/x/ - /x/

I don't know if this is considered sleep paralysis per se since i did not see shadow people or any of the sort, but i still consider it to be.

Once i was sleeping on my back (seems to be when happens most) and i woke up and couldn't move, i was incredibly weirded out because i kept hearing small soft feather like footsteps, then i felt something move around for a while, i couldn't see it, but i could feel it. A few seconds/minutes passed, and this cold air kept on moving my hair, i had goosebumps all over my body, then i suddenly heard whispering in my ear that wouldn't stop, it was incoherent, it made no sense just scrambled words, and this incredibly cold air keep hitting my ear every single word. All though this i could hear there was something by my side, leaning closely into me and breathing into my ear, occasionaly grazing my face, touching it, but without any kind of material feel to it, kind of like when your muscles contract alone, it was a weird sensation.
I couldn't look toward it, i could barely move anything within my body, just hear the constant whisper on my ear while trying to scream for help but nothing coming out of my mouth.

I was informed about sleep paralysis before, so i tried the pinky trick (move your pinky slightly or move your eyes a lot, and it should "activate" your brain) and it worked and it all went away but i was drenched in sweat and almost crying.

Never been as freaked out in my life, since i was completely alone in my home, it couldn't have been a prank by a family member, so i assumed it was sleep paralysis, since i was "awake" for it to be a dream.


Another time, that it wasn't as scary but it gave me a lifetime fear:
I woke up one morning very tired and went to nap for five more minutes, i was laying on my side, facing a wall, "woke up" but couldn't move an inch of my body, my brain was asleep and i could only see the wall in front of me, i couldn't move my head but assumed i could and i just could not see any other thing that wasn't completely white. I thought i had gone completely blind for 30 minutes while i tried to scream to no avail thanks to sleep paralysis. I am now terrified of going blind more than anything.

I've experienced it like 2.5 times. The scariest was when I suddenly "woke up" to a lot of white noise and static and this shadowy figure was hanging around the end of my bed. The noise started getting louder and louder until he climbed over me, screaming, and climbed into my throat. Spooky.

I've experienced it a couple times and it's awful. I saw a troll like monster and I was afraid it was going to rape me. Not fun.

I get sleep paralysis on average once a month, but I only ever have auditory hallucinations, no visual or tactile.

I kind of like how it feels, though I've never met anyone else who feels that way.

If you get sleep paralysis the trick is to start by wiggling just your toes or fingers, and work up to moving your whole body. I'd also recommend not going directly to sleep after exiting sleep paralysis since I usually end up right back in sleep paralysis if I do that. Instead, sit up in bed, turn the lights on, and allow yourself to wake up a little bit more first. I'm less likely to fall back into sleep paralysis that way.

One time my eyes were open and I all of a sudden, I saw the entire house shaking and heard tornado sirens going off. I tried getting up once but me being the suicidal retard I am, I also just kinda laid there too tired to give a fuck about what was going on and I thought "fuck this, I'm just going to try and go back to sleep". My eyes opened back up and in a flash second, everything just stopped. I woke up for real and there wasn't any noise or shaking. I'm still not sure if I was dreaming about a tornado or earthquake. I'm not certain if tornadoes can shake a house or not, even with all the wind.

I've also experienced numerous hypnopompic hallucinations for months and months but don't get them anymore. The most dangerous one was feeling and hearing bugs crawling/flying around inside of my face. I thought it was real because I was half asleep and kept wacking my face all over. I slapped my nose pretty good and it hurt for a few hours.
Some other ones were hearing a demonic male voice say "Hey" to me in the middle of sleeping, hearing bombs exploding, doors banging, and listening to someone walking in my room.

>>34
That's incredibly scary, anon. I'd be terrified for a long time if any of these happened to me. Real or not, these things can really mess with a person.

I've had very minor incidents, where I couldn't move for a few moments, but NOTHING whatsoever of the intensity you all are describing. Just how common is this?

Happened to me only once - I heard some little kids continually laughing outside of my room. They began laughing faster and faster until it eventually became a high pitched monotone screech. I kept my eyes mostly shut, because I had read about sleep paralysis and I was afraid of what I might see. I think I did open my eyes once and couldn't see anything out of the ordinary.

It wasn't as bad as what some other people experience, but it was still 2spooky and I hope it never happens again.

