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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Relationship General Anonymous 68927

Paradise to trouble in paradise. Come here for:


>?s about romance, love, potential partners, etc.
>experiences and wishes

Play nice!

Anonymous 68930

I had a dream like this once where I was with my crush in an airport. We were a couple and I was really happy to be with him, but then our surroundings were getting fuzzy. He tells me that it's almost time for me to wake up from my dream and I was all "noooooo I want to stay with you" so he comforted me and reassured me that it was going to be okay, and held me as I eased into inevitable wakefulness.
Um, anyway, in a few weeks I am taking a plane to go see him. We aren't together but I'd really like to be… Anyone got general tips on starting things with a guy?

Anonymous 68932

i'm concerned for the future. my s.o. and i will be at two different schools for graduate school and will have to move away. thoughts on maintaining a relationship over long distance?

Anonymous 68997

aw man don't rly have good advice for y'all
have fun. make sure you guys pick decent places (I know if I was meeting up with someone I'd pick a fun activity like an arcade, then something more leisurely like a cafe). make sure the logistics are taken care of so there's no stress. and know this: if things don't escalate..chances are it wouldn't have been a very compatible relationship anyway.
I'm telling u this bc, well, if things don't work out then even doing some things differently wouldn't really have helped, or would lead to an awkward relationship. It's really not "oh I missed out on my chance!" in most cases.

also, avoid falling into bed with him, I know that sounds mean but it can be very tempting with all the built up tension…plus it's something I constantly hear happening in these sort of stories.

Anonymous 68998

well, how important is physicality in your relationship? if you two are cuddle/sex bugs constantly it might be extremely hard to transition. if you guys connect the most over talking to one another and etc., maybe it could work.

Anonymous 68999


anyway I wanted to ask a…peculiar question.
I've been thinking about my sexuality. Honestly, how fluid IS sexuality–particularly for those that really don't feel much?

I am a virgin in my 20s and quite frankly I'm not…even sure if I have actually been attracted to anyone in my life, at least in person. Vaguely I have talked to people online and after a few months, have felt something. I have been asked out a few times by hot girls and never by guys for some reason despite presenting super femininely, which I never really understood.

But, something gives me pause. There was a girl irl a few years ago I knew that was so cute to me on so many levels and really captivated me with what she just…was. It made me wonder. It wasn't like I ever looked at a guy IRL and wanted to kiss him. When I thought I had a crush it kinda turned out I just was interested in someone as a person.

And quite frankly I'm not a huge fan of guys in general. So, yeah, here I am. Wondering.

Anonymous 69006

I think how fluid sexuality is varies by person. I think a lot of straight people can under certain circumstances do gay things and vice versa. Like they aren't bisexual persay, but remember in the past when being gay was more stigmatized many gay men had wives and kids. Likewise straight men will often rape eachother in prison or the military, because there are no women and they would rather do something gay than nothing at all.

Anonymous 69008

As fluid as you want it to be. What you are describing is almost exactly what is written in that "am I a lesbian" masterdoc (a note: I personally do not believe any of those things make you a lesbian per se, as they can be common in bi or straight girls too). You don't need to assign yourself a label if you don't feel comfortable with it.
You can ask yourself what your sexual fantasies usually revolve around: females/female pleasure? How would you feel about sex with either gender? And if you were to kiss them, cuddle, have a serious relationship, etc?
Labels are not very important. Just remember you don't have to force yourself to like guys if you don't.

Anonymous 69106


venting mostly. I'm let down by my bf. look. I'm the last person to complain about such a thing, but…he spent 5 hours last night going over every statement like a court proceeding over something that happened last week–me having a panic attack then a small argument with him because he overstepped a small boundary of mine. I had to reread it because I was so out of it at the time. a lot of said was general or emotional, dramatic statements (not related to him) and said out of the heat of the moment. he ended up taking them as potentially what I truly feel even though I never even thought them before. it felt like some robotic court proceeding.

>this is a conversation…we're have a civil conversation (while guilt tripping me into staying)

>goes on for 100s of words, overexplaining/repeating things, ignoring what I say during it
>ends up suggesting that what I said during the panic attack was the real me
>where I actually fucked up/what lead up to it was ignored

so basically I had to answer for things that I didn't even mean. I don't know. Maybe I owed him a go-over, but the fact that he seemed to ignore all my emotions was….weird…and I don't really know how to describe it. In the past he has said hyperbolic things to get feelings/points across, so it isn't like he's a stranger to it.

Anonymous 69109

You sound like you have BPD.

Anonymous 69110

in what way? the last time I had a panic attack was many months ago, before last week. my mood is pretty even otherwise.

Anonymous 69111

Well, you said a bunch of mean stuff to your bf and you seem to think that's normal behavior, and the bf is in the wrong for wanting to talk about it instead of pretending nothing happened.
Seems kinda manipulative.

Anonymous 69112

but, anon, I'm not saying it's normal behavior. I was extremely ashamed of it and I expected us to talk about it. also, most of what I said was about society or cruel stuff about myself. It's just…what happened was barely communication.

i.e., if I said something about society, he demanded I fully explained myself over it and then insisted I went and found studies for us to dissect. most of those things weren't stuff I believed in or thought before yet he insisted was my real beliefs. i.e., for 30 minutes he ended up typing out information he found from one study that I already knew and said so, but he continued, ignoring me. half of the conversation was just statistics.
This happened over and over again; it wasn't even a good discussion on the subject of the points I made during my panic attack tbh.

he didn't once mention any emotions, any feelings, nor his feelings or…really how I fucked up overall, etc.

Anonymous 69113

oh, the part I was let down about is mostly my worry that any conflict is going to look like this with him acting like the issue is solely ideological/technical.

maybe it helped him at least.

Anonymous 69114

we're cuddle bugs and sex maniacs…it's over, isn't it?

Anonymous 69115

My mom described herself as not being interested in sex until she fell in love with my dad.
So it might just depend on how close you feel to someone.
Try developing a relationship that doesn't rely on sex.
Anyone can have sex, but relationships take time.

Anonymous 69116

Probably yeah

Anonymous 69133

Are you dating a "blackpill" idiot or something? That's usually their method of arguing, posting cherry picked research papers that confirm their worldview while ignoring things that contradict it.

Anonymous 69137

I think I was in this boat. I lost my virginity at nearly 30 to the guy I'm still with years later. The idea of casual sex still repulses me.

Anonymous 69138

i tend just imagine cuddling. sometimes i have a dream i am with a person and its magic astronomically unthinkably rare dream. lately those dreams start slightly upbeat with potential then have issues in the dreams that end in abandonment and then nightmare.

Anonymous 69140

First time posting and I have a weird thing to get off my chest so I can stop thinking about it for a while before I deal with it.

Me and my bf were drinking a lot a few days ago and my bf told me he has Schizoid PD. I've read about it before and basically it makes you a loner with repressed emotions who actively dislikes social interaction.
Yes, he's aloof and a bit stoic, that makes sense. And I kinda like that about him. But he's also decently sociable and seems to have long term friends and is frequently in contact with his family, so him telling me that didn't make sense.

I questioned him about it and he said that he does hate social interaction, and neither likes nor dislikes the people he hangs out with (including family), but forces himself to, so he can live a normal life. He said that if he didn't start forcing himself to participate in "social rituals" (his own words), he'd go back to his old routine of going to work, working til late at night, going home, sleeping, and going back to work.
As he got more and more drunk, he started saying all kinds of weird stuff, like that he's trained himself to smile at the right time by consciously moving his mouth. And that he feels like a robot controlling his own body.

After all that, I asked him if he likes me / feels anything about me. He paused for a while, and said I'm the only person he enjoys being in the same room with, rather than being actively irritated but hiding it. I… don't know what to think about that. Does it mean he likes me, or that he simply tolerates me? Or maybe he lied and secretly dislikes me too. I really, really hope it was the alcohol talking, but I can't stop thinking that this whole time he's been putting on an act. I'm not sure if this conversation made me know him better, or made me realize I don't know him at all.

He then drank some more and passed out. The next day, he seemed to act a bit awkward (maybe it's in my mind?). Like he was ashamed for last night. So far we're both pretending that nothing happened, but I can feel that there's now tension between us that wasn't there before. I don't know what I am to him. Someone he actually likes, or just another part of the simulation of a normal life he built around himself.

Anonymous 69141

Girl, are you stupid?
He literally confessed that he doesn't love you.

Also, he sounds like a drama queen lol. "Oh woe is me, I have to do things I don't like". What a tragedy. Most moids don't feel empathy in general, so he's not such a unique snowflake as he thinks.

Anonymous 69142

>bf told me he has Schizoid PD.
Was he professionally diagnosed? A lot of wannabe-edgy moids are self-diagnosing themselves with schiziod PD after it started to become a buzzword on the internet. A lot of his symptoms could also be linked to aspergers.

Anonymous 69144

Afaik yes. He used to go to therapy for cyclothymia, and that's where they diagnosed him. He told me about the cyclothymia before, but not about the schizoid.
Also, isn't the buzzword "schizo"? Like, a shorthand for schizophrenia. Doesn't seem to have much in common with schizoid as far as symptoms go.

Don't know about aspergers. It doesn't seem like he acts weird or finds difficulty in socializing, outwardly. People around him think it's normal because he behaves normal.
Maybe it's aspergers, I don't know. Are they related?

Anonymous 69147

keep us updated on what happens

Anonymous 69150

staying the fuck off from minichans and all those placess

Anonymous 69152

How did he admit that he doesn't love her? He basically said that he suffers when he's in the company of other people, the only exception being her because he likes being around her. Also, if he has actually been diagnosed he's not like other moids. This is an issue of him being a pathological loner, his brain is simply wired that way, much like the brain of a psycopath is wired to feel no empathy or remorse.

I'm not saying he's necessarily in the right about what he said, but I don't think he's in the wrong.

Anonymous 69153


His entire life is a lie, so there's good chance he lied to her as well.

God, is there anything more pathetic than a mentally ill moid trying to "be normal" lol
They should just accept their mental deformity and not burden others with their problems. If he's such a "loner', maybe he should stay alone in his basement instead of subjecting others to his bullshit mind games.
Women deserve better and shouldn't settle for the absolute dregs.

Anonymous 69154

>NoT LiKe ThE OtHeR MoIdS
Yes, just like women with SPD are not like other women. Instead of assuming the worst we should give her some advice.

I think you should try to have the same conversation with him while sober. Ask him to explain his feelings and his subjective experience to you. Also try to think about how he interacts with you and with others and see if there's any difference. For example, I guess that he's not very fond of physical contact, but maybe he enjoys it when you two hug each other. Or maybe you can have a conversation about something with him for hours but he wouldn't do that with someone else unless it was something strictly necessary.

Anonymous 69172

lol, the other anon was a bit harsh but she has a good point. look.
it's actually a huge thing with women being way more likely to give the benefit of the doubt, be more agreeable, etc. they are more likely to try overcompensating on the behalf of mentally ill men, than men do mentally ill women, basically. so in the moment it might come across as being fair, it oftentimes boils down to a woman projecting her own sense of morality and tolerance into other people–often policing other women to be the exact same way, even if it causes those women pain.

if that guy didn't have SPD…he'd look like a classic two-faced misanthrope/asshole. so, his mental illness to you apparently entitles him to someone compromising, one that will probably cause >>69140 pain and devalidation she'll never adapt to because he's nothing like her. of course someone who gives him dopamine (i.e., sex) is the only one he vaguely accepts, because he has difficulty with making actual genuine human connections. to him, she's probably just like a comfy nest, not a real partner.

the fact that you compared the way his brain is wired in a similar way to a psychopath doesn't look good either. just because something IS a problem doesn't entitle them to other people compromising. moreover, it looks bad because it makes it look like feeling ok around his gf is a blip rather than something more meaningful. he's definitely not learning how to open up to others.

I do agree about OP having a conversation with him though and seeing where it goes. She needs more information. Of course he shouldn't be berated. But all in all, it'd be one thing if he felt just bad around others–this is him being irritated with people and faking his entire life.

Anonymous 69173

has, not is* jfc

Anonymous 69174

so anyone got any advice on dating a guy that has kids? not in the, he takes them to mcdonalds whenever his ex wife lefts him see them sense, in a they live with him 90% of the time sort of way.

Anonymous 69181

update, I think we kind of made some progress and I had a conversation that I was way happier with even if it was very hard. ironically it was after we had a few good hours together but then something set him off and made him distrustful, which had him digging and digging. not fun. (also it was over a misunderstanding)

and I was able to waaaay better understand his emotions which he completely concealed initially for favor of making the issue an academic one, and likewise, him to me.

Anonymous 69190

ok nm anons, he ended up having another moment where he interrogated me out of nowhere the second I was vulnerable despite encouraging me to be vulnerable.

this is starting to get extremely miserable as it's happened every day now since we made up.
yesterday we made progress, but it's like this keeps on happening repeatedly where I will be ambiguous about something and he will force me to make it a one side or another thing.

Anonymous 69191


he ignored a solution I suggested and then an hour way said he was the only trying to find solutions.
when I asked him about was I proposed he pretended I never said it.
I felt insane.

I'm so exhausted.

Anonymous 69233

He probably didn't even hear you. Seems men always try to speakover women when they get mad.

Anonymous 69234

sounds like you both need some space from eachother

Anonymous 69243


Me and my ldr boyfriend have been going through some rough patches. We've both done some stupid stuff etc. etc. In september he wanted us to "go on a break" and we got back together like two weeks later.

Now I thought things were going ok. Not perfect but alright. However just now he tells me that his mom really dislikes me now (when before the break she used to always ask when I'm coming over etc.) and he hasn't told her we're back together again. It clicked a few things into place - like he asked me to stop sending him my monthly post card cause he didn't know how to explain them to his mom.

Anyways, it's an upsetting feeling. Not just that she dislikes me but that she doesn't even know we're back together. On one hand it's his choice who he tells about our relationship (I never talk to my parents about any of my boyfriends) and I shouldn't be questioning our relationship because of an outside force - lots of people have in laws they hate. On the other hand this feels like the straw to break the camels back. I was supposed to visit him next year but I already felt anxious about it and knowing I'd be in the house of someone who actively dislikes me is scary. I love him but this throws into question even more where I stand in his life.

"You used to tell your mom about me"
>"That's cause I used to really like you and talk about you all the time."
I'm sure he didn't mean that as a "I like you less now" but that's what it felt like.

Idk should I ignore the mom thing since it doesn't have a direct impact on me or should I see this as the final sign that it might be time for us to move on?

Anonymous 69258

Surely she only really knows what he says of you, and if he's speaking badly of his partner then there's no long term viability.
You're supposed to be a team, and neither of you should ever be dragging the others reputation down. It seems like he has either done it, or allowed it to be done.
Next time you're there, test the waters with the mother, if she is openly hostile and he doesn't defuse/defend then it's a lost cause.

Anonymous 69269

Never been in a relationship before, and don’t even really have a crush on anyone right now, but I’ve been thinking about a few things.

I hooked up with guy awhile ago, and I’ve never thought about him in a relationship context except recently.
Socially, we both get along pretty well, have good conversations and similar interests. We even have similar friends and lifestyles, and both went to college. We’re obviously attracted to each other too.
But our one main difference is our political beliefs, which are total opposites.

I’ve never had this issue before, and I’m wondering how important do people value certain political preferences within a relationship? I know it can cause arguments, but how big of a deal do people really consider it? Can it be overlooked?
I personally think that it would cause too many future issues, especially when my job also overlaps with certain political views.
I know it sounds like a silly question but since politics has been rather hot lately, it’s something that crossed my mind.

Anonymous 69271

I’m scared me and my bf won’t work out in the long run for a myriad of reasons. I love him and care about him. I don’t want to go into specifics in case he stumbled upon this thread. Just venting I guess ugh.

Anonymous 69372

Sorry for taking too long to reply. Both me and bf were busy (or were we? more later)

During the weekend he took me out to dinner to a pretty nice place. He seemed unusually cheerful. Before the conversation, knowing he has mood fluctuations, I would have chalked it up to his cyclothimia, but now I have this suspicion that he's intentionally trying to "make it up to me". I don't know if this suspicion is reasonable, or if I'm being judgmental and paranoid, and thinking the worst. Makes me feel like shit.

So, as I said, it's been a bit awkward between us. At first I thought it was all in my head, but now I'm sure he feels awkward too. He talks much less, and spends more time at work. I still haven't had a full conversation with him about the thing. I hope to sit down and talk to him this weekend. Maybe it will make our relationship better, maybe it will make it worse, but at least there will be closure. Sigh.

>I guess that he's not very fond of physical contact, but maybe he enjoys it when you two hug each other.
Regarding physical contact, I think you are right. At the beginning of our relationship, he'd mostly avoid contact, and would tense up if I were to initiate it. I'd do things like hug him from behind, and he'd freeze for a moment before reciprocating. Back then I chalked it up to nerves.
But I think eventually he got used to it, and we get physical quite often. He is still hesitant about initiating, so I do most of the heavy lifting there.
>Or maybe you can have a conversation about something with him for hours but he wouldn't do that with someone else unless it was something strictly necessary.
Yes, we do have quite long conversations about stuff. Especially art. We actually met each other in art class / courses. He was quite good at it, better than me. After a while we quit, and now draw together from time to time. I'm quite an art history buff, but he seems to only care about technical skills. We often nerd out about art stuff together.
I've never seen him engaged in conversation this much, with ONE exception. He has a friend whom I think he actually likes. And he's never even met him. Every Saturday, without fail, he gets up early in the morning, gets on his laptop, and has long conversations with said friend. Those conversations can sometimes be 8 hours long. He's told me that they've been penpals for like 8 years, met on a forum or some such. And a few years ago they started doing voicecalls. Said friend is from Australia, which explains why he gets up early. I thought it was kinda cute that he has such a close long distance friend. I asked him if he ever planned to meet up with him in person, and he said "not particularly". I asked why, and he said that he enjoyed online conversations rather than face to face stuff.
It makes me hopeful that he actually likes me enough to be physically around, compared to his decade long online friend. Then again, it could also be that he's pretending like with everyone else.
To be honest he's never tried to manipulate me or hurt me, at least as far as I've noticed. We've never even had an argument, he usually either concedes, or we have a calm conversation about our disagreements. I've never seen him lose his temper. I like that about him.
This could also be a good or a bad thing. Maybe he respects my desires and boundaries, or maybe he just doesn't care. I am so torn and confused.

Regarding sex, he actually has quite a low libido, which I find frustrating sometimes. Again, I am mostly the one initiating. Although he does awkwardly show sexual affection sometimes. Again, cute, but also concerning.

I think you gals are right, I really should have a serious conversation with him. At the very least to soothe my own anxieties. I really, really like him, but now that I've learned he had's a different, hidden personality all along,I just can't help but to have all these doubts and anxieties about our relationship.


Anonymous 69405

I'm 29 and have been dating men my whole life. Near the beginning of the pandemic I realized I am attracted to women. I have since been trying to get out and meet/date women.
Any advice for a blooming baby-gay? I'm kind of intimidated at being with women even though I know I have nothing to worry about.
Has anybody else been through this? Any advice?

Anonymous 69436

>it oftentimes boils down to a woman projecting her own sense of morality and tolerance into other people–often policing other women to be the exact same way
Doesn't this apply to almost everyone almost all the time?

>even if it causes those women pain

I'm aware that my advice might not be perfect, and at the end of the day it's still just advice, whoever is getting it can simply choose to ignore it or modify it in some way.

>his mental illness to you apparently entitles him to someone compromising

If someone has health issues, which includes mental health, they deserve to get help from the people closest to them. If they start to use others as a crutch without working on their issues then there's no need for others to compromise.

>he's nothing like her

>to him, she's probably just like a comfy nest, not a real partner
Maybe, or maybe not, we have no idea. These are just hypotheses.

>it looks bad because it makes it look like feeling ok around his gf is a blip rather than something more meaningful.

Huh? What do you mean?

>faking his entire life

I disagree, to him the character he interprets is probably just a small part of his life, a defensive measure he uses to make interacting with the great majority of people out there less annoying/miserable. If I remember correctly, this is common among people with SPD and among those in the spectrum as well.

>I've learned he had's a different, hidden personality all along
I have the feeling that it's not like that. Instead, I'd say that you (and probably also his online friend) already know him and his actual personality, the real him that sits beneath the surface personality he displays when he is in the presence of others. This surface personality is artificial and crafted, and as I mentioned before, is basically a defensive measure, like armour that he wears when he finds himself in a hostile environment.

You also have to consider that, from some of the things you have mentioned, he seems to have a very "intellectual" approach to things and this might include feelings as well. This is not necessarily bad, it might make you two less compatible than you thought, but it doesn't mean that his feelings for you are not real just because they are not purely visceral like with normal people.

When you have the conversation with him, I recommend you to focus on that moment when you asked him if he likes you and what he feels about you. Tell him to explain to you what his answer means and how it translates to everyday situations. Also, ask him about the times when you two have been apart from each other for a while, how not seeing you everyday made him feel.

Best of luck!

Anonymous 69438

it honestly depends on what the political differences are, personally i try to prioritize what i do have in common with someone or what i can tolerate over trying to change their mind, but i do have limits. for example, i might be able to tolerate someone more economically conservative on certain things, but i couldn't date a hardcore pro-life (as in they think it's wrong in all cases and should be illegal) or MAGA person. i can tolerate someone who has personal religious beliefs, as long as they don't try to take me to church with them. things like that. if his views are your own personal "deal breakers" i wouldn't go farther than fwb, but that's how i would approach if i knew someone like that

Anonymous 69444

I’ve never had an irl bf but I’ve had a couple online things that could have turned into more if I’d met up with them. The only problem is I’ve never met a guy who makes me feel like he’s lucky to have me or that I’m the one. And I just want to feel that so badly. Every single ‘relationship’ I had the guy made it pretty obvious he was settling for me and waiting until someone better came along. None of these guys I e-dated were particularly objectively good looking, interesting, funny or whatever, but I still developed strong feelings for each at the time (this was over the space of 8 years btw, yes I’ve pissed away 8 years on e-dating garbage but it’s the only way I feel I can get to know someone before trusting enough to date irl) Every guy I met criticized me or negged me in some way, some overtly and some subtly. Or they would compare me to x girl or x celebrity and just made me feel inferior and shitty, I honestly think a lot of the time it was on purpose or at least a careless thing on their part, although I’m sure they would deny it. I just really want a bf who makes me feel like I’m special and valuable but I’m starting to think men can’t truly love or respect a girl unless she is a highly sought after beautiful high status girl.

Anonymous 69459

Where did you meet these guys? On 4chan?

Anonymous 69460

honestly what she described just sounded like a normie male. it's extremely normal for them to now compare the girls they date to celebrities, models, pornstars, other girls they know, etc.

Anonymous 69462

Hi. I’m an ascended femcel and I feel like that’s very important to state because I was single 99% of my life and I feel like I could also be autistic (def socially inept, not socialized) because my mentality on relationships and being with people and around people is off.

So basically im 24 years old and in my first relationship even tho i suffer from social anxiety and have no friends. My boyfriend was a on/off friend of mine before dating so he knows im a loser and how i am and he accepts me but I want to know, wont he get tired of me? I don’t want to be friends with his friends. I don’t want want to make my own friends- all my friend experiences were bad. I don’t want to party. I don’t want to go to bars or clubs. I don’t want to drink or smoke weed and he knows all of this and he’s like ok.

But i feel like he’s saying ok because he is in the infatuation stage but once he gets out of that, he will resent me for not being the gf who goes to raves and bar hopping and random adventures. How could he not? He thinks im interesting but im nothing special, im probably interesting because years of near isolation aside from my family and school has made me think in unusual ways and form weird thoughts and bluntness because i lack a filter.

We do go out to do stuff even though it gives me anxiety every time but I can’t live from my bed (even tho i want to).

