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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Relationship General #3 Anonymous 97456

Questions, experiences, advice, venting, about romance, love, potential partners.
Old thread reached bump limit: >>84469

Anonymous 97461


Gonna ask it again here then.
Genuine question for all experienced users. How do you expertly break up and move on from a long-term girlfriend/boyfriend when it's time to split? Do you block and mass-delete any remnant of your relationship? How do you stop yourself from changing your mind and crawling back to the ex? What is good prevention from any emotional pain?

Anonymous 97477

Just start being distant and start doing little, annoying things. Eventually your partner will stop trying to fix things. You can just speedrun bad marriage vibes, then you can cut things off painlessly once they're sick of you, or at least make them not really invested in the whole thing enough that you can break up and neither of you will care.

Anonymous 97519

For something long term i wouldnt recommend ghosting or blocking, just a long mature talk

Anonymous 97770

Be very clinical and matter-of-fact about it. Tell them the relationship isn't working for you, explain why, be specific.

Avoid this shit >>97477

Put yourself in his or her shoes - if they weren't happy and wanted to end things, would you want them to just tell you and be mature about it, or would you want them to drag it out for weeks or months trying to annoy you or bait you into ending it for them?

Anonymous 97782

My anxious attachment style fucking ruins everything.

Anonymous 97900


took the words right out of my mouth. a relationship takes two. it can only do good when you assess the situation and ongoings from both ends, not only yours

Anonymous 97916

Kind of liked this guy
He added me to instagram from 4chan and eventually we started talking on Snapchat.
Today he messages me this “ Hey im probably not going to respond to u as much over the next few weeks” “ Im gonna have to delete Snapchat just cause of college work”
He’s totally bullshitting me, isn’t he?

Anonymous 97922

Maybe ask him if there is a way you contact him elsewhere, if he doesn't give an email, discord, or phone number then maybe he is bullshitting you but idk, try first.

Anonymous 97927


I don’t really know
We leave in different time zones and I know a couple of days ago he woke up late for his alarm…so maybe I’m just distracting him too much and he needs to focus on his school work…?
I didn’t really ask anything.. I just went full Pearl and asked if I did something wrong and he hasn’t answered and I think he may be asleep but idk :/

Anonymous 97934

>He added me to instagram from 4chan
>He’s totally bullshitting me, isn’t he?
Yeah, what the fuck does one thing have to with another. Sounds like a great opportunity for you to stop talking to him without notice.

Anonymous 97935

I'm of the opinion that he could very easily just offer you an alternative contact right away. That is, if he wanted to.

Anonymous 97939

How do I know if my bf is a narcissist™ or displeased with the relationship or otherwise temporarily giving it lower priority?

He's always brownnosing new acquaintances and treating old boring friends like crap. I can't help but feel jealous since he's always got one new female friend he's paying a ton of attention to. He'll come home and say he's tired and needs "time alone" which means a 6 hour discord call with the New Friends who get to hear his feminist ally/party boy/pro gamer voice that he's always adjusting to make the best impression. It's a little sickening to me how hard he's posing but I guess people have trouble being sincere with those they don't know well.

He invites me to all the parties with the New People but while I'm there he may outright pretend I don't exist and stare at the new hot girl the whole night. I hate those parties but I go because I'm jealous and scared of what he might do if I don't watch him. That's on me though, not on him.

And while I get insecure about the New Hot Girl he never actually does anything with her and just discards her for a new one when he gets bored. I've been living with him for years, I don't know why I feel so insecure and threatened. How do I know if this is all inside my head and I need to get a grip, or if he's shitty or just different from me?

Anonymous 97944

>He's always brownnosing new acquaintances and treating old boring friends like crap.
That's one of the bigger redflags for narcissism. The normal psychological order for the human male is to overvalue close mates / bros due to identifying with their male band as something close to a cross between a sports team, political organization and a family. The narcissist inverts this social order due to the overvaluation of Primary Narcissistic Supply which is affirmation that seems to come from the world itself, the adulation of crowds, versus Secondary Narcissistic Supply which comes from a specific person whose needs, values and vulnerabilities have been made known to the narcissist. The narcissist sees sources of secondary supply in terms of "what can you do for me," but sees primary supply as "what do I mean and how valuable am I, to everyone, forever," an ultimate ego trip.

Anonymous 97946


>a narcissist™ or displeased with the relationship or otherwise temporarily giving it lower priority

Anonymous 97948

>Dating a pisscord user…
nona, run pls…

Anonymous 97963

That felt bad to read. So if he really is one and I want to stay I'll be stuck in this dynamic forever, feeling used and B-listed and watching him bend over backwards kissing fresh ass while ignoring those I thought were his loved ones.
But there's really no way to find out whether he is like that, is there? I remember reading somewhere that a narcissist may see narcissism as a positive and not deny it if asked outright but I've been scared to bring it up.

>what do I mean and how valuable am I

>what can you do for me
It's funny that I can pinpoint when I dropped from the primary group into the secondary. It's been so long and I'm still constantly surprised with how little he cares about my good opinion, and how much about what I'm doing for him.

Well if he was just throwing a fit he might eventually bounce back from it

It's hard to find millennials who don't use social media. Is Discord really worse than Instagram/Snapchat/Tiktok? At least he isn't a coomer

Anonymous 98055

He messaged me on instagram again.. idk I told him I finished this book I was reading and he asked me what it was about. So before I went on the spill. I asked if he actually cared or if he was just being nice and he said both. I use to try to tell my ex about books I was reading and he would tell me he wasn’t interested in it before I even finished my first sentence or just kind of shit on it. So it feels kind of nice for someone to listen even if he may just be pretending.
Not every guy from 4chan is that bad it kind of depends on the board

Anonymous 98062

how else to meet decent guys?
only ones who still go out irl are all toxic assholes

Anonymous 98095

How do I find an unvaxxed guy?

Anonymous 98097

Do you think that friendship is able to survive when one is pretty much in love with the other? I don't want to lose our friendship but sometimes it hurts to know we never will be together.

Anonymous 98103

Try mental hospitals, white power marches or religious cults.

Anonymous 98117


When the 6/10 male is begging you to come over to have sex but you just matched with the 10/10 masc lesbian

Anonymous 98124

If you get to know somebody with similar values to you they probably won't have taken the untested medical trial. It's becoming acceptable to admit you still haven't had one and are fine so a good guy might be willing to admit it to you.

I still said no to the juice when my job was putting pressure on me, if enough people just say no then pushing stuff like the vax won't be so bad. They can't fire everybody. This works with many types of attempts to cancel people.


Anonymous 98129

Are you a troon?

Anonymous 98132

Nta but I know real weeb women who like this character.
Not every woman nor every lesbian is the pinnacle of radfem.
Congrats, anon!

Anonymous 98153

No lol just not a radical feminist like chillll
Thank you
Sheeeessss so cute

Anonymous 98161

I would just like to know what happened to dating. The nicest a guy has been to me all month and I met him from 4chan. Wtf?!?
Like he called me grand and cute and he’s not hideous, he’s actually like really hot. When I said I didn’t wanna send nudes he didn’t try to push me like normie guys do. He didn’t get weirded out when I said I wanted to be his trad wife and just played along. Genuinely asked me about the book I was reading. How has normal dating become so watered down that social outcasts are better to date?

Anonymous 98183

>has normal dating become so watered down that social outcasts are better to date?
That's an interesting thought

Anonymous 98260


I've reconnected with an old friend and apart from the first time we hung out where he got very drunk and tried kissing me after I drove him home things have been peachy. He's introduced me to his group which are a good bunch. The last gath we were at though we spoke in private for a bit and he told me that a lot of the group thinks we're going out or at least are crushing on each other. I've made it clear that we're friends and he's told me he knows that there's nothing more than that, but he's frustrated that everyone else doesn't get it and that a few of the guys are trying to get him to admit it to them or to make a move on me. No one's said anything to me other than one of the other girls telling me that a different guy was into me.
Anyway, I'm not looking for anything at all at the moment. I'm very happy with where I am and do believe that right time right place there will be something that I want to pursue but that's not right now. EXCEPT UNTIL LAST NIGHT where I had a very cuddly and sensual dream involving my old friend. Once it ended my half-asleep self thought we could just start being FWB which I simultaneously don't want but also… maybe??? I think I'm just really touch starved, like I don't want a sexual relationship with anyone but I would actually kill to hold or be held

Anonymous 98277

Not at all, you didn't do anything wrong. Their opinions aren't important anyway so don't pay mind to them.

Anonymous 98281


My recommendation is to cut everyone calling you a bitch out of your life.

You are young now and still have a big social circle, but when you grow older, the circle will shrink. It is best to decide now who are real friends and who are "friends".

Cut the "friends" out of your life. You don't need sociopaths throwing banana peels in your way.

Anonymous 98292

I mean if relationships and actual dating isn’t the norm anymore does that mean it becomes the norm for the ostracized?

Anonymous 98318

as long as you didnt act on it while u were in a relationship youre fine. if someones being shitty to you its their fault if you end up falling for someone else.
i had a rly similar situation but flipped where i was lonely after a breakup and started crushing on this guy who i later found out had a gf. she ignored him constantly and always stood him up until they broke up, i got drunk and told him i liked him like 3 days later and we ended up together but now his ex who i was also kinda friends with wont talk to me anymore and has ghosted me everywhere

Anonymous 98320

i cant help but feel like im settling but my current bf is by far the best bf ive ever had. wtf is wrong with me?
hes not the hottest guy ive ever dated and were around the same height which i think are 2 big reasons but hes the only guy ive dated thats not a misogynistic coomer
ive almost left him for multiple guys at this point but i never get the confidence to cut off what i have.

Anonymous 98354

How do you justify leaving him for someone else in those moments that you almost have? Are his physical traits the only reasons? Also, how long have you been dating him? It seems like a decently common thought for those who have just moved past the honeymoon phase.

Anonymous 98357

were coming up on 3 years and its mostly off a bunch of little things that add up to make me feel less confident in the relationship. then ill meet a new person who prolly has the same or just different problems that i havent found out yet and they seem more palletable is all. he just seems rly disconnected sometimes like he'll say he cares abt me but its clear what he values when it comes down to making any sacrifices, also hes kind of a bum and ive been supporting him off whatever money i make online for the majority of our relationship. he also gets rly childish when i try to like push him on any of these things, he will just shut down and look at the floor and only give 1 word responses. i just get scared cuz i felt like i wasnt worthy of love for a while and im scared if i cut off the one guy who i think really does love me i wont ever find that again. also he like doesnt want kids with me which i really do and i havent been able to change his mind on it yet.
idk i just keep getting scared that if i keep waiting for him to fix all my problems with him and he never does it will be too late for me to find someone else, i turned 25 not too long ago and ppl are already calling me old often and i feel gross and worthless

Anonymous 98358

rofl you are not old. I'm turning 31 and I am not old. But I do wish I'd done more in my 20s to have my shit figured out by 30…so if you think 30 is old, youve got 5 long years to figure out if this guy is the one.

And I wouldn't like if my partner always shut down and acted childish…communication is so important

Anonymous 98359

yeah its prolly my biggest problem with him, 90% of our arguments are either him asserting something he thinks as the truth even if i know or have evidence of him being wrong, or shutting down completely like that. i dont know what to when when he gets like that, i always seem to have this issue with my bfs too, i broke up with my ex because he was too childish. i started to think maybe it was me being too harsh because of how often i have this issue with them but it still seems justified to me rn.
and i know im not old, im sry if i made you feel bad abt it, im just still in college as i had to take some time off when i moved across the country so im surrounded by 20 year olds who gasp when they hear my age and tell me things like "i dont look my age" when im literally 3 years older than them or something lol

Anonymous 98372

>has normal dating become so watered down that social outcasts are better to date?
It's a nice thought - that there could be some secret treasure trove of sweet guys just waiting to be discovered, but I don't think it's real. The 'good men' haven't gone anywhere, they're not in hiding, they're not nervously sitting around hoping to be noticed, they're just gone. Plane and simple.

Anonymous 98373

Bf is sad I don't enjoy video games

Anonymous 98374

some sweet guys are single just because they're shy. they're more common than you think

Anonymous 98384

Not common enough for me to find one.

Anonymous 98386

>there's sweet single guys everywhere! they're all just shy!
i want to believe
this - even if these guys are out there and even if they're common, how would you even find these guys if they're too shy/anxious/whatever to go out after you?

Anonymous 98390

Is it abuse if my bf only hits me with soft objects…? Like tonight he got mad at me and hit me with a stuffed animal a bunch across my face and head and then threw it but was still mad so he pulled the pillow that was underneath me and started hitting me with that. I know it doesn’t hurt but he hits me as hard as he can and it kind of stuns me.
All I did was get disappointed that he didn’t wanna have sex with me. (He said it’s because he didn’t feel good but I think he’s just lying but I didn’t say that. I just got like a sad tone of voice and it just like triggered him)

Anonymous 98391

I genuinely don’t understand what I did wrong. He told me he hated me a bunch and now he’s crying and saying how I don’t love him. All I did was say okay bunch and tell him not to break my shit when he punched the wall.

Anonymous 98394

Idk he’s kind of really cold and mean like he’s super nice maybe 25% of the time
He wouldn’t even let me come to bed. I tried and he said he wasn’t gonna do this makeup shit rn and I said I was just coming to bed. To which he replied he was gonna sleep on the couch then. But I knew if he did that when he woke up uncomfortable that was also gonna be my fault so I guess I’m just gonna sleep on the couch:/ so that’s cool. I didn’t do anything or say anything. I just said okay a bunch and that I was disappointed and he blew up on me cause I didn’t believe him and blah blah. He’s right I don’t because I think he’s a narcissist and lies about that kind of stuff to get out of things he doesn’t wanna do and to get attention. But I didn’t say that I didn’t even hint at it. I just said okay that’s fine.

Anonymous 98396

That's like asking if it's abuse if they don't leave a mark.
Abuse isn't just physical, it's mental too - even if it doesn't hurt if it makes you scared of him and makes you feel unsafe then yes, it's abuse.
He sounds like a real piece of shit, not gonna lie nona.

Anonymous 98397

You can tell it makes you feel bad and that he has repressed anger. So yeah, this can be considered as abuse.
I would be careful since that type of behavior can lead to serious physical abuse.
If you don't feel like leaving him, at least try to make him go to therapy.

Anonymous 98400

even if you think its not this is still a sign of problems that prolly wont just go away. its just a matter of time before he gets mad enough to hit you with something harder, just dont go too easy on him if he does ok?
also scrotes are super dense so you have to be rly direct and upfront with them, when you do stuff like sound sad or just say okay a bunch they just get even angrier as they cant figure out how you feel because they have no emotional intelligence

Anonymous 98409

>Someone told me that once you're dating in your 20s, make a list of everything you want in a guy and don't accept anything less.
What's on your list?

Anonymous 98411

>and i havent been able to change his mind on it yet
Sorry to be a bummer but if someone doesn't want to have kids even if you somehow force them to or convince them with time most probably they won't be a good parent and you will be left with all the job around the kid.

Anonymous 98412

He’s making me literally go insane like I feel fucking crazy. Like he pushes me to this angry point and I wanna just rip my hair out. Then acts like this abused puppy. Like I asked him to save me some water in my bottle. Which turned into a literal thing. About how I think he’s a selfish asshole and forces me to apologize to him. Which wasn’t good enough so I had to say sorry again and again. Then he still just kept going and finally I just screamed for him to shut up. It was water. It wasn’t a big deal. I wasn’t insinuating anything. I just wanted to make sure I had some water left. I wanna cry I’m so frustrated. Like did I do something wrong by asking that?

Anonymous 98413

At this point I don’t wanna another bf, I don’t want anything. I just wanna be alone. I literally daydream about living in a big apartment all by myself and taking care of myself and I don’t have to tip toe around anymore. I don’t have to hold my breath every time I say or do anything. I can finally just breath and not feel so crazy all the time.

Anonymous 98414

And the worst thing is a say something like save me water and then he will say the most vile things to me when he’s angry and never really apologizes and just says he stands by it because he had a right to be angry.

Anonymous 98419

Uh… I don’t think whether you did anything wrong is the question here. Even if you did something ‘wrong,’ he should communicate that to you in a mature way as opposed to forcing you to apologize to him over and over. A healthy person wouldn’t react that way to anything. I understand if he was mad or annoyed, but you can express that in many ways besides hitting someone with a stuffed toy or throwing a fit about it. It’s your relationship, but personally I wouldn’t put up with something like that.

Anonymous 98427

Found out that I’m pregnant today. Before that I was telling my boyfriend I missed my period and shit. I couldn’t tell if he was joking when he said I would be a great mother. A single mother. When I told him I was pregnant he fake punched my uterus and asked when’s baby killing time. I booked an appointment for an abortion soon. I feel all over the place.

Anonymous 98432

yea. He is not handling it well. I love him so much. But he’s a selfish fucking prick. I shouldn’t cry over a man so much. Yet here I am still head over heels as he’s slowly breaking me down. I’m scared to tell his mom because I know damn well she would get really excited for the news, but her own son doesn’t want it, and that would really hurt her (I love that woman so much). He keeps repeating to me that if women have the choice to have an abortion, men also have the choice to abandon their baby mama and kid.

Anonymous 98434

then he should've worn protection :) he chose to cum in you, you didnt choose to fertilize his mistake!!

Anonymous 98449


I love my boyfriend soooooo much!!!! I’m in class right now and all I can think about is him. He’s so cute, sweet, kind, handsome, lovely, and overall amazing. He has the cuuuutest smile and the most beautiful voice to fall alseep to. He puts in his all to make me happy and I try to do the same for him back. I love the way he always makes me feel so safe with him. He’s so comfy to be around too and I wish I could just kiss him right now. I hope we get married as soon as we can :3

Anonymous 98515

I love my bf but sometimes living with him drives me crazy. Im a huge people pleaser and I always feel like I'm bending over backwards to help people when they need it but I rarely get the same treatment in return, even with my bf.
Recently hes been doing this thing where if I'm ever doing something like for example cooking for him and its "my turn" or whatever, I do all of the prep, cooking, and cleanup as I should. But when its "his turn" which is basically never as its like pulling teeth to get him to do something, but even when he actually goes to cook, he wants to split it all 50/50 and I end up doing most of the work while he sits on his phone or something.
Its the same with like any chore in the house, he just puts it off until I do it and if I ask him to do it for me he cries and moans until I help him by doing 90% of it for him

Anonymous 98523

>Met this guy from 4chan
>Kinda of like him, he lives really far away tho
>we talk every day but he’s busy with school I guess.
>I just kinda of get the feeling he doesn’t like me the same way
>time to never speak to him again:/
I just can’t deal with being hurt or coming of too clingy or anything so yeah I’m just not gonna talk to him again. I don’t get crushes often and it’s kind of a big deal when I do. But he’s probably not very in to me and probably only talks to me cause he can’t girls around him. It is what it is I guess. There’s plenty of guys around me who want me or just guys in general. I just really wanted him.

Anonymous 98524

Don't sabotage yourself.

Anonymous 98525


I just don’t think he likes me the same way. Like he thinks I’m hot but he doesn’t like think about me ya know? I feel so dumb

Anonymous 98532


>fall deeply in love with the internet moid
>lives nearby
>date for a few months
>i think its good and the feeling is mutual
>break up
>see his reddit account where he has made a post detailing how he never felt love for me
>says only his abusive ex from several has ever made him feel love and he hasn't felt it since
>want to die because of the internet moid

when we initially broke up he said it was due to the distance and his schedule being busy from and that he wanted to remain friends for now. i was stupid enough to believe this until i saw the post. it's strange because he was extremely kind to me and even told me he loved me at one point. i don't know how to cope. i think about him constantly now and i have been crying for days. literally have never met a man like him before, he was perfect to me. he wasn't a perfect person but to me he was ideal. i wish i could have made him love me lol.

how do i cope

Anonymous 98534

Make a Reddit burner account, screenshot every time he said he loved you, make it into a collage, then reply to his Reddit post with the collage image along with "You are a liar at best and a monster at worst. You don't deserve happiness, (his real name)."

Anonymous 98536

>He keeps repeating to me that if women have the choice to have an abortion, men also have the choice to abandon their baby mama and kid.
They made abortion illegal again where I live, so I would love to know his bastard thoughts on such a ruling. Not even a choice for me so I don't fuck men and it's literally their own fault they get no sex.

Anonymous 98628

I'm in a homeless shelter right now and it's all full of boomer men who smell like stale beer and meth grannies except for me and a small handful of others. I made friends with two guys who were friends before I got here and the cute one keeps giving me mixed signals. Like he'll tell me I'm pretty or beautiful sometimes and kinda seems like he's flirting over text messages but in person doesn't like to make eye contact and seems triggered by me getting too close to him. I talked to his friend today about it, and apparently his friend tried to play cupid and told him to make a move on me which seemed to piss him off and now he's avoiding both of us. His friend and I were smoking outside afterward and I said "I guess that's rejection, right?" to which he replied "no, he's full of shit, he's into you 100% but a little shy"

What do you do in a scenario where you like a guy but it's 50/50 whether he likes you back, s? His friend told me to text him "hotel?" and wait for a response which sounded funny but I learned the hard way as an awkward middle schooler to not make moves on a guy unless you're 100% positive he's into you.

Anonymous 98637

>literally considering dating someone in a homeless shelter

Anonymous 98638

We both have the exact same story how we got here: dysfunctional autistic retards who got hooked on meth and were disowned by our whole families that don't care that we're clean. I'm in no position to feel superior to anyone here, and our story could be like the beginning of that one Tracy Chapman song "fast car", where two young homeless people help each other build themselves back to the top and fall in love along the way. He did mention a couple days ago that he's getting his driver's license soon and unlike the guy in the song actually has a full time job aha..

Anonymous 98639


how to know if your relationship has simply become comfortable (coming on a year soon) or if you are settling. i’m 21 about to be 22 and while i’m content with my boyfriend and he is perfect on paper.. i can’t help but have the slight feeling its only working so well out of convenience and comfort… i’m aware this is a selfish thing to ponder..

Anonymous 98654

could you explain a little bit more? I'm not sure what exactly you're asking nona

>i can’t help but have the slight feeling its only working so well out of convenience and comfort

Would you rather have it not be working well? From what Im reading it just sounds like you've finally found someone to date who isn't causing problems and you aren't used to it. Unless theres more to it…?

