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New Venturu Threadu Anonymous 8291
Old thread:
>>>/feels/5889Old thread reached cap and I need to cry
Anonymous 8292
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I'm so embarrassed rn I've been crying since it happened.
>Be me
>Walking down a country road back to my house from the town
>Literally bumfuck nowhere, so used to no people around
>road is super long so it's a good like 30-40 minute walk to my house, I'm nearly home though so feeling pretty chill
>Korn randomly suggested on youtube (listening to music)
>Play it and enjoy the nostalgic feels of younger me
>feelsgoodman
>singing a bit under my breath
>begin to jig a bit
>Take it too far and start doing impressions of jonathon davis
>I mean literally dancing around doing that weird arm thing he'd do on a microphone stand
>Mega going for the Jonathon Davis voice too
>Walkers have climbed over a fences style and bimbling in my direction
>didn't realise until too late
It gets worse
>Walker lady "Hello :)"
>Me "G-Good morning *dumb smile"
It was 16:37.
Why do I exist.
Anonymous 8293
>>8215Whether you're ugly or not has no bearings. It can't be helped! Worry for your physical fitness, and not your appearance.
>>8292At least she didn't tear off your skin, and wear it on her face. :)
You shouldn't care so much about being embarrassed. While it is very cute, it doesn't hurt to feel shameless about something so innocuous as dancing to good music.
Anonymous 8302
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>>8292I'm sorry to hear how embarassed you are anon, it makes me sad too. Just try totake your mind off of it with like movies or books or whatever. I wish I had a nice image with people hugging or something to show you my support but I don't so have a comfy pretty painting instead
Anonymous 8331
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>be me, sleeping peacefully
>hear somebody clapping outside
>think it's something I've been waiting to arrive in the mail and that the mailman needs my signature
>sleep almost naked so start dressing
>kinda dizzy because I woke up in such a hurry
>fall.jpg
>"I'LL BE THERE IN A SECOND"
>run without my glasses, can't see well
>"Good morn-"
>a pair of religious freaks
>Not only religious freaks but also friends with my mom's friends
>"Are you Anon?"
>that's my name
>Me: "…that's not me"
>go back inside
>can't sleep anymore, have a headache
u g h
Anonymous 8332
>>8331and this pic is low quality!
(-_-).l. Anonymous 8333
>>8331I'm sorry your morning has been so crappy. I hope your headache goes away soon <3
Anonymous 8338
>>8331Well, it's a good thing you got dressed before going to the door, and religious freaks like that would only prove an annoyance if you let them in, so it's good you turned them away for some well-deserved sleep.
Anonymous 8341
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Guys, I think I'll just stay alone.
I know I just graduated from school and I have all my life ahead of me but..wow.
I never really tried, like, finding a boyfriend, due to my insecurity about my height.(5'9)
Every guy I start talking with it's just meaningless. All they care about is sex and how many girls they'll fuck, so they can show off..Nobody is really romantic and my circle of friends is just surrounded by fuckboys and stacies, so theres really no chance of meeting a decent one. Listening to romantic songs and watching all these innocent romance anime made me realize that I'll never experience anything like that. It just physically hurts me. How do I cope with this?
Anonymous 8349
>>8341You won't get anywhere, if you don't try, anon. There are married anons here that can tell you that. Don't surrender to loneliness. There's someone out there just like you, that wouldn't like anything more than to spend their life with someone like themselves. Don't let your friends' failings be your own downfall, anon. Keep your chin up. Okay?
Anonymous 8354
>>8341>insecurity about my height.(5'9)ur upset that you're a little above average height? no dude who sees you is thinking about this unless he's your height or shorter, and that's a minority of men. i cant tell if this is bait or not
Anonymous 8366
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I feel so dumb, everything recently has been affecting me so much and i don't even know for what reason, every minor thing makes me want to curl up into a ball and just cry.
I got used to basically feeling nothing thanks to my depression, i don't know if this means i'm getting better, but it still feels like hell going from feeling nothing to feeling things all of a sudden.
I feel like i'm letting my emotions take the best of me and i'm just ruining everything around me like i always do.
Anonymous 8367
>>8366Based on what you said it is probably a good thing! It means you are not numb anymore, anon.
Anonymous 8368
>>8366Feeling something is a good thing! It might not be the best of emotions to experience, but being able to recognise that you are feeling sad is great. Please don’t be afraid it to cry anon, it’s healthy to let it all out once in a while. I hope you feel better soon. I hope eventually you can feel more emotions than just sadness and the need to cry.
Anonymous 8369
>>8368Please don’t be afraid to*
Anonymous 8370
>>8366Anon, it tears me to read of your sadness. What happened? What hurt you? I want to console you.
Anonymous 8380
>>8379
Nobody from this site can do that from across the internet, anon. Get well soon.
Anonymous 8385
>>8379
Sending soft kisses in the form of ibuprofen and heat pads. <3
Anonymous 8386
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I've realized as someone in my mid 20s that I've officially lost a lot of my childhood and teenage memories.
Even if I can recall some of them I don't remember the details as vividly and I'm more than likely misremembering a lot of it.
I remember as a preteen thinking how my 39 something year old mother couldn't remember things about her prom or childhood…and I'm starting to know what she meant.
Also a part of me is really salty I never kept a diary that might've helped me remember things now. Mom broke my trust as a child about keeping one. She shamed me for what I wrote in one once, and read it out loud as she held me back. After she was through I remember tearing out each individual page and flushing it down the toilet. She was a teacher too, she should've known how damaging that was..
I haven't kept a diary since, and whenever I did/do feel like writing down personal thoughts on paper I always write as if someone were to read it…just in case. I'm still this way as an adult which is why I don't keep one, I don't even feel okay knowing people would read it after I'm dead and buried tbh. The shame is too real.
Anonymous 8388
>>8386That's horrible, anon. Never being allowed to write down your own thoughts, having no peace of mind. It's absolutely cruel. You should start writing now, while you still can. Everything you can still remember is still worth keeping close, anon. Don't fear what cannot reach you anymore.
Anonymous 8392
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>>8367>>8368Thank you anons, i really appreciate your words. I hope you have both a wonderful weekend <3
>>8370You are so kind, anon, I don't know how to explain myself exactly without giving too much away, but, i just feel like i'm not allowed to be happy and every single time i achieve anything nice i manage to fuck it up one way or another, i feel like my emotions are self-sabotaging me because deep down i believe i don't deserve nice things, i feel like a constant failure.
I got so used to the numbness that this whole thing just feels overwhelming.
I'm really hoping it'll pass.
Anonymous 8395
>>8392You have to make yourself pass it. Not wait for it to pass. You need to lift yourself up. Don't worry about "too much" details when you're venting here. Just don't state anything obvious, like names, locations, etc.
Anonymous 8396
>>8386I'm so sorry anon. You didn't deserve to go through that as a child, it was cruel that your mother did that. I agree with
>>8388 that it's never too late to start writing a diary. Perhaps try different writing styles, as if writing a letter to yourself, or first person, or an online journal. I sometimes open up a word document and type everything that's on my mind and then not save it, or disguise it as something with a pretty boring title. I hope you figure out a way to express yourself through writing.
Anonymous 8397
>>8386Wow, are you me? Almost everything you said could've been written by me; feelings, situations and thoughts. The exception is that my mom isn't a teacher like me/us.
Anonymous 8409
>>8397I hope you don't have the same problems because of it, anon.
Anonymous 8417
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This is fucked up, but yesterday a guy on the street was calling me sexy and that I had nice legs. It actually made me feel good because my fiance never compliments me and I feel horribly ugly around him with some things he says. Plus, I never get cat called or anything. Around here I usually get told "Fuck you bitch, keep walking."
I'm ugly but at least I have a decent body I guess. I keep asking my fiance why he's getting married to someone he's not physically attracted to and he gave me the whole "you're beautiful on the inside" thing.
Anonymous 8420
>>8417Why are you marrying someone who is not physically attracted to you? He is going to cheat down the road.
And you need to work on your self esteem.
Anonymous 8422
>>8417He might like the almost absolute control he wields in the relationship. Seems pretty narcissistic.
Anonymous 8424
>>8386As someone who had a mother like this, was always terrified of keeping a diary in case someone else read it, and now keeps a diary I write in regularly (at worst, once a month, at best, multiple times a day): really work on trying not to write about how you feel insecure about your writing because that ate up so many pages of my diary because I always felt like I had to justify how stupid my diary would "read" to strangers. Once I stopped myself from writing that and just focusing on what happened to me, my thoughts, my feelings, I felt much better about my diary because even if I still felt like my thoughts were stupid, at least they weren't muddled with so much fat from me worrying about how stupid my writing must make me seem (in addition to the stupidity that's already inside me).
Now I feel dumb mentioning this because I know that was stupid of me to do, even then, but it was such a strong compulsion of mine. I hate being so insecure and idiotic.
The bottom line: don't care about your insecurity, care about the future you who will be glad to have a record of yourself years ago. Hopefully, future you will be more understanding, confident, and kind to whoever they are, so they won't beat themselves up for writing cringy shit from the past. Even if you want to commit suicide or something, it's easy to throughly burn a diary beforehand.
Anonymous 8428
>>8420Because no one else is attracted to me? I never get hit on at the bar or anywhere else, and men who go on dates with me just want to hit it and quit it.
>>8422Maybe, he's not a controlling person at all tho.
Anonymous 8432
>>8428So you're marrying him, because nobody's attracted to you, including him?
Anonymous 8435
>>8432Yes, because he at least hasn't cheated on me yet, or if he has he's incredibly sneaky about it. The last guy I dated cheated on me from day one.
I'm 28 and want to have kids one day, so this is what I have to settle for I guess, as an ugly girl.
Anonymous 8436
>>8435What the hell, there is so much wrong with this way of thinking. Don't do that to yourself and your future child. How can you love a child if you don't love yourself? You not equipped to bring a new life into this world, your horrible self-esteem issues will rub off on it no matter how much you try to hide them. And Jesus Christ, before having a child, at least find someone who truly loves you. It's a fucking huge mistake even attempt to spend the rest of your life with someone you're not in love with. The child will know.
Anonymous 8437
>>8436I love myself, the problem is no one else does, and it sucks.
It's not like we argue or anything, and he does a lot for me. Unfortunately, looks do matter to men, there's a lot of studies done behind this.
Anonymous 8439
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>>8292Okay I can relate almost. I'd really like to share what a fool I made of myself recently, and if I could undo it I would but there's nothing to do but shrug about it.
>sitting at bus stop, alone like usual>feeling hyper and a song has been stuck in my head all day>it's 'boss' by lil pump >start actually saying it out loud>start not knowing the already super simple lyrics and replace every single line with "suck my dick and balls" >start actually dancing to this somehow>another girl walks up>has a facial expression of "wat" mixed with this half grin while biting her lip>I got super embarrassed and then said outloud "oh well"I stopped caring in like 15 seconds though. Maybe in some years you can not feel as embarrassed about things? It wasn't until recently I stopped remembering embarrassing things and cringing at myself in agony. It wasn't a conscious choice or anything it just suddenly happened.
Everybody does weird stuff when they're alone. And that lady saw everything and then read your expression and understood perfectly. Especially if she's fully grown she isn't going to care. It's okay to cry but what you did is totally normal behavior and the witnesses ought to know that.
Anonymous 8446
>>8435I don't think you should marry him but I'd probably marry him if I were in your shoes. Godspeed.
Anonymous 8448
>>8439It's good to feel shame, anon. You shouldn't just try to ignore your mind's own calls for improvement. It could lead to moments like that becoming more and more prominent, until people start giving you the shame you refuse to feel. That's something you should never face.
Anonymous 8462
>>8448I get what you're saying, and agree for many things, but there's simply no shame in dancing like a dork by yourself and maybe accidentally getting caught. There's nothing to improve on there. There's no need to think back to the time the movie theater employee goes "enjoy the movie" "y-you too", or saying good morning to a lady in the afternoon. Awkward =/= shameful
Anonymous 8466
>>8462Your mind just wants you to improve, anon. Enough cringing, and you'll finally be able to answer the clerks properly. That's how social awkwardness goes away! Everyone's mind works like that. There's no shame in it!
Anonymous 8554
>>8543>>8544Could you explain it a bit more, anon? Don't be afraid to vent it all out.
Anonymous 8575
>>8554I complained about it in the previous thread. I live with my sister and her family and feel like a burden despite making my own money, but it isn't enough to support myself on my own. I am so tired and I just don't neck myself because I am too much of a pussy to try it again. No one complains about it, but I feel bad and like a huge burden for some reason. I've always been depressed, but not like this. I did attempt to hang myself when I was younger and got to pass out briefly, but my hands were loose, so I chickened out in time to save myself. I always wake up wishing I would have let myself die. Everything is shit. I don't know why my mood is so bad now. This is really a big change from last year when I was in a much better place mentally wise even though things were shitty, too. I went to a nearby lake this morning and thought about my life and how I used to picture how it'd be like when I was younger. I've only ever dreamed of being a mom, having a simple life, my own little cozy place and other simple things. But I can't have any of those things, they were denied. I can't find anyone and now even my finances are fucked. I've tried to change my personality, but it doesn't work.
A while ago I watched a video about a guy who posted an ad that said "cannibal looking for a suicidal person. I will treat you with respect and kill you painlessly. I will not hurt you. We can have dinner and you will be granted your wish". How fucked up am I to think that this would be a great deal? I don't want to be eaten, that is gruesome, but since I can't kill myself I wish someone else would, if painlessly. Learning that I got to a point where I'm okay with being eaten if granted the sweet relief of death just made me feel worse about myself. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. I look in the mirror and I see a pretty, friendly, nice girl who has everything to succeed, but things never do. Whether the fault is entirely mine or circumstantial, I don't know, but it is too late to fix this shit. I've been trying to get out of the house more often when I'm not at work or running errands, but it is not enough.
I was asked on a date yesterday, but I don't know if I want to go out with this person. Things would have different if he'd have asked me out a year ago, but he ditched me for someone else, and I can't accept being second place and only getting attention when he is out of options. I always complain about loneliness, but when someone finally tries to reach out to me and asks me on a date, I feel this way? That I don't want to go? What the hell.
It is just really frustrating. Always shotting myself in the foot.
Almost every night I cry myself to sleep. I don't even know why I cry so much, but it is worse at nighttime. I feel so touch starved. I have some emotional support from friends, but what I really need is someone who would put their hand on my shoulder and say "hey, it will be okay, i am here and i am not going anywhere" and give me a hug and not let me go even if I start crying in despair. At the same time I don't want people to pity me, so after opening up I feel terrible. I don't want pity, I don't want people to give me attention just because they are sorry for me. I want love and to be loved. I want to be able to support myself without feeling like I am using my family, and feeling pathetic and like a leech.
I'm always finding ways to slowly destroy myself, but they're never aggresive enough. I don't even realize they are self destructive behaviors before it is too late. I hardly ever eat because of the depression and I feel dizzy every day. I don't even know if it has to do with my eating habits because even when I do eat, I feel like I'm about to pass out. Sometimes I go outside alone late at night and hope something bad will happen to me. Sorry for the edge, but the solution to my problem is a lobotomy.
I am way too tired of everything to try to improve my situation unless if pushed, and even when pushed, I shoot myself in the foot like with my date. I am going to press "post reply" and feel bad for crying here, but I've typed a long post so I should post it.
tl;dr broke, feeling alone. can't leave my sister's house, feel guilt over this. feel bad after venting because i feel like people only give attention to me because they pity me.
Anonymous 8578
>>8575everything is going to be alright anon, all you can do is your best, you don't need to feel that guilt. those other things you want can come with time and some effort, and they will most definitely come. for now you should really try to love yourself as best as you can. you seem like a good person so please take care of yourself and eat. talk to someone when you really need to, and antidepressants or therapy could always be an option as well.
Anonymous 8580
>>8575You can find someone, anon. There's somebody who wants to have a family with you, to provide for you, and to love you. This guy you speak of is definitely wanting you on the rebound. I don't think your doubts of his character are too far. Please consider taking your life to church if it is so bad that you feel like taking your life. Orthodoxy would be the strongest option. Church events and charity could serve to help you, and you might even meet someone who wants to spend their life with you. Don't end your life, anon.
Anonymous 8587
>>8578>>8580Thank you, anons. I hope so, too. I have no idea what is going to happen. I had good news today (related to a new job), but I don't want to get too excited just yet.
I wish you were right about me ever finding someoene. Sometimes I wish I'd just accept the fact I will be alone. I'm not religious, so I don't know if finding someone in the Church would be good, especially for them. I also have a hard time meeting new people. Maybe when I feel better.
I've been through therapy and I've tried meds, but I don't think I can afford those things right now, and getting help where I am might be harder without money.
Thank you reading my vent post, I appreciate it.
Anonymous 8593
>>8587The meds are not going to help you. You're only going to become reliant on them, which will only leave you worse off when they are unavailable. Religion would seriously be the better choice to make with coping. You don't have to be alone.