I’m sorry. This isn’t organized. I just don’t have any past relationship to compare to or friends to ask. Can i get some advice?

Anonymous 69463

>wont he get tired of me?
>he knows all of this and he’s like ok.
>He thinks im interesting but im nothing special
Don't be so harsh with yourself, he probably knows you quite well, so if he's with you he must really want to be with you. What kind of advice in particular are you interested in?

Anonymous 69465

Yup pretty much all guys neg you, it’s just a general male trait.

Anonymous 69466

Is your boyfriend a normie/partyfag himself?
No advice since I am basically you but without ever dating. Just clarification foe others since it's the difference between him expecting you to be like him or him expecting a MPDG.
Also curious myself.

Anonymous 69472

I honestly am a disaster of a person. I don’t see how any normal person would want to date me. I just don’t see what he gets out of it. Why not date someone who is more like him…?
I guess my question is if I’m overthinking this or right for thinking that he’s kind of strange for dating someone like me.

Yes, he’s a normie. He liked to say he was a loner when we started talking but then I saw how easily he made friends and how charming he was so… no. He doesn’t have an overwhelming amount of friends but he is fooling himself if he thinks he is “weird.”

Anonymous 69473

Oh sorry I forgot to say that he said he doesn’t expect me to go to parties and he tries to stick to day time/non stressful activities like aquarium, museum, art galleries, restaurant (still stressful to me but sigh), zoo, beach, board game place, random events around so he does try… I just KNOW he would want someone who doesn’t only tolerate pg13 locations :(

Anonymous 69474

How do you know that? First of all opposites attract and second of all try to remember that moids are very territorial and often even oppressive towards women. It is not unusual for a man to see women not going out to a party or going out drinking as a positive even if he does these things himself. I am friends with a guy who is a heavy drinker and is dating an asian girl who cannot drink much because of asian flush. He views this as a positive thing, which is kind of messed up, but I hope you get my point. Its also possible that he likes the idea of getting you to comeout of your shell.

Anonymous 69477

I knew who his ex was and she was a normal girl into similar stuff like him. I would have agreed to the first point you mentioned if not for that.

I don’t know. This stresses me out a lot… it’s unfortunate to be going through such elementary dating stuff in your mid 20s :(

I know I have to just accept that he likes me and sees stuff I don’t see in myself.

Anonymous 69498

>I just KNOW he would want someone who doesn’t only tolerate pg13 locations :(
Look, he's probably aware that no one is perfect, and he's more than likely OK with you not being his perfect girl. Is he your perfect guy? No? But you still love him and want to be with him and not someone else. I'm pretty sure there are many things about you that he likes and he's just fine with you as you are.

Anonymous 69509

>He liked to say he was a loner when we started talking but then I saw how easily he made friends
I knew a couple guys like this too, eyeroll. I tell them I had no irl friends and they said “me too.” Then a couple days later they tell me that they’re gonna be “hanging out with friends” that day. Made me lose respect.

Anonymous 69512

Maybe you shouldn't resent your partner because of your own insecurities of being a shut-in?
You should either just be comfortable with who your are, or at least try to become more social so you can have more in common with him. Love is a two way street right, or whatever they say.

Anonymous 69515

Yeah. I just have to accept this instead of dwell and create stress. Thank you.

LOL me too. My boyfriend (then friend) was like oh I don’t really have friends and I like to stay home so I can relate to you, but then I learned he has best friends, is very likable, female orbiters and loves going out to parties, raves, whatever…
Umm. I don’t think he was lying. I just think a normal person’s perception of being alone and not having many friends is different from mine…

Yeah I was comfortable with who I was when I wasn’t really interacting with him and normal people. I’ll never be normal but I just have to accept myself I guess since he accepts me. I try to go out places with him… that’s my “two way street” thing because I’m comfortable not leaving my house for days/weeks.

Anonymous 69565

Is it a good or a bad thing if my bf is too self-reliant?
I know it's generally a good quality to have, but…
We do spend a lot of time for fun and enjoyment, but when it comes to practical stuff and general life management, I feel excluded.
He never asks for help or advice or consults me about anything regarding problems or setbacks he's having. He'll mention that he's having such and such issues, but when I ask if I could help, he just says "Thanks, but I'll figure it out myself". He does solve the problem eventually, but I feel like it takes way more time and effort if he actually got me to help. Especially if it's something I'm good at or had experience with.

Right now I feel a bit… useless? Sure we have fun together, but I don't feel like I'm doing anything for him, or that I'm someone he can rely on. I prodded him a bit about it, and he said he's used to doing everything by himself, because he was a bit of a loner for a while.

Should I insist that he let me get involved, or leave him be?

Anonymous 69577

Has he ever actually had someone he could rely on before? From personal experience, most men are programmed to handle their problems alone and never require a partner, because that would make them weak and a burden.

Anonymous 69581

>because that would make them weak and a burden.
Honestly that's such a stupid fucking standard, and I feel like only undersocialized / insecure men have this mentality towards themselves and others. Underachieving and missing out on opportunities because their ego might get hurt.

Men are fucking retarded.

Anonymous 69601


I love my boyfriend a whole lot but he has really hurt me. He cheated on me a year ago and begged for forgiveness. He is 21 now and I still forgive him, but deep down I kinda don't trust him. When I set a boundary in the relationship he just sort of does it anyway and keeps it from me. Like another time he was secretly smoking cigarettes even though we both agreed to be non-smoking. It wasn't a huge deal to me at first when I found it, until I asked him why he was hiding it from me, and he replied "because you'd be upset". He goes against what we agree and hides it from me. So my trust in him is kind of cracked. Idk what to do. Run?

Other than that he is a total sweetheart and I have zero issues.

Anonymous 69602

bin him

Anonymous 69603

I'm sorry but the relationship is broken and you will break your entire life if you keep wrapping your life and body around his micropeen and his lies.

Without fail I've seen women in situations like yours slowly get fucked up and almost insane (to outsiders' perspective) in the way they keep on making more and more and more excuses for bad men. They get SO used to the gaslighting, manipulation, and lies that even if they're torn up about it, they start naturally finding ways of forgiving or accepting over and over again until they literally are incapable of feeling much else or walking out.

These women often become mothers who turn a blind eye to their husbands beating their own children.

Anonymous 69608

I've been in couple for a while now, recently had our 6 year anniversary, but the thing is I'm having a lot of sexuality problems since a few years. I don't really want sex anymore. I look at porn less and less and I like fucking, and I also like him, but I just never feel like having sex.
Sometimes I do, but it's usually after watching a bit of porn or playing with a toy so then I'm in a mood for actual dick.
He told me that maybe it's because I don't find him sexy anymore, and maybe? But I dunno, except for like the start of my relationships I found guys I was with sexy? Then after that, it's more important for me to be comfortable, so the sexyness factor is down. I still find him cute and hot but sexy I dunno, not really.
I like touching him or watching him play so I dunno, it's weird. I'm starting to wonder if it's depression because maybe I'm just depressed?, him, or that I'm becoming asexual.
Or maybe I just don't play with myself enough to know how I work. Which I feel like might be it since my turns on are really changing.
I've been looking into psychologist or sexologist (if those exist) in my area.

Anonymous 69610

imo it's not as clear cut as this.

a lot of guys have taken to telling their sob stories ASAP in relationships because it works to draw women in, among other things. I've seen men actually be a lot more forthright about what affects them, abet in extremely robotic ways, and oftentimes as a tool.
and also, lot of men actually want a partner as emotional support; they are much less likely to seek it out from people besides their partners, especially other men. moreover, they often get the most support from their partner. it's just that they don't admit that they do get support at all from women. it's something across the board I've seen men 100% refuse to admit women do for them.

it's a hidden reason why men go on and on about "needing" sex or women or that men go insane without it (yes, this isn't the rhetoric of secure, well-adjusted men)–because they're used to engaging with people in surface-level, often activity or status based ways with many more intimate conversations not showing real vulnerability. it's why a lot of men that get ill report that their male friends abandon them; it gets too awkward for them to put in that effort for a male friend that just brings them down.

in reality, a lot of men actually get the most humanized by their romantic partner, or even seek out a therapist in theirs.

Anonymous 69611

Men that young are essentially incapable of loving/respecting their partner. I'm not saying go after older dudes because they have their own set of issues (and if you are also 21 it's a huge red flag), but always keep this in mind when you are dating in your early 20s. You aren't a fully developed person until 25ish.

Anonymous 69612

Oh and I forgot: dump him and don't look back.

Anonymous 69613

I guess you're right. This relationship feels finite anyway. I feel terrible for admitting that though, because he has proven his love to me more times than the opposite.

Anonymous 69616

>I asked him why he was hiding it from me, and he replied "because you'd be upset"
If he has cheated on you and told you this you can't really trust him anymore. Why would you? If you stay with him you are potentially exposing yourself to more of the same.

Anonymous 69624

I made my ex bf promise not to smoke weed and in exchange he made me promise not to go clubbing with my friends. Anyway it was a stupid deal to begin with, because he had only ever smoked weed 1 time anyway and he did it socially ie his friend had some he smoked it because "why not".

After we broke up he admitted he broke his promise 1 time anyway and smoked weed with the same friend again. Meanwhile I turned down so many outings with friends because of this stupid deal I made…

The "context" of him breaking his promise was that they were with another guy and fhe 3 of them got drunk. Around 3am my ex and the 3rd friend just agree with eachother that they should have a fistfight outside a subway sub. These are 2 educated and well off white guys too :/ studying software and civil engineering respectively. They then beat the shit out of eachother and because they were closest to the 3rd guys appartment my ex slept over there literally the same night they had a fight and then the 3 of them smoked weed while they were all incredibly drunk.

Anonymous 69627

I’m sorry but I can’t stop laughing at the fistfighting part

Anonymous 69630

>Around 3am my ex and the 3rd friend just agree with eachother that they should have a fistfight outside a subway sub.

Anonymous 69633

I'm 7 months pregnant and living with the father. We've been good friends for years, but we're not in a romantic relationship. At first his accommodating, laid back attitude and excited, gung ho approach to the baby was incredibly endearing, but 5 months of living with him has driven me absolutely nuts. I desperately want to smother him in his sleep and I'm not even dealing with the stress of an actual baby yet. When I have to wake up every couple of hours for feedings, and he starts up the sander at 5am to perfect the joint on a cabinet "just in case her little fingies get stuck", I'm going to bludgeon him to death and dump his corpse in the yard to fertilise his fucking baby-safe veggie patch.

Anonymous 69634

I don't know what's more comical here, not being in a formal relationship with the father of your children while you're cohabiting ffs, or the fact he's so gung-ho about it that's it's infuriating you. Is he messy or neurotic, or violent and hard to deal with that way or is only how positive he is that's causing you issues?

Anonymous 69635

Anonymous 69636

I've known him for a long time, and knew this would be an issue going in. He's a very socially distant, neurotic "doer". He's naturally quiet and withdrawn, and it takes a lot of energy for him to engage with others socially. He also has to be doing something big at all times, which means his house is always in a state of chaos. When I told him about the baby, it started with doing up a room for me, then making a nursery, building a giant textured moon with glow in the dark stars all over a wall, then painting and decorating it. Next it was baby-proofing, then completely remodelling the laundry and bathrooms. Thankfully landscaping the backyard to make a play area, baby-safe garden and chicken coop was all outside, because at every stage he turns the entire area into a construction site. While doing his next big project, all other domestic chores go ignored until around 8pm. If I try to clean up the worksite that is the rest of the house, so that I can maybe get up in the night without breaking my toe on a power tool left lying around, he becomes upset that I'm destroying the order in his carefully managed chaos. If I try to do the chores, he feels like he's failed at taking the stress off of me, draining him of all energy necessary to communicate or spend time with me.

I end up spending the day alone, on an active worksite, in filth, where the only bit of interaction with my housemate and the father of my child is him sitting down next to me for 45 minutes a night, cheerfully explaining what new babyproofing lock he bought or how the new handsfree door opener he's building is progressing. To top it all off, I can't cry with him knowing, or he becomes frantic to fix whatever is making me cry, like he's just seen a watermain spring a leak.

Anonymous 69637

>If I try to clean up the worksite that is the rest of the house, so that I can maybe get up in the night without breaking my toe on a power tool left lying around, he becomes upset that I'm destroying the order in his carefully managed chaos. If I try to do the chores, he feels like he's failed at taking the stress off of me, draining him of all energy necessary to communicate or spend time with me.
>To top it all off, I can't cry with him knowing, or he becomes frantic to fix whatever is making me cry, like he's just seen a watermain spring a leak.
Sounds like a problem I guess. The fact you're living with him and it's this… troubling tells me you probably don't have a robust "support network" do you?

Just as a question though, it sounds like you don't have any energy to confront him about all this, but where do you find the energy to be so exhausted all the time?

Anonymous 69638

He might have ADHD, or even worse, he has bipolar and is on his manic stage, and will crash hard after it ends.
My father was the same, he'd get excited about some dumb project, abandon it halfway through, and start a new project. Our apartment was a complete shithole all the time. It's why I didn't have any friends or bf until I went to uni, and eventually moved out in my mid 20s. I'm still socially maladjusted because of that.

Anonymous 69641

I'm forcing myself to go to various classes and hobby places. I feel out of place because it's mostly full of zoomers sent there by their helicopter parents, but at least I'm talking to people outside of work.
I've even learned not to blurt out awkward non-sequiturs the moment someone talks to me.

Having bad parents is a curse, it set me back in life by like 5 years.

Anonymous 69643

>Having bad parents is a curse, it set me back in life by like 5 years.
Certainly, glad you aren't letting what was their fault stop you from taking up your responsibility though.

Anonymous 69653

Ok, we've had a lengthy conversation. THE conversation.
I feel hesitant to even describe it because it was very personal and emotional.
Again, we were drunk, and I'm not sure if it's a good thing that we keep having suck imporant conversations only when we're drunk.

After I confronted him, he apologized for being insensitive and putting his opinion about me in such blunt terms. That's good that he knows it made me feel bad, I think.
Then, he just poured out at me.
He said he had a bad childhood and abusive father, and learned to suppress his emotions as a coping mechanism. He also said that his relatives, mainly uncles and aunts, are deeply religious, and whenever he tried to open up to them, they'd shut him down, because in their view, the "family patriarch" can do no wrong. So he just resigned to pretending.
He said he's been emotionally suppressing himself since he was a teenager, that he doesn't experience emotions much.
After that, he started rambling. First, that he feels insecure about opening up, and that he went to multiple therapists, and every time, when they got him to open himself up, he'd cancel his appointments, because he felt vulnerable and not comfortable from then on. Then, he said he doesn't know what love is supposed to feel like, because all his relationships have been calculated, romantic or otherwise.

At the end, he said something that really stuck with me. He said that he loves me to the extent that he is capable of, that he hopes that counts for something.
Then he passed out again.

This was all very overwhelming to me. I just want to put it all to rest, it's been emotionally taxing for me, and our relationship in general. I need some time to process all of this.

Anonymous 69654

I was told I could never have kids, and after becoming pregnant, it became paramount to avoid physical exertion and stress due to the risk of miscarriage. Moving in with him to look after me was actually his idea. My only support network is his family, so while it is massive, it's all from one side.

It's not that I don't have the energy to confront him, but rather that confronting him yields nothing. He's come leaps and bounds since I met him, but this is fundamentally who he is. Again, I knew this going in, so I guess I had a reserve of will to just push through, but it's run out near the finish line.

Thankfully it's not bipolar. It doesn't matter how long it takes, he'll set himself to a task and see it through; be it adjusting all the kitchen drawers to be perfectly level and spaced or studying some variant of cuneiform to literacy. He needs some tangible goal to achieve every single day.

Anonymous 69656

One cycloe of bioplar can last years.
Like, a biopolar person can be manic and hyperactive for several years, and then be depressed for another several years.

How long have you known him?

Anonymous 69661

A decade now.


General stress is of course important, but it's really avoiding physical exertion in my case. Having someone to get groceries, scrub pots and pans, do laundry ect.

I've known him for a long time, and that change to a more functional person has been a slow process. If i thought he could give those minute adjustments, I'd push for them, but that kind of change is measured in years for him.

Anonymous 69662

>General stress is of course important, but it's really avoiding physical exertion in my case. Having someone to get groceries, scrub pots and pans, do laundry ect.
Are you worried he'll leave you in that case?
>I've known him for a long time, and that change to a more functional person has been a slow process. If i thought he could give those minute adjustments, I'd push for them, but that kind of change is measured in years for him.
Can't tell if I'm talking to someone who is ESL or reading an elaborate wordplay. I am using "minute" as in "incredibly small amount" did you think I meant as in a minute?

Anonymous 69663

>Are you worried he'll leave you in that case?
Not at all. I could be the biggest prima donna in the world and he'd still keep me around.
>Can't tell if I'm talking to someone who is ESL or reading an elaborate wordplay
Completely unintentional wordplay there. Getting him to make the changes to put me at ease would take him years of slow adjustment.

Anonymous 69664

>Not at all. I could be the biggest prima donna in the world and he'd still keep me around.
Well good to know I guess.
>Completely unintentional wordplay there. Getting him to make the changes to put me at ease would take him years of slow adjustment.
You make "the changes" sound large. Are you saying it would take him years to fulfill a task as simple as "do not leave power tools in the hallway overnight"?

Anonymous 69667

idk, how does he react to a system being suggested? i.e., you won't touch something or do a chore unless it's in your way/impedes you from doing something.

Anonymous 69700

>I'm not sure if it's a good thing that we keep having suck imporant conversations only when we're drunk.
This is probably not the best idea, but if it's worked out for you…

So, he basically told you that he's been emotionally crippled due to different degrees of abuse and neglect by his relatives, mostly his father. He's tried to fix these issues before but he's too anxious about confronting them in front of others and therapy didn't really do anything for him because of this. He does admit to being emotionally crippled, which is important because he knows he has a problem, many people with mental issues are in denial about them or just not willing to get help. Lastly, he tells you that despite his crippled emotionality he tries to love you as much as he can. Of course this sounds very weird to normal people, but I guess one can't realistically expect more from him in his current damaged state.

Did I get all that right or do you think I'm missing or misinterpreting something? Now, how do you feel about this? Do you feel betrayed in a sense? Did it make you angry? Was the conversation like a revelation and now things just make sense to you? Did you feel sorry for him? You should probably try to "probe" his mood and how he feels about the situation now, this information might be quite useful in my opinion.

Anyway, I will suggest you to try therapy for couples, not because you in particular need it, but because it will probably help him to open up if you are there with him in front of the therapist. He did say that you are the only person he enjoys being in the same room with, without being irritated by your presence right? You should give it a try, maybe it's just what he needs to overcome his trauma and have a more healthy relationship with you and others.

Ask yourself this: do you want to see him get better? Do you want to help him get there? If you do help him, his chances of actually improving are probably much better. Let's imagine that he didn't have those problems, do you think you'd have a happy future together with him? It's OK if you need time to think about this and it's also OK if you think it's too much for you. I think that if you value his positive traits and you think he is a nice person and hasn't done the things he has done with ill will you should have another conversation with him telling him that you want to support and help him while he fixes his problems with professional help.

If he accepts and then later on he starts to not take it seriously and make no progress then you can consider an ultimatum. If he outright refuses any kind of help to being with you can give him an ultimatum too if you think it's for the best. But I think that if you play your cards right and show an understanding/supportive/caring/etc. attitude towards his traumatic experiences he'll agree to get therapy, especially if you give your words an encouraging spin about how potentially positive in the future can it be to fix his issues, for both of you.

Anonymous 69704


Does anyone have advice for someone moving in with a partner for the first time? We get along quite well but hes an extrovert and I'm an introvert.

Anonymous 69726

Are you supposed to tell men they're handsome? I feel like the answer is no. I suspect that they don't take it the way women do, but they do hear it and think "Hmmm, I can manipulate more easily with this face".

Anonymous 69744

>Are you supposed to tell men they're handsome?
I just say it every once in a while to my bf when I look at him and feel happy and in love and think to myself that he is handsome. He reacts by giggling and smiling and saying thank you.

>I suspect that they don't take it the way women do, but they do hear it and think "Hmmm, I can manipulate more easily with this face".

Probably if they're a piece of shit that believes in facemaxxing or pickupartistry or whatever.

Anonymous 69745

I tell my boyfriend he is hot and handsome and cute all the time. He seems annoyed with it sometimes.
I just can't help it, I'm a big simp for him.

Anonymous 69832

Yeah, he sounds like a basket case tbh.
I she should start moving towards a breakup. It's not fair that she'd have to dedicate so much of her life to fixing a man.

This is a classic moid strategy, by the way. Project a false image of security and stability to attract women, and when they feel like they have a firm grasp on their partner, they burst at the seams and fall apart, expecting her to pick up the pieces and "fix" them. The stronger sex my ass.

There should be a name for this type of male. I propose "Humpty Dumptys". All the king's horses and all the king's men, couldn't put the moid together again.

Anonymous 69900

>It's not fair that she'd have to dedicate so much of her life to fixing a man.
What do you mean? He needs professional help and she can't obviously do that. Instead, she should take an encouraging and supportive role, the heavy lifting has to be done by him and the therapist. That is not dedicating most of her life to fixing him.

Anonymous 69901

>I she should start moving towards a breakup

Lol, why do I get the feeling that the people jump on the "breakup with a person because they have some problem with themselves which doesn't actually affect the relationship very much" are perpetually single.

Anonymous 69916


i got asked out on a date for the first time in who knows how long! he's really nice but i have a bad habit of sperging out on dates, any advice to seem well-adjusted?

Anonymous 69919

images (28).jpeg

>mfw women want a partner that will care for them and not treat them like a piece of meat and/or therapist.
fuck off

Anonymous 69935


Please help, I need to vent and some advice maybe I don't know. I have a huge crush on a guy.
I am socially inept, and I never really went too much out, because after moving for my studies, I never really made any new friends in my new town. My best friend from highschool moved in the city recently and she helped me come out of my shell a bit, and we started going out a bit. She started dating his friend and that's how I met him. He is intelligent, super nice and cute, but at first, I thought he was a bit cold, especially towards me. It turns out he is like that with everyone at first, but we started to know eachother better after a while.

He is an artist and actually gains his money this way, so he is often travelling, so I don't see him that often. When he's there he always hangs out with his assistant (my firend's bf), my friend and his other friend so it's impossible to really talk to him. But it's so intense when we can. He's passionate about the things he loves, and very curious about everything he doesn't know. He watched a couple episodes of my weebshit series just because I mentionned it, and we talked by message all evening about it. Also he invited us to the museum, and it was really interesting to discover artsy stuff with someone that explained to us and made it interesting.

After sometime, I started telling myself nothing would ever happen, and I tried to concentrate on my studies, but I somehow still had hope. We were out all together some time after, and I saw him reject another girl, which I'd consider waaay prettier than me. I don't know why, but I completely lost hope after that.
This Friday, my best friend, her bf (his firend) and me had some drinks. Out of the blue, he said something like "You like (my crush's name), right ?". My heart sank. I don't even know what I said. He then followed up by "I think he likes you too, but he's too shy to make a move." I tried to pry some more after, but he basically just said he didn't really understand why but my crush is very shy when it comes to women.

I've been thinking nonstop about it for the past 40 hours. I really don't know what I should do, especially since are very rarely alone and my social inaptitude (see above) sure doesn't help. Any of you has any experience ? How can I get alone time with him ? I'm afraid if I ask him out for something, he will bring the usual friends with him since he rarely goes out alone. Also I keep thinking maybe his friend was too drunk and he will reject me like that other girl. I hesitated all weeken to message him, but I don't even know what to say. I just want to talk, but now I don't even know what to send.

Anonymous 69938

I'm not single, but that talking point of yours is one spammed by male misogynists for a reason–bc to you the ultimate goal in life for a woman is being taken. That being single is, on its own, a curse and something to laugh at women for being.