Anonymous 98656

i've felt this way before and still regret today leaving who i thought i was settling with. but every situation is different. you say that he's perfect on paper but you're scared that you're settling. what about him is imperfect off paper that is leading you to believe that? it's easy to confuse compromising with settling. have you brought this feeling up to him?

Anonymous 98671

yeah i was going to mention that maybe i'm not used to stability/being with someone with such pure intentions. >>98656 i think another factor is that he is simply not what i had envisioned my future partner to look or be like… i suppose its only vanity standards he doesn't meet. and i wish he was funnier.. i don't recall the last time he's made me laugh…..at all… ever? but he is kind and generous and shows humility and is pretty reserved and responsible. sigh idk.

Anonymous 98673

what did you envision your future partner to look/act/be like? how would you describe your current partner in comparison? its helpful for me sometimes to make an actual pros and cons list. what is he lacking that makes you feel like he is unsuitable to be a long-term partner? are you unhappy in the relationship sexually and/or emotionally? and do you think these emotions that you are feeling in the present could be the result of an outside force?

Anonymous 98675

i feel shallow saying my bf doesn't fit what i had envisioned looks wise. butttt, for the sake of comparison.. i really wanted a skinny, awkwardly tall guy.. at least 5'10? that was my main wish look wise. my ex though was 5'10 or 5'11 and a bit chubbier and i didn't ever feel like i was lacking these ~skinny lanky bf feels~.. i wanted someone who was a music nerd like me nd liked a few niche artists.. someone who was somewhat into philosophy or at least pondered topics on a semi-philosophical level..also really wanted someone funny.. funny>looks. my current partner is 5'9 and has a semi athletic build. while he acts "up to par" with what i had envisioned in my ideal partner, he is not very funny.. like .. at all?? idk. i don't think he has ever made me laugh at all actually. he is quite bland. and he does not have much interest in music. he listens to old classic boomer hits………agggh. i mean he is suitable to be a long-term partner in the sense that he is legit husband material. but god i can't put my finger on what it is the relationship is lacking. i've been sexually unhappy in basically every relationship i've been in because im more attracted to girls sexually and im on an SRNI. emotionally in terms of the relationship, im content. i wouldn't say im HAPPY? happy seems a bit unachievable. i will say that i haven't posted him on social media just bc of how non ideal he looks compared to anyone i've ever been with. god i know that's shitty. but thinking back i'd post my ex with no hesitation just out of admiring him. but i just could not do that with my current bf. possibly he is just too normie. but he has a strict career and i don't think he can grow his hair out or do much to his look. social media isn't a big deal but i know it's bothered him a bit i haven't posted him once in the year we've been together…

Anonymous 98676


Is he really that ugly that you're scared to post him over the entire year you've been together?

Anonymous 98677

orrr you could just meme each other into doing meth again. if you want to live the life of a functional person you should hang out with functional people. who even introduced you to meth? was it a moid?

Anonymous 98679

your ideal bf is literally my bf, but alas he’s a brokie. he still pays for literally everything though because I’ve gotten to the point where I just can’t be convinced that a moid loves me unless they lose something materially by being with me

Anonymous 98680

im not saying that you're invalid for thinking these things, but it really seems to me as an outsider to this situation that you're trying to find every possible reason besides yourself to blame for the relationship feeling off. you've mentioned his height, his weight, his looks, his personality, his lack of humor, you've compared him to your ex (you've been dating him a year already?), and even his music taste, but you've described yourself as feeling comfortable, emotionally content, and you seem to recognize his positive qualities and the benefits of his partnership. you said that you aren't used to stability in a relationship. is the stability you're experiencing bad? is this what is making you feel like something is off? or is there something else that you're still yet to discover/explore about yourself that could be sabotaging what appears to be a beneficial and potentially long-term relationship with a supposedly decent, supportive moid?

you mentioned that you already feel like you're settling. are you already imagining yourself with others? or talking to others? i really advise you to not jump the gun here if you haven't set in stone that you're ending things with your current partner. because if you suddenly rediscover what made you fall in love with him in the first place and this does last then that guilt will haunt you.

Anonymous 98693

have to agree with >>98680
it sounds like you're trying really hard to invent problems here - he's an inch shorter than your ideal, he likes different music, and he's not that into philosophy - are these really make-or-break things for you in a relationship or are you just trying to find excuses to end things because you've got it in your head that you're 'settling' and are freaking out about it?

Anonymous 98705

Functional people have bullied and rejected me my entire life, especially as an adult without a college degree working blue collar jobs. I grew up in an upper class household and had been taught since I was young that my family and their social circle are "superior" to the white trash they tried forcing me not to become, yet white trash folks are the only people who treat me like a human being. I really don't care if you disprove of drug addicts or homeless people, take the wedge out of your ass because your judgemental sperging has nothing to do with my question.

Anonymous 98707

I’ve been talking to this guy for almost a month now. He lives pretty far away but I think he’s perfect. He’s so cute and like has these thick muscular thighs and arms. He’s smart and kind of emo but not where he dresses all emo. All in all he’s just like kind of ughhhh, ya know? Anyways he doesn’t want me to shave down there, which is fine with me. I asked him if he liked other body hair and he said no not really. Well now he doesn’t want me to shave anything. Unless like I ask him… is he trying to make it so I can’t have sex with other men?

Anonymous 98722


How do I start a female led relationship?

Anonymous 98726

That's disturbing. He's trying to control you. Leave immediately.

Anonymous 98728


They're going to immediately think of those one sided open relationships and think you're going to do something horrible to them.

Anonymous 98731

How can I find a moid who won't think this?

Anonymous 98732

That's it. I hate men. I'm going to search for a political lesbian platonic partner from now on. Because you won't man up and tell me what you want for fuck's sake. Tired to the point of exhaustion with you brushing me off while you occasionally hint at shit then take it back, along with your friends telling me you're into me. Christ.

Anonymous 98736


I want a beautiful bf.
I hate men with all my heart so every time they trigger me they just reinforce my desire to only care about looks and nothing else.

Anonymous 98739

I have no idea. I don't even understand how a relationship like that would start, maybe you explain you're good with finances and he just brings you money every other week to make sure the lights stay on?

Anonymous 98742

>become chad
things that never happened

Anonymous 98745

Sometimes I wish cc were active enough to have an archive showing deleted posts because I'm positive whoever that was, was replying to me

Anonymous 98763

I’m in a relationship like this right now and basically it’s not that great because all the responsibility and burden of decision making is on me with zero input from my partner, he’s just a yes man

Anonymous 98766

Same. It's far easier to tolerate their bullshit if they at least look nice. If they can't have a beautiful soul&heart then they need to have a beautiful body&face.

Anonymous 98768

But is that /really/ caring about looks and nothing else? I think it's downright healthy. It's good to be self aware, a bit insecure, and not prone to obscene unhealthy entitlement.

Anonymous 98775

I don’t mind it much. For like the last two years or so I’ve been in control. I had to like make all the first moves and basically play mother with guys. It’s nice that someone wants to be in charge. Plus it’s just body hair. He’s been like kind of distant though or at least it feels that way. :/

Anonymous 98781


Question for anyone

How do I even go about initiating sex or being flirtatious with a new potential partner? I went through a breakup of a long term relationship a few months ago, and since I was so used to what it was like to be with him, I haven't had to feel nervous about sex and flirting etc in a long time. But now I have somewhat of a new possibility and whenever flirting occurs I always freeze up and get super nervous. I also have no fucking idea how I would get to the point of sex with someone again without internally panicking like a retard and putting it off as long as possible out of nervousness.

Anonymous 98783

Does he do the chores?

Anonymous 98786

>I also have no fucking idea how I would get to the point of sex with someone again without internally panicking like a retard and putting it off as long as possible out of nervousness.
Don't have sex with anyone until you feel comfortable. If you feel like you will never get to that point then you should probably work through that before getting involved with someone. Or just put it off until you feel ready and if they are a good person they will understand.

Anonymous 98808

Yeah I tell him to do things and he does it no questions asked

Anonymous 98809

Sounds like the prefect relationship, to be honest.

Anonymous 98816

I went through a horrible breakup out of a 6 year relationship (and I was dumped). I ended up getting into a relationship with someone 3 months later. Everyone, including me, assumed it'd be a rebound because it was so (comparatively) soon after but I legitimately thought he was cute and was like "fuck it why not" (I had also never seen a dick aside from my ex's so I was curious). Firstly he initiated sexual activity and secondly I was super excited for it so it happened naturally. That period of time right after I got dumped was probably the most psuedo-BPD I've ever been in my entire life, so maybe the unusual impulsivity helped it not feel awkward. In any case, I think the punchline here is if you're actually ready to have sex the excitement will overpower the awkwardness (and also he should probably initiate it).

Anonymous 98817

(oh and it's been 2 years and we're still together)

Anonymous 98864

I genuinely love my bf so much and I know he loves me too. However I'm currently recovering from am ed and gaining weight and I'm so afraid he'll stop finding me attractive once I reach my set point weight, which I already know is on the chubby side. He assured me he'd still love me but he has never seen me in a bigger body so I fear his mind will change then. I'm literally so scared.

Anonymous 98867

So nonas I have this one male friend who’s kinda hot and funny and I sometimes dream of him. Like last night I dreamt that he came over and we hugged and laughed and he proceeds to get close to me and I just kiss him. I had a great time in the dream but I remember also feeling guilty because of course I have a boyfriend.
Another time I dreamt that we were hanging out together sightseeing and I just couldn’t help but kiss him as well.
What do all these dreams mean? Does this mean I’m not 100% devoted to my bf? Because I do love him, a lot. But I do have doubts about if he’s really the one for me.

Anonymous 98878


Nonas, where do I go to find guys who have no social media? Whenever I like a guy, I go through his Instagram likes and find out he follows Instagram models whose posts are all bikini pics. Either that or they’re a fan on Jordan Peterson, Andrew Tate, or lurk other incel-rampant sites (reddit, discord). I once found this white guy’s Twitter and found him tweeting slurs (this was years ago, but still). For context, I am a woc.

Even TikTok and YouTube are no longer safe. They’re poisoning the mind of youths with “gold-digger” content and “she’s for the streets” verbiage.

Basically, I’m over guys who use social media. Preferably, I want to be with a guy who has absolutely no Instagram at all. That’s the worst one, in my opinion. Where shall I find these guys?

Anonymous 98880

Stop pursuing fuckboys and youll lose this problem

Anonymous 98883

You're probably the only one who can answer what the dream meant for you. You can try to analyze it for yourself, think how the dream made you feel. Maybe it is related to you not being sure whether your bf is the right one for you. Maybe you're attracted to some qualities of your friend and you feel like you need them at your life. Maybe seeing your friend IRL could clear it up.0
I had a similar experience, I'm single but once I've had a similar dream about a married friend. At first I got scared because "What the hell? He's married? Am I actually attracted to a married man?" but then I realized it's probably just some qualities of his that I've felt attracted to, a big strong and caring guy who is stable and is capable of having a happy marriage is attractive and there was also a feeling of being special enough to overshadow someone as great as his wife and feeling like I need something like this to feel special just shows my low self-esteem and self-worth. So I think that's what's the dream meant for me. You can try to analyze it this way as well, focus not on the events but what could they've been
representing for you . When I've met up with the guy IRL I did feel very relieved because of not actually feeling any romantic/sexual attraction towards him. I think my brain just got attracted to some of his qualities and merely choose the image of this guy as a vessel for it because dreams are kind of random in general.

Anonymous 98904


If I could have everything my way I would spend every waking moment with my boyfriend, not even talking or doing anything, I just crave physical company. But we don't get to see each other that often and I find that whenever we're not together I feel very restless and sad, always thinking about him and missing him. He tells me that I shouldn't develop an u dependency for him and that I should make sure I have other people in my life as well which I agree with, but that doesn't change the fact that he will always be special to me and that no one can replace the comfort and happiness I feel with him. But still I can't help but feel childish and selfish for demanding so much of his time and attention when I should probably be more independent.

Anonymous 98906

Last year I got into a relationship. He has been supportive, kind, sweet, hasn't been pushy when it comes to sex (he doesn't know, but I am still a virgin) and he's a great bf in general, without any doubt the best that I've had.
Only problem is that I don't feel like I love him. I got into the relationship thinking I could develop love for him, but it hasn't been the case. I'm already feeling like I'm wasting my time. I care about him and have a good time, but I don't feel anything intense for him, almost like he is a friend instead of a bf.

Anonymous 98907

I have no advice for you, because this is my fear. In any of my short lived relationships, I started because I liked them, but I never got to where I loved them. No one I ever felt right saying I Love You to.

So I hope some Nonas can help us out…like does one NEED to feel that love at first sight or itll never happen? This shittiness of mine has hinded my dating and made me scared to use apps again.

Anonymous 98908

I'm sorry for you, because I know it sucks.
I'm no expert because this is my longest relationship so far (1y4m), but I think all relationships start with infatuation and after a certain time it's gone and that's I guess when we can get an idea of how we truly feel about that person.
In my case I think it has been way too long. I know it's not a crazy amount of time, but it should be enough for me to feel something more intense for him.
Sometimes I wonder if not having sex yet plays a role on that, but I don't want to do it without feeling something first for that person.

Anonymous 98909

I'm so sleep deprived that I skipped what I wanted to quote. It was this
>like does one NEED to feel that love at first sight or itll never happen?

Anonymous 99006

I love my boyfriend but I don't like him. he doesn't try to boss me around or tell me what to do, but he is clingy, submissive, overly romantic, always wants to cuddle, and his breath smells weird. I would do anything for him because he treats me like a queen but I feel like I relate to him less every day. I miss just being single. He thinks about me all day, meanwhile I spend most of my time thinking about living alone or the art I want to make.

I don't want to break up with him because I care about him deeply. We spend the night with each other once a week but I wish we spent less time together. Like maybe just going out for a little while rather than a whole night. Idk. I also just really fucking hate cuddling and kissing.

Anonymous 99021

How long have you guys been together?

Anonymous 99023

5 months now

Anonymous 99039

You may just not really have as strong feelings for him as you originally thought tbh. If it's only been 5 months and you don't feel infatuated I would say that you probably have love and care FOR him but aren't necessarily in love with him.

Anonymous 99040

So basically..you probably need to break up with him somehow. How would he react if you tried to break up with him you think?

Anonymous 99049

The man i’ve been in love with for the past year turned out to be a sex offender. He jerks off in public. This one time a girl smiled at him in class and he jerked off under the table for 10 minutes…. He is also very much not gay just a sex maniac and deviant so he also jerks off in front of his friends and has sex with his best friend. He’s not reallly gay i think just a sex maniac that would insert it into anyone and anything really. I’m in so much pain. The sad part is that i have no self respect and i might take him back and “accept him” for what he is but to my luck my rationality hasn’t failed on me. When we talked he seemed a bit hypersexual but he gaslit me into thinking that’s how men are. My friends weren’t of much help either bcs they said it’s natural for a man to be sexually aroused around a woman he’s attracted to. Turns out he is a maniac. His best friends are red flags too, all over 20 and date teenage girls like 15 y olds….

Anonymous 99057

trad larp.png

Nonas, I feel a little uncomfortable sharing this because, well, I'm dating one of those "trad" LARPers and I don't think it's a good idea to normalize doing that, but my situation is what it is now and I need advice.
I've only been dating trad guy a little over a month and already he is unironically demanding that I "submit" to him. He makes this demand constantly and at times uses it to silence my opinions, saying that I should submit instead of expressing them. I've asked him what he means by submit and he says that it consists of various wifely duties I must perform for him like cooking and cleaning. I don't know why I owe him wifely duties when we're not even married, he keeps saying that dating is a trial run for marriage and we need to learn to live as a married couple.
Whenever I challenge him on the inherent sexism of demanding submission he just whips out his bible and starts quoting some line that says "wives submit to your husbands." I'm an atheist of Japanese descent, I don't know why he thinks New Testament quotes will resonate with me, but apparently he believes they are the ultimate 'gotcha' that shuts down any dialog.
The fucked up part about all this is he watches porn and keeps trying to have weird kinky sex with me. He was demanding sex from the first date, I didn't allow it until the fourth, and he's never getting the kink stuff, but that doesn't stop him from trying. Give me a break.

Anonymous 99058

And you haven't dumped his ass because…?

Anonymous 99059


Oh nona, he's not even your fiancé or husband or anything yet and he's already demanding "wifely duties"?? If I were you, I would just laugh in his face and say, "When I'm actually your wife and you pay my bills, maybe I'll think about it." Try to set boundaries, be assertive (without being combative) and make it clear that you think this is a load of bullshit, and don't do anything you really don't want in sex. If he can't contain himself with this nonsense, dump his ass

Anonymous 99060

God what is the point, he's just going to Starr hitting you later.

Anonymous 99067

She said she's japanese and he's christian. He's probably a white guy who sees asian women as wife material and wants a submissive asian wife. Japanese women have extreme white fever, so it would take a lot for them to dump a white man

Anonymous 99068

>trad larper
>likely racist
>likely interracial relationship
i'm sorry to say but you fucked up bigly nona. he's not gonna get better and you should dump him, if not for your own sake then for the sake of your future children.

Anonymous 99069

The absolute loser forgets that according to his stupid book he also has to submit to Christ and lay out his life for you and to be such a dependable and safe husband to you that you willingly submit to him because you trust him to keep you completely safe and see no reason not to do it. In other words he can only have love in his heart for you and no ulterior motives. He can't use you to fulfill his needs. He has to be such a good partner that you want to fulfill them. He can never force submission out of anyone and if he tries to, he's using the Bible to control other people. The Bible demands submission from literally everyone, the ego has to die and you have to become the Lord's sheep and live for Him completely. No halfsies.

Anonymous 99070

if he's white it will take a lot more for her to leave him

Anonymous 99072

>bf talking about how men kill themselves every so and so minutes
>fighting the urge to say good

Anonymous 99075

he would be absolutely destroyed for months. i'm his first everything, and he thinks he's going to marry me. i've told him thats bever happening though.

i don't wanna leave because he makes me so happy sometimes.

Anonymous 99082

So I got a gym membership today so I could lose some weight. It’s this small gym that’s open 24hours and they don’t really have anyone there at the front desk except during certain hours(small small town). Which is why I picked it so I could workout when nobody is around. Wait till like it’s almost 10pm to go tonight, hoping no one will be there. Right when I walk in there’s this like super cute boy(fuuuccccck). He like smiles and says hi to me as a walk by and I like kind of whispered it back and scan for the locker room so I can change my shoes and hide. So while I’m hiding in there he leaves and as he’s leaving he shouts bye really loud. I don’t think I can ever go back there

Anonymous 99100

Some great news nonas: I finally worked up the courage to dump this scrote's ass! I did it very informally and over the phone, and just told him that this wasn't going to work out and there was nothing he could do to change my mind and that I did not want him to talk to me in the future even platonically. Shortly after that I blocked him on phone, facebook, and Insta. Thank God I insisted he always take me back to his place lol I would not be comfortable with this guy knowing my address right now.

Anonymous 99109

Attagirl, bullet dodged. Better to be with someone who truly likes you and respects you for who you are and sees you as his equal in companionship and won't try to make you fulfill a role.

Anonymous 99120


Anonymous 99134

On a another episode of all men are trash
>talking to this guy I don’t really like him but he’s cute
>we kind of just message each other off and on. Nothing too serious.
>ask him last night if he wants to hangout
>get this long message about how he has found himself in a relationship but I’m cute and cool and he wishes he made more time to talk to me. We can be friends Blah blah
>still wants to hangout
Like it wasn’t even that serious to begin with but like no I’m not gonna hangout with you still. Go hangout with your gr bro

Anonymous 99143

My boyfriend is gaslighting me about the (lack of) time we spend together so I made an Excel sheet to keep track and it's just depressing.

This month he's spent 55 hours on Discord group calls and 4 hours with me. When I confront him about this he stonewalls me.

I should end it but he's literally my only friend. The only person I know. I can't make new friends because my brain is fully occupied with how miserable and lonely I am. I really don't want to be alone. And it fucks with my head that I'll never know whether he's intentionally manipulating me or if he really is as stupid and selfish as he appears to me. I don't even know which would be worse.

Anonymous 99148

>55 hours on discord voice calls
made me chuckle
what are you doing nona
if you want a low value discord bf you can at least find a desperate one who worships the ground you walk on, what even is this

Anonymous 99180

Do you have a job? Or any friends that you have lost contact with? They may seem like they aren't an option (I was in that position once), but they actually really are, and can introduce you to even more people.

Anonymous 99184

Maybe you should get discord and join him on the calls

Anonymous 99206

I feel like my ex/fwb doesn't really have emotional connection to me despite it being him who suggested to stay friends. It doesn't seem like he hates me or anything but is just pretty indifferent and for him it doesn't matter if im present at his life or not. And I'm too scared to talk at out. It would be unwise to demand emotional connection from a person who doesn't have it in them, but in the end of the day doesn't being fwb imply platonic emotional connection? I really crave it tbh, but I guess it started dawning on me that he's not the best choice for such connection but it's so hard to connect with people and become friends that a part of me still wants to cling onto him despite all the indifference.

Anonymous 99275


My ex for some reason just now sent me a document I left at his house in the mail after five months of him not talking to me at all, should I try to suppress any thoughts of him that are now popping up or does this signify any possible chance of him talking to me again?

Anonymous 99297

What was the document? Was it something that you would need?

Anonymous 99318

like the another anon said, unironically get a part time job. it will give you enough social interaction and perspective to have the courage to break up. it's also a great distraction.

Anonymous 99323


I’m in college junior crushing on and lowkey stalking a (former) senior in high school who is starting college as a freshman at a different university later this year. I have a major crush on him and can’t help but compare myself to the girls he went to high school with. They’re only 2-3 years younger than me but they’re all so pretty and youthful. They’re so good at makeup and have beautiful hair. I once saw him out with a girl. She could’ve just been a friend, which also surprised me because he seemed to be a bit conservative due to his cultural background & religious beliefs. To be fair, he’s never uttered a single word to me, probably because he doesn’t care to have any connection with me. I used to tell myself that it was just because he was “conservative” and that he would prefer to have male friends so seeing him out with a girl really bothered me. This being said, he’s never been rude to me or anything.

