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No faith but spiritual needs Anonymous 3546

Title says it all. It is kind of weird. I do not believe in anything super natural right now though I have tried getting in touch with God and/or traditional faith. There is a strong craving for spiritual guidance and serving a master. Still I am unable to believe in anything. It is a thirst that can't be quenched. When I dived back into Christianity I could not trust that our Lord is good at all. That's when I started to read some lost scriptures discussing that Elohim (God) actually created this world to fulfill his sadistic needs and that Jesus is a deity from another world who came to save us from our creator. Which kinda makes sense since Jesus is deviating quite a bit from the old testament. This may sound irrelevant but it actually made me hate abrahamic religions even more because those guys would not think twice about their sources and/or God's motivation. Sorry I kind of lost the focus. The point is that I want to serve a deity, a god who is in close contact with me. Not some cause like helping social institutions (people hurt me too much), I'm talking about being a messenger or pilgrim. I hate myself, I hate this world and no social interactions or materialism can build up my hopes for a better tomorrow. It is all worthless. I would shed a tear if I could but I'm all dried out. Why do I have the desire for an imaginary friend?

There… was just one time a being in my dream. I giant phoenix carved into a rock in the montains. It appeared to be of native american origin. It did not speak but it's glowing eyes gazed into me. There I was dancing and performing rituals to pay my respects and it did something to me. I was burning but I felt like being in ecsteasy. The only time this need was fulfilled. But I never heard of this deity before and never again. I lost it's track, I want it back.

Anonymous 3547

Go hiking alone and meditate. You don't need a God per se, just a connection to the land itself.

Anonymous 3548

I second this.

Anonymous 3552

Take psychedelics, you're obviously not spiritually in tune when in a sober state, so amp it up. Your post is so melodramatic it indicates you're probably depressed as well and not enjoying the life you're living anyway, so there's not even the "ruin your life" angle that could stop you.

Anonymous 3556


OP here.

I've been doing this sometimes but I feel nothing. I danced, I prayed and I layed naked in the woods for hours but there's just nothing. I fail to connect to anything.

I did drugs in the past and I really miss LSD. It gave me a sense of purpose. I did not take it for partying etc, like you said I only used it for spirituality (and coming to terms with myself) in small doses. However my parents found out about my "drug abuse" (cough) and forced me to flush my stock into the toilette. It's been so long that I don't know any dealers anymore so it's hard to get. Also my bf won't accept me taking any drugs. I made alcohol my habbit because it's legal, accepted and makes me numb. Weed ain't an option either, it's still illegal here and I get sick from smoking it.

BTW: I'v been in therapy because of suicidal tendencies and depression all my life. I'm kind of stable now and I fear that psychedelics will fuck up my education. Then again, I hate my life already. Still I got no dealers and I don't want to associate with junkie trash (420 blaze it moids, let me grab your tits for some free stuff).

Anonymous 3558

Why does life need a purpose besides doing whatever things feel enjoyable? I used to be really depressed until I finally realized there's no singular point in living and that's okay. I just do boring shit so I can do cool things like isolate myself in the woods or play video games or travel or get high once in a while, and those moments are good enough to outweigh how shit everything else is. Rituals and prayers aren't gonna bring you closer to a god you don't believe in, that includes the earth itself. The only way I can feel "connected" is through appreciation of things like culture or biodiversity or the processes that shaped our landscape. I achieve that through visiting places that are new. And that's okay 'cause do I really need to feel things that often? Nah.

Anonymous 3559

The hedonistic response is a simple and effective strategy yes.

Anonymous 3560

Is it hedonistic to realize that our lives are just a passing blip in the universe and so nothing really matters? If all your desperate prayers aren't reaching anyone and you know this, why do you cling to it? Do something else.

Anonymous 3561

>Is it hedonistic to realize that our lives are just a passing blip in the universe and so nothing really matters?
No, that's nihilism, which, if after accepting this point, you jump to
>Why does life need a purpose besides doing whatever things feel enjoyable? I
Then it becomes hedonism.
>If all your desperate prayers aren't reaching anyone and you know this, why do you cling to it?
For the record I'm not OP. Seeking spiritual relief is for people who are both tired of nihilism and hedonism most of the time.

Anonymous 3563

OP here, again.
Thanks a lot for your responses. Let's just say I am already a nihilist but it doesn't bring me much joy… like life in total haha. Don't get me wrong, I do cool stuff in my free time but these are all just distractions from life's daily suffering. I don't care that there's no afterlife, the trade-offs of being alive are just not viable. Work 8+ hours a day for what? Some enjoyable yet meaningless activities? Micro managing life is such a bitch, it's not worth it. The only reason not to kill myself out of philosophical conviction is that firearms are hard to come in my country and any other method is unsafe.

Anonymous 3564

Nihilism isn't supposed to bring a form of happiness, if you thought it was supposed to you're severely mistaken.

Anonymous 3565

I know, it's just a relief from the burden of """sin""" and other metaphysical burdens.

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