/feels/ - Advice & Venting

i have a habit of going online and trying to identify anons based on the posts they make. ive also stalked random people from discord servers and logged basically any info i could from them, ive hacked into people's personal accounts through password breaches and phishing links, larped as other people to get close to them, and have even gone so far as to stalk their friends and family.
i take whatever information i can get from them, their insecurities, their personal trauma, and i go on any possible platform i can reach them with and humiliate them with that information. i actively enjoy distressing others, causing them mental grief and poisoning their mental health.
why am i a monster, psychologically speaking? what can be done to get rid of people like me?

minor vent but gosh to any potential future parents here please don’t have a kid and then decide to have another one like 8+ years later, im the second parent and it’s so fucking annoying. im 18, my brother is 7 and i’m so tired of having to keep myself from doing what i wanna do jjst because i have to watch my brother and respect his wishes of him not wanting to go to a babysitter or his math tutor. i wanted to go jog today, so ideally i’d drop my brother off at his tutor who lives in the same building as me so i can just go fucking jog and have peace but he hates her and doesn’t wanna go, guys please please don’t have kids with huge fucking age gaps you’ll ruin the oldest sibling’s life. doesn’t help that he can’t stay calm for shit either

I graduated highschool back in June. I didnt really have any plans for higher education. I considered starting as a patient care tech, but realized I would be terrible at it.
I didnt want to do anything.
I mostly bummed around for a month and applied to a few places, with pretty much no success.
My parents were really pissed and my dad ended up telling me that if I wouldnt go to school, I would have to pay him rent to continue living there.
Aside from that, home had been stressful most of my childhood with a lot of fighting and turbulence. It was still a stressful place to live with a lot of tension and fights between everyone.
It really pissed me off when my dad did this, because i did not want to live there (ive been fantasizing about moving out since I was a young child) and the only reason I hadnt left was because I didnt want to upset my parents by leaving. I had discussed at length moving in with my LDR bf of 2.5 years many times in the past, but I decided not to because I was worried about hurting my parents.
So hearing my dad tell me I had to start paying to live somewhere I didnt want to or need to be in the first place finally pushed me over the edge I guess. It wasnt just my dad, my mom and my 13 yo brother both told me to get out at some point, albeit usually said in anger but still.
So I packed my shit in trash bags, and a month ago I left, moved halfway across the country. I left without telling anyone until it was time to go, and its a long story but there was a lot of screaming and drama that still makes me sick to remember. I didnt tell anyone because I knew they wouldnt approve and I couldnt cope with the fighting until I absolutely had to, but I guess that just made it all worse for everyone.
The past month of my life has been one of the happiest times of my life. Ive enjoyed being with my boyfriend, I have enjoyed the peace and independence, I have enjoyed living in my own quiet space. Its a pretty comfy life, we dont live lavishly or anything, but we make all our bills and he makes enough so I only have to work part time (though I am still looking for full time positions).
I feel so lucky and spoiled with him.
When I left my family was really shocked and worried thinking my LDR bf was going to hurt me etc. and my mom was upset the most amd kept begging me to come back. She and my grandma visited my new place about 2 weeks after I moved. My grandma ended up loving my bf and being happy fPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

I was recently raped by a stranger, and one of my moid acquaintances reached out to ask me how I was doing. He ended up professing to a crush on me and told me he loves me. He said he won't be pushy about sex because I have some issues surrounding that. Is this a good sign? I'm just amazed that he doesn't think I'm damaged goods or anything, but part of me thinks it might be a trap.

I want to leave my house but have nowhere to go on the weekends

(Save for 1-2 people in my life) I just genuinely dont see the point. They have the nerve to call you out for being a psychopath for being flatly and maniacally indifferent especially to their bs.. and then show a million colorful ways they are equally as bad or worse. All i really wanted was solitude and to figure out who i was a long time ago. Why do i still have to work at this?

In everything i do i am detached and i mean ZERO emotional investment for obvious reasons. (I avoid relationships, men like the plague) But also everytime i try to get back to my nice feeling side people try to destroy it and make you regret bringing it back. But oh if you're detached and indifferent all the time you're fine. No i do not open up to people or rely on people easily, but when i do I DEEPLY regret it and wall myself more. (I dont easily relate to most women. I dont know the solution)

Its so extreme I just don't understand how other women manage or live.

I am at the point where id like to embrace my raw energy in whatever way it manifests, even if it means im some "benign psychopath" to other people. I am going to be as benign a psychopath as other people are benign psychopaths. Just admit it that is what you're surrounded by.

Whether its soft mundane everyday evil, or aggressive/violent in your face evil its all started to feel the same to me.

I guess I just need to rant because im tired of resisting who i want to be. I just don't want to care, its like that is my dying wish honestly. Why do people want you to live like this?

been thinking a lot lately.. im on the internet since ten or smth. i think it got me kind fucked up tbh fried my brain. for awhile i thought I was legit depressed. accidentally went offline for a bit. felt so much better??? like the fog lifted idk. it's rly weird clarity. not trying to be preachy but mb the cliche is true and we all need to touch grass more. internet's obv a sim within a sim but mb one sim is already too much for our lizard brains? btw nonas, call your moms if you can/on speaking terms. you never know when you might not be able to. i feel like i'm getting preachy again but honestly tho cherish that normie shit while it's there. idk about u anons but i'm out for as long as i can (ik this is not gonna last and gonna come back venting lol). but for now i gonna try existing ourside the screen. might suck but can't be worse than years of internet brain rot. ily tho fr peace

I feel like I'm in general a much happier person now that I don't put so much on my value on male attention and support. I've come to realize just how disgusting all of it is, moids throwing younger girls around and trading them like Pokemon cards and then throwing them away once they become "haggish" (which to them means turning 21+). The rush of having men care for me was alluring at first, but I quickly came to despise them once they all turned on me. Now that I'm away from them and not living to please them, I've noticed pretty much every aspect of my life has improved. My appearance, my hygiene, my creativity, my will to live and thrive, everything. It's like living for the approval of men has brought me down in every way possible, and now that I broke free and matured past needing their approval, I'm flourishing as a young woman should. Of course, looking back on everything I did and said for them to try and prove to them that I wasn't a super evil whore is kinda embarrassing, but I'd much rather live with embarrassing 3AM memories, than currently be destroying myself like a dancing monkey for them to gawk at until the next younger girl pulls up, leaving me a pile a chopped liver. Now all I need is some real female friends, because pretty much the only reason why I cared for male attention so much was because I had basically nobody to talk to IRL because of my lack of social skills, kinda awkward demeanors and weird interests (weird at the time for a girl in a Philly public school).

I hate one specific person. They annoy me so fucking much. But I can't help but be polite & even helpful to them, which means they think I like them, but I really, really don't. Am I fake? Two-faced? Etc? Note that I don't talk about this person behind their back or anything I just really don't like them and seethe silently to myself while giving them a smile.
Am I a bad person or am I just insane?