I’m not sure if I necessarily put off any potential friends because I haven’t made any female friendships either outside of my roommates. Not to say people don’t talk to me but I would like to experience having a romantic connection to a peer. I’ve tried online dating but never actually met up with anyone. I just want someone I like to like me back. And I really liked him too so that sucks.

Anonymous 99324

Reads like fanfiction but ok. If this is real, please take it somewhere else because most people here are immature, childless, or never even had a romantic relationship.

Anonymous 99325

Honestly, have you ever considered talking with a therapist about it? It sounds like you're not sure what you want out of this relationship, and a therapist might help clear the fog for you.

Anonymous 99335

I mean it was kind of something I would need but I literally ordered a replacement so I had that taken care of in case he wasn't going to send me it, and it's been months and he decides just now to send it.

Anonymous 99337

My bf accused me of ignoring him/cheating him (again) because I slept on my day off. Literally ever since I got a job he just acts like I hate him and just wants me to baby him. He complains I don’t cook for him despite me working more than him. Today he offered to cook for me and I was like yeah just let me shower first. No no you can shower while I cook. So I did that but that was a problem because I abandoned him and I just don’t wanna be around him. At this point he’s right because all he does is complain about me or talk about things he wants to talk about.

Anonymous 99341

good job!

Anonymous 99345

Hate to add a reply with very little value, but:


Anonymous 99374

Are men even capable of loving objectively unattractive women? Men love women mainly for their appearances and looks are a prerequisite for them. So if you're ugly and have a bf I feel like he's just settling for you. Women can definitely find conventionally unattractive men attractive, but not the other way around. I can't imagine a man genuinely finding me physically attractive so what's the point? I had a bf before but after we broke up he said I was actually ugly. When men DO find an ugly woman attractive they are just extremely horny and want sex. But they'll never look at her and fall in love the way they do with Stacy

Anonymous 99383

My relationship is about to end and its all my fault. if there are any single nonas reading: please please be mentally stable before entering a relationship.

Anonymous 99394

The way I see it is, beauty is subjective. I used to think no one could love me but as I got older and had more experience with men I started to realize, while some people don't feel attracted to me or may think I'm weird as hell, others will think I'm very attractive (which sometimes I don't understand at all). And don't think I'm a stacy, because I was born with a birth defect on my face so lol.
The thing I do wonder though, is if men are capable of loving at all. Regardless of if it's stacy or not. I wonder that because it seems like it's nearly impossible for men to not cheat, lie or manipulate women. So, I guess we have yet to discover in life if there is some man out there that can love like we can.

Honestly, I'm about to just date women and nonbinary people because of that shit.

Anonymous 99415

I acknowledge your warning and knowingly disregard it.

Anonymous 99417


Learned it the hard way.

Anonymous 99419

So that's how it's like when Vulcans have relationship problems.

Anonymous 99435


Meanwhile my boyfriend doesn't even like me, and I have wasted my youth yet again with a man who won't marry me.

I'm not even mad. I'm 32 now and have fully committed to never having children.

We sleep in separate beds, he never hugs or touches or kisses me. He walks 10 paces ahead when we are in public. He berates me and makes me feel like shit on a regular basis about pretty much everything - what I wear, my hair, my friends, my lack of friends, my work, when i clean too much or not enough, the way i walk the dog. The way I look sad. The way I pronounce things. He literally told me he doesn't like me the other day.

I'm no longer in pain. I have accepted. I read fanfiction and daydream about fictional men holding me in their arms at night. I create Pinterest boards and amazon lists for children I never had and never will have. I try to fill my life with art and good deeds, and it does fill the void if only for a moment.

I wish he would just dump me already. I'm a placeholder in the relationship, as he waits for the love of his life. I guess I stay because I fantasise about him suddenly inexplicably falling in love with me. Lol. Delusional.

Once he moves on I will be alone for good. I am done with men, besides at my age pretty sure they are done with me too.

Anonymous 99441


LEAVE. and do it fast.

Why did you do this to yourself?
It's only a matter of time before he abuses you if he isn't already.

Not every traditional man is bad or abusive, some are very loving, but one that watches porn and keeps trying to have sex with an unmarried girl is already an abusive hypocrite from the start.

If you care so much for trad values why don't you date in line with traditional values from your own culture instead of a hypocritical version of western ones where he is allowed to fuck around, watch porn, pressure unmarried women and girls for sex, and you have to cook and clean for him?

Anonymous 99469


Thank you for your kind words nona. I have read your comment four times now.

Its hard but if I'm being truthful with myself - I find him very attractive unfortunately, especially physically attractive, which makes it hard to want to leave. He also has good moments where he says all the right things and treats me really well.

A part of me thinks he does love me and I'm being a total schizo. But then, he literally said he doesn't even like me. He told me he doesn't want to have sex with me because of my weight (I am 140lbs 5ft7). I'm dieting hard right now trying to get down to 120. I actually love that he said that because there is no better motivation for me to lose weight.

Maybe I enjoy suffering like this. Gives me a little tingle to feel like a hard done by martyr.
I also enjoy the social validation of being with him. Even if he does walk 10 paces ahead.

What you said about your nan was sweet. She is a lovely lady I am sure and wish her all the best with her man.

Not all ladies are lovely however, muself being case in point. I think some people just don't want to be helped or to help their own situation. I am content being unloved. I wish I were loved, but I understand I may be a little too ugly, a little too picky or a little too mentally ill for this to happen.

I don't think he will marry me, we've been together for 5 years now. He will find a woman he loves and then leave. But I will love him and care for him until the very last day when he does that.

Maybe I'm just in love with melancholy.

Anonymous 99472

for anyone wondering, this is a yizheng ke painting. they make a lot of amazing stuff and its worth checking out :)

Anonymous 99489


Nona, three thoughts on this:

1.) It seems to me you are ready to fall for him and settle down, but feel insecure because you don't know if he is committed to you in the long term. See if you can challenge him to commit to you more. If you agree with me and think this is the cause of the insecurity - just tell him and see if he reacts in a reassuring way and really makes strong signs of commiting to you.

2.) Related to the first point, you two already sound like a married couple in every way except the paperwork. You say you had sex twice a week when it was casual, but that is actually higher than the average for married couples. You have a child together, act like a loving couple and live together. With all these facts, he shouldn't be cagey or apprehensive about commiting to you long-term. If he is, your worries might be right, and he might flip back to being distant again down the line.

3.) I have seen men and women similar to him before. Assuming he is one of the good ones, introverted people tend to act cold to outsiders and much more warm to people that are in their small inner circle. You just happened to slip through his cold exterior and are managed to be one of the few to make an intimate bond with him. His behavioral change thus isn't really that weird - it's what you would expect. The big question is the one you are justifiably worried about - is he committed to this bond in the long-term or not?

Anonymous 99490


I’ve been dating a guy since march 2015 and when I asked him why our dog didn’t have his last name (joke) he got really serious and explained that he just didn’t want to get married. Like, he likes the idea of marriage and thinks it’s important, but he doesn’t want to get married and “doesn’t know why”. Anyway, post times when you loved someone and made stupid choices to stay with them and they just didn’t love you back.

Anonymous 99495

Your post resonated with me, and I am so sorry you are going through this nona. Your last sentence really hit me. I think I am the same way. Beautiful picture, too.

Anonymous 99496

Do you want to get married? 7 years is a long time. If he doesn't want to make you his after such a long time… You deserve better. You deserve a man who loves you.

Anonymous 99515

My bf will probably dump me and I'll regret not leaving sooner. I developed a mystery chronic illness like 2.5 years ago and he never handled it well because it killed my sex drive. You know how men are statistically more likely to leave women when they become sick? That's gonna be me, I'm gonna be part of that statistic. Moids really are incapable of loving something they can't fuck as much as they'd like.

Anonymous 99559

A moid not wanting to get married is a HUGE redflag.
>doesn't know why
He knows why. He doesn't see this relationship lasting. This could mean that he's holding out for someone else or he doesn't trust you not to divorce him.

Anonymous 99562


With people like this, you have to draw a sharp line. They are usually more crazy the kinder you are to them. So you need to be as ruthless and cold to her as possible. You must be clinical and harsh with these people, because they understand no other language

Don't talk to her, refuse all her calls and messages. Find a way to get leverage over her. Any secrets she is keeping from someone that you are aware of? If you are forced to interact with the bitch, threaten to reveal them. If she does anything illegal to you, threaten to call the cops. Be ready to call them for real, too. Be as ruthless and cold to her as possible.

If you ever have interactions with her, be cold and business-like. Be formal and keep a distance. Tell her clearly what the consequences are for any misbehavior on her side. Whatever you do, DON'T be kind or understanding, with her. People like her feed on kindness like mosquitoes feed on blood. Deny the leech her nourishment.

Also, your boyfriend needs to help you with this. Ideally, he should treat her in the cold and ruthless way I just described.

If he doesn't, I am notsaying you have to dump him, but think on what you can do. Maybe your parents can help you get a small apartment of your own? The further you get from the bitch, the better. And even if your boyfriend is great in every other way, having the spine to put this lunatic in her place is also a part of being a great boyfriend. Try to make it clear to him.

Anonymous 99570

Why do you think he doesn't love you back? Some people have trust issues that doesn't mean you're unimportant to them.

Anonymous 99571

I don’t know if I would like a boyfriend or a just friend. There was this one guy I liked but I think I blew it with him. Even if we never would date, I would’ve liked to be friends with him but that’s never happening now. I used to believe in manifesting and spirituality but I’ve lost belief in that these past few months now. I don’t know if it’s my rbf that will put him off. I’ve been starting at myself at different angles, I don’t know if it’s my face, which is fine, if it is. I would still like to have a boyfriend sometime soon even if it’s not him.

Anonymous 99575

I visited r/Crushes and the amount of people talking about their crushes and describing them and how they feel about them is so depressing knowing no one currently feels that way towards me.

Anonymous 99579

>meet someone with similar interests
>he isn't overly liberal (I'm a little bit more conservative than most liberals)
>he has a similar (dark) semse of humor as me
>turns out he's a TIM that is just starting his "transition"
>he seems a lot more reasonable than most people yet fell for an obvious delusion
>I'm developing feelings but I don't want to ever date a troon
I actually think he could detransition if I just talk to him about it and show him resources that explain why transitioning is bad (and insane). He just started, so detransitioning should be easier for him than troons that have been "out" for longer, plus I think he has not been given much affection from friends or family growing up so he's trooning out as a way to boost his confidence and gain more affection. I think if he detransitioned, a relationship could be possible because we share similar interests and goals in life. I don't know what to do. I can't just leave him in his delusions, as I've never been the type to do that to people once I start to get to know someone. I just want to help him but I don't know how. I have always hated troons but I don't know how to argue against transgenderism because I usually just avoid anyone the second that the person tells me they are "trans", but I've known him long enough where I don't want to abandon him. I feel like he was tricked into it, and I want to help him escape it so he can truly feel better about himself and so we could maybe start something more in the future

Anonymous 99580


why does them being trans matter so much lol

Anonymous 99581

people are allowed to have boundaries in dating and for some people they'd rathernot date trans.

Anonymous 99582

I mean that's fine, but she repeatedly talked about how she straight up hates trans people, and states that she is developing feelings for this person, but just because this person is trans, she doesn't want to date them even though she claims to have feelings for them? She might as well just realize she doesn't actually feel attracted to them at that point and just move on, simple

Anonymous 99583

Show him some trans surgeries videos, that usually brings them back to their senses.

Anonymous 99584

Where might one find those videos? Asking for a friend

Anonymous 99589

Make Your Day.jpg

i have severe social anxiety and i stutter so much when i speak to the point where sometime people cant understand me right away. my bf sometimes ignores what i say when im trying my best to form a coherent sentence. i was crying so much few days ago because i was trying to explain to him why i forgot to buy facial tissues but in the middle of it he went to turn off the fan in the kitchen and i was like oh, i didnt finish what i was saying and went to bed. i love him a lot but i just wish he can help me with talking



Female in early 20s, met a guy online who is somewhat of an incel, although he’s hired escorts and started dating in his 30s or something like that (he’s 40 now). Says I’m beautiful and that he loves me but is very secretive, talks to other girls and doesn’t want to be in a committed relationship? Always complains about women and acts like he’s been hurt, complains about difficulties dating etc but isint keen on exclusivity and doesn't seem to care if I talk to other guys. What kind of incel acts like this?? He wouldn’t show me his face + says I could do better than him but also keeping me at a distance? I’ve already ended it with him just want some advice on the thought process behind this behaviour

Anonymous 99646

You are just getting played by the most classical redpill pick up manipulation tactic and he's a typical redpill neurotic scrote. He's "pushing and pulling" you with jealousy inducing to get you (and all those other women) interested. In other words, he wants you all to chase him and train you all to comfort his emotional neurotic mind and made up problems. I don't really have time to explain it to you better, just go on Twitter and find some redpill PUA Tate fan accounts, they easily explain what they do and why in a tweet. And ghost him, I know you posted it because you're confused because it kinda started working on you. Don't be an option for an expired pedo.


It just took me by surprise because those tactics aren’t usually used by men who claim to be incels or struggle with women, he opened up about his experience with rejection and I thought he was sincere. I tend to have quite black and white thinking and I’m struggling to categorise him in my head as this manipulator because he seems to truly have gone through a lot.

Anonymous 99652

Incels very often are mixed with redpill ideology and some end up believing or at least trying to check if their old age would really bring better experience. I'm not saying that his story of getting rejected is fake, as I said he's guilt-tripping on top of using those tactics. Could be even that he genuinely don't care about you all but the effect is the same.


By better experiences do you mean that he dreams of having like a harem of women because “men age like fine wine” etc? This seems strange particularly because he sometimes jokes about how he can’t wait to turn gay (according to a theory that incels eventually become gay/trans after no sex) he also makes a point of saying that he prefers “conventionally unattractive” women eg. Morbidly obese/ older women in their 50s/60s / masculine looking women/ women with high body counts/sex workers… not saying there’s anything wrong with these things but seems contrary to what most men say they want in a woman? He made me feel kind of weird about being a virgin and said that women either have sex or they don’t, and being a virgin puts me in the latter category? He seems to have expanded his criteria of any and every woman that will have sex with him, perhaps to compensate for the quality of women he has prioritised quantity. This non discriminate persona seems to contradict his emotional behaviour, he would say things like “you make me feel like a teenage boy again”, “I want to hold your hand and cuddle” “are you sure you don’t want a strong masculine guy? You’re too good for me 🥺”. If someone has a desire for this type of intimacy/vulnerability then how does that coincide with sabotaging a prospective relationship in exchange for the possibility of having sex with multiple women with varied success?

Anonymous 99655


My relationship feels so dull and I think it's because I'm depressed as shit and don't have the motivation to do anything. How to rekindle our love? What can I do? Please nonas, it's getting so hard each passing day.

Anonymous 99656

Incels when they hit 30 have their hormonal wall, so they become less mad and insufferable, but I would advise holding moids accountable for their past. Just because he appears as some sort of "soft boy", doesn't mean his typical male borderline pedophilic behavior can be excused. He's 20 years older than you.

>If someone has a desire for this type of intimacy/vulnerability

Yeah, wanting to fuck the "jailbait", what a vulnerability… (just because he could be short or have a small dick, doesn't mean he's still a child so entitled to other child which moids often tend to feel)

Also, I doubt he's genuine with those preferences for women…

Anonymous 99661


Still miss my ex and his family. Broke up five months ago (almost six). How do I stop?

Anonymous 99704

IYGAGTW Cover.png

You are fighting an uphill battle. The medical corporations and their cronies, the therapists, and the "science" will all affirm this man's delusions. Some may call you a fool for even thinking about trying to fix this man, but, if you insist on trying anyway, the truth is on your side: transgenderism is insane.
>I don't know how to argue against transgenderism
Here's a free book that will help:
Skip to chapter 4 to see arguments against the concept of transgenderism. Skip to chapter 5 to see interviews with detransitioners who regretted transitioning.

Anonymous 99721


For some reason I keep getting the feeling that my boyfriend just isn't physically attracted to me. I know he is but sometimes I start schizo-ing and feel as if I'm not his type. Nothing current has happened to make me feel like this, he's done some shit in the past but I've been over it for a while so I have no idea why. I want my sense of self confidence back, I just haven't had it for a while. I wish I could feel sexy or beautiful but I just don't see it in myself. How do I fix this? He's amazing and I don't want it to get in between our relationship or think its his fault.

Anonymous 99724

>evidence shows transexualism is neurological disorder which means even if you manage to convince him the fact that hes showing signs means he'll still always want to secretly troon out
What evidence? Some people are groomed into that shit and for others it's a fetish.

Anonymous 99727

>he's done some shit in the past
What did he do?
Honestly, I've been in that position before; my ex would look at egirls, and asian porn and retarded shit, and it really harmed my trust in him and made me insecure for the rest of the relationship. And I still think that's completely on him.

Anonymous 99736

Anonymous 99740

I was over 200 pounds at one point. I’ve since started going to the gym, dropped 70 pounds and am considered fit by most people. I’m starting to date again using dating aops and I find myself preferring fit men over bigger ones. I felt conflicted by this and talked to my friend about it and she called me shallow. Is this shallow?

Anonymous 99770

Wish in one hand, shit in the other…

Anonymous 99773

Yup. That's exactly what I went through. When you talked about how you felt with him, what did he say? Was he invalidating of how you felt at all? Did he get angry with you for being hurt?
Honestly, I feel like the egirl shit overall is a red flag. I hate to say it but you might want to try to keep yourself from getting overly invested and maybe start to think about other options besides him to avoid getting hurt. And if you have any things outside of the relationship you really care about and that make you happy, such as a job, friends, a social hobby, etc, DO NOT give it up for him. (you may get mad at me for saying that you should un-invest yourself in your relationship, since I know when I was in your place, I was blindly in love. But this is the advice I would give myself if I could go back in time.)

Anonymous 99778

I don’t understand how women date older men. I would never want to have sex with an older man. I was just on Bumble and the guys my age are really cute, have hair, are are physically fit.

Sure, they might not have a lot of money but I don’t really expect them to.

Anonymous 99780

Anytime my bf is with his friends he barley texts me and it’s really starting to piss me off. I’m not asking him to be glued to his phone but there’s no way he’s so busy he can’t send a little text every now and then. Is that like unreasonable?

Anonymous 99783


I miss my ex and his family so much ugg someone talk me out of buying alcohol

Anonymous 99811

Maybe? Are you just willing him telepathically to send you a text? or are you sending him texts which he doesn't reply to
if it's the former, I'd say yeah maybe a little bit unreasonable, have you talked to him about this, telling him that you'd like to get a text every now and then, or maybe you could even send the text first, ask him if he's having fun etc.
Communication is crucial here, he might just be unaware about how you feel, best to resolve this misunderstanding, if it's a misunderstanding, calmly and openly

Anonymous 99819

How much older we talking? I mean if you want one of those broccoli hair carbon copy clones with 0 interesting hobbies go for it kek

Anonymous 99820

They can be really nice and caring, something I don't see guys my age being. Also they're wiser and can offer good life advice and deep conversations and it's easier to be direct with them because they're usually more understanding. Also I don't get much attention from guys my age (not from older guys either to be fair but I used to get a bit more attention from them) so it might make me more biased towards liking them.

Anonymous 99821

Don't, nona, alcohol is bad for you. Anything healthier that could cheer you up?

Anonymous 99859

I mean in the end you of course gotta do whatever you are most comfortable and happy with. If you believe you are taking the right course of action continuing with him and working on these things, then that is your choice. And there are many ways to work on self esteem, but a lot of it is going to have to come from working on yourself, by yourself. I just hope that you aren't in a position where you derive all your feelings of self-worth from your relationship. It's fine to spend most of your time together in my opinion, but you also have to have awareness that you have worth outside the relationship in order to even think about improving self esteem, so hopefully you do have that awareness.

Also, I'm just gonna reiterate, please do not isolate yourself or keep yourself out of a job for a relationship. You will regret it regardless of what happens.

Anonymous 99860

Hey, thank you for the response friend. I luckily didn't end up buying alcohol, lol. But in those moments it is hard for me to think of something I could do to cheer myself up. I guess I'll make a list of low-energy things I could do for my future self when I'm sad again:)

Anonymous 100062

There’s this guy from uni who follows me on all of my public social media, my Spotify and other places. I don’t even know how he found me on certain sites because I follow little people (like 10). Certain apps, he could’ve only found me through looking through a mutual’s following list. We haven’t talked much in-person or since I’ve left that university so it just surprised me. We still interact through Instagram stories (likes), comments and DMs.

I don’t know, I have high paranoia, lmao.

Anonymous 100065

actuallydepressed …

Looking for advice about cheating ex I can't move on from. I also posted this in /adv/ larping as a man lol just trying to get as much help as I can
So essentially
>went through a breakup of a two year relationship at the end of January
>mainly because I had no trust in my bf, we started to constantly argue because of that, and at the end, he did some shady shit that leads me to strongly believe he was cheating (like I'm pretty sure i'd be delusional to believe that he wasn't).
>since I have a shitload of mental issues and some deep seated self esteem issues, of course he was able to twist the whole thing in such a way that I felt like I was at fault, even though he fucking cheated lol
>haven't heard from him since the end of january
>I sometimes get anxiety that eventually he will reach out, and since he knows that he twisted my mind at one point to believe that I was the "bad guy", he likely will reach out to me with an angry and harsh tone, to keep me thinking that so he has the upper hand in some way
If he does this, I know I am going to have the urge to get angry back, but that will probably ruin all chances of us ever being in contact in the future, and I'll be honest, I do miss the partnership and companionship we had, and I miss his family very much too.
So how should I respond if he tries to be a dick to me hypothetically? I ask this so I can be prepared in advance bc I know my monke brain will fuck it up if im not.

TLDR if my cheating ex reaches out to me in a harsh and angry way trying to talk again, how should I respond?

Anonymous 100067

This is kind of long buttt
Three or maybe like four years ago I worked at a grocery store. I usually worked till 11. Well during the later part of my shift there was this guy that would come in. He is literally one of the most beautiful men I have ever seen in person. He was super nice and if he saw me checking he would always come through my line and try to make small talk. I was such a spaz, I would barley ever say anything back.
Well a few months ago I started working at this hotel. I actually work the same shift at this hotel as my previous job. Guess who’s staying at this hotel for like the next month? The literal most beautiful man I have ever seen. When I saw him I had to keep my jaw from dropping. He like smiled at me and nodded his head in my direction too. Giiirrrrllllssss am I finally being rewarded :,)

Anonymous 100074

Here's something that's been on my mind recently. The other day, I was hanging out with a friend and some of his old friends, one of which has a gf who was also with us. We were all just talking about whatever when she mentioned that he kept saving videos of cute girls on Tiktok, and we all know why. And she just seemed to accept it? If my bf did that, I think I'd literally kill him. Are all moids like this?