>>37
>I kind of like how it feels, though I've never met anyone else who feels that way.
Me neither, this is a first. I like it when it happens not so much because it feels good (it's still scary) but because it feels so completely abnormal. Like a true paranormal experience.

>>41
Yeah, I feel similarly. It's also quite cathartic to me, after I wake up it's a similar feeling to the release you feel after crying or screaming really loud.

At the peak of my depression I had a mix of sleep paralysis and night terrors.

What made it worse is that my partner sleep talks and occasionally sleep walks. Imagine being frozen, not able to move, and you feel like something is gonna get you.

Then suddenly the person next to you starts talking in tongues and thrashing around.

MFW.

I've had it twice in my life.

The first time I had it I woke up couldn't move and all that shit.
It felt like my bed was shaking and there was just a huge feeling of panic. I kept trying to move and then I felt like a warm rubbing feeling on the back of my head. I'm not sure if it was my cat rubbing against my head or if it was something else but I felt relaxed and went to bed right after.
I get panic attacks in my sleep often so I'm sure it was related to that.

The last time I had it I woke up and I just wanted to scream, I kept trying to but nothing was coming out. I realized I was having sleep paralysis so I wiggled my toes and my fingers until I could move the rest of my body

>>35
The white noise for real is so scary i feel like im in some kind of marble hornets video and it's the signifying sound that something bad is gonna happen

>>43
>Then suddenly the person next to you starts talking in tongues and thrashing around.
>MFW
This made me lose it but i hope youre better now anon



My sleep paralysis occured twice, the first time was imagining my mother walking in my room and catching me with my laptop open. It doesn't sound scary but she would become livid if she knew i was going online at night, not to mention she had a hairline temper and would go from calm to mad if she thought i wasnt listening to her. She would often ask me "what did i just say?", and so the white noise was stressing me out because i couldnt hear what she was saying. When i tried closing the laptop i couldnt move and damn, i woke up in a cold sweat, crying.

Ghosts are nothing! A depressed and angry mother is hell. Later i learned she was being bullied at work and it was why she was angry all the time. Ntm she was a single mother too since my dad actually kicked me and her out when i was a baby because he owned the house and wanted to split up.

The second time it happened was because unlike >>37 i went straight back to sleep and hallucinated i was getting robbed.

The white noise started and I could hear these voices talking about what to steal. I had this giant full length mirror we had aquired from my aunt to "look after" because she had no space for it at hers, just resting against my bedside cabinet. I was planning on pushing that down on the two robbers if they came closer. (Kid logic) But then as they got closer they sounded like my sister and her boyfriend, and the white noise became louder and louder and i woke up sweating just as much as i had before. I still cried but this time I was crying more out of relief than anything.

Then i stayed up until i had to go to school. When I went home that day I slept like i was dead from 4pm-3am ㅎㅂㅎ

i've had sleep paralysis only twice in my life. the first time was when i was 14 and i woke up on my back suddenly, but couldn't move or speak. i was freaking out and trying to call out for my mom, but i just ended up going back to sleep. the second time was when i was 17 and i was in bed with my boyfriend. i woke up on my back again, and he wasn't facing towards me. i went back to sleep immediately. both times i didn't hear/see anything because i kinda thought i was gonna die and accepted it and just went back to bed lol.

I've been experiencing sleep paralysis since my sophomore year of college. Back then, it happened almost every time I took a nap (a combination of stress + alcohol + insomnia, I think). I only opened my eyes once or twice & I was never freaked out by what I'd seen, though one time when I opened my eyes I had a vision of myself opening my curtains and seeing a UPS truck pull up to my apartment, and when I woke up, I was so convinced i had a package waiting for me that I obsessively checked my mailbox for days expecting something to be there.

Sleep paralysis is very infrequent for me now, but on the rare occasions it happens, it's terrible. Even with my eyes closed, I feel like a terrible dark force is crushing my chest/suffocating me/screaming so loud I'm going to go deaf. The thing is, I know it's sleep paralysis & I do everything in my power to wake up from it, but it's so fucking hard to snap out of it. Ugh.

I'm almost positive that I've experienced it once. It's pretty anticlimactic, but it's the feeling I had before I fell asleep that always bothers me.