Anonymous 8594
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I've never loved him but cutting him off finally gives me a very weird feeling because I'm a hermit and he said I would die alone if it weren't for him
Anonymous 8596
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I'm not sure if I'm a developmentally stunted idiot or I have a legitimate anxiety disorder.
>dread socializing, feel good while socializing, then second-guess everything I said & regret putting myself out there
>avoid meeting up with people in public bc "what if I don't see them at first and I walk around cluelessly?" "what if there's nowhere for us to sit at [place we're meeting]?" etc etc
>scared to talk to anyone older or who I deem "better" than me
>constantly think "how can I end this conversation so I don't embarrass myself?" even if I'm thoroughly enjoying the convo
>beat myself up over tiny interactions with cashiers, salespeople
>frozen in place when I'm at someone's house/apartment bc I don't want to do something weird
>obsess over slip-ups/other inconveniences so much that it affects my ability to concentrate
I know these issues are my own damn fault bc I isolated myself as a teenager due to depression and an ED. But it sucks being in my 20s and finding it impossible to make lasting connections with people/network for the career I want to pursue so badly.
Anonymous 8612
>>8596At these issues, you need to make choices, and not run away. Become more impulsive, and you'll correct yourself eventually.
Anonymous 8679
>>8593I will consider it. It's just hard for me to feel open to the idea of God being real, it is probably related to my upbringing. Thank you, anon-chan.
Anonymous 8680
>>8596I am the same way regarding some of the things you listed. I've trained myself to seem less autistic though. Fake it until you make it. I felt funny in the beginning and I knew I was fooling myself, but as time went by it became second nature.
Anonymous 8682
>>8679Please give it a chance, anon. You need faith right now. It'll cost you less than therapy or drugs ever will. You just need to believe.
Anonymous 8695
>>8682I just don't know where to start. I used to pray a few years ago, but nowadays I feel like I'm talking to myself. I'd like god to be real, but I don't understand why people suffer so much and he doesn't do anything if he actually loves us. I'm not even talking about myself because I have a roof over my head and my problems are ridiculous compared to other people's troubles. I wish I got a sign or something, I'm open to the possibility of god existing, I just don't know if he wants to hear me, if he's out there. Sorry I am making my whole drama posts so lengthy.
Anonymous 8696
>>8695>I don't understand why people suffer so much and he doesn't do anything if he actually loves usBecause there is an evil to this world that could only be wiped away with us all, and he doesn't want that. You have to believe, bear the pain, and live. You have said before that someone should help you through this, and live the life you've wanted before. You need to help yourself, before you can help others, anon. Just read the good book, and engross yourself in its tales. You will learn much that you ask to know.
Anonymous 8698
>>8696I've been thinking a lot about god and spirituality lately. I wish I could believe in something. I know a lot about the Bible, or used to, but I've never had faith. Maybe I need help with that, I don't know. Thank you for listening to me, anon.
Anonymous 8699
>>8698It's not too late for you, anon. Somebody has the same feelings, and wants the same things. You have to cleanse your body, and seek them the same way they seek you. I hope you take the right path I have shown you.
Anonymous 8701
>>8698I recently took up faith and its helped me not feel alone when I've gone through it hard. Plus it feels good to believe. Try a day of believing and trying it out and pray some!
Anonymous 8704
this is really petty, but I feel like crap and don't want to pack for a family vacation where things will be shitty for two weeks
Anonymous 8705
>>8704There's no point in not enjoying yourself, on a vacation. Make the most of it.
Anonymous 8707
>>8701>>8699Thank you both, I promise I will do my best and talk to someone who might be able to help me with that, and answer my god related questions. I've felt a little better since venting here, I think it helped me. <3
Anonymous 8709
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Sad and wasted the whole day watching vine compilations (rip)
Anonymous 8716
my best friend died in 2014. i don't think i will ever recover from it
Anonymous 8718
>>8717it was a car crash. i know i won't ever find a friend like her again.
Anonymous 8721
>>8718She won't have a friend like you, either, anon. If she could tell you so much as one thing from death, it would be to move on. Please, anon.
Anonymous 8726
>>8291today i just found out i got into university and i thought i would finally go out and celebrate somehow or at least not feel stressed but im just incredibly dissapointed by i donț know what? i really just want to cry but i cant even do that
Anonymous 8730
>>8726That's something to be proud of anon!
Sometimes things that positive changes can still come with mixed feelings, especially for changes in life stages. For university, getting in is a huge moment, but it's also the commitment to work and study for the next few years too.
I hope you find the time to celebrate some and give yourself a break.
Anonymous 8735
wish I wasn't a gross trans abomination but that's just who i am
should have been born in 200 years when I could just swap my cyberbrain into a new body
Anonymous 8737
>>8735Whatever you do, don't operate. It never leads anywhere good. Just try to go the other way with what you were born as.
Anonymous 8775
>>8735I hope you feel better about yourself eventually anon <3
Anonymous 8779
Shit, I always blush at work. Now my coworkers think I'm in love with a coworker when actually I'm just awkward and weird. This makes things even more awkward and weird. Why am I like this?
Anonymous 8782
>>8779Just be serious with them and explain you have no interest in your coworker. You can do it.
As for being awkward and weird, I don't really know. Either time will change it or your coworkers will get used to your behavior.
Anonymous 8799
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>tfw when you try you hardest to become the best version of yourself but it's still obvious everyone would rather be talking to someone else and not you
>tfw you try hard to start convos and be interesting but it's obvious the other person doesn't care and would rather be doing something else
>tfw you always fuck everything good that happens to you
Guess i am destined to die alone and as a cat lady after all.
Anonymous 8801
>>8799Maybe it's just a matter of attitude? Why do you think they'd rather be doing something else? I can kinda relate because I have the same problem.
Anonymous 8802
>>8801I don't think so, i am always kind to people and listen to them no matter what and try to engage them as much as i can, i also like to think i'm good at making people laugh and i always avoid any kind of conflict.
I don't know, i just kind of feel it, like a hunch, but then again, i might be making a big deal out of nothing thanks to my anxiety. I'm sorry you feel the same way because i know how much this feeling sucks.
Anonymous 8808
>>8802If they didn't like you, they'd tell you so, and not just through word. Don't be afraid of talking to people. You'll meet someone soon enough.
Anonymous 8823
I've been on the brink of bawling all day and I can't even start to put everything into words because I know the floodgates will open and I just can't afford to let myself go right now, I'm already at rock bottom and if I lose the last bit of control I'm holding on to, all is lost. I'm at a very precarious stage of my life and if I continue to fuck up, I might as well die.
But here I am, grieving the death of an ex, grieving the youth I lost, the life I fucked up, the person I could've been and wondering why I even still try when I can't see any single way for my life to still turn around.
Anonymous 8830
>>8823You need to let it all out, anon. Bottling it up is what will really make it worse. Grieve until you accept the reality.
Anonymous 8841
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Every time I find an online community for weebs and loners I still feel like an outsider. Even the users who are neets and on the autism spectrum seem to handle socializing better than me. It makes me feel so bad and even worse than being without any kind of communication. I'm also bothered by the fact that all the new friends made from those communities already have hundred other people on their friend lists. How could I possibly be anything else but a random name on that list? I have 7 online friends on my discord, 3 on my steam, but none of them feel like actual friends and they never respond to my private messages.
Anonymous 8842
>>8841Are you in the cc discord? Everybody is very friendly there
Anonymous 8843
>>8842The people in these communities have always been nice to me, they're nice towards anyone. What I wish is more intimacy and personal contact. Direct messaging with people I find interesting would be ideal way to get to know them better and become actual friends. When talking with them in a general chat room it's not as personal and thus less meaningful. I think they find it meaningful even if it's told in a large busy chat, but the truth is the relationship between us can never develop into anything more than casual chatting.
Anonymous 8846
>>8843I think you need a pen pal, someone who you can exchange long letters with, I think you can get to know someone better that way and it's more personal than just chatting about whatever. I don't know where and how you could find someone like that though…
Anonymous 8847
>>8841>>8843Maybe you don't show people you're open to a real friendship? What type of messages did you send when they ignored you?
Anonymous 8848
>>8841What you're looking for can't be found here, anon. You need to seek your soulmate. The fact they have so many "friends" probably means they don't talk much, so they're not exactly better than you for just spamming requests. The best way to socialise is through real life itself, and you need to do that.
Anonymous 8849
I can't stand my relatives, they just fight all the time. I hate this.
Anonymous 8850
>>8849It's never good, anon. Worst yet, it's the kind of problem you can't exactly solve yourself. We'll be here for the support you can look to.
Anonymous 8853
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>>8808Thank you, anon, those words are really reassuring.
I guess i'm always kind of paranoid because all the friends I've had so far always betrayed me or got bored of me and shit talked me behind my back and i'm scared it's happening again any time i meet new people.
Anonymous 8855
>>8853I'm the anon from yesterday who said I felt the same way. I can relate so much, I wish I could offer some good advice. The longest and strongest friendship I've ever had ended in Feb because my friend betrayed me in a really terrible way, so I'm more paranoid than ever, even when I pretend not to be. I don't know how to change, but I am wishing you the best and great friends who will be on your side for no matter what.
Anonymous 8857
>>8855I'm very sorry that happened to you as well anon, it's really tough and it fucks you up for life so i can understand how you are feeling.
I am also wishing the best for you and that you find trustworthy friends, you deserve them, sending you an internet hug.
Anonymous 8858
>get only 3 an hour
>went through literal hell and got soaked in the rain just for me to get sick later and got covered in mud, drove almost an hour just to deliever someone their food, just to be held back for 3 hours of traffic later thus missing more deliveries
>they didn't even spare me a dime, despite going through all that and how far away we are
I want to die
Anonymous 8861
>>8856Don't be boring, then. Only boring people get bored.
>>8857Real hugs, anon. Not virtual hugs. Make friends out there, anon. I believe in you.
>>8858I really hope you don't mean 3/h in dollars, anon. I think that's illegal pay, under federal law.
Anonymous 8863
>>8861Its legal if most your wage is supposed to be tips
Anonymous 8865
>>8863That's still illegal, though. The bare minimum is supposed to be 7.25, federally. I'm pretty sure there's no exceptions based on tips.
Anonymous 8866
>>8865It's legal
https://www.dol.gov/whd/state/tipped.htmI wouldn't have an issue if i got better hours and got tipped better, it was a bad day if anything, and wasted a lot of money for me
Anonymous 8868
>>8866You looking at any other jobs?
Anonymous 8873
I always feel like running away from everything.
Anonymous 8876
Tonight I'm thinking a lot about the fact that both of my grandmas are going to die in the near future.
Anonymous 8877
>>8876Are you close? I'm sorry, anon. ):
Anonymous 8881
>>8876At least you have grandmas. Call them right now.
Anonymous 8888
>>8877Yeah, kind of.
>>8881I'll do that. It's still sad because it's inevitable that something happens.
Anonymous 8916
>>8888How did it go?
>>8915Wherever you are, this doesn't sound like the best place to live. Is someone taking care of you?
Anonymous 8918
>>8917
Furniture? Apartment? School!? Whaaat? I think I'm gonna need a quick rundown, anon. I don't get exactly what you're telling me.
Anonymous 8922
>>8921
I really think you should take a step back, and think this through. Might want to shift a few things around.
Anonymous 8935
>>8928
Why school, though?
Anonymous 9002
my mom told me she was cheating on my dad a few months ago and never stopped telling me the details of her affair ever since. she has no friends her age because all she's been in her life was a really isolated housewife so i dont tell her to stop out of pity. today, though, she confessed that she started cheating because my dad, who is away for "work" most of the time came home with an std. i feel so ashamed and i just really, really despise them both
Anonymous 9012
>>9002Woah, anon. Would you ever tell him or you'd rather not do anything? Sounds tough, I'm so sorry.
Anonymous 9044
>>9002I can't even imagine, woah.
There was a story of a boy named Chris who discovered his father in fact had a second family he hid from his "main" family that he only saw on business trips, and he bounced back and forth and lived a double life somehow.
Finding out about this news got to him so much that he dropped everything in life and went minimalist mode and backpacked across north America to eventually die in Alaska.
That must be overwhelming.
But what I will tell you from personal experience is that you can be your own person and have pride and dignity even if every member of your family does terrible things that make you feel ashamed. It doesn't have to reflect on you even if it's shitty.
People can take divorce hard but that sounds more rough, I'm sorry.
Anonymous 9070
>>9012i wouldn't stir things up and they've been living practically separate lives except for sleeping under the same roof. my mother is leaving for three days next week which is really unusual for her, but when i've asked about how come they didn't have a fight she told me dad didn't even bother to ask where she's going, so he's most likely figured out and doesn't care.
>>9044man, that's a really sad story to hear, i hope he's found his peace. for me, it seems like the few family moments we had are tainted now, but you're right, the best thing to do right how is work on myself and try not to be shitty.
so yeah, thank you for your comforting words, anons, i really had no one to share this with since it's a touchy subject, but i feel less alone now that i did. i hope you're doing well, really
Anonymous 9078
>>9071
Oh, come on. It couldn't have changed you that much.
Anonymous 9080
ccru.png
I'm getting really sick and I still have to go to school and work.. anons… how can I get through this
Anonymous 9082
>>9080Why sick? Is it a flu? Or something worse? Sorry, anon-chan.
Anonymous 9088
>>9087
Exactly what kind of change are we talking about, here?
Anonymous 9090
>>9089
There's no shame, anon. Open up.
Anonymous 9091
I'm in the middle of a mini heart attack because of how anxious I am. Fuuu.
Anonymous 9093
>>9092Why does everything have to do with boys?
Anonymous 9094
>>9093What's got you anxious, anon?
Anonymous 9097
>>9095Just get over it. You're there to prove you're good to work, and if you don't, you won't get it.
Anonymous 9098
>>9097This is not constructive advice, idiot.
Anonymous 9100
>>9091>>9095What kind of job are you interviewing for?
Anonymous 9102
>>9098Anon, there are a lot of things you can give advice for, but a job interview is very straightforward. All I can tell you is to do it.
Anonymous 9109
>>9097Thank you. You're right, I just think I might have a bit of social anxiety.
>>9100I don't want to detail it too much, but I'd have to work with businessmen. That's not the real reason why I was nervous though. I don't even know why I was.
Anonymous 9159
tl;dr: small, very tightly knit internet community is blowing up at me and many people hate me now over misconstrued things. It's the worst feeling in the world and I feel like throwing up. I just want to make everyone feel better but I can't. I tried to explain everything but it didn't matter.
I know this makes no sense without context, but I needed to get it out of my system.
I want to die. I let everyone down.
Anonymous 9226
1531603946702.jpg
>masturbating
>think about how happy I used to be
Anonymous 9231
>>9226Do you want to explain what changed in your life?
Anonymous 9235
I broke up with my ex over a year ago and his mom is sending me messages now, probably trying to get us back together. I wish she'd stop, but I'm too polite to say leave me alone reeeee. How does she have the courage to talk to me when he treated me so badly is beyond me. Please leave me alone.
Anonymous 9236
>>9231A year ago I had friends and was attending uni and now I've got no friends and have only attended uni in 2018 to try to explain why I haven't been attending uni.
Anonymous 9248
Do you ever feel like running away from everything? How to change feeling this way? How to cope?
Anonymous 9388
1523220709533.jpg
My partner has gained a lot of weight and I'm just not into them. I don't know if they are going to do anything about it, i don't know how to tell them to lose weight without sounding awful. What do
Anonymous 9392
>>9044>There was a story of a boy named Chris who discovered his father in fact had a second family he hid from his "main" family that he only saw on business trips, and he bounced back and forth and lived a double life somehow. How is that even possible? It sounds like a lot of work.
Anonymous 9405
>>9388Ask them if anything's wrong.
Anonymous 9411
>>9388You could tell them you've noticed they gained a bit of weight and that you want them to be healthier because you love them. You don't have to talk about appearance.
>>9405 is right, too.
Anonymous 9465
I need a massage. My back hurts.
Anonymous 9474
>>9465I need a massage and a hug.
Anonymous 9478
>>9474Go up to someone and ask for one. Post results.
Anonymous 9482
>>9478The type of hug I need isn't the type you can get from anyone.
Anonymous 9510
>>9488I wish I knew how to explain that.
Anonymous 9519
>>9510Tell me how you want to be held, anon.
Anonymous 9531
>>9519I want to be held for a long time without being asked if there's anything wrong with me, or if I'm okay, or anything. Just a very long, comforting, tight hug. My family would be okay with hugs, but not long ones like the type I want, and they'd think something is wrong with me (something is probably wrong with me, but yeah)
Anonymous 9537
>>9531Oh, anon. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be loved. There's more people that want nothing more than that, than you'd think. You'll find someone who wants to give you that.
Anonymous 9543
>>9539You're welcome! Keep searching, anon!
Anonymous 9588
I have a lot of college work due tonight and any sort of encouragement would be really helpful right now anons. I’ve been beating myself up for weeks so being positive isn’t coming easy to me these days.
Anonymous 9589
>>9588Your friend redbull will help you bb
Good luck! Just remember that tomorrow you will be free of all those assignments! One last pull!
Anonymous 9594
>>9588You can do it! Sending good vibes your way.
