>>11029I was in a similar situation.
My bf is a natural Dom. Has a strong personality, is very assertive, can be very intimidating, is very protective and nurturing and has that "vibe." You know, the kind that makes you go "oh yeah, he's always in control."
The thing is, as I got to know him, I learned a few things about him. He deals with trauma regarding pretty much all forms of abuse, he had the whole "never hit a woman" mentality very ingrained into him, he's very self conscious about his body and his strength… so getting him to be the kind of Dom I wanted was quite the challenge.
At some points I kind of felt like I was being unfair to him and pushing him to do stuff he clearly wasn't comfortable with for my pleasure. He even cried once because of it, but we worked things out.
He was always a loving and caring protector-type. Like, the perfect "daddy/mentor" type, without the kink part. Over time, I worked to help him develop a fully sadistic and degrading side that, in all due honesty, makes him the perfect man in my eyes. We're very happy with our sex life now.
This is how I did it:
>Communication. communication and more communication. Explain what you like, why you like it and how you like it AND listen to him when he does the same>Train his dominant side outside of sex - push him into situations where he has to make decisions for you, ask him to "help" you keep track of your schedule, give up control to him voluntarily>Ease him into pushing his limits. My bf had a severe aversion to hitting me. So I started by playfully spanking him and saying "wanna get back at me?" before running across the house. This turned into a small game for us, which then became sexual. A while after, I started grabbing his hand and pretending to slap myself with it before saying "harder, master." After he explained his trauma to me, I explained and reassured him that I want and enjoy this. Basically, I trained him to think that hitting me is like a kiss. >Names, names and more names. Call him "daddy, master, teacher, stallion, beast, king, etc." All the time. Even when you're not in bed. Even in public. And when he calls you "queen, mommy, etc." correct him. "I prefer princess, kitten, bunny, etc." Start with cute names, then ask him to call you the more subby stuff like "slut, whore, cum socket, etc." Then start asking him to use them interchangeably. >Are you a sub? Act like one. Cook for him, get him his slippers, wake him up with a bj, stuff like that. However, try to do it as a reward. If he does something Dommy, do something subby. >Just like he worships the ground you walk, do the same for him. >This is gonna sound toxic af, but… make him feel guilty. Say you didn't cum, have sex with limited time and then ask him to do something outside his limits so you can have an orgasm, etc… This is how I got him to get over one of his biggest aversions. >Watch media with dominant men with him and say stuff like "You're so much like him, you should do that more often, etc." >Cosplay. Not necessarily anime cosplay unless you're into that, of course. But if you roleplay as a submissive role, try to look the part. Men are super visual animals. Maid, secretary, doll, etc…>Educational erotica. This is a bit hard to find, because most of it is just porn. But if you can find something fun to watch with him, go ahead. >Patience. Do it slowly. You won't get facefucked day one. You won't get tied day one. Go slowly and ALWAYS say "I love you" afterwards. Men love being told they're loved. I can go into more detail if you want. My beloved bf went from vanilla shy lover to Sadistic Dom in about two months, so it's not impossible at all.