You're an embarrassment.

Anonymous 69939

Also, you're lying through your teeth if you don't think that guys' condition doesn't influence the relationship in any meaningful way. It already has. He has already confessed that he basically acts fake and masks in front of almost everyone, that he only kind of loves her, etc.

It's just the effect is negotiable and really will differ based off how things progress. Maybe he is able to overcome is in a relationship context, but acting like there isn't any reason to be weary is really just…ridiculous.

Anonymous 69946

Be bold and upfront, anon. Message him, say you think he's a cool dude and you'd be interested in a one-on-one hangout. Then say you're having some romantic feelings. Preface by saying you want to remain friends even if he doesn't reciprocate and that you don't wish to make it weird.
If he rejects you I promise it is less painful than wondering what could have been. Fuck, if anything it can make your friendship stronger going forward. One of my closest friends is a guy who rejected me and I believe it's for that reason kek.

Something about putting yourself out there, even if you get turned down, also gives you confidence. I've asked out a good amount of dudes now and believe it played a big part in overcoming my social anxiety and loving myself.

Good luck and report back!

Anonymous 69957

NTA, but would you say that, for example, autistics should learn to "overcome" their emotional deficiency if they ever want to be in a relationship, otherwise they're masking, even in front of their partner?

There are people out there who are not able to "love" in a conventional sense, because their brains are literally incapable of creating that particular cocktail of emotions. Do they deserve nothing?

But I do agree that the OP anon is not obligated to bear someone else's burden, and shouldn't be judged if she decides it's too much for her.

Anonymous 69959

>Also, isn't the buzzword "schizo"?
That’s also a buzzword but, on 4chan particularly, I’ve seen moids calling themselves “schizoid” because they think they’re Ryan Gosling from Blade Runner.

Anonymous 69960

"Autism" must be the biggest buzzword of them all, then.
I wonder how many people claiming to be "autistic" are just undersocialized losers.

Anonymous 69966

Among women, probably a lot of them actually are autistic due to women being under diagnosed.

You also have to consider that even if you are not autistic, you can have genuine autism traits, perhaps due to having something like ADHD or dyspraxia. While you can't be "a bit autistic", you can score a lot of points on the tests and be similar to autistic people.

People these days also have a lot of access to indirect socialisation than people did not in the past, such as taking part in conversations online, seeing interactactions in tv shows whenever they want, etc. It would be pretty difficult to have absolutely zero awareness of social norms these days unless you grew up in a cave, or you have autism and can't recognize these things.

I actually wonder if in the future, writing people off as just lazy or stupid or weird will be less common as we start to better understand how the mind works.

Anonymous 69969

>Also, isn't the buzzword "schizo"?
yes, it's a buzzword shorthand for "a person who expresses a different opinion from me" or alternatively, "person i refuse to believe"
i've also seen it being thrown around on here and lolcow, mostly on /x/ and /ot/ respectively

Anonymous 70039

>talking with male friend I used to simp for but was rejected by for not being an alt girl or party girl
>compliments my face
>makes our conversation oddly sexual and about relationships
>asks to stay on the phone while I pee
>"Ohhh anon you'd prefer someone inexperienced like you right? Right? Not someone who has been with people" something something projecting religious guilt
The fuck man. I used to bring this bs up myself because I wanted to be with him but he clearly has no such intentions. It took me a good year and a half to get over this fool.
Is he just stringing me along because he thinks I won't care about him otherwise? He's one of my closest bros so maybe I just need to reiterate that. No need to faux whore himself out to me kek.

Any anons had this?
(Moved from vent because I'm pro-organization)

Anonymous 70041

he's a creep, don't put up with this

Anonymous 70043

Tbf it doesn't make me uncomfortable. I ended up cranking one out to thoughts of him the next day so I'm gross myself.
I'm just easily confused socially and don't want him to demean himself for my sake. I'll emotionally support him anyway since we're pals and he's going through some bad stuff.

Anonymous 70352

was this rape?

I was laying in bed when my then-bf crawled in. I was trying to sleep, facing away from him, when he started touching my butt. I didn't find it unusual, he usually groped my butt and I just assumed he knew I was awake. but without saying anything, and without any foreplay, he pulled my underwear down and had anal sex with me. this is something we had done before but there was always talking/asking permission, or at least kissing and foreplay, beforehand. he barely even spat on his dick that time… I was kind of shocked and didn't really know what to do so I just let it happen even though it hurt a bit. after he finished he went went clean up and crawled back into bed and went to sleep, all without saying anything. when I brought it up later he got upset with me, saying that I could have said something at any time. so I dropped the issue. I didn't consider it rape at the time and I don't know if I do now, but recently I keep thinking about it

Anonymous 70353

yes it was

Anonymous 70354

it's hard for me to think of it like that, I keep thinking that if I had told him to stop, he would have. I was taken aback by him acting so different but I wasn't afraid for my safety or anything. though I was afraid that if I didn't let him use me to get off he would cheat on me again, but I don't think he was aware of that

Anonymous 70357

to be clear I'm not dating this person anymore, maybe this wasn't the right thread for this. but yes it was definitely abusive, he was a narcissistic pornsick cheater that was always sexting with other women and gaslighting me about it, insulting everything I did then lovebombing me, saying he'd kill himself if i left, things like that. In my warped mind I thought that even if I didn't want it, as long as he was still pleased with my body, he wouldn't cheat on me (this didn't work, obviously). I still feel stupid, ugly, and disgusted by my own sexuality at times

Anonymous 70363

just while I'm bitter abd remembering shit: the first time we slept together (it was my first time in general) he coerced me into not using a condom. I was such a damn fool for staying with that scumbag for as long as I did

Anonymous 70472


Anyone else dating someone with different religious and/or political beliefs? It really tests my limits at times. We’ve been together for nearly 3 years though and I do love him.

Anonymous 70473

howd it go?

Anonymous 70498

i did. after 2.5 years i broke up with him. you will never be fully compatible and philosophical discussions will be anxiety inducing and unpleasant. can you tolerate that for the rest of your life? are you satisfied with the idea of tiptoing around certain topics forever?

Anonymous 70511

I think it would be fun to have angry sex with someone with opposite political or religious beliefs, but dating one sounds like a nightmare

I can barely navigate my boyfriend’s born-again grandma asking me why I don’t go to church

Anonymous 70516

I think about death a lot because of depression and it sucks that he’s a Christian (I’m an atheist) because I know he will never truly understand the feelings and concepts I’m trying to convey when I talk about it. I feel like he just was raised Christian and never thought deeply about his beliefs. I would never tell him but it honestly makes me ever so slightly look down on him.
The main issue is him being “pro-life” though. Every time he expresses those thoughts, I literally temporarily fall out of love with him and need to give myself 15-30min for my feelings to come back. He sees himself as a the fetus and I can tell he doesn’t put himself in the woman’s shoes at all. I don’t know what advice I wanted. I guess I just wanted to vent.

Anonymous 70520

I've been (and still am) with a guy for a while now, like 5 years or more (he's better at keeping dates than I am). I'm a Christian and relatively center to left I think (depends on the subject).
And he's an atheist, right I think and it is working quite well.
Disagreeing on politics is fun since it usually lead to a short debate. It's nice.
Honestly the only thing I miss from him is to be able to have a spiritual talk, my faith is pretty important to me and I'm having a lot of problems right now with it and that's the only thing I miss from him.

We talk a lot, and we we disagree it' s like yeah, agree to disagree and we usually drop the subject. What must help tho is that we agree on a lot of important points (kids, education, stuff like that) and if we don't, we try to find common ground.
Also I don't impose my faith I think. For me, religion is something to do in the privacy of your own room with the door and windows closed.

Anonymous 70521

>For me, religion is something to do in the privacy of your own room with the door and windows closed.
The place you'll eventually share with an atheist should you choose to marry him?

Anonymous 70523

We don't want to get married, and I already live with him. So I don't really get your question, would I be willing to share my prayer time? Some of it I guess, but I also like my alone time

Anonymous 70528

>Why the fuck are you thinking about death then?
Are you serious? Just because nothing happens after death doesn’t mean that it’s not something worth thinking about. Do you know who Albert Camus is? Do you know what existentialism is? There’s a whole branch of philisophy dedicated to exploring what death means about life.
>atheist who isn’t even doing atheism correctly
Atheism is simply the lack of belief in god. How am I “doing atheism” incorrectly?
Thanks for the reply anon.

Anonymous 70616


Okay anons. I need input on what to do. Regardless I am going to be an idiot and ask an (almost complete) stranger out for coffee, but I have a conundrum.
The issue is that there are two guys who work in the same place and I find them both attractive. I also believe I may have a chance at a 'yes' from both.
Guy 1
>like his style, a bit more my type
>have seen him more often and had minor interactions, he has returned some signals of interest (staring and intentionally passing by to look, awkward goofy shit)
>small chance he may not actually be single
>seems more social than other guy
Guy 2
>very cute but also looks kind of like a friend of mine and that might be weird
>has overtly tried to check me out more than the other guy
>seems less social which is preferable
>potentially from a religious background
>has less shifts

Should I go full Alpha and just ask them one at a time? Both at once and possibly have two dates or two rejections? I'm unusually confident for a woman with my social skills so am willing to do it.
Or is that a horrible idea? If not both, which one? Should I just flip a coin?

Anonymous 70621

easy modo.png

What's your opinion on contacting an ex? Bad idea>?

Anonymous 70622

If they weren't abusive/manipulative/cheating/etc then go for it

Anonymous 70623

I did that, it wsn't great. I feel like calling an ex is a mistake everyone should. But that said I agree with >>70622, if he was an ass don't bother

Anonymous 70624

I'll say see which one is single first and then go for it. If booth are and you like booth, flip a coin

Anonymous 70625

Don't ask both they might drop it in conversation with each other and then neither will want you.

Anonymous 70626

Vent but I just broke up a almost 3 year online relationship recently and I can't stop crying and I really want to talk to him again but I know it just won't work out, I've done everything I could to hold on but I can't deal with him not being comfortable enough to call me and send me pictures of himself or whatever he's doing because he's insecure and a depressed hikki who just "doesn't do anything worth showing" Like I've been respectful of his boundaries since we started dating and never pressured him whatsoever even though I really need these visual and auditory conformations of your existence regularly to feel like the relationship is real and we're really involved in each other's world.once a month is just not enough at all.but it's been so long goddamnit I can't blame him for still not being comfortable enough but it's been so long im so tired, everytime I bring it up (which makes me extremely uncomfortable too, I hate asking people for things) he just says sorry and that he'll do better, it's not like we don't have some other problems but they die down soon and it hurts so much because I don't think I can ever find a better match for myself other than this dude, why do we have to be so far away I hate it, it was a very painful breakup but it just won't work out online for me, I started dating him when I was a stupider than rn so I feel like I've really grown with him and we have so many precious moments together, everything reminds me of him lmao I never imagined this meme would be true, im sure it's also very painful for him and I feel really bad putting him through this since he really was trying to make it work but he is just depressed too. It's not like im not but I just know how to handle it better than him I guess, and there couldn't have been a better time to break up. He's back at his family home rn so I know he can't do something drastic in a wave of sadness, god I'm never dating anyone online ever again

Anonymous 70627


Anonymous 70630

Awww girlie… so sorry. Let me insert my own experience here, I hope you find it encouraging. About a year ago I dumped my online bf NEET ex because he just wasn’t getting his shit together (they don’t). At the time I felt just like you. Like I’d never find anyone I meshed with quite as well. He had too many unique qualities. It was emotionally eviscerating, I know it. But I got over him. And so will you. I can look back and say with confidence that I would take being alone for the rest of my damn life over a man like him. You made a good decision and you are strong enough to get through… just DO NOT reach out to him again. Fight the urge. If you need anyone to talk to I can give you my contact

Anonymous 70639

Thank u so much anon it means a lot, I'm holding up fine I think really trying my best to fight that urge lol, I read somewhere that you need to treat a breakup like a drug addiction because you're kind of fighting your addiction to a person for good to come and it really stuck in my head. I've also been so productive since I broke up lol it's crazy, maybe I'm just working a lot to take my mind off things but damn at least that man was useful for once

Anonymous 70678

I’m glad to hear you’re holding up well. It really helped me to write fake letters that I never sent. Write them whenever you’re angry or sad. Be as mean or sweet as you want since he’ll never read them. You might find yourself doing mental gymnastics to try and justify reaching out to him, but looking back now I know I would have regretted sending him even the slightest little note or text message after we broke up. Your dignity is on the line, and you don’t really want to add fuel to his misery train either. I promise you that eventually you will not give a fuck about him at all. You’ve lightened your emotional load in the long term and now you can be more productive like you said you’ve been.

Anonymous 70686


I love you anon. Everything will be okay and the sun will always rise in the morning. Think about it: if he could barely show you his face after 3 years, how would the relationship have worked in the long run, in terms of meeting up in person? Who knows if you could’ve ever gotten to that point with someone like that.
I know exactly what you mean about growing with the person you’re with and experiencing so many memories with that person. In a past relationship, he had showed me a bunch of popular media I hadn’t seen because I was pretty out of touch (e.g. Star Wars, The Office), so I was frequently being reminded of him after he left me, since those series are mentioned all the time.

Anonymous 70689


Hey gals. Wanted to update that I decided to talk with Guy 2. His family is indeed unfortunately religious (I am not) but he seemed receptive and nice. I just started talking to him during dead hours and he asked for my socials to talk later (we have the same major). And he is single! Nice.
In the end, fear that other dude was in a relationship got the better of me. But I think the decision was right. If nothing else he seems like he'd be a cool friend.

Anonymous 70726


this post seems pure, there is a root of sadness here i dont usually get with other posts. This is a real vent and i can only say that like a scar in a tree, its ugly and never goes away, but like the tree you will grow around the scar, the tree grows and becomes larger yet the scar becomes proportionally smaller and the tree will grow new branches and thousands of leaves. You will never forget it but there is so much more to gain after this. You will make it.

Anonymous 70871

Went on a nice first date with a dude but am now overcome with fears that I will mess this up. I'm already battling my attachment issues because he's a healthy guy who is returning my exact energy and who would be good for me. It's horrible, I want to either smother him or run away because he's decent.

He's just so cute anons. He was nervous at first and shook my hand twice…then complimented me over text after the date was over (both too shy to do it in person). We're the same mix of awkward yet oddly confident. It would be nice for him to be my first hand hold.

Of course due to my issues I'm also afraid he'll suddenly change his mind and ghost. Opening up to experiences with people is so hard.

Anonymous 70885

Do you have a second date with him set up? I want to tell you to not overthink things and just have a good time, but I know that's easier said than done.

Don't belittle yourself, and remember that he is a human with flaws too. He is likely thinking similar thoughts as you are, praying he won't ruin it either.

Anonymous 70888

Well. I'm getting married next year. After so much failure and hopelessness throughout my 20's, I finally found someone who makes me feel lucky.

I want to throw out some things I learned along the way. I hope it's helpful to somebody.

-Just because you're with someone who deeply understands you, relates to you, and shares your nerdy interests, does NOT mean that person will treat you right. My most painful relationship was like this. We had the most incredible, deepest conversations about philosophy, memories, identity, things that you will never talk to another human about. Unfortunately, despite all that, he didn't love me the same way I loved him. I gave him my all and he used me.

-Never throw yourself at a man, it leads to situations like above. Retain awareness of your own faults and seek to be better, but do not belittle yourself. Self-hatred will cause you to settle for a person who treats you poorly.

-If you don't have the same values, worldview and goals for the relationship, it won't work and stop thinking you'll change the person to fit yours. There is fucking absolutely nothing you can do to fix someone, so find someone you don't feel the need to change.

-You do not need to share all of your interests with a good partner. My fiance and I have very few interests/hobbies in common, and even come from different cultures and upbringings. But it actually makes our relationship more interesting because we're always learning something new.

There's plenty more but that's all for tonight

Anonymous 70889

Great advice nonnny. How do you know if someone is using you? I’d like to avoid a situation like
>Just because you're with someone who deeply understands you, relates to you, and shares your nerdy interests, does NOT mean that person will treat you right. My most painful relationship was like this. We had the most incredible, deepest conversations about philosophy, memories, identity, things that you will never talk to another human about. Unfortunately, despite all that, he didn't love me the same way I loved him. I gave him my all and he used me.
if I can.
How’d you meet your beau? When did you know he was the one for you? Sounds to me like the above was a match made in heaven. Could’ve fooled me into thinking hes marriage material if I met a person like that

Anonymous 70890

I dont know if you can. Because 'using' is often just mismatched goals for the relationship.
Just because you give someone sex, does not mean they have to give you love. Nobody owes you a relationship.
Just because someone gives you love, doesn't mean you have to give it back. You don't owe anyone a relationship.

And at any point, anyone can leave the relationship at any time. And that's ok. It has to be consensual at all points.

Anonymous 70899

Anonymous 70903

Why don't long term relationships simply don't happen for me ? I'm in my mid-20s, and I feel very immature : I feel like I'm stuck in teenage-tier relationships that can't last more than 6 months.
For reference, the only people I know in the same situation as I am are 2 black dudes in their 30s or a woman with autism.

Anonymous 70908

Female realist.


Butthurt male.

Anonymous 70922

>How'd you meet your beau?
At work. We were acquaintances/friends for 5 years before we started dating. I had 0 attraction for him at first, though he had romantic interest in me for much longer.

>When did you know he was the one for you?

It's a very long story that I can't do justice to in a post like this. Again, for the first several years of knowing him, I wasn't romantically interested (for, in hindsight, shallow reasons). But throughout our work/friendship, he was always kind to me while expecting nothing in return. He'd share his snacks with me. Dropped by my cube to shoot the shit. Showed a genuine interest in my life, asking questions and listening to my babble. I started seeing him differently one night when he rescued me from a round of depressive drinking and encouraged me to get out of the rut I found myself in. I slowly started noticing what a fantastic person he was: The way he treated others, his well-rounded interests, his attitude, his genuinely good character (the rarest quality to come by). When Covid happened, I couldn't see him at work anymore, and I missed him terribly. And I realized I was in love, and how stupid I was for not giving him a chance years earlier.

>Sounds to me like the above was a match made in heaven.

Well, in certain ways it was. It felt like a starcrossed lovers, "soulmate" connection. Unfortunately, the person I loved was a sociopath and my rose-colored glasses hid this fact. He was very manipulative and I had no self-esteem, so at the time I couldn't recognize it when he treated me like dirt. This is why it's so important to develop confidence, so you don't take shit like how I once did.

Anonymous 70924


Forgot to answer
>How do you know if someone is using you?
Pay close attention to how much they sacrifice for you. Do they go OUT OF THEIR WAY for you, even if it's inconvenient for them? Or are you the only one doing this for them? Do they proactively do nice things for you without you asking for it?

Find someone who treats you as a PRIORITY, not as an OPTION. The following are things your partner will do if they see you as an option:

-Set you aside for seemingly unimportant reasons of theirs. The very first time I slept with him, the sociopath I was with left me alone in bed immediately afterwards to go on an MMO raid he planned with his online friends, instead of staying to cuddle. It was emotionally crushing on the inside, but I had 0 self esteem so I took it. NEVER accept this sort of treatment from someone who claims to care for you.

-Accept everything that you give them, but will give nothing but their own babble in return. Or anything that is convenient and easy for them to give.

-Keep in close contact with their exes even if you express your discomfort. They DO NOT care about your comfort if you are an option to them.

-Give more critique than encouragement/compliments. That's not to say that critique is bad, but your partner should never make you feel shitty about yourself.

-Go behind your back, lie, and withhold information. If your gut tells you they're being dishonest, they probably are. Do not waste your time on someone you don't feel you can trust.

Anonymous 70925

I posted about this somewhere on this imageboard before. I have a massive, massive crush on one of my teachers. he's 50 and has a son my age. someone jokingly told me to just date his son, but I actually met his son today and… god damn. he's so fucking handsome.

How fucked would it be to date this guy? this is like some sort of screwed up wattpad story. obviously i have no plan to try and seduce my hot teacher. i care far too much about the feelings of other women to ever be a homewrecker.

so yeah. should i date the hot son of my hot teacher?

Anonymous 70926

how do i get over someone i edated

Anonymous 70927

If he's hot and he has a good personality why not. At least go out with him and see if you get along

As long as you're not thinking about his dad constantly when you're with him which I think would be kinda low-level creepy

Anonymous 70931


What's the best way to flirt with a guy who's shy? I just want to get across that I'm attracted to him but it feels impossible

Anonymous 70932

Block them everywhere. Delete any trace of them that pops up in your digital everyday. Talk shit about them with your friends, have a rebound, get a haircut, all the normal things. It gets a lot better with time.

Anonymous 70933

Straight up tell him. It worked for me.

Anonymous 70934

This image and the OP image annoy me

Anonymous 70935

?? why

Anonymous 70936

you've browsed /pol/ for too long. you've poisoned your mind.

Anonymous 70937

Anonymous 70938

I don't even know how to get him alone, anon

Anonymous 70939

wtf does that have to do with /pol/

Anonymous 70940

They’re just such obvious self-insert fantasies

Anonymous 70945

Tbf that's the literal point of OP pic.

Anonymous 70956

Sorry anon, I'll just fantasize about anime guys with white women then does that make you feel better?

Anonymous 71056

And? Does it bother you that women have fantasies about being with handsome guys?

Anonymous 71060

Why is it never with guys that look like them?

Anonymous 71063


Most yumejo draw themselves with anime guys, this includes pale and dark women. The fact is that anime is mostly pale asian men. What else do you expect? Why does it upset you that women that "look like us" make this kind of art?

Anonymous 71064

It’s just gives off cringey/self-hating vibes.

Anonymous 71066

Okay retard
Does anyone have a good answer for this? If it helps pol anon, he's the same race as me.

Anonymous 71075

Do you seethe like this when it's light-skinned female characters and dark-skinned male characters? I don't understand your obsession

Anonymous 71079

it’s more of a second-hand embarassment than seething lol

Anonymous 71144

I feel like I owe you gals an update, as I haven't posted much recently.
I did convince him to start going to a therapist again, and he agreed to have me participate in the sessions.
He's disclosed things that he's never told me, and I suspect anyone else either. He's teared up multiple times during the sessions.

I'm not a psychologist or a medical professional of any kind, but I now suspect that his image of emotional bluntness was just a front for his suppressed internal hurt and vulnerability. I think this ultimately made our bond even stronger, despite my fears.

I'd have to thank this anon >>69700 in particular for her advice. I wouldn't have thought of all these necessary steps if it weren't for her.

He still puts up a "tough guy" appearance, for lack of a better term. He pretends that nothing happened after the very emotional and draining therapy sessions, puts on a smile, projects confidence, etc. Again, this is probably caused by his insecurity. I think it's early for me to confront THAT aspect of his personality, so I just humor him for now. I don't want to knock him down while he's making so much progress.

Yes, I know that I'm investing a lot of time and emotional energy into this, but I feel like him. Sue me, I'm in love or whatever.
All these people telling me to "just break up with him lol" are not very helpful and missing the point. I still really do like him. I'd hate myself if I just dumped him because of his emotional problems, that would make me feel awful.
He's shown me nothing but kindness (even if he claims that it's just "an act"), and I feel like I should repay in kind.

Sorry if this comes off as "simping for a moid" and pick me behavior and such. I just don't want to ruin this relationship when there's an opportunity to grow together instead.

Anonymous 71145


Hey everyone. Does anyone else think the CIA is messing with their love lives? Whenever I am interested in a man I can't help but notice certain CIA terminology they use as well as the fact they wear some CIA uniform items for operations.

Anonymous 71148

I'm very happy that you found my advice useful!

So you two have already started going to therapy, what about his progress? Do you already notice some changes?