Anonymous 9597
>>9588College sucks. I hope you can find a job at all, with your degree.
Anonymous 9669
>>9597Why so negative? You have no idea what major this anon is in.
OT: Why are people who don't go to college so bitter about people who do go to college? They post shit about how dumb it is to get a degree when they themselves don't have a job to brag about. I feel like that isn't constructive. If you don't want a college education, fine, but some of us want one for many reasons other than simply getting a job.
Anonymous 9672
>>9670
I know, but I want to believe there is some other reason…I don't want to believe they're just bitter and jealous.
Anonymous 9677
>>9676
That is my opinion as well. I don't think people should base their self-worth off whether they went to college or not, but I feel like taking a class and the fact everyone has to learn certain subjects (GEs) is an enriching experience for any person, even if they learn that they totally hate it.
Anonymous 9682
>>9633>>9669>>9670>>9672>>9672>>9676>>9677You already answered my question. Your heads get up your ass, and someone has to pay the loan. Could've taken my hope that you can get a job with your degree, but I can't give you that, either.
Anonymous 9684
>>9682ik plenty of people who are/were sent to college entirely on their parents dime, or entirely on free government money and scholarships. stay bitter
Anonymous 9687
>>9682>>9684and before you go "well obviously that's not who i'm talking about!", i want to point out that you went out of your way to shit on someone for just saying they're in college.
Anonymous 9688
>>9684Into what degrees? What futures? I hope they didn't squander their parent's love.
>>9685Ah, nevermind, then. I just hope it was something you could actually put to a job.
>>9687If you get offended at my pity, it's not my fault.
Anonymous 9834
>>9411>>9405Thanks, that's a good way to ask.
Anonymous 9836
>>9685
I'm in CA and my parents entirely paid for my and my siblings' educations. And I really still don't understand the bitterness when many jobs require more than just connections: they do require a degree. Otherwise, I'd be guaranteed a job from connections alone and would have no need to get a degree.
Anonymous 9898
The thunder here is really bad and I'm terrfied of loud noises. I keep hearing it over my headphones and I feel very bad right now.
Anonymous 9902
>>9900
Thank you for reminding me about earbuds! I haven't used them in years. I now have my headphones over them with my music on, I hope it helps. It's meant to continue for the next 7 hours.
Anonymous 9957
My bf said he wouldn't talk to me for 25 min and I'm suffering because I'm clingy.
Anonymous 9984
>>9976I'm talking to him right now.
Anonymous 9986
>>9984Oh boy! Tell him Anon says hi!
Anonymous 9987
>>9986He says hi back.
And he's watching right now.
Anonymous 9997
>>9994Nope, we're going to hang out for a bit longer.
Anonymous 10001
>need to stay busy because human biology causes you to become anxious if nothing to focus on or plan
>things I use to stay busy cause anxiety anyway
Stress levels forever too high, horribly aware of how that effects my body on life expectancy. Stressed about stress and probably gonna die of stress. How do I even relax. What is relax?
Anonymous 10007
I can't sleep because I have terrible cramps ughugh. A normal person would just take a painkiller, but I don't like taking meds unless I think I'm dying. Why am I so retarded?
Anonymous 10019
>>10007That's not retarded, anon. It's good to not rely on meds for everyday problems.
Anonymous 10022
>>10019Yeah, but I may have something importantish to do tomorrow, so not getting any sleep because of cramps is bad. Thanks, anon.
Anonymous 10024
>>10022Prevention is the best treatment. Find the cause, and nip it.
Anonymous 10026
>>10024The cause is having working ovaries and womb though.
Anonymous 10029
>>10026Well, there
is a solution for that. You know. Might take a while, though.
Anonymous 10033
>>10029Kek'ed too hard, felt like blood is coming. Thanks for that.
Anonymous 10035
>>10033It's nothing, anon! Be sure to find a nice boy to help you with those problems!
Anonymous 10036
>>10035… Are you telling me to get pregnant? lel Anonymous 10040
holy fuck today was not good
>be me
>job-hunting rn
>go to see programner bf a few hour ago, fall asleep on the couch
>wake up to bf like, 'anon I built you a website! :3'
>…what?
>turns out that while I was sleeping, without being asked to, he created a website and a Craigslist ad for house cleaning services for me to earn money
>prices are absurdly low ($10 per room!) also I have zero experience as a professional house cleaner also I am incredibly nervous about going into stranger's houses alone
>he already bought a fucking domain name
I don't want to seem ungrateful and I do appreciate the thought but WHY DID YOU DO THIS
I am now too worried to sleep and I just want to tell him to take everything down please it was a nice thought but I really don't want to do this but I also don't want to disappoint him but why didn't he just ask me before he went to all this trouble??? goddammit.
Anonymous 10041
>>10040>a Craigslist ad He might be trying to kill you.
Anonymous 10042
>>10041thanks for encouraging those thoughts, my brain already went there
Anonymous 10053
>>10036I mean it'll stop your cramps, in a way, though it does come with some noticeable side-effects. Anonymous 10054
>>10053I don't have the male for that yet though.
Anonymous 10081
1439234410453.jpg
Ok, so i am basically done.
Done with this life.
My life has been always shitty so this is nothing new, but what happened in the last months, especially this is fuckin beyond my understanding. Idk what happened, but recently i have meet SO MANY toxic, mean people that is just fuckin crazy. Even people that are close to me are mean af. What the hell happened?! Because of that i start begin bitter and feel shitty. There is maybe some anon with the same problem? Like in one second you meet fuckton toxic people and it seems like it never ends? I also start thinking it's maybe spiritual thing idk. Maybe my stars pranks on me or jesus is just tired with my existence and keeps pushing me to already fucking kill myself. Also not only people, i get so many bad news and situations recenly?! What the hell?! God i am so mad rn. I'm so fuckin done with this existence.
Anonymous 10082
>>10081I understand totally what you mean and fuck those people, cut them off and keep a couple good friends
Anonymous 10085
>>10082Yeah, you're right but I live with parents who are mean too and just take my all my will and energy to live. Also, I have met toxic people even just doing groceries. It's just freaking weird, something like this never happened to me. I tend to attract toxic people but recently it's just idk, just abnormal. That's why I start to think it's maybe just some spiritual thing. But still, big thanks :)!
>>10083Yep, I need to calm down, I just get angry cause dad just get into fight with me because of one small stupid thing. Uuuuuhhhh… i'm just tired. But thanks anyway. I hope it will get better…
Anonymous 10086
>>10085>I live with parents who are mean too and just take my all my will and energy to liveThey're trying to live off of your misery, anon. Simply put they're fucked in the head. Pity them, be smug, but whatever you do, don't let them get to you. Let their rage blow over.
Anonymous 10114
I messaged my ex because I want to fix our relationship and I'm upset over out messy breakup. When he left me he wanted to talk about what happened/remain friends but I shut him down because I was so hurt and refused to see him. I sent him a a 'Hey' and get left on read, sent him a long iMessage after asking to fix us but it's still blue but doesn't say 'delivered'. I don't think I'm blocked but I don't think it got to him…
Anonymous 10123
>>10114Send him a handwritten letter instead, at least it shows a bit more dedication.
Anonymous 10127
>>10114Go over to his house late at night, pound hard on his door and demand him to open up, then act as if nothing happened if he actually does open up and start talking calmly and sweetly to him, if he declines then smack the shit out of him, men are dumb.
Anonymous 10179
VeBSV13.jpg
I'm back on my self destructive bullshit looking for love and fulfillment in all the wrong places
Anonymous 10180
>>10081I kind of understand, though there seems to be time spans in my life where it's like the world is against me. My friends seem rude and I get into arguments/stalemates with them and I can't open up to them because they're being so critical, even with my best friend a harsh word is said. Then I seem to not get on with work colleagues, classmates, it feels like in public people are more rude, bumping into me, uncomfortable situations, new people who i'm introduced to are shit.
I figure that the common denominator is me and I just distance myself from all interactions for a week or two. At some point a positive thing happens and that usually breaks the cycle, but it's shiiit when it's happening and it'd be nice to know why.
Anonymous 10183
>>10179What "wrong places"? Looking for love at all is a good thing, anon.
Anonymous 10185
Almost all men cheat. Especially the ones who do their best to seem like a nice and reliable guy.
At least I know what I'm getting when I go for chad.
Anonymous 10206
I have a lot of talents but my husband disapproves of me pursuing them and would rather like to see me excel in household chores, which is an Antitalent of mine (my mum was a hoarder).
To be fair, it is my duty and he works two jobs so I don't need to work and can take care of the family.
Anonymous 10208
>>10206What talents do you have, anon?
Anonymous 10209
1525208544541.jpg.…
>>10183I guess love is the wrong word, more like empty attention from people who claim they love me but not really. And I don't know how to stop.
Anonymous 10210
>>10208I'm incredibly lucky in business relationships and tend to land awesome jobs. I also am a trained IT technician, and able to write well. I'm passionate about Geoinformatics. Also I like to sing and dance. I would love to work - I thrive in that environment. Also I'm great in inventing and repairing things.
Literally everything about myself makes me really fit for being a breadwinner. And unfit for staying at home, mopping the floor all day. My husband, on the other hand, suffers in any kind of job and would rather spend the day at home, learning and having it nice (he thinks maintaining a nice home is easy).
But no, he's too stubborn and proud to put that obvious disposition to use in reality. I suffer.
Anonymous 10213
>>10210That's incredibly unfortunate for the both of you. Regardless, you should strengthen yourselves were the both of you are weakest.
Anonymous 10214
>>10209Don't let yourself be used, anon. You should know deep down what isn't true love. Have strength.
Anonymous 10218
>>10214This gave me a big smile and it helped a ton, thank you my friend.
Anonymous 10220
OK so FUCK my (and definitely her) liiiife. I've got my best (only) friend here and her relationship with her bf is so shit man, so shit it stresses me out. He's got her wrapped around his little finger and I've tried to talk sense into her but she just won't have it. He starts up arguments out of nowhere, seems to be able to ignore her fine when she's in distress but she hangs on his every word. He makes accusations that's clearly projecting, and literally called me a bitch and said i'd pay because he found out she was telling me about their arguments. He's forbidden her to talk to certain people (and she obliged!) and most recently walked out after getting mad about a specific thing that he didn't oblige to tell her and is doing this vague shit where he's acting like they might break up. And I KNOW he's doing it for the thrill of being able to upset her, because I've seen and experienced similar before.
But when I'm trying to tell her this she's all like oh he's just sad/emotional/going through a hard time but like no good person would treat someone else like that no matter their condition! And I get that if I go on the attack she'd go on the defense but she blames herself for everything somehow. It's disgusting.
With all this he's also unattractive, unfunny (pol tier humour), shit in bed and fuckng boring to boot. His two best friends are full on alt right and she won't make the link. I honestly don't understand it but I think it's down to emotional manipulation.
>>8292I often lip sync to songs or put some pizzaz in my walking if it's an energetic tune, it's happened to me a few times and I know the feeling. Worst that'll happen though is they'll mention it to a friend, but in the end who cares?
Anonymous 10221
The husband likes to imply he is in charge of everything and needs to remind me of everything, when in fact the opposite is the case, I take care of literally everything and every once in a while he gets hit by sudden thoughts, decides I boss me around and gets all riled up if I get angry after having to tell him that everything is under control and I take care of it multiple times.
I don't know what the fucking problem of men is. How they are so fundamentally unable to perceive the reality of situations and then with such confidence assert that they're the only one who know anything.
So often, I have said "If I'm so bad, I'll leave, I'll do my thing and you do yours,let's see who has things under control" only to then get accused of starting fights.
I guess history wanted us submissive because everyone knew men are good for nothing and women are both more capable of organization AND of carrying the burden of emotion, and society functions best if men are just kept busy with simple linear tasks and given the impression they are important.
I'm just not over the fact that we are actually supposed to treat them like little kids.
Anonymous 10222
>>10220Does she sees something actual good in him, though?
Anonymous 10224
>>10222she treats the highs like he's the best bf in the world when tbh that's like the majority of a normal relationship (hanging out, sex, being nice to each other), and those times are when the bf decides. Like I've seen him (seen the screenshots of a convo) and he'll literally bring something up from the past out of nowhere and spin it into this huge argument while she's trying to defuse it. She can't end an argument, only he can because if she goes quiet he'll start up with another accusation.
Also he's doing it RIGHT NOW. Fuck my life this is going to go on till late i bet and I need to be up for work tomorrow morning. Why is this such an emotional drain when it's not even my god damn relationship?!
But she's such a good person it would suck to not be there for her, because it feels like not many people are.
Anonymous 10226
>>10224My husband also looks manipulative and abusive from the outside… And he is, to a certain degree, but on the other hand he has some objectively awesome qualities and, most importantly, is willing to work on himself and resolve arguments.
Anonymous 10227
>>10224Also, at least you have a friend who trusts you :[
Anonymous 10228
I went to the hair salon to get my hair looking cute to surprise my boyfriend and they cut it too short. I'm still not used to how it looks and I feel so ugly. When he saw me and I asked him what'd he think about it he said 'It's not… so bad. I like you anyway'. I feel so dumb for being sad about my hair but it really impacted me. I miss my long wavy hair so much.
Anonymous 10229
>>10226>>10227I've kind of never got this. Could you explain a bit more on the abusive/good qualities?
Because it's like this shit bf, he does these things to make my friend feel bad/guilty, then when she defends him saying that he fucking…got her a gift or some shit, like that doesn't negate the fact he's trying to hurt another person, a person who's vulnerable and close to him, you know? To me that's an automatic no and he's trash.
Anonymous 10230
>>10228Don't worry, anon. Fingers crossed here so it'll grow back faster than usual.
Anonymous 10267
I have legit autism and speech impediment, developed social anxiety later on in life
This year I was very, very lucky by having my dad help me to get a job, but I was fired in 6 months due to having panic attacks then going home early.
I recently got ECT to treat my depression, I'm more happier and am able to do things. I still get these depression episodes once a week or so.
What bothers me/scares me the most is that ignoring all the bad shit is the only solution for me. I tried that in the past during middle and high school but it backfired onto me terribly when I went to college for 1 year and I stopped going to class, outside, and became a hikki.
Anonymous 10283
>>10229I mean mine has good intentions, I would normally not care about things that make me objectively inferior, but he points them out because he wants me to work on them, and when I get defensive, things get ugly.
Of course that looks manipulative af from the outside, but I know his intentions are the best.
I also know he just isn't capable to treating people will think respect due to the way he grew up.
And we have a really similar way to see the world, agree on a lot of issues, that would be difficult to agree upon elsewhere. He also is extremely intelligent and capable, and the good things don't boil down to "got a gift".
Also, I'm sure that if he were to vent,he would rightfully describe how terrible I am. His scope about what's acceptable might be skewed, but so is mine in terms of reaction.
Also: Everyone will exhibit behavior enough to define him as trash at some point. Everyone is trash in some way.
(Your friends bf might be exceptionally shitty tho.)
Anonymous 10288
I have BPD and it's difficult for me because the person I'm in a "relationship" with says they love me no matter what I accomplish and that makes me feel absolutely worthless. I want to feel respected, not unconditionally loved. I don't think I deserve respect, though, so I understand why they don't, but I wish someone would think I'm worthy of respect. Ah….stupid feelings.
Anonymous 10290
>>10288They just really love you, anon. Okay? Don't throw it away.
Anonymous 10291
alright friends, so–
this is going to sound like a soap opera but it's happening irl and i don't know what to do
a few days ago, a good friend of mine got in contact with me. we've known each other for several years, and we'd usually call one another about every other month or so to vent or just to chat. When we first met, there was a chance of us having a relationship (i hit on him during a vacation trip and we struck it off like a match to a flame), but it petered out because I didn't want an LDR. Despite that, we've been pretty close for the past 4 years and we'll call one another whenever we need a boost or to be talked out of a bad spot. He called me because pretty soon, he's supposed to be marrying his fiancee of two years and tbh it sounds like he wants someone to talk him out of it now.
his fiancee hates me because she apparently went into his facebook and e-mail accounts and found 'flirtatious' (friendly/humorous) emails and messages dating back from before he knew her. plus at one point i sent him a book of short stories that she got angry about because she said she'd never been able to make him as happy as when he was reading it. I really wish that I could make amends with her because I honestly never wanted to come between them; when he told me he was getting engaged, I was really excited for him and wished them the best. but more and more i've started to think that maybe this woman isn't a good match for him. besides going into his private social media/email accounts and searching them for evidence that he was cheating on her with me (there was none), she's also maxed out his credit cards without his permission to buy things for her own private business. she's from a society family and the wedding that they have is going to be MASSIVE (800 people on the invitations + guests) despite the fact that he's incredibly uncomfortable with this. he wants a much smaller event, and to use their budget on a nice honeymoon instead, but they're going to be wasting all their money on impressing her family's friends instead.
The problem is that even though I don't think she's a good match, I think he does love her, but they have nothing in common. Their wedding is about two months away and whenever we've talked recently, I get this feeling (also strongly worded hints) like he wants me to jump in and be like 'I love you! Don't marry her! Run away with me!'