I was on a roadtrip with my mother on the way back from college, and we had to stop at a hotel. Our room was huge, and it basically had two rooms but there was no door, it was just an open space, with two beds side by side. I didn't get any "bad vibes" from the hotel necessarily, until we laid down to go to sleep. No lights or TV on, but I'm usually not afraid of the dark or get creeped out by that. Now I always have trouble falling asleep. It usually takes me about 2 hours to get to sleep once I lay down, so of course my mother falls asleep before me. So while I was trying to get to sleep for some reason I had this feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach and I did NOT want to risk opening my eyes. In my head I just kept thinking "if you open your eyes you're going to see something you don't want to see." No matter what I tried to think about, that same sentence kept coming back to me. It was like an intrusive thought. Eventually I pulled the covers over my head so that I could 'safely' open my eyes because I was too tempted to open them. But I was scared to look over into the other part of the room.

So that feeling persisted until I fell asleep. I didn't hear or see anything. I wake up a little while later, while it's still dark, and I can't move. I'm laying on my back with my head turned to the right facing the other bed, and my right arm is hanging off the bed. I can't move anything. I'm trying desperately to speak so I can wake my mom up, but I physically can't speak or move. I have that same feeling of dread and impending doom that I had before I fell asleep, but I still dont actually see or hear anything that I should be afraid of. I don't remember how long this lasted or how it ended, but eventually I just fell back asleep I guess. I didn't see any figures, or feel anyone sitting on top of me, or any of the common sleep paralysis symptoms.

Idk this experience really creeped me out for a while, because it's like I knew I was going to experience something uncomfortable before it even happened. I was of course exhausted from driving all day, and stressed/anxious because I was moving home, so I don't know if that contributed. I haven't experienced anything similar since then.

my experiences started off with being terrified and feeling dread, i don't recall seeing any shadow people? eventually it happened so much i was intrigued at trying to find a way to scream. then i learned how to snap out of it by "letting go" and falling into a lucid dream that i had more control over.

The first time I was misprescribed lithium I was in a combo of feeling "elevated" like my soul was pulling from my body and sleep paralysis. I would never recommend lithium to anyone. I've never had it to a point of hallucination but the feeling my my body and my soul departing two different directions scared me.

>>389
wtf the same happened to me on lithium. weird shit. i wouldnt recomment that to anyone tbh.

i havent had many SP episodes but most of them were scary asf. I usually see a small demon walking around my bed while I try to scream and ask for help because I think hes going to rape me. NOT FUN.

I have it very, very often. Basically at least once a week, though it happens a lot less if I'm in a comfortable environment and there are no stressors.

I even get paralysis when I'm awake. I've only known one other person who experiences the same thing. I brought up that it feels like a "sinking" feeling, and that if I don't move my body RIGHT then, I cannot move and my breathing slows. If I panic, my breathing feels like it slows even more (but I've been dealing with this since I was a child, so I know it's just the panic and that I can breathe).

Sleep paralysis is terrifying. I don't think there's a cure, since it has to deal with the sleep part of the brain. I also "dream" when I have awake paralysis, but it's more like spontaneous hallucination that tends to disappear once I can move my body again.

For any anons who have habitual sleep paralysis, try to make noise if you live with people. My grandfather would make a moaning noise and we would know to shake him so he could move again. If yours is worse and you're unable to (like my mother and I), then start off by concentrating on moving a single finger. I always focus on my pinky, because its the easiest. Once you can move that, then move the rest of your fingers and your hand. Then you should snap out of it. It might take a few minutes, but it always works. Then you can breathe normally again. And for the love of god DO NOT lay back down, do not go back to sleep because you WILL end up paralyzed again, but this time the hallucinations will be stronger and more terrifying. I don't know why it works this way, and it may just be me, but that's how it always happens.

>>436
I'd be able to write a book with all the experiences I've had during paralysis, but not all of them were necessarily terrifying.

One that was fun looking back on it but scary at the time was that I was sleeping on the couch at my aunt's house. I was in a strange half awake, half dream state where I could hear the people talking around me, but I couldn't see anything other than what I was dreaming. In the dream, I was in an autumn forest, leaves covering the ground entirely, and I stood in front of a stump. A kid in a mask was standing on the stump, and explained that I wouldn't be able to wake up again unless I played a game with him. Very mischievous type of character. At this point in the dream, I'm terrified because never in my life have I been able to hear people and still be dreaming, so I think that my body is actually paralyzed and go along with it. The game basically amounted to hide and seek, where I have to stumble around this forest, dark and full of towering redwoods all multicolored and expected to find a kid who's dressed in all brown and blending in to the scenery.