Anonymous 100082

it's so sad how so many girls will accept this in their relationship whilst her boyfriend would probably go crazy if she caught her doing the same.
i think they accept it because so many people think men just "aren't made for monogamy" and you have to give them an outlet somehow

Anonymous 100092


i fuckin hate men bro

I see no reason to trust a man ever again, they are all the fucking same, regardless of what they tell you

Anyways gonna ghost all my male friends now

Anonymous 100093

This post^ was supposed to be a reply to >>100074

Anonymous 100098

He probably hoped you would try and get it back, sending it was a way of making peace with the end of your relationship.

Anonymous 100099

im done.PNG

the bar is so low i just need an aspie bf whose two main interests aren't fucking anime and video games but every single autistic guy who isn't glued to a screen 24/7 is already like 45 years old. theres literally a guy at my job who's exactly the kind of guy i'm talking about and he's also like 45. and sometimes i seriously wonder to myself if i just need to suck it up and just let everybody think i have daddy issues or something because that's the only chance i have at getting a guy who's not either 1) incompatible with me (i am also autistic) or 2) addicted to the internet. i use the internet rarely and i spend most of my time exercising or working so i'm not a hypocrite either. but nowadays aspie guys seek solace on like 4chan or whatever instead of going out and sucking it up. all men born after 1997 only eat hot chip and lie. i was born in the wrong generator and i hate my life also

Anonymous 100123

I did say I wanted a bf and there’s this guy I think is trying to hit on me but not him? He creeps me out but now I feel ungrateful for rejecting someone when I cry about loneliness.

Anonymous 100139

no i'm bad at all instruments

Anonymous 100143

I've been getting hit on everyday this week. I don't think I look any different that usual. Guys have asked me out, made some gross sexual advances towards, asked to fly me out, even been stalked on my way home, had a recently divorced friend ask me out. I'm not happy about some of these things because they're really creepy. I have no idea what's brought on this change.

I have had no change in style/makeup/hair. I say this because I was considered very unattractive in high school and I'm just not used to this much attention. If it helps, I've been ovulating this week.

Anonymous 100150

My friends gassed me up earlier so I sent a follow request to my crush. I withdrew it a couple of hours later but I'm like 99% sure he saw it and I'm sort of embarrassed by it. It doesn't help that I'm older than him. I feel like some stalker freak. In the end, I know I'll be fine and I'll get over it within months time. I can't help but feel rejected but my ego will recover.

Anonymous 100181

he's 100% playing. wrap it up

Anonymous 100193

download (1).jpg

I've posted on this thread about missing my ex multiple times but I still miss him and don't know how to stop. He literally pretty much definitely cheated on me and somehow twisted everything in my mind to make me think I was in the wrong, and convinced himself of that as well, probably to avoid any feelings of guilt. I still hope that he will reach out to me some day but I feel like I'm holding onto a hope that will never come true. I guess if I just continue to stay silent maybe he'll start to wonder what I'm up to eventually.

Anonymous 100283

Okay nonas I wanna ask you guys a question. I am a khhv never dated not even e-dated before, now what do men generally think of women who don't use social media? Do they think it's weird or cool? I'm planning to try and use a dating site to find men, and I'm curious what would you guys would give as advice.

Anonymous 100284


>i was the one who broke up w him, it was hard but the right thing to do
>was fine, i felt pretty okay about it, never shed a tear over all of it even when he begged to see me again and cried over the phone
>thought i was totally over him now, a couple months later
>dont even think about him most days
>yesterday found the tshirt of his he gave me right after we met
>spent the rest of yesterday day curled up in bed sobbing and burying my face in it for the last vestiges of his smell

i slept with it in my arms and im wearing it now as i type. i didnt realize i missed him so much

Anonymous 100285

I don’t publicly post on social media a lot but I do use it. It never comes up i conversation for me but it might for you. I suppose someone with more posts up, especially with friends and family with be perceived as more friendly. At the same time, someone who posts selfies would be perceived as vapid.

I would assume it’s like virginity. The right person would care/mind, would respect your decision and that would be if. But there’s always the chance of coming across someone who learns of it and wants to fetishize it. You might be considered “one of the good ones” if that makes sense.

I think online dating is a great way to find a partner in modern times. I am not sure about your age but I know that younger men tend to use apps and websites are full of older men. I hope you find a nice man, Nona!

Anonymous 100286

nona, you might have a dismissive avoidant attachment style. look into it.

Anonymous 100302

I was pondering on whether guys see it as a redflag or an inconvenience if a girl doesn't have social media. I know incel tier guys prefer girls with no social media but I'm asking about what regular men think.

>I am not sure about your age but I know that younger men tend to use apps and websites are full of older men.

I've always had the impression that apps were for casual relationships while sites are for longterm and serious ones.

>I hope you find a nice man, Nona!

Thank you!

Anonymous 100307

ive been told this a few times before. i probably do, but theres not much that helps with. just puts a name to the feelings i already had, you know. being self aware doesnt help anything on its own

Anonymous 100316

I can’t feel anything for anyone anymore. I’ll talk to incels from 4chan when I’m lonely so they boost my self-esteem because they become obsessed with me. But I still feel soo empty I haven’t genuinely liked someone in so long. I don’t know what to do

Anonymous 100323

You're so pathetic

Anonymous 100325

I'm personally a fearful avoidant. I found that watching Paulien Timmer & Thais Gibson on YouTube helped me tremendously! :)

Anonymous 100336

You sound incredibly arrogant and self centered

Anonymous 100343

dont listen to them lol. i did this at the worst period of my life too. i feel for you nona. be careful tho, make sure to change your imagesets every so often and all, some of them will get stalkery

Anonymous 100347

I tried to date an incel but none of them wanted me because I'm ugly. One even tried to friendzone me after rejecting me and kept asking me for advice on scoring better looking women. I ended up finding a manwhore on omegle a few months ago and made him my e-bf instead. He doesn't know what I look like, and would probably break up with me if he did, but the affection he gives me is refreshing. He wishes me good morning and goodnight and tells me he loves me and wants me. I have the same problem as you now though. To be honest, I don't love him. Too much bitterness from how moids have treated me has soured my view on men, and I suspect anything good must be temporary. I feel happy for the first time in awhile. I don't even care if he's fake or a perverted moid, it just feels nice having the illusion of being wanted. I wish I could feel love, but I don't expect that someone like me can receive love really, being the way that I am, with this deplorable face, so I think my heart has resigned itself to this fake thing. Also, don't listen to the salty responses. They're definitely moids who can't understand what it's like to be lonely.

Anonymous 100349

Never present a false version of yourself. It always bites you in the ass later. And attracts the wrong ones.

Anonymous 100356

i miss my ex. but i think he’s over giving me chances. we have tried a relationship so many times but i push people away due to my fucked up attachment style problems.

saw him talking to another woman a month ago and i honestly felt like throwing up. the thought of him moving on makes me want to be institutionalized.

Anonymous 100502


I'm honestly feeling depressed the past couple days nonas because I made a messed up realization
Essentially, I remembered that my ex actually SA'd me at one point, but I just refused to think about it for so long, I essentially forgot and kind of gaslighted myself into believing that I wasn't SA'd by him.
And I'm getting anxiety because despite him doing that among other horrible things to me, not only did he somehow manage to do mental gymnastics to make himself believe he is the "good guy" in the breakup, but I also still on some level wish he would talk to me again
Can someone pls comfort me. I don't understand why I feel the way I do about someone who did such horrible things to me.

Anonymous 103404

BUMP so newfags start using this thread instead of creating personal threads

Anonymous 103425

About a month ago I met this guy through a friend and he's great. We talked for a while and started going on dates, which I haven't done for years. Over the last couple of weeks we made out and I ran into a problem. When I was 19, I lost my virginity to a psychopath who took a lot of joy in degrading and humiliating me, and my views on sex were informed by porn, so I didn't really realise what was happening until the damage was done. I had a mini gender identity crisis and turned "non-binary" for a time, but even after I recovered from that, I've felt legitimately moidbrained. I dress like a man, cut my hair short, disguise the shape of my face and hide my curves on instinct. Still, with all that, this guy likes me and finds me attractive (I think), but when he kiss and touch I can't stand him treating me like a woman. He'd slide a hand along my waist and it feels nice, it feels right, but then there's a sudden jolt of guilt and fear that forces me to move his hand somewhere more open, dominant and masculine. When we kiss, I really, really want to be held, but there's that sudden jolt and I can't let him wrap me up. It's like there's a part of me that wants to be a man. I know this is built on the need to engage sexually as an equal and never be exploited again, but it's becoming stifling.

Last night we were alone with each other in private for the first time. He came to my house after I finished work, made me some delicious spaghetti carbonara and then some fresh strawberries from his garden with whipped cream. We started making out and I REALLY wanted to have sex for the first time in 5 years, but taking my hoodie off was as far as I got before I realised that he could see my breasts and hips for the first time and that impulse kicked in. I fought hard, and I felt like if I could just cross a milestone, then it'd fade away, but he must have seen my discomfort and asked if I wanted to put my hoodie back on. It was a huge relief, but I also felt immense dissatisfaction at the feeling I was seconds away from forcing that impulse back down. I could feel he was hard, but we just kissed and fell asleep on the couch. This morning, he acted like nothing was wrong, kissed me goodbye and he's still responding to texts, so I don't think I've fucked anything up.

Am I just deluding myself? Can it really be as simple as exposure therapy, just forcing myself to undress and be sexually vulnerable? At this point it seems obvious to me that he has no expectations or demands, and is willing to go at whatever pace I feel comfortable with.

Anonymous 103427


There’s this really cute guy that stays at the hotel I work at, for his own job. He always waves at me and smiles. Like today as I was walking to my car he was pulling in and he saw me and he immediately smiled and waved. When I worked at a grocery store a few years ago he would come in and usually use self checkout, unless I was at a register then he would come through my line. He’s really cute, like a real life Ken doll. Do you think I have a chance Nonas? Like if he liked me he would have probably already made a move by now

Anonymous 103431

There's no rule that say anons can't make personal threads mini-mod

Anonymous 103437

There's no harm in trying to get to know him, make some small talk when you see each other in the parking lot or hotel and see where it goes. Maybe you won't like his personality or maybe you'll find out he already has a girlfriend. Or maybe the stars align and you two end up getting along with each other.

Anonymous 103439

>divorced my husband a few years ago
>he cheated online and, I suspect, IRL
>huge porn addict, even watched porn on MY computer
>alcoholic and spent all our money drinking
>barely did any housework, never took me out, you know how it is
>called me for months after I left, usually drunk, until I literally changed my number and blocked him
why are moids so bad at personal responsibility for the shit they pull? he fucked everything up in our lives and still tried crying to me like I'd give a shit
>then he decided he was trans
it's actually pathetic; he was at least a bit cute before but now he looks like a caricature of a woman, and I know damn well he's still the same, shitty person he was before
I finally stopped hearing from him last year but he popped into my mind lately, fucking hate that I'm like this

Anonymous 103440


>decided he was trans
No way lmao

Anonymous 103479

So I've met this foreign guy who asked me on a date but he warned me he's not gonna stay in my country for a long time. I agreed and we spend a lot of time together. He's like the embodiment of the perfect man for me and has shown more care and kindness to me than any other guy ever did. We care about each other a lot. Yesterday he told me back home he has a girl he's in open relationships with. He said that he should've probably told me sooner but I'm glad he still told me. I'm kind of clingy and I can get a bit jealous but I realized it usually stems from my abandonment issues and once I feel secure again I don't feel jealousy. So I guess it doesn't bother me as long as he's not gonna abandon me. I can see he genuinely cares about me so my abandonment issues have calmed down for the most part. But the thing is he's like so perfect and I'm sure I won't meet any man like him. A lot of guys in my country are also kind of sexist and see women as objects so with the way I am it's more likely that any other guy will just want to take advantage of me and won't actually genuinely care for me. He made he promise that the next guy I date will be nice to me and at least as nice as him but the truth is it already weeds out 99,99% of unmarried guys and the ones in 00,01% aren't attracted to me. He pretty much raised my standards impossibly high for someone like me in my country. He also mentioned that his girlfriend is looking for a girlfriend as well and given that I'm also bi maybe we would like each other. But I literally look underage and I think most wlw aren't into this kind of look. The idea sounds fun though. Anyway thanks for reading my blog and thank you to all Western mothers that raise their boys to be perfect gentlemen that raise the standards of weirdo non-Western girls too high by being so amazing towards them

Anonymous 103482

>A lot of guys in my country are also kind of sexist and see women as objects
>t any other guy will just want to take advantage of me and won't actually genuinely care for me
>Yesterday he told me back home he has a girl he's in open relationships with.

Anonymous 103487

nta, I don't get it either. Macho culture must be really bad if she doesn't see the obvious. Nevermind, his gf is also looking for a sidepiece

Anonymous 103492


>then he decided he was trans

Anonymous 103503


>bf might lose job where he makes 22hr which is probably not gonna happen and it’s him just being him
>but he could quit his job and work a job at the mine for 33hr but says he doesn’t want to cause he likes his job because he can fuck around and have 4 days off and he has time for his “band”
>I currently work a job at a hotel for 12hr and 40 hours a week(2 days off) and just got hired to teach pre k for 11hr also around 40 hours a week. Which ofcourse he has no problem with me working two jobs.
Is it wrong that I kind of wanna break up with him? Like he’s not a good provider and like he’s not really a good bf anyways.

Anonymous 103504

Like I have asked him to get Starbucks before I go to work like while I’m getting ready and he will just down right refuse and say how hot it is and blah blah. These oil guys who stay at the hotel I work at (who work essentially the same job as him if not harder jobs) will bring me dinner when they go out and get dinner for themselves.

Anonymous 103505

I'd ditch him in a heartbeat, he obviously doesn't care even a little.

Anonymous 103514

It's not wrong. Both of you obviously have a different mindset towards work. I think a lot of people would describe him as lazy and immature. Does he live at home with his parents or with you? Do you take care of the whole household?

Anonymous 103527

We tried again last night. I got my hoodie and top off, but I was practically squirming with how uncomfortable I was and he gave me another off-ramp, which I immediately took. I'm going to his place for dinner in a couple of hours, and I'm thinking of drinking 2 or 3 shots of vodka beforehand, so when he offers me something to drink, by the time I've finished it, I'll be tipsy enough to maybe, hopefully, let my inhibitions down.

Anonymous 103532

shut up scrote

Anonymous 103534

I love my bf so much he's so cute and i have ssex with him and it feels really good :)))

Anonymous 103536

Anonymous 103564

It 100% worked. Just had to get a little tipsy and undress under the covers. Managed even better this morning. I feel really accomplished and like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

Anonymous 103566

>A lot of guys in my country are also kind of sexist and see women as objects
There is this mentality that assumes women shouldn't outright show enthusiasm towards men until they feel like they're "hooked" and want to actually commit to them. Men are hunters, women are prey and all that jazz. That's unnatural for me because if I like someone I wanna make them feel good and don't wanna pretend like I like them less than I actually do which makes me "too easy" and only good to take advantage of. Obviously not everybody is like this but it still seems like a very significant amount of people are. And that's just one example of me not fitting in
>t any other guy will just want to take advantage of me and won't actually genuinely care for me
In addition to the stuff above I'm also really naive and it doesn't usually take me much to believe a person has good intentions. I'm probably the type of person who will meet a man who is like "come here, I'll show you a puppy" and would actually go with them and proceed to act surprised when there is no puppy. Just the other day stuff happened and it was obvious to my bf that another guy had ulterior motives but I didn't get it until he explained it to me.

>Yesterday he told me back home he has a girl he's in open relationships with.

That's pretty straightforward. Like they're dating each other but also don't mind each other dating other people. He told me should've probably told me sooner but I'm glad he told me at all and was honest about it

Thanks for replying to my blog!

Anonymous 103567

Sounds good, nona! Did you enjoy everything?

Anonymous 103589

From my first experience, and everything others had told me, I thought PIV sex was a largely joyless chore you had to do for physical intimacy and to wrangle an orgasm out of your partner. I was so wrong. It was pretty fucking amazing and I even called out sick to drag him back into bed.

Anonymous 103643

Talking to this guy and it’s like very long distance. He’s a huge simp like he just does thing and begs to do things for me. It’s probably because I took his virginity but whatever. Well he has been on this trip with his friends and their girlfriends. He stayed up late to talk to me but like he really really didn’t have to. Well I’m his way home one of his friends girlfriends texted him saying how she’s worried about him staying up all week to talk to me and how he looks poorly. Is it weird that I think she’s like trying to come on to him?

Anonymous 103650

eh maybe. Are the girls and guys together a friend group? Or does she really only know him as the friend of her bf? Because checking up on someone's health is also just being a good friend, so it's hard to say for sure if that's the case.

Anonymous 103720

Just need to vent and get my thoughts in order.

So I've been pregnant 4 times since I started dating my boyfriend. I didn't tell him the first time and started taking the pill, but after the second I became frightened he was sabotaging me. I made sure he couldn't possibly do anything to any of my contraceptive measures and I STILL got pregnant. I told him the third and fourth time, and he was very solemn and supported my decision. Doctors could only run tests and give me ineffective treatments that went nowhere. This was when I was in financial ruin and I couldn't find a place that would let me keep my brand new job, so despite how much emotional agony I was in, it would've been massively irresponsible to bring a child into that. I agreed to move in with him and we've been living together for a while now. Now I'm pregnant AGAIN and I just can't go through the ordeal even once more. I told my boyfriend and he was distraught, right up until I said I was keeping it, and he was downright ecstatic. The relief was immense and left me on kind of an emotional high because all my fears were dispelled and he was actively all in.

That's when things became weird. He immediately said we'd have to move, which I was not a fan of. Our place was a very generous rental with a respectful landlord who let me decorate and make some changes to the property she paid for, because she wants reliable, longterm tenants. We had a spare room for a nursery and it's a very well placed home with a backyard, but he said "can't raise a kid in this rathole", which was a joke, but I thought we kind of loved the house. Suddenly he's showing me houses scattered all over the city and beyond in the $850K+ range, half of which aren't even on the market, acting like it's a sure thing and just wants me to pick my favourite. Then he tells his family and suddenly they're practically living with us. I'd met his close relatives and known he had a big family, but we were swarmed with people, who were in the order of the great aunt of a second cousin, coming to see me to give suggestions about where to live and how to design kitchens, pregnancy advice, and tell me about famous ancestors I should name the baby after. He seems to just take 30+ visitors in stride like humouring a favourite aunt. Then, with no financing or discussion, he drives me to my favourite of the houses and just presents it to me. "My family helped out." was all I got out of him until he reminded me that he did mention they owned some property and this was like a baby shower gift and his early inheritance. Then we have to furnish our new house and suddenly he's paying for fixtures and workers in cash that had suddenly manifested from savings he says he's been building since he was a little kid. He's always been very good with money, being frugal, making good investments, working high paying jobs etc. but this is kind of beyond having some savings he's just never cared to mention.

I feel like he's been living with a thin film behind him since we met and suddenly I've punched through the find his entire background has been obscured the whole time. Suddenly we have money to do basically whatever we want, within reason, and I've inherited an entire community of his relatives who will make meals, give me paperwork on maternity leave while suggesting I just quit my job, drive me places, lecture me on the need to develop a hobby I can make money with from home, weed the garden, interrogate me on when we'll get married or, ya know, suddenly turn up to move in a $1400 restored carved oak antique bedside set I mentioned being beautiful ONCE in front of his mother. I'm still reeling from the decision to have a BABY and now I need to work through becoming a homeowner, bride-to-be, fulltime mother and part-time entrepreneur. I just want to hit pause on everything and give myself like 3 months to digest everything before I hit play again.

Anonymous 103769

Girl this is literally the plot to Rosemary's Baby? If you're serious, idk, you might want to run the fuck away. If you're not serious, well, you really had me going because yeah this is EXACTLY the plot of Rosemary's Baby.

Anonymous 103774

I've never seen it, but I just gave it a look and I kind of get the similarities. Thankfully no suspiciously helpful neighbours have turned up…mostly because our house is so isolated. Damn. Am I spawning the antichrist? I still have a few weeks until my next ultrasound, but I've been told by like 20 women from his family that it feels (they believe in the whole supernatural mother-senses thing) like a boy, and that all the women of the family either had a boy first, or only had girls.

Anonymous 103793

God I’m so jealous, and you literally don’t appreciate anything that he’s done for you at all. I feel I’ve got to stop coming to this website because it’s full of people being handed so many opportunities on a platter that they immediately attempt to squander.

Anonymous 103797

>mfw cringy ‘enby’ TIF very obviously prefers to interact with dude I have a crush on in our group of coworker friends. she always takes up his attention and hardly lets anyone else have a chance to speak with him and the two of them will end up walking together far behind the group. she has a BF already
>mfw it seems like he’s been spending more time with her/wanting to hang out and chat with her more than he has with me recently

My crush has some of his own issues and the more I get to know him the more I don’t think he’s really the ideal person I want anyways, but something still makes me reeeeeee about the super fucking annoying and cringe fake troon being the one that gets the attention. I also just need to chill out probably. I just really don’t like this girl and I think this is just another thing that adds to that fire. She has also heavily inserted herself into my friend group at work and it’s driving me insane because it means it can be hard to avoid her and I just generally find her a really irritating person…if there’s things I want to do I have to either miss out if I decide she’ll piss me off too much, or do the thing and deal with being annoyed the whole time. I also hate myself for feeling so territorial over male attention over someone who is just another guy.

Anonymous 103817


6 months ago I started dating a girl who is kind of nice, but things moved really quickly and she told me “I love you” a month or two ago to which I was stupid enough to respond in kind. Typical lesbians I know. But I just haven’t been feeling it; I have been discovering myself as “asexual” (I kinda am growing to hate that term but that’s besides the point), I just don’t like sex or even kissing that much and at first it was fine, we even fucked because I wanted to make it work but now each kiss feels like more and more of a chore. I know I need to break up with here soon.