But if I did something like that, it would mean him cutting ties with almost everyone he knows in the city where he lives, losing his job and all his contacts, and being badmouthed for years in the social circles he's used to running in, and I don't want that to happen to him. Even if I did actually elope with him or something like that, it would mean abandoning my family.
It's been so long since we've seen each other in person that I couldn't tell you whether my feelings for him are worth pursuing. I do consider him a dear friend, but I think he's put me on some kind of pedestal in his mind, and I don't think I can live up to the standards he's set for me.
It would be so easy to just run away with him and that's what's tempting. My life right now is pretty much shit and I really just want to get out. I don't know. I'm so torn on just saying 'fuck it', jumping ship even though it would be a horrible thing to do to this other woman, and–on the other hand–telling him, 'no, settle down with this person who treats you badly and you're fighting with constantly, just do the husband thing because it's what's convenient and not going to ruin you.' Despite how much of an ass people will probably say that this guy is, I don't want him to end up alone and with nothing. I still think of him as one of my best friends, if not my best friend, even after he's put me in such a weird position.
Anonymous 10292
>>10291tl;dr: i might be responsible for ruining my bff's upcoming-marriage/social-standing/career and even though it would be nice to be with him i don't want to be 'the other woman' and i'm scared that my depression and poverty aren't actually what he wants in a gf even if he does say he's willing to give everything he has up for me
Anonymous 10303
I wish I wasn't so dumb and be more motivated to study. In highschool i never did really my best and now i regret it so much. Because of the education system in my country it will take atleast 8 years for me to get a master in something because i first have to go to these shit colleges to prove I'm not that dumb. I'm 18 now and my first year of college is over and while i did make it i still am not motivated enough. It's not like i dont like the course i just don't know how to be motivated to study. Anyway i will probaly be forever poor and have a shitty job.
Anonymous 10308
>>10303Have you tried socialising? Meeting other people you like can give you some positive reinforcement to study. Other than that, you do absorb information better when you've just exercised. You should probably take up fitness, if you haven't, and put your studying after it.
Anonymous 10309
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>>10283That's how I used to treat my boyfriend too, and it was toxic. Kept wanting to change certain things about him under the guise of "self-improvement." You can gently nudge someone in the right direction, but continually pointing out things that are wrong, undesirable, with them will only make them defensive and break down their self-esteem. Then I chilled the fuck out and realized he's the last person I should be criticizing like that. Everyone else is always judging, criticizing, blaming, giving you shit for not being the person they want you to be. It sounds gay, but loving someone is about understanding and acceptance. As your partner they should be trying to lift you up, not break you down.
>Also, I'm sure that if he were to vent,he would rightfully describe how terrible I am.See, that's just awful.
Anonymous 10311
>>10273yeah Electric Compulsive Therapy.
But it's not morbid as it was in the past, it's much more controlled and better cause modern technology.
I still get nervous when I get into that ect room and prepare for anesthesia, but I've done it 9 times now and it turns out ok (just get fatigue for a day from anesthesia side effects)
Anonymous 10313
>>10311Let's hope it's a full recovery, anon.
Anonymous 10327
>>10291sounds like he's giving you a chance to come onto him hard because he's tired of his fiance, wants to bang you, or both. i'm sure you'll be the next one who gets dropped.
Anonymous 10329
>>10309Yeah, I know. :( The thing is just, if I wanted to make him do that, I would be guilty of he same thing. (Yes, I asked nicely). I know he will at some point realize, and I unironically pray it will be sooner rather than later.
It's really bad at times, and I'm thoroughly destroyed every time he starts doing that again, but I'm using it as an opportunity to build resistance and act gracefully even in face of stress. And of course I wait for perfect moments to verbally snipe him down. It's of no use, but it drives home the point.
>husband ventingWith his gay ass friends from across the continent he almost never meets, he takes great care to never offend them and always maintain a nice atmosphere even when they mock him, but I'm not with it because "he doesn't want to put up a facade when at home".
I tried leaving him, taking all the kids across the border to my in-laws, but they snitched at me :| It changed things to the better, though.
My own parents live across the street but they're worthless. My dad is probably a pedo and possibly amongst a pedo ring. My mother is manipulative, emotionally void and controlling. Lately I saw her on the street and without even talking to her, it stressed me so much that I ripped off two of my fingernails that I managed to have maintained for weeks.
My husband is a Chad and a Casanova. Lately I found out he had been exchanging crappy erotic poems with some random slut who thought she was so intellectual int he same city that he only met once, a few years ago, and then proceeded to meet up with her again, thinking I won't find out, in the stupidest of ways. Also, when I found ONE FRIEND in the community I'm in, he proceeded to flirt with her so much that she got infatuated, stopped talking with me completely, and only hung with him until her stupid husband noticed,btold the priest and made a huge ruckus. (That slut managed to portray herself as the victim.)
I'm the tvtropes definition of "extreme doormat". I wish I was a lady of steel instead or such, but I'm not. ;_;
Anonymous 10330
>>10329Anon, you need to grow lady balls and ditch this idiot!
Anonymous 10337
>>10329Holy shit anon, I didn't know it was that bad. Are you financially dependent on him as well? Were there warning signs before you got married/had children or did he just change up on you?
Anonymous 10342
>>10337Well, let's say I knew how he was, I just didn't expect him to be so callous so quickly. Can't leave though. I just have to accept the situation as it is. At this point I stopped caring and we basically live together like snarky roommates who occasionally fuck. I know it shouldn't bother me that much. It's entirely possible to deal with it.
Anonymous 10343
>>10342How can you be attracted to and why would you fuck someone who treats you like that. You are cray.
Anonymous 10353
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It's so hottttt, fuck this insufferable heat.
Anonymous 10354
>>10353When it actually snows in the winter, you know it's gonna be hot. Am I right, anon?
Anonymous 10375
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>>10342Why'd you fugg this guy? My pussy would be dry like the Sahara anytime he came near me.
Anonymous 10382
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I tried new moisturizer and skin product, since I wanted to work on myself but instead it just reacted badly and now my face is peeling/rashy. I've stopped using them but damn it I just want my skin to glow…
Anonymous Admin 
10383
>>10379
Someone thought they were being funny by writing a bot that spammed tons of randomly generated sentences made up of actual crystal.cafe posts. We cleaned it up but had to implement some anti-spam measures to keep it from happening again. We'll remove them once other imageboards stop raiding. Sorry about that!
Anonymous 10384
>>10291Well I don't see a good ending for him if he stays, so even if you don't run away together, tell him to jump ship before it completely sinks.
Anonymous 10388
>>10353My first summer in austria and same, it's going to be 34 celcius this week.
what i've done:
-cover my windows in tinfoil
-not go out between 9am-5pm unless necessary and I take public transport, it often means long workdays though
-buy several ice packs, when I get home put one on the soles of my feet and on the back of my neck (also take one to work)
-when travelling wherever I put an ice pack in the back section of my bag so it lays against my spine, that's a particularly good one
-lots and lots of water
What hasn't really worked for me are cold showers (get hot within 5 minutes) and putting my clothes in the freezer.
Coming from Scotland i'm genuinely not equipped for this heat, but i'm trying to learn as quickly as I can. Anyone else got tips?
Anonymous 10391
>>10388Oof, where i am its a constant 40 celsius during the day and 30 or so at night.
The fan is my best friend.
All you listed sounds good but also remember to keep really hydratated at all times, especially if you are not used to the heat.
Anonymous 10399
>>10385
Yes, anon. The moment you say something out of the ordinary, everyone's gonna pull out weapons and lynch you, chanting "WHORE!". Grow up. Ask him out! Get to the point!
Anonymous 10449
>>10313Thank you anon
(also sorry for the late reply)
Anonymous 10459
>>10449You're welcome, anon!
No need to rush yourself.
This is a slow site! Anonymous 10539
Mum fell asleep on the sofa and started snoring really loud so I had to come up stairs.
Anonymous 10572
My boyfriend of seven years doesn't give a fuck about me. I guess I'm alone after all.
Anonymous 10574
>>10540
yea fuck ur mom, stupid cunt…
Anonymous 10615
I know it's my fault I didn't keep up with the material this term, but damn I really want to commit sudoku. I feel like I won't be able to get 50 for my final marks for 3 of my courses and I can't afford to fail any of them. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! I fucking hate school and myself right now.
Also, it feels really good, but petty, to see my ex lose online Chess games.
Anonymous 10618
I wish I didn't wear my heart on my sleeve all the time.
Anonymous 10620
I want to be loved, cared for and taken care of, and pay it back with my love, care and loyalty.
Anonymous 10624
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I feel like my sister is an actual sociopath. She would probably get furious denying it if I told her that there's a possibility for that. I wish I could say otherwise, I really love her, I have been with her my whole life and this is seriously breaking my heart. I wish it would just be her going through a phase like this. But, she has for her whole life had the same anger towards people, thinking she has to show her superiority and that she lives for that, only that.
She's 17 years of age and I'm one and a half year younger. When we were in kindergarden, she had a huge fascination with torturing ants, something I never really understood despite being a curious little kid just like her. She was also the total ruler of all the other kids because she was just so charismatic. She still has that same ability to get others to like her. She's extraordinarily confident that she's the best and will therefore not be let down by other people. She's basically the cool kid in others eyes. Every comic and drawing she used to make as a kid was just something glorifying her.
When having arguments with her, she will act all smug as if the other person would have lost already, and if the person isn't giving up, her smugness will get to a whole other level. A level of absolutely crushing the opposing person verbally with cruel and degrading inslults, that most often hit way too close to home. She doesn't feel guilt for her actions. I have ended up crying on some occasions and she has actually seemed happy about it.
When someone is actually having a mental breakdown, she just can't comfort them, she just gets pissed off. Everything like that does nothing but makes her uncomfortable. The only few times I've ever seen her cry have been for herself, when she has been discriminated against too much.
We haven't always been on such bad terms. We have the same sense of humor and have a fun time together. We share eachother funny stuff we find online on a daily basis. She's the only one I can do this with, I don't have any friends besides my siblings thanks to social retardedness. The thought of her being a sociopath has never crossed my mind before, and I wish I could deny it no matter what. She has never wanted to insult me unless we have been on bad terms, because she feels emphaty for others when they're innocent, I'd say. She has obiviously mourned for people close to us who have passed away, and she has tried to show that she's there for others when they're going through a hard time. Despite trying to somehow show that she cares, she has never really wanted to. I have borderline personality disorder, which has hit me god awfully lately. I get the urge to isolate myself from everyone, I'm tired and I explode with anger when someone annoys me even the tiniest bit. My sister doesn't understand this, she just thinks im lazy and too socially retarded and self-centered to be social. So she's pretty angry with me right now, because of my seemingly spiteful actions. She takes every opportunity to tell me how annoying and pathetic I am, and she isn't wrong with anything she says. But I just wish she wouldn't be so goddamn honest for a second, I wish she wouldn't enjoy showing her made up superiority so much by torturing me.
Anyways, I'm the person she will vent about her personal things a lot actually. I mean, she knows I obiviously won't call her out or something lol. And I have ended up receiving quite the knowledge of her usual relationships (almost all of these have been online). She is always the one who breaks up, be it a friendship or a romantic relationship. Usually because the person might be a bit socially akward or just gross or pathetic in her opinion. What she REALLY loves to do is watch them fall into deeper and deeper despair as they're missing her. It makes her feel like she is worshipped, and she genuinely thinks that's excactly the treatment she deserves… and the other person deserves hell because of what? Not excactly knowing how to act the way you want them to? She has actually stated "hating on others gives me happiness".(Underage )
Anonymous 10701
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>>10700
I'm sorry to know you feel the same way, anon-chan. I hope you can find your special someone soon!
Anonymous 10705
>>10702
Who are you quoting?
Anonymous 10709
>>10708Click the post number so it will show in your quick reply box.
I'm
>>10701 btw
https://crystal.cafe/faq.html Anonymous 10711
Yes
Sad story
In short, real life won :(
But I've reconnected with him shortly
Luckily he's not mad at me
He is really a great guy. Sad.
Anonymous 10722
i h8 being american
if god gave me one wish i'd wish to be reborn in a cool country like france / sweeden / denmark / japan in a nice area
though i don't know how kind these nations are to blacks…though it can't be any worse than the states ):
Anonymous 10743
I finally believe it's 100% true and I'm actually going to accept the fact that I can't into friendship. I don't have what it takes, either in giving or in being able to have reasonable regulation of how I feel. A person who had their legs irreversibly damaged in an accident and is wheelchair bound can never run, and I have been irreversibly damaged and cannot have normal human relationships. I came to this conclusion months ago but a coworker gave me some glimmer of hope, and said the most clingy weird combination of words that made my defenses come down too quickly.
I broke down and talked to a crisis hotline recently and the lady told me my feelings of devastation are valid from what is happening to me socially. And a thought crossed my mind today on the bus ride home from work: A person can simultaneously owe me nothing and be within their rights to not treat me as I wanted to be treated, while I can be valid and not a bad person in feeling hurt by their actions or inaction. Just because she's not actually doing anything wrong it's okay that I'm this upset. I'm working up the courage, but I think Saturday I'm going to go give her the money for the present she bought me and then politely request that we have nothing to do with each other unless a task at work demands she communicates with me.
Depending on how this weekend goes I'm hanging myself on Monday when my roommate is gone. I have nobody to even miss me. I cried in the bathroom so much yesterday at work. I'm so tired of my entire life being like this.
Anonymous 10747
Funny Cats With Gu…
Long crazy rant/vent post incoming:
I feel most of my negative feelings come in cycles. First, hopelessness, even when nothing's wrong (even though things are very wrong right now). I start thinking about my future, and that I am not going to achieve the very simple things I've always wanted to have, and that I'm a failure for that. Then I tell myself "well, maybe I don't really want these things, otherwise I'd still go for them despite my situation – but it doesn't really matter, since I can't have them anyway". I guess I do that in order to rationalize my hopelessness. It just drags me into thinking that, if I can't really have these things I hardly really want, then I have to reason to stay alive and go on.
I've been trying to break free from the depressive state I've been in for the last few months, but it's been hard. Anything I do is a reason for me to guilt trip myself into thinking I've made some terrible mistake that is not worth of forgiveness, even when my mind is telling me my fuck up wasn't really that bad, or even an actual fuck up. Maybe I'm just trying to find more reasons to tell myself it is okay to "go", or that I should.
I used to be numb – I'm not completely numb anymore, I'd say I'm the very opposite. Still, feelings scare me more than I know. I pretend to welcome and accept them, and to be okay with them, but every night I feel overwhelmed, either by good things or bad things. I always wear my heart on my sleeve, and this gets me into bad situations all the time. I've thought a lot about how I can change that. At the same time I think this is one of my bad traits, I also think it is a good one because of how rare it is nowadays. In the end it might just be pure stupidity mixed with naiveté.
I want friends, but realistically speaking, I guess that in a perfect world I'd probably only talk to my S.O. and only chat with my friends when I felt like it, as selfish as it might be. Is it really a friendship if you don't want to talk to someone when they need you because they count on you? Taking care of "friends" feels like too much sometimes. I'd rather stick to one or two of friends and not talk daily with them, but rather talk when I feel like my batteries are fully charged. I feel like they need me though, and they probably do to some extent, so I can't force myself to leave now.
I don't know what to do. Sometimes I tell myself I need a long warm hug from someone who will not judge me or think anything bad about me holding them and not letting them go – but would I realistically want that? I'd feel bad about it after I let go of them, I know it. Part of me thinks I don't deserve such privilege of being held like that. I know that is probably not true, but I can't change it, I don't know how.
Every day I fight against this black hole. I don't know if I will win. I've struggled so much. Feeling useless, unable to get a better job, and even unmotivated to try to do anything to get out of this – all these things are hurting me. Physical loneliness hurts me a lot, too. Even though I do not feel as lonely as I used to a couple months ago, I still need to feel cared for somehow, even if this meant someone would simply hold my hand. I really wish I'd close my eyes and not have to wake up tomorrow. I'm done with trying, and I want to go. I've never really planned my life after my 20th birthday. Joke's on me because I've been lingering here for years. Things could've been better if I had.
Anonymous 10756
>>10747Hey… Don't worry, you're doing just fine :)
I actually have some "friends", but I never had the opportunity to help one in need. They just don't approach me with important things. And that is actually not important at all, as it seems. I mean I still manage to be sad that I'll never be a bridesmaid and not even a godparent or something. But I have people to call and to occasionally hang out with if I feel like it.
