75987

>Hopefully you're keeping well since then.
Thanks for being so understanding anon. I had a similar experience. I saw a friend who I had once been really close to like anti-ace things online and it felt like a stab in the gut. I don’t even feel part of LGBT because I’m heteroromantic, but holy fuck people still hate me because I simply don’t wanna fuck. It sucks being hated both by LGBT and being misunderstood by general society.

Anonymous 75988

Read the later replies tard
>straight asexuals are not apart of the community
There is no LGBT counsel that dictates who and who isn’t part of the community. Aces are a sexual minority that face ostracism so I think it’s fine if a straight ace wants to identify with LGBT.
FUCK reddit and tumblr asexuals who talk about having libidos and willingly having sex. I remember I made a post on r/asexuality a few years ago talking about how I was dumbfounded at these sex-having “asexuals” and I was downvoted to hell. The people on AVEN are more normal.

Anonymous 75989

>There is no LGBT counsel that dictates who and who isn't part of the community

That's very telling. Glad to see CC is full of Twitter migrants as per usual. This line isn't even the slam-dunk you think it is, it's the same sentiment echoed by trannies who want to intrude on lesbian spaces. Just leave the faggots alone. It's not hard.

Anonymous 75990

Isn't it also why so many people are rushing to identify as nonbinary? It's not so much asexuals, but people that don't always fit into what appears to be restrictive norms and then still being pegged as a privileged normie, so there's a lot of hanger-ons in the "LGBT" community. I've seen extreme victims of incredibly evil things easily be side-lined for favor of what is seen as a marginalized class being challenged, which is also disturbing.

IMO, it's even similar to why and how troonism became a thing, with people feeling weird and then desperately trying to do something that gives them a sense of velocity and metamorphosis in an otherwise nihilistic life…being mistaken into thinking what they're doing has intrinsic meaning or value.

Not saying asexuals should stay away from the LGBT community or whatever, it's just at this point the entire of it being a community is genuinely odd, especially concerning how amorphous it's gotten or how they often police anyone that doesn't support every subsection within it.

Anonymous 75991

Not a twitter migrant. Also, biology and the nebulous concept of the “LGBT” community aren’t the same things so your analogy doesn’t work.

Anonymous 75996

>Straight asexuals are not apart of the community
Do you mean a part or apart?

Anonymous 76024

>asexuals are women who have been turned off sex by pornographic culture or being treated badly or because of menopause

Are those asexuals? I think there’s a different name for it

Technically speaking, if you are not functioning like human animal - want to kill yourself actively or passively or not feeling like procreating - it is not a norm. I am saying this, because people like to treat as a type of a norm, which it really isn’t, biologically speaking. Is it illness? No, I guess? In a way you don’t need to “cure” it.

Anonymous 76052

I hate being asexual and I see it as a sort of social disability. There's a whole realm of human bonding that I can't access. I was born absent one of the most natural drives of a living creature. I'm also afraid of ending up alone because no man would want to be with a woman he can't fuck. I have too much self respect to just ~lie back and think of England~ to try and keep a man, though, so I just have to learn to cope with it.
That being said I also think the asexuals are oppressed angle thing is kinda cringe. Pornography and hyper sexualization are a problem that affects all women, it's not like systematic and directed specifically at asexuals.

Anonymous 76058

Sorry if this is very devaliding, but as someone who has pretty much 0 drive, I don't really see it as a social disability. There's a lot of people that don't constantly talk about sex out there.
Actually, I'd cringe at someone who tried forcing me to talk about it because I'd imagine they have some sort of issue and aren't as socially well-adjusted as they seem.

Anonymous 76061

I see it as a way for straights with colored hair to claim they're oppressed/substitute a personality. I can get how being completely asexual like >>76052 describes would be inconvenient socially, but they are pushing a whole "ace spectrum" narrative which accomodates even people who simply wouldn't fuck a stranger they never talked to as a "sexuality".
I've also seen ace pages normalize having sex for reasons other than wanting to have sex ("giving your partner a gift"), which is a super fucked up thing to advertise to young women, especially.

Anonymous 76062

Ace people are the most based group out of LGBT.
They don't have a lot in common with the rest but so does T.
The main thing which drives them together is that they aren't part of the norm

Anonymous 76066

I think I worded it badly, I'm more trying to express how it feels to me personally. "social" was the wrong word to use.
It's a fucked up thing to teach, especially to young girls. I stopped trying to look for spaces for other asexuals because the message seems to be less about accepting it and finding other people like you and more about how asexuals CAN have sex and CAN have kinks and CAN be horny and how you should totally push yourself to fuck your partner to make them feel good uwu even if you don't really have the drive to. It's like getting the "you haven't found the right person yet" speech from well meaning normie friends, but it feels more… Insidious? Somehow.

Anonymous 79139

I read somewhere that aversion to sex and romance and identifying as "Asexual" is an over-correction in establishing independence. Aside from extreme trauma, or natural and induced low libidos, I don't see why that would be very far from the truth.

Healthy people with healthy psyches are interested in romance, and sex, if not actively pursuing it.

I was in a very aromantic and asexual state of mind for a couple of years, and I'm starting to shift from it. I think hard tying yourself to these identities is also unhealthy.

Anonymous 79144

Asexual and sex repulsed are two very different things. I’ve had a phase where i was very sexually active and aroused 24/7 after a few traumatic incidents, but i’m now back to being uninterested after i’ve calmed down faced my demons and healing. Idk which one is me. Or if this repulsion now is another irrational response

Anonymous 79164

I honestly wish I was asexual. I have a sexual dysfunction that makes it so I can't get physically aroused or ever experience sexual pleasure. Despite this I can still experience romantic and sexual attraction to people and it's fucking maddening. I wish that I could just be disinterested in sex so at least my life would be easier and maybe I wouldn't feel like my body is broken. Sorry for the blogpost

Anonymous 79165

im asexual and very happy and healthy physically and mentally. i dont pathologize sexuals even if theyre way more likely to do sex crimes, have sex and porn addictions, and suffer because of not having their sexual needs met. so i dont see why i should pathologize myself and people who feel like me when they dont cause or experience nowhere as much trouble in this sphere of life.

Anonymous 79167

this sounds tough nona. are you sure theres nothing that can be done about it?

Anonymous 79174

So far it seems by making it their entire identity too.

Anonymous 79175

I'm not sex repressed or asexual but I don't have it because I don't like relationships. I simply enjoy my life and ignore everything else.

Anonymous 79189


I deal badly with my asexuality because i feel defective. I've never felt any attraction towards anyone but i've always been depressed, i mean at least when my puberty started i was already a depressive mess so i suppose it fucked me up, and not treating my depression for more than a decade didn't help. I think.

I feel pressured by society to have children (i'm 28). I want to be normal, i'm scared of never finding love. I want to feel attraction, but i don't and just thinking about it disgusts me…

I've just finished playing Detroit: Become Human and i wish Connor was my boyfriend. He's so cute i want to cuddle with him and talk all night long and he doesn't need sex because he's an android wtf why is there no android yet i want a robot boyfriend fuck this earth

Anonymous 79193

Based fellow aromantic

[Return] [Catalog]
[ Rules / FAQ ] [ meta / b / media / img / feels / hb / x ]