Thing is, I would love to be friends with her because we share a lot of fandom and nerdy interests and her roomate moid is actually kind of ok and fun to be around. But I have a feeling that will all go away even if there’s an amicable breakup. I haven’t ever really had to break up with someone like this before, and I’m anxious about it. What’s the best way to do it?

Anonymous 103825

To be clear, I absolutely do appreciate that this is an incredible opportunity and that I would have to be insane to turn away from it. The problem is this has all happened in rapid succession and I need time to process how each of these steps has permanently altered my life. Like, just having a house is leaving me stunned and I still feel like it's not mine, but I was still CONSIDERING marriage, and now I'm pregnant and tied to him and his family for life.

Anonymous 103847

is it possible to be so porn addicted that you dont realize that youre mostly into women in reality? whenever i sleep with men i dont enjoy it like i do in my head. one time i kissed my female friend and i actually felt butterflies and euphoria like they talk about in movies but ive never felt that with men. kissing men mostly feels that nothing, maybe a bit of warmness if theyre a good kisser.

Anonymous 103849

maybe you're bi? but I'd recommend laying off porn either way bc it can harm your real life experiences and mental health in general. it's definitely not uncommon to have your perceptions and attractions warped by porn however, maybe see if you feel different when cutting back (i understand addiction's tough tho)

Anonymous 103854

These stories weird me out a lot.
I don't know if I'm the odd person here but for the life of me I can't imagine being in a relationship with someone long enough to get pregnant 4 times and eventually decide to have a baby with and STILL know almost nothing about them or their background.

Am I insane for thinking that you're supposed to know people at a much deeper level than that before you end up with a baby/marriage?
I think this is where your problem lies it's like you just found yourself bound forever to someone who just revealed to you that you don't know them very well and that they've been hiding a lot from you even if those things weren't inherently bad.

Anonymous 103858

I knew his family was large, and I'd come to know his parents, grandparents, aunts, uncle, cousins, their children and so on, but the whole 'big family' thing was always viewed at a distance because they live quite far away on rural properties that I always felt awkward about attending. He wasn't hiding anything, it's just a radically different culture to what I'm used to. I've met my cousins a few times in my adult life, whereas he grew up in the same house as them and was neighbours with his second cousins, sees them weekly and practically raised their children. I'm just now being thrust into that huge, extended family because we made ourselves more accessible. If I'd gone to harvests, festivals and his huge family gatherings, this wouldn't have been such a huge shock, but driving for 12 hours on a weekend was just too much.

Anonymous 103888

i havent watched it in a bit now, the problem is that the fetishy and porn like ideas creep into my mind when im aroused. so mentally i feel like it's still with me.

Anonymous 103936


my bf of 9 months had a long-distance relationship before me. they dated for a year and his profile pictures in twitter, whatsapp etc were photos of him with his then gf. now his profile pictures are just him, and he never said anything about changing them into one with me. should i be worried?

Anonymous 103937

I think you're overthinking it nona, actually it's kind of a good thing to not have couples pics on social media. It's not good for privacy y'know? I highly doubt it was any sort of conscious decision to exclude you, guys don't think about stuff like that. Just focus on the other parts of your relationship and good luck!

Anonymous 103938

He's literally openly admitting he doesn't care about you like he did his old girlfriend. Dump him and find a man that actually deserves you.

Anonymous 103940

Take better pics of the two of you together

Anonymous 103941

Have you considered she was the one who wanted him to put those pictures up? Most men don't care what their profile pictures are, and making sure she's in everything is a not-so-subtle way of reminding him and other women that they're together.

Anonymous 103946

You have to go after them, at least at first. Show them in an unambiguous way that you're interested, and see what happens.

Anonymous 103963


My bf of 8 years ago broke up with me two weeks ago.
He’s already talking to another girl
I wasn’t like a great gf if I’m honest but this hursts like crazy
She’s so fucking bland and ugly. She’s literally friends with a bunch of girls I went to highschool who had a pact to see who could sleep with 25 guys before the graduated.

Anonymous 103964

This stuff is crazy, On one hand I can't believe what some of you guys say on the other I can't believe there are men who would actually act the way yall describe. what the fuck is the world coming too

Anonymous 103989

I don't know how to deal with the fact that I know I used to have more fun in my unhealthy relationships than with my current relationship with a healthy guy. I'm not talking about sex, just in general.
My current bf in't perfect but he's all I want in a guy and he's not even boring at all, but it seems like I'm used to certain toxic behaviors that my concept of "fun" is fucked up.
For example, I used to tease my last bf saying something slightly mean and he always replied with something similar, getting into a cycle of sayings thing that were borderline hurtful but in a playful way. Deep down it always hurt a little, but at the same time it was exciting and fun for me. I unconsciously tried the same thing with my current boyfriend recently and instead of replying in the same way, he just started laughing a little confused began to act sweetly to defuse the situation and that's when I realized that I have so many fucked up ideas, because I felt a little disappointed

Anonymous 103993

As funny as verbally abusing your bf sounds, teasing your bf sexually is way better.

Anonymous 103994

>it always hurt a little, but at the same time it was exciting and fun for me
Was it really fun or was it adrenaline of the bad kind which can be easily mistaken for the former?

Anonymous 104007

He also accused me of giving him HPV, even though like I have been vaccinated against HPV and I have been tested for STDs multiple times cause like anytime you complain about your period or pain related to like your genital as a women they test you. I’m pretty sure he got it from this girl who he cheated on me with like 8 years ago cause I know for a fact she had HPV, but he swears up and down it was me because he wore a condom with her. I don’t know how to explain to him the HPV is so pervasive that you can catch it from literally a tiny bit of your cock not being in the condom

Anonymous 104009

>8 years
I think that if he didn't propose in 8 years, it was never serious. So the breakup was meant to happen at some point.

Anonymous 104011

Anonymous 104012

Well actually… he wanted to get married and purpose but I don’t necessarily believe in marriage(my parents had a real messy divorce and marriage.) Also marriage isn’t the end goal for like every serious relationship. We had a domestic partnership

Anonymous 104013

Also that’s just stupid
I work at a hotel and there was this guy staying here because he was going around to different spots him and his wife had been to, to spread her ashes. They dated for ten years and we’re married for 13

Anonymous 104039


nonas… I'm beginning to think you shouldn't treat your bf as a friend as well.
I think those roles are quite different and, although it may seem nice, they shouldn't overlap.
Do you have any thoughts on the matter?

Anonymous 104040

I struggle with how to interact with him and what precisely we are to each other. On one hand, I want best friend and life partner who'll treat me as a respected equal. On the other hand I want to be his desired, adored queen and get unfairly favourable treatment that no equal partner deserves. Maybe I'm just immature and want him to treat me as his partner in public, and princess behind closed doors.

Anonymous 104051

I miss having dignity and self-love. My boyfriend cheated on me with more than 5 girls during our three years of dating and I'm still with him. I feel so bad and insecure. Every day I stalk these girls on social media, one of them I've been stalking for three years. I don't know why I do this, it must make me even worse. Last week a girl came to tell me that she had sex with my boyfriend, and I already knew, but she told me other things, important details that he had lied and I discovered the truth. When I told him about it, he told me to go to hell and said that if I didn't truly forgive him I should break up with him and leave him alone, because he doesn't have the patience to deal with "drama". I just can't do it.

Anonymous 104052

Then why are you still with him?

Anonymous 104056

I love him and he makes me feel good when I'm with him. Furthermore, he took my virginity, so I don't accept any other option than to marry him.

Anonymous 104057

This would be my interpretation too. You could ask him to put a pic up with you in it (though not that directly - take a pic of the two of you together and then tell him he looks cute and encourage him to make it his picture). If he's hesitant or resists, then I'd go with >>103938's interpretation

Anonymous 104058

You're going to feel real stupid when he dumps you anyway. You're not marrying this guy, cut the cord.

Anonymous 104059

I already feel really stupid. I wish I could truly forget him, with some form of hypnosis, alternative psychology or whatever. Is there any way?

Anonymous 104061

Does the fear of him having a romantic relationship with someone else also disappear over time?

Anonymous 104064

It's not that. One of the reasons I can't break up with him is because I'm also afraid that he'll move on and get another girlfriend, which he will definitely happen, and imagining him with another girlfriend makes me feel really bad. If I break up with him and move on, will this fear go away?

Anonymous 104068

Dump him and rebound with another guy. You won’t like the new guy but it’ll take your mind off your ex once you realize you have other options.

Anonymous 104074

I wouldn't recommend this… it tends to go terribly for both people and can put her in a vulnerable position with a guy
I'd suggest spending more time with family, female friends, other people who can help her feel valuable outside of a romantic context

Anonymous 104081

>Doesn't have the patience to deal with the drama that he created himself unaided

Anonymous 104099

I think the only reason why my boyfriend is so obsessed with me is that I am his first girlfriend. I think if we ever broke up he would change to be any other man.

Anonymous 104100

If virginity is so important to you, why didn't you wait until after marriage?

Anonymous 104103

For those of you in online relationships or who have been in one- how did it start? I’m just curious about how you go from the talking phase to deciding to date. And what does it look like? I’ve never had any relationship experience, either irl or online. But of course I can see what irl relationships look like in my daily life. It’s easier for me to meet guys online than in real life, but I have no idea what an online relationship even looks like so I’m curious to hear people’s experiences.

Anonymous 104104

I met my only boyfriend online on a video game website with a chat room, but this may not be what you're looking for since we were preteens. Over time the site users migrated to other places where you can talk 1-on-1 and we talked a lot. I knew him for a few years before we decided we both liked each other and were figuring out teen stuff together. We didn't exactly call ourselves bf and gf since we'd never met, but we were outspoken about being best friends who loved each other and we talked about getting married and sex and stuff. So it was still obviously an exclusive romantic relationship that evolved out of being best friends. We started using bf/gf when we met up after becoming adults.
In total we spent about 3 years just being internet friends, 3 years basically "e-dating" as special friends, and then 2 years being irl partners who'd live together in spurts and planned to get married, until I broke it off. To answer your question, since we had never met, we didn't talk outright about dating and just became increasingly intimate and exclusive.

Anonymous 104110

I've been single forever. It's not that I couldn't get a bf if I wanted to, there's been plenty of guys who were interested in me. But I just didn't seem to like any of them.

Anonymous 104113

I'm in the same boat. I've been happily single for a long time, but I've recently been feeling motivated. If I keep meeting different people then I'm bound to find someone I like (who likes me back) eventually… hopefully.

Anonymous 104116

Standards are too high
Try women instead

Anonymous 104120

i do love my partner and I like being in a relationship but having to talk and hang out every single day is so exhausting and he always says the same things over and over. i wish that I could tell him to go away without sounding like a bitch

Anonymous 104133

I met a guy online and I actually enjoy talking to him, which is crazy to me. 99% of the time when I talk to men, they aren't interesting to me at all. It seems like we aren't running out of things to talk about and I feel comfortable being myself. The last time I remember feeling this way about a guy was probably like 5 years ago. It's way too early to say whether I'd be romantically interested in him, although I think my brain is getting too excited and jumping to conclusions. I have no idea what he looks like though. So he could be very unattractive or already has a gf or is fucking around with a bunch of different girls etc.

Anonymous 104157

Are you to stupid to read charts? The males likes 53% of females. The females DISLIKE/PASS 95% of the males.

Anonymous 104159

Sounds like a dodged bullet tbh. Take the opportunity while its there and date someone irl

Anonymous 104160

Run. Run far, far away. From him, his friends and yours. Start new, in a big city, save as much as you can and get five hobbies. Dont look back.

Anonymous 104182

I feel the same way, I took his virginity and he’s really obsessed with me. I’m scared it’ll fade. He got a loan so I could get a car of my own. My ex never bought me flowers ever, but my new boyfriend sent flowers to my work without me knowing. He bought me bedding and listens to me talk and talk. He’s proud of me for doing little things like cleaning my room. My ex never treated me so well and I’m scared, my new boyfriend will evolve to be the same way.

Anonymous 104188

With dating and relationships as strained as they are today, am I justified to picking a man based solely on his quality as a husband, rather than as a lover/soulmate/friend? I've met a guy through a friend who is essentially the opposite to my physical ideal, shares none of my interests and has very little in common personality-wise; I'd never befriend or try to build a romantic relationship with him normally. However, he's also (in order of importance):
>wants children
>is good with children
>genetically healthy
>can cook extremely well
>is happy to do domestic tasks
>can make me orgasm with ease
>is physically fit (tall and brawny)
>has a good career
>owns his own home
>doesn't use social media
I can never find all those qualities in one person, and even if we never fall madly in love and become best friends, I think it could be a stable and healthy relationship to build a family with, which is my ultimate goal. The problem is, everyone I know with the exception of my mother, disagrees. They all think I should hold out, at 35, for The One. I need outside opinions.

Anonymous 104201

I think my boyfriend has a thing for a girl that he used to be friends with but I don’t know how to approach it.
It started when he was going to send me something on instagram and I saw her namn pop up and asked who that was. He told me it was an old friend he met on our second date when we went second hand shopping and that she texted him happy easter afterwards.
He also follows her podcast and has liked EVERY picture since easter but hasn’t commented.
He has also hinted at talking about her to his friends when he told me one of his friends told him that she was christian.
He lets me use his phone so I don’t think he’s hiding anything.
It makes me sick to my stomach and it makes me want to cry.

Anonymous 104202

I’m not complaining about him just that he could become like every other man and that scares me. Like he’s so perfect, tall and handsome and has all his hair. I don’t even understand how he’s a virgin. Like that my attention could taint him and he could change.

Anonymous 104203

Like I can’t complain. He’s only masculine in a nurturing way. He doesn’t have like a small thingy. He’s kind and generous with everyone. He cried because I bought him stuff like coffee cups. He listens to me and anytime I buy anything he always asks to see, wether it’s clothes or groceries. He just wants to take care of me. He doesn’t watch porn. He didn’t expect me to be some trad either virgin. He liked the Barbie movie. Like he is perfect in every regard. I wish he could be a little more confident. Maybe participate in his own hobbies and not be so distracted by me but that’s just cause it makes me feel guilty like I’m taking up his time.

Anonymous 104205

I told my boyfriend I cheated on him by kissing a girl at a party when I was very drunk 8 months ago, days after we started as a couple.
He's about to break up with me.
Do I deserve this? He's the best man I could ever find, I'd never been on a relationship before since I couldn't find anyone I was interested on.
I love him so much and I don't want to lose him.
Am I a piece of shit and deserve to be broken up with or is there a way to save this relationship?
I don't know anymore, my life and mental health is shit at the time and I'm capable of ending it all. I haven't said this to him bc I don't want to be that kind of person.

Anonymous 104206

Possibly worse than you getting drunk and kissing a girl is that you kept it a secret for eight months. If you had confessed immediately, he might have forgiven you, because there would not be added eight months worth of fraud. Trust is the most important part of a relationship, and you've proven yourself a liar. If you genuinely loved him, you would have told him so sooner. I say you deserve it.
Frankly, if I were him, I would break up with you even if you had confessed immediately. Only idiots get drunk at parties, or go to parties to begin with, and kiss people they aren't infatuated with.

Anonymous 104207

Only a male-lover could be worse than a moid, this reply is awful on so many levels it's disgusting
Yeah you don't deserve that guy. You deserve better. You said it happened just days after you got together, clearly he could have talked to you about it nicely but breaking up? Nah, you're having a shitty mental health so he didn't do any good to you this whole time. I say let him go and change the mindset "He's the best man I could ever have" he's not and you can always have what you want and better

Anonymous 104208

Honestly th only thing you did wrong was telling him.

Anonymous 104209

>this reply is awful on so many levels it's disgusting
What, because I think lying is bad? What kind of relationship can be built on lies and secrets? Or are you saying it's good to get drunk and kiss random people? I believe relationships require honesty and trust. If my bf told me that eight months ago he got drunk and kissed some girl, I'd break up with him.

Anonymous 104210

Unless you were mentally ill and/or blackout drunk and incapable of making rational decisions at the time, it's probably best you split. The first few days of a relationship are some of the most intense and making out with someone else, particularly during that period, says a lot about how committed you are and how much you value your own pleasure over your partner's feelings. You'll probably look back and realise the relationship didn't mean as much as you thought it did, because right now your perception is skewed by the prospect of losing something new and engrossing.

Please don't listen to this >>104207 kind of bitter, egocentric person. Romantic partners are not therapists who'll heal your mental health with love or emotional punching bags you can expect to calmly forgive your every trespass. However, they are right that you need to shift away from the mindset of believing he's the best you can get. Not because "you can always have what you want and better", which is just plainly insane, but because he may well be the perfect man, but that clearly didn't even register in the face of sexual desire.

>>104206 is right that your relationship HAS to be based on trust, but I don't think you need to be scolded for making a mistake. You're obviously paying for that mistake, and hopefully you'll grow as a result and realise either than you're not that attached to him, or that for you sexual desire is more important than romantic connection. That last one is something best learned early to avoid years of wounded partners through compulsive cheating.

Anonymous 104211

You know why I wrote that, you didn't mind your words only to hurt her. They could be both idiots who went to parties and you never "deserve" wrong things.
She didn't build a relationship on mutliple big lies jeez, and that analogy is wrong. Would you really break up if your bf told you he got drunk and kissed another guy?
A drunk girl kissing another girl is different especially for guys, it's a no matter and I frankly believe it was never about her lying about it.
I believe the most important thing in relationships is trust as in understanding for each other, and he's just breaking up while her is feeling bad enough to end it all. I'm waiting for more info on how it went but he sounds like a shitty guy nonetheless.
I never said he had to be her therapist, but if he was this perfect man he would have been encouraging this whole time she didn't have to feel like she doesn't deserve shit

Anonymous 104212

>you're having a shitty mental health so he didn't do any good to you this whole time
He is not responsible for, and cannot improve, her mental health; only she can do that.

>if he was this perfect man he would have been encouraging this whole time she didn't have to feel like she doesn't deserve shit

Encouraging her to make healthy choices and reinforce positive changes is just that, encouragement. He can't make her do anything or change her mind. You're describing a therapist failing at their job, not a neglectful boyfriend.

Anonymous 104244

Even my psychologist told me it wasn't such a big deal lmao disregarded.

btw I was away from him and hadn't seen him in a few days. It isn't about the relationship not being "intense enough".

Yes, it wasn't a big deal after all, he was very emotional right away when i told him but then we was way more rationable abput it and forgave me. I told him I would plan on kms if I couldn't be with him and also other unrelated bad feelings I've been on lately and he was very reassuring, he's a good guy really.

>He is not responsible for, and cannot improve, her mental health; only she can do that.
this is also very real and he's very supporting on me getting better.

Anonymous 104247

I'm sick of my husband wearing headphones all day and acting like he can't hear me. This has been going on for years now and has only increased since he bought some better pair. I have a soft voice that seems difficult for most people to understand to begin with, so frequently repeating myself is not new to me. It's beyond frustrating how much I have to repeat myself, or giveup on what I'm trying to say entirely. And what is he even listening to, anything with audio you could easily hear out of a phone or PC speaker anyway. But mainly the most mindnumbing youtube junk and some really shitty podcasts. Seriously I've looked into some of these I don't see how you can get any entertainment out of this garbage much less for hours. And this apparently is more important to him than maintaining normally functioning communication with his spouse. The way I get ignored so much honestly hurts my feelings and I've told him that but he acts like it's no big deal. I suspect he may be trying to avoid me on purpose. I don't use headphones so much but I've tried doing the same thing to him a few times to see how he would react. And well if I did that all the time we would probably not talk much at all bc he seems fine with it. Seems like I'm almost always the one trying to even start a conversation. Anyway Idk what to do but I want it to stop. I thought of throwing the stupid things away but I know he would just buy more. Don't get me wrong I think listening to headphones is fine just not all damn day. Is there even anything I can do?

Anonymous 104253

This sounds awful, did he do this even before you got married? I don't want to judge you but I'm judginng a bit.
Is he autistic or something?
I think this male is a little bad to begin with, so I'm proposing something YOU would ave to bother doing, but remember what you want to say to him and take advantage of when he's not using the headphones to tell him stuff, maybe when you're having breakfast or dinner.
Also try to bring it up in conversation again and be emphatic about it bothering you a lot and making you not feel loved or appreciated.

Overall this is a very bad trait this person has and I'm sorry he's your HUSBAND.

Anonymous 104255

I suspect he's autistic or adhd or something not formally diagnosed. He's always been abnormally quiet around everyone, I don't think shy just not interested in others. Didn't seem like this around when we were first dating but now I wonder if he was putting on an act or something. The headphones thing came up in the past few years. He's always just zoned out a lot and says he's just thinking. When I can actually get him into a conversation though he's easygoing and friendly. I just can't figure out what I have to do to reliably get his attention since he seems to be in his own world most of the time. Even when we do something together like playing a game he's usually like this.

Anonymous 104282

Mine is the same way. When we moved in together, I ran into the issue of his timeframe for cleaning and other chores being completely unrealistic for 2 people in the same house. I realised he needs constant stimulation and I was the one to suggest he get a wireless headset, and I discovered if he was listening to an audiobook/radioplay/podcast etc. suddenly he could stick with long chores with ease and was more than happy to clean and whatnot within minutes of making the mess. The problem is that he gets so absorbed in what's going through his mind that the rest of him just goes on autopilot. I know that's what I wanted, but it means I have to yell or approach him to get his attention, and for months I'd have to repeat myself again and again and again. Eventually, on days where we were both working, I'd say maybe 10 words to him all day long and want to talk, but he'd either be busy doing something with friends online as I went to bed or (because we started sleeping in separate beds) wanting to go to bed himself as I tried to have conversations with him kneeling at my bedside.

It sounds dumb, but I just decided to set up alerts for Aljazeera with any story about national politics, the military or events from his favourite countries. I'd let him work on the car, garden, roof etc. in his own little audiobook world, and the second he was inside, I'd rush over and prompt him by talking about some recent event, e.g. "So I heard about Ukraine getting these new missiles…" and he'd launch into telling me all about it, which I could then pivot into talking about things that matter to us. It's not perfect, and it is manipulative in a way, but my only other option is to force him to go without and be miserable slogging through chores while bored out of his mind.