What helps is to be bound by duty. Like in school, where most people get their only friends, just because they have to be together so often. So just attend a community and make it a priority so you're bound to go and there is a mutual duty to interact - that's where friendship (the normal one, not the trouble lifesaver one) comes frim
Anonymous 10762
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>>10748
this is pointless because it's not venting at this point but, I will make up my mind this weekend
I feel very calmly that there isn't much point anymore. I very badly want family and friends but only get to witness others having that. It isn't something I get to have. I'm 25, very soon to be 26 and still haven't acquired those things. I'm pathetic because at 21 I tried very hard to have a birthday party for myself at a bar, but ended up being stood up by everyone and then sleeping with a very nasty man. I am working next to a group of girls at work that have each and every day been discussing their next outing and everyone it's like everyone within the proximity is invited except for me. I even heard my name mentioned and heard "we'll see about that…" in a bitchy voice, I think, I'm also insecure and might have imagined that. But I did hear my name dropped in the plans and then heard a negative response. It was from a girl who was once really nice to me and has suddenly turned cold the last few weeks and I'm not sure what I did. Another one in on this, will say goodmorning to me in a really sweet voice based on who is nearby but when I said it to her when we were alone she pretty much mumbled "yeah whatever" at me. The one who used to be nice was telling me a story, and that one scowled at me. I don't know what I'm doing wrong.
A girl who came along and actually made an effort to be my friend has been less talkative lately, and harder to socialize with. I'm leaving soon, and she even dropped the words "bonding" to describe us hanging out and always said she wanted to know me. But she has been harder to get along with lately and I think I upset her maybe, yet she is dumping a lot of energy and enthusiasm into talking with these girls at work. It sounds stupid but she filled me with joy by being my friend but suddenly I'm crying in the bathroom at work and I feel very very hurt by her.
I am almost always a sober person but I have been so upset about things that I couldn't sleep and have drank hard liquor tonight at 1am in order to calm down. I have to leave the house by 6:42am to catch my bus to work. My head is so full of thoughts and anguish over this girl I can't even sleep, but I feel calm and uncaring now.
And I understand that I am not owed anything from this girl who wanted to be my friend. But at the same time she used a lot of sappy, clingy and affectionate language that really affects a person in my position and I'm so naïve I again and again fall for peoples words that turn out to not mean anything. And if I did scare her off it's still reasonable for me to be upset even if it's my own shortcomings.
I can think of things to live for such as romance. I want a boyfriend. One of my dreams is to get with a guy with no sisters, and either no brothers or only incel brothers and so his mom treats me like the daughter she never had and her the mother I never had. My ex though, his family wouldn't even have me at their dinner table or over for holidays ever. I wasn't good enough for them. It sounds goofy but they actually told him I couldn't be over on Christmas for dinner. I don't have my own family for holidays or anything either so it hurts.
You talk about finding a way to be happy alone. I feel complete despair. I fantasize about having relationships with other humans a lot. When I was a teenager I would lay awake and cry at night fantasizing about having children and a husband or fantasizing about having a different family.
Honestly, I will probably fail to hang myself like I did 9 months ago. Or maybe not. I am supposed to have a guy over maybe, who I went on a date with 3 weeks ago and he expressed desire to see me again. Yet he never initiates any texting and takes forever to respond. He has been busy and was out of town even. One of the things I'm waiting to see is if he actually comes over this weekend and it's a major factor in whether I'm calling it quits or not.
I am a hopelessly clingy and needy person stuck in a recluses life. I don't know what I can find to make me happy. It's not the life I want and I don't like being me. I don't care if it isn't stoic or this is whiney first worlder entitlement, I deserve much better than all of this. I haven't been a bad enough person to deserve the isolation and emotional/physical abuse I've experienced. I haven't deserved to be called "amazing", "bff" and all sorts of sappy shit by a girl claiming to want to be my friend only for her to slowly back out and hurt my feelings.
I always wished I could be like Fay valentine or some other bad bitch from an anime who is all alone in the universe. But that isn't me, I'm a highly sensitive and emotional creature that desperately needs a tribe and close ones. I am beginning to feel truly hopeless about my life ever changing, and I might actually just be suffering until I finally die.
Anonymous 10772
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>>10762Anon, please reconsider, what those girls did was terrible, and they sound incredibly fake, you shouldn't let them corrupt your thoughts with their toxic behavior.
You can find friends, i was in a similar situation and at times i thought i would die alone, possibly after slashing my veins in some bathroom, but i found some wonderful people out of the blue without even trying, sometimes i feel like i don't deserve them and i'm a drag on them, but i was as hopeless as you are, and without trying one day my life changed forever. Happiness can come when you least expect it, you need to let it happen to you, though.
Forget those women, and forget their two faced act, there is such a great amount of people on earth, and most of them are absolutely lovely and hoping a person like you comes by their lives, so don't give up.
I don't know you, but you sound like such a lovely and caring person, i'm sure you will find someone that will fulfill your wishes and will love you.
In the meanwhile you have us here over at cc, we might be anonymous but we can be your friends whenever you need to talk or vent or whatever, you are not alone, please stay with us.
Anonymous 10773
>>10758>>10756I've tried antidepressants before, and saw a psychiatrist for a long time. I'd like to try mindfulness, but I really don't know where to start. Tbqh I don't even want to try anything, I just want to accept things as they are and allow myself to understand it's over. Sorry this is dark and depressing.
It's really hard for me to make friends, so I think the only ones I manage to make are people who rely on me for support, otherwise they probably wouldn't stay with me.
I appreciate your posts, anons. Thank you.
Anonymous 10776
>>10773>It's really hard for me to make friends, so I think the only ones I manage to make are people who rely on me for support, otherwise they probably wouldn't stay with me.Anon, that is just your depression talking, i'm sure your friends would love you even if they did not rely on you for support. Relationships are giving as much as you take, so you can also lean on them, open yourself up and i'm sure you will clear these kind of thoughts. If your friends didn't like you as company, they wouldn't be with you, i'm sure you are a good friend to have, but you shouldn't try to figure out other peoples thoughts, especially while you let your depression talk, that only makes things darker and doesn't help.
I know the future looks so bleak and dark, but you never know what might come after, keep on, anon, maybe you'll find a good therapist who can help you after all, maybe you'll meet a wonderful person on a few years out of the blue without expecting it and it will shake your world.
Don't give up hope, anon-chan.
Anonymous 10779
>>10776I don't know, anon-chan. I only have 1 RL friend who I consider an actual friend, but even then she only talks to me when she needs something. My other RL friend hardly ever talks to me, but I consider him a friend anyway. One of my life long friendships ended terribly 3-4 months ago when my friend let me alone in a situation where I could be killed, literally. The rest of my friends are e-friend and are probably my closest friends right now, but unfortunately they can't help me with my touch starvation. I appreciate your words though, I'm not going to give up just yet even though I wish I would.
Anonymous 10780
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>>10779Aw anon, have you tried maybe starting conversations with those friends yourself? Maybe they just don't know how to approach you easily so they talk to you when they have problems, sometimes i know i can be like that, so maybe the same happens to them.
Or maybe,could you try to meet up your e-friends if you trust them enough? Maybe that would help you feel a bit better and help you with your touch starvation, they sound like good friends.
I'm glad to hear you won't give up anon-chan, i don't know you, but i will be rooting for you to find everything you wish for and more, you deserve it. <3
Anonymous 10784
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ECT anon here
>feel bad because I remembered something bad that happened in my past (haven't had this feeling since a week ago)
>mom knocks in my room
>tell her if she could leave me alone for a few min because I feel a bit bad
>"Why?"
>never told family upfront that I was bullied/teased pretty much everywhere, people make fun of me for the smallest shit so they can vent their frustrations on me and I couldn't fight back due to bad speech I can't control
>plus I didn't like talking about it, because it ruins any ego I have left, and don't want them to feel or potentially make them depressed too
>tell her "Sorry, I don't feel comfortable saying it"
>mom gets upset, "Why? And the ECT finally looked like it was working and now YOU'RE still upset!"
fuck I can't take it.
not even my family wants me anymore. I don't know wtf to do.
fuck if other people were in my situation or had my life, they'd kill themselves a long time ago.
why am I such a fuck up.
I pray that I get into some accident or die because I'm too much of a wimp to do it myself.
Anonymous 10785
>>10784>I pray that I get into some accident or die because I'm too much of a wimp to do it myself.same
Anonymous 10787
>>10784Most paradoxically, you bother people
more the more you try not to bother them. It's because they sense things are wrong, this is a mechanism that has been in place since before speech was developed so it's important on a deeper level and bothers them more.
Conversely, if you blabber about your problems all day continuously, they will try to help you and consider it socialization, and only in the extremest of cases say "shut up" jokingly (and that's not too bad, really).
Anonymous 10789
>>10788
I mean, yes, but it's still better than to see someone who obviously has massive troubles, but tries to make a secret of it and never says what's wrong, still is under pressure all the time.
Also, I guess just moaning about crap would be different from elaborating on a specific problem and asking the person for advice related to their experience… Then they would feel honored and valued, I'd guess.
Anonymous 10813
God, lately i've been so drained of energy i don't know what to do. It's been a rough couple of months.
I just feel like i'm pushing a rock against an uphill.
I see people around me suffering and i feel so useless because i cannot do anything to help them and it's making me feel so sad, because i wish i just had the magical words that could make them feel happy, even if it meant i had to take all their sadness for myself, i just hate to see people i love suffer and me not knowing how to react to it because i'm such an idiot.
My depression has gotten worse, i cannot stop thinking that everyone i talk to secretly hates me or thinks i'm immature, the other day i spent over 7 hours crying because i felt so shitty and i just felt like everyone would prefer me gone and nobody actually likes me. Sometimes i just think of deleting everything i have and just going away so people don't have to pretend to like me anymore and have to deal with my useless ass. I feel like every time i show up i ruin someone's day or fuck something up, and i hate it so fucking much.
I've started considering suicide after almost a year of not thinking too hardly of it.
I wish i wasn't like this, i wish i was a normal person that could just accept the people around her, but i cannot think anyone could ever actually love me or like me.
I pretend to be so strong and doing so much better and like nothing ever affects me, but i'm just so broken i don't even know what to do anymore.
Anonymous 10826
>>10815
You are so kind, anon, you made me tear up.
I know it's not my responsibility but i just really hate seeing people around me hurting and me being unable to help them even a little. I tend to feel things very strongly, so whenever i see anyone suffer i always try my hardest to help them, but when i accomplish nothing i just feel… useless and i break down.
Thank you anon, it's honestly gotten so bad, sometimes i just want to not talk to anyone and just isolate myself from anyone so they don't have to "deal" with me, and as you say, it becomes a serious vicious circle. I tend to think that any time i show up people feel like "not this bitch", even-though it might be unlikely, i wish i could beat those thoughts, but yeah. No matter how much people tell me they like me, i always feel insecure about it and like they are just being kind to not hurt my feelings, can never shake that feeling.
But, thank you once again, your words really helped me <3.
Anonymous 10827
>>10747don't kill yourself, try to improve yourself. happiness, self-sufficiency, and relationships will come.
Anonymous 10833
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>>10787Ok I decided to sit down and talk to my mom again after 6 hours or so. It felt uncomfortable at first but nothing bad happened in the end.
So yeah, thanks for the advice anon.
I'll be and act less of a dramatic drama whore from now on. Sorry if I caused any trouble.
Anonymous 10836
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>>10114Same anon here. Not only does he have a new girlfriend two weeks after we broke up, he's taken her to Disneyland and is now taking her on a trip all around Southern California. She lives on the other side of the country and he broke up with me because he couldn't handle us becoming LD and being TWO STATES away. I'm terrified he's going to continue his relationship with her even when she goes back to her stupid home state.
I posted this in another thread sorry lol Anonymous 10842
>>10836Dude what the fuck??? I'm pissed for you anon
Anonymous 10843
>>10836>I'm terrified he's going to continue his relationship with herDude, FUCK him. Forget about this POS, he probably broke up with you because he found her, and used the ldr as an excuse
Anonymous 10845
>>10843He is a dumb piece of shit. He had literally only known this bitch for two weeks when he dumped me, completely ruining our plans for me to go out there with him and start our careers together.
He's living in LA now, and she lives in FUCKING NEW HAMPSHIRE Anonymous 10849
>>8291I was in a LGBT club and nobody (girls) wanted me. Is because i'm so ugly and awkard like some neckbeard traped in a girl body? I'm so stupid, ugly, that nobody wants me. Id wish I was dead, tur world would be a better please.
Anonymous 10850
>>10849I feel you, anon. I feel so unwanted by lesbians because I'm too skinny for them. It feels like I'm being slapped in the face when men pay attention to me. Like, I'm good enough for men, but not good enough for other women. I'm scared other women can more easily see how awkward and "quirky" (as people like to call it) I am and it is off-putting to them. Maybe it makes me seem creepy and weird, like a man. How insulting.
I know I piggybacked off your post into my own insecurities, but please know you aren't alone. One day you'll find a girl of your own.
Anonymous 10857
>>10849Don't say stuff like this, you probaly see yourself ugly when other people probaly consider you pretty. Maybe the reason why no girl went after you is because they're shy. I'm sure you will find a cute gf eventually anon!
>>10850I'm sure there are some lesbians out there that like skinny women. I also don't think that you sound creepy or weird, you are good enough for other women anon! You will also find a good gf one day.
Anonymous 10911
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i'm not even 20 yet so this recent health issue is so scary . i'm like at a bmi slightly above average & i don't smoke or drink, it's just not fair
i'll definitely work on improving my diet and exercising so please don't let this advance. please don't let a stent be the best option
i can't even speak to my mother about this at length bc i can tell i'm stressing her out but there's nobody else to tell i'm afraid
so here i am, shouting into the void of cc.
Anonymous 10989
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I feel so goddamn fucking lonely and it seems like there is nothing to fill the void i am feeling.
Anonymous 10996
Is it normal that my parents want me to go out with them on a shopping trip and won't let me pay for anything? I'm 22 and I live with them. They're always upset if I say I don't want to/ can't/don't feel like. Help.
Anonymous 10998
>>10996I think that is normal. My mother is the same way.
Anonymous 11008
I cant use instagram anymore because I'm scared that coworkers will find it with my phone number. This sucks.
Anonymous 11009
>>11008Can you private your account?
Anonymous 11028
>>11009I can do that but I can't really take part in communities like I used to.
Anonymous 11029
I lost my wallet and I'm stressin' out because my debit/credit cards and my ID were in them. Fuck why does it have to happen NOW when I need it the most?
Anonymous 11033
I'm gonna sound like a heartless bitch but I suppose I am one.
I hate having to take care of my family. I'm terrible at comforting people, I don't hug and I rarely say something even remotely nice to other people. My family is generally nice, completely opposite in these aspects and they rely on each other a lot. Wait, actually no. It's only women who are supposed to do this while men are excused for one reason or another. Fuck this. I've seen three family members' overall health spiral down while trying to offer emotional and physical support to others. It's come down to me who's now the only healthy one and who's expected to help. Fuck. This. Shit. This alone makes me wanna move across the globe.
And my mom and grandma have the guts to point out how convenient is to have a daughter (yes, they always say "daughter") and that I should reconsider my childfree stance. Jokes on them, I'm secretly sterile.
Anonymous 11053
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I might sound heartless but i am honestly getting tired of having to live with an ill old person.
Every single day it's just complain, complain, complain, no normal conversations, no nothing, only complaining about pain and how they want to die and stuff like that.
I'm only 21 but i'm starting to feel like a 90 year old from this, because i also have my own problems as well, and on top of that, i have to be this person's listener and have to listen to endless rants about their illness every day.
I love them, a lot, and i don't mind being there for them, but it's draining me of life.
Anonymous 11054
>>11053My dad died when I was 20 (a year ago) after being terribly ill since I was 3. The final years and especially the final months were a gauntlet of pain and horror, with the final two weeks feeling like they took 6 years.
All I’m going to say is that after they die you’re going to be happy at first. Just glad it’s over, both for them and for you. In my personal case it was even more extreme since my entire life was built aroundtaking care of him and he had a particularly rare and extreme illness that made him need constant care (and a lot of gore and bad scents in the end too), so when he died my whole life changed. However, over time you’ll start missing him more and more, and slowly the memories of how they were in the end and all the suffering they went through and brought to those around them will disappear, and only a compilation of happy images will remain. In your mind they’ll be reborn as the absolute best version of themselves as they were in their prime, with an added layer of all the other good times.
If they’re dying soon, make sure to talk a lot if you can. Very few people have the privilege to tie up all the loose ends before they die. There’s going to be stuff you want to ask them that you won’t think of unril after they’re dead, but you want to deal with all the major stuff when you still can.
Anonymous 11055
>>11054Thank you, anon, those words are really beautiful. I'm sorry you had to go through that, though -hugs-.
I do try to talk to them, i'm one of the few people in the house that do that because they use me as their confident and know i'm always there for them. But it's getting more and more difficult to have a conversation because it always goes back to them complaining about the illnesses or crying, i'm exhausted.
It's like their happiness has been sucked away and only the pain remains and it's just, draining me so badly.
Anonymous 11065
>>11053Go on vacation, you need to take a break.
Anonymous 11144
Ok so hear me out:
I think as a 5/10 girl i am fucked.
>If i go for chad i'm gonna be ignored or get pumped and dumped.
> Should i choose an average guy, i'll always be one willing stacy away from beeing cheated on/ ditched.
> Ugly guys hate us and even if that is not the case, my puss will just stay dry as the desert and sex will basically be accepted rape.
How can i ever get happy? The only guys to whom i'm perfect to are literally less sexually attractive to me than my dog.
