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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent
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Please read the rules! Last update: 04/27/2021

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Anonymous 106158[Reply]

someone else suffering the consequences of an abusive/dysfunctional family?
My mother was very violent and not very affectionate with me, and I never had a father because he was a selfish drug addict like her. So my mother resents me because my dad si a bastard. I can't understand people who say that a rough childhood makes you stronger, I feel extremely weak, insecure, I had suicide attempts and depression. Sometimes I have violent flashbacks (physical, psychological, sexual violence and the way he cruelty talked about my chubby childish body) these memories of my childhood keep me awake and the thoughts about the future are increasingly hopeless. I hate my mother, maybe not as much as she hates me but the rejection is definitely reciprocal. I understand that I could be telling this to a psychologist but he is only going to pat me on the back, when really what would help me is to listen to people who experienced similar things.
17 posts and 3 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 106276

Shy-Anime-Girls-85…

>>106262
>it was one of the creepiest experiences of my life
That's creepy indeed. It's honestly scary how despite all this anonymity it's still not that hard to figure out details.
I mean, I didn't expect someone to get desi vibes from ranting about a superstitious mom, lol.
>hives
Ugh, sounds bad.

>>106273
Zoom meetings… t-too shy…

Anonymous 106284

43f0ef9dcffc81ff2d…

My family isn't abusive, but there has been a significant amount of neglect. I feel like I barely know them because I've never had a truly meaningful conversation with them. They are the reason I struggle to talk to other people today because I was simply never taught how to socialize.
What makes it worse is that it's not only my parents who are like this. I have two older siblings who are twins, and they share this weird bond that often leads them to prefer spending time with each other rather than with me. They have always done everything together, and as the youngest child, I have felt consistently dismissed throughout my entire life. While they are good people, and I envy their relationship, I can't blame them. However, I do wish they would spend some time with me.

Anonymous 106298

tenor-3905089614.g…

>>106284
>isn't abusive
>a significant amount of neglect
>isn't abusive

Anonymous 106317

aces-1_custom.jpg

>>106284
Neglect is a serious issue, nona.

Anonymous 106323

>>106276
>Zoom meetings… t-too shy…
Oh well, it's fucked then.



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What are some genuine critique points your bf has? Anonymous 108265[Reply]

How do you work on yourself?
What do you think does he like best about you?
12 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 108671

I'm a horrible, entitled brat. I complain and make obnoxious sighs/remarks when slightly inconvenienced, and I'm obsessed with trappings of wealth. I try to regulate these impulses, but every so often a bitchy lip smack or deep sigh will escape when he does something minor like pulls a drawer out in front of me. I constantly spend money unnecessarily without even thinking about it, because I feel like I'll be judged for choosing generic brands, cheaper clothes etc. I have no idea how he puts up with me.

Anonymous 108676

images.jpg

He says I am too hard on myself and strive to be perfect in every new thing I try. If I don't succeed, I see this as an automatic failure, I am too stupid/not skilled enough and will stop.

Anonymous 108678

>>108389
I don’t think it’s right for you to call me extremely selfish based on your own assumptions. What you see as the proper way to react in such situations is not acceptable for me. You can communicate however you want in your own relationship and I will do the same.
>>108439
He usually realizes that I am upset and asks. Then I will tell him why I am bothered. He actually does listen to my concerns and I’m usually satisfied with how he responds to these issues.

Anonymous 108730

He critiques me a lot on my mental health and how I deal with it. He is right in some respects but also I hate hearing someone who has never gone through these struggles act like i can fix it all myself, I put in a lot of effort to cope with just living everyday and it feels like he doesn't even see that - only sees the bad stuff

Anonymous 108756

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>>108265
He's not real



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What would your dream job be if money/time didn’t matter? Anonymous 108339[Reply]

I’ve always wanted to own an arcade-restaurant kind of establishment like Dave and busters. I don’t have the money, skills, or confidence to do something like start my own business. I still think about it all the time though. On top of that everything is just too damn expensive these days to do whatever you want as a job

Anonymous 108340

image.jpg

I wish I could become a shaman.

Anonymous 108722

Teacher (private hippie teacher) or nanny. Fuck working with adults

Anonymous 108729

Art restoration

Anonymous 108740

>>108340
You can easily just escape into the northern wilderness and eat mushrooms to attain mystical magical powers (and death!)

