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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Anonymous 99722

how do you successfully manage to stay friends post-break up? What do you do if the survival of your entire friend group depends on that?

Anonymous 99744

you don't. sorry to be harsh, but that's just how it is. unless you're married and have kids that'll motivate you to remain cordial with one another, friendship doesn't survive a breakup. you or they might pretend for a while, but that's just because one of you is holding out hope of getting back together, and once you or they realize that's not happening, which is depressing to see and turns to bitterness and resentment pretty quick, which is just awful to see.

tear that bandaid off quick

Anonymous 99747

Well, the thing is that if you truly loved each other you won't be able to be friends again most likely, and if you do, it will never be the same.
I broke up with my ex about two/half a year ago and we pretty much despised each other and it ruined the whole friend group we had at the time, everyone had something against each other and everyone parted ways.

but a few months ago we did get in touch and talked about what happened, and now we are on semi-good terms and we talk kinda often and we are good friends again, but I'm sure there is still bad blood between us because of how the breakup went and how we handled it, but I think that's all because of how long we have known each other and we are really bonded together in some way.

Anonymous 99822

NTA but what if he admitted to not loving me? I am not sure I did either or if I just got too attached. There are no hate towards each other but he only seems to tolerate me without actually, you know, showing emotional closeness even though he proposed to remain friends himself. Guess I'm a bad friend then.

Anonymous 99823

If he never loved you good riddance. I know it’s hard, but why would you want to even be friends with someone who lied about loving you? You deserve better friends! Idk, being friends with moids post break up always seems to benefit them more anyways

Anonymous 99846

>tear that bandaid off quick
so are you suggesting cutting ties with the whole friend group? leave the group chat? these people did nothing wrong and I dont want to ruin their good time by causing drama not related to them. What should I Do if someone I like makes the mistake of liking someone I dont like?

Anonymous 99851

not suggesting you cut off ties with the whole group - it's possible to maintain friendships with people who are friends of an ex - but if you're certain that it's not going to work out between you two, then the last thing you want is to give your ex any hint (intentional or unintentional) that there's still a chance of things working out, and that pretty much rules out maintaining any kind of casual friendship with them. that's what i meant by tearing off the bandaid rather than letting things linger.

i've made that mistake, tried to remain friends with a guy i broke up with because i cared about him and didn't want to cut him out of my life completely, but it wound up hurting both of us more in the long run - he didn't move on because he kept holding out hope that we might get back together, and i didn't feel comfortable letting any of my relationships get serious while he was still a very present part of my life. it got to the point where i was actively hating him for staying around and hating myself for letting him stay around. cutting him out of my life hurt, and not all of my friendships survived unscathed, but it wasn't until i finally did that that both of us were able to move on.

Anonymous 99852

this is why you don't date someone in your friend group

Anonymous 99889

How long exactly did it take from break-up to cutting him of completely?

Anonymous 100055

we tried to stay friends for a few years after breaking up. initially it was okay and at the time it felt right because i obviously still cared a lot about them and wanted to keep them in my life because we'd been together a few years, but in retrospect it was very obvious that they agreed to stay friends in the hope that it would mean the relationship rekindling at some point. leading them on like that obviously wasn't the intention of trying to stay friends, but it had the same result, which wasn't fair to either of us.

Anonymous 101676

Bugs tex.gif

Shit, that depends on how the two of you want to work that out. If it was on good terms then you just have to keep your boundaries nice and firm. Friends. Nothing more.

>What do you do if the survival of your entire friend group depends on that?
If your entire friend group depends on you remaining friends with your ex, then they aren't a very good group of friends.

Find better friends.

There's nothing wrong with dating someone in the friend group. Just don't make it weird.

Anonymous 101785

depends why you broke up and how long you were dating for. if it was serious then don't try to be friends. if you have to interact just be polite but don't try to be besties. don't be weird to them about dating someone else

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