Anonymous 11146
>>11145
But whats the point in beeing in a relationship if the guy doesn't love me or i have to constantly cheat on him, because vagoo just decided he is too ugly.
Anonymous 11149
>>11147Who would i be baiting with this exactexactly?
I just feel like i just can't win the dating game.
>>11148No one actually.
I just sometimes feel like i'd like someone to treat me like i'm wonderfull.
Anonymous 11151
>>11150
It's not like i can't be happy alone. I just feel like i'm missing out on something.
Anonymous 11156
>>11151You sound like you want a Hollywood romance. I'm not trying to be nasty but if I were you, I would just save up for a cute sugar baby or something because even for hot girls finding that 'cute+good personality+decent in bed' combo is like finding a needle in a haystack. Or just settle for real relationship with a nice person and…make a resolution to not cheat on them because you care about them and masturbating is an option.
Anonymous 11157
>>11156Terrible idea! She clearly wants emotional connection and romantic love and you tell her to become a sugar baby? Sugar babies aren't always treated right and she'd probably fall for her "daddy" (or hate his guts after a while).
I agree that she will most likely not find someone the way she wants and should accept someone "less" perfect.
Anonymous 11165
>>11157I think she’s saying she should buy a boytoy.
Have any of you ever had a boytoy or otherwise paid someone for sex/company?
Anonymous 11166
>>11165Paying for sex and company would just reassure me of the fact I've failed at life.
Anonymous 11168
>>11166Yeah but at least you had some fun. Otherwise you’re a failure and a virgin.
Anonymous 11169
>>11168I don't associate virginity to failure, but paying just to have sex would make me feel worse. I'm not op though.
Anonymous 11182
>>11166i mean, from what i understand, >>11144's complaint is that she
could get someone to have sex with on the reg but she's not attracted to them. so she can either wait and hope that she gets lucky and fate just flings an attractive guy in her lap that loves her for her personality (which like…man, if you're even considering cheating on a romantic partner because they're not good-looking enough for you, then maybe you should work on that, too) or use something like wealth and social status as a way to attract someone who's better-looking than the type of guy you normally get. i had a boyfriend who financially supported me while i was job-seeking, and he just treated the money he gave me as gifts and told me he liked being able to help me out.
or if you don't want to be a sugar momma, then use the money on beauty treatments– hire an image consultant, get a gym membership or plastic surgery, buy nicer clothes, just take care of yourself in general. it's better than cheating on a partner or
>'accepted rape'whatever that's supposed to mean.
Anonymous 11233
Men suck. You try your best to be a great gf and work hard to improve youself. And what do you get? You get cheated on.
Anonymous 11254
This is a relatively minor feel, but I've come into ownership of some very expensive headphones and I want to listen to Crystal Castles but I can't in the knowledge one half of the band raped the other half.
If you disagree that's kewl btw but it doesn't change how I feel.
Anonymous 11256
I never had many friends growing up, and I recently found an online group chat of people who understood me 100% perfectly and we got along amazingly well for a few months. Now a lot of the users are leaving and it's slowly starting to (naturally) die and I know that I will probably never speak to any of them ever again. I know that they're just online friends but I'm so upset and feel extremely lonely. I can't go back to spending most of my days and nights completely alone with nobody to talk to like before. I don't think I will ever meet anyone else like them again in my life.
Anonymous 11258
i feel guilty whining about my own issues when people out there are suffering more than i am.
then again it's like, should i be ~grateful~ i only lost an arm just bc other people lost their legs? it's still a bad situation…i guess me whining and crying is justified but at the same time i feel so bad
Anonymous 11261
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>>11257
Thank you for replying, I really appreciate it. I really do hope that in the future I will be able to meet similar people again. I have tried to make a new group with the few remaining ones in hopes that we will be able to keep it alive and strong. It's just really upsetting to be suddenly forever cut off from all those amazing people. Oh well.
Anonymous 11269
I DON'T WANNA GET ATTACHED TO THIS BOY I DON'T WANNA GET ATTACHED TO THIS BOY I DON'T WANNA GET ATTACHED TO THIS BOY STOP IT YOU STUPID BITCH
Anonymous 11274
>>11256Going through something similar. I was in a long distance thing with a boy, and he eventually lost interest in me (I'm not upset at him for this, we did rush into it fast so I can see why he could've had second thoughts). When he told me, it shattered my heart. I told him everything that was on my mind for the past few months, and so when he said that, I first sent what was trying to be a nice message, but then later on I sent him a long awful message solely with the intention of making him feel horrible. It crushed me when he deleted the messaging service we were using (means he can never see through our conversations again, he'll never look back on what we had like I do) and he blocked me on his facebook (we never added each other because we both agreed that social media was dumb). I just don't know if I'll ever click with someone as well as I did with him, I've never been so comfortable with someone in my entire life, it was like I'd known him all my life, and now he's deleted me from his life because I couldn't keep my stupid mouth shut.
Anonymous 11275
>>11274I forgot to mention that I'm horrible at talking 1 on 1 with 99.99% of people, since I often have very little in common with them / very little interest in their interests. He was different to anyone I've known, boys or girls. It was the closest thing to a male version of me I think I'll ever find, and I don't know if I'll ever love again.
Anonymous 11283
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I've been forcing myself to sleep all day just so I don't have to think about my ex because I miss him so much. I slept about 15 hours today.
Anonymous 11285
This is going to make me seem severely autistic (i'm honestly starting to think i am too) I had a toothache and my cheek was startibg to swell so instead of making an appointment I tried to wait out the pain.
Didn't work,too late to make an appointment with dentist,tooth hurts too much and probably infected so decided to go to this small hospital that's never busy.
Go with my mom because I'm socially retarded.i'm usually fine talking to other women but it's just men make me extremely nervous.
My anxiety is under control when the nurse is checking my heart rate but then another nurse (not sure if he was) comes in and of course he's around my age and my heart rate goes the fuck up.
Nurse comments about it.
Feel my face get hot.
I'm really embarrassed because I did more stupid shit during the check up.
I couldn't even look at him.
Told my therapist about it and started talking about my general fear of men.
Does anyone else feel this way around men?
Anonymous 11289
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I've lived a somewhat isolated life for many years now, and it's fried my social skills. I want to become normal again but I have no idea where to start, and nothing I try seems to work. I either come off as awkwardly too polite or as mildly offensive when I try to be more laid-back and friendly. If I try to go along with whatever the person is saying I sound (and I am) fake as fuck because I can't hide the fact that I don't find their jokes funny or really care about what they are saying.
I just don't know what to do. When I try to talk to people I get embarrassing memories I'd like to forget and when I go back into the recluse lifestyle I get further away from my goal of being able to speak normally. Tried reading a few self-help books too but they didn't really help.
Anonymous 11294
>>11289Are you a NEET? Being part of the workforce will force you to improve your social skills, retail and service industry jobs are like normie bootcamp.
Anonymous 11295
>>11294I'm not a NEET. I'm a uni student and work part time, but I don't speak to my classmates or coworkers for the most part (my coworkers talk behind my back about me I know but I'm not sure what they say about me). At work I pretty much just read off a script, if a customer tries to talk to me more for whatever reason I just shut down.
My first post may have been a bit misleading, but by recluse lifestyle I mean I don't really talk to anyone most days aside from reading off a script to customers, and in my free time I never go out anywhere or see anyone.
Anonymous 11303
>>11294>tfw spent six years in retail and still can't pass for normiei don't really think a job counts as 'normie boot camp', it was just
a way to make a living. if anything the period when i got closest to 'normie' was when i was in college.
Anonymous 11305
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I feel like a bitch for even feeling like this but here we go. I have a really nice boyfriend who cares a lot about me, takes care of me, and my parents love him. We get along fine but there’s definitely a disconnect a lot of the times. There’s times where I feel really confident in our relationship(like, it working out) but I’d be lying if I said that I feel like that the majority of the time, lol. It really doesn’t help that he has weird controlling immigrant parents.. his mom doesn’t even know I exist. Apparently she’s looking into getting him an arranged marriage “once he gets his shit together” despite him not wanting one and telling her that. Whats weird is his dad just keeps the secret(aka me) from his mom and just actively lies to his wife about a lot to avoid making her angry. I just feel caught up in something I didn’t sign up for. I don’t know his mom, and from what I’ve heard she seems quite abusive but I still am not comfortable with pretty much being complacent in a huge lie and abuse of her trust in her husband and son. Like, this has to come out eventually and I can’t imagine how she would react finding out that her own family has been lying to her for so long. Even his little brother knows of me. It’s just a horrible, stupid situation. I’ve tried talking to my bf about just telling his mom the truth sooner, rather than later(several times) and it has always been a hard no. This is honestly making me crazy because otherwise he’s a good boyfriend but all of this plus other issues we have just have me reminiscing over old loves. Which isn’t fair to him. I guess my dumbass is just stuck between choosing to stay and tough it out and be unsatisfied in the relationship or leave.
Anonymous 11310
>>11305Let him know how much it upsets you. Tell him that you're unhappy with how the relationship is and you don't want to leave him but you can't stay if nothing's going to change.
Anonymous 11311
>>11305Is his family the majority of what's giving you doubts about the relationship? Because eventually if you stick together you are going to move away from them and not have to interact again. Unless there are some other huge issues you haven't mentioned, I wouldn't worry about it too much.
Anonymous 11315
i'm cramping but i'm not on my period
googled it and i guess this is a normal part of the ovulation cycle..hoping it's not something awful like ovarian cancer (i know i was exposed to quite a bit of radiation recently due to a stress test + dental xray )
my mom's always telling me not to hop to the worst thing so i guess i'll try and chill? i'm worrying too much
anyway i hope everyone reads this has good heath for the rest of their lives. never realized how important it was to be healthy until this shit started happening ( not necessarily the cramps, but the positive stress test, feeling like i'm not having enough air, entirely random aches and pains , etc )
Anonymous 11316
>>11315Go see a doctor if it doesn't stop, Anon. That could be a lot of things, but tbh it's probably just a normal change in your cycle and you're ovulating, like you explained. I used to get cramps when I wasn't on my period and was tested for endometriosis and other things, but everything came out good, so apparently I'm normal and healthy.
Anonymous 11318
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Until very recently I had no idea I was so afraid of being left behind and abandoned. I am sure I know the roots of this fear as I've been abandoned many times during my childhood and early teens. I try to avoid thinking about it, but it's complicated. I only have two good things in my life and I'm always afraid they will go away or that I don't deserve them. I've been battling depression for years, and this year has been bad for the most part. Just two months ago I was isolating myself so I'd have the courage to neck myself. I bought the rope and everything.
I just want to be sure of the future, and that's impossible. Living scares me.
Anonymous 11319
>>11283I’m so sorry anon, you will heal soon hopefully
Anonymous 11337
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All the retarded, whinging, "suicidal" idiots I did my best to help and now I feel as shitty as any of them ever did and I may as well never hve existed. Better if I hadn't because they might have topped themselves after all.
Anonymous 11424
My boyfriend told me “get over it” while I was having a mental breakdown…cool I guess? He’s known me for years and know I struggle with bipolar disorder and ptsd
Anonymous 11428
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I really hate my dad for massively over-sharing private details about our family and telling everyone from strangers and acquaintances whom NONE of us are close to about our personal matters.
I don't care that most people he talks to probably don't remember half of his words, it's not his business to be going around prattling to people WE don't know about private things we want to decide with whom to share. He even told a neighbour (whom I know for a fact he isn't even friends with!) that my sister has been unemployed for so and so long and left cashiering because she has social anxiety. I'm not going to tell her because it'll just make both of us upset but seriously, dad? Why? Really makes me wonder what else he's been telling everyone he comes across.
The worst thing is, I'm pretty sure he isn't doing it for attention, it's just the way he is! He's never had a filter and often blurts out things that are not inappropriate in a given situation. We've told him again and again to PLEASE stop running off at his mouth but he doesn't understand our concerns and gets angry every time we call him out for it.
Anonymous 11429
>>11428i hate this kind of shit too, my mother is a journalist and she has shared some really personal stuff about my life in a fucking printed newspaper and on some blogs she has written. i don't care if she doesn't use my name it still pisses me off.
Anonymous 11430
>>11428My dad is similar, except he shares too much detail about his own health problems, he has bowel issues and he tells everybody about it over the phone, every time I hear him I wince. I feel so bad for the people who have to listen about his bowel movements. It seems he doesn't have anything else to talk about.
Also his jokes are getting progressively worse and more unfunny. They're horrible yet he thinks he's so funny and keeps telling them
I'm sorry dad. I love you I swear but I still think you're a pain.
Anonymous 11434
>>11428my mother does this fucking shit and it drives me up the fucking wall, i dont know if its coz she doesnt have many friends and shes lonely or what. shes acts so retarded when talking with people and is always desperate for attention.
i honestly hate both my parents i wish i wasnt such a pathetic NEET and could move out already.
Anonymous 11442
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>>10836>>11283I'm these anons. Holy fuck it's been two months since we broke up and I've become such a depressed NEET. Slept 17 hours today and I feel so numb. I miss him so much. I just want things to be normal again. Anonymous 11443
I got no friends. My normalfag friends are always purposely avoiding me or finding me weird.
I hope once I move to another country I have a social life by then.
Anonymous 11444
>>11442I don't mean to be rude but…
Instead of trying to sleep all day to forget it, you should try to keep yourself busy.
Do whatever comes to mind. Anything that might keep you busy or keep your focus.
It would work much better.
Anonymous 11445
>>11444You're not being rude anon. You're right, I need to sleep less. I've been going through periods of self growth and recovery but then I get depressed again. It's been a vicious cycle.
Anonymous 11446
gotoarestaurant.jp…
I wish my life would improve on its own. I'm tired of doing everything I can do to make it a little easier and more normal, but nothing is ever enough and things constantly backfire for seemingly no reason. I love my bf and I don't want to burden him with my situation and my drama. I am lucky he is so supportive. I wish the few people around me were as supportive as he is. I just need a hug sometimes.
Anonymous 11449
>>11442That's horrible anon, moving on is incredibly hard, especially when all you want to do is remember the good times. I'm going through a breakup at the moment, and I can't bring myself to delete our old messages, even though I know he has (and he's cut off all contact with me). I'm going to try and stop going through his messages, I've stopped the past couple of days, and I've just been going on walks when I'm not working, and I've found being outside with nature makes me feel a lot better, and it makes it easier to forget him. I wish you the best anon!
Anonymous 11558
Don't look for the…
It's funny.
I've isolated myself from things long enough that it's second nature. Even thrown cc into adblock at home, so I'm not tempted (phoneposting from a bus rn).
I'm not depressed nor am I afraid of people, I simply don't want to connect anymore, no matter how much the lack of connections stings.
I don't really know what I want to accomplish with this post, either.
Wouldn't let me post without an image
Anonymous 11570
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My ex and I have been talking nightly over the phone for a number of days now.
He sometimes refers to meeting up in person and that he'd like to see me and blah blah blah. Sometimes.
Other times he makes sarcastic comments like "Yeah, anon, you always have an answer for everything."
I don't even know if I fucking care about the outcome of this bullshittery anymore. At this point I'm wondering if I can personally start the next Cold War with the number of mixed signals this dude keeps sending me.
No. I'm not bitter. No bitterness here. No, sir.
Anonymous 11584
I'm trying to resis the temptationt!! I want to order junk food.
Anonymous 11586
for the first time In my life I am so painfully jealous of someone to the point it’s souring our friendship. A bit of a backstory, i have a wonderful partner who recently fell really ill and as a result we won’t be able to travel for a very very long time, we had plans of going to jp but timing of the illness and financial distress kind of ruined that which is really sad but I know I’ll get over it, But this friend of mine… I can’t help but be insanely jealous! She really doesn’t do anything for herself except use her much older boyfriend for his money, she has “anxiety” (not doubting its fake but she won’t get help for it despite us going through the trouble to get her help) and her bf constantly complains to us in private about how she doesn’t leave their house, she’s on the Internet all day crafting a fake persona and doing in house photo shoots (selfies with her phone in the bathroom) (she has lots of followers online but she looks Nothing like her photos at all) and he’s juggling multiple jobs for their living situation but he’s still paying for her entire flight and hotels to Japan next year. I’m bitter and jealous that she gets to do all of this amazing stuff for free and without working for it and it’s making me feel so gross inside ugh I wish I could just… make these feelings go away somehow. I’ve never dealt with jealousy this intense before where it’s all I can think about
Anonymous 11587
>>11586Dump him for a richer guy then?
Anonymous 11591
>>11586That girl sounds really pathetic imo. I understand being jealous of her getting everything she wants by doing nothing but goddamn crafting a fake internet persona for validation is one of the lamest things ever kek. If her sugar daddy really is getting fed up with her shit then her cash flow will dry up soon.
Anonymous 11592
>>11591Kek thanks anon you’re totally right, this makes me feel loads better to be honest
Anonymous 11594
103bd8f3617369e605…
Do you sometimes miss things you've never lived?
Anonymous 11598
>>11597It'll be okay, anon. He might come someday
or you can get a robot (as in zettai kareshi) bf at some point in the future Anonymous 11606
Every day I wake up and think:
"My life is going no where"
Specifically I think about the bad memory icon in The Sims that's labeled: Grew Up Badly. "Too soon, too soon! I just wasn't ready to grow up yet. I feel like my life is going nowhere."