The reason this experience is so memorable is because I had to do this while hearing my family members for over 4 hours. I have never been paralyzed for that long. I could hear them say things like, "Wow, is she still asleep?" "Yeah, you know anon is a heavy sleeper." All the while, I'm having to listen for this kid's creepy giggles and find which tree he's in before he gets bored of waiting and moves to another. After a long, long while, I finally catch the kid and, surprisingly true to his word, he disappears and I wake up. It's 2pm. I've been in this state since before 11, for sure, because I remember one of my family members mentioning the time as they were getting ready.

I know it seems really silly, but that shit scared the shit out of me. I've never been paralyzed that long, and I didn't sleep for several days after that experience. That was a few years ago now, and looking back on it, it was kind of a cool experience. I lucid dream pretty often, but not in a situation where I'm completely out of control but I'm expected to still control myself. So it was interesting.

I actually want to have a new sleep paralysis episode. It's a spooky feeling, yeah, and the last time I had one I thought I was going to be raped by a demon. But now that I know what it is, and that I'm not actually being attacked by imps, I'd be willing to have one again for the spooks.

>>389
Interesting that you mention that, my psych said I'd get weird dreams on lithium. I don't remember having any though.

The first time I had sleep paralysis, I thought I was dying because I had a fever. When I discovered what had really happened, I used it (the WILD technique) for lucid dreaming. It's scary at first, but it's a useful and easy way to start practicing it.

It's common for figures to touch or pick me up during sleep paralysis. Kinda creepy how real it feels. I find it's easier to experience it if you sleep on your back.

Pic related is what my first sleep paralysis looked like. Shit was scary, so now I choose to keep my eyes closed. Doesn't keep me from hearing or feeling things though.

>>515
Dropped pic

I used to experience sleep paralysis and hypnopompic hallucinations a lot when I was into lucid dreaming exercises, so I stopped: never experienced them again. It was scary.
The worst paralysis+hallucination experience I've had consisted in me looking around the room from my bed, not being able to move a finger, while a strange figure slowly raised itself from behind my sister's bed next to mine.
It was a woman with very pale skin, white clothes and long dark hair that however didn't cover her face. Her face was the scariest thing I've ever seen, and trust me, I've watched a lot of horror stuff and NOTHING compares to what I've seen that day.
Now standing on her feet, she stared at me with her eyes wide open, from behind my sister's sleeping body. Then she put her hands on my sister's body to give herself leverage and crawl towards me, slowly, with her head pointing forward, without blinking. Just staring at me. She also had the creepiest, faint smile on her face. She was seriously trying to move her face closer just to scare me.
I was frightened and I hope it never happens again. Fuck lucid dreaming, I can live without it.

I’ve only had sleep paralysis three times.

The first time, I didn’t see or hear anything but at that time I knew what sleep paralysis was, and because I was terrified of hallucinating, I somehow mentally thrashed my body and woke myself up.

Second time was the worst. I heard several faint, incoherent whispers and shrieks in my ear. Then, my door was opened by a blurry figure whose body looked like it had been unevenly scribbled-in with a black crayon and was “cartoon-ishly” shaped (sort of like the male bathroom symbol). He was irregularly coming towards me. I had a feeling of dread and somehow knew that he was “bad”. I mentally tried moving my fingers, then tried violently thrashing my body and screaming at the top of my lungs, but it was all futile. The whole episode lasted less than a minute. It is probably one of the most frightening things I have ever experienced. I think it’s also interesting to note that during this episode, there were minor changes in my surroundings. For example, my TV sat atop the dresser in the bedroom in which this occured, but during the sleep paralysis, it was propped up on the wall.

The third time I’ve had sleep paralysis, I had just exited a dream where I was with some sort of scientist. I don’t remember what he was saying, but in some old-timey, upper-class British accent a phrase he had said to me echoed a couple of times while I stared at the bedroom ceiling and then I woke myself up.

Each time I woke up I’ve been a little disappointed that the experience is so completely petrifying because I’d love to explore that realm of consciousness more, if that makes sense. I’ve also found that in all these instances, I was laying on my back. Since then, I’ve never slept on my back because I’m too scared of having another episode.