>I think it's early for me to confront THAT aspect of his personality, so I just humor him for now. I don't want to knock him down while he's making so much progress.

He might even end up completely dropping that trait once his mental health is fixed. As you said, now it's time to wait and see, these things take time. If it still persists, then of course you should bring up the topic and discuss it with him.

>but I feel like him. Sue me, I'm in love or whatever.

Well, you did mention that your bond is getting stronger right? It seems that this is the right option then. Sometimes one must not act against one's feelings, and follow the heart instead.

>He's shown me nothing but kindness (even if he claims that it's just "an act"), and I feel like I should repay in kind.

Keep in mind that it's more than likely not "just an act" when it's with you. From what you've told us it seems that you have a completely special status compared to everyone else. It might be an act with others, but probably not with you or his online friend.

>I just don't want to ruin this relationship when there's an opportunity to grow together instead.

I feel that this is generally an important lesson in life, sometimes we have to make choices that entail some risks, but can also have very positive outcomes. Try to keep a cool head and to help to steer the situation into favourable outcomes.

Good luck with the therapy!

Anonymous 71150


>CIA terminology
>CIA uniform items

Anonymous 71153

you could be targeted. visit the TI thread in /x/. don't mind the retards telling you you're "schizo" and "deranged", this is a very true thing that's been happening to at least 3 anons on the board now.
in the TI thread, i've described in detail how the glowies have been messing with me, including (and specifically) with my love life due to making me extremely saddened and enraged, seething about the ugly moid and beautiful woman couple street theater (paid performances by unsuspecting normalfags) i see every single day in my presence.

Anonymous 71156

Has anyone been the older woman in a relationship? How did it go?
We're both adults in our 20s but I'm 4 years his senior. We're in similar stages (I started post-secondary late) and both inexperienced from what I can tell, but I fear an issue will arise. I already prefer taking on a mature/caretaking role so that's not the problem. I don't know.
Am I immoral? That also worries me.

Anonymous 71163


Recently connected with someone I (still) have a crush on after years via internet, but after 1 30 minute conversation she hasn't messaged me back and i feel.. bleak and empty and like im torturing myself waiting for a message.

thank u for reading my blog

Anonymous 71194

>meet a neat guy who fits my standards
>still tear up over thoughts of male friend who didn't even consider me like that
What a pain, I thought I was over him but it seems this damage is permanent. I vowed I'd never date men again because of it and should have stuck to that.

He isn't even a good match for me and I would never date him now that I'veaccepted that. This is so depressing. I think I just arranged it in my head to believe that he was my destiny or whatever and getting to know him during a vulnerable time in my life didn't help.

Perhaps I'm even better off alone forever. There's also an almost-gf I had who leaves me with a similar sick feeling from FIVE FUCKING YEARS AGO so even women may be out of the question. Doomed to fall in love only twice before the age of 25 and fail to kiss either.

Anonymous 71237

one of my (used to be?) close friends is secretly dating my ex and it’s so obvious. i found out through social media but she never told me about it. the breakup also happened like 3 months ago so the wound is still fresh. she promised to keep in touch because we were the ones that were friends to begin with.. we visited events together, had regular sleepovers, used to text for hours as well. she never hung out with my ex alone despite me saying it was okay to do. the last 2 months it was really difficult to get in contact with her. she doesn’t really answer my questions about her life (generic questions like “how has your work been?” or me sending memes or talking about memories together) do i confront her about this? maybe ask her to call? i wouldn’t feel this disappointed if she’d just tell me. i miss her.

Anonymous 71246


I spent the night with this guy. Literally bled all in his bed. I lied and said it was my latex allergy and now I have to ask him to send me my favorite earring in the mail. Why is dating so hard.

Anonymous 71262

You should discuss it face to face if you want to get anywhere. You might lose your friend but at least you'll understand why she did this and why she kept it from you, and it'll be better than letting it fester

Anonymous 71263

It sounds like you've been repressing these feelings because the rejection hurt. If you don't embrace the fact that you had/have (whichever is fine) feelings for these people and that they weren't returned and that that SUCKS hard, you won't get past it.
I've been in your same situation when I was younger, where it felt like my first love was the only love and all others are just a pale imitation. But you can come out on the other side. After getting a handle on everything, I now see that the potential for real love comes from attraction and like, and there is nothing so special about any one person except for the one who loves you too. (There is especially nothing all that great about someone who rejected you!) This is coming from someone who wrote a journal of poetry about the first guy I really fell for. As people say, the only way out is through. I still think about exes when I start becoming interested about someone, and that's natural. You're gaining more experience, which means you can see you're a whole person with a detailed story. Some guy is not going to be the final chapter in your life. You are your own main character.

Anonymous 71274

Thank you, I am honestly very grateful.
I am not sure how much I should try to "steer" his development. One, I don't want to mold him into some shape, that sounds a bit sociopathic. His general aloofness is one of the reasons I actually like him for, so if that's his real personality under the trauma and coping mechanisms, I'd hate to force him into another fake act just to satisfy me.
I just want to help him find his "real" self, and nothing more, nothing less.


That's a valid point but I'm not sure if it applies in his case, though.
I have a distant-ish cousin with high functioning autism / aspergers, and it's a bit different from my experience.
Like, it doesn't seem like he fails to pick up social ques or nonverbal language, it's more like he's emotionally detached from everything. During one of the sessions, he said he's mostly bored out of his mind when interacting with people he doesn't care about, but forces himself because he is expected to. He said if he didn't do that, he'd be staring at the ceiling most of the time, and rolling his eyes when one of his relatives says something stupid.
But, I am not a mental health professional, so take my opinion with a grain of salt. He definitely does "mask", but not in a way a person with autism/aspergers would.

Sometimes I think that him going to therapy for may sake, and disclosing all these things, is just another act, but I keep these thoughts to myself. In fact, I feel guilty that I even entertain such thoughts. He's done everything I asked of him, and I still question his intentions.

But one thing I'm really confident of is that his connections to his deeply religious extended family does him more harm than good. I've been to one of those family gatherings, and I had to clench my teeth the whole time because of the questionable things they say. Especially when they praise his father, who is a detestable piece of shit.
At the same time, I don't want to be the stereotypical "manipulative" girlfriend who isolates their partner from the outside world. I will wait until he lets it out, and then talk to him about it.
But for now, the way it is, if he cuts himself off from his extended family, he will have to cut himself off from everyone he's related to by blood, including his cousins, whom he's seems to be quite fond of.
It's a really shitty situation all around.

Anonymous 71295

>I am not sure how much I should try to "steer" his development.
>I just want to help him find his "real" self
Well, I mostly meant that, sometimes people need some help in order to get there.

>Sometimes I think that him going to therapy for may sake, and disclosing all these things, is just another act, but I keep these thoughts to myself.

We can't rule that out, but it does sound quite farfetched. I think there's not much point in worrying about that because it will probably only make you feel bad.

>In fact, I feel guilty that I even entertain such thoughts. He's done everything I asked of him, and I still question his intentions.

It's normal that you feel like this I think, it was a shocking revelation after all. It will get better with time.

>At the same time, I don't want to be the stereotypical "manipulative" girlfriend who isolates their partner from the outside world. I will wait until he lets it out, and then talk to him about it.

Good, this is a reasonable idea.

Anonymous 71297

vent incoming
anyone else seems to always attract the same kind of fucked up men who reek not like other moids schizoid doomerw shit and give off massive lurker vibes even if they've never been on an imageboard before?
i'm sick that happening, those guys are always the most into me on dating apps and back when I was active on a niche interest fb group a few dmed me and said they wanted to be friends lmao
of course being young and stupid I went along because I didn't know better and they I swear almost every one of them had bpd
hell sometimes moids like this approach me irl wtf is wrong with me?
I never once emulated their deranged board culture behavior nor am I an e-girl and yet they cling to me with their disgusting hairy fly hands like I'm a freshly shit out dog turd
admittedly I may come across a tiny bit nlog-y based on my clothes but other than that?
I don't think it's my personality, I easily make friends with normies and don't get along with the doomer scrotes in the long run (obviously lol)

Anonymous 71319

Thank you, anon. I needed this little pep talk.
Maybe there is some moving on I still need to do, even if I'm finished the "mourning" part of it. If I think about it I still have anger at the fact this man straight up lead me on sometimes, legitimately flirting but denying anything further. It's conditioned me to be cautious with this new guy (who is as upfront as me and explicitly likes me).
The fact that I'm still romanticizing this friend is likely the issue. I do care for him since he's ultimately a bit of a mess in his emotions, but he wasn't a saint to me and I need to face that. There were issues with the woman too, although she wasn't manipulative there is a reason we no longer speak.

This helped. Thanks again!

Anonymous 71324

My boyfriend is getting crap from other people for being with me because I have a bad rep. We've basically been together for around 4 years but we only really made it public a few weeks ago; in the past we presented as just close friends.
People used to poke fun at him, joking about us being in a relationship, but now that they know I'm actually his girlfriend, they've been ruder about it. After realizing, two of his friends refused to talk to him entirely for several days. Thankfully he just laughed this off as them being idiots and didn't seem to care.
Generally every day people will insult him on the basis of being with me, say mean things about me to him, or recommend that he ditches me. Nobody saw me for a while and several people got excited and speculated that we broke up, and they seemed disappointed when it turned out we were still spending time together. I just happened to be away for a while and that's all.
He'll stick up for me or just ignore them or laugh it off but sometimes I feel guilty about it. I don't really know what advice I'm looking for, but… I guess a neutral opinion on the situation would be nice?
>why is your reputation so bad
I was pretty retarded as a teenager and just really cringy and neurotic. It's not like people think I'm evil or anything, just sort of a local lolcow in our small community, someone stupid to laugh at.
Enough time has passed that I'm not like that anymore and I've matured a lot from my underage self, but people still remember me that way and mostly won't interact with me. It sucks but I can make peace with it. I'm more bothered by how people are beginning to ignore or insult my bf for loving me since he didn't do anything wrong

Anonymous 71325

Good luck anon, I believe in you

Anonymous 71326

What exactly did you do?
If it's really that bad, I'd advise that you move away from this town, and build a new life with your boyfriend

Anonymous 71332

>was obsessive and spergy about niche interests, would go on about stuff even though no1curr
>used idiosyncratic terminology, a lot of stuff I've said have become local memes/catchphrases
>drew cringy deviantART stuff, like having OCs that were just recolors of existing characters with an edgy backstory tacked on
>easily upset and often cried over dumb minor stuff like losing in video games
>off-key and awkward sense of humor
>some private conversations in which I talked about sexual feelings were leaked
>mocked for never having kissed a boy or had sex by adulthood
>had embarrassing phase where I tried to dress "sexy" to get a bf (to no avail)
>used to be overweight
>some insults are based around me appearing notably underage for an adult woman (I'm rather short)
>some insults are based on racial stereotypes
Like I said it's not like I did anything really super malicious, I was just easy to make fun of and it's a small circle where it's easy to stick out.
It would be nice to find a new community, but unfortunately that may be unrealistic for some time. Additionally what sucks is that a lot of it comes from people that he's been friends with for years and years, so of course that's tougher to simply let go of and naturally he wants to try to get them to be more respectful before resorting to cutting them out.
I would not mind if people were just poking fun and I try to joke around myself, but it's kind of going too far, like how today some people were calling him a zoophile again. that's getting distasteful

Anonymous 71334

Anon wtf. You just sound like any nerdy teen girl I grew up with.
Is it the whole town or a community within the town?
Either way it blows and is stupid of them. So sorry you're going through this.

Anonymous 71336

What did you say though?
There are some things that can cross the line.. (ie racism)

Anonymous 71339

He sounds kinda like a freaky weirdo. Also, you don't him shit. Especially if he's gunna treat every argument like an episode of fucking Law and Order.

Anonymous 71351

I'm currently in a LDR relationship with someone I met online. we meet up in person when we can. he seems to really, really care for me and love me. he goes above and beyond what I feel like I deserve. he is genuinely a very good person, with a good heart. I'm just worried that I might have jumped into a relationship too soon and that the "spark" isn't there because of it.

a few months before dating, I had gotten out of a 2.5 year relationship with a sociopathic cheating gaslighter that always tore me down. my self esteem was bad before that relationship, now it is even worse. how he treated me definitely still affects me.

then I met this guy through our mutual friends. he was going through a hard time and I felt sympathy for him as a friend and tried to help him out. as we talked we got closer and I started to develop a crush on him. but it seems like after that initial infatuation period, the "spark" isn't there. so I'm worried that I'm just used to the narcissistic love-bombing that my ex did, and that I miss it. current bf does compliment me a lot, and he's even a bit shy so it means a lot more when he does it. but my ex was my first real relationship so maybe it set the standard.

or worse, maybe I never really liked him all that much and just used him as a rebound. he is genuinely such a good person and he treats me so well. I have never been appreciated or respected like this. I really, really want to love him, I'm just not sure if I actually do. thoughts?

Anonymous 71352


>developed feelings for a good male friend
>sexuality crisis strikes again
>not sure if confessing is a good idea; fearing for the friendship
god why am i like this

Anonymous 71357

>I have never been appreciated or respected like this.
Stay with him. The honeymoon phase doesn’t last forever, but that doesn’t mean the love is gone.

Anonymous 71362

If you were reborn into your body as a kid, having experienced everything that happened in your life, would you still choose to get with your current partner? Or would you opt to try to get with someone different?

Anonymous 71364

>If you were reborn into your body as a kid, having experienced everything that happened in your life, would you still choose to get with your current partner?
Yes, without a doubt.

Anonymous 71392

time travel.jpeg

Thank you anon. My answer is also yes so this helps validates my feelings.

My husband, who brought this stupid hypothetical situation up in context of something fun like "oh haha you could tell people about stuff that would happen and no one would believe you", was talking about the things he would do different if he could redo his life. I asked "what would you do about me?" expecting some cute bullshit so I could move on with a smile or whatever. Instead he said he would choose to get with someone else "to have different experiences" and it hurt my feelings and made me feel like I'm not good enough.

He said something like "I will have lived a life with you at that point, is one life not enough?" I pointed out that it kind of dismisses everything that happened in our relationship and the good that has come out of it for both of us, let alone the things we will never experience together in this one life because of how life is. Especially if in this scenario he is the only one in this who had this happen to–he would know the shit I would be going through and would actively choose not to help me. Like in Groundhog Day before Bill Murray realized he was being a selfish prick for 1000 years.

I would choose him again and again, knowing how things play out, knowing what we go through.

I don't know. I've been upset about it. I hate to be that "babe you wouldn't love me as a worm?!?" person but… it just feels shitty. We spent time talking through it and he was very understanding of what I was saying but he still held his fucking ground.

Maybe he just wasn't thinking about it that deeply which in that case don't play this hypothetical shit with me then, the whole point is to consider all angles.

For what it's worth he is actually a good partner, shows me he loves me a lot through words and actions, and has done a lot for me. This idiotic conversation fucked me up

Anonymous 71405

Hmm, I see. In a way I can see the reasoning behind his choice (and why it upsets you). Is he extroverted? Something tells me that someone who is introverted, like me, will have a tendency to say yes while an extroverted person will tend to say no.

>This idiotic conversation fucked me up

It's better to just forget about it. If he's a good partner as you say then the whole situation is meaningless.

Anonymous 71409

Yes. If it’s like I wake up tomorrow with the same brain just in my childhood body, I will still have the same feelings and love and desire to be with my boyfriend. If I woke up and found out I had been shipped half way around the world, I would immediately try to get into contact with him and get back to him. I wouldn’t say “oh well” and start a life with a new Madagascarian guy for the experience.

Anonymous 71424


>Instead he said he would choose to get with someone else "to have different experiences" and it hurt my feelings and made me feel like I'm not good enough.
>"I will have lived a life with you at that point, is one life not enough?"
Uh yeah what the fuck?

Anonymous 71425

NTA but there are schools (and by extension communities) where you have plenty of these kinds of people and you also have schools where there's maybe, MAYBE one, and that person stands WAY out.
I've been to both kinds of schools, the bar for social suicide is way, way lower in such small, homogeneous communities.
I remember in elementary school how I caused jaws to drop and rumors to fly around making me into a weirdo when I said I don't believe in god but I do believe in aliens (not even them visiting us or grays or w/e, just that I don't think we are all there is in all of space).
As for the anon who originally asked, your best bet is if you two can move the fuck away from there, you're really not that weird, you're just a weird fish in a small pond.

Anonymous 71469

Vent incoming but I genuinely don't know if I'm overthinking or extra sensitive due to being over-exhausted from work lately.

My bf (been dating for like 4 months, we were coworkers in different departments for around 2 years) is best friends with his ex and I've told him that it makes me feel hurt/uncomfortable when it feels like he prioritizes her over me and that I sometimes just feel like a side-piece, ie dropping what we're doing to answer when she calls or bending over backwards to do favors for her. For example, he went to go stay at her place to watch her cat while she was away on vacation for a week which really hurt as he didn't ask how I felt about it and just informed me that it was happening. It seemed for a while that what I said was genuinely taken into consideration and he did better about it.

This weekend I was over my bfs, had stayed Saturday night prior, and brought my work clothes and stuff for Sunday the same as I've done for the last several weekends for months. He gets a text in the middle of the day before my shift starts at 3pm and asks me if I'd brought my work clothes/stuff to get ready for work and if I wanted to get ready for work at his place or at my apartment. I said I'd brought my work stuff and was just going to get ready for work at his place same as always. He then proceeds to not text me for almost my entire 8 hr shift after I go to work and then tells me he had dinner with his ex.

I really thought about being nasty about it, as we've talked about him
dropping me as soon as she hits him up and telling him that it makes sense now that he wanted to get rid of me in the middle of the day and
that it's good for him that he has someone to go on dates with when my job has been absolutely killing me and keeping me really busy for
the entire month of December. I don't do well with confrontation in relationships and I opted to just blow him off Sunday night into my
shift on Monday because I just couldn't deal with it on top of work.

He eventually decides he's gonna stay over my apartment Monday night as I think he gathered that I wasn't feeling super great. He goes to show me some shit on tiktok and ofc a whole bunch of porny shit he's liked comes up which is another thing I've talked to him about as it makes me feel really shitty and not good enough. I've had an eating disorder and issues with my appearance since forever and he knows it makes me feel like shit. So now I feel terrible twice over.

My friend told him to dump him so I have more time to focus on my speedrunning lol. I feel like garbage for not being able to nut up and tell him to quit acting like an asshole, the worst part is he's really great and really cares about me the other 90% of the time. It's
majorly confusing. I think he just genuinely doesn't get it due to autism or something. Thank u for reading my blogpost.

Anonymous 71470

jfc, that anon's pic isn't even self-insert art (nor does it look like it): https://twitter.com/sofiaealexander/status/1466498548627771394
You just get mad when a dark-skinned girl is drawn with a pale boy, and for some reason you have this weird idea that someone drawing herself with an attractive(=light-skinned?) character, but like she actually is instead of making herself paler or cooler, is "self-hating", or embarrassing due to the girl's appearance. It sounds like you have issues.

Bump for this, and on that note, how do you ask a random shy guy out? Or should I just give up on trying to flirt with guys I don't know? It's rare to find a man who is my type where I live, so when I lose my chance it feels worse because who knows when I'll find another one.

Anonymous 71474

My boyfriend is really sweet, loving , and we've both changed a lot since our relationship started in positive ways. He wants to marry me, but I guess there's two ugly little things I've never talked about that I feel gross for knowing. He dated one of his ex's friends after her and that's always been incredibly trashy and slutty to me. I don't really have female friends, but it does make me feel gross anyway. When I first heard that, it grossed me so much I considered not talking to him anymore (we were talking then). But nearly 3 years later, I'm still here. The other thing is that early in in our relationship when he was super high, he called me his ex's name when I was giving him a bj. It grossed me the hell out, but I was high at the time, too (we are both totally sober now), so I just shut up and didn't mention it because I didn't want to start a fight. I kind of am not too bothered by it because I have almost accidentally called my bf my ex"s name before, but I never actually do and I also never have done that during a sex act. I also was with my ex for way longer than my bf was with his ex (I was with my ex for almost 4 years when we broke up).

Should I mention these to him before we get married? Or no? I feel bad I'm judgemental, but I also don't care because that stuff is nasty to me.

Anonymous 71476


I recently started a relationship with a really cute, funny, and sweet boy. We’re both 19 and in very “fun” periods of our lives, lots of our hobbies and interests overlap, we can talk for hours about anything.. I can feel my insecurities are limiting me already and I know that in general I should become more confident/self-fulfilled. But I have a tendency to be dependent on others , and because my boyfriend is so sweet and earnest , I felt early on that I was very attached because he makes me feel good. Is there any advice on how to be reasonably clingy and complimentary to someone?
This problem is a bit exasperated bc I recently moved to a city where I have no friends (but I am trying to make some! Recently started a job and will join local groups/clubs)
My bf lives about a 2 1/2 hr drive away and I think we will pretty regularly visit each other. We have been dating since early December. he was the first to say “I love you” . Sometimes I have a hard time showing affection due to growing up isolated and trauma from grooming .. but i think with time all things get easier :3 i just dont want to lose him .

Anonymous 71477

>he had dinner with his ex.
Wowww… a guy being friends with his ex is already a total dealbreaker for me, but this is a new level of dirtbag. I wish you would leave him.

Anonymous 71478


When a man says he is "concerned" about you and doesn't show up to your work with roses, coffee, and doughnuts. Maybe dump him, is think.

Anonymous 71728

OP pic is self-insert art. And yes, it’s awfully embarrassing and cringy.

Anonymous 71747

i don’t think it’s rape as couples do this all the time tbh

Anonymous 71819

You're retarded

Anonymous 71820

you're either cluster b or traumatized by your boyfriend who did that or both. either way, disgusting, i thought it was a moidpost when i first looked.

Anonymous 71821

thank you anons, I'm the OP of >>70352. it's been hard coming to terms with it but I will be seeing a therapist soon and can unpack everything

Anonymous 71825

i once woke my bf up by giving him fellatio. he would sometimes do the same for me, we never thought of it as r*pe

Anonymous 71826

you’re just looking for a story. you have deeper things you need to unpack.

Anonymous 71828

what makes you say that

Anonymous 71829

I assume it wasn't physically painful for either of you

Anonymous 71834

thanks, i'm not eating anything tonight, this is disgusting
on the side note, blowjobs != inserting something into your anal cavity by force.


don't get why are you asking that, maybe you are bpd?

Anonymous 71850

This is cute anon, hope you have lots of fun. I'm clingy too–the best thing I did was just try to focus on hobbies whenever I felt like I just wanted to be with someone but couldn't. I also don't have a lot of friends in my town but having some definitely makes it easier because you're not putting your feelings all onto one person

Good luck!

Anonymous 71900

I want to break up with my boyfriend but I genuinely think that he will kill himself. I don't know what to do.

Anonymous 71901

You aren’t responsible for what he does. If he’s threatening you about it, he most likely won’t.

Anonymous 71903

He's not even necessarily threatened me with it, but he has mentioned being suicidal recently. I worry a lot because his father has guns in the house, and he doesn't have any close friends besides me and he's recently run into some bad circumstances with his job and family.

I'm worried this sounds like I am leaving him because of his unfortunate circumstances or something, but that's not the case. We've been together for 6 years and the reasons I want to leave are a lot of underlying problems that just can't seem to work out between us. It really hurts, and I don't want anything bad to happen to him, but I do want to move on… I've been thinking about it for a while. But even though I don't love him anymore I still feel like I want to take care of him in a way.

Sorry for venting.

