can one of the mods please copy what was on my detleted thread Anonymous 11396
I wrote something on a thread last night called confessions thread, it was a really long text block. Could you please copy and paste what I wrote in the second post so I may post it elsewhere? thank you.
Anonymous 11397
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im not a mod. im not sure why your thread was deleted. but here.
its great you feel better now nona. i hope things work out for you.
Anonymous 11398
I made the thread because there is something l need to get off my chest and I have no one else to tell.
I recently lost my job, I've been with this company for several years, at that location for 2 years, and in my profession for a decade. Basically, since I was in high school I got the same kind of job I have today. Or had, until recently. I had a mental break about a week ago, quit, and haven't gone back. I don't regret it at all.
Working there made me suicidal. I gained so much weight because all I would ever eat was the junk food I could get my hands on during my breaks because I didn't have time to get anything healthier, or energy to make anything beforehand. I gained 100 pounds in like 5 years. I hate the way I look. I hated everything about that job, the customers, the employees, the management, the store, and the company itself. I would constantly fantasize about killing myself, or hope that the store would get shot up or burnt down do I'd never have to be there again.
Every day I hoped on the way to work I'd get hit by a car, or that the store would get robbed, anything so I could go home. In the decade of retail I worked nothing was ever anywhere near as bad at that store, not even that store but that specific location. I would get drunk all the time just to escape it all. I considered going back to cutting too, despite being clean since 2019.
I'm so fucking happy I left. I was worried about being hungry and stuff, but tbh the hunger is worth it. Not only am I losing weight but the hunger pain is nothing compared to the fucking dread and depression I felt going there every day. It's freeing. I have a few hundred dollars saved up. Originally, I was just going to get another job. I put in for something, I was pretty hyped for it, and I ended up not getting it.
But now, honestly? I think I'm just going to stay unemployed. Maybe I'll feel otherwise after a while, but I was blowing all the cash I had anyway and I live with my mom. I don't feel bad leaching off her like this. She left my siblings and me when we were younger. She abandoned us and put us through a fuck ton of trauma. I figure this is the least she can do. I'm pretty confident she's willing.
I don't feel bad for applying for unemployment either. I no longer feel like I owe anything to society. I'd rather rot in my room than rot in that fucking store. I'm hoping I can still make some money off commissions, both art and written. But yeah, for now, I feel content just watching what little money I have left. I'm so much happier this way. I know my friends and family are going to judge me, I've never gone more than a month without a job as an adult, even during COVID, so I'm sure this will come as a surprise. I'm tired of being a hard worker. I'm so much happier like this.