Anonymous 108748

>>108339
professional party guest



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“looksmaxxing” entering the mainstream Anonymous 108725[Reply]

How do you guys feel about the term “looksmaxing” being embraced by many gen-zers and tiktok and no longer just for the incels and femcels. As a former femcel who has been aware of this term since 2017, it’s very strange to see its resurgence.

Sure, people have always been narcissistic and into improving their looks but the “bonesmashing”, talking about “falios” and “mandibles” and “maxilos” is strange to me.

Anonymous 108726

I'm a perfectionist so it entertains me however it puts so much pressure on me that I gave up on caring about looks altogether. It's just too much, too much details too much things to fix, it becomes an obsession.
Recently I saw how this moid who got a nose job looks like, he didn't get it to looksmax I think but now his nose looks thinner and it's easier to look at his while face which makes me think that more moids should get looksmaxing surgeries, sometimes when I see moids with hunter eyes and good jaw but they still have some little flaws I get sad and imagine what procedures they should get done to become the perfect chad.
Often things like lip fillers, face fillers make me wanna disappear because of the pressure and how humiliating it is as a woman to have to do this shit to look better or to hide signs of aging.
Last thing, there's this schizo moid youtuber I have been stalking out of curiosity for a fee years now, he had a jaw surgery many years ago but… Recently he got a surgery on his eye area and it was a looksmaxing surgery. His name is Frank Tufano so you can look up how it turned out



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Traumatized by an online coquette Anonymous 108714[Reply]

I used to follow this girl online when I was in my middle and late teens, I was obsessed with her, her aesthetic and her overall vibe until at 17 she started dating a moid in his middle/late 30s and it started affecting my mind more and more. She posted a lot of content with him and she's into ddlg and all that stuff and calls him daddy, probably some of you know who I'm talking about and since Lana Del Rey herself followed her on instagram last year I feel even bigger resentment towards LDR. Cause I hate age gaps so much, I wanted purity and not old pedo moids involved in my girls world, I feel so greypilled(to not use the incel word) and I developed an obsession with the fact that men want to fuck teenage girls and lost all hope. And yes I'm retarded but I'm just so bitter, I used to fantasize about them all disappearing from life especially the ugly old moid pedoids.


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Anonymous 108413[Reply]

i will probably be alone forever. im from small country (~5 million people) so the amount of lesbians and bi women is already very low itself. on top of this im short, ugly and extremely shy. there is literally no one out there for me, all the girls either mog me or im not their type.

i stalked some ppl i know from school or camps (which some of were lgbt) and they all seem to have had female x female related in the past like they have found someone from irl to date. teen romance is something i will never experience and their pure joy and whatnot.
4 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 108424

download (3).jpeg

>>108421
Moid pair bonding is real. Richard Feynman was a notorious womanizer for most of his life, but when he was young he married his high school sweetheart (despite his family's disapproval because of her terminal tuberculosis). He never got over her through 3 more marriages and countless one might stands. His granddaughter said that even when he was in his final years, he would frequently read the letters they wrote. Even those he wrote after her death, addressed to her.

Anonymous 108425

I really understand. I dream of becoming a heterosexual in many ways because there is no active lesbian/bisexual femtocell community that is not given to feel mutual love. I understand that it's natural that no one likes freaks like me. But it does not cancel the pain.

Anonymous 108426

>>108424
I never said it wasn't. I simply stated that the >missed on teen love, missed on life meme is overly simplistic and is spreading

Anonymous 108428

>>108420
As an inexperienced almost-30-y/o you'll be vulnerable to abuse and prone to spend the rest of your life with someone shitty. You'll spot the signs later than anyone else and it'll be very hard to leave since you've finally found a basket to put all your eggs in.

Moreover your partner will still have fucked around - or in the case of an inexperienced moid, he'll have spent half his life rubbing shoulders with deranged incels and ranting about enslaving and pouring acid over women for simultaneously being whores and waiting for Prince Charming.

Anonymous 108539

>>108420
>there's no love like your first one
Yes and that's a good thing. First loves are almost always awkward, when you're inexperienced and don't know and understand yourself well yet or what you need out of love/a relationship.