Anonymous 71905

I wish I could bring myself to break up with my boyfriend, I think we'll never be able to be truly happy together and he's too mentally ill to handle relationships but I still love him anyways
it hurts, too bad there's no way to warn myself in the past to stay single

Anonymous 71906

banana joe.jpg

I feel sad knowing that the man I have feelings for will never return them and that even if we had a relationship, it would never work out. I'm 18 and he's 28. We're at completely different stages of our life because of our age gap. He sees me as an innocent kid and he sees himself as my mentor. (which is all true in a sense)
I know it's wrong to like him but I have never met someone like him before. I have never had someone tell me so much about their personal life before and their secrets. He's so observant, smart, funny, and cute. We have such good chemistry and I feel safe around him.
I just wish I met him at a different time. I wish my feelings for him would end. I hope I meet someone like him later in life but I'm afraid I never will.
Also this pic is prolly how he sees me, man. God, I wish I was older already.

Anonymous 71908

Raise your standards anon and ghost this loser. He’s either grooming you or using you as an emotional dumping ground. You being a teen outweighs everything you like about him and he knows it but can’t let you know it. A nearly 30 year old creep is not going to easily find a teen to fuck and so he has to manipulate you into wanting it. You could have any 30 year old creep you want and he knows it. Seriously, this guy is nothing special, he just has more life experience. Enjoy being a teen and date someone closer to your own age or don’t and stay single. Either way, dating a nearly 30 year old creep is not the way to go, trust me. There’s a reason he isn’t using any women his own age as an emotional dumping ground. They all know better by that age.

Anonymous 71909

And seeing you as an innocent kid is what he likes most about you as it means you will be easier to manipulate. He’s already gotten pretty far already.

Anonymous 71910

Oh my god, I didn't even see it that way. It hurts that you too are prolly right and I should ghost him. Thanks for pointing that out Anons, I think I just dodged a bullet

Anonymous 71911

No problem. I’m 30ish and the thought of spending time with a teen or trying to explain my life to a teen isn’t appealing due the differences in life experiences. Other normal 30 year olds would feel the same. At best you might have a shared interest but that’s it and even that would get tiresome pretty quickly. Any older person who wants to spend a bunch of time with you outside of a professional relationship (or being a relative) is probably a creep as there is just nothing in the relationship for them.

Anonymous 71916

This is some 6000W, IMAX-tier projection. It sounds like the guy is just being nice to someone younger than him and you have some real issues you need to resolve before you start handing out dictates to teenagers.

As long as you know a relationship could never work, it's likely these feelings will eventually subside and you'll feel silly for ever being so worked up over it. Just stay safe and make sure the relationship remains one where deeper feelings can't develop. I wouldn't have my degree without guidance and support from a post-grad I met 10 years older than me.

Anonymous 71918

>This is some 6000W, IMAX-tier projection.
This, lol. Such extreme kneejerk reactions to an age gap. I met my bf when I was 18 and he was 26 and we’re still together years later.

Anonymous 71919

Cope harder

Anonymous 71932

based, this man is extremely suspicious. zero chance he's actually a decent man and not a borderline pedo, else he'd try someone his age.

Anonymous 71933

How am I coping? I’m in a healthy long-term relationship lol.
>borderline pedo

Anonymous 71939


I dont really know where else to post about this. I'm probably gonna ask for some advice from the few people i talk to semi-regularly bu t I'm realizing that I'm probably not as ready for a relationship as I thought I was.
I started talking to a guy I met on a general i frequent on 4ch*nnel. I decided to be open to the idea of trying something after a few weeks of talking and then from there it started to develop. It was very nice and its nice to be with someone again. But recently after having been together a month officially, I realized that I'm still the same as I was before. I had a huge meltie years ago from a breakup. Over the years Ive picked up the pieces. I realize where I went wrong in that relationship, I can identify the points where I fucked up and how. I thought that meant I changed, but I realize that just because I can identify these things, doesn't mean I know how to fix them. And these same issues of intense jealousy are back again, loneliness, and creeping obsession are coming up again. I thought I was capable of being independent, withholding feelings of jealousy and being above them, but thats not the case. I feel like I'm standing where I was years ago. And it feels like I've already set us on a path of failure.
He hasn't done anything wrong, he has his friends, he has a female friend thats nothing more than that, he plays vidya with them all and has a good time. Meanwhile, I play alone almost all the time, I can't help but sit around and wait until he talked to me or am antsy for it, and now I'm finding this friend that I didn't find to be a threat for the most part months back, now startin to irk me. And she doesn't deserve it either! But I don't know how to change, I don't know how to not be possessive or jealous.
I don't know what I'm expecting out of this post. Whether advice, or no replies. I don't know. I'm just tearing myself apart feeling like its too late, I can't go back and that the best course is for him to leave me since I'm extremely volatile emotionally. I don't know why I thought I was stable enough to enter something with someone again. All I'm doing is falling back into old patterns and I can't stop myself from falling. I'm a fool.
Thank for reading my blog!

Anonymous 71941

Could you be her friend. Do something just the two of you?
There is a girl like that I know, and I do random zelda playz with

Anonymous 71942

We were supposed to 'meet' and talk a few nights ago. And I thought the best course of action was exposure therapy and agreeing to talking and befriending her. But after that meltdown years ago, it's crippled me socially so much that I am both terrified and abhor meeting new people almost entirely. Mostly terrified.
It's just a mix of different things. Jealousy, turmoil over my behavior, loneliness and knowing there is nothing that can be done over the immense feeling of loneliness. A relationship, friends, even people I spend time with, they do nothing for it. And I can't seek mental health help either.

Anonymous 71947

Don't apologize for venting, that's what the thread is for. About two years ago I was in a similar situation as you, and kept wavering between breaking up and not because I didn't want him to kill himself (even though he hadn't threatened to). Eventually I read somewhere that your life is about you, and no one else… I broke up with him. He kept spamming me for a while from different accounts and even contacted one of my family members to tell her he had tried to kill himself and was in a mental hospital. And you know what? I didn't really care. I know that sounds terrible but once he's out of your life it will become clear to you that he is not your responsibility, and you can just live your life. At this point it wouldn't even crush me to hear that he had actually done it, even though when I was with him I thought we were gonna get married. Just let go, anon

Anonymous 72015


i met this guy, he seems to meet my most fundamental standards
>same religion
>even tempered
>healthy social life
>good relationship with family
>at least one masculine hobby
>not fat

but he has this spergy gamer boy sense of humor that sometimes comes out and it irks me because that isnt my sense of humor at all. we do share enough of a sense of humor that we can make each other laugh but some of what he says seems to come straight from 2010 4chan and i just have to ignore it. hes a few years younger than me but its still kinda obnoxious. i do think that if anything can ever change about a person, its their sense of humor. mine has changed a lot over the years. i guess time will tell if we have enough shared humor that i can tolerate it, because he seems to be a quality moid in the other ways that are important to me.

i still have a hard time not comparing other men’s humor to my ex, who had such a perfect sense of humor in my mind. he was an ideal match and most men just arent that funny in the first place. i realize this is a little unfair so i wonder if it clouds my judgement of this current guy

Anonymous 72018

The cool thing about relationships is you grow together and change. If you like him stay with him and see if you can introduce more of your own humor. My bf was definitely cringy when we first met and he grew out of it eventually.

Granted if you're only trying to make yourself like him because he matches up with your standards that's probably not the best way to do a relationship

Anonymous 72020

thats true, im glad to hear it worked out for you

i have a lot of little standards that imwnot sure are just picky, like he likes an art style i hate and his favorite tv show is one i hate as well, our tastes dont line up like me and my exs did

not that i like my ex too much but we were unfairly compatible in numerous ways

Anonymous 72033

Oddly I am experiencing a similar thing right now down to
>we were unfairly compatible in numerous ways
Felt that. And then so wildly incompatible in others.
But I find my bf's humor cute in a way. Fuck, mine isn't always a hit with him, either. Maybe just try to find it endearing until you grow together.

Anonymous 72034


how do i unlearn all the shit i picked up from my first relationship? i'm with a new bf after the relationship with my first ended and i feel like i'm ruining it because of bad habits. when i was with my ex i didn't realize how terrible it was because i was young and naive, and i feel like it did a lot of damage to how i interact with my current partner. my bf now isn't like abusive at all and at first i thought that was weird, and i kept treating him shitty like i learned to do with my old bf because i thought how we acted was "normal". my current bf is way calmer and doesn't react negatively towards my defensive mechanism so i always end up feeling like shit after i mistreat him, and he just like hugs me and says he loves me. like wtf? i actually broke up with him because i was so weirded out by it at one point, and he just said that it was unfortunate but that he understood. he still said hi to me and stuff after. eventually we started hanging out and became a couple again. like i said being with him just revealed to me how unhealthy my first relationship was and how it made me a worse person as a result. i really want to change and i'm afraid that my bf won't put up with me after a while once he realizes just how fucked up i am. what do i do? please help

Anonymous 72047

Just take some time and see if it grows on you. You can get used or even like certain things like other person humor if there's chemistry elsewhere.
My ex had a very dry sense of humor which I didn't like at first but it got to grow on me.

Anonymous 72052


I really hope someone saw my post that i deleted out of fear that he might read it, he uses chans a lot and cc gets posted about a lot so.

Anonymous 72068


Is it weird that my bf has never complimented my appearance? It's not that I feel entitled to something like that, but it would be nice just once… Is it just a guy thing? to disregard something like that? We have been together for only half a year.

Also, I wish he took me seriously. I feel like he sees me as someone with lower intelligence. It's so strange because he doesn't do this in an obvious way. He isn't aggressive or intimidating, he just politely dismisses what I have to say. Or he straight-up ignores it. I just think it's hard to confront him about it because he hasn't done anything outright horrible?

Also, part of it is me. I avoid confrontation a lot and I tend to suffer in silence. Maybe there isn't anything wrong with him and I am just damaged from my last relationship. Everything should be going fine right now. I thought getting in a relationship would give me just a little ounce of confidence. Or that I would feel loved in some way but I still feel very lonely. I really can't tell what is the problem. Or what isn't the problem. Is it me?

Anonymous 72069

It would bother me a lot if my bf never complimented me. Mutual validation is important in a relationship and I always made sure to compliment my bf a lot and he would always say nice things to me too. It helps you both feel more confident in front of the other and induces that lovey dovey feeling.

Anonymous 72090

It's not you. That's ridiculous.

Are you his first gf? I wonder if he just doesn't know how to behave with women because he is definitely not treating you right. Or maybe he's misogynist

Anonymous 72096

guess i'll just ask somewhere else.

Anonymous 72101

Hmm personally I didn't reply because either you're not telling us the whole story or you're abusing the shit out of this guy who loves you for no reason. Are you underage because otherwise you might have a personality disorder.

Anonymous 72103

no i'm not underage and i dont think i have a personality disorder. literally the whole point i asked for advice is because i know i'm being shitty. i didnt ask for a pat on the back. maybe i'll just go to a therapist or something fuck it

Anonymous 72107

thanks, it's nice to at least know someone gets it. i am trying to be mindful but there are just certain habits that are on autopilot. like for example if there is a problem like i cant find something, my mind instantly becomes accusatory like someone took it, or moved it to just to piss me off. like i assume people have bad intentions. or if i feel like i made a mistake in speaking or doing something, even if the person doesn't say anything, i feel like they are judging me so i tell them to shut up. like i said since my bf doesn't act the way i am used to people acting, i am often left with my own nasty words and actions hanging in the air without a response, and it makes me cringe being aware of how i sound and act. maybe i'll try a mantra or something to keep me focused on not acting without thinking.

Anonymous 72154

change bitch
like, sorry about your first shitty relationship.
if you really care about this guy, start making small changes in yourself if you wanna see yourself last with him. this goes with both friends and spouses, but no one will put up with your shit forever.
unlearning stuff and suggestions is a bit tricky since people have different coping mechanisms and ways of processing information, so i wouldnt know what to suggest that could work for you. maybe you can tell us a bit about how you mistreat him and what that entails?
honestly, the first step is acknowledgement and you seem to feel bad about your actions. i would suggest as a second step to take a step back and not be too hard on yourself either. beating yourself up serves no purpose and at least in my experience, makes it harder to implement changes in the self.

Anonymous 72162

I found out that my boyfriend is a lolicon and has jokingly said something like, "I'm gonna have a cute daughter I can molest," to his friends in their hobby Discord server.

I feel so disgusted. Luckily, it's LDR so it's not like I can run into him randomly. Hopefully I can heal soon.

Anonymous 72164

I hope you're able to heal too, anon.
Thats quite the red flag. No idea how long you've been with him but maybe ask him about it when you get the chance and talk about it. I think there's still quite the difference between making a joke in foul taste with the boys, and genuinely being a bottom feeding degen. I'm hoping its the former for you and you're able to sort this out, or really, do whatever you determine is best for you.

Anonymous 72168

wow, sorry that sucks

Anonymous 72182

>Hopefully I can heal soon.
This implies you left him, right? I hope.

Anonymous 72185

Jesus Christ anon I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Never forget what he said or let him convince you it was a joke

Anonymous 72193

I'm glad you dumped his pedophile ass on the spot. I hope his dick rots off.

Anonymous 72253

Ex texted me the other day. Does this mean what I think it means or is it more likely he just wants to be friends.

I do want him btw. But I don't want to be an autist and misread the situation and get the wrong idea.

Anonymous 72293

It depends if you would like to stay friendly with him and if he's stable enough or the type of guy to get obsessed with his ex.
My first bf and I still message eachother everyone once in a while, just to check how we're doing and all that stuff. I'm fine with it because we used to be friends before dating, but I don't think I would do it in any other case

Anonymous 72298

>No idea how long you've been with him but maybe ask him about it when you get the chance and talk about it. I think there's still quite the difference between making a joke in foul taste with the boys, and genuinely being a bottom feeding degen.
If he's pressed about it, of course he's going to lie. You think pedophiles value honesty or something? They don't even have the human empathy or dignity not to rape children. Even saying something like that shows that he is a worthless piece of shit who should just die.

Anonymous 72432

current bf is very kind to me and treats me well, but I think I may have jumped into this relationship too soon. a few months before we started dating I had just gotten out of an abusive relationship. this guy is honestly so sweet and very good for me, I just… I don't know. we haven't been dating for even a year and he's asked me about moving in (in the future, to be fair). I had moved in with the last guy way too fast and it ended horribly, so this is bringing up bad feelings and making me nervous. I don't want to talk to him because of this. he hasn't done anything wrong and I feel so bad. I should have been honest in the beginning and turned him down when he asked me out. I didn't realize at the time but I'm starting to think I needed more time to heal. I don't know what to do

Anonymous 72484

you're rude

Anonymous 72503

My parents got married after just knowing each other for 8 months an dating for 6. My partner and I are talking about marriage after dating for only 8 months now.
Learn from your past, think about it, and then decide. Also, I would tell this guy your history(don't be explicit) and just let him know what you're thinking. Good luck.

Anonymous 72504

unless you are pregnant or have a baby or need insurance or a visa or something, don't rush into marriage as there is no need and way too many risks

Anonymous 72524

Wanting to kill yourself every day or almost every day is a level of depression that’s not super manageable without medication or an intense commitment to work through it, or preferably both. If your partner isn’t in therapy the absolute bare minimum thing to start with (while contacting a therapist) is the DBT skills workbook (you can find the PDF online). If he’s willing to be open with you about his issues (which it sounds like he is) maybe you can work through it together on calls or something.

Two things I would stress:

You might both deal with depression or anxiety but his might just be worse, or he’s less equipped to work on it (AMABs are rarely encouraged to work on or be responsible for their emotions). I went through this with my ex - we both struggled with mental health stuff but I just had regular old vanilla depression and my ex had what ended up being really severe BPD. I always thought I could understand but I was like an order or magnitude out of my depth.

The other is that like, you are also a person and dealing w/ a persistently suicidal person long term is the kind of thing that destroys you physically and emotionally. It’s okay to want to do what you can but even if you lived together you can’t save this dude - he has to help himself. Please take care of yourself and if it gets to the point where it takes a big toll on your health take steps to get yourself some emotional distance. If he improves that’s great. If he doesn’t, it’s not your fault.

Anonymous 72605

There's this guy at work who's older and he looks at me every time he passes my office.

he's not too much older. maybe 10 years max.

yesterday I caught him double taking when he saw me. like, he looked at me, turned away, realized i saw him look at me, then turned to look at me again.

is their some weird cultural explanation for this or does he think i'm cute? or maybe he thinks i look crazy.

Anonymous 72607

He's a grooooomer.

Anonymous 72623

we're both adults in an office…

Anonymous 72661

He likes you, idiot.

Anonymous 72663

my bf is suffering from depression and i dont know how to reach out. i know i cant fix him unless he decides it for himself. i want to be there for him, but he is the type to not really like expressing himself. i kinda get what he is going through rn bc i was also the same back then. i’m not that good at communicating, but i don’t know how to go about it :/

Anonymous 72684

That's horrifying. I hope you left him.

Anonymous 72689


i've been involved with a moid i met on the internet for over a year now, but i'm afraid that i only want to stay with him because he stopped me from hurting myself a long time ago. i feel indebted to him but he's not a great guy. i've given him so many undeserved second chances. a few months ago i caught him trading contact info with an 18 year old girl (he is 29) on an online dating thread, but i didn't say anything. i didn't want it to be real. he did it again about a week ago, and i'm nearly bashing my head against the wall because i don't want to accept that he's a borderline predator. it doesn't help that the vast majority of his 'friends' that i'm aware of just so happen to be women. i'm not so stupid that i can't put 2 and 2 together but i don't want to accept any of the red flags. i liked him so much that i was even considering meeting him in person… i'm just so tired of being alone that i'll make excuses for all of his disgusting behavior. it's so hard to accept that being single is the safest way to live. it's so hard to walk away.

Anonymous 72692

I've been in a similar situation. A relationship where you cannot trust someone not to try and fuck teenage girls isn't worth shit. You deserve better.

Anonymous 72694

yeah I'm here to tell you based off what I've seen from the same situations from other women, including those who tried staying with such men:

it will never, ever get better, and it is only a downward spiral from here.
there's an extremely high chance he will keep on doing it over and over again.
you will think being with him is relieving, but it will only train you to get used to a life of misery with the brief dumpster crumbs he throws to you feeling like a drug and you a drug addict.

moreover, you aren't "indebted" to him. he did a basic human decency thing that doesn't at all entitle him to you.

Anonymous 72719

My bf doesn't put much effort into any area of his life. I can't say I find it attractive. I've done little things to pick up the slack for him because it makes me crazy to see him not do them for himself, but I know I shouldn't do that. Is there any hope for a man to get better about taking care of himself/getting things done so you don't have to do them for him?

Anonymous 72729

You dont owe any man a life of servitude.

Anonymous 72730

100% this. Being alone is better than this.

Anonymous 72749


It's been almost 2 years and I am not over my ex yet.

The weirdest thing is I probably wouldn't even consider a relationship with him again, but he still haunts my thoughts and my dreams.
I was the one who ended the relationship because I didn't feel he gave me enough love and attention, and honestly, I also envied him a lot; let's just say that my life is not the happiest, and seeing him having a loving family, having very niche hobbies and big aspirations triggered me almost everyday (I feel like I should mention I have depression). I constantly felt inferior to him (and I still do), and of top of that I didn't even receive enough reassurance of being loved.
Some months after I broke up with him, he texted me, and I told him to never text me again. Maybe he just respected my boundaries, maybe he doesn't really care, but I'm still here, almost 2 years later, waiting for a text, even though I don't think I would even reply.
I already know I'm a very toxic person, and I told myself I would work on my problems, but I'm still here looking back at that relationship almost everyday, probably because, until depression hit as hard as ever, I felt that I was "getting better", that I was finally finding who I was and what I loved. So yeah, I still look back not only at him, but also at who I was during that time. I also can't do a lot of the things I loved anymore because they remind me of him and it hurts too much.
I tried getting better on my own and I'm even seeing a therapist, but nothing seems to work. I still have these obsessive and conflicting thoughts, and I don't know how to get rid of them.

At this point I'm taking any piece of advice, I am really really tired.

Anonymous 72750


i got out of a relationship a little over a month ago, and i think i am starting to develop feelings for a mutual friend of my ex and i. i know that even though i started grieving the end of the relationship long before it ended this is probably a bit fast.
regardless, i can't tell if he feels the same way, but we went to the zoo together today and got lunch afterwards and i just…couldn't stop laughing. i've never really felt so happy yet relaxed around someone? not on first dates, not on 293290th dates, not really ever in relationships to be honest, maybe only with my best friend. he's not made any moves on me and i have no idea how to tell him that if he tried to start something more than a friendship i'd absolutely say yes.

>tldr; how long after a breakup before someone should start dating again? & how to tell if a guy friend feels the same way?

Anonymous 72760

Write him, apologize and tell him you want to be his friend maybe?

Anonymous 72793

i feel this, except for me its only been a few months lmao.

i would text him if its been bothering you still. get some closure and hopefully get it out of your head

Anonymous 72797

I can't date normies, I end up feeling like a freak and resenting them too much for being so upbeat and well adjusted.

Anonymous 72798

I thought many times about doing that, but maybe pride and shame are stopping me? I feel like I always cared about our relationship (and our friendship) more than he did.

I actually tried to get closure some weeks after we broke up, but I didn't get much out of it. The main issue with our relationship was that he couldn't express his feelings towards me, and this obviously didn't change after our breakup (and I don't think it will ever change…)

The funniest thing is he isn't a proper normie. He has had a good enough life, but he still ended up having VERY VERY niche hobbies and browsing image boards. He has a normal social life though. I don't know how the fuck this is possible, and this perfect mix of things is the reason why I loved but dreaded him.

Anonymous 72923


How well would this have turned out? I've had a crush on this guy since the moment we met and one day im gonna accidentally hit send and it's gonna kill me. I need to stop this

Anonymous 72930

happy reine.png

>mfw reading this post
You're a sweet girl, Anon.

Anyway, you don't have to be so upfront and blurt out an overload of affection, like that, least of all cause doing so is one of the fastest ways to get a guy to just write you off as crazy.

He's a guy, he probably likes you too. Just relax and like, instead of swarming him with adoration like that, maybe try just little niceties here and there.
>Thanks for spending time with me
>I'm glad I know someone like you
>I care about you a lot, and I'm glad I can

things like that turn guys to mush, if they even remotely care about you too. If he's receptive then just gradually increase how affectionate you are, in those bits here and there, and in all likelihood he'll just ask you out instead, at some point.
Hope things work out for you two.

Anonymous 72938

WOah he just said he loves me that escalated quickly I'm gonna ask if he means that as in frens or something else i hate this teasing im gonna GHOst him if it's the case jfjshfj

Anonymous 72960

He's probably just overwhelmed, from hearing a girl actually care about him for the first time in a long time, if ever. And you two both sound like you've just been lonely for a while, too.

I don't know what you said to him, but regardless, his response is obviously a bit much. Guys are pretty direct communicators, and tend to miss out on subtext or hints, so in a case like this I'd suggest the opposite of my previous post, and instead just communicate whatever is on your mind as clearly as you possibly can. Like you were explaining it to an alien that can still understand English.

You both run the risk of just latching on to one another, as a bandaid for anything causing this outpouring of affection, and since you both seem to like each other, I think the last thing either of you would want is to just cut ties completely, just because you're both a bit nervous.

He's a guy, they're not that complicated, they can take interest in you just because you smell nice or your hair looks extra bouncy that day. Just tell him how you feel, and if he's worth his salt, he'll be receptive and try to work things out with you.

Anonymous 73070

how do I talk to a guy who I think might like me?

Anonymous 73082

Just talk to him.