And all their sim relatives have a bad memory too: "It's such a shame to see someone wasting their life away."
Anonymous 11609
ZVmgzNf.jpg
>>11594All the time. I miss the childhood I never got.
Anonymous 11614
chapter 86.jpg
I accidentally cut my fringe shorter than I meant to today. I don't want to go to work or go outside until it fixes itself but I have to.
I'm an idiot.
Anonymous 11619
>>11614Is this a warning from the universe? Kek. I will probably have mine cut too today after a year of waiting for it to grow out.
Anonymous 11621
Despite knowing all of the mechanics of my depression and how I can snap out of it, I realized that it's physically impossible for me to do everything I should do. I'm not an orderly person but I have two houses to take care of two old ones that are actually fucked and would need thousands in investment to be even remotely nice
It would not even work if I HAD the time but I'm in a full time job with my kids that nobody really recognizes because I chose that life myself, yet I have to conform to all the expectations.
It is too much. But I know that despair just feeds back into the anxiety/depression loop.
So what? Just say "Fuck it :^D" and live in mayhem? I have lots of talents but if I manage to "bee myself" I would probably do 20 retarded engineering projects a day and live in a pigs stable .
The next issue is that we're poor as fuck and my husband refuses to change anything about our income situation. It wouldn't be so bad if we weren't constantly in the negative because of some unneeded gadgets we buy. I can't complain because I basically get sustained without working, but I just have to settle with having a poor husband.Again, I chose this, and now I'm frustrated. I am what gives womanhood a bad name.
It would be so nice, it is objectively a nice life, but I'm constantly under pressure .
Anonymous 11625
>>11606wtf this made me so sad. I hope eventually you figure it out. Actually I think everyone eventually figures their life out.
Also really I don't understand people who torture sims I feel so bad for them
>>11614This happens so often to me lol so I started cutting it more frequently but cutting less
Anonymous 11627
I'm fucking done with alcohol. I'm too unpredictable on it. I took an Uber home far too late and I don't even remember how I got into my house. It's terrifying to me I'd go somewhere so wasted, alone. I worried my best friend so much that they're incredibly upset at me, and I'm sick of people worrying about me because of all the crazy shit I do drunk (I've done worse than last night).
Anonymous 11635
Here I am again wanting to kill myself and trying to fill the void with substance abuse
Anonymous 11640
>>11635Take care of yourself, please.
Anonymous 11641
>>11627You got home safely. That's good.
I've done really stupid shit while I was drunk, too, and nowadays I mostly drink to forget about my problems, not to enjoy myself. Most of the time I can't get drunk anymore even if I drink from morning until night because my tolerance is too high.
Try not to drink alone or too early in the day. Drinking with your cat doesn't count as not drinking alone.
And when you drink with a friend, just tell them you don't want to get too sloshed tonight and to keep an eye on you. A bad friend might complain about having to cut you off or make sure you get home okay, but a good friend who cares about your well-being won't.
Anonymous 11653
>>11635Come here and talk to us. I'm here everyday. I know that isn't much, but I'll respond to your posts. I've felt suicidal for most of my life, I understand your pain.
Anonymous 11654
How do I stop casually insulting myself/implying I'm not entirely happy with the way I am now?
No one has told me up front that they want it to stop but I'm sure I'm slowly testing their patience.
I'm not chronic shitstack self esteem delusion tier where I unrealistically admit I have zero good points and will never amount to anything, its just small but there.
Anonymous 11655
1528641606235.gif
I wish my life was easier. Nothing is simple or easy in my life. I always try to make things work out, even when I'm tired of trying. Nothing ever works out or it just backfires. Things that are beyond my control are crucial in situations that could potentially make me happy, so they seem unreachable right now. People break their promises or change their minds, while I always try to keep mine and keep my feelings steady. I'm used to being betrayed in some way or another, or being forgotten.
As much as I know I might be pity partying right now, I can't help but to feel sorry for myself.
I wish I'd wake up ten years in the future to see what happened to me. Fast forward to 2028 to see what I've done with my life, if anything, for better or worse.
I tend to isolate myself when I feel down. I do that to prevent myself of dragging others down with me or, even worse, making them feel sorry for my ass. That's something I cannot bear even though I open my heart quite easily. I guess I start throwing up my feelings without a second thought, just to feel ashamed after I'm done. I've opened up a lot lately and looking back, I wish I wouldn't because my drama probably made people feel bad for me, or sorry for me, or worried.
I want to go back to my shell and stay there.
I remember someone once asked me if I would like to be remembered after death and I told them I'd want to be less than a memory. If I could erase the memory of me from everyone's heads, I would.
Anonymous 11657
7899768900.gif
>>11655If I could be your fellow shut-in friend I would, anon. Because you managed to put into words what I can't.
From one recluse to another: I hope things get better for you.
Anonymous 11660
>>11654You are thinking about yourself too much. Just talk about other things. Just look at what extremely extroverted people talk about.
Anonymous 11662
>>11657Thank you, anon. I hope your life improves too!
Anonymous 11663
>>11661
I'm not sure why you answered my question but I'm comforted we have the same fears anon
I'll try to focus my energies on broadening my focus instead of wigging myself out on it
Anonymous 11664
i eat like a fucking weirdo so i ate half a pound of pretzels and a bunch of potato chips and now i feel like shit and dehydrated ofc. i tried to sleep but got nowhere. my sleep schedule is also bad again for the first time in over half a year because i lost my job and i'm really depressed about it. i didn't even get fired, i quit, but i kind of had to because of how crazy my boss was being, threatening me and screaming at me like a psycho out of nowhere and for no reason which i couldn't deal with. i have no one and nothing and i will always have no one and nothing. it's like the way things were just meant to be. i wish i was dead. im tired of thinking im pretty and then thinking im quite ugly. im tired of feeling like im disgustingly skinny. when i think of the person who doesn't love me back i hate myself so much. i can't blame them but it still hurts a lot. im tired of being at my stupid computer in my stupid room in my stupid house. i hate knowing that theres probably a dozen things wrong with me mentally or physically and i'm just not gonna come back from it, it's just not gonna happen. i just want to walk through the woods to a little creek and blow my brains out.
Anonymous 11724
8775098545.jpg
Slept with my ex a few days ago. It was amazing (as it always was with him).
We're going to meet up again tomorrow for the movies. I have no idea where this is going.
>pic very related
>but the sex is so good
Anonymous 11734
original.gif
I really cannot take this pain anymore.
What did I do to deserve all this sadness, I've been kind all my life and this is what I get in return?
Not even a single good day? Not even a single good year? Why, fuck.
Why does everything that makes me happy eventually break, why cant anything other than bad things, just, stay? Am i just not made for happiness and good things?
I'm tired, so tired.
I don't think i have any strength left in me, anons.
Anonymous 11736
36B536E6-873B-47EE…
I hurt the person I love the most. I don’t think he wants me anymore. we’re in an ldr and for certain reasons we haven’t been able to talk in a very long time. I haven’t left my house or spoken to anyone in a month. being alone with all of your insecurities causes you to have some crazy thoughts. I drove him away. he has been so good to me. he’s given me everything. all I gave him was pain. I wish I could disappear, so everyone could be free of me
Anonymous 11737
>>11736Anon, if you disappear you need to take me with you. Who's going to shitpost with me if you're gone?
>we’re in an ldr relatable feels.
Anonymous 11738
>>11724Is it possible to have a relationship that's purely physical?
Anonymous 11740
qlbmjbtOps.gif
>>11735I don't want to be too specific.
But being brief, my family is in shambles, my friend group is breaking apart, my depression is getting worse and worse, i can barely get the strenght to talk to anyone anymore cause i am afraid i will fuck everything up since bad luck seems to be surrounding me.
Sometimes i just lay in my bed in the nights crying and hoping i won't wake up tomorrow. Suicide is looking more and more like the only option left for me to finally have peace.
I have been strong for so many years but i dont know if i can take much more.
It's so hard to keep having faith it will get better eventually.
Anonymous 11744
>>11738We probably could but that's not what I want from him. I want a real relationship with him. If he wanted fwb he missed the boat on that one with me. I have too many real feels for this boy.
That's why I chose the trainwreck pic, anon. Because my life is a trainwreck.
Anonymous 11745
>>11744>We probably could but that's not what I want from him. I figured, but was still curious. I was also just asking genrally, can a relationship only be physical.
>my life is a trainwreck.lol. Who knows, maybe he wants to get back together, too. Hopefully, maybe.
Anonymous 11758
While my credit score has increased, my appearance and a desire for life has decreased.
Anonymous 11759
>>11740I'm so sorry for you anon, I hope it gets better. I hope you stay strong, I hope you find someone to talk to about it, maybe this is one of life's tests. Please stay strong anon, I wish you the best.
Anonymous 11763
I think I got ghosted IRL and it's the weirdest thing to me, halfway through funny and just sad but mostly weird, cause it had never happened to me before. Basically I met this dude in class and we talked about anime and movies, I might have come off as a weirdo but honestly I felt chill about it. Next time I see him we're both with some common friends and he won't even look at me. Seriously. Even when I talked, he wouldn't acknowledge me. I felt like I might have done something wrong, but I can't really recall any instance of me offending him to the level he won't even look at me.
I'm 100% socially retarded though so it may have eluded me. I never talked about this to anyone because… I don't know why, but I feel like I'm the one who ought to be ashamed. Even if I'm not the one ignoring people without reason/without explaining myself
Anonymous 11771
>>11763if he's a really shy or insecure person it's possible he's into you and is now being very avoidant to prevent embarrassment or some form of rejection from heading his way.
If he's really normal then you're obviously on point and he's just being cold though.
Anonymous 11773
>>11771He seems like an easygoing guy and he has a gf, mentioned her the first and only time we talked and I saw her later on.
I think he got a bad vibe coming from me, some of our common friends are girls too so it's not a jealousy problem. That's a shame, cause I just want friends with common interests, but evidently neither me nor my male friend (who tried to talk to him more and got some short answers) are good enough or something
Anonymous 11774
>>11740Keep waking up. Whatever you're scared of try to face those fears. What are you worried about fucking up? Keep doing your best.
Anonymous 11776
images (55).jpeg
I want to make my life worth living.
I've tried to find reasons to hold on by telling myself I have do things to be happy because of my own happiness – so that I should enjoy what life gives me without expecting me to reach a certain goal.
The problem is that I don't actually want anything in life that I could enjoy by myself. I've never had proper "dreams" or "goals" with the exception of two or three that require me to have other people in my life to come true. I have a desire to care for someone else, and love them, and make them feel safe and secure. I want to be needed and need someone too. That's it.
Unfortunately I happen to be socially inept for the most part so making meaningful connections is hard. I'm the type of person who listens to many people, but only open up to a few. On top of that I feel extra guilty and ashamed when I do open up – and god knows I need to do that every now and then. So my meaningful interactions are few. Loving someone and being loved the same way seems even harder.
My ex hurt me in so many ways and even threatened my life.
Our relationship was horrible. It was pure codependency plus fear of abandonment on both ends. I don't miss being in a romantic relationship with him, but I miss feeling needed and knowing I meant the world to someone else.
I remember when I broke up with him and told myself the next time I developed feelings for someone I'd want to experience a calm yet steady love. I want love, intensity and companionship with the assurance that I won't be alone again.
I think I should do volunteer work again, but even when I did, it didn't feel like enough to me (I mean, I should do volunteer work again anyway because in the end it's not about me, but other people). What I want is to be important as an individual.
I feel like my life is meaningless and empty. I need some sort of fuel. I'm trying my best to improve, and even change my mindset, but I'm tired. I wish things would be easy for once.
Anonymous 11777
>>11776Maybe sign up to a flavor of traditionalism dating website that you like. Having children really does the trick. But beware, having one man to take care of is more than anyone can take, hence the incoming rant for what I opened this thread in the first place:
Why. The. FUCK does the Lord make us responsible for that pathetic creatures called Men? What is the problem with them? I fucking start to get those fucking militant feminists despite the fact that they fucking have not a single idea what they are talking about if they get pissy about random dudes. Try fucking living with one. Try HAVINGCOMMITED TO ONE and having to deal withabsolite bullcrap your entire life. Like literally ripping yourself apart in order to make everything as nice as possible for everyone EXCLIDING YOURSELF OF COURSE and then still getting nagged at for NOT DOING ENOIGJ FOR EVERYONE ALL DAY EVERY DAY. ALL FUCKING DAY GETTING BLAMED FOR THE SAME FUCKING 'PROBLEMS" THAT ARE NINE, THAT EXIST ONLY BECAUSE OF YOUR MONOLITHIC STUBBORNNESS YOU FUCKING RETARD
EVERY FUCKING TIME WE FIGJT YOU PULL THE "I WORK ALL FAY FOR YOU" CARD, YOUR SHITTY AS FUXK JOB WITH A GRAND TOTAL OF FOUR WORK DAYS WHERE YIU DO FUXK ALL AND BRING HOME MONEY LITTLE ENOUGH THAT I GOT MY KIDS USED TO EAT LEFTOVERS FOR DAYS AND THE MOST MONEYB"WE" SPEND IS FOR YOUR FUXKING VAIN """HOBBIES"" STILL LETTING -ME- WORK , WHO IS ACTUALLY QUALIFIED TO ACTUALLY EARN SOME FUXKING MONEY ANF ACTUALLY FUCKING ENJOYS WORK , YOI FUCKING IDIOT, IS BEYOND YOUR RETARDED REALM OF POSSIBILITIES AMR THEN YOU THINK IT IS A EGO TRIP OF MEEEEEEEE
FUCK THAT AND FUCK YOU
AND THEN YOU INSULT ME FOR WANTING TO OWN A CAR TO TAKE CARW OF ALL OIRS (EXCEPT OF MINE) NEEDS BECAUSE IT IS ~TOO EXPENSIVE~ AND IM JUST LAZY
FUCK
YOU
Anonymous 11810
1483057679211.gif
>>11777Jesus, anon, divorce that fuckwad. Love yourself. You deserve better.
Anonymous 11811
if someone gave me 100 grand right now all my problems would be solved
Anonymous 11812
also i have tinnitus, and i want it to go away. i don't know if the ent can cure it ( i'm praying and hoping it's caused by an ear infection or an excess of earwax & will go away with proper treatment since this only happened after i used ear wax drops ) but miners please please please practice safe listening when you use headphones, and protect your ears. you don't want to hear white static and a constant EEEE for the rest of your life.
Anonymous 11820
>>11777You need to talk to your husband about these feelings for the sake of your marriage when you're feeling calmer, not in an argumentative way but letting him know you're frustrated, burnt out and exhausted with how things are right now.
Anonymous 11835
1461293887039.jpg
I want to kill myself.
I'm so sad I can't eat. I've been losing weight for months and months and I can't gain it back. My ribs are showing now. I hate my body now, too. But I don't want to eat. I have no appetite. Looking at food makes me feel sick. Eating it makes me gag. I crave nothing anymore.
I don't want this anymore and I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of being lonely and unloved. I have no family. And I'm letting myself get used for sex by someone who just pretends to care about me.
I want to die. I just don't care anymore. What is the purpose of living? I was beaten and abused by my parents as a child, molested by my cousin, bullied in school, raped in university, and I'm still alone as an adult. Why the fuck should I care about life and living?
But when I'm a dead skeleton they'll pretend they cared. People are horrible, awful users.
I just wanted someone to love me.
Anonymous 11836
>>11835>I'm letting myself get used for sex by someone who just pretends to care about me.putting an end to this sounds like a start.
Anonymous 11840
>>11835I love you Anon <3 Please don't think you being dead will solve anything. They mean nothing. What means a thing is that you become aware of your purpose in the world. There are so many people who would be happy about getting to know you. <3
Anonymous 11846
>>11835Anon, I can't even begin to understand what you've been through, but i really hope you don't think killing yourself is the only way to escape.
Most people are shitty, but thinking everyone is a user is unrealistic. There's a lot of good in the world, and people will surprise you. I totally agree with
>>11836 though. Ending that situation (or any other situations in your life that makes you feel used/unwanted) is just one thing you don't have to worry about. I know it's easier said than done, but you need to start somewhere.
I truly wish you all the best. There's so much left in this world for you to see and do and so many people whose lives will be better with you in it, even if you haven't met them yet.
Anonymous 11854
>>11835Anon your cc sisters care about you! Please end that toxic relationship and start your own healing journey, you deserve better than that. It's difficult, I know, I've been there but it will all be worth it, I promise.
Anonymous 11869
mother_simpson_93.…
I have made up my mind.
I'm most likely killing myself this september, feels kind of good not having doubt about doing it or not anymore and knowing my suffering will end. I'm currently trying to get everyone who would care for me unattached so i have no doubts in the end and finding the best method to make sure i don't survive it and end up a vegetable.
It was a good ride with you anons.
Anonymous 11871
>>11870Simple, I dont want to keep living.
I'm tired of being strong and my situation staying the same. I'm tired of pretending i'm happy.