Putting first love on a pedestal like that is weird, like why? Do you think people aren't capable of making new genuine connections throughout their lifetime? That's a limiting believe.

>>108424
This is even sadder. So YOUR first love is like nothing else because MOIDS supposedly pair bond? At least make it about yourself if you're going to put your first love above anything after.



who wants sex in m…

Anonymous 107935[Reply]

Is this image legit? I avoid media with sex scenes.
21 posts and 3 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 108233

>>108175
hardly, they come off as awkward. christopher nolan is a sexless individual

Anonymous 108377

This is bullshit. I always wished that the doesthedogdies website had a sex scene tag but still hasn't happened, so I usually just try to watch movies that aren't American

Anonymous 108432

>>108377
Isn’t that even worse? Imagine a french or a japanese movie without random sex scene. Better watching old hollywood movies then or asian doramas (like, not “film” asian movies)

Anonymous 108497

>>108176
It's a garbage movie. Nolan is a hack

Anonymous 108501

>>108497
the sex scenes were literally unnecessary, the focus of the movie was supposed to be the bombs and oppi's existential crisis (to which they did not dedicate enough time imo)

my favorite scene was oppi's speech scene with the crowds in the bleachers. that was the most memorable moment imo.



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I am Pathetic Anonymous 108437[Reply]

I am so pathetic it is disgusting to me sometimes. I dont know if I have always been this way, I think I have, but i have such low self esteem, dignity, and worth that I let myself be treated like garbage by everyone I choose to spend my time with. Not only do I stay with someone who refuses to be monogamous, I am realizing that I also voluntarily choose to spend my time with people who I dont even think like me, they just tolerate me, if that. I remember growing up I was so desperate to be liked, i would let people beat me up for fun and sometimes I would be seriously injured or in pain, but i would let them do it until they grew out of it and never told my parents even when they were concerned by my bruises lol. I dont know why make these bad decisions all the way into adulthood. Not wanting advice necessarily, just wanted to get this out.
5 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 108448

>>108447
Thank you for putting a term to the behavior. I’ve heard of that before but never related it to myself, but yep. That describes a lot of my life. Fuck.

Anonymous 108452

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>>108448
I think I make it sound grim but this is not something you have to live with forever. You can still change.

I think that the reason why you still find yourself in situations where people treat you like trash is because you attract such people who love to take advantage of that.
If you have low self-esteem, dignity and self-worth, and you display these insecurities outside, knowingly or unknowingly, then this is what people will see as well.
People who don't like those things would stay away, people who are indifferent to it wouldn't care about you, and people who want to fix you [and fail because they can't and they're not qualified for it and eventually leave], or people will take advantage of these traits. They abuse you because you tolerate it and they can get away with it.
So once you start working on these things, and start to display positive traits, then people who admire those traits will be attracted towards you.

Regarding past memories where you were abused or bullied, there are ways to deal with that too. We are made up of our memories, but we can rewrite them by convincing our mind that something different happened. You can imagine that you're traveling to the past and then helping the younger you to fight against the bullies and assure yourself that you're there to protect her, or you can write a letter to her asking her to stay strong. There are other things that you can do.

It'll take time, but in the meanwhile don't get into these shitty relationships and hang around idiots. You're just opening past wounds over and over again if you do that without even letting it to heal.

Anonymous 108465

>>108452
Great post. (not OP but in a very similar situation down to being bullied by males)
I recently realized how much it was affecting me to hang out with "friends" that subtly denigrated me constantly and used me for narc supply, I was afraid that being alone would be worse and that my social skills would "atrophy" or whatever but the only thing that was doing was conditioning me to take more shit. Way better to just be alone for a while and make friends with yourself.

Anonymous 108481

>>108452
Thank you so much for this. It’s so nice to hear some empathetic and hopeful advice for a change.