My situation is really different to yours, though. We started living together because of a surprise pregnancy and went into this knowing we'd have a lot of issues to work out, because failure wasn't an option. You married him, but if this behaviour is really unbearable and he won't change, that's a point of failure for the relationship and grounds to part ways.

Anonymous 104287

I'm dating a guy almost a decade older than me (it's a seven year age gap), and it's been a year and a half already. He's consistently nice to me, but I can tell he's overly agreeable because he doesn't necessarily care what means he has to go through to just get the ends he wants. For example, if I were to request for us to do an activity he dislikes, but could lead to us having more "physical contact" (per say), he'd just agree with it right away. Sometimes, he just uses insistence, especially when it's sex related, to get me to do something (he will quite literally stand there waiting until I do it), though it's nothing aggressive or stereotypically imposing, he just asks and insists saying it won't be that bad. I usually end up doing what he wants anyway.

I can be insistent too, though it's not sex related. There is some info about his life he refuses to say, like his birthday, what his parents are like (he just says they're ok, with no further comment, ALWAYS), stuff like that. He just sort of buries with sarcasm or doesn't respond at all, the opposite of what he does when he wants something. It's like that too whenever I ask if I can't meet his parents some day, and he jokes about them only meeting me when we get old, and they're at his funeral. There's a reason for that, we started dating when I was 16 (I turned 18 three months) and he was 23. He's just afraid his parents will question him on why I'm young, and kick him out, since he is a NEET.

He's never angry though. Never raised his voice, insulted me, yelled, made a snarky remark, none of that. It's just a neutral, almost friendly insistence.

Although, he's kind of cold sometimes. He gets easily distracted when I'm talking to him, so he's not so responsive or doesn't hold his focus on the conversation for too long, especially since I'm usually the one doing most of the talking. Except when it's something sexual, that seems to hold his attention for hours. He's really crass about it too. He does make small efforts, though. Every morning he asks how I'm doing.

Nonas, did I just get groomed?

Anonymous 104289

He's a neet and 16 is too young to be dating someone in their 20s. I would be disgusted if my son did something similar. He sounds like a sex pest as well. You're young nona, if you feel like this loser is not forth coming enough or if you're uncomfortable with him, just dump him and find someone who you do feel comfortable with and who is forth coming.

Anonymous 104291

I'm gonna be quite honest with you, it's spooky how, if you're too emotional and have problems, you don't notice train wrecks like this. It's crazy how men in their 20s will DIE on the hill, saying they'd never EVER date a teenager, but then all of that morality fucking crumbles when a teenager shows them attention, and they go for it like rabid dogs.

Anonymous 104292

Shit, I forgot to add, but he was the same when we used to just be friends and play vidya together. Said he never would do it, even if 16 is the age of consent here

Anonymous 104295

Yep, that's how a lot of them are. They will say anything to justify their degeneracy the minute their little pee pee gets hard. Tbh nona, it reads as if he's only with you out of convenience (sex). It's weird because it's not like he can do better considering he's a manchild. He should be worshipping the ground you step on

Anonymous 104311

I need advice on something really cringey. I recently found some weird coomer channels recommended on my boyfriend's youtube. I think it is something called lord ray and the comments refer to other gross artists like shadman. My dad also asked if I monitor what my boyfriend does on his computer which I don't know why my dad would say that unless he has seen something too. Finally I saw him downloading an NSFW art image. I am so uncomfortable with confronting him just because it is so cringe and I'm disgusted so I have no idea what to say.

Anonymous 104365

Can't you watch porn or nsfw images? Like have you talked about how neither of you would consume that kind of content?

Anonymous 104366

>>104205 here
My boyfriend's pheromones have changed. He smells different and feels different. Is he cheating on me as revenge? Does being with someone else change your smell?
I don't know I also dislike how his scent changed a little, not enough to leave him but it's a shame because I'm a very smell/pheromone driven person, I think a person is perfect when they're good people PLUS them having compatible pheromones with mine and him changing makes me feel weird like am I ever getting my bf back?

Anonymous 104368

>he smells different, is he cheating on me as revenge?
This is one of my worst fears. I might hug my Nigel one day and he smells like perfume instead of laundry/BO

Anonymous 104371


Ok so I need an advice. Me and a very good friend both broke up with our partners around the same time and we started to be extremely close. Like we spend all our time together whenever we aren’t busy. I have huge traumas and lots of mental issues but I manage it pretty well, and with him I feel comfortable talking about this stuff for the first time in my life, he talks a lot about his issues too. But today, he started to say that he misses his ex and hopes she will come back, he even wrote a letter for her. I don’t know what to do I feel so heartbroken… i don’t want to give up but it’s so painful knowing maybe he has no interest in me. Oh I am also close to his ex if that can help?

Anonymous 104375

If him downloading NSFW stuff weirds you out, talk to him about it.

What you shouldn't do (speaking from personal experience) is what your dad mentioned about monitoring your bf's computer/phone usage. Guys get super sensitive about people snooping on their devices, whether they're doing sketchy shit or not.

Anonymous 104376

your bf has a porn addiction, it will only go downhill from here. if he says he'll stop or that he now finds porn disgusting, he's lying to you

Anonymous 104386

It's not perfume, it's just his pheromones I think because there's no way he sees someone else every day. Also it comes FROM him idk how to explain it.
I hope it's the season changing that did this to him or maybe his new skincare products.

Anonymous 104388

I don't know if the guy I'm interested in is just really smart, or dark triad. My very first interaction with him was volunteering to teach disadvantaged kids STEM principles. I found him very funny, witty, extremely knowledgeable and charming in a goofy way, while also being very caring and patient with the kids, many of whom had behavioural problems he seemed to instantly know how to handle. He honestly seemed like a very experienced dad, but has no kids. We talked on break and he spends his Saturdays teaching struggling kids to like learning, and how to do it without help from an overburdened public school system. His day job is developing new kinds of prosthetics for amputees and researching implantation technology. This was all really great, and it wasn't hard to fall for him. He seemed honest, open and treated me with respect.

The problems started when we entered the "friends" stage, where we were clearly ramping up to dating, and I got to see how his daily life goes. The very first thing I saw was him flawlessly and effortlessly manipulate his boss. His boss instantly came off as an overachieving corporate suit trying to micromanage scientists he really did not understand, and he wanted to kick me out of the lab tour and have a meeting about professional responsibility for productivity. In under 45 seconds, he gaslit (gaslighted?) his own boss into humiliating himself in front of his subordinates and brushed off my concern with diminishing him to a useless time-thief that needs to be 'managed'. After that I saw him do something similar to get us into a convention that'd exceeded its admittance, and again (though much nicer this time) with some drunks who thought he was laughing at them when he was actually laughing at my joke. To add to this, he's practically unflappable, displaying next to 0 emotion in stressful situations and remained totally calm and cool as 3 guys threatened to kill him.

In general, he politely dominates his workplace and colleagues, manipulates people to get his way, believes what he's doing is important enough to warrant it, remains ice cold in moments of stress and seems to think he's superior to a good portion of the population. All these traits could just be reflections of how he has to run his life due to current constraints, and in another line of work he'd be entirely different, but it was the ease with which he manipulated an experienced corporate middle-management type that instantly made me nervous. If he can direct and subtly 'manage' someone like that, is he just doing it all the time to me? If I wasn't paranoid about that, would I have even noticed?

Anonymous 104389

he sounds like a psychopath

Anonymous 104398

Maybe his hormones or diet have changed?

Anonymous 104400


Is never having had a girlfriend a red flag? Personally, I kind of like the idea of having been his only gf.

Anonymous 104401

I wanna tare my exs new girlfriend apart, physically and emotionally. I don’t think I have harbored this much hatred for a person. She barley has any instagram followers and I know in his dumb boy brain, he’s thinking oh she’s loyal but in reality she’s just fucking ugly. Her tits are positioned and out in literally every photo or she has her ass stuck our. I hope he gets and STD from her.

Anonymous 104402

You would think with the way she flaunts herself off she would have more but I guess butter faces cant win them all

Anonymous 104403

Did he break up with you or vice versa?

Anonymous 104405

>greenest flag
No pun intended?

Anonymous 104406

I think my boss has feelings for me and idk what to do. I've had a puppy crush on him for a year but I think he's caught on and he's either teasing me or he likes me back. There's several problems too, other than him being my boss. He's 25 years older than me (I know) and I'm currently in a long term relationship that I'm otherwise happy in (I know…) I don't know what to do. Having the crush was fun but I didn't expect this and I feel in over my head. I feel so stupid for letting it get to this point

Anonymous 104408

The age difference concerns me less than the fact that you’re already in a long term relationship and are crushing on your older boss. Are you unhappy in your current relationship? What is compelling you to look at other people?

Anonymous 104410

It can be a red flag, especially the older they are. Sometimes they have a chip on their shoulder about going so long without sex or female attention, even if it's not obvious at first. Then, over time, their immaturity and and entitlement reveals itself. Obviously this isn't going to be true for everyone. The one I dated like this seemed so sweet at first and then grew to be a nightmare. He had no idea how adult relationships work. Idk, I think it's best if both people have a similar level of experience. I hated being someone's first substantial crush and girlfriend as an adult because it felt juvenile. It reminded me of the way I acted toward my first crush and later boyfriend in high school.

I know everyone loves male virgins on this site, but think about the fact that, everything they know about sex and relationships, they learned from porn and tv.

Anonymous 104411

I'd say never having had a gf before is a necessary, but not sufficient, condition for an ideal boyfriend. Like it doesn't mean he's good, but if he had exes before that's something against him (why did she break up with him or vice versa, lingering feelings, etc)

Anonymous 104414


I don't think sharing past relationship experience is something you should be expected to disclose when dating. I'd say only sexual, so you don't end up with STDs or a virgin if you don't want to be with one (But for women this is also a double-edged sword, because some men will get off on the idea of one being a virgin).
Behavioral issues, that signal multiple failed relationships, will show themselves one way or another. But it shouldn't be anyone's business except your own who you've dated in the past. If anything I think most people would find the idea of talking about ex-gfs/bfs awkward on a date. The only person I've known who has done this is a TIM with his Tinder hookups, but he was already obv really gross, narcissistic, and desperate.

BTW He's really cute. Can't believe a woman would pass him for a retarded reason like that. What a loss.

Anonymous 104415

I get what you're saying but I think that's idealistic. You're putting a lot of faith in the first person you happen to date being perfect for you and feeling exactly the same as you. You don't truly know what you're compatible with without life experience, and that often comes with disappointment and heartache. Not saying you have to have a whole bunch of partners before you find "the one," but the very first person is rarely it.

Btw, that guy is on tiktok comparing relationship experience to job experience. Do you think it's healthy for him to think of having a girlfriend the same way as job prospects? Viewing a relationship with another person as a personal credential, or as a means to feel like he's "advancing" in life, is the true red flag, imo.

Anonymous 104417

You have it backwards. It's the girl he went out with who is treating relationships like job prospecting. The guy's just being sarcastic.
>You don't truly know what you're compatible with without life experience
Only a fool learns from his own mistakes. The wise man learns from the mistakes of others.
—Otto von Bismarck

Anonymous 104418

mistakes are one of many things life experience encompasses. besides, how would other people's mistakes tell you what YOU'RE compatible with?

Anonymous 104419

>happen to date
I wouldn't just date anyone, it has to be someone special who I really know. This is super unorthodox for a lot of people now because it's all tinder and stuff. And I think he's sarcastically comparing it to a job as a way or saying it's what it shouldn't be
It will show themselves eventually but why wait until you're way into the relationship and super invested? A person's life history shows who they are. Is the idea that they've changed so I shouldn't care? To me it seems like the burden is on them to show they've changed.

Idk the whole thing sounds like denial. They instinctively long for a special connection, but they realize how cheapened it is that they're fifth or sixth in line. So they deny/don't talk/never discuss/forbid any discussion of it to maintain that denial. Like, imagine your SO sleeping with someone else, he says he loves her as he does. If you really don't care/think it doesn't matter, why does it bother you?

Anonymous 104420

I think there's broadly two ways about it. One is you find someone with the same desire for special unique love, and grow to be better for each other. The second is to cycle through people to see who is the most compatible.

But the problem with the latter is the inverse of what the fox says in the little prince. People are not that unique. There's someone else who's going to be more compatible, or more to your taste, or vice versa for your SO. What next? I see normies and what they do is suddenly declare their particular SO is special. So in the end, still trying to grasp for uniqueness.

>To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world…"

Anonymous 104421

true, people themselves aren't that unique, but two people have to be in similar enough places in life for a relationship to work. Their goals, plans for the future, etc. have to be compatible. And if their backgrounds are different, then that comes with other challenges that can make or break a relationship. There are so many things beyond love and attraction that determine compatibility. People can start out compatible but then grow to no longer be compatible. Sometimes, differences that were always there but weren't a big deal do become a bigger deal over time. Sometimes, people end relationships because their own circumstances are too challenging for them to be in a relationship at that moment. That's what I meant by compatibility, and that's why I do see it as unique to the person.

Anonymous 104424

You're missing the point. You're saying it's impossible for two people to know if they're incompatible unless they enter into a relationship and fail. But Shakespeare writes:
>There is a history in all men's lives
>Figuring the nature of the times deceased,
>The which observed, a man may prophecy,
>With a near aim, of the main chance of things
>As yet not come to life, which in their seeds
>And weak beginnings lie intreasured.
Human nature is not so beyond human understanding that an intelligent person could not reasonably predict whether or not they are compatible with someone else.

Anonymous 104425

No, I do think people can reasonably predict whether they're compatible with someone without entering a relationship with them. The girl in that tiktok reasonably predicted she wasn't compatible with the guy due to their differences in experience (regardless of anyone's opinion of it; she's allowed to decide for herself who she does and doesn't want in her life). What I'm arguing is that compatibility isn't a static thing. If compatibility were static, then no one in long term relationships would ever break up.

Anonymous 104426

People only enter relationships because they think they're compatible, but they break up because they were mistaken. They were never truly compatible to begin with.

Anonymous 104427


>It will show themselves eventually but why wait until you're way into the relationship and super invested? A person's life history shows who they are. Is the idea that they've changed so I shouldn't care? To me it seems like the burden is on them to show they've changed.

You wouldn't wait until super invested. It's just not exactly common courtesy to talk about past relationships when you have just started dating, either. That gives the impression that you're still hung up on your exes. TIM I knew would tell me how he would unload his whole lifestory like that on hook-ups he had just spent the night with. Cringe and autistic af.

But even when more invested in the relationship, I don't really see the point of bringing up past relationships unless when the situation calls for it. Such as, if one of the previous relationships was abusive and something in your current one brings up trauma from it or etc.

If you're not expected to talk about previous friendships you've had, why be expected to talk about previous romantic relationships?

>A person's life history shows who they are.

This sounds like something only a cancel-culture obsessed zoomie thinks, not gonna lie. No one's bringing up their high school "girlfriend" that they had for 2 weeks to you. Whose name they probably don't even remember anymore.

Anonymous 104438

How can it suffer wear and tear if it has never been used?
You can have the moid with a 100 ex-gfs, I'll take the guy who's been waiting and saving himself for true love.

Anonymous 104439

I wish my bf was a virgin when I met him

Anonymous 104440

Were you a virgin too? Otherwise it would be kind of hypocritical.

Anonymous 104442

Anonymous 104445

But rust and sunlight equally affect the used car. So the brand new car is not any worse.
>he isn't waiting for true love
Why's it so hard to believe?

Anonymous 104449

who actually cares. men will call any woman with a body count higher than 1 a whore and say they want a virgin girlfriend whilst having a body account bigger than their age.

Anonymous 104453


>my husband wants to have a second child
>I tell him no

Anonymous 104454


>ask ltbf if he ever thinks about how many kids he wants
>"oh, i dunno, i think it'd be nice to have five or six"
>tell him he's fucking nuts
>don't tell him i've never been more turned on
he must never know

Anonymous 104456

I have one and as much as I love her, I do t want to ever get pregnant again.

Anonymous 104459

I think my crush hates me but not for the reasons you think. I think he’s a bit competitive with me, which makes no sense but his aura and behavior is weird around me. A competitive aura. I feel nothing but good feelings towards him so I don’t know why he’s like this. He’s older than me too so it feels weird

Anonymous 104473

So basically I'm in open relationships with a really sweet guy and today I hang out with also a pretty nice guy today and he wanted to kiss me and it was sudden and I was cool with that but now I'm praying he turns out to not want anything serious because he mentioned not being comfortable with open relationships so PLEASE PLEASE TURN OUT NOT TO WANT ANYTHING SERIOUS I DON'T WANNA LEAD YOU ON

Anonymous 104476

Men are idiots. If you don't want to lead him on, tell him you don't want to lead him on. Otherwise he'll never get it.

Anonymous 104478

I will but gotta think of the way to do it as gently as possible because he's a nice guy but isn't really good at verbalizing his feelings even if I do upset him

Anonymous 104481

Those kinds of men are scum, but it's also scummy if a woman does the same thing. Two wrongs don't make a right.

Anonymous 104502

I don't know. I don't feel unhappy, but maybe a little unfulfilled. But my current partner is very nice to me and treats me well. So I feel like it would be a mistake to leave him.
I believe I feel unfulfilled because my boss knows exactly how to talk to me in a way that I'm into, but he knows I'm in a relationship too so I don't know if he's just enjoying getting a reaction out of me or not. I have a hard time hiding my emotions so when he compliments me he can tell it really affects me. My boyfriend is sweet, but he can be a little dry. They are sort of exact opposites personality wise.
I think overall I just feel very guilty for having a crush to begin with. And I can't talk to anyone about it because all my friends either know my boyfriend or my boss… I don't think I'd want to be in a long term relationship with that much of an age difference, but just the fact that I feel this strongly about him worries me. (And it has been going on over a year now.)
I can tell I am starting to get more frustrated with my boyfriend in the bedroom too because of it.It makes me feel like an asshole. I just want him to take charge more, but he's so worried about going too far. I'm worried I'm going to feel unfulfilled forever because of this… I don't know what to do!

Anonymous 104509

So this isn't a relationship question exactly, but I don't know where else I'd ask this. I started talking to a guy online a few weeks ago. I actually enjoy talking to him, which is rare, and he says that he likes talking to me. But sometimes when he responds to me, he gives me really short answers like literally just "that's cool" or "yeah" or things like that. Normally I'll just change the topic to try to find something else to talk about, but then my friend told me that if a guy is giving you those one word answers then it probably means they don't really care. I guess she's right. I like talking to this person, but if it feels like I'm putting in all the effort to start interesting conversation then should I stop trying? If a guy gives me a short answer like that and I don't respond- that wouldn't seem like I was ghosting, would it?

Anonymous 104510

This will never really work. Either meet in person and start an irl friendship/relationship or stop replying to him.
Don't get emotionally attached if you're going to keep this an online interaction.

He might be interested in you and might be autistic or weird socially. It's not his fault, he can be a really good guy but crushing on him or expecting something from him can be painful when feelings get intense.
I've been through something very similar to this.

Anonymous 104548

Could it be that his family is one of those traditional sorts, and very much so wanted him to follow suit?
That is, they wouldn't let him into their considerable accumulated family wealth until he "settled down" - that being beginning to start a family in earnest, And rather than pressuring on the issue and putting undue weight on you to get pregnant (Or weirding you out) he decided to wait until the decision came organically.
I assume the two of you are talking about getting married?

Anonymous 104558

Nonas, how do you reject a boy in his early 20s gently? He's a nice guy but I'm in open relationships with the sweetest guy ever that I don't wanna break off and the boy mentioned he finds open relationships weird. He's nice but isn't really good at communication and often seems to not tell me stuff outright. I wanna be really nice about that and really don't wanna hurt him. He hasn't mentioned wanting anything serious but there is a possibility he does. So how do I go about this?

Anonymous 104594

>develop crush on roommate/landlord
>he starts dating an enbie girl who's flirting with transitioning
>they date for a few months
>she stops going by her gender-neutral nickname
>starts dressing normally
>stops trying to act like a man
>have to avoid certain parts of the house at night to not have my heart broken by seeing or hearing them together
>she suddenly dumps him
>she has confidence in her femininity back and wants male attention
>tells me that she thinks good men aren't rare and she'll be able to find someone who makes more money and is better looking
>start psyching myself up to just tell him that I have feelings for him once he gets over her
>making dinner together last night
>talking about relationships
>mentions off-hand he's done with dating
>press him on it
>laments that he's been shown he's a low-value partner in the modern dating scene and is too old for friends to set him up
>has made up his mind to just suck it up and die alone, rather than suffer repeatedly

I just want to tell him that he's not low-value and he's actually one in a million marriage material, but it's equally possible we break up and I just cement this idea his ex has implanted in his head.

Anonymous 104595

>roommate with moid who's not bf

Anonymous 104596

Go for it, nona
Even if you break up you can still support him and insist that not having a partner doesn't lower his value

Anonymous 104600

Accidentally lead on a nice boy. Didn't mean to hurt him and thought he wasn't serious because he didn't say so. It's still sad though, I don't like hurting people so that feels bad.

Anonymous 104609

He owns the house and I rent from him. It's pretty common to have a roommate of the opposite sex, and even if not, the rent was just too good to pass up.

I'm just a bit disheartened because I know that once he makes up his mind about something important and sets himself to it, you have to present a damn thesis to get him to change his mind. Just saying "but I like you" will probably just make co-habitation awkward.

Anonymous 104645


My bf got me so fucked up im literally drinking my heart out and listening to 90s europop. I love him so much but I fucking hate him too. Halp

Anonymous 104650


I’m an annoyed woman with only a body count of one (now two) currently seeing a guy with a body count of 3 women not including me. This moid I’m with now was originally supposed to be just a one night stand, with me only using him to fully break my hymen but somehow I’ve been roped into a relationship with him. It has its perks, for starters I have heavy abandonment issues and now I don’t have to be chronically single anymore (I couldn’t stand being single when I was). And I guess he’s a nice moid he’s just severely autistic with low sex drive and considers himself “practically a virgin” just because of these things. And he considers himself like a virgin simply because the sex he had wasn’t in long lasting relationships but were all one night stands. Yet I was talking with him tonight and he said that he’s had car sex before (meaning he’s at least done adventurous sex before), and that he’s had unprotected sex before and even gotten an STD from one past girl.
When I heard this, I was holding back tears and I wanted to scream in his face “How could you do something so stupid?”
Idk. This moid just really pisses me off with his nonchalance about sex. And my perspective is biased asf because my first moid was my long time ex and we were virgins that lost our sexual innocence with each other.
Now I feel like the moid I’m currently seeing is the only option I have left, because I’m stuck in a populous city where all the men here are ran-through and disgusting pigs who treat sex like a handshake, and this moid is basically a virgin compared to all the other disgusting fuckers here. What should I do?