Anonymous 73094

>tfw you learn that your husband is a whore who has been hiding the fact that he slept with multiple guys before you started dating
I wouldn't even be mad if he told me that when we were just starting dating but we have been married for nearly a decade and he ever told me about a single partner before me and that's it
he spilled it out by complete accident and looked so guilty, except not for essentially lying to me for a decade but for getting caught, he even started this "you never asked" bullshit, in what world a woman has to ask her fiancé "hey, are you a gay whore?"
I feel betrayed and I am full of regrets now

Anonymous 73106

>how do I do this thing?
>just do this thing

Anonymous 73111

Why can't you just talk to him, anon. I was deliberate in asking you that, because I wanted to show you you're overthinking this a bit. But if you're still apprehensive about the notion, then you should ask yourself why you are and try to get at the root of it.
If that's not enough, then what about the situation makes it hard to form a plan and take action?

Is he maybe someone you like too? Is he someone you don't like, and you don't know how to let him know without upsetting him?
Is he dangerous?
The more context you give, the more we can help you out here, but with so little to go on there's not much I can do beyond just stating the obvious.

Anonymous 73120

I'm not that anon lol but nice advice. I hope she reads it.

Anonymous 73123

Have any of you cuddled with a friend before?
A friend of mine (who identifies as ace) and I have gotten pretty close and comfortable with each other and have a lot of fun together.
She asked if I would like to cuddle and watch movies with her in a non-sexual way.
I also sort of identify as ace (and coming to terms with it, no I will not be taking questions at this time about it) and I would honestly really like to have a friendship like that with that element of closeness.
Any advice? Anybody been there before? At the very least I don't want to hurt our friendship because this person is very important to me!

Anonymous 73139

My bf has bpd. He told me he has it under controll and I believe him he is very introspective and self aware. But now looking back I can see it all along. Telling me Im more special than any women, making plans to move in with me I wont have to pay rent, fetishzing my own self destruction, infuated by how im a weird akward shy with no friends. He said he was not going to talk me into moving in because it would be unfair because he wants me to move in so bad. He says stuff like "I you to be my girl more anything" "I cant wait to see your cuteness everyday". We are amazing at communtating wiht eachover and see eye to eye on everything. I think I enjoy the trill of being with someone with bpd mabey I have bpd too. Any tips on dealing with bpd dick.

Anonymous 73140

its online

Anonymous 73151

Girl and girl? Sure, I think that's fine. It's actually a weirdly common thing, but even my mom's done it with friends when she was younger too.
Girl and guy? That's something you should have zero tolerance on, imo.

Anonymous 73155

Yeah, girl with girl.
They're just so cozy to be around and I wanna go for it.
Thanks for responding! And yes I've learned that the hard way when dudes are like "I just wanna cuddle :3"

Anonymous 73156

I've been texting with this guy who takes a day or two to reply to texts. I don't really care on general principal because I'm not the greatest at responding in a timely manner myself, and everyone has a life outside of conversation with one specific person. But he posted on his twitter something that seemed to imply that the reason he does this is deliberate and because he thinks that it will "create respect" (?)

It's a small thing, but I can't help but feel skeeved by it. Am I over reacting by feeling uncomfortable with this?

Anonymous 73157

sounds like a serious red flag for insecurity.

Anonymous 73159

Bin. Don’t date people who play games.

Anonymous 73174

i think im being cheated on and he might have another gf..im probablythe other woman and im being stupid and blind sided

Anonymous 73180

My mom found out my dad was cheating via a private detective.

Anonymous 73189

Ladies i need help.
Years of childhood, teen, and adult involvement in sex activities like secretly making out with my girl best friend when i was 6 during sleepovers and sleeping with strangers and an adult have lead me to be basically asexual and uninterested in sex. I have a very caring, non pressuring bf but of course hes interested in sex and would like if i was more interested. How do i slowly get myself in the right mindset to enjoy sex for the right reasons? When i was a kid making out with my bff during sleepovers i had the thrill of forbidden fun. When i was an adult doing 1 night stands, i had the thrill of fast paced intimacy. Both came with shame of course and its totally ruined my libido.
I go to a therapist regularly but i dont talk about sex with her because im usually talking about things like how to get out of bed every day and do basic tasks around the house. By not being interested in sex i feel like im missing out on fun bonding times with my bf and id really like it to be a regular part of our relationship but i dont know what to do.

Anonymous 73190

maybe try masturbating and see what you like to think about and then try and integrate your bf into that? like start with maturbating together

Anonymous 73191

>Need for a thrill
Welcome to the BDSM world, sister.
First figure out if you're a top or a bottom, but seeing as humiliation actually made sex fun for you I'm guessing you're a bottom.
Start by watching bdsm porn, see what you like. Spanking, spitting, slapping, degrading, bondage etc.
See what gets you going.
Personally I can't even think about sex without my hands and legs being tied up these days.

Anonymous 73192

cringe and bluepilled

Anonymous 73193

This >>73192
I've never had fantasies where one of the partners is humiliated, slapped, beaten, etc;
I feel as if most women who are into BDSM had a sexualy related trauma, but instead of seeking mental health they fall into the libfem lies that sexwork and BDSM are empowering and start seeing being degraded as something "brave".

Anonymous 73196

Ew, anon.

Right and wrong. I'll tell you as a BDSM enjoyer. I haven no problem admitting that I was abused as a kid, had close encounters with pedos, felt neglected a lot when I was super young. That may very well have helped me develop a BDSM fetish in my teens. But you are painfully wrong if you think it's impossible for women to enjoy consensual BDSM, and if you think it's just something that "goes away" with therapy - because it's not something that needs to be treated. If you are actually into BDSM, and you actually know how to do it, that in itself feels therapeutic.

I have only done BDSM with my current stable partner, whom I fully trust and I believe is my soulmate, and only after discussing what we like/dislike, sharing fantasies, having vanilla sex together. I trust my partner enough to have this kind of sex with him, because he's proven himself through always putting me first, always wanting to please me, always wanting to make me comfortable, in all scenarios, sexual and non-sexual. BDSM is absolutely not something I would do with any random person. Then again, I am not the kind of person who has casual sex. IMO sex is only good when it's done proper with kissing, cuddling, making out, and mutual desire. Otherwise, I'd rather masturbate.
I'd tell you more detail on how it feels and what I do - but only if someone actually asks me that to avoid derailing. But what I want to say is that BDSM at its core is about trust. Letting yourself be handled by the person you trust the most, or having total control of the person submitting to you, knowing that they'd do anything for you. For people who actually practice BDSM (as opposed to porn that is unrealistic in every standard), it is essentially a trust and consent fetish - not a beating up your gf/getting beat up fetish.

Still I don't recommend >>73189 to get on with BDSM at the moment. It's something that you really need to be in the mood for, setup is a huge part.

Anon, I can't relate to you at all as I have never had such sexual experience. But I think that you should start having fun and bonding with your bf through passionate intimacy before you feel you are open to something more sexual. My bf and I have a huge fetish for kissing and cuddling…and I think you both should totally try that. If you are in love with each other, you are definitely going to start feeling something, even if it's small. I think it's best that you establish a stable, warm feeling rather than chasing thrills. Focus on the emotional bond you have before you try to physically excite yourself - sex is MUCH better when you are mentally lubricated. If kissing and touching your boyfriend makes you feel good, then maybe you can move on to handjobs and stroking each other, or whatever starts to feel right for you. Patience would help, I think.

Anonymous 73202

>ew anon
NTA but your post is the grossest in this thread and BDSM being about trust is a red herring.

Anonymous 73214

How do I respond when a moid hugs me?
Context: i have a tiny crush on him, he has already said that he likes me multiple times but i keep it low-key friendship limited because i want to stay single till marriage hope y'all understand

Anonymous 73216

depends on the context of the hug and what you want from the situation. more clues please.

Anonymous 73217

nvm im so fucking dumb and can't read.
idk what to do in that situation.

Anonymous 73218

>i want to stay single till marriage

Anonymous 73219

yh a bit weird lol

Anonymous 73221

>more clues please
I like the guy a lot but i am very emntally ill and cant get out of bed most days by all means i am not ready for a relationship, not even emotionally because even when he treats me with kindness or whatever i spend the rest of the day feeling sappy and overthinking it because i am so touch starved it's petty, and i dont think i will ever be ready for a random relationship because i want to settle with someone, more or less "forever" - nah, that sounds messes up, what i mean is that, i don't want break-ups, that might actually give me the last push to kms im already not doing that great without my meds/therapy.
And another MAJOR thing if you will is >>73218
quite precisely.
earlier today he was flirting with me thru discord and i replied with the communist cat meme, i hate myself sm

Anonymous 73224


Anonymous 73225

'jaks are allowed on the 'fe just look at the catty

Anonymous 73226

that all seems very precarious. idk what I'd do. I've been scared of ppl and relationships before and always bitterly regretted the ones I've been in for one reason or another
but it's also a fundamental part of growth imo. like idk if you can be the person you'll need to be by the time you're getting married if you haven't experienced intimacy before. I know I would be totally unprepared for my next relationship if I hadn't had a couple already
maybe you'll find your ideal husband and both of you will want to get married
>literally right at the start of the relationship
but it doesn't seem likely.
im sorry about your mental health tho. and relationships are scary sometimes

Anonymous 73227

Spam begone, we've seen it and we don't like it…

Anonymous 73228

you're really making us sharty sisters feel unwelcome on the 'fe :(

Anonymous 73243

Ignore the prudes who cry about not having fun during sex but avoid doing anything about it, literally a mental illness.
I'm a bdsm enjoyer and a switch, so I'd love to hear more about your experiences.

>Having fun and exploring your sexuality is gross
Also BDSM is literally just trusting your partner to take care of you (in more ways than one) while you're at your most vulnerable.

Anonymous 73244

Yeah, of course, everyone who doesn't do BDSM ("prudes") doesn't enjoy sex. Soooo truue. Stay in your echochamber.

Anonymous 73247

Read the thread, sweetie, it's a reply to a person who literally says they don't enjoy sex.
Not everything is about you.
On a related note;
Yes, you have no idea of the highs of the pleasure of the flesh.

Anonymous 73248

Anonymous 73257

>pushing sexually desensitized people into bdsm for more sexual desensitization

why are BDSMoids like this?

Anonymous 73262

Yeah, what's disturbing is that it's in response to someone struggling with their sex life. It's like suggesting a wrecking ball to fix a broken fleshlight.

The BDSM community is full to the brim with porn addicts and abusers…
…and women that are so starved for validation and so numb to other stimuli that they can only really feel good during sex with artificial means.

Anonymous 73279

I don't have a problem with people who don't enjoy sex, anon. I just wish they wouldn't be so visceral about it. On one end you have libfems sucking rapist cocks and being apologists and on the other end, you have these… I don't know, wannabe tradwives? who honestly believe sex is inherently evil or something. Before I met the person I could trust I thought I could never let a male touch me and convinced myself real sex couldn't possibly feel better than pleasuring myself, but now I am free to experiment safely. I know most people don't have the privilege.
I don't know who these "prudes" you refer to are trying to please. I'm inclined to believe that they are women who have been wronged, but in that case I wish they'd stop trying to ruin it for others. But also it's most likely they are just repeating what they hear and know nothing. That kind of thoughtless behavior really grosses me out.

>Also BDSM is literally just trusting your partner to take care of you (in more ways than one) while you're at your most vulnerable.

That's how I feel with my soulmate, definitely.

I literally suggested kissing. Fair enough, the other anon suggested some rough shit, but you don't actually need to try any of that headfirst to determine whether you are into BDSM or not. Before you venture into anything defined, just play with words. If you like your partner acting more submissive/dominant, you will probably like the rest of BDSM as well- and even if you don't that's totally fine. You can just try to have sex while ordering your partner around, trying out pet names, having them order you around, even just talking about D/s and seeing what makes you tick is enough to build up on. You can "play" rough not by being actually violent, just using gestures. Tie with ribbons if you are too scared for actual bondage. Rest your hand on your partner's neck just to give them the idea without choking them. Once you've established whether you are sub/dom that's all you need, and any sex can have these elements - attitude is what determines whether any act is dominant or submissive. Psychology is what matters

Anonymous 73285

Hi. I think I annoyed him by being overly distant, so its over now.
I didn't speak to him because it seemed like he liked another girl…Honestly I think hes just sociable i dont think he has any real interest in me. its ok though, ill remember this for next time.

>If that's not enough, then what about the situation makes it hard to form a plan and take action?

I dont think im very attractive and my weight. Im also older than him (I'm 25, I think hes 21-22 max and I feel like im being a creep.) I have no experience with relationships. I do not know how to show my interest in someone and it honestly makes me very nervous. I grew up turbo sheltered.

>Is he maybe someone you like too?

I think so.
>Is he dangerous?
no lol
>The more context you give, the more we can help you out here.

we are the same major.
>Last semester
I found out we have similar interests. We sat nearish to each other and he would always laugh at everything I said even if it was really stupid. If i posted on discord he would respond immediately. liked a something I said with a heart once. I think sometimes would steal glances occasionally but not sure. eventually I stopped being around him in class because I would always show up late and someone else would take my spot. There was another very pretty girl who seemed to like him (I wont go into details, but he has a lot of admirable qualities), so I gave up trying to get to know him. Ive been in similar situations before and Im terrified of going through that kind of disappointment again.

>Beginning of this semester

Sometimes the occasional glance if i walk in, but im scared to even look at him or show any interest. He starts chatting with another girl. They are super friendly, I assume its over for me and resolve to bury my feelings. Shes better at flirting than me if she genuinely likes him, and that's ok. Im glad that such a nice girl is into him, I have nothing bad to say about her and shes super sweet.


about two weeks ago, showed me what he was working on and stood pretty close to me (I let him, I normally really hate anyone entering my personal space), but hes done the same with the other girl. Sometimes he talks to a friend of mine, but im afraid to enter the conversation so I dont engage.

an example of my awkward attempts to speak to him:

>"hey, anon! what are working on??"

>"leaving! at the moment!" (it was the end of class)
>"…………..oh. haha"
>(I realize im being stupid and start talking about the project)

I have no issues with talking with any one else in class and i assume he thinks im not interested. I like…..also try not to look at him because I feel like a creep. I know its stupid. I think he finally gave up because last class he moved father away from where I am. The last time I spoke to him this is how it went basically:

>"See you later X!"

>"………………………………………………………………..have a nice day anon" (He sounded kind of annoyed)

My main issue I have a lot of insecurities and baggage + I have 0 knowledge of how to flirt. I honestly think I have some form of Asperger's too, which makes things even more difficult. I don't need any advice about this current situation because I already fucked up pretty badly but in the future how do I flirt with someone I'm interested in?

Anonymous 73311

ntayrt but
>I honestly think I have some form of Asperger's too, which makes things even more difficult
>I already fucked up pretty badly but in the future how do I flirt with someone I'm interested in?
As someone who also can't flirt, there's hope even if you never learn.
It took me many times of asking out normies and having it end quickly because I'm weird, but I found a qt equally awkward KHV guy after all my searching. Our interests aren't 100% the same but we "get" each other which means so much more.

You seem to have confidence issues which should be the main thing for you to work on rather than changing yourself. Unfortunately that's hard to overcome so I can't give much advice on that. It took me a good decade to like myself, which involved a lot of reflecting, acceptance, and mindset shifts about what gives someone value. After that I just became bold and direct with guys until it worked kek.
If you have weight issues I also recommend exercise and slowly getting into nutrition. Losing weight helped with my confidence, not just because of looks but because I learned that I'm able to control myself.

Good luck, anon. You sound like a sweet gal.

Anonymous 73314

I wanted to add to this a bit, too, on the weight and exercise thing. I know it might sound a bit silly to recommend a video game, but Ring Fit really is a legitimate workout. The game is also littered with small lifestyle tips here and there, that address common misconceptions about getting in shape. Basically, if you just do it three times a week, and eat well, you'll get in shape without even having to consider it much.

Anonymous 73328

Needing to inflict pain on your partner or being overly dominant or violent during sex goes hand in hand with personality disorders like NPD. If you look up stories of women who survived narcissistic abusers, you'll find most of them described their partners as being obsessed with rough sex and bdsm. There's nothing wrong with a bit of ass slapping, titty squeezing or face and neck biting during the passion of the moment, but people who make it their identity and have a whole lifestyle revolving around it are always weird goobers. It's a red flag to me and I avoid those kind of men like the plague. Not only for that reason, but also because conveniently 99.9% of Daddy Doms are cringey retards.

Anonymous 73330

Getting 'high' off pain seems creepy as fuck to me. You're not even getting high off the pain, your body is releasing endorphins because it thinks you're injured and is trying to stop you from going into shock by diluting the pain a bit.

Like I know some people describe getting 'high' off cutting themselves or burning themselves with cigarettes or whatever, but we class that as mental illness and self harm.

I think it's fair to class self harm by proxy as a form of mental illness too. If someone was obsessed with whipping themselves, burning themselves with wax or strangling themselves, we would classify it as self harm. So why is it suddenly harmless fun when letting someone else do it? Are most subs mentally well and 'sound of mind' enough to consent? That's up for debate.

Idk, idiots are free to do whatever they want in private as they always have, but the whole BDSM comm seems like a hunting ground for women who have self worth issues, and have often been abused as children, and men who want to be able to walk into a room with a woman and hurt and abuse her, but without it saying anything about them as a person.

Anonymous 73418

I've attained a sweet, virginal boyfriend at last but now I feel as if any desire I have for him is assault on some level. This isn't helped by the conditioning I have from a past relationship of sorts in which the guy would flirt with me but never allow me to have actual romantic or sexual contact with him. That arrangement lasted far too long because my love life has been as bizarre and insane as I am kek.
This current guy and I have been together for a bit now and our first kiss is imminent, but I'm faced with the reality that he'll no longer be kissless after that. With each bit of contact I'm making him less rare and beautiful. For the past week I've also had gross sexual fantasies about him and the guilt is hitting me now; I can't help but feel as if I'm disrespecting him and his humanity against his will. Yet I hate the idea of someone else touching him instead of me.

I'm a KV myself so I guess I'm partially dealing with my own identity crisis (maybe projecting a little), but I feel more serious about his status. Plus he's an adult man and I know logically he's not angelic and free of lust. I don't know, it's deranged.

Has anyone had madonna/whore complex but with men? (Jesus/manwhore complex kek?) Maybe the degrading nature of my fantasies also plays a role.

Anonymous 73420

Something I’d recommend is asking him about stuff he likes, or is interested in. Taking an interest in a dude’s hobbies or personal projects is a good way to get to know him better and show him you value him at the same time. Ask him what kind of music he likes, what his first concert was, if he’s into sports or board/video games, etc. When he tells you what he likes, ask more specific questions about why or how he formed those opinions (very few people genuinely care about the opinions of others so most guys will enjoy this but hardly ever get it). This helps vet if a guy is cool, if your interests are compatible, and figure out if he’s interested in you (because if so he’ll make an effort to get to know you in a similar way). If he doesn’t reciprocate your energy at all in getting to know him, he’s either too dumb to date or not interested.

People love to talk about themselves, this is a really basic ‘how to win friends and influence people’ strategy, but it’s worked well for me and I’m pretty socially whatever.

Anonymous 73451

Think of it this way. He's chosen you to be his first for everything you were his first for already, and intends to keep having you be his first.
If you ask me, I think that's just another way of him saying how much he values you.

Anonymous 73462

>rent studio apt with bf
>online friend ends up homeless
>let her live with us for now until she gets back on her feet

Everything is fun and cool, but I want to have sex. I don't know how to do this because the stairwell in our complex has cameras and I feel bad kicking out my friend any time I'm horny

Anonymous 73463

Rent a cheap hotel whenever you want to have sex. Either for yourself or your friend.

Anonymous 73464

Give him the first taste

Anonymous 73465

Gonna sound like a jerk but I’d be annoyed if I were your bf.

Anonymous 73469

You know you can just have sex while she's asleep, or at least after everyone has gone to bed? Why not simply tell her to leave for a couple of hours? You are doing her a great favor, so I'm sure she'll have no problem with that.

Anonymous 73473

Oops, accidentally posted in wrong thread. Sorry for double posting, but here’s my question:

Is anyone else feel helpless that they don’t fit their ideal partners type? My partner is everything I could’ve ever dreamed of except… he likes geeky computer programming girls (don’t worry, not MtFs) and I’m far from that type. It makes me want to become a geeky computer programmer girl and use Linux and know how to hack and make a video game, but I just don’t have the knowledge skills or know-how. I don’t even know how to use VPN or Tor..
I wish I could really impress him in that way so he’d like me more but it’s impossible, and so I feel helpless. What if a girl of his type comes along and he likes her better than me? Will he abandon me?

I wish I could make my own thread about this but I can’t for the moment. It’s been really eating my mind as of late and the last thread I made here about my woes was very supportive and positive!

Anonymous 73492


He was kind of pissy last week and he seemed upset when i spoke to him. Today he was in a better mood I think. He sat in my chair for some reason. we both laughed at something stupid our professor said, and he asked how how food was at a shitty place on campus and I made him laughed. Maybe its ok. (of course i maintained as little eye contact as possible….I am working on it).

I think next class I will try talking to him a bit more… hes kind of quiet and shy?????????

Anonymous 73493

oh, im eating healthier and I will try to play fitness boxing 3 times a week. Not for him but because I have a study abroad trip this summer.

Anonymous 73507

I have no idea how a relationship is supposed to work.

At least friendships are pretty simple :
>share common interests
>goof around, have fun
>share problems and offer advice with each other

For a long time I thought that relationships were friendship + monogamous sex
But I lose attraction to the moids I date after few months and see them more as friends. Sometimes I replace my attraction to another moid, sometimes I don't.

I don't get how relationships "happen" for other people. Literally the only persons I can relate to on this point are autistic moids.
Does anybody have a relationship script to share ?

Anonymous 73508

what should I make of a "boyfriend" that told to my face he feels more comfortable ignoring me since that make me clingier and therefore more insignificant in his eyes but "never realized" how terrible that made me feel?

Anonymous 73510

now he's calling me a "BPDemon" "thirsty for pain" "trying to hurt him before I get hurt" and "frustrated because I couldn't let him """win""""

Anonymous 73511

murder him in his sleep maybe

Anonymous 73512

He sounds like a loser. Block him and get yourself a spa day queen.

Anonymous 73513

Are there dating apps/services allowing for general anonimity and not completely dominated by men?

It's so frustrating to sift through the piles upon piles worth of dickpicks, psycopaths and generally shallow people.

Anonymous 73514

now he's just asking to get unblocked since after ignoring my complaints for a day "this argument is over"
I hate moids so much it's unreal

Anonymous 73515

……I'm sorry but he sounds like a spazzy and fucked up male I knew of on a redpill server I lurked a long time ago. When a guy like that is this way there is NOTHING you can do and he will treat you like shit for the rest of your life and there's a decent chance it will escalate into worse abuse.

And there's NOTHING you can say that will make a difference. The only thing you can do is just perma-ghost him t b h.
I don't usually recommend stuff like that. He just sounds that wretched, anon.

Anonymous 73517

>now he's calling me a "BPDemon" "thirsty for pain"
Based bippies putting back scrotes into their place

Anonymous 73542

I try to act nice and give him plenty attention: he ends up ignoring me since he knows he has no efforts to make to get what he wants from me

I try to ignore him to entice him to be more willing: he starts self-deprecating and self-apologizing by giving up and ignoring me so he wouldn't have any effort to make

I complain he never makes any effort and just keep leading me on: he keeps trying to conclude he's not "interesting enough" and he has nothing to say so he has to keep on ignoring me anyway

is there any way out of this infuriating bind or should I just tell him to fuck off with his lazy attitude?

Anonymous 73547

he sounds like a covert narc. if a moid tell you what they are or what their bad intentions are, BELIEVE THEM! he's basically admitting to using silence as a weapon to try and mindfuck you, as well as calling you horrible things when you rightfully get upset. block the cunt and never interact with him again. give him a taste of his own medicine.

Anonymous 73560

My boyfriend is so much smarter than me it hurts. I always feel dumb whenever I'm near him. We met at our uni and we both study international affairs. I chose my major randomly so I don't know much about the subject. But he is very well-versed in history, politics etc. so I can't help but feel too stupid for him.