Anonymous 108496

That's how you choose to express the anger that happens to everyone but you turn it onto yourself or you want to be treated like shit to express that life or life as a woman in this context since you mentioned the monogamy thing, makes you feel like a victim. Some women literally want to be beat to express how they feel as a woman in heterosexual relationships to express their position in life



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No spaces for young people anymore Anonymous 108179[Reply]

I have been realizing recently that in my midsize city there are very few third spaces available. It's not that there are not places you cannot go to spend your time - there are - but since there are so few young people, those spaces have to targer really broad demographics, so they either end up being very basic so everyone can enjoy them or target multiple age groups. What this results in is that wherever you go, you will spend your time either with old(er) people or do an activity you are not particularly into. People nowadays more so than in the past just spend their time at home so this makes the problem even worse. There are few young people to begin with, many opt out by default cause they would rather sit at home, another large group also opts out cause nothing interesting happens. This creates a feedback loop and leads to cities where you will never see a person <25 thats is not located close to a school, university or a bus station.
4 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 108199

>>108179
I agree. I don't know what to say. I guess, my advice is to join a club. I notice a lot more younger teen to 20 yrs olds are willing to actually a join a nerdy interest/club. Like a lot of younger people join a dungeons and dragons club compared to >30 year olds. I know you probably aren't into that, but yeah. I'm 21 now, and I realized it's so fucking hard to make real life friends with my age group, unless you're in a uni, and are FORCED to be with younger people. It's like if you're a kid who's homeschooled while everyone else is in a high school. It's the same sort of dynamic.

If you're in you're in your 20s, live in the US, and still live under your parent's roof, you're going to have a hard time socializing or go out much, finding friends or trying to find a partner. :/

>>108180
Oh fuck off. 80s-90s kids had shit like the AIDS epidemic and fucking swine flu. I hate that most of my formative years were wasted due to the fucking pandemic, but earlier generations had the same lockdown bullshit, it just wasn't as extreme. People back then didn't have smartphones. Young people today are choosing to just use their phones, browse YouTube, any social media, and watch porn rather than play outside, socialize, make friends and date. Part of this problem is made by us. We have ourselves to blame as well, not just "muh boomers muh old people did this".

Anonymous 108221

>>108199
Older generations absolutely did not have the same lockdown bullshit and I'm kind of flabbergasted that someone would try to imply otherwise. Swine flu was a tiny meme for a few months and it just amounted to people washing their hands more, I lived through it and I barely have any memory of it at all. Aids is obviously a completely different thing altogether and you are well aware of this, it was about avoiding sex and drugs, not hanging out at the coffee shop.

I don't get why people still have these weird kneejerk denial about covid lockdowns being a historically significant event. It's over now, there is no reason to pretend it's not a big deal like so many people were doing at the time for weird political reasons. It fucked up the average person's everyday life more than almost any event in living memory.

And obviously I'm not saying younger generations are blameless, I started with:
>It was bad already
Obviously young people have heavily fucked themselves up with social media and electronic escapism. It's just infuriating that older generations aggressively virtue signal so much about how social they used to be (and if questioned, boomers will admit that they watched 5 hours of shitty TV every day, fyi), and then turn around and ban us from socializing for two years at the first flimsy excuse. It shows that many of them don't really want young people to do better in these ways they talk about, they just like mocking us to feel better about their own shortcomings.

Anonymous 108351

>>108184
OP's point is that these spaces are actively degrading, not that they don't exist. Irl community interaction isn't as easy now as it was for previous generations.

Anonymous 108369

It's probably not what you're really looking for and really depends on where you're based, but do you have any mental health groups near you? In the UK we have a charity called Mind and my local one has weekly meet ups for various groups like a sewing group, art group, writing group and young adults group.
It's pretty easy to find local groups/events for games like Magic, Pokemon (both the video games and cards) and D&D, but those are the kinds of things you need to actually have an interest in for them to be worthwhile.

Anonymous 108390

>>108180
>Older generations spent years mocking us for not being social enough and then did a 180 and banned us from going outside just because they were scared of a flu.

Beautifully put.



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Anonymous 108386[Reply]

How do I stop being a fixer?
It's very annoying when most of the time I am either ignored and they keep repeating the same thing later, or I end up having to literally apologize for genuinely trying to help some one. I just don't understand. I hate helping people but I keep getting triggered to help them.
People talk to me about their problems and some of them actually get angry at me and stop talking to me when I suggest something they could do about it and it makes no sense.

Anonymous 108387

Sometimes you just need to vent. Though you have every right to complain if a person is constantly using you as their emotional toilet with zero desire to do anything about their issues. Some people are just emotional parasite pity-whores like that.



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