I want to stop suffering and if neither meds nor therapy are helping i can't see any other way to do it.
Anonymous 11872
>>11871what's got you so unhappy and why can't your situation be changed?
Anonymous 11873
>>11872I ruin everything good that happens to me, i'm a horrible person that only ruins everything and makes everyone who loves me lives worse. It seems i will never be happy or be allowed to have anything nice happen to me.
When i am gone everyone will be happier.
I tried everything, anon, therapy, meds, self-help, and my situation is exactly the same all these years later, my depression is eating my brain away, i just want to stop suffering and I've held on for too long with this pain.
I just want to end it and finally stop the pain.
Anonymous 11875
>>11869Anon will you tell how you're gonna do it? I want to do it too. I'll make a throwaway email if you want to. Please.
Anonymous 11876
>>11873i find it hard to believe that someone who would say they are having such a negative impact on those around them, actually is having said impact. and if you truly are, well then it seems that you're conscious of it and you can probably make things better in a variety of ways. when you are gone everyone will not be happier, if there's people in your life who love you they will be worse off, people never let go of things like this, especially suicide. what is the situation you want? as long as it's reasonable you should be able to break it down into little goals and work towards them. i think showing yourself some love and working towards attainable goals is a much nicer option than self hate and throwing suicide dates at the wall.
Anonymous 11879
>>11869I would literally adopt you, so that you don't have to worry about food or shelter ever again, if you agreed to help me with chores every once in a while. See, that would make me happy, and your situation would be changed and it would be nice and cozy :3
I agree your environment sucks though. Maybe you need to be removed before you DIY. 👀
Anonymous 11885
I asked my friend to get me some weed because it's hard for me to get it on my own. He's coming this Saturday and I can't wait.
Anonymous 11886
>>11885is it your first time? I can legally get weed, but I'm too nervous and would feel like a dumb babby not knowing what to get even though I have done it with friends.
Anonymous 11889
>>11886Yeah it'll be my first time. I'm excited, I want to relax. I hope that happens for me.
Anonymous 11897
a020d9baa93464080e…
Can someone please tell me what do you think my dream mess? I usually think they come from my subconscious mind.
I suddenly remembered I had a puppy in a bedroom. I had left this puppy there for weeks without remember it existed so it had no food or water. I rushed to the bedroom to see the pup. Then I woke up…
Anonymous 11900
>>11898
ur bein' a jerk, u runt
Anonymous 11940
ef4967b8b0ce61ab81…
I'm so exhausted. My dissertation is due on the 3rd and I'm in the editing stages now (kind of? I'm still adding to it) as well as having a shit ton of other work to be doing for uni. I just wish I had some sort of stop-watch that would just pause time for a few days so I can catch up on work, or have a relaxing bath, or both. I know the final stretch is the hardest, but staying motivated and committed to this is just so damn hard. Sorry for the vent and the rambling I just needed to get this off my chest.
Anonymous 11946
>>11940sorry that this isn't related (dissertations a shit) but what show is this .gif from? the animation is so beautiful, look at the way the reflection on the metal moves! that water is making me flustered, too.
Anonymous 11953
>>11940This is so cool. Keep going! Later you will never remember the exhaustion, but only your awesome degree that will last till eternity. You have achieved so much already.
Anonymous 11954
My husband informed me that he will not have sex with me anymore because he doesn't want more children "at the moment".
I feel like my heart was ripped out. This is against everything we committed to. I'm sure he uses that as pressure because "I don't want kids to suffer this kind of life", meaning less than stellar household. Apparently "they suffer", he can't make me one single family where the kids have a better life but that doesn't matter because "he doesn't compare himself to lesser people".
I feel betrayed and worthless. And, what's even better, he assumed I would keep on giving him BJ's (what I have been doing unilaterally for years). Lol.
Anonymous 11955
>>11954Wow. I'd tell him to fuck right off. Are you gonna stay married to an entitled bastard who thinks women just fuck to satisfy men?
Because that's literally what he's just told you he believes. Or he wouldn't have the audacity to still expect blowjobs. Fuck that. A sexless marriage is a prison sentence. He needs to perform his husband-ly duties and satisfy his wife.
Disgusting.
Anonymous 11956
>>11954At the moment doesn't mean forever. Maybe his feelings will change?
Anonymous 11958
>>11956You can still have sex and use protection to help prevent pregnancy. He basically told Anon that she's only gonna get laid if he wants to knock her up. But he still expects her to suck him off.
That's how I interpreted that. And that's bullshit.
Anonymous 11961
>>11958Maybe they follow a religion where they can't do that, I don't know what their circumstances are. Although it would be unusual for him to still get BJs since you're only supposed to ejaculate p-in-v in religions I'm aware of that do that.
Anonymous 11969
>>11897There's either,
>Some hobby or gift you have that you aren't nurturing correctly bc you've forgotten about it or
>…I've forgotten the other thing. Sorry anon.
Anonymous 11971
>>11969That is enough and makes sense. Thank you, I will believe that.
Anonymous 11973
>>11869Don't do it, you don't know where you'll be in ten years and your situation could improve by then. Holding on for a few more years is nothing compared to an eternity of death.
Anonymous 11980
>>11961>Although it would be unusual for him to still get BJs since you're only supposed to ejaculate p-in-v in religions I'm aware of that do that.This, but I sorta did it anyway because I love him and engaged in enough mental gymnastics to say they probably improve and enhance our sex life.
Anonymous 11983
>>11869I want to be your friend!
Shoot me an email at
[email protected] Anonymous 12003
IRGQRGn.jpg
>one chance at life
>born female
great
>ugly
not so great
i wish i was pretty. it's such a shallow childish thing, and i'm not letting it get me down too much ( even if i were given my dream face right now that wouldn't cure. any of my issues lol ) but shit. it would've been nice growing up? does that make sense
Anonymous 12004
>>12003the nice thing is that it matters less and less as you get older. like even if you are born 'pretty' then all it is really is a good party trick (or a reason to be targeted by scummy men.)
Anonymous 12005
I cringe at every single thing I do and I worry that others do as well. It's perhaps best to just isolate myself as much as possible and get rid of this anxiety that's always looming over me.
Anonymous 12008
>>12005Nah, best ist to deliberately act stupid in public and realize how little people actually care. You don't care about weirdnesses of passerbys either.
The only thing people really notice is the spasms people get when they think they're doing something "awkwaaaard". Just, really, believe in what you do, even if it's riddled with mistake, just shrug and correct course as soon as you notice one.
Pls don't shut yourself off it would make things worse.
Anonymous 12028
32485574-24b6-4726…
Second year of college, I absolutely hate it. It seems even worse than first year. I'm thinking of dropping out, but atm I don't have a job due to being a full-time student. I have untreated social anxiety, and it seemed manageable the first year since I didn't really talk to anyone (not that I minded) and my classrooms were much more roomy and not as crowded.
I feel like an autist whenever I converse with anyone, like their discomfort talking to me is palpable. Sometimes I feel so alienated from others I feel I shouldn't be alive for not being able to act normal socially. I can't stand up and introduce myself to the class without my voice nearly giving out and stuttering a bunch. I like my major but just have a terribly hard time being interested in any of the classes I'm taking. I dunno though, I'd feel like a huge neet loser for being almost 22 and dropping out. Conflicted feelings indeed.
Anonymous 12029
>>12028the only thing worse than you having the issues you have now, is you having those issues AND being a dropout. things will snowball to be so much worse, don't drop out.
Anonymous 12031
barely ate anything this summer due to health issues and my bmi dropped from 24 to 23
but i still have a gut and am generally flabbed up & unattractive.
if i get down to 21 i wonder how i'll look
Anonymous 12032
>>12028I dropped out for similar reasons.
Worst decision of my life.
24 years old flipping burgers, still mentally ill.
Anonymous 12049
>>12029>>12032Thanks, I might just drop a class this semester to alleviate some stress and keep the others while I can get on medication or get some counseling
Anonymous 12051
dog_milk.jpg
I have like five friends including my older sister. My only hobbies are painting and reading scientific journals. I'm pretty sure I know what I want to do as a career after undergrad, which is to become an infectious disease doctor and maybe a physician-scientist. However I don't know if I'll ever become better at forming and maintaining human relationships.
I'm afraid my mentally ill father is going to blow my parents' retirement savings on a pointless feud with his estranged sister.
All things considered I'm not unhappy, but I don't think I'm happy either.
Anonymous 12055
I was watching Parts Unknown, and they showed this "wacky/obscure" metal band, and it reminded me of a band I used to listen to when I was younger. I looked them up on youtube, and all the videos are 8+ years old, and a channel dedicated to "rare" albums had one of theirs.
I really am getting old. I wasn't ready for this feel in this context.
Anonymous 12060
I'm lonely but I'm getting sick of going through the process of finding people to talk to and going through the motions of getting to know each other only to end up disappointed, hurt, or back to feeling lonely again. I wish one of my friends would reach out and message but nobody seems interested in having spontaneous chats. I get they could be busy, insecure, or whatever and it's hypocritical of me to demand their attention when I struggle with the same things and could be doing more to sustain our connections but I swear I try really hard sometimes and I still end up disappointed. I know I'm not that great to talk to. I wish I were more consistent personality wise. But what can I do besides keep trying? I just want to sense some initiative and effort from the other persons behalf, to show that they care rather than giving me passive messages every now and then or rather nothing.
Anonymous 12065
tumblr_o1g4iwXBJ01…
Crying just to release hidden emotions at work right now. I pretend I like being as self-aware as possible, but I'd rather not dissect my thoughts behind my feelings.
Anonymous 12066
>>12060It's difficult. Making friends is rough.
Anonymous 12069
>>12065Iktf sis. I've spent too long crying in the bathroom on company time.
Anonymous 12070
>>12051I think it's great you have five friends. Don't worry about quantity, just make your relationships with these five people stronger.
Anonymous 12082
Tomorrow, I am meeting with a once-close-but-acquaintances-who-know-a-few-personal-details-about-me family friend as I haven't seen her in a year as she moved below the border for a job. I … honestly don't really want to but it seemed like she really wanted to see me.
I don't think she really wants to though. Through IG stories, she posted her sister and another family friend hanging out together without me. It's always been the three of them hanging out without me, and they don't ask me ever to hang out together, so it just feels like she feels obligated to see me (her mom and mine are very close; my friend's mom probably told her to see me for god knows why) and not out of genuine pleasure. I just feel pretty out of everything these days and seeing them hang out without me was the cherry on the shit cake.
Anonymous 12091
1535089348221.jpg
I think my long hair is cute, but it doesn't much project my personality at all. It'd feel like a waste to chop it all off again while I'm young, since I've been a little more feminine lately, and it's taken this long to grow again, but it's borderline dysphoria. If I had a gf I'd keep it long for sure, but alas, I do not. Half of me wants to just do away with it, but the other half knows I'd cry if I did.
>>10850This is my exact feel all of the time and it hurts.
Anonymous 12093
>>12091I have long hair too. The whimsical feel is imo best realized by side braids. Always consider you can express SO MANY looks with long hair whereas short hair is very limited.
Anonymous 12132
I'm splitting because I feel unwanted and abandoned right now. I'm too clingy, but they say I'm not, but I must be. I fucking hate how pathetic I am and I hate how theyre a liar. I hate people who don't realize they're sick of you and fool themselves into thinking they still care.
Anonymous 12135
>>12132i've been in the same role as the people that you're talking about, when no matter what we said or what we did, it was always that we were lying about caring or lying about not being troubled by them needing some support. everybody goes through rough times and it's not an inconvenience to reach out to the people who love you. we really do care, and we're not sick of you. but if this is how you see yourself
>i'm too pathetic/clingy/bad to be lovedthen you do need to consult with a professional, because they will be able to help you far more than we can. please don't do anything drastic before then.
Anonymous 12142
aaasdfa.jpg
I'm
>>11869 updating for anyone who cares.
I'm sorry i didn't reply to all of you, but i'm sad so many of you feel similar to me and wish i could help you.
I decided to reach out to a few people but instead of support i basically got told that i was selfish for thinking of doing it and attacked for my choices, instead of telling me not to do it or anything similar, so that did not help much.
Someone did take me seriously, and it felt good letting it out, but it's still on the back of my mind, and i cannot stop thinking about just doing it.
I've had a really bad past few months, my meds feel like they are not working and my life is going downhill, i have had incredible bad luck these past few weeks (more than usual).
I feel like i'm annoying everyone around me still, no matter how much they reassure me, and i keep feeling like everybody's afterthought, which isn't nice. I've barely had any energy these past few days, i stopped working out, i stopped eating, i barely have enough energy to talk to people but i still try to muster it up to appear happy.
I'm still not sure if i will go, but if i do, i just want to tell everyone that replied to me saying they also wish to do so, to please don't do it, try a little longer if you can, as i will i, crystal cafe changed my life for the better (seriously) and i wish we could all feel better, wherever you are anons, i'm sending hugs to you to keep pushing on a little bit more.
Anonymous 12149
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>>12070You're probably right. Going to see my friend's band play tomorrow night I think. It's been a while since I've been out.
Anonymous 12158
Broke up with my (now ex)bf of 3 years.I didn't cry or feel bad at all this time so this must be it.Time for a clean page!
Anonymous 12163
It used to be that I'd only buy food if it were the cheapest per ounce, or in its ratio to calories
>lost weight
now I only buy food based upon how few calories it has
I feel so pathetic wanting to buy a meal, but settling for a large diet pepsi
it's funny that a lot of people on ana forums act like their life is so different or shitty because of anorexia, and though I'd say mine is, in a way, it also is no different. I've always found a way to obsess over the numbers, or the completeness of, a thing.
I wish I weren't so enslaved to it. I wish I didn't need to cross-check every single selling website when I find a piece of clothing I like so I can buy it for $5 less. Just buy the damn thing, people say.
I don't know. I wish I weren't enslaved by how I have to take forever to price check, calorie check, stand mesmerized by the labels of shit when I'm shopping.
On the other hand, I have no idea what it's like to not be that way. How could I ever be okay with myself, knowingly buying something when there is the exact same thing for cheaper or for less calories elsewhere?
I hate how sometimes I resent this habit of mine, but then, there's so many times where I don't even care. I don't even think about it. This is my normal.
Anonymous 12172
>>8354>unless he's your height or shorter, and that's a minority of men.the average male is 5’9 where did you get the idea that it was taller? If I had to guess its men lying to you about their hight to you.
Anonymous 12173
i hope that happy, younger than me, couple off for a hike i walked past earlier this morning DIE FROM BIRD ATTACKS AND THE SUN
Anonymous 12195
>>12194Don’t be mean about my early morning shitposts, I’m having a horrible time. Pretending is the only escape I can find.
Anonymous 12197
>>12172the average height of a young man depends a great deal on your country and region, of course
Anonymous 12198
giphy-downsized.gi…
I'm so, so embarrassed, I rambled to a new co-worker, I'm sure they know I'm weird now. Kek, kek, kek.
Anonymous 12241
If I were a cute girl, life would be so much better. I could wear cute clothes, date other cute girls without feeling guilty, make friends easily.
>What's stopping you from doing all that?
Being an ugly girl is like the worst
Anonymous 12253
>>12241You can still wear cute clothes if you're ugly.
Anonymous 12265
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I'm done anons, i have nothing left to hold into anymore, i have ruined it all, so i can finally go in peace.
I have achieved my goal of making everyone want me dead,so now i know no one will cry my death, can't wait for it to be over.
Anonymous 12266
>>12265You're still here. There's something holding you here. Please cling to that, whatever it is. We care about you, anon, as much as a person can love an anon.
A person's emotions are volatile and though you may believe others want you dead, that isn't longstanding reality even if for a brief moment, someone thought they wanted you dead. There's probably a huge dissonance between what they actually want to happen to you, anyway.
Anonymous 12267
>>12265It's unreasonable to kill yourself for ailments that presently have many recourses for treatment such as major depression: CBT, SSRIs, ECT, ketamine and so on. It's not as if you have Alzheimer's or some other incurable and horrific illness, in which case suicide would be rational. You believe suicide is reasonable only because you are not thinking correctly due to your illness.
Anonymous 12270
>>12266Thank you for your words.
I used to have it, i don't anymore, it's all gone and it's my fault for being an awful human, there are no feelings left in me, i have nothing left, i tried to
slash my wrists tonight and even failed at that cause i was too scared to do it too deep. I feel nothing.
I just know i want to be gone one way or the other, but it seems that i'm not even good at that.
>>12267I'm on treatment for my depression, pills and therapy, i lost my hope when even those didn't work.
I believe suicide is rational because i don't want to keep on living and there's is nothing of value in me being alive.
Anonymous 12271
>>12270You believe suicide is rational because you have major depression that is refractory to conventional treatment. What you need to do is to tell your psychiatrist that their regimen is not working so they can refer you to an academic hospital offering more advanced treatment options.
Anonymous 12288
>sister throws me under the bus for the millionth time
>lets bf know I'll do drugs
>bf makes fuss, tells parents to "check in" on me
>slashes entire body because you can't see that
haha, so much better than one night of mild substance abuse, lmao