A few days ago we took a walk after class and we discussed some historical events. It seems that no matter what he says is right so I can't even argue or have a proper discussion with him. Eventually I just started crying because I felt too dumb. He was very upset and thought that he offended me somehow, but it wasn't his fault. He never tries to make me feel stupid intentionally, it just so happens that his favorite topics are ones that I know nothing about.

Anonymous 73561

leave him. he doesn't respect you and only like you because he sees you as some sort of silly child he gets to play with.

Anonymous 73562

Why do I even post here, what do I expect? I never get genuine advice, only "leave", "be alone". You don't know the whole story, I love him and he loves me, it's just a complaint of mine that I have.

Anonymous 73563

This happened to me a lot with one of my friends.
He's super into ancient Rome, and when we first started talking, i told him I liked Rome too (which was kind of a lie, I didn't know basically anything about it)
He asked who my favorite Emperor was, and I said "Well I know it's generic, but Caesar."

Which, I know now, Caesar wasn't an emperor at all, so I made myself look really stupid but he was super polite about it.
I actually know a ton now about it, because I just had him talk about it to me (I admitted I had kind of lied and didn't know anything) and did reading whenever he brought something up and wanted me to read about it.
I know that this is a "no duh" thing, but like men love talking about that sort of thing, if history interests you, just get him to talk about it to you and teach you stuff.

Anonymous 73564

>It seems that no matter what he says is right so I can't even argue or have a proper discussion with him.
Is this because you don't know the subject as well or because he thinks he is always right?

>it just so happens that his favorite topics are ones that I know nothing about.

Why are you not talking about your favourite topics that you know more about? Why is he talking about them in a way that makes you feel dumb, intentionally or not? There's many ways to talk about something you know more about and make it engaging and enjoyable for the other person.

Here's my advice: If you want to know more about history, politics, etc, then pick a subtopic that interests you and read a book on that. Don't try to cover everything at once, just pick subtopics that fascinate you and slowly you will build up a bigger over all knowledge.

Anonymous 73565

This is how anon's bf should be. Happy to share knowledge and help her learn. Polite if she gets something wrong. Not making her feel dumb or that her opinion is worthless.

Anonymous 73566

'Leave' is genuine advice lmao, and 95% of the time when dealing with a moid its the correct and apt advice to take. If not now, then you'll likely end up doing it eventually anyway.

Anonymous 73567

This. It's common for young women to get gaslit into thinking they are the problem. Also people in happy relationships don't post on advice threads asking for relationship advice normally.

Anonymous 73569

Yep, unfortunately its usually the correct advice yet hardly anyone in the idealization phase ever takes it. If you're asking about a problem with your man that makes you cry, then it's already the cue to leave. Makes me cringe seeing couples spending hundreds of hours and dollars in 'couples therapy' or whatever because the moid doesnt realize how not insulting/belittling their gf works.

Anonymous 73571

Or women where none of their friends or family will tell the woman that she needs to leave because they don't want to cause drama.

Anonymous 73578

basically this >>73566 sweaty. it may not be lucid to you right now but hindsight is 20/20. we anons may not be able to witness some of the nicer nuances of your relationship, but there are some negative nuances as well that you can’t/won’t acknowledge. your crying is a symptom of this. by the brief initial picture you painted of him (and usually these are the correct ones) i am reminded me of a friend’s story about her ex who would often dominate discussions and subtly make her feel belittled, even over playful topics. of course he would apologize as if he had no idea what was going on. naturally he was not interested in learning about things she understood or liked. draw as little or as many similarities as you like between him and your bf, the bottom line is that if you’re crying there is something seriously wrong. regardless of whether or not you think he “intends” it.

(he does, or he just doesn’t care about your feelings)

Anonymous 73582

Holy shit I know you already said it but ignore these people telling you to leave him.

Anonymous 73585

I wasn't one of them but they are at least right about it being a biiiit offputting that he apparently isn't bothering to include her, apparently argues about stuff one-sidedly, etc. A lot of us assume it's just the tip of the iceberg and another one of those "callous guy keeps on talking over his gf" stories.
Case in point? OP noted "no matter what he appears right." Why is he talking about right/wrong things? Why isn't he talking about things that he could easily include her in? Shouldn't he be sensing that she's getting overwhelmed?

Either ways though I don't like saying this as it's a broken record thing but she clearly sounds like she shouldn't even be in a relationship, she seems very unhappy with herself. I also think she should maybe tell him how she feels and gauge how he reacts (if the relationship has any real longevity it's necessary imo).

Anonymous 73610

A lot of men love feeling smarter than their gfs, maybe he focuses on things he knows you don't much about so he can continue to feel right and smarter than you.

Anonymous 73611

But she's right,to be with someone he can't feel positively Challenged by is sus. It is so easy to use and manipulate a person when you have all the psychological advantages over them. Opportunistic not to mention incredibly arrogant.

Anonymous 73612

That's even worse, who wants to live around an arrogant know-it-all who will constantly tell you your wrong?? The gaslighting would be fun as hell wow yeah hurl

Anonymous 73637

I read a lot more widely than my bf does. When I tell him about something I'll usually say "Did you know….?" or "I was just reading…." or "I heard this interesting thing…." or "Have you ever heard of…?". Or if I correct him I'll say "Isn't it…? Let me look it up and check".

I don't make him feel stupid for not being as interested in something as I am and never assume that I will always be right about everything.

Anonymous 73888


I have a crush on my boyfriend's friend, what should I do?

It's not that I don't love my boyfriend, but I guess this is my way of coping with the fact that our relationship has become more comfortable and familiar since I sometimes miss the first stages of the relationship when things were more exciting and mysterious since we didn't know each other nearly perfectly. I know I'm probably childish for being like this too. any help?

Anonymous 73917

Just stop talking to the guy or think about the fact that he's very likely to be a porn addict and that you're better off with your current boyfriend who you are familiar with than with some guy you don't really know and only like the idea of

Anonymous 73955

the part about stopping thinking about him is the hardest, any tips or do I just need to force it? And in my mind he very likely isn't a porn addict since he doesn't even own a computer. but I know you're right thanks.

Anonymous 73958

I'm moving state to be with my partner of 9 months.
I am so excited but also very sad to be leaving my family.
Any advice on living with a partner?

I moved out with my ex, 3 months in they treated me like a roomate/mother and I lasted another 8 months before I moved home.
I'm not worried in the slightest with my current partner, but I dont have much knowledge to base living with someone on since my last shitty experiance.

Anonymous 73968

Nayrt but I was in a similar place a few months back as I had developed a crush on my bf's bestfriend. At first I fantasized about having a threesome with her but it escalated into dreaming about her only and the thought of her was very persistent. Anyway I felt guilty and started to really try putting a halt to these thoughts, so I would consciously think about something else when she popped into my mind or start doing an activity that would occupy my thoughts (simple mental calculation worked great for example). It gradually became easier and it went away by itself, now I can hang out with her without feeling anything.

My experience isn’t the same as yours but I realized that I was not fantasizing about her per say, but about an extra-conjugal relationship, she was just the receptacle. Do you think that’s the case for you? As they say the grass is always greener on the other side, so if you have issues in your relationship it’s normal for your mind to seek something you don’t have outside of your relationship. More than avoiding thoughts, try bringing up to your bf the issues you have (not the crush though it could be pretty hurtful to your and their relationship) about feeling too comfortable in your relationship and seeking some spice, some magic.

Anonymous 73977

Not sure if the relationship thread is the right place for this, but have you ever talked to different moids and they all have this extremely annoying trait of constantly asking "why?" or "why not?" when you don't want to do x for them when the answer is obvious? Like not just to random guys but the ones you've been talking to for a while.

I'm tired of replying with "Cause I don't want to" every time.

Anonymous 74007

Men need reasons for things, and aren't good at picking up on context. Seems like they don't understand that they're demanding something of you.

Anonymous 74028

It's a shit test. Often theyre trying to work out if something triggers or bothers or upsets you so they can use it as ammunition later. Men also hate when women say no to them in general.

Anonymous 74059


In an ok romantic relationship. It feels more like a friendship we just say we love one another but I don't think it's really love between either of us.

I think my boyfriend isn't 100% honest about his sexuality and gender. Found out pretty early on he's into futa stuff.

I'm worried he's in a questioning state (he has little to no romantic and no sexual experience), and I'm just a confirmation for if he is or isn't. When I talked to him about it, he said he wasn't questioning his gender and he was straight.

I'm not sure if I really… believe that though. The content I've seen he's viewed is of varying questionable content in regards to if this is something a straight guy would like honestly.

Anonymous 74073

I don't know what hes like, but you have to remember to level of brain damage most moids have due to pornography. There are gay moids and then there are straight moids that are hypersexualised and braindamaged from the ever increasing weirdness of the porn they need to get off. Futa, cuckolding and sissy stuff for example is just pornsickness even though some people will say its 'bi'.

Anonymous 74095


He's odd, but I am too. He spends nearly all his time online, I'm trying to curtail that and become healthier for myself but he seems to think being online 24/7 is a good thing. He def spends a lot of time cooming, I hate to be nosy but I was just curious about what he was into when I found one of his alt accounts for porn browsing and… yeah it's all of the things you listed besides cuckolding, but he says it's NTR not cuck shit.

I don't know, I hate to be "that anon" and say some of these feelings of suspicion aren't just due to the porn but the fact nearly all of his friends are MLM cisguys or MtFs that made me think maybe the person I'm dating is just in the closet. I know that's not inherently true, but birds of a feather.

I'll def be keeping myself safe but I am caught between I want to trust him and we're both older so he has no reason to lie, and he just doesn't actually know but is in denial.

Anonymous 74097

Your boyfriend is stuck in the prison of moid degeneracy. and you are the only one who can help him escape.
For his sake and for your sake, both of your lives can improve and there is no doubt that your relationship will become much stronger after enduring such hardship.


Anonymous 74106

my boyfriend makes me feel ugly for not doing performative femininity
lately he gets in weird moods where he ignores me or only gives me one word answers then when I get upset he comments about how he's upset that I don't wear dresses/skirts/"cute outfits" and how I don't wear makeup "like other girls"
he also adds in how I don't work out (I'm not even overweight but to be fair I am pretty sedentary and I know it's not healthy) and acts like he's concerned about my health but if that's the case why would he bring up me not wearing dresses and makeup rather than only focusing on my physical health?
it makes me feel ugly and insecure, like I'm not a woman just because I'm not stereotypically feminine
the problem is I feel this is how most men see women so even if I were to break up with him, any other male I date will likely be the same - that or fetishizes me for being a tomboy
sorry for venting all this here, he's my only friend/only support system so I have no one else to talk to on top of all this

Anonymous 74108


I honestly can't really stand hentai so I didn't look too much into it myself, I thought it was drugging a person who was in a relationship, but I googled the meaning and yeah, you're right anon.

Thank you will read through, don't know if I can figure out how bad it is if I can get more honest answers out of him but this relationship might be beyond saving. I'll update in a few months.

Anonymous 74109

Even if you think all men are like that, leave him. Being with that asshole is worse than being single.
I never wear makeup, have short hair, never work out, and don’t dress super femininely and bf has never said anything like that to me.

Anonymous 74118

Dumping her boyfriend is more than okay as well, and she isn't the only one who can help him. People help themselves out of addiction the most. She doesn't have any obligation to subject herself to a tiring and imo humiliating process like this. I would hardly call monitoring if someone is fapping to porn or not an example of something that makes a relationship stronger. It'd be way stronger if he never got into this rabbitshithole, but he did, which would be extremely disappointing to any woman.

Anonymous 74119

Many men are somewhat like this yes, but bear this in mind. Your experience will help you spot this kind of behavior and mindset much more easily in the future if you desire to leave him to see other men. Even some women are like this in my experience. It truly sucks. I dated over 50 people before I found my partner. Don't let their personal desires override your self image. He's 100% only interested in your appearance not your health.

Anonymous 74121

you're moving state to live with your partner of 9 months, so does that mean you two are long distance? I don't know anon. You said you weren't worried about this one, but that doesn't seem like a very long time before moving in with someone. I would just worry you're getting into the same cycle as with your previous partner and won't realize until it's too late. I'd have a plan in place to get away if things end up being not great.

As for your actual question, be sure to set boundaries from the get-go. Make it clear you're not wanting to be his mother and pick up after him. Tell him to clean up after himself, even if it would be easier to just do it yourself.

Anonymous 74148

talked it out with him and he basically added in the makeup/dress stuff when his main problem was with my weight, he was afraid to say it outright because I'm sensitive and cry really easily
he's concerned about my health and I've gained weight recently due to medication plus a bad diet and not working out at all so he thought I'd be upset if he brought up my weight outright and I think tries to use makeup/dressing girlier to soften the blow not realizing that was making it more hurtful
if only he had just said from the beginning his issue was my sedentary lifestyle, unhealthy diet, worried about my poor health and recent weight gain instead of me being unfeminine I wouldn't have been so upset by it
anyways thanks for the advice both of you but I'm going to stay with him since other than this he usually treats me great, plus he is right that my overall lifestyle lately has been super unhealthy and I think he just went about expressing his concern in the wrong way

Anonymous 74155

Lmao what a lie. Sorry, but you’re so gullible. Dressing femininely and wearing makeup has ZERO to do with your health. There’s literally no correlation…

Anonymous 74526

I feel like my whole personality is a lie. I don’t think my boyfriend truly knows who I am. I don’t even know who I am. On my own and with my friends I’m edgy, reclusive, highly opinionated, and far weirder than he thinks. Although I have tried to show him that side of me it’s like he refuses to acknowledge it, so it leaves me as a watered down version of myself around him. I speak in a higher pitch, don’t swear and play dumb around him when that isn’t really who I am. While he does like me because of how strange I am, he doesn’t know how deep the rabbit hole is.I feel horrible and I feel like a liar. I don’t know how I can keep up this facade.

Anonymous 74531

Why do you do play another role around him, especially if you're 'dumbing' yourself down? Why are you afraid to or can't be yourself around him?

Anonymous 74542

I want a best friend so badly, a friend group even. The weekends fill me with dread.

Anonymous 74545

can you join a group?

Anonymous 74556

so there’s a guy at work i have a massive crush on and i feel like he’s into me and lots of sexual tension but also wondering if i’m just imagining this?

he goes out of his way to talk to me often i feel like and makes loads of eye contact. he laughs nervously around me and i overhear him talking about me to his friends. he remembers tiny details from conversations we had ages ago

though if i have to message him (usually it’s me coming up with a work-related excuse) he doesn’t really put in an effort to carry on the messages so i don’t know. help me guys i’m wondering if i’m crazy

Anonymous 74583

That's because he's not a fucking dumbass unlike you. You're fucking coworkers. Why do you think he doesn't want any text interest or flirting with a fucking coworker in black and white? Talk to him in real life and keep that shit off texts until you know you won't fuck each other over

Anonymous 74584

>best friend confesses to me but I'm not into him
How do I grapple with this knowledge coming to mind every time we interact? He claims he'd rather things stay as they were if it has to be that way but I don't want to do things that'll rub salt in the wound.

Anonymous 74595

lol chill out i’m not talking about flirting via messages just like, conversations

Anonymous 74639

Nice of you, enabling shitty behavior.

Anonymous 74642

some people just dont like texting

Anonymous 74646

weird to say owing to how that post is 3 months old and that person had 0 influence in that situation.

Anonymous 74647


I'm not sure if I'm being picky or something, but my bf seems to have some sort of hang-up about mega fans of a certain super popular game series. Most of the discussions have just been via texts so maybe that's why it's so awkward.

For context, I played the games when I was a teen and liked them in a sort of "these are 8/10!" way. When he found out that's when it started with him just barraging the series with criticisms or talking about how nuts the fans are. Long ago, he even accused me of even being into the games to look good to men.
Back then I have 0 social life online and wasn't even aware the series had been popular. I also never had a crush on a real guy before, maybe 1 girl so…ok. That was demeaning.
Each time the series comes up he has berated it/the fans in some way despite himself maybe thinking it's just an ok series–it's like it getting as much fanfare as it does is what angers him and seemingly feeling the need to criticize something more the stronger people feel about it? He has done it about other things too but this is the worst one.

We've been checking out the new game together and he seems to relate half of things to what crazy fans think about the series. Even though he says he likes it the most in the entire series, he keeps on being exasperated at how many people like it.
Apparently the game actually fixed most of the problems he had with the series too, yet he found a way to criticize fans over it, "fans used to attack people over criticizing the same things and now they're loving this game! They're such hypocrites!"
I remember my mind just blanking out at how forced it waas.

One time I said, "wow, I love how x works." He immediately jumped to, "the fans are nuts when they like how x works" which…I found extremely awkward and he could have just disagreed with me directly or…asked me why I felt that way. He uses random things as a jump-off point to criticize the fans, which has always been the case. And yes, the criticisms are bulky. He will go on for a long time. It becomes always a huge thing each time it comes up. I always feel bulldozed over like he would go off about it the same way with literally anyone else in the world.

Recently I've finally just begun telling him that I am exhausted with it and that it's weird that he's so hung up with fans as much as he is. That I have 0 issue with critically analyzing flaws in the games but that I am so exhausted with hearing about how "dumb" the worst fans of it are…
and he accused me of gaslighting him which wasn't fun, and also me disliking him expressing himself.

So yeah. Oof. I don't know if I'm just not being supportive or what. But one thing is true. I'm tired of it.

Anonymous 74651

It's reasonable to assume that if my ex has started texting me regularly then he wants to get back together, no?

He even apologized for some things, which he honestly didn't even really need to do. I'm just a bit socially unaware, and confused about his intentions.

Anonymous 74654

I mean, it's possible but I'm here to tell you that it doesn't mean it's a good sign. A lot of people like making sure they still have "access" to someone and when they apologize it tends to insure they can get someone back (even if rarely any actions are taken to remedy it, let alone meaningful change). A lot of it is a reactive ego thing people do to regain a sense of control after the other person begins fading away even though the relationship wouldn't be changed if it reignited.

Likewise, how bad was it? Why did you guys break up?

Anonymous 74657

Honestly it's good to have a healthy amount of suspicion, I'm not going to have any big expectations that anything will come of this. Mainly we broke up because we both had circumstances in our lives at the time that made it really hard to have a relationship/a relationship just added compound stress. It wasn't a very long relationship either, a few months.

Anonymous 74667

Go's he sounds like a fucking headache and a chore to be around.

Anonymous 74670

I ruined my ldr relationship, things are supposably better. I don't think they are. I think somethings different. I wish I could have a female friend to ask for help, I just can't find myself trusting people, especially females or myself. I hate myself so much

Anonymous 74671

What happened?

Anonymous 74672

I had a male friend I didn't tell him about and it caused alot of damage to our relationship. I basically emotionally cheated on him. I gave up my privacy for him, because I felt like a piece of a shit and still do, i hate myself. If he ends up cheating online or irl I'll probably deserve it.

Anonymous 74674

You did the right thing by telling him, even if it might not feel like it.
Do not hate yourself, instead try to make things right by not doing the same mistake again and being honest. You both need to have a long conversation about how things will go from now on.
Not many relationships recover from cheating, but it is possible. It just needs commitment and hard work from BOTH sides.
If he cheats on you you didn't "deserve" it; two wrongs don't make a right.

Anonymous 74724

No I probably will deserve it. I'm a pile of shit.

Anonymous 74731

Honestly it sounds like you have a bit of a martyr complex. Logically the option would be a break-up. You apparently would rather staying and him taking it out on you in an abusive way.

Even if you hate yourself at least understand that he's no better than you if he cheats because of this.

Anonymous 74771

No I dont have a martyr complex.

Anonymous 74775

well, then don't act like your bf would be justified in cheating on you then.

Anonymous 75005


Any advice on how to break up nicely?
I dated a man who I thought was a perfect dude but I seriously prefer women and it's been getting worse the further we went. He is cute aesthetically, kind, devoted, and a virgin but…fuck. There are also a couple huge issues like catching him in white lies (compulsive?) and cultural/religious differences.
Anyway. I have no intent on hurting him, but he can sense something is up and clearly doesn't want to lose me. On a level I love him as well, but it felt too unnatural. I know and always have known that I'll end up with a woman.

I also would prefer that he not hurt me.

Anonymous 75006

>not hurt you
what are you afraid of? does he seem that unstable?

Anonymous 75009

Well, he is a man who I've only known for a few months.
I'll do it in public and also not mention the catalyst being women. To be fair he doesn't know my address and harming me would get him booted from the country, so I have some safeguard.

Anonymous 75012

It's mostly a red flag cuz of incel stuff though. If a guy actually chose not to have sex unless it's with someone he really likes, that's something else altogether…even though this is nearly impossible.

Anonymous 75015

He's not an incel. He's pretty attractive and socially competent, so I hope that means he's less likely to do harm. He could easily find someone who is also more compatible with him.
I did sort of sext with him without nudes or anything (I like men in my mind but not in practice, it's the dumbest form of bisexuality) so I do have some fear he'll spread that. But that would also sexualize him, which he doesn't want as a religious dude. I'm sure he knows I could easily send the same shit he said to his brother and parents (and I would if he tries it).

I'm probably overthinking. Idk. I'll miss having a close person, too. And I have cared a lot about him. This is depressing.

Anonymous 75098

Just tell him it's over and if he asks why tell us what you said here.

Anonymous 75099


need advice fellow miners.

>been dating this guy for almost a year

>we live together on a lease that has 9 more months on it
>being with him is no longer fun and i mostly just like having another person around rather than him specifically
>moving back home would cost me at least 1000 USD
>he has some anger issues but has never hit me or hit another person that i know of. just gets irritated easily.

i have no idea how to break up with him. this is my first long term relationship and i think i can tell im done because im "checked-out" so to speak. i wouldnt mind continuing to live with him because we have a 2 bedroom apartment and he's a nice guy, but i need to end the romantic aspect of our relationship. does anyone have advice on how to break up with someone in a situation like this?

Anonymous 75100

>leaving your first relationship because it’s “no longer fun”
Sorry to burst your bubble, but all relationships are like this. The honeymoon phase doesn’t last forever.

Anonymous 75111

any miners ever dealt with a very depressed bf before? was there any way you were able to help?

Anonymous 75112

I'm just going to say that unless your bf is doing stuff to help his own depression, getting therapy, making sure to not resort to high-dopamine copes, etc., it's probably useless to try because he's not going to get better and your help will be like throwing twinkies into an abyss. A lot of them end up as major child/partner neglecters because they prefer watching porn and playing games.

Basing this off of other depressed bf cases. A lot of the time it turns out a guy just is bored of reality and the people around him and no one can fix this for him.

Anonymous 75116

I live in the abyss and I appriciate every snack food that ends up down here.

Anonymous 75118

I kinda feel frustrated about my relationship. I'm a NEET and my boyfriend pays everything for me, still, I do mostly all the chores in the house and spend almost all my days in the kitchen, my only talent is cooking but I'm too stupid to actually take it further than just cooking for us and make a business out of it. My boyfriend has enough money to support us because his parents are rich and support him since hes studying, only like 5 hours a week lol, the rest of the time he's just playing videogames, he still sometimes brag it to me that he's the one making money for us and that if I want more I should work (I dont want more, I never ask for stuff) and sometimes makes jokes about me being useless because I dont work while "he does".
Besides of that he also see my needs as something secundary, today I spent all day out buying stuff for us and also just visting my mother, after that I baked bread and cleaned the kitchen, when I decided to relax I started to play something on my pc and suddenly I got a lot of lag, I asked him to stop downloading something if he was doing it, he didn't and said I was just exagerating and that I was crazy for complaining because it wasnt a big deal, after that I told him I was tired of always being the one compromising something in the relationship and he just got really mad, yelled at me and turned off my computer while I was in a game.
I got mad and told him I'll change the wifi password if he keeps being that inconsiderate and then he said I couldn't do it because hes the one paying for it, well its his money but im the one who does all erands and goes to pay the internet as well as other services.
was I exagerating? does he has the right to be like that with me because he's the one with the money?
he also constantly invalidate how I feel and call me a liar.
sorry for the horrible english.