Anonymous 104651


Don’t be his rebound have some dignity and find someone else

Anonymous 104652

I think they do all the time but feel ashamed of it

Anonymous 104653

Most men go for "prize" women. Those are the women who uplift males' status for them having scored them. She doesn't have to be a physically attractive woman, but she needs to be confident because she's there to impress his friends, who are the ones he truly desires respect and admiration from. The Bitch girl stereotype is what males thirst after - not because they love her, but because she gives them status. Women do this with men, too. There are more romanticists and idealists among women, but the majority are still seeking "high value" dick for the purpose of outdoing their friends' relationships and proving that they are Superior Women. I hope you realize that incels aren't crying about muh Chad shit for no reason, they have noticed this pattern as well. I think it's telling that this applies to both sides.

It's actually quite hilarious watching anons here lament about how men don't like them because they're ugly. No. Men don't like you because you're a doormat and therefore expendable in their eyes. World's prettiest women get bent because they don't assert themselves, but subpar IQ ugly women are very successfully siphoning men's attention and resources because they chase self interest, not men's validation.

As someone I admire has said, to teach women to be more selfish is to teach them to have common sense.

Anonymous 104673

>have one night stand with moid
>complain that he's a slut
What were you expecting?

Anonymous 104675

This isn't going to be reassuring at all, but I think he might have some sort of virgin-shaming-kink thing. Like "oh dear my gf might start having more forceful initiative in sex because i'm just soooo low libido and virginal and inept, oh deaaar i sure hope she doesn't take a sharp commanding tone and belittle me slightly in a humiliation play manner that would be sooo ahhh." The issue with that being that if he does have such an interest or fetish-complex then he almost certainly mentally downplays literally every act of sexual experience and every piece of acquired sexual competence he might have. As in his number of sexual encounters might not include a whole host and range of previous partnered sexual experiences, particularly involving outercourse, interruptus, mutual masturbation or even sex that involved the use of prostheses like strapons or even simple prophylactics (yes, there are men who pretend to be virgins just because they put on condoms; no, it doesn't make conventional sense, but these are male masochists we're talking about, not sane people). He might be a lot more run through than even he is consciously aware of. This will get particularly bad if it seems like he doesn't ever improve at providing orgasms, since making you cum would go against the fantasy of "mommy still wuvs me even though i'm so inept and incapable uwu" - if that's the case then he'll literally never be good in bed because being good in bed makes his own bed experience further from the fantasy and therefore diminishes his own pleasure.

Anonymous 104693

Why do you hate him?

Anonymous 104704

this, honestly

Anonymous 104708

Admittedly ONS was not the proper word I should have said considering it didn’t properly define our association. I didn’t meet him and sleep with him in just one night as per the usual standard of a ONS. Instead I met him, went on two dates, and then we hooked up. So the proper term would have been a fling, which I wanted him to be.

Anonymous 104717

Doesn't change anything, he's still a slut

Anonymous 104727

To make a little context,i have been in two long relationships of 4 years each, both of them ended because from either work or studies getting stressful we grew a little distant and both of them ended cheating on me. After being single for two years i meet this moid in a dating app, he catched my eye because he looked too odd to be a dating app searching for random hookups and because his descriptikn matched my hobbies (anime,reading, etc). I started messaging him and everything went super smooth, he is funny and very smart, makes me laugh, i ask him for his insta and the conversation scalates until i ask his number and we start calling each other talking for hours, iwch surprised me a lot,im not very good at talking but i can talk to him for hours.

Eventually he comes to my town and we meet, i was nervous but he was very calm and patient (i have ADHD but it doesnt seem to bother him).
I keep seeing him and even invited him to my house and i ended sucking his dick. He doesnt pressure me in any way and respects my boundaries a lot, i suspect he is a virgin.

Now i really hope it works and ends in the last and longer relationship in my life. He is really sweet and getting more and more caring with every day i spend with him, sometimes it seems like he reads my mind and does minor things that i do not bother to say to make me feel better and comfortable. Im starting to really really love him.

Im his first relationship in more than a decade (he is 34 im 31), according to him due to past trauma for his last break up (was his first girlfriend and he felt betrayed in his love) and he took a lot of time to heal, so he is almost baggage free.

The thing is my insecurities sometimes get the better of me and cant stop thinking if im doing the right thing trying something with him due my to past experiences, but he never showed me something to be really insecure about it even if i try to be extremely picky. Im a very affection demanding person and he can hug me, kiss me and caress me in public with no problem and his eyes makes me feel like im the most beautiful woman alive.

I talked to him about my experiences and how i didnt want to mess around and he agreeded, he dates in hopes of finding his last girlfriend (i think is one of the reasons he got so much trouble dating, he lives in a very liberal city and he has deep conservatives values).

Am im doing the right nonas?, this guy seem fallen from the sky, its patient, comes to see me in a 5 hour ride just to share a weekend with me, its learning alarmingly fast how to please me, never pressures me, its understanding, spoils me when given the chance, hears me… But, i cant stop feeling insecurte time to time.

Anonymous 104728

It's ok to be inseccure. Just don't selfsabotage yourself. Considering your context your previous relationships failed at a later stage and because mutual lack of effort which led to you being betrayed and hurt. You're far away from this point with your current love. If you feel overwhelmed because everything seems to be too good to be true then just take things slow. Most people aren't used to this anymore because everything is instant in this day and age. I don't mean that you block or avoid everything but rather enjoy this precious moments when everything is too good to be true and say it out loud like really express it. Good luck, nona

Anonymous 104732

My ldr bf just broke up with me then un-broke up with me an hour later but I still feel sad. Why do men do this?

Anonymous 104734

>Im his first relationship in more than a decade
I keep seeing stories like this all over the place… what the hell happened ten years ago that all the keepers suddenly dropped out of the dating pool?

Anonymous 104735

Tinder was founded 11 years ago. Online dating is bullshit, and the popularity of which makes it harder for good men and women to date.

Anonymous 104739

>oh dear my gf might start having more forceful initiative in sex because i'm just soooo low libido and virginal and inept, oh deaaar i sure hope she doesn't take a sharp commanding tone and belittle me slightly in a humiliation play manner that would be sooo ahhh

hot tbh

Anonymous 104740

thank you nona ill try my best as i really really want this to work. Never though i gonna feel like this again.
I cant help but feel a lot of love for this man, he even writes me good poems and he is a fucking engineer, no one wrote me poems before.
He invited me to meet his family and it was great. His little nephews were there and they adore him, he plays with them a lot and teach them things.

I dont know, but as the other nona said maybe is how dating apps works. I find this guy ok in appearance as he is tall and has pretty hands but im almost sure he finds himself ugly and maybe it was for his past experiences using dating apps.

Also after talking to him a lot i believe he was very damaged after losing his first love and took years to heal himself meanwhile feeling very lonely as his job is very male dominated so maybe that kind off put him in a pupa state until recently. I feel kind of lucky to find him in a dating app of all things.

Anonymous 104814

I hope he's a virgin if so you won the jackpot and I'm envious

Anonymous 104856

It’s so hard to move those who love you

Anonymous 104857

I mean love* those who love you. Might be a fucked up Stockholm syndrome-y attachment thing.

Anonymous 105033

I have a date next week, (I know it’s a date because I called it a date three times while I texted this guy and he didn’t correct me). I asked him if I could come over and we could watch movies (fever pitch because he likes baseball and reminds me of jimmy fallon and then some movie he wants to watch on Amazon prime) wear our pjs and I’d bring him cookies. What’s the likelihood of him trying to sleep with me? I told him I’m celibate and he said that’s fine he still just wanted to get to know me.

Anonymous 105037

I use to use sex for validation with my long term boyfriend like to prove he liked me and it really diluted the whole thing. I don’t wanna have sex until I can do it in a healthy manner and I really want to. Like I’m not just doing it because someone wants me to or because I think that’s what they want. He seems like a very respectful person. Which is why I chose to hangout with him. Like if I say no he’s not gonna be a dick about it.
So I’m literally going over at noon, so it’s gonna be during the day and no I don’t think I’ll stay the night cause I work the next day. I was gonna just wear like sweats but like the girly kind like the tight fitting ones so I don’t come off as a total slob and like a cute crop top. Nothing too sexual but still cute and girly

Anonymous 105047

I still think the scenario is implicitly sexual. Did you meet via a dating app? If so, I would avoid those while you're struggling with intimacy.

Anonymous 105050

>1 month ago
>Met guy through mutual friends
>We click immediately, we play catch like little kids
>Start talking all day every day, do sleep overs, make each other playlists, cuddle while watching movies, we make tons of plans even though we live two hours away
>I don't think much of it because he seems affectionate with all of his friends, male or female
>We talk about past relationships, he says being in a relationship stresses him out but that he's not fit for casual sex
>I agree with him because I have the same struggle
>I start thinking about the two of us having occasional sex if we get closer
Is it a good dynamic to be good friends who casually fuck, or does it always end badly? How can I tell if he's attracted to me? The only sign he has showed is liking most of my insta selfies and sometimes randomly messing with my hair or stuff like that, but maybe it's normal for him

Anonymous 105072

>Is it a good dynamic to be good friends who casually fuck, or does it always end badly?
You'll develop feelings for him while he'll have no problem to leave/ghost you once he gets bored/finds someone he thinks is better for him - and that's if he's honest, he could just continue having sex with you and another woman if not more. You'll end up getting hurt

Anonymous 105075


My bf (mid 20s) is constantly going back and forth between love bombing and dumping me with the “you’re too good for me, I miss my own freedom” lines
He doesn’t find me attractive. He says I don’t know how to dress and comments on how much I eat when we get food together (I am slim but skinnyfat). When we first got together he said it was so cool I didn’t like to shave, but now he says wont eat me out unless I do (he doesn’t shave either). He thought it was cool I don’t wear makeup but now he is asking me to learn makeup and wear it everyday.
I recently found out that his ex was texting him when he was out drinking (just about his instagram post). It hurt because he would send long messages to her but whenever he messages me it’s usually no more than 4 words. When I found her instagram I saw discovered that he was liking her selfie when we were together for 1 month. It was also right before the first big fight about his commitment issues and how he felt like he was losing feelings for me because I was too much like a friend and not a “manic pixie dream girl “ (his words). Nowadays he is mostly fighting with me because he doesn’t want me over every weekend which I’m fine with, but he still invites me but then gets mad when I say yes and come over because he “could be with his boys”
It has only been 3 months and I know I should leave him but I have became nearly immune to this cycle now and I am not in my home country and enjoy the company sometimes.
This is just a vent about my situation. He love bombed me hard up until our first big argument 1 month in. Please Nonas have more self respect than me

Anonymous 105076

Nona, you're strong. You deserve someone who will treasure your presence and not make you feel like a burden. You deserve someone you can rely on at all times. You deserve someone who will find you beautiful and sexy with or without make up or hair. Be free.

Anonymous 105077

Thank you so much <3 it means so much to hear that.
I know the way he is treating me is wrong but I don’t really want to date for a while (i don’t like casual sex) + can’t make friends so I think I’m going to try my best to bear with it until I’m ready to be completely alone again

Anonymous 105078

I understand why you'd rather settle than face loneliness. But I worry about you because from what you wrote he doesn't seem like just a meh bf. The fact he lured you in with promises and then dropped the mask once you lowered your guard and started pressuring you into modifying your appearance is a big red flag imo.

Anonymous 105086

Nona this is relationship behaviour, don't get involved sexually, even he said he really doesn't want to.
If you do, be honest with each other about fucking other people because of STDs. He can become a slut at any moment and give you any sort of disease.

Anonymous 105087


>can’t make friends

>gets boyfriend

How do so many nonas on here manage to do this? I would think if you're bad at the former, the latter becomes practically impossible.

Anonymous 105088

Moids want to fuck, so they'll act like they want to be friends, which makes it easier to get a "boyfriend" than a true friend who's not acting.

Anonymous 105089


Still doesn't make much sense in the case of a socially anxious person with low self-esteem like me, and also what I assume is the case for alot of people bad at making friends. Moids don't make moves on people like that at all.

Anonymous 105090

>Moids don't make moves on people like that at all.
>implying moids won't do anything to fuck

Anonymous 105091

Maybe it's just my bad luck but most of the people that I tried to be friends with didn't care about my personal life or being more involved in it, so we only shared some hobbies/interests and talked from time to time about random things. "Friendships" like that easily dwindle out obviously, but I don't think many people have strong friendships anyway.

Anonymous 105092

Being in love gives a lot of mental boost imo, you do things you wouldn't previously even as an anxious person.

Anonymous 105093


Not even sure why you make this just about fucking because it doesn't sound like nona's moid even wants to fuck her. She literally wrote:

>he doesn’t find me attractive. He says I don’t know how to dress and comments on how much I eat when we get food together (I am slim but skinnyfat).

>he says wont eat me out unless I shave

Clearly he got with her for something else and doesn't sound like he was attracted to her from the very beginning. I guess finding moid that treats you as something temporary until what he "really" wants comes along is more likely, but in my case, even that seems extremely unlikely. I literally never go beyond pleasantries and small talk with moids.


Leaving superficial crushes out, maybe, but I haven't been "in love" in ages nor will I be anytime soon because I haven't found almost anyone around me that attractive. But even getting to that stage requires knowing someone well, which in turns assumes already having had a significant mental boost.

Anonymous 105094

It does start with a crush, yes. You see someone, maybe observe them for a while and you soon want to be close with them. It's like an irresistible feeling, so you try to get closer, get to know them. That's how it felt to me at least.

Anonymous 105096


Original poster: I met him on tinder and we liked the same games and music and we are both neurodiverse (autism for me and adhd for him) so we got along and thought we understood each other well
This was brutal but I appreciate the honesty. He does have sex with me, but the eating out bit hurts a bit because I can’t even really grow a little bit. I have to shave barbie doll every week.
I think you are correct in that he does not find me attractive at all. Every compliment is backhanded like “oh you’d look hot if you just put makeup on / dressed like this/ dyed your hair <his exes hair colour>”
I am convinced he is in love with his ex and is using me as a placeholder/ trying to groom me into a “better version” of her to make her jealous/make me tolerable. I’m a poorfag Becky with no dress sense and she is basically an instagram model
I forgot to add in original post but when we had our first argument (before I actually found out about him liking his exs posts/texting her) we talked about taking a break. I said I didn’t really want to sleep around and didn’t want him to but he asked hypothetically “what if it was an ex”. I’m an immigrant so my exes are not even in the country

Anonymous 105099

Leave him, nona. Staying will only result in your self-esteem being damaged in the long run. Soon you'll start internalizing his gaze and feel gross whenever you don't have make up on or grow any hair. You can't love yourself if you stay with someone who doesn't.

Anonymous 105101

Sounds like a potentially dangerous situation. You should get out for your own safety.

Anonymous 105114

Is it a bad sign that I actually enjoy arguing with my bf? We shout and argue over little things, more than the big stuff, and it feels cathartic every time because the argument actually goes somewhere, rather than it just devolving into personal insults and complaining, like with just about everyone else. Is this abnormal or unhealthy?

Anonymous 105118

Yes… It's quite abnormal. You have anger issues and you are using another person, possibly deteriorating their mental health, for your "catharsis", which isn't even catharsis. At some point in life you felt like you couldn't demonstrate signs of aggression when you were angry, and now you are trying to fix your past by living it through in the present. Seriously, seek professional help, because you will lose your bf and you won't be any closer to healing your past wounds. I wish you the best of luck, nona.

Anonymous 105120


Update: I was right.
We fell out again today. He unblocked her on instagram and I asked why and he said he just wanted to be friends with her and I should be fine with that because it was long ago and only lasted 2 months. I asked him if she knows about me and he said yes. I asked for screenshots and he got even madder and accused me of interrogating him and controlling his life. He left the call and I asked him to just be honest with me (a part of me felt like I was deluded and he was mad just because my anxiety is too much).
He then admitted that he had been texting her during our arguments and doesn’t know about us. I asked him to tell her and he refused. I asked him to keep her blocked permanently and he refused. I said if he doesn’t do these things I’ll do it myself. He said he’d block me on everything if I do.
This all happened right after a 2 hour call on my appearance, saying how my dress sense is disgusting because I’m tomboyish and I have a moustache and I need eyeliner to be attractive to him.
I told him I dress tomboy because I was molested as a teen. He interrupted me and told me that I was responsible for what happened and that shouldn’t affect me from not wearing dresses and skirts.
I have never hated men or my life more than I do now

Anonymous 105123

>You're responsible for being assaulted
Woah he's even worse than I thought. You'll be much better off alone.

Anonymous 105144

Is it even worth trying to start a relationship with a guy who has low self-esteem? He's amazing in so many other respects, but he obviously feels like he has to be of use to people for them to tolerate his company, and just couldn't understand I was trying to get closer to him because he really believed no woman would want to. His friends mentioned he'd suffered from depression in the past, but recovered, and I don't know if he'll be like this forever or get better over time.

Anonymous 105145

If you lead him on to getting therapy, I guess it might be worth it

Anonymous 105155

How does the low self esteem become an issue? Does he just withdraw and stop talking to you for periods of time?

Anonymous 105159

That's absolutely fucked, he sounds like a loser himself who was just using you for companionship but only on his terms
At least you have the excuse of being an immigrant, you'll be able to find other people more easily, he sounds like the kind of insufferable asshole who has driven away anyone formerly close to him

Anonymous 105211

tallyhall in the f…

Is distance the killer of relationships? My moid is going to fuck off over on the other side of planet earth to study for a law degree in like 6 months. I'm happy that he's actually succeeding in academics considering how much of a tard he was in high school, but I, like a fool, worry about it sometimes. I'm a jealous person, I admit that. Just the sight of him talking and laughing with someone of the opposite sex starts to fester black thoughts in my sick little head. Now he's going to a new city, to meet new people; new girls. I trust that he'll stay loyal to me, but I worry about it to no end. But at the very least, I will try to make the most out of these last 6 months of us together, and we'll do all the things we wanted to do while we still have the chance.

Anonymous 105212

>he obviously feels like he has to be of use to people for them to tolerate his company
Isn't that how almost all men feel?

Anonymous 105213

>His friends mentioned he'd suffered from depression in the past, but recovered, and I don't know if he'll be like this forever or get better over time.
It won't get better on it's own. He probably needs therapy.
If self-esteem is being a turn off for you, then it's probably not worth it. But it's upto you, you can look past his problems and just accept him for who he is.

How many years are you gonna be seperated?
LDRs on average last a year till things turn sour, but people do sometimes put a lot of effort to keep things floating. It's surely a pain to maintain it though.

Anonymous 105214

Decent men constantly fret over whether they’re of use to people or whether they’re doing as much as they could - their wives, kids, family, friends, coworkers, community, etc.
Shit men don’t care.

Anonymous 105220

Normally yes. Rossmann explains why in this video.

Shit men don't care about certain key relationships but there will always be a few facets in which they feel compelled to maintain utility, even if just to maintain someone else's dependence. That's even true of classical empathyless disorders like antisocial personality disorder and narcissism. Hence the "Reputation-Defending" part of the Reputation-Defending Psychopath.

Anonymous 105229

He's extremely withdrawn and quiet, unless someone engages him in a way he can do something for them. My car's side mirror was seizing while making a clicking and buzzing noise, so I asked a group of friends and suddenly he morphs from a silent contemplative wallflower on the periphery to a supremely confident conversationalist. I learned more about him as he repaired my mirror with tools he keeps on him at all times, than I have in weeks of conversation. Once it was done, I thanked him and asked him if he wanted to go have something to eat or drink as my treat. He instantly refused it like it was charity, acting as though I was trying to pay him for some little inconsequential favour, when he just saved me over $100 going to the mechanics. I thought maybe he was just rejecting me, but he was willing to run over 1km to his car to get some WD-40 to make sure the mirror stayed fixed, and when I suggested driving him to it, he acted like I was offering him a ride in my personal jet, and that jogging there and back, twice, was no big deal if it stopped me being slightly inconvenienced.

I didn't really know needing to be helpful/productive was a male neurotic trait until just now, but it makes things so difficult because it seems like anything I try to do with him, he'll treat like he's inconveniencing me.

Anonymous 105230

I knew someone who was like this. He ended up being comorbid with NPD and BPD. He considered asking help from others a weakness. Turns out his dad was an asshole to him and expected him to be perfect and he was severely bullied in school.

Anonymous 105241

I would be more hesitant to describe it as a neuroticism, a type of malady. It seems more like an extremely important survival-and-development mechanism for inter-male social development.

Have you ever heard of The Ben Franklin Effect? It's a how-to guide for grooming a psychologically healthy male.

When you think about it for a few minutes something like that is fundamentally necessary for any remotely healthy or stable society to form at all. There needs to be significant incentive for those with resources, time, and abilities to use them for the benefit of those without because otherwise there is no point in those-without interacting with those-with through any method other than the point of a sharpened spear in the dark. Male violence is the only reasonable alternative to male mutualism and support in survival scenarios. And all instincts have to take place inside of the same creature, the way males treat other and physically weaker males are usually good predictors of how they treat women, a compulsion to be useful and helpful at-large and to avoid being dependent or requesting help is going to be the only way a male would ever be supportive, useful or helpful to his pregnant mate or to avoid developing unreasonable demands or parentification of his own progeny.

I think it only becomes unhealthy when it starts getting applied to women he is not romantically involved with and has no intentions towards, and there only because there are completely different sets of instincts that make a mess of everything. The evolution of it is almost certainly mutualism and the development of a storehouse of social support for one's downtimes and for one's family, and a protective shield of largesse for one's own excesses during good time.

Most of the psychological differences between men and women are bad on the man's end but this is one I would be very reluctant to try to fix.

Anonymous 105285

Are the two of you fucking retarded? I want casual sex, I am emotionally available. Why do you assume I will caught feelings and he won't? Don't be like that, some women enjoy sex and don't want to date.

Anonymous 105286

Casual sex doesn't exist unless you have low empathy due to trauma or mental illnesses. Even showing your bare body while being vulnerable to another person releases huge loads of serotonin an oxytocin that causes feelings in both of you.

