How do I stop being a people pleaser Anonymous 118904[Reply]
I constantly do things and look up for others wellbeing, opinions, feelings or anything for avoiding conflict and just trying to get along and feeling accepted.
The longer I've been doing it the most I understand I'm a pretender and a liar to everyone, because I do stuff without enjoying it or connecting with them.
It's tiring because I do not enjoy doing stuff I decide or want and also I feel guilty if I do not "follow" the speculations of I think people want.
I don't know what the fuck should I do to feel comfortable with my desicions and my true self
4 posts omitted. Click reply to view.Anonymous 119126
This is something I have also been working on.
When people say no or give you a neutral answer, does all the stuff that you get anxious about happen? Do you cause a scene? No.
Most sane people will not take a no or you saying your opinion or giving input as something to make a scene over, or dislike you for it. Keep in mind, the people who like people pleasing like low self esteem women for the wrong reasons and like doormats. Those are not the kind of people that should be pleased! Being assertive and honest is not obnoxious or rude. You can still be kind and pleasant and sweet and polite while having boundaries and stating your opinions and giving input and being honest!
Anonymous 119527
I have good assertiveness days, and bad assertiveness days. If I feel worn down by constant moid harassment, or if I wake up and randomly start thinking of the nagging memories of said harassment, I dont feel the energy necessary to be assertive and on guard. I feel like I need to just go with the flow to get people to STFU and get out of my way, so to speak.
For example, yesterday my brother brushed off the snow off the family vehicle he finally let me use even tho he has his own 2. I thought wow thats nice of him. Then he hit me with, "Theres still the trashbag of dog crap in the trunk, could you get it out?" He could have done it, but I know Id catch flack from him and mom for saying this or refusing, so I just said yeah. It felt like Im on autopilot to just say yes to peoples requests. Ugh Im such a coward.
Another factor is that peoples boundary violations catch me off guard. Im a little slow at thinking of responses, or how to socially navigate a situation where I dont have the upper hand. So even if I immediately give in, I usually seethe about it for a while after until I think of a way to "correct" the boundary violation, ie. thinking of how to word something so that I retract my original "yes Ill do xyz" response.
Wish I wasnt such a people pleaser. But there are times I finally learned to say no, as a complete sentence, no less. Its just something I have to relearn daily and be conscious of.
Anonymous 119529
>>118904>I constantly do things and look up for others wellbeing, opinions, feelings or anything for avoiding conflict and just trying to get along and feeling accepted. Only do it if it's mutual
Anonymous 119531
>>118904The issue with being kind and caring about the wellbeing, opinions and feelings of others is that is that likely, you WILL be abused, he WILL get taken advantage of for it, at some point or another.
Be glad you're not a narcissist. You should go out and live for yourself and do things that you enjoy and hopefully you will run into the right people for you.
Don't go out of your way for others who will just abuse you in the end. Try to find people who are similar to you and vibe with you.
Anonymous 119535
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I often think about why I am such a people pleaser and I realize that there is something insidious about it. One of the reasons why I do this because I want to get closer and be part of their life. I managed to people please the heck out of few people that they became so dependent on me for emotional support that even I got scared about how creepy it got. It felt like I was playing Persona with S Links and I'm not even joking in here.
Another reason is fear of missing out. I want to know everything and be everywhere.