Anonymous 75119

You both sound like losers lol

Anonymous 75120

why would I be here if I werent?

Anonymous 75124

Literally your problem of being useless would disappear if you got a job or enrolled in college/trade school. You’re acting like it’s something unchangeable.

Anonymous 75141

But am I really useless? I clean and cook every day, not limited to reheat frozen stuff, like I make everything from scratch, take care of errands and etc. I don't really feel useless but hate that he sees me that way when I'm not the one who has the entire day to play videogames with friends on discord.
And i want to enroll to a school, just for a year or two to work in a kitchen and start from there but right now because certain situations I can't (not money and can't work because I live in an foreign country and i don't have a work visa yet).
I still do freelance work and earn some money but not as much as him because I don't have rich parents.

Anonymous 75145

Girl… he sounds like a real piece of shit. My bf is from an averagely poor family, and when I buy smth for him I never make a big deal out of it, that's just disgusting behavior — pretending that you are better than someone else because you were born into wealth. You should get a job though eventually, this will help you feel more confident in yourself.

Anonymous 75146

have you thought about writing a recipe blog? that might be easy to do

Anonymous 75151

He isn't like that always, sometimes he just tells me he's happy to support me but still, calling me useless is something shitty to do, specially if I actually spend most of my days doing stuff for us. When we began to be together I was working but got fired and the first person being happy about it was him because I could do more stuff in the house and I would be less stressed and more available to go out and travel together (we travel often). Still, even though I don't want to buy much things from me I miss having and managing my own money so I should start to look for a job once I get my work visa.
I actually wrote a few recipes! Thanks for that idea anona.

Anonymous 75153

hi nona, I am in the same situation as you - I do most of the housework and daily tasks like laundry, dishes, cooking/baking etc. my bf works 9-5 and i am at school right now but it is work from home type of schooling, all online, so even though i am not exactly a neet per se, i feel like one because im so privileged to not have to commute and have asynchronous courses plus i have no income. to make up for it as a partner, i try to make our home environment as comfy as possible. however, i don't agree with how your partner is treating you. he shouldn't make you feel useless when you do A LOT. maybe you should consider taking a break away from him and see how his environment fades into a dirty stinky mess without you there, THEN he will see how much you are valued! housework is no joke, i feel so sorry for housewives everywhere. it's time-consuming, hurts your back and arms with repetitive physical tasks like cleaning and doing the dishes. he really should be more appreciative of you!

Anonymous 75167

Not sure how. I can’t get close with anyone it seems. Closest friend at the moment has a separate friend group from high school she does stuff with and I don’t think she’s ever considered including me in any of that stuff. A lot of what she likes to do is drinking and I dislike that. Apart from her I have only acquaintances that are always busy.

Anonymous 75169

>I still do freelance work and earn some money but not as much as him because I don't have rich parents

Wait, so you are working
How he is "earning" money his parent giving him? :')
He' s not lol

Anonymous 75225

My bf is discovering his faith and recently confessed that when he was young he lost his virginity to an escort. He clearly regrets and is deeply ashamed of it, and while I appreciate that be cares enough to disclose something so serious, I honestly wish he hadn't told me. I don't know if I can get past it. It was a mistake and it's in the past but I feel like I'll always be thinking about it in the back of my mind. It just goes against my values and if I'm being 100% honest with myself, it disgusts me.

Idk. Advice/input appreciated. He's a good guy and treats me well and is always trying to improve himself so I'm a bit lost on what I should do.

Anonymous 75226


I think the better call is to have a honest re-evaluation if this is a factor which breaks the camel's back of your relationship, so to speak.
Basically try and understand how much this upsets you, if you can address it, maybe talk it over with him.

I don't know if you need opinions, but i believe if you love him honestly and he is very distraught over the event, leaving him would be morally wrong, because humans sometimes have moments of weakness like that, though I understand how disgusting the idea of your man sleeping with an escort can be.

Anyway, to put it short, think it over very carefully and rationally, listen to yourself and what you truly want to do about it.

Anonymous 75227

I think maybe what you might be more concerned about is that he wasn't honest from the get-go and might be curious what else he might be hiding?

A lot of boys are pressured to just have sex when they're in their younger years. They don't quite understand the emotional energies that get transferred during sex both when they're younger and when they are virgins. And they get teased by other boys if they are virgins so they feel a need to have sex. Some turn to an escort to just get it over with because they don't have game

Anonymous 75245

How long have you two been together? And how involved is your living situation/assets?
I'd end it because I always draw the line at lies. And religion, but if you're into god then I guess that doesn't matter.
You just have no idea who they are after one lie, especially so in a case of this magnitude.

Anonymous 75355

Just flip the situation in your head and evaluate it. If you were ashamed of who you lost your virginity to (presumably this guy since you're religious, but maybe you're still a virgin so idk) and decided not to talk about it with your next bf, and he didn't ask, then you told him one day, would you be pissed if he broke up with you over it? Pretty much all you have to do to figure out if your actions will be right or wrong is be honest with yourself about how you judge things and only hold people to the standard you hold yourself to. Whichever standard that is, nobody can really tell you that you're wrong about it if you're consistent.

Anonymous 75450

I wish I had the balls and self esteem to end things when someone lies to me. I always get super attached and can't imagine life without them and become a doormat because I think I'll never get anyone else :(

Anonymous 75471

He knows that I lost my virginity and regret it (it was an abusive ex and I had been manipulated) I don't think it's a 1:1 but I understand what you're saying

I calmed down and I don't think I'll break up with him for that. But I'm damaged and don't know if I should be dating anyone right now. My ex did similar things, but worse (paying for women while we were dating) so I think that's why I reacted so strongly. But he didn't feel bad about it unlike my bf and it certainly wasn't a mistake from the past so I don't think it's very fair of me to view it the same.

>I think maybe what you might be more concerned about is that he wasn't honest from the get-go and might be curious what else he might be hiding?
Yes. He told me I was his second (he had one gf before me, I had one bf before him) and when I said I could never do a one-night stand he agreed and said he never could either. I understand why he lied but it hurt. I've been lied to a lot but I'm trying not to become paranoid because of it.

Anonymous 77539

need advice on how to end this rebound relationship i got into on impulse after breaking up with my terrible bf of 3 years, i started talking to a guy in my class after that and we've known each other for 2 months and been dating for like 2 weeks, its all fine rn so there's no real reason to break up and we have common friends so i would prefer if we could just go back to being normal and treat our relationship as a one night stand or something but how do i bring it up lmfao i need to end this before there is any attachment or emotional mess

Anonymous 77621

tell him what you said here. make it clear you've realised you're not ready for a new relationship and that you want to end things on good terms and remain friends

Anonymous 83018


Bumping because there's been a nuts amount of relationship threads lately.

Anonymous 83022

Does anyone else have stories of ending long-term relationships where you were still in love with them? I feel alone

Anonymous 83040

My ex is starting to talk to me again. If this had happened a little earlier, I would've taken it. I was literally planning out in my mind how to repair things, but then I had a "Grow up, it's over" moment and just started to forget it. Now I can't block him, but I'm scared to open his messages. I've found someone who makes me happier, and I don't want my attentions or affection divided. I don't want to think of him that way again, especially not when I'm with the person I've fallen for now.
I guess I'm just jumping to conclusions. I don't even know what he wants. Simple, pure friendship? Validation? What if he eventually asks for sexual things, and then ghosts me when I reject him? That would hurt me a lot, and I feel stupid for predicting it but also feeling trapped. Why couldn't he just leave the fucking door closed? I was hurting, but I took the L and started growing something new. Now I'm confused again. I'm the one who wished for him back, but now I'm not so sure I want it. I don't think it's even best for me, I just can't ever really forget anything or fully abandon anyone when they get into my heart (whether friends or lovers). All I want is to reconcile, but life isn't that simple. It's terrible.
My stupid brain thinks I still need him in some way, but I do know what's right for me. It's just hard to follow through.

Anonymous 83044

>I've found someone who makes me happier, and I don't want my attentions or affection divided.
Leave your ex's messages unopened. Engaging with him won't result in anything good. It will just muddy the waters in your current relationship. There's no need to bring all of these confused feelings into your life when you've found someone who makes you happier.

Anonymous 83049

I’ve done it. Twice. One was because my mental health was so bad. The other was because I felt him losing interest and wanted to be the one to dump him before he dumped me. It hurts like a bitch. But I did get over it eventually. And so will you. Nothing you can do in the meantime except distract yourself, cry and mope when you need to.

Anonymous 83050

Why can’t you block him and why didn’t you already have him blocked? I blocked my ex and haven’t spoken to him since. I heard from a mutual friend he messaged me but at this point I couldn’t care less. Funny, because this time two years ago I was suicidal over him.

Anonymous 83055

Thank you so much anon <3

Anonymous 83060

some good news, me and my boyfriend's 6-month anniversary is tomorrow. he is coming over and we are cooking dinner and watching the iron giant.

Anonymous 83087

When is a good time to let a moid know im a virgin? We've been talking for a bit and went on a date. Went great, he asked me to spend the night and I said maybe next time. We're going on another one soon and I'm not sure if it's gonna happen at all, but I'd like to mentally prepare myself for the conversation just in case.
Should I let him know if he brings up spending the night again? Or is there a chance of him being like "Umm… I didn't invite you over with that in mind"? Should it be right when we're making out or is that kinda late?
I basically wanna give him an out in case having sex with a virgin isn't something he's up for in the least awkward way possible.

Anonymous 83090

Never. A moid doesn't need to know your dating history.

Anonymous 83099

Other nona is right. If you tell a moid you’re not a virgin, he immediately debases you in his mind and thinks of you as a slut.

If you tell a moid you’re a virgin, he will get turned on by the idea of corrupting you at first then later start to think you’re unattractive and wonder whether there is something wrong with you because no other man defiled you first.

Men are sexually neurotic and never satisfied, don’t tell him anything about your past, period.

Anonymous 83103

Sweet god the level of terrible advice this post got, lmao. If you are the "only" person he enjoys being with, by definition he prefers your company to all other people. If that isn't love to you, you have a retarded notion of what love is.

Anonymous 83119

Well thanks for that ig. Won't be asking for advice on cc again in the near future lol.

Anonymous 83120

Anon I literally was in the exact same position as you. Personally I think if you are planning on sleeping with him then it'll probably come up pretty naturally at some point. Like if you spend the night at his place next time and you start hooking up, it's pretty easy to slip it in to conversation. Like you can just tell him you want to take it slow because you don't have a lot of experience or something like that. Good luck lol. I felt a little paranoid after I said I was a virgin because I was afraid of being fetishized or that he would think I was lame or something (and maybe that's true idk), but I didn't see the point in hiding it because it was going to become obvious sooner or later lol.

Anonymous 83123

Ty nona<3 I really appreciate it. I'm also nervous but if you live with the mentality most people have on cc then you'll never live. Men always come with the possibility of treating you like garbage and it's good to be prepared for the worst, but im starting to see what other nonas were talking about when they said there was a lot of attempted sabotaging on posts asking for advice, especially regarding men.

Anonymous 83137


That’s the thing about advice. Wise people don’t need it and fools won’t take it.

Anonymous 83138


>want to meet my balkan partner so bad irl
>live in a SEA shithole, don't have much money
>don't even have a passport
>at the same time i don't want him to come to this shit country to suffer
what do…?

Anonymous 83171

Split the difference and have a romantic weekend in Pakistan.

Anonymous 83173

What does it matter who goes where if you're both in shitholes, the Balkan countries are poor as fuck too. We're talking about an online relationship, right? If anything he should come to you because going to a strange country as a woman where you presumably don't speak the language and don't know anyone to meet a man off the internet is dangerous. So have him come to you if he somehow does have the passport and money to go see you or have him pay for yours. Either way you either suck it up or never meet your boyfriend.

Anonymous 83175

Why is it so hard and scary to tell him how I much I like him? It feels like he won't believe me or that its fake when its not. I hate this.

Anonymous 83181

LDRs don’t work unless at least one of you has money. Sorry but it’s true, especially if you live such a massive distance away (SEA and Europe are very far).

Anonymous 83267

yeah that's the unfortunate truth of it. it takes years of saving and years of mental stress of 'will it or will it not work' thinking, on top of the hustle you have to do to even make money. and somewhere down that line throughout all those years, you will eventually end up having nothing to talk about because all the topics and conversations you have had will be expired and exhausted. it will just be day-to-day ramblings of 'how was your day' and if your day is routine like and not exciting at all, then the topics will be boring.
then you will move on to the next online relationship and repeat ad nauseam until you land on a guy that has money who can ship you over like a mail order bride

Anonymous 83439

Anonymous 83457


I've been seeing this boy for about a month and he's everything I could ever ask for. I have some trust issues and next to no experience with boys and he's been so nice and patient with me. When we're together I feel secure and I've been able to open up to him more than with any boy in the past.
However I don't feel like I'm in love with him. At times it's more like we're friends. Then again I've never loved anyone before. I just thought it would feel different. Maybe I do have feelings for him, but I bury them deep inside for fear of getting hurt. Maybe I'm incapable of love. Or maybe he's just not the one.
This has been keeping me up at night and I just want to end it, but I'm afraid of not finding anyone as loving and patient as him again. I'm afraid I might be running away from a good thing.

Anonymous 83460

None. I tried with him, but I was too tense and it hurt when he tried to put it in, so we stopped. I guess that's also kinda what renewed my doubts about the whole thing.

Anonymous 83461

How tall is he?

Anonymous 83463

There’s a difference between not being attracted to someone and not being in love with them. You’ve only known the guy for a month, so I think it’s to be expected if you don’t feel like you could love him yet. Idk how fast either of you are planning on moving things, but most people (that I know, at least) don’t make things official until after a few months of dating so I think you have time to figure your feelings out. If you don’t feel a ‘spark’ that’s okay. From what I’ve heard, slow burn relationships actually are more sustaining.
On the other hand, if you think he’s nice and you like him, but you aren’t attracted to him then I think you should be more wary. I think attraction is kind of hard to build and if you aren’t feeling it from the beginning it’s likely you won’t feel it later. I’m curious what you expect being in love to feel like? I’m not asking judgmentally, but because everyone has a different answer and that would probably give us a better idea of what you’re experiencing is a normal part of the process or if you just aren’t that into him.

Anonymous 83470

It's just that when we're apart I don't really miss him. I enjoy being with him, I enjoy kissing him, but I see this longing in his eyes that I just can't seem to reciprocate. I do find him attractive. He's very good looking. I guess what I'm missing is the "spark" you're talking about.

Anonymous 83474

im getting concerned since ive been dating my bf for 5 months and still havent told him im christian
ik he isnt and i dont really care but the only time we talked about religion is before we were dating and with a group of ppl that I couldn't say anything to

Anonymous 83491

Ultimately I think it’s up to you! Not missing him when you’re away is actually a good thing in my opinion because it means you aren’t likely to fall into codependency. You’ve only known him for a month so the fact you feel fine without him is a good thing I think. It sounds like maybe you feel guilty that he seems to be more interested in you than you are in him. Personally I think you can still give yourself time to see how you feel about him although I think it’s also good to be straightforward about how you feel if he asks. Saying something like ‘I’m still trying to figure out how I feel about things.’
Also I forgot to address this, but don’t let your fear of not being able to find someone as nice as him dictate whether you choose to be with him or not. I know that’s much easier said than done, especially for us miners who probably have tons of trust issues with men. Remember that the world is huge and if you met one guy who has proven to be trustworthy and nice then you can meet another one. They might not be a majority, but they’re out there so anons shouldn’t feel the need to settle out of a scarcity mindset.

Anonymous 83597

Gf dumped me.

Her: I'm answering this once and that's it. Don't add this to ur "why im sad" list, just realize ur making this a bigger deal than it is. Soon i'll never see u again

You irritate me for all the stupid questions asked, the way you conduct urself in private and public places, and u use people's kindness to annoy the shit out of them

Now bye. Good luck with ur problems cause ur a mess and need to fix that!

Me: I’m sorry you feel the way you do. I don’t really know what instances apply to the grievances you listed, and it seems like you’re the one with the “why I’m so sad list.”

I didn’t leave the chat specifically because of you, but because of depression and didn’t feel that I could communicate with the other members appropriately, which included you. I didn’t want the other members to know about that so I kept it vague because it really isn’t their business, and they acted like babies because of it.

I would’ve been down to set up boundaries on what to talk about, but it looks like I must have intimidated you.

Regardless, I think I needed to hear what you said and for this to happen, honestly. Thanks for the wake up call, you were a fun time. Have a nice life.

So the relationship can never recover right? Or will she reach back to me eventually? She’s an Aquarius and I’m a Sagittarius if that matters.

Anonymous 83623

I have one (1) friend who I don't find annoying 90% of the time and I can't tell if I have feelings for him or not. Most likely I just like the attention he gives me. I think if I asked him out he'd accept. In my eyes, he's a genuinely good person and we have very similar personalities and sense of humor. The problem is that I don't find him attractive, or handsome, or anything like that. I think I'm asexual but even then, it gets to the point where I get the ick sometimes just by looking at him. However, I do think of him in a romantic way quite often. I'd classify my feelings for him as right between romantic and platonic.

I get the urge to spam him with messages or treat him special sometimes, but I also feel like I need to hold back. I don't want to lead him on and hurt his feelings down the road, because why would I do that to my best friend? At the same time, I'm tempted to tell him I like him. I don't know wtf is going on to be honest. I think I'm just starved for attention and need to lay off of him.

I should also mention we mainly talk online and hardly ever see each other in person. So that probably allows my feelings for him to grow while forgetting what he looks like. God it sounds terrible when I put it like that. He's not an ogre or anything, just a bit shorter than me and slightly chubby. Maybe a bit socially awkward but I do find that endearing sometimes. I think he deserves a better relationship than what he'd get with me. The way I'm criticizing his appearance honestly pains me a bit to write, but I need someone to hear me. I don't think there's anyone that I know irl that I could tell about this.

Anonymous 83660

I am 26 and a virgin and when dating I will avoid men who imply or mention that they are virgins too. I don't want to be with a manwhore even, someone who has had a bit of experience is fine. But I find that men who are virgins for this long tend to have way too many hangups about it and I just don't really want to deal with that…male virgin rage. Is it hypocritical of me? I feel like it's different because I don't really have any hangups about it due to men caring less about it/it being encouraged.

Anonymous 83667

It sounds hypocritical to me. You are judging them negatively for having the same lack of sexual experience as yourself.

That all sounds confused. Good luck sorting everything out in your mind.

Anonymous 83701

you have a point, nothing wrong with being a virgin if its your choice but thats not the case with most male ones

Anonymous 83990

I don't know what's right here, but I will say you are why men lie about bodycount and experience.

Anonymous 83994

need somewhere to vent about my bf
we've been together over a year and I love him very much, he was talking about marriage and how he wants to live a long happy life with me etc and I feel the same
but recently he's been so distant, I know he gets really depressed sometimes but he has been cold and ignores me a lot
now he's saying he wants to move to another country which I'm interested in doing anyways and when I try and bring up us moving together he just ignores it
makes me feel worthless, I can never tell what he's thinking and he won't communicate whenever he's upset so I can't do anything other than keep messaging him everyday hoping he will cheer up or at least be more open with his thoughts and feelings

Anonymous 84192

That's really shitty of you anon. Even though your concerns are valid, you can't just discount someone for that reason. A man who is a virgin by choice for ethical reasons is not the same as an incel or a religious type. If the men you've been meeting fall into those categories your opinion makes more sense.

>he has been cold and ignores me a lot
>when I try and bring up us moving together he just ignores it
makes me feel worthless
>he won't communicate whenever he's upset

This guy is making you feel worthless, and is stonewalling you. You can't have a healthy relationship with someone who won't communicate with you. It's impossible. Additionally the behaviour you are describing is not only childish, but cruel. It honestly seems like he either is unsure of your relationship or he's playing mental games. Either option doesn't bode well for you. I think you would be better off without that person making you feel like garbage.

You said it yourself, that you're worried about leading him on. I can guarantee he probably thinks you like him as more than a friend if you have that concern. I will warn you that trying to make it work with someone you aren't at least a little bit physically attracted to is not a good idea. Take some time to figure out your true feelings and treat your friend better. He doesn't deserve to have his time wasted on false hope.

Anonymous 84295


Why does my boyfriend pee everywhere, nonas?
Every time we go out and find ourselves alone, especially in nature, he whips out his penis and urinates. Bushes, trees, walls, trash cans, grass, you name it. Does anyone else's moid also do it? Is he marking his territory?

Anonymous 84316

Yes. They all do that, even as children.

Anonymous 84349

>she doesn't piss with her boyfriend in order to deepen their bond
>she doesn't have pissing contests with him to forge a sense of comradery and to satiate his competitive spirit
>she doesn't regularly urinate outside to feel free and liberated

Anonymous 84353

You're living the dream, nona. I'm jealous.

Anonymous 84356


Anonymous 84399

Is it a shitty idea to fly to my LDR bf while I am in the process of questioning the relationship…

Anonymous 84400

How far away is he

Anonymous 84402

I agree with
This behavior is very childish, cruel and borderline abusive.
I was with a guy like this for a while and it was hell. Some days he would be very lovey dovey and romantic and talk about spending our lives together, then he would randomly have a bunch of days where he was extremely cold and distant and mean. I would get severe anxiety and panic attacks because of this lack of stability in our relationship and I wasn’t sure when he was going to have one of these funny mood switches. Eventually we broke up and it was a relief and I’m in a much better place mentally and emotionally. It was traumatic having to deal with that kind of behavior. Honestly, guys like that are not worth it. Find a guy who cherishes you and doesn’t freeze you out randomly.

I didn’t realize it at the time but it’s actually a really bad sign and is often associated with narcissistic personality disorder. Like the other anon said, stonewalling, radio silence, freezing you out, etc on a whim are really big red flags. Just because he’s nice and romantic some days doesn’t mean you should tolerate this mental push and pull behavior.

Anonymous 84403


Anonymous 84405

4-6hr flight, across the continent. I'm having a fucking panic attack about this and even couldnt stop myself from crying in public because of how guikty and conflicted i feel. I love him so much but the distance is so hard.

Anonymous 84414

Oh you love him? Then meet up with him silly. It will be nice for both of you.

Anonymous 84416

other posted that just replied to you doesn’t seem to understand how relationships work…? nona if you are ever uncomfortable or questioning a relationship going to see them (esp if they’re far away) must be pretty stressful, and it might be nice if after this trip you can carve out some breathing room for yourself or even talk to him about how you feel during this trip (if you’re in a safe situation—maybe just bring up ldr struggles? but i have no idea how well you know him and men can overreact sometimes so please don’t feel the need to talk about this with him)

Anonymous 84450

I wish it were that simple ):
I've told him I'm still questioning the relationship but i sugarcoat it i guess to make it seem less serious because i love him so much and don't want to hurt him. I'm just in pain from an LDR that has no end in sight, i feel lonely both physically and emotionally. This is the longest relationship I've ever been in. He's not violent or anything, so it's not a safety concern. I just don't know how to break it to him that I don't think I should go on the trip. Maybe I should tell him my mental health is a mess (it is)…?

Anonymous 84467

Anonymous 84473

You could try to ease the burden of your trip being successful on your mind by not having it depend solely on whether or not it will go well with your boyfriend. You could enjoy the trip as its own thing and forgive yourself if things don't go your way.

Anonymous 85121

Yeah, physicality. A hand on a shoulder or hug or something immediately can help change the tone if you cant get him alone. But telling him is the only sure-fire way

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