>Why do you assume I will caught feelings and he won't?

Because you're emotionally available and he isn't?

Anonymous 105287

Hmm, okay looks like men release less oxytocin than women after sex.
>Women’s brains release significantly more oxytocin than men. As a result, women frequently feel more bonded to their sexual partners after having sex.
>In a committed relationship, this can be productive for increasing feelings of connectedness, intimacy, and unity as partners.
>In the setting of casual sex, however, this flood of oxytocin fuels a feeling of bondedness with one’s partner, without any of the emotional or practical commitment of a relationship. This can lead to a sense of loss or “emptiness” and accompanying feelings of shame, guilt, and negative self-esteem.
>Because women’s brains release so much more oxytocin than men’s brains, women feel these negative effects of casual sex much more acutely. For the same reason, women generally feel more distress than men following a casual hookup when reality shatters the feelings of bondedness fueled by the oxytocin-triggering sexual activities the night before.

Anonymous 105299

Not for everyone but I’ve been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for nearly two years. We only see each other once a year. Granted, I was very lucky in finding a guy who isn’t interested in anything but a committed monogamous relationship. Don’t give up hope!

Anonymous 105331

that just sounds like the 'tism, probably combined with a bit of a crush on you

Anonymous 105351

I love trivia. I love to share my knowledge of random facts with my partner. I myself am i very curious person. When i start to explain to my partner the world around us, they start making snoring noises and pretend to sleep. They have done this so often that i don't bother telling them shit anymore. It honestly makes me a little bit angry with them when they do it.

Anonymous 105352

Gee, I wonder

Anonymous 105353


I hate trivia.
I once had a scrote chat with me about chess pieces and which ones die first, and it bored me to death. I don't care about chess. I even had to listen to him talk about a math problem for three hours straight, and I had absolutely no idea where it began, where it ended or how any of the steps were done. I try to engage these boring discussions but after a point it gets annoying and I just lose steam and go mmhmm, yeah, okay, and metal gear!? to keep him engaged till he finishes the conversation, or figures out that I haven't been paying attention to him.
The scrote even told me once that he's baffled that I'm not curious about things around me and how I could be learning how to program instead of wasting my time when I told him that these topics don't interest me. His source for random trivia is watching cringe youtube videos like VSauce. Fuck him.


Anonymous 105362

>The scrote even told me once that he's baffled that I'm not curious about things around me and how I could be learning how to program instead of wasting my time
LOL these are my thoughts exactly. I don't bore with random niche topics or metal gear or even math problems. Usually they are relevant to the situation we are in.

Anonymous 105363

>Usually they are relevant to the situation we are in.
Yeah, I appreciate it when it's relevant to the situation. I got to know something interesting during such times about how we haven't evolved that much from people back then who used to sleep and wake up, and sleep again because street lights weren't a thing. But at the same time, too much trivia to the point of derailing conversations gets boring and annoying at times.

I also understand why you feel so, lol. I'm sure these are genuinely interesting things for you. I find that curiosity interesting too.
Maybe I'm just too vapid to find things that has nothing to do with me boring.

>metal gear

Lol, in the metal gear games, the dialogues would be super artificial that the PC would simply repeat what the NPCs tell him, while expressing shock. That's what I do when I have to force myself to engage in these conversations.

Anonymous 105369

does he know.png

How do I get this moid to make a move? I've been inviting him at my place to play vidya, just the two of us. It's been weeks. And it's still just vidya. Should I just give up and conclude that he's just not interested in me that way?

Anonymous 105371

Why don't you make the move?

Anonymous 105372

If you really like him I'd suggest being blunt and saying something like "you gonna ask me out or?" because there is the 0.00001% chance that he likes and just you are being friendly

Anonymous 105373

Do you think he's worth it for the long run?
Are there gonna be any consequences if this turns south, like him badmouthing about you behind your back if you hit on him first?

Anonymous 105375

>badmouthing about you behind your back if you hit on him first?
There is no way a guy who's friendly enough to come over to her house multiple times to play video games would have that kind of reaction to her making a move.

Anonymous 105387

This. The reaction of most moids in that situation is going to be screaming with joy internally while trying their darnedest to come across as cool and aloof.
Moids are not complex.

Anonymous 105400

i got a crush on a group project partner last semester (we're both cs/math majors in college but hes actually smart/kind/hard working/good looking).

at the start of semester he stroke up conversations w me after class and seemed to kinda wait after class to talk/walk with me but that kinda stopped soon afterwards… anyway we got closer over the course of the project and the nature of our smaller class but i think he was just being nice bc there were less ppl to talk to y'know. idk if he/s like this with other girls because i was the only girl who showed up to class. we had lunch together a couple times but it wasnt a pre-arranged thing we kinda just ran into each other and sat side-by-side and talked.

i really liked talking to him, even though im so undersocialised i have a bad way of showing it. im not shy just awkward with a soft monotonous voice. im scared he found me boring/weird/just was being polite to me the whole time.

i texted him over the summer and he responded quickly and was very friendly (using exclamation points, etc) but the convo soon fizzled out. he never texted first but he always responded fast, no longer than an hour or 2 in between).

at the beginning of this semester i texted him again to ask how his new semester was going and he asked if i wanted to get lunch that week. of course i said yes and we did and he was veryyy smiley and giggly especially at first but i think i was being delusional/weird or something… i couldnt come up with anything to say i was so nervous so i think i made him bored/uncomfy bc i just kept asking him questions. he said i could visit him after college when he moves away and i kinda just laughed it off bc hes just being polite right… anyway that day he left with kind of a lackluster/awkward goodbye because he had to go to class.

a week later, no text from him, i ask him if he wants to get coffee and we do and i bought his bc i owed him one and we talked/hung out until he had class (which he ended up being a little late to bc we lost track of time).

since then he hasn't texted in over a month so he was just being friendly/polite right???????? he's in hard classes and busy but if a guy really liked me he'd text first/initiate convos and wanna get to know me right? please tell me i was just another delusional mid bitch who never had a chance please…

i'm so tempted to text him again but im just gonna be bothering him right??? be fr with me brutally honest

Anonymous 105454

but how can i tell if he's merely shy or just too polite to tell me that he's neither interested in nor attracted in me?? help im so clueless

Anonymous 105456

Is he really shy?
Have you observed him talk to other girls?
Scrolled through his social media?

Is it any different from how he does to you?

>just too polite to tell me that he's neither interested in nor attracted in me?

Why would he tell you that out of nowhere though?
Did you ask him about it?

Anonymous 105466

idk if he's shy or not. we dont make much eye contact when we talk but thats more on my part bc i get nervous and a little awkward…

i havent seen him talk to any girls or seen his social media. idek if he has any since i dont use social media much myself.

im just saying he'd tell me he's not into me out of nowhere or that i'd ever ask him directly, since both are pretty impolite things to do. rather, my fear is that i've been mistaking his kindness or politeness for romantic interest and got my hopes up as a result… :(

Anonymous 105468

>he's not into me out of nowhere or that i'd ever ask him directly, since both are pretty impolite things to do
I don't really see this as something impolite. I just mentioned that there's no reason for him to just say that he isn't interested in you.
If you really want to make this count, you could just hit him up again and ask him about it, not desperately though.
Nothing bad's going to happen. Best case scenario, he'd accept and give the relationship a try. Worst case, he'd say no and stop talking, and you move on. A middle ground is he'd say no but still want to be in touch as friends, and that's fine too. You're not going to lose anything.

Anonymous 105494

I don’t have a lot of friends okay I don’t have any friends. so I just wanna talk about this here cause I’m really happy.
My ex bf wasn’t awful but he wasn’t really great. He tried his best and it hurts my heart to say it just wasn’t working cause I wish it would have cause I love him. But for the last couple of months I have been talking to this incel I met from 4chan. He flew three thousand miles to see me yesterday. He’s so perfect sometimes I think I made him up in my head. I miss my ex still and everything we had and worked towards. But something was always off, he didn’t give me the attention I needed and wasn’t very nurturing. Being with someone who loves me and doesn’t yell at me for small things. It makes me feel so wonderful. I don’t even post pictures of myself in social media cause I don’t need the validation

Anonymous 105496

I'm happy for you but…
>He’s so perfect sometimes I think I made him up in my head.
This is something I had to learn the hard way.
If something is too good to be true, then it definitely isn't.

>But something was always off, he didn’t give me the attention I needed and wasn’t very nurturing. Being with someone who loves me and doesn’t yell at me for small things.

That's definitely off but… I'm just saying.
People do toxic things like that only with someone who they're very intimate to, and all the masks have fallen down. I sometimes yell at others for small things but I wouldn't do that to someone who I don't know, or someone who I just met in person for the first time. It's good that the new person isn't treating you like shit, but I feel a bit sad as well because all he has to do is NOT be a toxic piece of shit to make you feel wonderful.

Anonymous 105891

why are pickmes so SMUG? i swear to god every time i see another woman post about raising her standards w/ men there's at least one pickme putting that woman down and bragging about herself bc she accepts less

is2g i'll make a sockpuppet larping as a moid and say shit like "good girl" just to make them feel icky for try'na keep the bar in hell

they're not gonna listen to other women because they have their heads too far up their asses

Anonymous 105908

I dislike seeing women stress over men. You don’t have to date/marry men.

Anonymous 105914

I dislike seeing women stress over men. You don’t have to date/marry men.

Anonymous 105948

My new bf is making me really insecure
He’s constantly goes soft while we’re being intimate and he says it’s not me and it’s just performance anxiety but idk. He will go soft when he’s like doing oral and makes me feel like I smell or taste bad. He says it’s because he’s just focused. My ex never went soft while we were together. Anytime he ate me out he was like hard as rock and he stayed that way. I feel so gross because of this.

Anonymous 105962

I've been with a guy like that, he had a history of porn addiction, was very inexperienced and had self image issues.

Anonymous 105966

Does he randomly go limp during sex or while you're going down on him? Demanding your partner to be rock hard 100% of the time, even when the dong is not in use, might be too much, especially as the crazy teen libido subsides with age.

Anonymous 105967

This. Maybe even try to check if he still watches porn and masturbates behind your back.

Anonymous 105968

I got an update.

Things are going very good with this moid, he even asked me to be his girlfriend and i accepted. Now we are a official for a little more than a month. To be clear, even if due to personal experience i dont really believe on marriage this guy is solid marriage material.

Now a summary:
I presented him to my mom and she firmly approved him. If it was otherwise i would ended the relationship inmediately.

He lives in a city 300 km away, but comes to see me everytime he can, this is all the weekends and stays at my house or his parents some weekdays because he can do remote job two weeks a month. So every 14 days he spends 9 with me.

Sex is decent but i would like to be better, my previous partners were better at bed. He was a virgin indeed, so he is very unexperienced. He is getting better little by little, but it gets on my head time to time.

Now the biggest problem is i grew really attatched to this moid and when he leaves to his city for work i cry everytime, get very sad and miss him a lot. He says he miss me, but he always sounds so happy to interact with me even during our calls but i feel miserable if he is not with me physically.

So i decided to keep my distance from him during the days he works away, i explained very shortly to him that i need space after i didnt respond his calls after work or messages during the day. He said that he loves me and respects my decision.

I dont know if im doing the right thing nonas, in one hand i feel a little bad for barely explaining him my actions when he didnt make any mistake at all (all the contrary) but on the other hand i need to learn to let him go so i dont feel so miserable when he goes to work.

Anonymous 106017

Kind of the same yeah but he doesn’t watch porn anymore. At least I don’t think. When we started talking he hadn’t jerked off for 6 months.
>we were like kissing and stuff and he just stops me and says sorry and he feels insecure and anxious. So I’m just hiding in the bathroom.
My ex was 27 and he never ever had a problem staying hard. When we were teens we would have sex like 3 or 4 times a day. I don’t expect him just to be hard around me. He does just go limp sometimes. It’s honestly so embarrassing and makes me feel fucking disgusting. Regardless of what excuse he makes

Anonymous 106051

He's just getting in his head about it, if you don't support him through it he'll feel like shit and make it worse.

Anonymous 106122

I hate myself for all the good people in my life that I took for granted when I was younger. I watched 13 going on 30 recently and I was bawling by the end because Jenna reminds me so much of myself and everything I hate about my personality.

Anonymous 106123

I've said and done mean things out of anger and I'm constantly haunted by those memories.

Anonymous 106125

Are you both fully naked or under the covers? I found that guys tend to lose their erection if they feel even slightly chilly they will lose their erection.

Anonymous 106206

What are hot things your partner does? My bf has huge hands and makes my e cups look like b cups when he gropes me from behind

Anonymous 106207

My bf is really sensitive on his neck and I love hearing him take shaky breaths when I kiss him there

Anonymous 106264

When he’s horny he gets this devouring look in his eyes and he looks at me with hunger and does this licking motion with his tongue on his lips—it’s very subtle and adorable and sexy

He wakes me up in the morning by gently rubbing my legs or my arms (I can’t get up on time because I sleep through the alarm so he wakes me up pleasantly like this, especially now that it’s darker)

He runs his fingers through his thick wavy long messy locks. Ahhhh looking at his hair (And face) makes me melt like butter! I like checking him out randomly and my heart gets so full of love I turn to mush

When we hold hands, I love how GIGANTIC his hands are compared to mine lol I like wrapping my whole hand around his one finger

When we hug I like nestling my head on his collarbone and have his lips graze my forehead

I like touching his hairy man legs — it’s like touching soft grass heh

And I love it when he gives me massages (which is frequent because I’m a tactile person who love language is physical affection)

And I love his veiny forearms and whenever he wears his henleys cuz his biceps pop in them

Most of all I love how his eyes look at me with pure love, I love his big brown doe eyes

There is probably more but I will stop now. I’m happy I’m still in honeymoon phase after 5 years (which is apparently the death of most relationships — it’s called the danger zone )

Anonymous 106280

How do you cope with masked jealousy?
My girlfriend/wife, (same sex marriage is off the table here but we would if we could just to give you an impression how "serious" things are, we are not talking "lady I met a month ago in a bar") has this thing where she creates arguments in her head over months without telling me and then escalates them throwing wild accusations around in a really extreme manner one day out of nowhere.
These arguments usually have little to do with things that actually happened. They are mostly far fetched interpretations based on sometimes completely fabricated facts (not precise ones but its mostly "you/friend always do XY" etc.). I suspect that armchair shrink mode on she builds them up over such long periods of time because talking to me about these things right away before she had the chance to become rabidly angry about it would defuse the situation instantly either because I would argument that it wasnt meant that way (not that hard since as I said its always far fetched to begin with) or just outright prove to her that it simply never happened. I further suspect that something else must be off, so she forces those situations to vent her anger about feelings she judges others for and wouldnt let herself to get angry about.
This is when the jealousy comes into play. She is not the most outgoing person ever and basically has zero friends. This is not because she wouldnt be a likeable person or socially awkward but simply because she dislikes people in general. Like a lot. And it shows. When we are around someone together she doesnt like (99% of all humanity) her face basically screams "your retarded babbling tires me grunt, fuck off" and she herself finds social interactions so straining she is seldom in the mood anyway. So making her having social interactions with other people has proven to be rather complicated. I make friends easy and everywhere I go I usually take one or two contacts with me. I'm not the biggest fan of social events but I regularly go out so to say. Now I observed that her mood swiftly changes whenever I have more social contacts outside than the bare minimum or better none and esepcially when I make new friends. So when I have a phase of going out several times in a row with different people I can almost count on her exploding in the next weeks. If I just stay at home everything is cool. She also regularly utters that she wants more friends and that she is very unhappy with me having it so easy on that topic while she struggles with it, especially in this context. On the other hand there hasnt been one occasion in the last six years where she wasnt also invited explicitly and even if she comes along she disdains it in the end. She herself has absolutely no motivation to keep up a friendship on a level most people would want to invest back.
Maybe I'm interpreting nonsense myself in her behavior here but I'm at a point where I'm legitimately scared of telling her that I even just spoke to a new person outside of business relations. I'm not a bubbling cauldron of emotions myself so usually her quirks in that way never bothered me much. She has a breakdown followed by screaming and tears, we have a talk, find out stuff isnt as bad as thought and a way out, she feels better and everything is back to normal. Usual relationship stuff.
Last time was different though, I dont even know why but it really shook me. Like she hurt me bad with it which never happened before. Its been almost a year now and its still not cool on my part, absolutely not. I cant forget it and I cant forget the feelings I had in that moment and they constantly come back. I felt my existence threatened around her the first time over half a decade, not physically but emotionally as she would break up any moment now and I couldnt do anything because I cant fix the things that made her so upset since they dont exist. I dont have a chance at doing things right even if I would do anything and I cant even reliably predict when or why it happens. It just does literally from one minute to another. Even for a loving couple in a shitty world we have an abnormaly strong connection and dependance on each other (or at least I on her maybe thats the problem) and everytime I look at her under all other feelings there is this constant buzzing of existencial dread now. I would love to stabilize things, get her friends, whatever just make sure that she is happy and this isnt happening again but I dont know how and realistically it will happen again.

I probably just needed to vent this but I'd be happy for suggestions.

Anonymous 106281


Have you heard of "favorite person relationships"?
She probably loves you so much to the point that she's afraid of losing you, nona.
I don't want to use the Y word but… is she behaving like a yandere?

Anonymous 106288

I didn't even need to read all of this; there is nothing you can do. You partner is being wildly inappropriate because of her lack of self esteem. She needs therapy to build herself up but she won't change unless she wants too

You mean BPD

Anonymous 106289

It is possible but I don't think it's BPD.
It's missing the neurotic "it's all my fault!" part that happens when a borderline jumps from on extreme to blaming her partner for all the problems to the other extreme to blaming herself.

Anonymous 106313

Tonight I'm lying in bed fantasizing about my breakup.

Anonymous 106464

i'm dating a butch dyke and i love her so so so much. i've never been so in love. we're moving in together in a week i'm so excited i'm SO excited

Anonymous 106600

cuuuteeeee i'm so happy for you nona <3 butches are proof that god exists imo

Anonymous 106601

I dated my ex for 8 years and we broke up three months ago but sometimes I still send him money. He always pays me back so I don’t really mind. I have a new boyfriend and stuff but I can’t bare the thought of my ex suffering.

Anonymous 106603

he sounds like a loser, good riddance

Anonymous 106621

I mean the economy is bad and everyone is struggling. I live with my mom so I don’t have to pay rent or anything. He does

Anonymous 106627

Finding it really hard to be sexually attracted to my boyfriend after he just quit his job and has been sitting around the house doing nothing while I still work. He wasn't doing chores or helping at all until I said it's hard to be in the mood when I come home from work and nothing is done. All he's been doing is cooking and then he started complaining that I'm selfish for making sandwiches for myself or whatever. Now he's complaining I don't fuck him and asking me if I want to break up. Whenever I try to explain what's bothering me it's always some problem I created in my head or whatever.

Anonymous 106641

Well it looks like he's at a very low point. If he doesn't pull himself together like an adult with bills to pay you have no reason to stay with him.

Anonymous 106659

I really like my friend's boyfriend, they are cute but I love him so much and would rather have him with me, but I know what I'm feeling is bad; i've been having intrusive thoughts about it for some time now

Anonymous 106714

It's nothing to feel ashamed of. Don't tell your boyfriend and wank to the thought of his friend. Simple.

Anonymous 106959

I think you need to reread their post.

Anonymous 106970

>>106959 Yes true
The situation is way harder than what I misread. It's sad and probably very hurting. I'd say anon should try not to hang out with her friend and her boyfriend, just with her friend alone. There are millions of excuses: from saying you don't like the guy and have been hiding it for a while to pretending you have some sort of social anxiety and don't like hanging out with people that aren't that close to you.

Anonymous 106978

talked to one of the cutest most charming boys online recently, i'm in love~
but why do so many guys i get a connection like that with turn out to be gay tho

Anonymous 107017

Nona here, unfortunely they are inseparable, I never see them apart, and lies don't work on her, she knows me closely, guess I'll just have to wait until they break up…

Anonymous 107019

> many guys i get a connection like that with turn out to be gay tho
Don't let that stop you nona! Peg him

Anonymous 107030


Should I tell my boyfriend or keep my mouth shut?

My boyfriend would like to send out personalized christmas cards this year, which to me, makes it seem like we're a married couple/unit or something. However, we agreed pretty early on in the relationship that we would break up within the next few years brcause we want different things in life. He also won't say "I love you" to me because "he just likes me romantically, he's not in love with me". I'm not head over heels for him either but I would at least say "I love you" without a particularly deep meaning. It pisses me off that he's trying to give this fake/wholesome image of our relationship to his friends/family when its far from reality. He's expecting me to send these cards to my parents as well, which makes my stomach turn, because I don't want to lie to them for his benefit.

Should I tell him I don't want those fake fucking cards, knowing it will probably start a fight?

To clarify, I'm still with him because he has plenty of good sides and I'm scared I won't find someone else (severe social anxiety).

Anonymous 107031

To clarify, I wouldn't actually send my parents any cards, I would just pretend I did to avoid an argument

Anonymous 108190

Idk this is just kind of sweet. I have experienced SA a couple of times in my life. My boyfriend knows this and is very sympathetic about it. The other day I was watching the last duel with him and when the rape scene came on he covered my eyes and just started talking over the movie. I didn’t ask him to do that or anything. He got so upset about me seeing the scene his hands were shacking. He just feels this need to protect me. I’m pretty sure he’s the only decent man left.

Anonymous 108238


I developed a crush on an older girl I met less than 1 month ago. We had amazing chemistry right off the bat and I could tell we were super compatible. On NYE we hung out, I was super drunk and made two(?) passes at her while we were both drunk half-asleep in her bed. I don’t remember much of it because I was blackout intoxicated but I remember we were spooning and at some point I slid my hand underneath her shirt and down her pants I think twice(?) and she politely slid my hand out of her pants and back onto her tummy underneath her shirt. I remember her skin being soft and warm. After that all I remember is waking up the next day. I apologized twice both IRL and by text and she seemed to be forgiving and even joked about it a little, but we haven’t really talked since Jan 2 and I get sick just thinking about it all and I feel even more sick writing this post now. Above all I feel disgusted by myself

Anonymous 109431

where did you find him………

Anonymous 110581

in the schizoid corners of her mind

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