Sorry for necromancing, but I thought this thread was interesting

>>33
I get sleep paralysis CONSTANTLY. Every person I talk to that has experienced it, has experienced it a couple times in their life, for a minute or less, where as I get it weekly, sometimes multiple times a fucking day, and I hate it.

It's accompanied by horrific auditory and tactile hallucinations that feel so fucking real. My mother has schizophrenia, and I've always been paranoid of developing it, so when I hallucinate, it really fucking scares me.

I usually get "molested" or "raped" in my sleep, and I… feel… it, which is beyond disturbing. I have an issue with waking up, mid sleep-paralysis, and being so tired, I can't bring myself to wake up, and I fall asleep again, and get sleep paralysis AGAIN, and again, and again, all throughout the nightmare, and it won't stop unless I COMPLETELY wake myself up fully, and go back to sleep. If I try to go back to sleep when I'm still in that half asleep state, the hallucinations will keep coming.

I also always get a THROBBING migraine afterward. It's extremely weird… why rape? I've never been raped in real life, but I have these weird sexual molestation sleep paralysis-nightmares constantly, and it disgusts me.

>>1608
late but you are literally being haunted…see a catholic, anglican, or orthodox priest. in the meantime:

dsgdsgsdgsd

I found a way to wake up from sleep paralysis, basically instead of moving your arms/legs, because you can't, I force my shoulders/torso to twist, it's a very sudden movement like a jerk but if I do it, it lets me snap out of it, I hope it helps any of you here

I've only had it happen to me once when I was down with a fever years ago, lying in a different bedroom than the one I always slept in. Though I didn't hear or see anything out of the ordinary I could feel my chest being crushed as if something incredibly heavy was sitting on it. Had this not happened in broad daylight and/or without me quickly realizing it was "just" sleep paralysis I would've freaked the fuck out. Really glad not to have encountered a cursed hellspawn observing or towering over me, as interesting as those are to read about in others' stories.

Sleep with and around other people and it goes away for a lot of people.

Only once, where I was awake and had a giraffe stading next to my bed looking at me for several minutes.
It didn't really say anything, and I didn't feel scared or nervous, it was quite a solemn and peaceful moment.

The giraffe was gone after a few minutes, and I could move again.

I only had sleep paralysis when i was sleeping naked. The damn ghost that cause me sleep paralysis was a damn pervert.

>>1716
What did it do?

>>1717
That sob trynna grab my tits and crawl between my chest, i swear to god i could feel its hair drooping down. Yikes indeed.

>>1721
Are they free to haunt? lol

>>1722
im honestly disapointed in u anon…

>>1723
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

ive experienced it a bunch of times, its definitely an evil spirit. sometimes its stronger than others but i'm usually able to shake my leg out of it enough to disrupt the whole thing.

Once I woke up in the middle of the night. I tried to go back to sleep, and after I don't know how long I heard the window behind me open. The only thing that mentally said was "I caught you in the act", "don't bother to come", and other rhetorical forms. Well, that was until later I felt a hand cover my mouth and a knife squeeze my back. At that moment I felt a deep terror, and I began to think about my loved ones, although inside I only felt that impulse to want to turn towards the window. After a few minutes I was able to pull it off, only to see nothing.

ffgjf

>>33
I've had sleep paralysis, but I didn't have demons or anything like that. I just needed to move so I could fucking breath and couldn't.

>>33
I've experienced it before and had OBE when trying to move. I find that sleeping on my side helps me avoid it. And if I'm on my back, I find that sleeping without a pillow/without anything elevating my head/shoulders helps. Idk why, but keeping my head/shoulders at a higher level then the rest of my body somehow makes sleep paralysis/nightmares more likely.

Yes I have sleep paralysis all the fucking time. I hate it. I never see anything but I do have this overwhelming sense of dread that something is watching me from a place I can't see.
One time though it was kind of funny
>Having sleep paralysis
>Sleep paralysis spirit whispering to me
>I mumble back "I can't stand lettuce"
>Sleep paralysis spirit lets out long, drawn out sigh
>I can suddenly move

I don't get sleep paralysis very often but when I do I just… close my eyes and go back to sleep. I don't know but it works for me.
>>3379
Fucking kek, that's hilarious

When I have sleep paralysis I talk telepathically with the demon next to me, he/she is so funny

>>3390
What kind of fucking alpha female shit are you on that you jolt awake into the terror of sleep paralysis and you just close your God damn eyes and go back to sleep

>>3580
Kek like I said I don't get sleep paralysis very often so I'm not sure how this works. I've maybe experienced it 3 or 4 times in my lifetime and each time, my sleep-addled brain's first response was
>fuck this shit I'm going back to sleep
I think it might have something to do with the fact that I experimented a lot with lucid dreaming in the past. I guess all those years I spent obsessively cataloguing dream signs weren't a total waste; at least I won't panic when freaky shit happens :')

I've only ever experienced it 3 times, two fairly recently (Within the last 3 months).
The first time was when I was a kid, purely visual hallucinations, there were masks of all different sizes and colors nailed up covering the wall, smiling and making faces at me. They were super shadowy and difficult to see well.

Second time, lasted for a really short time, spent the whole time actively struggling to escape to no avail. Saw a shadowy figure in the corner of the room, and heard chainsaw noises drawing nearer and nearer to me from the back room.

Third time, I think it morphed from a dream- there was this weird alieny merman looking dude on the bed next to me. I turned around to be the little spoon, and then I was locked in place and the paralysis started. The alien guy was kissing the back of my neck and doing horrid ASMR whispering in my ear while I was paralyzed. I got out of the paralysis, and my eyes were already legit open, it was so surreal to turn back around in bed and have the bizarre creature man be gone. It felt so real, gives me the chills just writing about it.

>>3601
this makes sense. instead of panicking more and feeding into the fear of the situation you somehow let go and let your attention drift off again. by instinctively not fighting the sleep paralysis, you're able to fall back asleep and can wake up normally again

I get it pretty often, but I know it happens whenever I have a bad sleep schedule. As in, I go to sleep really late. I had one last night, I felt like some weird cat like thing was knawing on my hand. Usually tho, I feel like only my eyes can open and I simply cant move. If I try to yell, nothing comes out. What I usually do is "attempt" to twist my head. Even though I know it wont move, it's just instinctive, and eventually I wake up. Problem is, if I try to go back to sleep, it often happens again. If prevention doesnt work, after I wake up from sleep paralysis, I try to fully wake up my brain by moving around or getting up, then try to go back to sleep. Kinda like a soft reset. That or I just try to go back to real sleep while in sleep paralysis, but that's usually annoying.

I've had it four times. I'd really rather not discuss it since I'm afraid making active efforts to recall those situations will make it happen tonight, much like lucid dreams, but tbh it's sort of cool so I want to share anyway.

The way it happens I "wake up" while it's still dark. I open my eyes and look around the room idly for a bit and then something catches my eye. It's the same person each time, a woman standing just around the corner, her face directly towards me, but she's positioned in a way the wall/closet/whatever hides most of her face. I can see her eyewhite but the pupil is hidden by the object she's behind.

I have some sort of awareness that she's holding an axe. She's not trying to hide it from me or anything, she just happens to hold it a way I can't see it properly, sometimes I catch part of the handle if I can make it out in the dark. She never moves, I don't think she blinks, she just stands there with her axe.

In the moment it's happening I can't recall the previous occurrences and I don't even know I'm paralyzed, I just stay still and stare at the part of her face that's visible. I feel sick and derealized and can't seem to bring myself to even try to do anything but look at her and wait. Eventually I fall back asleep or snap awake properly.

My sleep paralysis demon is 45-50 years old, dark hair in a ponytail, wears a shabby windbreaker. I mistook it for my stepmom the first time due to the vaguely similar hairstyle and since we were at the cottage with just her, my father and me. I fell asleep instead of seeing it disappear so I was very worried in the morning. But when I saw my stepmom again I realized it couldn't have been her.

It felt 100% real and the memories are exactly as real as the memories of having seen any other person. I would've been convinced it really happened if I didn't happen to have gone through a lucid dreaming phase recently and wasn't aware of sleep paralysis. I wonder if the lucid dreaming shit is what triggered it. I sort of want to try again but those dreams started getting very scary and out of control towards the end of it, and honestly, axe lady makes me uncomfortable even if she hasn't really done anything so far